Original subtitles

*** Subtitles by dylux ***

♪ (The Go-Go's "We Got The Beat" playing) ♪

♪ See the people walking down the street ♪

♪ Fall in line just watching all their feet ♪

♪ They don't know where they want to go ♪

♪ They're walking in time ♪

♪ They got the beat ♪

♪ They got the beat, yeah ♪

♪ They got the beat ♪

♪ All the kids just getting out of school ♪

♪ They can't wait to hang out and be cool ♪

♪ Hang around till quarter after 12:00 ♪

♪ That's when they fall in line ♪

♪ They got the beat They got the beat ♪

♪ Kids got the beat, yeah ♪

♪ Kids got the beat ♪

♪ Go-go music really makes us dance ♪

♪ Doing the Pony puts us in a trance ♪

♪ Do the Watusi just give us a chance ♪

♪ That's when we fall in line ♪

♪ 'Cause we got the beat ♪

♪ We got the beat ♪

♪ We got the beat, yeah ♪

♪ We got it ♪

♪ We got the beat ♪

♪ Everybody, get on your feet ♪

♪ We got the beat ♪

♪ We know you can dance to the beat ♪

♪ We got the beat ♪

♪ Jump back, get down ♪

♪ 'Round and 'round and 'round ♪

♪ We got the beat ♪

Linda, Linda, Linda. There he is. There's that guy from the stereo store.

Don't you think he looks like Richard Gere?

Did you see his cute little butt?

Okay, you guys, let's talk about that fox that just walked in.

(Both) We already were.

I'm gonna go over there, okay, and change the shakers.

Cool out. That's Stacy's section.

Oh, he's too old. She's not even in high school yet.

Smoking's upstairs to your left.

Smoking's upstairs.

Hey, Rat, is Dolly Parton giving you a percentage of the profit?

What can I do for you, gentlemen?

Are you the guy with the Van Halen tickets?

I could be.

How much you want for something in the first ten rows?

Twenty bucks apiece.

Those tickets were only 12.50.

So don't buy 'em.

Come on, Arnold. All the other scalpers are sold out.

Scalper? Did you call me a scalper?

Listen, gentlemen, I perform a service here.

And the service costs money.

Now, do you want the tickets or don't you?

Okay, we'll take 'em.

- All right. What did I say? Twenty-five? - (Both, solemnly) Twenty.

Sound.

Thank you.

Just made 16 bucks, Rat.

- What's the matter? You look depressed. - I hate working the theater.

All the action's on the other side of the mall.

How's it going?

- You wanna take his table? - Yes.

Go for it. He's cute.

Just take his order, look him in the eye,

and if he says anything remotely funny,

just laugh like you never heard anything so funny.

And smile.

Go for it.

So, you working hard or hardly working?

(Chuckles)

You look like you could still be in high school.

Yeah, I know. Everybody says that.

How old are you?

Nineteen. How old are you?

Twenty-six.

Think we could still be friends?

So, what can I get for you?

How about a meatball sandwich...

a medium Coke...

and your phone number?

- (Man) Hi. - Hello.

(Chuckling) Get out of here, Bradley.

- (Woman, indistinct) - (Brad) Dave.

- (Dave) How you doing, Brad? - Cooking.

Daddy's home, boys. We shall serve no fries before their time.

Uh, this one's on you, dude.

Who's got the beaucoup dólares today?

Uno dinero.

(Surfer #1) What have you got, Mr. Buck Man?

I got a cigarette.

I got uno nickelette. (laughs)

Hey.

You guys had shirts on when you came in here.

But something happened to 'em, man. (laughs)

Come on, Spicoli, just put the shirts back on.

You see that sign?

- (Spicoli) "No shirt. No shoes." - (Surfers) "No dice." (Laughing)

Right.

Learn it.

Know it.

Live it.

- Whoa. - He's the full hot orator.

(Stacy) Linda, did I show you this? He gave me his card.

"Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant."

Maybe we should get a frame for this and put it up on the wall.

Come on, Linda, you're the one who told me I was gonna get a boyfriend at the mall.

Do you think he'll call this week?

- Stace, why don't you just call him? - I can't.

Yes, you can. Guys love that sort of thing.

- Really? - Yes.

(Chuckles)

Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're 15 years old.

I did it when I was 13.

It's no huge thing. It's just sex.

He was hot, wasn't he?

If I didn't have a fiancé in Chicago, I'd go for it.

(Chattering)

♪ ("American Girl" playing) ♪

(Shouting)

Hey, how you doing?

Oh, those guys are hot.

♪ Well, she was an American girl ♪

♪ Raised on promises ♪

Um, do you know where F10 is?

Sure. You just go right down the hall and turn left.

♪ She was an American girl ♪

(Grunts) Shit.

Hi, Bradley.

Growing up. Looking good.

Another year joined at the lips.

- Hi, Brad! - Denise. I'd make you see God.

- (Women) Brad! - (Men yell)

- (Man #1) The Cruising Vessel. - (Dave) Bradley!

Thanks, David.

Six more payments, gentlemen,

and this beautiful blue four-door luxury sedan is all mine.

(Scalper) I'll give you four tickets in the fifth row

for the low, low price of $140.

Hey, see that car?

Some alumni gave Jefferson that car for playing football

when he was a sophomore.

Helped him pick it out.

- Slick car. - (Chuckles) We go way back, you know.

- (Car door opens) - Hey, Charles. How you doing, buddy?

Car looks great.

I mean, really terrific. You're really keeping it up wonderfully.

Don't fuck with it.

(Car door closes)

Shit. That's my man.

(Chattering)

- Brad. - Arnold. What's happening?

Um, can I talk to you a minute?

Sure, man.

Uh, I really hate Bronco Burger, man.

Ever since they started with the chicken nuggets, everything went downhill.

You have to fry all their greasy food and everything.

You have to polish things. The manager's an asshole. I mean...

I was, um, just wondering--

Arnold, you want to work at All-American Burger.

- (Chuckles) Yeah, well, um... - I can probably get you in there.

Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor.

- All right! - Okay.

(School bell rings)

Wait. You hear the bell ring?

- What bell? - We're here.

- Oh, we're not late. - (Scoffs)

(Laughs)

(School bell rings)

Aloha.

My name is Mr. Hand.

I have but one question for you.

Can you attend my class?

It is for your own good.

And if you can't make it, I can make you.

We have a 20-question quiz every Friday.

Your grade is the average of all your quizzes,

plus the midterm and final, which counts for one-third, got it?

Also... (mutters)

...there will be no eating.

- E-A-I-I-N-G. - (Knocking)

No eating in this class.

(Knocking continues)

You get used to doing your own business on your own time.

That's one demand I make.

Just like you wouldn't want me to come to your house some evening

and discuss US history on your time, understand?

