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ROBIN:
Kids, have I ever told you
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00:00:03,313 --> 00:00:05,596
the story
of how I met your father?
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00:00:05,598 --> 00:00:06,897
Well, I'll just skip ahead
4
00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:09,433
to the moment I told him
I was pregnant.
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00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:13,187
W... What happened?
6
00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:14,488
Did I pass out?
7
00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:16,274
Not exactly.
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00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:18,409
I'm pregnant.
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00:00:21,663 --> 00:00:24,448
Are you sure you're not
just getting fat?
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00:00:26,451 --> 00:00:28,919
Oh, yeah.
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00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:31,339
So, um, you're pregnant.
12
00:00:31,341 --> 00:00:32,373
Yeah.
13
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:34,175
Huh.
14
00:00:34,177 --> 00:00:36,544
Looks like nobody told
your boobs.
15
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,332
What happened?
16
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:42,633
Did I pass out?
17
00:00:42,635 --> 00:00:43,384
Oh, my...
18
00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:44,501
Please stop hitting me!
19
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,771
Hey.
20
00:00:46,773 --> 00:00:51,058
Are... Are you sure you're...
21
00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:52,977
Well, no, not positive.
22
00:00:52,979 --> 00:00:54,395
I'm a week late.
23
00:00:54,397 --> 00:00:56,614
But I'm never late;
it's a point of pride with me.
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00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:57,681
I'm going to go
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00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,867
see the doctor on Monday
to find out for sure.
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00:00:59,869 --> 00:01:03,070
Until then, not a word
of this to anyone.
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00:01:03,072 --> 00:01:04,288
Not even Kevin?
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00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,958
I mean, it's probably his.
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00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,827
I've spent years
training my boys
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00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:11,212
to swim the other way.
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00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,164
Kevin and I haven't had sex yet.
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00:01:14,066 --> 00:01:16,533
If I'm pregnant, you're the dad.
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00:01:18,387 --> 00:01:20,537
That's wonderful!
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00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,722
Huh?
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00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:23,674
I'm gonna be a daddy!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x12 ♪
Symphony of Illumination
Original Air Date on December 21, 2011
37
00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:33,850
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38
00:01:41,485 --> 00:01:43,912
Okay, one scotch for me,
39
00:01:43,913 --> 00:01:45,596
one iced tea on the rocks glass
for Mommy.
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00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:46,547
(whispers):
Stop it.
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00:01:46,549 --> 00:01:47,548
Sorry, sorry.
42
00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:48,599
Keeping it secret.
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00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:49,750
(sighs)
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00:01:49,752 --> 00:01:52,253
Oop, I think I gave you
the wrong one.
45
00:01:52,255 --> 00:01:53,437
Here, let me just...
46
00:01:53,439 --> 00:01:55,389
Give it to me.
Drop... let go.
47
00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:58,726
Take it away from you.
48
00:01:59,611 --> 00:02:01,946
Barney, why are you
so happy about this?
49
00:02:01,948 --> 00:02:02,947
Because this is perfect.
50
00:02:02,949 --> 00:02:04,315
I want to be a dad.
51
00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:05,950
This is not good news.
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00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:07,235
I have a boyfriend.
53
00:02:07,237 --> 00:02:09,153
Yeah, but if Kevin
weren't around...
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00:02:09,155 --> 00:02:10,121
It doesn't matter!
55
00:02:10,123 --> 00:02:12,323
I don't want kids.
56
00:02:12,325 --> 00:02:13,541
I've never wanted kids,
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00:02:13,543 --> 00:02:17,378
and never, in a million years,
will I ever want kids.
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00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:20,047
ROBIN:
Sorry, kids.
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00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:22,383
I can't have a baby.
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00:02:22,385 --> 00:02:23,467
MARSHALL:
Hey, guys!
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00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:27,054
Guess what this is!
62
00:02:27,056 --> 00:02:29,290
One of your socks?
Boom! You're huge.
63
00:02:29,292 --> 00:02:32,459
No, it's our unborn son's
Christmas stocking.
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00:02:32,461 --> 00:02:34,011
Grandma Gunderson
started knitting it
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00:02:34,013 --> 00:02:36,397
the day Lily and I got married.
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00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:40,401
She died before
she could finish.
