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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:03,263 In the spring of 2013... 2 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:06,396 Barney and Robin were just weeks away from tying the knot... 3 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,737 but there were still some pretty big issues they hadn't agreed on. 4 00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:11,902 - Adoption. - I don't know. 5 00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,912 It's the only thing that makes sense. 6 00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,448 I can't believe you're not open to it. 7 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,507 Okay. Let's try it. 8 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:22,448 No. It doesn't work with 27 down. 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:29,185 Hey, with the wedding so close, maybe we should talk about where we're gonna live. 10 00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,355 Fine. Enough. Stop begging. 11 00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,592 We'll live here... but you owe me. 12 00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:35,190 Yeah, I don't know. 13 00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:38,396 There's just a lot of things I don't totally love about your apartment. 14 00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:41,235 - Like what? - Well, for example... 15 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:44,538 why is your bed on what looks like train tracks? 16 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,875 You were wonderful. 17 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:52,384 You don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist... 18 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,113 without learning how to please a woman. 19 00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,382 You don't mind if I spend the night, do you? 20 00:00:56,456 --> 00:01:01,086 Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level? 21 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,254 Excuse me. I just have to log tonight's orgasms... 22 00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:04,819 with the licensing board. 23 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,837 The Ho-be-gone Sleep System... 24 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,475 by Stinson... patent pending. 25 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,782 What is on the other side of the wall? Where do the hos go? 26 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:30,288 What am I, a contractor? 27 00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:34,554 We need to go into this marriage with a fresh start. 28 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,595 What do you say we find a new place together? 29 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,326 I love you... 30 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,631 and if that will make you happy, then let's do it. 31 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,170 Mmm. 32 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:51,039 Wow. So we need to find an apartment where I haven't banged someone. 33 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,874 - How do you feel about Cleveland? - Ha, ha. 34 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,504 No. Ted's mom. 35 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:10,986 Shh. 36 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,964 Nice job filling in for Lily on Marvin's lullaby. 37 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:18,765 Thanks, but I came in early on the horsey. 38 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:20,499 Stupid! 39 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:23,098 No, you really nailed all of Lily's parts. 40 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,511 It's been three weeks since I have. 41 00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:29,878 I barely see her anymore 'cause of this new job. 42 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,818 You know what might cheer you up? 43 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:36,083 There's a new Woodworthy Manor on tonight. 44 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,789 Woodworthy Manor was a show... 45 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,223 about an upper-class English estate... 46 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,658 at the beginning of the 20th century. 47 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,821 My word! You can't possibly mean... 48 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,194 But I do. 49 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,527 With the succession of Lady Eastbrooke... 50 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,260 to Viscountess of Marleyhead... 51 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,359 our cousin Baldrick becomes... 52 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:51,994 - the Earl of Witherstead. - The Earl of Witherstead! 53 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:55,336 I only posted that prediction 15 times on the forums! 54 00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,705 No, I can't. 55 00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:59,176 I promised Lily I would wait and watch it with her. 56 00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,179 Problem is the Captain. 57 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,681 Lily had just started a job as the art consultant... 58 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,116 for an eccentric billionaire, the Captain. 59 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:10,547 Ahoy. 60 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,113 There's a hot new artist in Red Hook. 61 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,922 He's molded world currency into a sculpture... 62 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,963 of a soulless plutocrat defecating on the poor. 63 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,692 A scathing indictment of capitalism. 64 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,256 I'll go as high as 200K... 65 00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,734 as long as you think I can flip it for double in six months. 66 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,532 Aye, aye, Captain. 67 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,202 Ahoy. 68 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,147 There's this gorgeously delicate impressionist still life... 69 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,151 reminiscent of Monet's Water Lilies. 70 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,312 - Where is it? - Rikers Island. 71 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,548 The artist is serving two consecutive life sentences... 72 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,217 for aggravated homicide. 73 00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,589 I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes... 74 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,128 and a jug of toilet wine. 75 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,960 Is it a strain feeling like a single dad at times? 76 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,523 Sure, but Lily's been busting her butt at this new job. 77 00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,433 It's not like she's been out there partying. 78 00:03:57,503 --> 00:03:59,494 Man, I'm faced. 79 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:03,167 I ate a ton of caviar, but it soaked up none of the champagne. 80 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,734 - Mondays, right? - Yeah. 81 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,439 When did you get glasses? 82 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:10,914 Oh. You mean my glare-reduction Lunettes. 83 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:14,613 Yeah. They help me discern genius from pretentious crap. 84 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,527 Too bad you weren't wearing those glasses when you bought those glasses. 