Yes, sir.

(Knocking continues)

This guy's been stoned since the third grade.

- Yes? - Yeah, I'm registered in this class.

What class?

This is US history. See the globe right there.

- Really? - (Chuckles) Yeah.

May I come in?

Oh, please.

I get so lonely when I hear that third attendance bell ring

and all my kids are not here.

(Chuckles)

Sorry I'm late.

It's just, like, this new schedule's totally confusing.

I know that dude.

- Mr. Spicoli? - That's the name they gave me.

- Hey, you're ripping my card. - Yes.

Hey, bud, what's your problem?

No problem at all.

I think you know where the front office is.

You dick!

(Students murmuring)

I have taken the time to print up a complete schedule of class quizzes

and the chapters they cover.

Please pass them to the desks behind you.

Back, back, back.

(Sniffing)

You hear about the surfer guy who pulled a knife on Mr. Hand this morning?

Oh, no. He just called him a dick.

- Dick? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, God. People exaggerate so much here.

Linda, that girl looks just like Pat Benatar.

I know.

Wait. There are three girls here at Ridgemont

who have cultivated the Pat Benatar look.

Chanel Semlar.

Mary Ann Zlotnick, in the red tights.

Do you think guys find that more attractive?

Oh, Stacy, please. Give me a break. You are so much prettier than them.

Yeah, I know.

But you'd think they'd be better in bed.

What do you mean, better in bed? You either do it or you don't.

No. There are, like, variables that I might not be good at.

Like what variables?

Like, you know, giving blow jobs.

What's the big deal?

- I never did it. - You've never given a blow job?

- Mm-mmm. - Never?

Stace, there's nothing to it. It's so easy.

- (Boy) Yo, check it out. - (Linda) Here.

Relax your throat muscles.

- Don't bite. - (Chuckles)

And slide it in.

(Mutters)

- (Gags) - (Linda) Try it again.

Good. Push it slowly in and out.

- You got it. - Okay.

Can I ask you something and you promise not to laugh?

- Sure. - Okay. (chuckles)

When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?

Quart or so.

(Laughs) No, I'm just kidding. Just practice.

Not with your teeth.

(Applauding, laughing)

(Girl) I'm not going to a morgue. I'll get my mom to write a note.

Nobody's getting me into a room with a bunch of dead guys.

You have to go. It's part of the final.

I hear it's really disgusting.

- Do you know what they do? Have you heard? - What?

Well, the bodies are dissected.

Mr. Vargas pulls out parts of the dead body and holds 'em up, okay?

You mean he reaches in and pulls this stuff out?

What, like stomach and tumors or something?

Yeah. Stomach, tumors, entrails.

(Door opens)

Good day, everyone. My name is Mr. Vargas.

Look, I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka.

So have a heart.

All right, now. (clears throat)

The World of Life.

That is the name of the textbook we will be using in this class.

I'm in love.

See that mustache coming in, Rat?

Can almost press it out.

I'm in love.

You are a wuss. Part wimp and part pussy.

What do you mean, wuss? This girl is my exact type.

- All right. Where'd you see her? - My biology class.

- Did you get a number? - No.

- Did you get a name? - No, no. It's too soon.

It's never too soon, Rat.

I mean, a girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say,

"Hello. I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me"?

I would.

I mean, I can see it all now. This is gonna be just like last summer.

You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat,

you bought $40 worth of fucking film,

and you never even talked to her.

You don't even own a camera.

Well, you tell me, Mike. What should I do?

This is what you do.

Start from the minute you walk into biology, Rat.

I mean, don't just walk in.

No, move across the room.

And you don't talk to her.

You use your face.

You use your body. You use everything.

That's what I do.

I mean, I just send out this vibe,

and I have personally found that women do respond.

(Chuckles) I mean, something happens.

Well, naturally something happens.

I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks,

something is gonna happen.

That's the idea, Rat.

- That's the attitude. - The attitude?

Yeah. The attitude dictates

that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays.

I mean, whatever happens, your toes are still tapping.

And when you got that... (chuckles)

...then you have the attitude.

- Good night, Stacy. - Good night, Mom.

(Door closes)

♪("SOMEBODY'S BABY" PLAYING) ♪

♪ Just look at that girl ♪

♪ With lights coming up in her eyes ♪

♪ She's got to be somebody's baby ♪

♪ She must be somebody's baby ♪

- You look beautiful. - Thanks. So do you.

Where do you feel like going?

I don't know.

How about the Point?

Okay.

All right. The Point it is.

♪ She's got to be somebody's baby ♪

♪ She's so fine ♪

♪ She's probably somebody's only light ♪

♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight ♪

♪ She's gonna be somebody's only light ♪

♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight ♪

(Ron exhales)

That's a really nice jacket.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

(Exhales)

It's warm.

Yeah, it is. It's really warm. I wonder how long it will last.

- (Exhales) - So...

- am I gonna get to first base? - (Chuckles)

Are you really 19?

Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm really 19.

♪ She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight ♪

♪ I try to shut my eyes ♪

♪ But I can't get her out of my sight ♪

♪ I know I'm gonna know it ♪

♪ But I gotta get over my fright ♪

♪ I'm just gonna walk up to her ♪

♪ I'm gonna talk to her tonight ♪

♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪

♪ Make her mine tonight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪

♪ Make her mine tonight ♪

So, tell me, do you like Ron?

I like Ron.

- You do? - But it hurt so bad.

Don't worry. Keep doing it. It gets a lot better, I swear.

It better.

("Raised on the Radio" playing)

♪ Just an all-American boy ♪

♪ I got my favorite toy ♪

♪ I was ♪

♪ Raised on the radio ♪

♪ Yeah, I was raised on the radio ♪

♪ Remembering when times were bad ♪

♪ Love is all we need ♪

♪ And love was all we had ♪

- (Brad) Mom says to clean the pool. - Why can't you do it?

Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up.

Your friends use the pool too.

I take out the garbage.

Brad!

Brad.

- Have Mom and Dad seen these? - They're not home yet.

- Brad. - What?

What would you say if I asked you to put these in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel

and get rid of 'em for me?

- I'd say, "Who the hell is Ron Johnson?" - Please.

Thank you very much.

Lisa's great.

Yeah.

I don't understand why you wanna break up with a girl like that.

Well, me and Lisa have been going together for two years.

I love her and all.

I mean, she's great in bed.

It's just that I'm a single, successful guy.

And, uh, this is my last year in school.

I mean, this could be the best year of my life.

I just feel like I need my freedom now, you know?

Okay. Uh, here's your preparation stuff.

You got your sliced tomatoes, shredded lettuce, secret sauce.

- What's the secret sauce? - Thousand Island dressing.