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00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:41,435
I miss stockings.
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00:02:41,437 --> 00:02:43,404
My stepdad Clint
made us get rid of anything
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00:02:43,406 --> 00:02:46,140
that reminds him of the
commercialization of Christmas.
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00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:48,492
I thought you said he
dresses up as Santa.
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00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:51,195
Yeah, but, uh,
to protest gender stereotypes,
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00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:52,580
he plays Santa as a woman.
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00:02:52,582 --> 00:02:54,198
Though, he keeps the beard.
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00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,535
The result is disturbing.
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00:02:57,537 --> 00:02:58,836
Well, we should go.
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00:02:58,838 --> 00:03:00,788
We have to get
to We B Babies
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00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:03,040
so that we can register
for our shower.
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00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,325
No can do.
79
00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:08,429
Um, I have a big project
that I'm working on.
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00:03:08,431 --> 00:03:12,383
This is Richard Holdman's house
in East Meadow.
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00:03:12,385 --> 00:03:15,636
Last year, he had the
most visited Christmas display
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00:03:15,638 --> 00:03:16,887
in the tri-state area.
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00:03:16,889 --> 00:03:18,773
But not this year.
You know why?
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00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,508
Because Big Fudge
has come to town,
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00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:23,527
and he brought his two friends:
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00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:26,013
Mannim... Steamroller.
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00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:27,014
Game on.
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00:03:27,016 --> 00:03:28,182
(gags)
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00:03:28,184 --> 00:03:29,033
Are you okay?
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00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:30,184
Yeah.
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00:03:30,186 --> 00:03:32,453
Uh, it's just, um...
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00:03:32,455 --> 00:03:34,572
I hate Mannheim
Steamroller.
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00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:36,324
Isn't there anyone
else you can use?
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00:03:36,326 --> 00:03:39,477
Come on! Who am I gonna use
if not the Steamroller?!
95
00:03:39,479 --> 00:03:41,495
I don't know. AC/DC?
96
00:03:41,497 --> 00:03:43,347
AC/DC?
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00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,499
Robin, do you have any idea
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00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,135
why they call them
Mannheim Steamroller?
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00:03:48,137 --> 00:03:52,390
Because they rock... so hard,
so festively,
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00:03:52,392 --> 00:03:56,761
that steam comes out
of your brain.
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00:03:56,763 --> 00:03:58,479
As it melts.
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00:03:58,481 --> 00:04:01,215
So I have to go to
We B Babies by myself?
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00:04:01,217 --> 00:04:03,050
Robin and I will
go with you.
104
00:04:05,387 --> 00:04:07,738
Barney, what are
we doing here?
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00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,890
I want to show you
that having a kid
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00:04:09,892 --> 00:04:11,442
is nothing to be afraid of.
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00:04:11,444 --> 00:04:12,910
(kids laughing, crash)
108
00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:15,413
Kids. Stop.
109
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,750
Okay, first
on the registry:
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00:04:19,752 --> 00:04:20,785
nipple butter.
111
00:04:20,787 --> 00:04:21,735
Uh-oh.
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00:04:21,737 --> 00:04:22,870
As you breast-feed,
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00:04:22,872 --> 00:04:24,738
your nipples stretch out,
like, four inches
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00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:26,290
and get all dry and cracked.
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00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:28,092
The nipple butter
stops the bleeding.
116
00:04:29,928 --> 00:04:33,097
My four-inch nipples are
going to crack and bleed?!
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00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:36,884
Yes, but while the baby is
gnawing on your bleeding nips,
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00:04:36,886 --> 00:04:39,753
look what she'll be wearing.
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00:04:44,142 --> 00:04:47,094
Insane Duane?
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00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,531
Barney?
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00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:53,284
ROBIN: Insane Duane was your father'sbest friend,
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00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:56,537
back in the days beforehe met me or your Uncle Ted.
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00:04:58,407 --> 00:04:59,907
We're going back to her place.
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00:04:59,909 --> 00:05:00,908
Boom!
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00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,410
All right, you win!
126
00:05:02,412 --> 00:05:04,778
Here's 20 for picking up a girl
with only one word.
127
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,780
And here's another 20
for that word being "boner."
128
00:05:06,782 --> 00:05:08,416
Thank you.