85 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:21,020 Well, listen, baby, I'm just happy to see you... 86 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:25,155 and if you're not too tired, maybe we could watch Woodworthy Manor tonight. 87 00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:26,755 - I'd love to. - Great! 88 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,824 'Cause I've come up with a fun little game. 89 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,893 I made figgy pudding and I put it in shot glasses. 90 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:33,495 And every time they say... 91 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,939 "The dowager will be less than pleased"... 92 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,840 you have to... 93 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:40,435 Ahoy. 94 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:42,481 A seven-foot-tall, cross-dressing Cambodian... 95 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:45,449 is throwing glitter and fish guts at a billboard on the B.Q.E. 96 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,952 So he's some sort of conceptual painter? 97 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,046 No. No, just a crazy person on the local news. 98 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,150 I thought you might have a laugh. You're off the clock. Relax. 99 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,161 I must own it. 100 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,958 Aye, aye, Captain. 101 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:03,502 Hey, did you find a Realtor to sell this place yet? 102 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:07,005 Robin, a Realtor's just gonna give it to the highest bidder. 103 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,132 I need this place to go to someone worthy. 104 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,506 And I've made some inquiries. 105 00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:16,738 Barney? 106 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,909 My son. 107 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,681 Barney, enough with the floating Jor-El head... 108 00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:24,245 from the Fortress of Solitude in Superman, okay? 109 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:29,193 - It's getting old. - I only use it to say really important stuff. 110 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,957 Last time, you used it to tell me... 111 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,760 Wendy's had introduced a spicy version of the Baconator. 112 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,063 Exactly. 113 00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:39,627 And now, my son... 114 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,573 it is time for me to bestow on you... 115 00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,872 Can we just talk face-to-face like normal people? 116 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:49,472 Ted, just... just... Okay. 117 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:55,249 My son, it is time for me to bestow on you... 118 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,859 - Close the door. - No. This is... 119 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:03,919 Oh, my God. Can you just be cool? Once? Please? 120 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,691 Just once. 121 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,733 Can you just once be cool? 122 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,564 Once. Please. 123 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:19,210 My son, for many years... 124 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:24,011 this apartment has been my Fortress of Barnitude... 125 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:27,382 but now the time has come for me to pass it on. 126 00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:31,084 Soon, this place will become... 127 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:35,253 your Fortress of Soli-Ted. 128 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,297 Barney, I wouldn't live here even if you scrubbed every inch of this place... 129 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,662 with Purell, amoxicillin and holy water. 130 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,896 Fine. 131 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,837 But I think we can both agree, it would be totally awesome... 132 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:51,138 to see my deal floating around all huge-like on the big Jor-El cam. 133 00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:52,973 Hold on. 134 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:56,879 Now it's a little cold here in the Fortress, so don't judge... 135 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,439 Wait. 136 00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,349 What did you... That's... 137 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,945 Okay, that's not funny. Ted, open the... 138 00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:04,922 Walls closing in. 139 00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,959 Can't breathe. 140 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:09,392 Must... 141 00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,657 show deal... 142 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:13,358 on Jor-El cam. 143 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,300 I... 144 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,132 Oh, well. Guess I'm keeping this place forever. Good night. 145 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,865 Wait... Wait a minute. That's it? 146 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,431 Ted wasn't interested in buying your apartment, so you just gave up? 147 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,945 Barney, I gave up my beautiful two-bedroom apartment... 148 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,742 on the Upper West Side that was rent-free... 149 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,875 and the landlord hand-washed all my delicates. 150 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,112 Which is probably why it was rent-free. 151 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,985 The point is I need to buy all new underwear... 152 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:40,253 and you agreed that we would find a new place together. 153 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:44,319 Oh, God, Barney, relationships are about trust and compromise. 154 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,592 You can't just... Oh, you are so dead. 155 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,327 If I ever figure a way out of here... 156 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,596 I will make your life a living he... 157 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,205 Lily and I really need this night out... 158 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,365 big, fancy dinner and the ballet. 159 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:57,136 Thank you so much for babysitting. 160 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,201 Hey, three bucks an hour. Thank you. 161 00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,475 Oh. Hey, baby. Yeah, I'm just on my way out. 162 00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,212 If you get there before... 163 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,179 Come on, really? 164 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,883 I'll see you later. 165 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,385 Captain? I'm sorry, dude. 166 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,326 But, hey, look at it this way. 167 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:19,227 Now you don't have to go to the ballet. 168 00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,499 Get your head out of your ass, Ted. There was no ballet. 