What's the secret sauce of Bronco Burger?

Ketchup and mayonnaise.

- (Scoffs) Gotcha. - (Lisa) Order for you, Bradley.

Were those flowers really for me?

Of course.

How much did they cost?

Don't worry about it.

Wanna go to the Point tonight?

What's there to do at the Point?

What do you mean, what's there to do at the Point?

We've been going out together for two years.

I don't wanna have to use sex as a tool, Brad.

Tool? Tool for what?

We've been going together for two years.

- I don't wanna talk about it here. - I wanna talk about it.

- (Arnold) Brad. - Lisa?

Brad!

You gotta flip 'em or they'll burn.

C.

D.

F.

Three weeks we've been talking about the Platt Amendment.

What are you people, on dope?

A piece of legislation was introduced into Congress by Senator John Platt.

It was passed in 1906.

This amendment to our Constitution has a profound impact upon all of our...

Where is Jeff Spicoli?

I saw him earlier today near the first floor bathrooms.

Is he still on campus?

Anyone?

Yes, Desmond?

I saw him by the food machines.

How long ago?

Right before class.

Okay. (snaps fingers) Bring him in.

What is this fascination with truancy?

What is it that gets inside your heads?

There are some teachers in this school who look the other way at truants.

It's a little game that you both play.

They pretend they don't see you. You pretend you don't ditch.

Now, who pays the price later? You.

Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here.

(Class snickers)

Hola, Mr. Hand.

What's the reason for your truancy?

Just couldn't make it on time.

You mean you couldn't or you wouldn't?

It was, like, a full crowd scene at the food lines.

Food will be eaten on your time.

Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli?

Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this?

- I don't know. - (Class snickers)

I like that. (chuckles)

"I don't know."

That's nice.

"Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?"

- "Gee, Mr. Spicoli, I don't know." - (Class laughs)

That's nice. I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm going to leave your words on this board for all my classes to enjoy,

giving you full credit, of course, Mr. Spicoli.

- All right. - (School bell rings)

("Winter Wonderland" plays)

♪ Sleigh bells ring, Are you listening ♪

♪ ln the lane ♪

- Mommy. - Oh, no.

Mommy!

♪ Snow is glistening ♪

Oh, no!

♪ A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight ♪

♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪

How fucking long do I have to wait?

Christmas sucks. I hate it.

Ah, you gotta get used to working the holidays.

People are always screaming and yelling.

I have to quit this job.

I'm gonna get so fat working here, no one's ever gonna wanna take me out.

I guess Ron hasn't called yet, huh?

Not since November.

Stacy, what does it matter? He's a stereo salesman.

What did you wanna do? Marry him? Have kids with him?

Have this guy come home, 50 years old and bald,

and have that little Pacific Stereo sign on?

Come on, Stace. Hey, it's his loss.

Got any Blue Öyster Cult?

No. I don't have any Blue Öyster Cult.

I ate 34 pairs last time around. Where were you?

I was that close to working at 7-Eleven, you know?

(Spicoli) Whoa, bud.

What?

- All right. Play me? - Totally.

All right. You got quarters?

When are those Earth, Wind & Fire tickets coming in?

Earth, Wind & Fire?

Geez, uh, I haven't heard anything.

But the minute I do, I'll let you know.

You know, I'm planning on taking my little brother over here.

Is that your little brother?

(Chuckles) He's a good-looking kid.

Uh, great.

Charles Jefferson for Earth, Wind & Fire. And little brother.

And I'll let you know when they come around, okay?

(Sighs)

Wow. Does he really live here?

I thought he just flew in for games.

Shit. He knows where to come when he wants some tickets.

All right, now, go on. Get out of here. Okay? You're messing up my business.

Come on, Rat. Let's go get you a woman.

Wow.

You ready for your moment of truth?

You know, Damone, I noticed I was starting to get a pimple this morning ̶̶

Rat, the shyness routine is really starting to aggravate.

I mean, now, who is she anyways, right? She's a waitress in a pizza parlor.

Huh? Look at her.

Look at you.

Member of the honor roll.

Assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater.

I'm telling you, Rat,

if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her?

- Right? - Right.

- All right. - All right.

- How do you feel? - I feel good.

Do you? All right, now stop fucking around and go get her.

Hey, Rat.

You gotta ace that jacket.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

All right. That's cool. You look good.

All right? Go get her, buddy.

(Stacy) 1.10, and you get five cents back.

Thanks.

- Hi. Don't I know you from biology class? - Yeah.

What can I do for you?

Yeah, I had a couple of questions.

I was curious, what do you do with the jackets that people leave here?

We keep 'em.

- You keep 'em? - In case you come back.

- You can look through it if you want. - No, that's cool. I ̶̶

Would take too long to look through all that stuff.

I'll just ̶̶ I'll pick up a new one.

What was your other question?

Oh, uh, my other question is...

can I have your phone number so I can ask you out sometime?

Do you have a pen? This one's out of ink.

Yeah.

Stacy.

Nice to meet you, Stacy. My name is Mark Ratner.

I've gotta ̶̶ I've gotta go.

Lisa, I have something to tell you.

Look, I'm a senior now.

I'm a single, successful guy.

And I've got to be fair to myself.

Lisa...

I think I need my freedom.

Oh, don't do that.

- Please. Please, don't ̶̶ - Brad, can you cover me on register two?

Okay.

- May I help you? - Uh, yes.

This is not the best breakfast I ever ate, and I'd like my money back.

Uh, okay, I believe you have to fill out a form for that.

Uh, no, I'd like my money back now.

I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way.

You see, I have to fill out a form, and, well, you ate most of it already, so...

You see that sign?

It says 100% guaranteed.

You know what the meaning of guarantee is?

- Do they teach you that here? - Sir, if you just wait a minute...

Look, just put your little hand back in the cash register

and give me my $2.75 back, please, Brad.

Sir, if you just give me a minute, I'll find the forms,

I'll take care of everything.

I don't have a minute. You've made me late enough.

I am so tired of dealing with incompetence.

It says 100% guaranteed, you moron.

Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!

Uh, is there a problem here?

Can I help you, sir?

You bet you have a problem.

Your employee here used profanity and threatened me with violence.

I'm surprised. I eat here all the time and usually have good service, until today.

All I wanted was my money back on this breakfast.

It was a little undercooked.

And he threatens me with violence.

- Now, I'm gonna call your supervisor ̶̶ - Uh...

I can take care of it.

Mr. Hamilton, did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way?

Uh... What?

He insulted me first. He called me a moron, Dennis.

Answer me. Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way?

- Yes. - You're fired.

I'm very sorry, sir.

I'll refund your money right now.

- (Coins clink) - Hope you won't hold this against us.

You know how these young kids are these days.

Here we are. Perhaps another breakfast?

I hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!

(Surfer music plays)

(Man) The world's finest surfers showed up today

to do battle with what's turned out to be the biggest wave to hit this coast

since 1946.

Hello, everybody. I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man.

His name, Jeff Spicoli. And, Jeff, congratulations to you.

Things looked kind of rough out there today.

(Chuckles) Well, I'll tell you, Stu, I did battle some humongous waves.

But, you know, just like I told the guy on ABC,

danger is my business. (chuckles)

You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis

or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.

- (Chuckles) Those guys are fags! - (Woman laughs)

That's fantastic. Let me ask you a question.

When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?

Well, Stu, I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport.

It's a way of life. It's no hobby.

It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party."

(Spicoli and women laugh)

- Where'd you get this jacket? - I got this from the network.

Let me ask you a question. What's next for Jeff Spicoli?

(Chuckles) Headed over to the Australian and the Hawaiian Internationals.

Then me and Mick are gonna wing on over to London and jam with the Stones.

- (Woman gasps) - (Spicoli chuckles)

- You guys are invited too. (chuckling) - (Squeals)

- (Knocking) - (Boy) Jeff. Jeff.

Jeff!

- Dad says you have to get up. - Leave me alone.

Dad says you're gonna be late again, you butthole.

Leave me alone!

Dad says you're gonna be late again, you booger.

- (Clatters) - Dad! Jeff threw a snorkel at me!

We just wanna say that we're not Spirit Bunnies anymore.

We always hated that name.

- It bugged the heck out of Dina and me. - It's just such a put-down.

Really.

We know you've got a lot of spirit, everybody, right?

And we're gonna destroy Lincoln next week! All right?

(Scattered applause)

You know, it takes a lot of courage to get up here

and do something that you know people will make fun of.

(Dina) Yeah.

Man. I'm never gonna talk to those guys again.

I'm the one who got Arnold and Dave their jobs there in the first place.

If you'd apologize to Dennis, I'm sure he'd take you back.

(Scoffs) Fuck Dennis Taylor.

I'm not gonna apologize to that wimp.

(Cheerleader shouting indistinctly)

I'm just glad we're still together.

Because a lot's happened, and I really need you this year.

Look, Brad, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you this.

(Cheerleaders chanting)

We're almost out of school.

It's our last year.

And I think we owe it to ourselves to be free.

To go out with other people.

- I still wanna be friends. - (Chuckles)

Look, what am I gonna say to her once we get in the car?

It's no problem, Rat.

What you need is my special five-point plan.

Come on, Damone. I need real help here.

What do you mean?

Hey! Men have died trying to obtain this valuable information, you know.

But I'll give it to you for free.

Okay, okay. What's your five-point plan?

All right. Now, pay attention.

First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl.

Oh, Debbie. (scoffs) Hi.

Two, you always call the shots.

Kiss me. You won't regret it.

Now, three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.

Isn't this great?

Four...

when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you.

It's a classy move.

Uh, the lady will have the linguine in white clam sauce and a Coke with no ice.

And five ̶̶ Now, this is most important, Rat ̶̶

When it comes down to making out,

whenever possible,

put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

♪ ("Kashmir" playing on car stereo) ♪

This is a nice car.

- Yeah, it's my sister's. - Yeah?

(Song continues)

- Do you have Mrs. George for English? - Yeah. Yeah, she's pretty good.

Yeah, she is pretty good.

(Slow music playing)

Have you decided?

Um...

Yeah. I'll have the, uh, knockwurst.

Excellent.

You work at Cinema 4, right?

That must be great.

You get to see all those free movies, you get free popcorn...

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Would you mind if I excuse myself for a moment?

Oh, no. Go ahead.

Are you ready to order here?

(Scary music plays)

(Soft music resumes)

- She will have the knockwurst. - Mmm. And you?

I'll have the same.

Anything to drink?

- Coke. - Two Cokes.

Okay. Thank you.

- I'll be right back. - Okay.

(Phone ringing)

- Hello? - Mike, it's Mark.

Hey, what happened to your date?

It's happening right now.

Everything's fine. Except...

(sighs) I left my wallet at home.

Why don't you go home and get it?

No, I can't. I'm here. The food's coming and everything.

Look, would you do me a favor?

Just borrow your mom's car, drive to my house,

get my wallet and bring it back here.

Hello? Mike?

Mike?

(Sighs) I'm really kind of busy, Rat.

Look, just do me this one favor.

I swear, I won't ask you for anything again in this lifetime or any other,

but just please do this for me.

All right. But you owe me for this one.

Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot. Thanks.

Hey, Beaver, are you all right?

What happened?

(Scary music plays)

Are you sure there's nothing else I can bring you?

(Soft music resumes)

Do you want another Coke?

Um, okay.

Two more Cokes.

- Hey, Mark! Is that you? - Mike!

- Yeah. Hi. You come here? - Yeah, I come for the strudel. It's great.

Hey, listen, I found your wallet the other day. Want it back?

Oh, wow. Yeah. (Chuckles) I was looking for this.

Oh, Mike, you don't know Stacy Hamilton.

Stacy, this is Mike Damone.

- Hi. - Hi.

Nice to meet you.

See you later.

Right. Gotta be going. (Chuckles) See you later.

You wanna go?

Um, yeah.

(Engine off)

I had a really nice time tonight.

Oh, me too.

I'm real sorry someone broke in and stole your tape deck.

Never would have thought it would have happened at such a fancy place.

I know.

You wanna come in for a sec?

- Okay. Sure. - Good.

Where's your brother?

He's out tonight with some friends.

- Can I get you something to drink? - No, no. That's ̶̶ That's okay.

Oh.

Well, do you mind if I change?

No.

Okay. Could you get this for me? It always sticks.

- Thanks. - (Chuckles)

Where are your parents?

My parents are out of town for the weekend.

Brad and I are watching the house.

- This is a really nice picture of you. - Thanks.

You can come in my room if you want.

So, what you wanna do?

I don't know.

Um...

You wanna look at a photo album?

I keep a lot of pictures, you know? From when I grew up and stuff.

- It's kinda stupid. - Sure. Yeah.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

Great.

Photographs.

This is one that Brad took. It's, like, double image type thing.

You know? It's like a mirror, but it looks ̶̶

This is me being stupid. Um...

This is my dog, Gypsy, and my cat, Tullio.

And they're dead now.

- (Mark) Remember him? Mr. Deegan? - (Gasps)

You had Deegan?

- He always wore the same suit. - The same suit.

- He must have had 500 of those suits. - Oh, he was terrible.

No, I think it was one. (chuckles)

♪ ("Love Rules" playing) ♪

♪ So you go out there and you get one, too ♪

♪ Love rules ♪

♪ Yeah, love rules ♪

Hey, you know, I just thought of something.