129
00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:13,120
I'll meet you back here in an
hour when I'm done with, uh...
130
00:05:14,122 --> 00:05:15,556
Ah, who cares what her name is;
she won't be
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00:05:15,558 --> 00:05:16,640
around long enough
for it to matter.
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00:05:16,642 --> 00:05:17,758
(both laugh)
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00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,009
Nice!
134
00:05:21,813 --> 00:05:24,849
Shh...
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00:05:24,851 --> 00:05:26,684
I can't believe
I haven't seen you around.
136
00:05:26,686 --> 00:05:29,603
Well, after Sheila and I
had that quickie,
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00:05:29,605 --> 00:05:34,241
my life's been playdates,
preschools and poops.
138
00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:36,160
I haven't set foot
in a bar in years.
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00:05:36,162 --> 00:05:37,828
You stopped drinking?
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00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:40,781
Oh, I still drink.
141
00:05:42,284 --> 00:05:44,168
Vaginal
numbing spray.
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00:05:44,170 --> 00:05:45,753
Apparently, after child birth,
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00:05:45,755 --> 00:05:48,372
your hoo-ha looks like
Rocky Balboa's face.
144
00:05:48,374 --> 00:05:51,425
- You can't have a baby!
- I can't have a baby!
145
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,995
The next day,we went to the doctor.
146
00:05:54,997 --> 00:05:56,347
(Russian accent):
Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky,
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00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:58,332
I'm sure that you
and your husband...
148
00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,767
Uh, he's not my husband.
149
00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:00,718
Oh, I'm so sorry.
150
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:01,835
Your boyfriend then.
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00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:02,803
He's not my boyfriend.
152
00:06:02,805 --> 00:06:03,971
Oh, bozhe.
153
00:06:03,973 --> 00:06:05,973
All right, well,
I will just cut to the chase.
154
00:06:05,975 --> 00:06:07,024
Wait! Wait.
155
00:06:07,026 --> 00:06:09,676
All right.
156
00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:11,111
Okay.
157
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,279
All right, we're ready. Good.
158
00:06:12,281 --> 00:06:14,615
Um, you: not pregnant.
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00:06:14,617 --> 00:06:16,183
Yeah!
(dance music playing)
160
00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:17,568
- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah!
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00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:19,520
That's what I'm
talking about!
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00:06:19,522 --> 00:06:22,873
(Robin and Barney
grunting rhythmically)
163
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,708
Yeah, you know,
you know!
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00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:27,194
Again, sorry kids.
165
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,030
Hey, mister.
166
00:06:30,032 --> 00:06:32,082
Are you putting up
all these Christmas lights?
167
00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:34,368
Oh, kid, by the time I'm done,
168
00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,338
you're gonna be able to see this
son of a bitch from outer space.
169
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:39,256
Ah, cool.
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00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,342
I wanted to put lights
on our house,
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00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:44,595
but my dad says he's too busy
with work and stuff.
172
00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:50,818
Hey, what do you say, uh,
you come back here next weekend
173
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,186
and help me out?
174
00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:53,237
Yeah!
175
00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:55,055
You've got yourself a deal.
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00:06:55,057 --> 00:06:56,390
I'm Scott.
177
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:59,726
I'm... Mr. Eriksen.
178
00:06:59,728 --> 00:07:01,111
Thanks, Mr. E.
179
00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,783
Mr. E.
180
00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:08,085
Looks like some little scamp
just earned the right
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00:07:08,087 --> 00:07:10,120
to put the Vikings helmet
on baby Jesus.
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00:07:12,173 --> 00:07:15,175
Later that week,as I was enjoying every second
183
00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,677
of not being pregnant...
184
00:07:16,679 --> 00:07:18,245
ANNOUNCER:
Next on Teenage Mommies...
185
00:07:18,247 --> 00:07:20,514
GIRL: But you said
you would watch Bella.
186
00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:22,383
I have cheerleading practice.
187
00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:23,750
(laughs)
188
00:07:23,752 --> 00:07:25,619
Sucks to be you, Braces.
189
00:07:25,621 --> 00:07:26,604
(cell phone ringing)
190
00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:28,973
Oh. Um...
191
00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,608
Yello!
192
00:07:32,394 --> 00:07:35,062
Uh, yeah, I can come back in.
