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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,534 This is the life. 2 00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:12,340 We got the three B's... beach, booze and bodacious babes. 3 00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:15,313 I don't know. I'm starting to think we should call the police. 4 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,009 Oh, would you relax? 5 00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,573 We've got it made. 6 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:22,883 One whole week at his bodacious beach house, no strings attached. 7 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,857 Well, there is one string attached. 8 00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,689 Hi, Barney. 9 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,265 Bodacious. 10 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,730 Weekend at Barney's! 11 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:45,505 - What is it? What's wrong? - The plays, Robin. The plays. 12 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:49,639 The ingenious techniques I used as a bachelor to pick up busty dullards. 13 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,048 They just keep coming to me. I can't turn them off. 14 00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,450 Okay, Barney, let me ease your mind, okay? 15 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,148 All right, here we go. 16 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,884 Remember when you set your playbook on fire? 17 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,061 That was the moment I realized you were someone I could marry. 18 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,659 And I'd burn it again if I could. 19 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,535 You're right. I'm done with all these plays. 20 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:18,543 Besides, there's no way I'll ever come up with anything that tops Weekend at Barney's. 21 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,354 - Weekend at Barney's Two! - Damn it, Barney! 22 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:45,029 So, there's this big gallery opening tonight. 23 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,097 Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this, um... 24 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,334 Genesis reunion. 25 00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,774 Madison Square Garden, front row. 26 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,108 - It's gonna be legen... - I wasn't inviting you guys. 27 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,046 Oh, thank God. There is no concert. 28 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,777 As the Captain's new art buyer... 29 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,285 I have to go schmooze this up-and-coming artist... 30 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:01,820 Strickland Stevens... 31 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,356 so we get first dibs on all his new stuff. 32 00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:05,914 And I'll be helping Lily seal the deal... 33 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,584 by impressing the intelligentsia... 34 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,560 with some art-related hilarity. 35 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,859 I've prepared some jokes. 36 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,832 Why couldn't the art dealer pay his rent? 37 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,631 - I don't know. - This is gonna be rough. 38 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,400 Because he ran out of Monet. 39 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,600 You're gonna get that on the walk home. 40 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,573 How about this one? 41 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,076 You know what? We'd love to hear it... 42 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,079 but we've got that, um... that... 43 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,513 Steely Dan. Carnegie Hall, backstage pass. 44 00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,880 Let's go. We don't wanna miss whatever their big song was. 45 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:34,749 Your wedding response card, as promised. 46 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,187 Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else? 47 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,589 See, that's sad, Robin. 48 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,854 You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. 49 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:46,228 Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships... 50 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,062 that we no longer wish to experience the... 51 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,335 - You wanted to keep the stamp? - They're 46 cents now. It's getting out of hand. 52 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,832 "Your invitation is joyfully accepted... 53 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,433 by Mr. Ted Mosby and Jeanette." 54 00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,843 Kids, as you'll recall... 55 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,405 Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother. 56 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,781 My friends only had one tiny problem with her. 57 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,388 She was nuts. 58 00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,185 So you're bringing a plus-one? 59 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,284 If you count the voices in her head, it's plus-five. 60 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,022 Guys, I'm bringing her... 61 00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:18,859 and you're gonna love having her there. 62 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,263 And, by the way... 63 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,960 just so this doesn't turn into an argument later... 64 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,162 the dress she's gonna wear isn't technically white. 65 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:28,469 It's eggshell. The shoes are white though. 66 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,534 And the gloves. And the veil. Well, see you, guys. 67 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,603 - Mosby, get your... - No, no. No. 68 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,752 Oh, my God. What happened? 69 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:42,185 Oh, I trashed your apartment. 70 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:46,282 - See, I got bored, so I started going through your e-mails. - Sure. 71 00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:50,557 And I found one from a woman with the subject line "Big Penis Orgasm." 72 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,598 So naturally, I smashed your plates... 73 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,065 knifed your mattress, peed in your drawers... the whole nine. 74 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:59,767 But then, while I was upper-decking your toilet, I actually read the e-mail. 75 00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:02,000 Turns out it was spam. 76 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,603 Classic Jeanette, huh? 77 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,345 Oh, my God. 78 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,506 You are certifiably insane... 