169 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,421 We were gonna sneak into your apartment and bang. 170 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:28,365 Well, you know what might take both our minds off that? 171 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,466 Little, uh... 172 00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,204 Woodworthy Manor. 173 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,370 No, I can't. 174 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,609 I promised Lily that I would wait and watch it with her... 175 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,514 and I feel like I'd be cheating on her. 176 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,416 Sure, sure, sure, sure. I get all that. 177 00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,751 It's just, um... 178 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:48,886 You know, tonight they're gonna finally reveal who framed the chimney sweep... 179 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,862 for stealing Lord Stoutshire's gooseberries. 180 00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,933 And reveal the winner of the local gardening competition. 181 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,938 I don't know how they're gonna pack all that action into one episode. 182 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,875 ♪♪ Oops. 183 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:13,383 - No, Ted, you know, I promised Lily. I... - Shh, shh, shh. 184 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,511 Just let it happen. 185 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,988 Later that week, Barney came home to discover... 186 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,617 that Robin had a little surprise waiting for him. 187 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:27,890 - Mimosas? - Mm-hmm. 188 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:30,401 "Freshly baked cookie" smell? 189 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,937 A middle-aged woman in a red blazer? 190 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,667 I see what this is. 191 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,232 You finally greenlit my orgy idea. 192 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,769 Okay. It's an open house, Barney. 193 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,781 Say good-bye to your fortress. 194 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,783 If we weren't about to have an orgy... 195 00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,648 I'd be so mad at you right now. 196 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,885 If you'll follow me into the bedroom... 197 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,689 I'll show you some beautiful woodwork. 198 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:58,229 I am way too upset right now to point out... 199 00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,288 how many women have seen some beautiful woodwork in there. 200 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,834 Angry self five! 201 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,470 - Robin, I did not agree to this. - Yes, you did. 202 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,530 That is why I gave up my apartment... 203 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,042 not so I could live in a disease-riddled bang pad... 204 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,203 haunted by the ghosts of your ex-skanks. 205 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,749 The bathrooms are Italian marble. 206 00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,876 Hello, old bean. Jolly good evening, isn't it? 207 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,479 What are you doing here? And why do you sound like Madonna? 208 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,616 Robin asked us all to come here and pretend... 209 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:29,183 that we are prospective buyers who love this apartment. 210 00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,957 And inspired by a character on Woodworthy Manor... 211 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,966 I've decided to play Emsbury Postlethwaite... 212 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:38,800 a handsome cricket player who secretly hates his life. 213 00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:40,463 You don't have to be a cricket player. 214 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,063 Tell that to Emsbury's father. 215 00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,967 Sorry! 216 00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:47,945 I was checking out some mole people's graffiti art... 217 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,675 and my cape got caught on the "F" train. 218 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,910 Mmm. Mwah. Bisou, bisou. 219 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,319 Oh, what a cute baby. What's his name? 220 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,380 - Marvin. - For my father. 221 00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,084 Oh, that's so sweet. 222 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,759 Have you two been looking at a lot of places in this neighborhood? 223 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,423 - Oh, actually they're not... - Yes, we have. 224 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:11,664 - What? - My husband, Emsbury, and I just love this area. 225 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,331 I'm a cricket player who secretly hates his life. 226 00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:19,243 - What are you doing? - Well, you were late yet again... 227 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,438 and so I'm gonna do this little scene study with Ted. 228 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,505 Why? Because he's there for me. 229 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,384 Pretending you're married? 230 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,081 That's going a little far to prove your point, isn't it? 231 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:32,420 Excuse me, but I think it's offensive to suggest... 232 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:35,426 the only reason gay people get married is to prove a point. 233 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,786 No. No, no, no. 234 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,093 - I didn't... That's not what I... - Thank you, sister. 235 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,624 Somebody needs to get this lady's mind a rearview mirror... 236 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,228 - because she is thinking in reverse. - Mm-hmm. 237 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,100 Hate is a four-letter word. 238 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,940 I didn't... I voted for... 239 00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,547 - Oh, is this part of a security system? - Sort of. 240 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,882 It's connected to the welcome mat. You see... 241 00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:05,355 Let's say the young lady you're bringing home is dressed for winter. 242 00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:08,791 Under those layers, an unwelcome surprise could await you. 243 00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:12,092 The scale with body-fat calculator I've hidden under the welcome mat... 244 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,598 makes sure you never have banger's remorse. 245 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,658 The Heavy Set Go... 246 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,260 by Stinson... patent pending. 247 00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,170 'Cause there's only one kind of chubby you want in the bedroom. 248 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,071 Am I right, people? 249 00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,804 This guy knows what I'm talking about. 