193
00:07:35,064 --> 00:07:38,365
Robin, we ran some
tests last week.
194
00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:42,570
This is going to be
difficult to hear.
195
00:07:42,572 --> 00:07:46,373
And then the doctor said abunch of medical stuff that...
196
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:49,293
well, the gist of it was this.
197
00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:51,462
I can't have a baby.
198
00:07:56,317 --> 00:07:58,651
No. You can't have a baby.
199
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,457
Uh, great.
200
00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:07,279
Uh, well, I mean,
um, not-not great.
201
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,363
I mean, I've never wanted kids,
202
00:08:08,365 --> 00:08:10,482
so if it has to happen
to someone...
203
00:08:10,484 --> 00:08:14,236
Robin, is there anyone
you can talk to about this?
204
00:08:14,238 --> 00:08:15,871
Perhaps a close friend?
205
00:08:15,873 --> 00:08:18,206
ROBIN: I knew I could havetalked to my friends.
206
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:20,041
But, it's just, I already knew
207
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:22,127
exactly howthey would all react.
208
00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:25,163
Ted would go into overdrivetrying to make me feel better.
209
00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:26,548
You need comfort food.
210
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,900
Fried chicken, mac and cheese,
mashed potatoes.
211
00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:30,752
Open your present,
I'll work on these shoulders.
212
00:08:30,754 --> 00:08:33,121
Okay, just breathe,
relax, eat your chicken.
213
00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:34,840
Come on,
eat, breathe,
214
00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:37,058
open it, breathe,
open it, eat.
215
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:38,626
Robin, why are you so tense?!
216
00:08:38,628 --> 00:08:39,561
(groans)
217
00:08:39,563 --> 00:08:41,563
Lily would just implode.
218
00:08:41,565 --> 00:08:45,800
And here I've been going
on and on about babies.
219
00:08:45,802 --> 00:08:50,071
(sobbing):
Oh, I am such a bad friend!
220
00:08:51,741 --> 00:08:53,775
And I'd wind up comforting her.
221
00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:54,743
It's okay.
222
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:57,645
You have to punch
me in the face!
223
00:08:57,647 --> 00:08:59,948
Marshall would ask mea ton of questions
224
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,499
I don't know the answers to.
225
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,652
- Have you thought about adoption?
- Um, well...
226
00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,337
Does this kind of thing
run in your family?
227
00:09:05,339 --> 00:09:06,171
Uh...
228
00:09:06,173 --> 00:09:07,205
What was the date, duration
229
00:09:07,207 --> 00:09:10,008
and consistency
of your last period?
230
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,627
And your father wouldbend over backwards
231
00:09:12,629 --> 00:09:14,095
trying to make me laugh.
232
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:16,497
A priest and a rabbi
walk into a bar--
233
00:09:16,499 --> 00:09:18,850
no, a barbershop--
no, a post office--
234
00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:21,386
no, it's two priests--
no, it's two ducks--
235
00:09:21,388 --> 00:09:23,671
no, a priest holding a duck--
and he's Polish.
236
00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:24,973
The priest, not the duck.
237
00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:26,641
Actually, the duck
could be Polish, too.
238
00:09:26,643 --> 00:09:27,859
Doesn't matter.
239
00:09:27,861 --> 00:09:29,694
Yes it does.
The duck's not Polish.
240
00:09:29,696 --> 00:09:30,779
And when that didn't work,
241
00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:32,948
he would actuallybend over backwards.
242
00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:34,583
Pratfall!
(grunts)
243
00:09:34,585 --> 00:09:36,134
Ow!
244
00:09:36,136 --> 00:09:39,520
The bottom line is, I didn'tfeel like talking about it.
245
00:09:39,522 --> 00:09:41,656
So when Ted asked...
246
00:09:41,658 --> 00:09:43,575
Hey, Robin, you okay?
You look upset.
247
00:09:43,577 --> 00:09:46,962
I just came up with the firstlie that popped into my head.
248
00:09:46,964 --> 00:09:48,997
Yeah. Uh...
249
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:51,633
I just found out I can never...
250
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:55,253
be a pole-vaulter
for the Canadian Olympic team.
251
00:09:55,255 --> 00:09:57,389
I'm too tall or something.