79 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,307 about me. 80 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:15,479 - Come here, you knucklehead. I can't stay mad at you. - Ted, Ted. 81 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:17,523 I'm breaking up with you. 82 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:21,185 You're just so intense, and it's all moving way too fast. 83 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,286 Here's your key back. 84 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,853 I never gave you a key. 85 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,694 And here's your grandmother's ring. 86 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,166 She was buried wearing this. 87 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:32,270 And just like that, it was over. 88 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,165 I texted Barney and Robin. 89 00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,869 I'm sure they're over the moon that Jeanette's not coming to the wedding. 90 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,741 Oh, no. Ted, no. 91 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:42,474 They're not gonna be happy about you being sad. 92 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,038 They broke up! 93 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,442 Ted, respectfully... 94 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,114 are you sure that this was the right girl for you? 95 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,885 Of course not. Mm, she was crazy. 96 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,156 Absolutely a nightmare. Totally not worth the trouble. 97 00:04:56,229 --> 00:05:00,723 I mean, no matter how... no matter how great the sex was. 98 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,791 - Uh-oh. - Stay with us, buddy. 99 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,804 No matter how hot and... passionate... 100 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:09,535 and... surprising, possibly illegal... 101 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,577 - I don't like this. - Me neither. 102 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,635 I'm gonna win her back. 103 00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,142 Barney and Robin are gonna be so happy I'm happy. 104 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,185 - I just... - I know. 105 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,687 I know. 106 00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:25,485 Did you just unhook my bra? 107 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:28,049 Shh. There, there. 108 00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:30,220 That night was the big gallery show. 109 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,161 Hey. I'm so sorry. 110 00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,096 I decided to grab a snack from the bodega. 111 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,930 Why? They'll have food at the gallery. 112 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,697 Oh, come on, these places never have food. 113 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:41,035 It's fine. I got some Skittles. 114 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,541 That was the last bag of Skittles... 115 00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,406 your Uncle Marshall would ever buy. 116 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:50,475 Meanwhile, I headed over to Jeanette's place to win her back. 117 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,283 What the hell? 118 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,556 - I can't let you do this, Ted. - I want Jeanette back. 119 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,256 Well, then accept my apology. 120 00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,129 - For what? - This. 121 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:15,969 Ow! Ow! Ow! Damn it! You're strong. 122 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,977 - That's just from Pilates? - Twice a week. 123 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,775 Look, I don't want you getting back with Jeanette. 124 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,214 Ted, what is my one rule? 125 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,046 You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows? 126 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:29,054 - My other one rule. - Flaxseed relieves upset stomach? 127 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,023 - My other one rule. - Always have a fake pair of concert tickets... 128 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:33,851 in case Lily invites you to something stupid? 129 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,658 - My other one rule. - Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there? 130 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,560 - My other one rule. - New is always better? 131 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:41,498 New is always better! Exactly, Ted. 132 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:45,025 You want to invite a date to our wedding? It is not gonna be Jeanette. 133 00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:46,594 It is gonna be someone new. 134 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,163 And I am gonna help you find her... 135 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,608 with a little help from... 136 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,144 the playbook. 137 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,476 The playbook? Didn't you burn that? 138 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,539 Oh, I didn't burn the real one. 139 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,881 That was the ceremonial playbook... 140 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:03,820 for parades, mall openings, inaugurations, stuff like that. 141 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,755 That's a pretty big secret to keep from Robin. 142 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:09,226 Which is exactly why I'm trusting you, my best bro... 143 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:11,855 to never let her know that the playbook still exists. 144 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,824 Pinky swear? 145 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,695 - Fine. - Hmm. 146 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,260 Wow! 147 00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:22,097 Oh! See? I told ya. 148 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,667 Thank God I snuck in this bag of goodness. 149 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,447 There's Strickland Stevens. 150 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,678 Wow. Even his scarf is up-and-coming. 151 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:36,384 Are you gonna be okay by yourself for a few minutes? 152 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,117 Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be? 153 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:41,126 Well, you're sitting on an $80,000 sculpture. 154 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:44,857 For 80 grand, you'd think it'd be more comfortable. 