Oh?

My sister is crazy when it comes to her car.

- It's gotta be back by 11:00. - Do you wanna call her?

No, look, I ̶̶

She's ̶̶ She gets crazy. I mean, that's ̶̶ Her car is her baby.

I ̶̶ I'd better be going.

- Yeah? - I'll call you.

Well, I'll see you in class, okay?

Bye.

♪ Love rules ♪

(Dog barking)

Mark Ratner doesn't like me.

Mark Ratner doesn't like you? You're crazy.

No. He shows absolutely no interest in me.

Well, Stace, Mark Ratner is definitely somebody

that you would have to make the first move with.

Linda, I did.

I made the first move. I made the second move.

I made a complete jerk out of myself is what I did.

Stace, what do you care about Mark Ratner for?

I mean, he's a 16-year-old usher in the movie theater.

You have dated older guys,

you work at the best food stand in the mall,

and you are a close personal friend of mine.

Yeah.

But I was really beginning to like him.

Yeah, well, if that's true, you better find somebody else fast.

♪ ("Fast Times at Ridgemont High" playing) ♪

- Seen the new Playboy? - Good?

- Bo Derek's tits. - All right. (chuckles)

I like sex.

(Car horn honking)

People on ludes should not drive.

(Engine revving)

(Thud)

Hey. Hey, this here's my brother's car.

- You said he was out of town. - And he is.

All right. Then don't hassle it. (Chuckles)

(Tires screeching)

(Horns honking)

- (Tires squeal) - (Horn honks)

Hey, you're crazy, Spicoli. That light was red.

It was yellow a minute ago. I'm sure.

Hey, you gonna scratch my brother's car.

No, I'm not. (chuckles)

Now, look. I'm driving. You navigate.

Where is this party?

Hey, make a right. Right here.

- Here! Here! H ̶̶ - (horn honking)

(Coughing)

My brother's gonna kill us.

He's gonna kill us.

He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill us.

Hey, man, just be glad I had fast reflexes.

- My brother's gonna shit! - Make up your mind, dude.

Is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?

First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us.

Relax. All right?

My old man, he's a television repairman. He's got this ultimate set of tools.

I can fix it.

You can't fix this car, Spicoli.

I can fix it.

(Scoffs)

(Rock music playing)

- (Chattering) - Hey!

- I'm giving you $50 ̶̶ - No, no.

That means if you win, I give you $25.

If I win, you give me five.

- Can't lose. - All right.

All right, I'll put you down for five.

Don't forget about the 14-point spread.

Fourteen-point ̶̶

(murmuring)

(Man) I don't believe those guys at Lincoln did this to Jefferson's car.

(Man 2) Yeah, they totaled that bastard. Can't believe it.

Jefferson's gonna really make Lincoln pay for this.

(Man 3) He's gonna beat the crap out of them.

That guy's gonna totally destroy 'em. Annihilate. You know what I mean?

(Metal clattering)

- Shit. He is pissed off. - (Bangs)

(Crowd whispering)

- (Whistle blows) - (Cheering)

("Fast Times (The Best Years of Our Lives)" playing)

(Echoed breathing)

(Football players grunting)

(Echoed breathing)

♪ They may well mean what they say about you ♪

(Crowd cheering)

♪ You might wander back to future friends ♪

(Grunts)

♪ You may want someone just to talk to ♪

(Whistle blows)

♪ Come too close and take you by the hand ♪

♪ 'Cause now you see there's more to life than what we lovers do ♪

- Holy shit. - Hut! Hut!

(Yelling)

- (Whistle blows) - Walk in here.

(Male announcer) Brought down again by 33, Charles Jefferson.

- (Yelling, grunting) - Hit by Jefferson.

- Crushed by Jefferson. - (Man whoops)

And again by Jefferson.

Jefferson. Jefferson.

Jefferson.

Stretcher, come on.

(Cheering)

(Male announcer) Again, Jefferson.

(Groans)

Fight, Ridgemont!

(Groans)

(Crowd) Five, four, three, two, one.

(Cheering)

(Laughing)

There's nothing to eat here.

What do you mean, there's nothing to eat here?

Take a look. There's nothing that I can eat here.

Get a trout dog.

Forget it. Do you have any fish here that isn't breaded?

It's all prepared the same way.

- Forget it. - Get a Whaler.

- No! - How about a Clamwich?

You ever hear the word "blemish"? You want me to eat something deep-fried?

- Let's get out of here. - Let's go. Place is horrible.

Thank you. Come again. And have a nice day.

I sent a letter to Doug today.

Can't wait till he gets out here.

What's Doug doing in Chicago?

He works for the airline. You'll meet him.

Oh, Linda, you have to do this.

- What? - "Rate Your Mate."

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- Okay? - (Chuckles) Let me test Doug.

Okay.

"The most satisfactory lovemaking occurs

A: When your mate climaxes first. B: You climax first.

- "C: You and your mate climax together." - Climax together.

This is gonna be great, Rat.

It's, like, the highlight of their day.

Maybe we ought to call first. I don't know about dropping in like ̶̶

What are you, kidding? We're gonna surprise 'em.

Look, just fix your collar. All right?

Relax. Just be cool.

Attitude, remember?

- Where'd you get that? Out of the hamper? - Hey, come on. This is clean.

Look, Rat, it's like riding a bike. You fall off, you get right back on.

You mess up a date? Do it again.

- Do you always climax with Doug? - Yes.

I think so.

He's no high school boy.

- (Knocks) - (Mike) Hey.

Came over to help you with your math homework.

Figured you could use it on such a hot day.

Don't worry. They're gonna let us in.

Okay.

But you have to promise me you're gonna leave as soon as my mother gets home.

(Mark) Okay.

- Linda, this is Mike and Mark. - (Mike) Great.

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doing? - Good.

- Water looks great. - Yeah.

Check it out.

It's cold.

- What? - (All laughing)

Very funny. Very funny.

- (Yells) - (Splash)

(Stacy) Lin, come in!

Hey, Linda, I'll judge your dive. I used to be a champion myself, you know.

- (Grunts) - (Stacy laughs)

(Laughing)

Mom know you have company?

It's just Mark and Mike from school.

Hi.

- (Mike) How you doing? - Hi, Linda.

Hi, Brad.

(Stacy) Ow! (laughs)

Uh, could you keep it down?

- I have some work to do inside. - (Stacy) Okay.

(Mike) Who's his tailor?

God, he hardly even talks anymore.

Yeah, I know. He hates wearing a uniform.

(Mike) Hey, Rat, show 'em how you can stand up underwater.

(Mark) Come on.

(Mike sings theme from Jaws)

(Stacy chuckles)

- Watch out, Rat. - Hey, Damone, what are you doing?