252
00:09:57,391 --> 00:09:58,556
Robin, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Robin.
253
00:09:58,558 --> 00:09:59,591
I had no idea.
That's terrible.
254
00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:01,509
Can we get some fried chicken
over here, stat!
255
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:04,596
I am such a
bad friend!
256
00:10:04,598 --> 00:10:06,514
Three slutty nuns
show up at St. Peter's--
257
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:07,816
Wait, wait, they're not slutty.
258
00:10:07,818 --> 00:10:09,567
Well, they are, but you're not
supposed to know that yet.
259
00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:10,718
(cell phone ringing)
Um...
260
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,053
Hey, baby, what's up?
261
00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:14,389
Hey, uh, listen,
the construction of
262
00:10:14,391 --> 00:10:16,024
the Symphony of Illumination
is taking
263
00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,242
a little longer than I thought.
264
00:10:17,244 --> 00:10:19,277
Good thing I have
Scott here to help me.
265
00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:20,412
Right, Scott?
266
00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:22,080
You betcha, Mr. E!
267
00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:22,914
Bad news.
268
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:23,949
Robin's too tall
269
00:10:23,951 --> 00:10:25,733
to be an Olympic
pole-vaulter.
270
00:10:25,735 --> 00:10:27,369
Has she filed an appeal
with the IOC?
271
00:10:27,371 --> 00:10:28,837
Have you filed
an appeal with the IOC?
272
00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:30,789
Can she make herself shorter
by slouching?
273
00:10:30,791 --> 00:10:32,173
Can you make yourself
shorter by slouching?
274
00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:33,458
Has she considered
going back to school
275
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,709
and competing at
the collegiate level?
276
00:10:34,711 --> 00:10:36,594
Have you considered
going back to school and...
277
00:10:36,596 --> 00:10:38,046
I don't want to talk about it.
278
00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,965
Sorry.
279
00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,800
I love you, baby.
See you tomorrow.
280
00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:43,301
Okay, I love you, too.
281
00:10:43,303 --> 00:10:46,254
(grunts)
282
00:10:46,256 --> 00:10:47,272
Scott?
283
00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:48,640
Scott, I dropped my phone.
284
00:10:48,642 --> 00:10:50,108
Yep, found it.
285
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,393
Could you bring it up here?
286
00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:52,694
You got it.
287
00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:55,196
Hey, while I'm at it,
can I get you a beer?
288
00:10:55,198 --> 00:10:58,616
He wants to bring
the old man a beer.
289
00:10:58,618 --> 00:10:59,734
Yeah, sure.
290
00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:01,486
Uh, there's a whole case
in the fridge.
291
00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:02,654
Thanks, son.
292
00:11:02,656 --> 00:11:05,540
Do you, do you mind
if I call you "son"?
293
00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:07,659
You can call me
whatever you want...
294
00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:09,461
jackass.
295
00:11:13,132 --> 00:11:14,449
Scott?
296
00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,917
The ladder fell.
297
00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:19,120
Scott?
298
00:11:19,122 --> 00:11:21,289
(hip-hop music playing)
299
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,477
♪ ♪
300
00:11:33,686 --> 00:11:35,303
Scott!
301
00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:38,123
What are we doing?
302
00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:42,477
Listen, um,
303
00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:44,129
I know things have been
kind of weird
304
00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:45,947
between you and me
these past couple weeks,
305
00:11:45,949 --> 00:11:47,332
so I just want to say I'm...
306
00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:48,917
I'm glad we're back
to where we started.
307
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,651
- Yeah.
- Friends with benefits.
308
00:11:50,653 --> 00:11:51,953
- No.
- Just like always.
309
00:11:51,955 --> 00:11:53,288
Never been that.
Just friends.
310
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,173
With benefits.
We'll talk about it later.
311
00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:58,209
Look at all
these babies.
312
00:11:58,211 --> 00:12:00,211
Isn't it crazy how,
now that we're not having one,
313
00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:01,679
babies are cute again?
314
00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:04,049
(laughs)
Look at that one.
315
00:12:04,051 --> 00:12:05,083
I'm good.
316
00:12:05,085 --> 00:12:06,834
No, I'm serious.
Look, look.
317
00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,436
ROBIN (gasps):
Damn it.
318
00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,638
That thing's cute as crap.