155 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,126 Lil, I'll be fine. 156 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,690 Do you know who you're talking to? 157 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,736 In high school, I was voted Most Outgoing... 158 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,135 freshman, sophomore and senior year. 159 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,867 What happened junior year? 160 00:07:56,442 --> 00:08:00,674 Egdud Furhaki. That outgoing son of a bitch. 161 00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:03,340 He beat you for Most Outgoing? 162 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,316 Huh? Oh, no. We tied. 163 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,922 The point is I can make friends anywhere, even here. 164 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,924 - Thanks, baby. - Yeah. 165 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,218 Hey. Excuse me. 166 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:21,164 Listen, uh, do you think that you would enjoy a show... 167 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,828 featuring Donatello... 168 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:27,771 Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo? 169 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,003 Well, sounds like you're a fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 170 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,908 Gotcha. Skin it. 171 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,776 He will get that on the drive home. 172 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,547 He didn't. 173 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,347 - Fireworks? - Yeah. 174 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:47,415 Everything in there is a prop we'll need for tonight. 175 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,758 Everything. 176 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,496 All right. Here's how this is going down. 177 00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,936 You'll be wearing this earpiece and microphone. 178 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,474 I'll be staked out here, telling you exactly what to say. 179 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,908 So just stay focused and you'll be fine. 180 00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:07,639 Which play we gonna run first? 181 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,374 How about the Weekend at Barney's? 182 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,450 Oh, Ted, your first day at the salon, and you wanna do a cut and color? 183 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,717 No. Tonight we're gonna start off with... 184 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,393 Ice Man to Neruda. 185 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,623 Ice Man to Neruda. Bogey at 10:00. 186 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,564 And she is packing two fully operational sweater stretchers. 187 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,466 That's Bravo-Oscar-Oscar-Bravo-Sierra. 188 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,265 Possible Delta cups. 189 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:35,739 Copy that. Engaging target. Over. 190 00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,799 Uh, excuse me. I have a delivery for Lisa. 191 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:40,311 Excuse me. I have a delivery for Lisa. 192 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,313 - Are you Lisa? - Are you Lisa? 193 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,975 - Uh, no. - But you must be. 194 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:49,545 - I was told to... deliver this package to a girl named Lisa... 195 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,852 and that I'd recognize her because she'd be... 196 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,983 ...the most beautiful girl in this bar. 197 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:57,052 So here's your delivery, Lisa. 198 00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,120 Uh, I am definitely not Lisa. 199 00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,962 But I would be happy to help you find her. 200 00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:04,764 Great. And then maybe later... 201 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,965 ...I could give you a different package... my penis. 202 00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,710 - That is a terrible line! - You said it wrong. 203 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,373 I did not say it wrong. My penis. 204 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,882 - No. - My penis. 205 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,612 - Still not right. - My penis, my penis, my penis! 206 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:24,686 Hello. 207 00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,652 This sucks. I can't get near Strickland. 208 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,459 At least Marshall's having a good time. 209 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,965 Man, he always knows just the right thing to say. 210 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:38,595 For a gay guy Andy Warhol sure liked cans. 211 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,302 This sucks. 212 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,172 Maybe I've lost my charm. 213 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,303 No, Marshall. If Lily's gonna make it in this fancy art world... 214 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,904 you're gonna have to make it too. 215 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:54,214 So suck it up. Stop sitting on the art and bust out the "A" material. 216 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,417 You two keep chugging like that... 217 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,859 you're gonna have to Vincent Van Gogh to the bathroom. 218 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,829 - Am I right? - It's pronounced Van Gogh. 219 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,258 Oh, blogh me. 220 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,030 I still don't get why someone would leave the hospital... 221 00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:15,596 without changing into their clothes first. 222 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,609 - Over. - Ted, this is my thing. 223 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,271 So just... Okay? Over. 224 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,610 Okay? Over. 225 00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,218 - Are you all right? - What? Oh. 226 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,777 Yes, yes. I'm fine. 227 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:34,519 Tomorrow I'm donating a kidney to my best friend. 228 00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,857 My best friend, Barney. 229 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,659 Not Marshall. Barney. 230 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,632 Marshall's so lame. 231 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:45,462 Anyway, uh, just wanted to grab one last drink... 232 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,530 in case, you know, I don't make it. 233 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,472 You are so brave. 234 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,101 Hey, listen. 