- Leave me alone. - Watch out, Rat. Here comes a shark.

- (Mike screams) - All right, Damone, you're gonna get it.

("Moving in Stereo" playing)

Hi, Brad.

You know how cute I always thought you were.

(Music continues)

(Music stops)

Stacy, do you have any Q-tips? I've got water in my ears.

I don't know. Check in the house.

Uh, wait just a minute!

(Exhales)

(Sighs)

Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore?

(School bell rings)

(Mr. Hand) Now, in 1898, Spain owned Cuba outright.

Think about it.

Cuba owned by a disorganized parliament over 4,000 miles away.

Cubans were in a constant ̶̶

Cubans were in a constant state of revolt.

In 1904, the United States decided to throw a little weight around...

- (knocks) ...and, uh...

- Who is it? - Mr. Pizza Guy.

- Again? - Mr. Pizza Guy, sir.

(Soft chuckling)

Who ordered the double cheese and sausage?

Right here, dude. (chuckles)

(Coins clink)

For you, dude.

Am I hallucinating here?

Just what in the hell do you think you are doing?

Learning about Cuba and having some food.

Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here.

You're causing a major disturbance on my time.

(Class chuckles)

I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand.

If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time?

(Class chuckles)

And certainly there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.

You're absolutely right, Mr. Spicoli.

It is our time.

Yours, mine, and everyone else's in this room.

But it is my class.

Hamilton. Brandt. Cornfeld. (Claps) Up front. (snaps fingers)

Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack.

Uh, be my guest.

Help yourselves. Get a good one.

- (Class whispering) - (Boy) Double cheese.

- (Muttering) - Mike. Mike.

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doing? - Good. How are you?

Ugh, I hate walking. I have to walk every day.

- (Woman) Hello. - It's such a drag.

Why don't you get a ride with somebody?

Sometimes I get a ride with my brother.

But, uh, he works in the mornings, and then he drives himself to school.

What a guy.

Listen, uh, Mark Ratner really likes you.

Do you like him?

Mark is really nice.

But I think I like you.

(Ice cream jingle plays)

(Vehicle engine revving)

(Vehicle departing)

Well, uh... this is me.

- You have any ice tea? - Yeah, sure. (chuckles)

Come on in.

So the annuals are coming out pretty soon.

You gonna get one?

- ("The Look in Your Eyes" playing) - I don't know.

Oh, come on.

Aren't you curious to see how your picture turned out?

- I know what I look like. - Yeah, I know.

But it's nice to have pictures of your friends and stuff, you know?

I don't know, maybe, you know? It's no big deal.

I probably will.

(Chuckles)

- Must be nice having a pool. - You wanna go swimming?

- Yeah, sure. I don't mind. - I'm gonna go change, okay?

- Yeah. - Okay, good.

(Exhales)

Hey, this is great ice tea.

- Come on. - Huh?

Brad keeps his stuff in the changing room.

- (Door closes) - This is nice.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

These'll fit you.

You're really a good kisser.

Yeah? (chuckles)

So are you.

You wanna take off your clothes, Mike?

You first.

Both of us at the same time.

Okay.

♪ ("Somebody's Baby" playing) ♪

♪ She's gonna be somebody's only light ♪

♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight ♪

♪ I try to shut my eyes but I can't get her out of my sight ♪

♪ I know I'm gonna know it but I gotta get over my fright ♪

♪ Wait. I'm just gonna walk up to her ♪

(Groans) M-Mike! Mike!

♪ I'm gonna talk to her tonight ♪

- (Mike groans, sighs) - (Music stops)

(Moans)

Are you okay?

(Groans)

I think I came.

Didn't you feel it?

Yeah, I guess I did.

I gotta go, Stacy. I've really gotta go.

See ya.

Bye.

Linda, how long does Doug take?

- Doug takes forever. - Come on.

He takes, um, like 20 to 30 minutes.

I thought you said he took 30 to 40 minutes.

Yeah, that's right. I'm sorry. I meant 30 to 40 minutes.

Why? How long did Damone take?

Damone took, um, 15 to 20 minutes.

That's not bad. That's not bad for a high school boy.

♪ ("Raised on the Radio" playing) ♪

♪ Raised on the radio ♪

♪ Yeah, I was raised on the radio ♪

♪ Just like an all-American boy ♪

- Mike. Hi. - Hi.

- God, I haven't seen you for a while. - Yeah.

I'm kind of in a hurry. I got a lot of stuff I gotta do.

Yeah, I'm in a hurry too. I just thought I'd say hi to you. (chuckles)

Hi.

(Song fades)

Hamilton, I'll take over the fryer for a while.

Those boys at IBM ordered a whole stack of those Catch of the Day boxes.

I told them that you would personally deliver them within the hour.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hamilton, come over here.

What are you doing?

(Scoffs) I'm changing.

But you took off your Captain Hook uniform.

Well, I thought I'd put my street clothes on for the drive over to IBM.

The uniform's kind of uncomfortable.

Hamilton, you're going over there

as a representative of Captain Hook Fish and Chips.

Part of our image, part of our appeal, is that uniform.

You know that.

You really want me to put this stuff back on?

Yes, I do. Show a little pride.

(Scoffs) Aye, aye, sir.

♪ ("Waffle Stomp" playing) ♪

♪ Talk on the phone Call up the coast ♪

♪ Call it collect Dial direct ♪

♪ Reverse the charges If they accept they're home ♪

♪ Or you can go overseas Speak Japanese ♪

♪ Buy a new Sony They make great TV's ♪

♪ Do the Watusi ♪ Watch I Love Lucy, too

(Revs engine)

♪ But don't let nobody ♪

♪ Tell you that there's nothing to do ♪

♪ Well, well, well, well Don't let nobody ♪

♪ Tell you that there's nothing to do ♪

Dina, what ̶̶ Can you ̶̶ can you honestly tell me that you forgot?

Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?

That's kids' stuff.

Kids' stuff? How about the tunes?

♪ I want you to want me ♪

♪ The dream police ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ Your momma's all right ♪

♪ Your daddy's all right ♪

♪ They just seem a little bit weird Surrender ♪

(Stacy) Mike? Mike?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Well, now, Stacy, I ̶̶ I'm doing business.

Call me tonight, all right?

No. I ̶̶ I gotta talk to you now. Okay?

Don't go away.

"Lookout." (chuckles)

I hope this is important, you know, because I could be blowing a big deal.

Mike, I just ̶̶

I just want you to know that I'm pregnant.

(Scoffs)

How do you know it's mine? I mean, we only did it once.

I haven't been with anybody else. I know it's yours.

Jesus.

I mean, it was your idea. You wanted to do it. I ̶̶

You wanted it more than I did.

No. Take that back.