319
00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:13,808
Screw you, baby.
320
00:12:15,528 --> 00:12:17,312
MARSHALL:
Scott?
321
00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:18,513
Scott!
322
00:12:18,515 --> 00:12:20,532
What is going on?
323
00:12:20,534 --> 00:12:22,233
Hey, Mr. E.
Scott...
324
00:12:22,235 --> 00:12:24,986
if you do not let me down,
I am going to scream
325
00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:26,871
my head off until someone
comes to help me,
326
00:12:26,873 --> 00:12:30,208
and then you're going to have to
explain all of this to the cops.
327
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:31,859
And then you'll have to explain
why there's
328
00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:34,329
a picture of my ding-dong
on your phone.
329
00:12:34,331 --> 00:12:35,830
There is no picture of your...
330
00:12:35,832 --> 00:12:38,216
There is now.
(camera clicks)
331
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:40,218
Oh, yeah, that's a beauty.
332
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:41,419
Scott?
333
00:12:41,421 --> 00:12:43,204
Scott!
334
00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,057
(hushed):
Scott!
335
00:12:46,059 --> 00:12:47,559
Marshall keeps
336
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:50,562
asking me to text him
pictures of my boobies.
337
00:12:50,564 --> 00:12:52,347
After all these years,
338
00:12:52,349 --> 00:12:55,233
he sometimes still acts
like a teenager.
339
00:12:55,235 --> 00:12:56,734
I'll be right back.
340
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:04,826
Insane Duane.
341
00:13:04,828 --> 00:13:07,996
It's Sane Duane now.
342
00:13:07,998 --> 00:13:10,365
You used to be
magnificent.
343
00:13:18,457 --> 00:13:20,542
Are you okay?
344
00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:24,429
Yeah, yeah, um,
I guess this, um,
345
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:28,099
this pole-vaulting thing
is finally hitting me.
346
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,184
I don't get it, Robin.
347
00:13:29,186 --> 00:13:31,886
Did you really want
to be a pole-vaulter?
348
00:13:31,888 --> 00:13:35,590
No, no, I was,
uh, I was always
349
00:13:35,592 --> 00:13:38,026
adamantly against having a...
350
00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:40,311
uh, a pole-vaulting career,
351
00:13:40,313 --> 00:13:42,430
even though it's
what most women want.
352
00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,816
Most women want
to be a pole-vaulter?
353
00:13:44,818 --> 00:13:46,985
In Canada--
it's very big up there.
354
00:13:46,987 --> 00:13:48,653
You know, it's,
it's meet a nice guy,
355
00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:51,456
get married, vault some poles,
356
00:13:51,458 --> 00:13:52,891
but I...
357
00:13:52,893 --> 00:13:55,460
never wanted that.
358
00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:57,778
Of course, it's one thing
not to want something.
359
00:13:57,780 --> 00:14:00,131
It's another to be told
you can't have it.
360
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,218
I guess it's,
it's just nice knowing
361
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:08,306
that you could someday do it
if you changed your mind.
362
00:14:09,742 --> 00:14:13,678
But now, all of a sudden,
that door is closed.
363
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:19,417
What about the one where you ski
and shoot at the same time?
364
00:14:19,419 --> 00:14:21,653
That seems like something
you'd be good at.
365
00:14:23,189 --> 00:14:25,973
Oh, my God, Robin, look at this.
366
00:14:25,975 --> 00:14:27,659
O Cana-dorable!
367
00:14:27,661 --> 00:14:28,660
Am I right?
368
00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,195
Excuse me.
369
00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:33,665
Yep, this works.
370
00:14:37,922 --> 00:14:39,593
Scott, when I get
371
00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:40,893
down from here, you are going
372
00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:43,312
to be in big, big trouble,
mister.
373
00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:44,680
Come on, Mr. E.
374
00:14:44,682 --> 00:14:47,099
Didn't you ever cut loose
when you were a kid?
375
00:14:47,101 --> 00:14:49,518
That's irrelevant.
376
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,937
I mean, of course I did.
377
00:14:51,939 --> 00:14:54,156
One time, when my parents
were out of town,
378
00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:58,244
my brothers and I set
the basement on fire
379
00:14:58,246 --> 00:15:01,447
hosting
an amateur wrestling exhibition.