235 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:56,171 Before I give my best friend this organ, how about... 236 00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:59,081 Nope. Nope. I'm not saying that. 237 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,713 I did hear you, but I'm not saying that. 238 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,312 Because I'm not. 239 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,153 - Are you okay? - One second. 240 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:09,820 I know you put a lot of work into this. I understand that. 241 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,760 I understand that. 242 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,662 I understand that. 243 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,757 I understand that. 244 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,669 Why can't I just talk to her? Maybe we'll hit it off. 245 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:23,664 Fine. 246 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,768 Copy that. 247 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,743 How about I give you a different organ? 248 00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,508 My penis. 249 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,691 - You said it wrong. - I did not say it wrong! 250 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,122 Thank you all so much for coming. 251 00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:48,030 If you'll indulge me, I would like to share a story... 252 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,261 about my dearly departed grandmother. 253 00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:53,305 Oh, God. News flash, Johnny Ascot... 254 00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:55,499 lots of people have dead grandmas. 255 00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:58,407 No, Marshall. Don't be bitter. 256 00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:00,274 You're here for Lily. 257 00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,644 Just look at her... so professional. 258 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:05,411 She hasn't sat on a single piece of art. 259 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:08,749 I'm gonna ride this thing out with dignity for Lily. 260 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,449 Not one more thing that might embarrass her. 261 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,459 I will simply stand here... 262 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:18,019 perfectly invisible. 263 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:22,466 And so I dedicate this show to my grandmother's memory. 264 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:26,130 Now, please join me in honoring her... 265 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:30,505 with 60 seconds of absolute silence. 266 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,777 Okay, Neruda, this play is extremely complicated. 267 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,282 Let me guess. Does it involve me saying "my penis" in a Scottish accent? 268 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,010 Now you're gettin' it, laddie! 269 00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,053 - Hey! - Robin, what are you doing here? 270 00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:19,056 I was curious as to whether you found Ted a date to our wedding... 271 00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,058 who was a little less, you know, Antichristy. 272 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,464 Is that the playbook? 273 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,864 No, Robin. 274 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,459 That is a couch. 275 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:42,781 Oh, you mean the playbook on the couch? I can explain. 276 00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:44,372 - Don't bother. - I can e... 277 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,544 Uh, Ted? Uh, I gotta step away from mission control for a sec. 278 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,520 Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. 279 00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:51,146 Robin. 280 00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,292 Robin, wait. 281 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,028 Um, shoot. 282 00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:10,575 I haven't figure out what I'm gonna say yet. Keep going. 283 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,471 Robin, wait. 284 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,482 Look, I'm sorry that I still have the playbook. 285 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,143 It's just... It's filled with a lifetime of great ideas. 286 00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,744 - What, am I supposed to just leave all that behind? - Yes! 287 00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:26,484 But... Weekend at Barney's. 288 00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:29,959 Okay, what is that? Explain the Weekend at Barney's to me. 289 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:33,624 What's to explain? I play a dead guy, and Ted and Marshall carry me around. 290 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:36,600 - Okay, and based on that, girls wanna sleep with you. - Big time. 291 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,263 - But you're dead. - Yeah. Except not really, obviously. 292 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,778 - But the girl thinks you're dead. - No, she thinks I'm alive. 293 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,638 - Which you are. Except you're dead. - Exactly. Exactly. 294 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,302 - Except you're alive. - Exactly. 295 00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:49,211 Okay, so instead of being an alive person... 296 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:52,648 pretending to be a dead person pretending to be an alive person... 297 00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,811 why not just be an alive person? 298 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:58,255 Okay, let's start from the beginning. 299 00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:02,090 The movie is called Weekend at Bernie's. 300 00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:05,494 My name is Barney. 301 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,528 I'm so sorry, sweetie. 302 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,330 I don't know if you heard, but I dropped some Skittles. 303 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,564 I'm just gonna go home before I make things worse. 304 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,403 You're not going anywhere. We're a team. 305 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:20,844 You stuck by me after my nip slip at your law school graduation. 306 00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:24,041 And after my nip slip at the GNB Christmas party. 307 00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:27,882 And after my nip slip at the Honeywell & Cootes Family Fun Day. 308 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:30,012 I don't know why you keep wearing that top. 309 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:33,024 All right, I'll stay put. But I'm keeping my mouth shut. 310 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,788 No more jokes. No more candy. 