250 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:30,645 I don't want to tell you and Emsbury how to raise your child... 251 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,685 but I think if you keep letting him nap, he's gonna be up all night. 252 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,746 Funny. You sound like someone who's been around for his bedtime lately. 253 00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:40,314 Uh, can somebody get this lady a storefront? 254 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:43,088 'Cause she needs to mind her own business, mm'kay? 255 00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,653 Would you stop it? 256 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,926 Oh, right, right. Because it's a choice. 257 00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:53,937 You know what's not a choice? Being gay for this kitchen. 258 00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:58,170 That came out wrong. The point is, let's focus on this awesome apartment. 259 00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,768 You're right. 260 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:02,541 Look at that fabulous plasma television. 261 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,449 My ex-husband... who never supported my career... 262 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,510 would love to watch the Vikings... 263 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:12,353 never win a Super Bowl in franchise history on that thing. 264 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:14,384 - How dare you. - Don't let her push your buttons. 265 00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,694 Right. 266 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,390 I don't care about football. 267 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,229 I'm more of a... 268 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,895 Woodworthy Manor fan. 269 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,404 I very much enjoyed watching it the other night... 270 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,498 With Emsbury. 271 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:32,476 - Oh, you didn't. - Yeah. Oh, yeah. 272 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,912 I know who deliberately overwatered Lady Chillsbury's prize-winning roses. 273 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:39,178 They have been building to that reveal all season, Marshall. 274 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:40,741 - Don't you tell me... - It was Parson Smallsby. 275 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:49,388 - Wow! Great view. - And customizable. 276 00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:51,554 Let's say you promised a girl a surprise trip... 277 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,689 to the most romantic place on earth. 278 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,700 No peeking. 279 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,293 Wow, we must've gone far. 280 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:02,067 We were on your private jet for, like, six hours. 281 00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:05,474 Well, you definitely weren't on a bus to Delaware and back wearing earplugs... 282 00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,239 I'll tell you that much. 283 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:11,044 And I think you'll agree it was worth the wait once you see the view. 284 00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,606 Et voilà, ma chérie. 285 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,886 Oh, my God! 286 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,925 You flew me to Vegas? 287 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:22,460 It's, uh... It's Par... 288 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,462 Well, hey, whatever works. Whatever... Mmm. 289 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,589 The Room with a Screw... 290 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,223 by Stinson... patent pending. 291 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,360 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to drive people away. 292 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,270 No, I'm not. I'm just trying to show off all of its one-of-a-kind features. 293 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,740 See... See, there's also, uh, Venice... 294 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:40,104 Niagara Falls... 295 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,707 African safari. 296 00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:45,409 Oh, and my favorite. 297 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:49,910 Huh? 298 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:52,685 Nothing gets a girl to go from on the fence to on all fours... 299 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,489 faster than thinking everyone she's ever held dear is a glowing pile of ash. 300 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,757 Mushroom cloud five. 301 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,803 I love your accent. 302 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:08,567 Thank you. I practiced it all morning. 303 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,939 You are adorable. 304 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,944 That Marshall's a lucky man. 305 00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:15,669 Well, aren't you ducky? 306 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:19,616 Seriously, if you were straight, I'd be all over you. 307 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:21,942 Huh. 308 00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:25,517 - What's this? - Oh, God. 309 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,456 Only the best thing ever. 310 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,486 Let's say you had a wonderful night with a girl... 311 00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:32,808 But now she's turning into a bit of a morning-after pill. 312 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,075 See? We need to extend the chute and add a landing spot. 313 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:48,170 And you said testing it with a dummy was a waste of time. 314 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:52,206 No, I said "dressing the dummy" was a waste of time. 315 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,115 The Escape from Bitch Mountain... 316 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,778 by Stinson... patent pending. 317 00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,322 Okay. He's kidding. It's just, you know, in case of fire. 318 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,153 No, but I'm glad you mentioned fire. 319 00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:02,489 See those smoke detectors? 320 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:04,718 Say these words. 321 00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,723 "I'm looking for a deeper commitment." 322 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,325 Oh. 323 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:13,633 It's also triggered by "I'm too tired," "Let's snuggle"... 324 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,196 and "I'm a week late." 325 00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,832 Barney, I'm getting wet. 326 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,934 And that turns it off. 327 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:21,907 Look, just stop talking. 328 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,642 We've made up our minds. 329 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,480 Oh, well, thanks for taking a look. I'll walk you out. 330 00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,247 We'll take it. 331 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,756 If you never get a black light, you'll be so happy here. 332 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,655 Yes! Yes! 333 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,188 Trouble in paradise? 