380
00:15:02,565 --> 00:15:04,917
There were some theatrics.
381
00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:07,286
See, you get me.
382
00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:10,456
I don't think of you as some
dummy I trapped on the roof.
383
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:14,627
I think of you more like,
like my dad.
384
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:20,266
Can we keep the party going
for 30 more minutes, please?
385
00:15:22,886 --> 00:15:24,887
Okay, Scott.
386
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,556
Thanks, Pop.
387
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:33,145
It's fine, kid just needed
to blow off some steam.
388
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:37,032
(cheering)
389
00:15:40,436 --> 00:15:41,453
No!
390
00:15:41,455 --> 00:15:44,623
Grandma Gunderson knitted that!
391
00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:48,244
Scott...!
392
00:15:48,246 --> 00:15:49,628
That was crazy.
393
00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:51,964
She just ran
out of there crying.
394
00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,465
Now she's not
answering her phone.
395
00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:56,418
She's been acting really weird
for a few weeks now,
396
00:15:56,420 --> 00:16:00,422
really since the night
we discussed the hurricane.
397
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:01,790
Barney, you split a cab home.
398
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:03,342
Did she say anything?
399
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,297
We didn't really talk much.
400
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:09,398
TED:
Well, lucky for us,
401
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,318
someone at this table is skilled
402
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,070
in the art of detection.
403
00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:17,489
Robin's upset.
404
00:16:17,491 --> 00:16:20,326
She and Kevin
are having trouble.
405
00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:22,144
- He cheated on her.
LILY: No way.
406
00:16:22,146 --> 00:16:25,831
Kevin's an honest, decent guy
who never on his best day
407
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:27,816
could pull a hotter chick
than Robin.
408
00:16:27,818 --> 00:16:29,668
Maybe Robin cheated on him.
409
00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:33,488
Maybe Robin is the dirty bird
who slept with someone else.
410
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,758
I don't know,
this pole-vaulting thing seems
411
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,659
like a slam dunk to me.
412
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:39,595
Oh, it is so obvious.
413
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:40,930
Barney.
414
00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:43,015
What is the name of that guy
415
00:16:43,017 --> 00:16:44,683
you worked with-- uh, Randy?
416
00:16:44,685 --> 00:16:45,884
It was Randy.
417
00:16:45,886 --> 00:16:46,852
TED:
Wait a second.
418
00:16:46,854 --> 00:16:49,021
I just cracked this case.
419
00:16:49,023 --> 00:16:50,272
(whimpers)
420
00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,673
The little maple leaf onesie.
421
00:16:51,675 --> 00:16:53,609
It made her homesick.
422
00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:54,560
That's why she's so upset.
423
00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:55,644
She's not going home
for Christmas.
424
00:16:55,646 --> 00:16:58,147
She wants me
to invite her to Ohio.
425
00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,015
That's got to be it!
426
00:17:00,017 --> 00:17:02,067
Either that
or she slept with Barney.
427
00:17:02,069 --> 00:17:03,285
(all laugh)
428
00:17:05,538 --> 00:17:08,073
(laughing uproariously)
429
00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:17,800
Oh, you must be Scott.
430
00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:20,219
Oh, hello, ma'am.
431
00:17:20,221 --> 00:17:22,554
It's nice to finally
see your face.
432
00:17:22,556 --> 00:17:25,057
Well, I'd better go
hit those books.
433
00:17:25,059 --> 00:17:28,543
Hold it right there, young man.
434
00:17:29,346 --> 00:17:32,147
This is for helping out
my husband.
435
00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:35,651
Wow, 50 bucks.
436
00:17:35,653 --> 00:17:36,819
Merry Christmas.
437
00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:48,414
Lily!
438
00:17:48,416 --> 00:17:50,616
An airplane ticket
to Cleveland?
439
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,618
I know it's not Canada,
but it starts with a "C"
440
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,037
and it's cold as balls,
so get packed.
441
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:56,755
You're coming home
with me for Christmas.
442
00:17:56,757 --> 00:17:58,507
Yeah, nice try, dude.
443
00:17:58,509 --> 00:17:59,541
I wouldn't go to Cleveland
444
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:03,245
for $125 million
paid over six years.
445
00:18:03,247 --> 00:18:04,263
Still?