311 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,091 No more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 312 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:42,190 Hey, are you guys talking Ninja Turtles? I'm a huge T. M.N.T. Fan. 313 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,996 I grew up on those comic books. 314 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,367 Me too. I was obsessed. 315 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,168 Did you know that the original comic debuted in 1984... 316 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:50,731 at a convention in New Hampshire? 317 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,299 Uh, yes. 318 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,107 Did you know that Eastman and Laird always had their doubts... 319 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,613 - about their characters being commercialized? - Yes! 320 00:16:56,682 --> 00:17:01,119 Did you know that the painting on the back wall is inspired by Master Splinter? 321 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,677 Oh, the one of the rat doing karate. 322 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,747 I see it now. 323 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,156 - Hey, I'm Strickland. - Hey. Marshall. 324 00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,252 And this is my wife, Lily... 325 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,320 who, as a matter of fact, happens to represent... 326 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,559 one of the biggest art collectors in New York City. 327 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:18,433 I love your work. It's great to see you getting some recognition. 328 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,199 Thank you. It's been a long haul. 329 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:23,935 The first painting I ever sold, I used the money to get my car fixed. 330 00:17:25,277 --> 00:17:29,907 You might say I used it to make my Van Gogh. 331 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,609 That's... That's... 332 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,119 Um, a little something called rigor mortis? 333 00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:37,678 - Okay. - Oh, come on. 334 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,621 Are you really this mad about a book? 335 00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:42,558 You really think that this is just about a book, Barney? 336 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,323 You lied to me. 337 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:48,332 If we're gonna be in a marriage and trust each other, you can't lie to me, ever. 338 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,925 Really? Well, that's just great. 339 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,995 Because in case you haven't noticed these last eight years... 340 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,974 lying is what I do best. 341 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,408 I'm a magician, Robin. 342 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:03,471 Misdirection and deceit are my stock in trade. 343 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:05,244 You don't want me to lie to you? 344 00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:07,945 Lies are the reason that we're together. 345 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,217 Every single thing I did to get you to say yes to me on that rooftop... 346 00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:14,418 Patrice, the false engagement, everything... 347 00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,757 it was all utter malarkey. 348 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:21,926 But underneath all of those lies is one true thing... 349 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,729 one true thing... 350 00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:27,169 that can support the weight of all the lies in the world... 351 00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:30,037 and... and that's the fact that I love you. 352 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,873 And you know that when I say that... 353 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,311 I am not lying. 354 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,544 Hah! 355 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,846 Wha... 356 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:59,396 - Did you just unhook my bra again? - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 357 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,132 Jeanette, this is great. 358 00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,071 We're back together. 359 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,610 You're coming to Barney and Robin's wedding. 360 00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:08,305 I found two wine glasses you didn't smash. 361 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,371 Call me crazy, but I've got a feeling... 362 00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:13,043 from here on out, it's gonna be nothing but blue skies and... 363 00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:17,054 What... the hell is this? 364 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:22,487 Uh-oh. Check out this text from Ted. 365 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:31,093 Oh, my... What the hell happened here? 366 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,434 Jeanette and I had a little spat. 367 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,275 Would anyone like some wine? It's a nice Côtes du Rhône. 368 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,867 Still needs to breathe a bit. 369 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,106 You know what? I got a decanter upstairs, so... 370 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,274 We should just drink it now. 371 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,980 And for the grand finale, I found your fireworks. 372 00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,853 Let's see what they do to your precious playbook! 373 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:56,383 No! Jeanette, please! That's Barney's life's work! 374 00:19:56,461 --> 00:20:00,124 It's fine, Ted. Blow it up, Jeanette. 375 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,295 ♪♪ ♪ Put a candle in the window ♪ 376 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,963 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 377 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:14,306 ♪ 'Cause I feel I've got to move ♪ 378 00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:20,050 ♪ Though I'm going, going ♪ 379 00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:23,383 ♪ I'll be coming home soon ♪ 380 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:27,653 ♪ Long as I can see the light ♪ 381 00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,863 Okay. 382 00:20:38,937 --> 00:20:40,837 No more dating. 383 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,101 I'm ready to settle down. 384 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:46,008 And, kids, for the first time in my life... 385 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,568 I really meant it. 386 00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:50,481 And the boots. 387 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:05,357 ♪ Long as I can see the light ♪ ♪ 30111

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