All right. All right. I take it back.

(Sighs)

Look, we gotta do something about it. I mean, uh, we gotta get an abortion.

My brother Art got his girlfriend one once.

It's simple. I mean, it's no big deal.

Yeah. I ̶̶ I got that planned.

Um, it's gonna cost $150 at the free clinic.

Doesn't sound free to me.

(Chuckles)

I suppose you want me to pay for it.

Half, okay?

And a ride to the clinic?

Seventy-five dollars and a ride.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Thanks.

Thank you.

(Sighs)

(Mike) Hey, Rick. Listen, I need that $50 you owe me.

Don't have it.

Yeah, I ̶̶ I know times are tight, man. But I really need it.

- I don't have it right now. - Hey, come on.

When you needed the tickets, I got 'em for you, right?

So close to the stage you probably scared the band.

I'm not the Bank of America.

I know you're not the Bank of America, man, but I need my $50.

- How about Thursday? - Thursday's too late.

I need it tonight.

Can't give you what I don't have.

All right, look, just forget about it, all right?

All right. For ̶̶ I'll get it from you Thursday, okay?

All right. See you.

♪ ("Sleeping Angel" playing) ♪

(Sighs)

♪ Flowers ♪

♪ And the vine ♪

Shit.

♪ Take me ♪

♪ Sleeping angel ♪

♪ Catch me when you can ♪

♪ Real love affairs ♪

♪ Are heavy spells for a woman ♪

♪ And a man ♪

Is Mike there? This is Stacy.

(Woman) Uh, hold on, please.

Uh, Stacy, he says he's helping his father out in the garage.

- He'll call you later. - (Engine starts)

Brad!

Brad, wait a second.

(Stacy) Yeah, this is it. We're just going bowling.

- Okay. - Thanks a lot.

- See you later. - Okay.

- (Honks horn) - (Car departs)

How we doing in here? Debbie, you ready to leave?

Yes. Thank you.

Stacy. I can't let you go unless you have a ride home.

Oh, I told my boyfriend to meet me downstairs.

Okay.

Thanks.

Brad.

Since when do you go bowling anyway?

Okay, Brad, please don't tell Mom and Dad.

Come on.

Who did it?

- You're not gonna tell me, are you? - No.

Okay. It'll just be your secret.

Yeah.

- You all right? - Yeah.

Come on.

- You hungry? - Yeah.

I told you to tell Mike to pay for it. Why didn't you tell him?

Linda, he didn't show up.

That little prick!

I called his house,

and his mother told me that he was in the garage, helping his father.

Well, Mike Damone's a no-brain little prick, Stacy.

I'm not gonna let him get away with this.

(Sighs) Linda, please don't do anything.

I don't even like the guy.

Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick.

♪ ("Speeding" plays) ♪

♪ I can't explain the way I feel ♪

Shit. Shit.

♪ Each time I get behind the wheel ♪

♪ A rush of blood comes after power surges ♪

♪ And my right foot urge is about to burst ♪

Hi, Mikey. Ooh.

Hi, Damone. (chuckles)

(Song fades)

Damone, what went on between you and Stacy?

Let me tell you something, Rat. I mean, sometimes girls just go haywire.

I mean, it happened a month ago.

I've been trying to think of a way to tell you ever since.

We were out... messing around, and something happened.

But it's over.

I mean, it's no big deal. I never even called her again.

If you ask me, Rat, she's a very aggressive girl.

You understand what I'm saying?

No, I don't understand.

She never really was your girlfriend, Rat.

Hey, fuck you, Damone.

There are a lot of girls out there. And you have to mess around with Stacy?

I mean, what do you got to prove, anyway?

I'm sorry.

Look, I always stick up for you.

Whenever people say, "Ah, that Damone, he's a loudmouth" ̶̶

and they say that a lot ̶̶

I always say, "Hey, you just don't know Damone."

When they call you an idiot,

I say, "Hey, Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him."

Well, you know something, man? Maybe they do know you pretty good.

Maybe I'm just finding out now.

Get lost.

You wanna do something about it, Rat?

Come on. You wanna do something about it? Come on.

- Come on, you little wuss! - Okay, let's go, man.

- I'll break your fucking head open. - (Mark) I'm ready. Do something.

- Keep talking, man. Keep talking! - Hey, knock this crap off!

Take it somewhere else.

Not in my gym, buddy.

(Sighs)

Woke up in a great mood, and I don't know what the hell happened.

Come on, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.

All right, now, today we're going to explore

how this hospital preserves human life.

We'll be visiting every floor, every level,

where these fine doctors and nurses take care of us in life and in death.

(Babies wailing)

Over 30 children are delivered here each day.

(Woman on PA) Dr. Kramer to the nurses' station.

- Good morning, Doctor. - Hi.

Class, this is Dr. Miller.

He'll be joining us for the last part of our tour today.

Hi. If you guys will follow me, please.

I'd like to ask you one last time...

conduct yourselves with the utmost maturity.

Hey, you in my class?

I am today.

(Mr.Vargas) Yes, Greg?

Who are these guys?

Most of them are derelicts, Greg.

They sold their bodies to medicine for money.

About, uh, $30, I think?

Twenty-five.

Righteous bucks!

This gentleman is named Arthur.

(Mr.Vargas) Arthur was good enough to die last week of heart failure,

and we are fortunate enough today to view his body

in its pristine state.

Now, here an incision has been made.

The ribs have been sawed off,

allowing us to remove the breastplate

and really observe the human organs as they exist in their natural state.

Here, we have the human lungs.

And here, is the human heart which, you can see,

is actually located in the center of your chest.

(Students Gasping)

Oh! Gnarly!

(Retching)

(Coughing)

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I just made a jerk out of myself, that's all.

No, c'mon, no you didn't.

Can't go back in there.

Sure. Sure.

We'll wait until they come out, and then we'll blend in.

Uh, here they come.

You're so nice.

♪ ("I Don't Know" playing) ♪

♪ I don't know, I don't know which way I should go ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

Oh, you should be coming on pretty soon, dude. How much did you smoke?

This'll be a little demonstration of that.

Listen, listen up.

What was that?

That was my skull.

I'm so wasted!

Oh, man! What is this stuff?

(Indistinct)

Doesn't that stuff cause brain damage?

Only if you take it every day for a month.

Bitching! Huh huh!

Dude, I'll pick you up in the van and go to the dance.

Later.

Jeff, you have company.

Get out of here, Curtis. I don't hear you unless you knock.

(Knocking at door)

That's better. Entrez.

Mr. Hand!

Well, uh, were you, uh, were you going somewhere tonight, Jeff?

Yeah! The graduation dance.

It's the last school fiesta of the year.

Well, I'm afraid we've got some business to discuss here, Jeff.

Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand?

According to my calculations, uh, Mr. Spicoli, uh,

you wasted a total of, uh,

eight hours of my time this year.

And rest assured, that is a kind estimate.

Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account.

Tonight you and I are going to talk in great detail

about the Davis Agreement,

all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular.

If you can turn to page 47 of, uh, Land of Truth and Liberty.

Oh, I left that book in my locker, Mr. Hand.

In that case, I'm glad I remembered to bring an extra copy...

just for you.

♪ ("Life in the Fast Lane" playing) ♪

♪ He was a hardheaded man He was brutally handsome ♪

♪ And she was terminally pretty ♪

♪ She held him up and he held her for ransom ♪

♪ In the heart of the cold, cold city ♪

(Damone) Look, Mark, uh,

I want to apologize for everything that's happened.

I'm really sorry.

A guy just doesn't do that to a buddy.

Look, I understand. You can't help it.

You're just lewd, crude and obnoxious.

I can deal with that.

Excuse me.

Listen... are we still friends?

- Huh? - Okay.

Well, all right.

(Spicoli) What Jefferson was saying was, "Hey!

"We left this England place 'cause it was bogus.

"So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto,

we'll just be bogus, too." Yay?

Very close, Jeff.

Well, I think I've made my point with you tonight.

Mr. Hand...

do you have a guy like me in class every year?

You know, a guy who you make an example of?

You'll find out next year.

No way!

As soon as I cruise history,

I'm not coming near your side of the building.

"Cruise history"?

Soon as I pass your class.

If you pass.

Aw! You're gonna flunk me?

Don't worry, Spicoli. You'll probably squeak by.

Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Aloha, Spicoli.

Ah, honey, these are my two star students.

Boys, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Vargas.

Hi.

♪ (Snappy music playing) ♪

(Chattering)

(Spicoli) Summer! Yeah!

(Whooping) Totally!

(Linda) I wrote him a letter.

Tell me what you think. "Dear Doug,

"I received your message that you weren't coming to my graduation.

"Doug, this is not the kind of thing that occurs between adults.

"Maybe you've found someone new, someone more mature.

"But if you ask me, Doug, you're the one being childish.

"Anyhow, if you think I'm gonna sit around and wait for you, you can forget it.

"Sincerely, Linda."

- What do you think? - Uh...

I have another version where I call him an asshole.

No, that one's better. It's more...

- Mature? - Yeah.

- I don't have to sink to his level. - Yeah.

I can go out with anyone I want, practically.

That's right.

Yeah. Thanks for cheering me up.

Come on.

♪ ("Wooly Bully" playing") ♪

Oh, hey, dude!

I know that song.

(Spicoli whooping)

Hey, I'm not. I'm not!

♪ Mattie told Hattie ♪

♪ About the things you do ♪

Hey, come on down from there.

♪ To wooly bully you ♪

♪ Wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully Wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully ♪

(Crowd cheering)

(Stacy) Linda, I finally figured it out.

I don't want sex. Anyone can have sex.

Yeah, Stacy, what do you want?

I want a relationship.

I want romance.

You want romance?

In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, and you want romance.

Another summer at Perry's. I can't. I swear.

C'mon, it's not that bad. Keep your eyes open.

There's lots of men around here.

♪ ("So Much in Love playing) ♪

♪ As we strolled by the sea ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Under stars twinkling high above ♪

♪ So in love are we two ♪

♪ No one else but me and you ♪

♪ So in love ♪

♪ Two so in love ♪

♪ So much in love ♪

♪ Two so in love ♪

♪ So in love ♪

♪ Two so in love ♪

♪ Are you and I ♪

♪ Two, you and I ♪

♪ So in love ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doing? - Fine.

I'm glad you came over

'cause I have this picture of me that I wanted to give to you

so that you'll remember to call me over the summer.

Well, I don't know. I'm going to be traveling a lot this summer

and I'm not sure...

I'll-I'll give you a call sometime.

- That'd be great. - (Linda) Stacy!

You worked at All American Burger.

Seven months ago.

(Chuckling)

I knew it.

Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?

What for?

You need money.

All I need are some tasty waves,

cool buzz and I'm fine.

Thanks. Can I use your bathroom?

Yeah, go ahead.

It's the first door on the left.

Like up this ramp?

First door on the left.

Money, and I want it now. Now!

- Okay. Okay. - Now!

What are you doing?

The safe! Behind the donuts!

I've been watching this place. I know what I'm doing.

- Open it up. Open it up! - Okay.

Come on! Come on!

I just started here, uh, they just taught me the procedure and I...

Let me figure it out.

Come on, shit head! Let's go!

Get off my case, motherfucker!

Hey, no towels, man.

(Screaming)

I got you, you son of a bitch.

Oh, motherfucker!

There goes your ride home.

Awesome! Totally awesome!

(Screaming)

All right, Hamilton.

♪ ("Goodbye, Goodbye" playing) ♪

♪ Oh, I know something ♪

♪ About the ways of loving ♪

♪ But I could tell you, baby ♪

♪ That something's wrong ♪

♪ Look to the sky above and the mud below ♪

♪ Something's driving me crazy ♪

♪ Got to got to get away ♪

♪ Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Without a doubt ♪

♪ I'm telling you I'm burned out ♪

♪ My tank is running on empty ♪

♪ For far too long I need fuel ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm getting so low ♪

♪ Nothing can you give me ♪

♪ Makes me feel ♪

♪ So bad ♪

♪ Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ I need fuel ♪

♪ Not the kind you give me ♪

♪ Makes me feel so bad ♪

♪ Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ I'm still around ♪

♪ Still around ♪

♪ It's getting kind of late ♪

♪ I'm gonna leave ♪

♪ Gonna leave ♪

♪ For a change of scenery ♪

♪ I'm going crazy ♪

♪ Going crazy ♪

♪ It's not the same ♪

♪ Since you've been around ♪

♪ I'm crazy ♪

♪ So crazy ♪

♪ You treat me like a dirty clown ♪

♪ You're always kicking my dog around ♪

♪ I never get nothing but constant abuse from you ♪

♪ You couldn't care less what I think or my point of view ♪

♪ You're always putting the make on my friends, giving them eyes ♪

♪ The dirty lies about me I'm through, it's the end of the line ♪

♪ Here's a ticket one-way Cincinnati ♪

♪ I'm sending you home to your ma ♪

♪ And your daddy, so don't try to call me you'll only be wasting your time ♪

♪ Oh, I know something ♪

♪ About the ways of loving ♪

♪ And I tell you baby ♪

♪ That something's wrong ♪

♪ Look to the sky above and the mud below ♪

♪ Something drives me crazy ♪

♪ Got to got to get away ♪

♪ I need you but ♪

♪ Not your time Look at me ♪

♪ Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