446
00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:05,848
Still with the LeBron jokes?
447
00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:07,099
Where's that ring, huh?
448
00:18:07,101 --> 00:18:09,101
Where's that ring
he's supposed to have by now?
449
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:11,753
Look, I just-- I thought
you were bummed
450
00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:13,305
about not going home
for Christmas.
451
00:18:13,307 --> 00:18:14,423
Are you kidding?
452
00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,775
(sighs)
I love New York at Christmas.
453
00:18:16,777 --> 00:18:19,111
It's so quiet and peaceful.
454
00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:22,614
Got my eggnog to keep
me company, so...
455
00:18:22,616 --> 00:18:24,900
Robin, what's wrong?
456
00:18:24,902 --> 00:18:26,952
- Nothing.
- Just tell me.
457
00:18:26,954 --> 00:18:28,570
Why do you need
to know so bad?
458
00:18:28,572 --> 00:18:29,738
So I can cheer you up.
459
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:31,273
It's not your job
to cheer me up.
460
00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:32,241
Yes, it is.
461
00:18:32,243 --> 00:18:34,326
Cheering you up is my job.
462
00:18:34,328 --> 00:18:36,161
Well, then, you're fired.
463
00:18:36,163 --> 00:18:37,162
You can't fire me.
464
00:18:37,164 --> 00:18:38,447
I'm union, bitch.
465
00:18:38,449 --> 00:18:39,915
It's not your job
to cheer me up.
466
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:40,966
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
467
00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:41,884
Yes, it is.
468
00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:43,452
No, it's not.
469
00:18:45,388 --> 00:18:47,789
Merry Christmas, Ted.
470
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:50,843
Merry Christmas.
471
00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:57,766
ROBIN: So, kids, I settled infor a Christmas alone.
472
00:18:57,768 --> 00:19:00,569
I appreciated that Ted wantedto cheer me up,
473
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:03,472
but honestly,it wasn't necessary.
474
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:05,441
So I can't have kids.
475
00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,192
Big deal.
476
00:19:07,194 --> 00:19:09,611
This way there's no oneto hold me back in life,
477
00:19:09,613 --> 00:19:11,246
no one to keep mefrom traveling
478
00:19:11,248 --> 00:19:12,647
where I want to travel,
479
00:19:12,649 --> 00:19:14,500
no one gettingin the way of my career.
480
00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:17,319
If you want to knowthe truth of it,
481
00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:20,155
I'm glad you guys aren't real.
482
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,171
Really glad.
483
00:19:49,652 --> 00:19:51,820
(sighs)
484
00:19:53,206 --> 00:19:55,374
Damn it.
485
00:19:55,376 --> 00:19:56,525
(sighs)
486
00:19:56,527 --> 00:20:00,062
("Highway to Hell" by AC/DC
playing)
487
00:20:08,805 --> 00:20:11,706
Yes, it is.
488
00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:15,928
Look, you don't want to
tell me what's wrong, fine.
489
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,229
I don't need to know.
490
00:20:18,331 --> 00:20:21,049
But you can never stop me
from trying to cheer you up.
491
00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,101
It's a fact of life.
492
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:25,487
You're just gonna
have to deal with it.
493
00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:26,555
Ted...
494
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,440
Hold on, hold on,
this is the best part.
495
00:20:30,293 --> 00:20:34,396
♪ I'm on the highway to hell ♪
496
00:20:34,398 --> 00:20:38,500
♪ On the highway to hell ♪
497
00:20:39,252 --> 00:20:42,955
♪ Highway to hell... ♪
498
00:20:42,957 --> 00:20:46,358
NARRATOR: Kids, your Aunt Robinnever became a pole-vaulter,
499
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,343
but she did becomea famous journalist,
500
00:20:48,345 --> 00:20:51,563
a successful businesswoman,a world traveler.
501
00:20:51,565 --> 00:20:53,182
She was even brieflya bullfighter--
502
00:20:53,184 --> 00:20:55,750
that's a funny story,I'll get to that one later.
503
00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:59,721
But there's one thingyour Aunt Robin never was.
504
00:20:59,723 --> 00:21:00,755
She was never alone.
505
00:21:00,757 --> 00:21:02,808
(sobs)
506
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,810
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
35376
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