334 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,506 We have a child together. 335 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:58,746 I can't believe you watched Woodworthy Manor without me. 336 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,081 I can't believe that you're mad at me. 337 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:04,384 I've been abandoned by my wife and my gay companion. 338 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,515 If I get blinded in one eye by a badminton shuttlecock... 339 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,389 you might as well call me Lord Esterbrooke. 340 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,519 You watched the new one without me? 341 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,121 Betrayal stings, doesn't it, Emsbury? 342 00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:16,361 - Hey. - Hey. 343 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:17,925 - Listen. I... - No, me first. 344 00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:21,962 I've been thinking, and I realized something. 345 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:26,034 The Fortress of Solitude is where Superman went to be alone... 346 00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,942 and I never want to be alone again. 347 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,972 Thank you, Barney. That really... 348 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,984 But then I remembered in Superman II... 349 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,850 Superman gave up all his powers to be with Lois Lane... 350 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:38,583 and he was honestly kind of a vag after that. 351 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,937 - Oh, buddy, just quit while... - Superman III was a complete train wreck. Totally. 352 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,053 What's your point? 353 00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,721 That I love you... 354 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,663 and... 355 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,566 I'm giving up my apartment for you. 356 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:54,128 And that the Superman films are uneven. 357 00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:58,239 I really appreciate that, Barney, but... 358 00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:02,341 Congrats. You guys are getting a fantastic apartment. 359 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,747 I mean, I know some of the features are a little weird. 360 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,979 A little? 361 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,351 We're gonna rip this thing down to the studs. 362 00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,185 I get it. 363 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,817 But, I mean, some things might be worth saving. 364 00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:17,020 I don't see any. 365 00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,021 You don't see any? 366 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,694 Sure, some of the stuff in here is creepy, but it's also brilliant. 367 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,795 I mean, a lot of geniuses were kind of pervy. 368 00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,362 Look at Thomas Edison. 369 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,499 Why do you think that light bulbs are boob-shaped? 370 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,306 Yeah, we're taking a wrecking ball to this place... 371 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,711 and turning it into something actually fit for humans. 372 00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:39,974 Excuse me. 373 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,259 Get out! 374 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,353 The Fortress of Barnitude is no longer for sale. 375 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:54,422 Also your husband has been staring at my ass all afternoon... 376 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,367 so don't act all high-and-mighty. 377 00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,131 You turned them down? 378 00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:00,535 Yeah. 379 00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:03,268 If I ask you to change too many things about yourself... 380 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:05,833 you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. 381 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,709 Turns out I accept and appreciate... 382 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:13,376 even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you. 383 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:18,047 Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows. 384 00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:23,493 It's the Captain. 385 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,890 - Ahoy. - There's a zebra at the Central Park Zoo... 386 00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:29,957 who's got quite a keen hoof at photography. 387 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,196 Ironically, he's great with color. Now... 388 00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:35,707 Captain, I'll check it out, just not tonight. 389 00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,242 I need to spend some time with my husband. 390 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:40,701 You sure? 391 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:43,339 I know it's been tough, me working this much... 392 00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:47,351 and I guess I went a little overboard with the whole artsy thing. 393 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,751 I know. The cape. 394 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,948 - What about my cape? - I love it. 395 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,889 And I... I know that you love this job. 396 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,756 I should be more supportive. I just miss you. 397 00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:57,226 I miss you too. 398 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,291 - Hey, guys. - Mmm. Hey. 399 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,891 You guys are all so lucky. 400 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:06,164 When am I gonna find something real? 401 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,469 Well, Emsbury, ready to see what it's like to be with a woman? 402 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,601 I suppose there's a first time for everything. 403 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,378 - Go ahead. - My son. 404 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:29,683 Are you guys sure we're gonna like this Woodworthy Manor show? 405 00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,592 Yeah, it sounds kind of boring. 406 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:34,097 - Oh, no. - Kind of boring? 407 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,567 Grab a seat, guys, but trust me, you're only gonna need the edge. 408 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:41,572 Aha. All right. Now a little backstory. 409 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,371 Lady Stoutshire has developed a serious case of croquet ankle... 410 00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:47,708 and the cook, Mrs. Bootbrush... 411 00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:50,907 can't find enough chestnuts for a proper St. Crispin's Day goose. 412 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,473 Let's watch. 413 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,630 - I love you. - My wrist is broken. 414 00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:08,689 - Worth it. - Ow. 415 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,031 Mmm. 32412

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