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00:00:01,452 --> 00:00:03,402
Kids, for years, your Uncle Barney
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00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,945
had reveled in mocking
Aunt Robin's Canadian heritage.
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00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:08,597
To have to grow up
in Canada...
4
00:00:08,598 --> 00:00:10,614
with America right there.
5
00:00:10,616 --> 00:00:13,034
It's like an entire country
without a tailor.
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00:00:13,036 --> 00:00:16,804
Why? Why do we let
you be a country?!
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00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:21,625
But all that was aboutto change.
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00:00:21,627 --> 00:00:23,127
I was on Facebook.
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00:00:23,129 --> 00:00:25,513
Nobody cool's
on Facebook anymore.
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00:00:25,515 --> 00:00:27,432
Well, you know who is
on Facebook now?
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00:00:27,434 --> 00:00:28,983
Everybody's parents.
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00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:31,469
And I just happen
to be friends
13
00:00:31,471 --> 00:00:33,637
with Barney's long-lost father,
14
00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:35,139
Mr. Jerome Whitaker.
- Me, too.
15
00:00:35,141 --> 00:00:36,774
He's gotten really good
at Bejeweled Blitz.
16
00:00:36,776 --> 00:00:40,828
And guess who thought my status
update about Manitoba was
17
00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:46,033
so interesting because his
mother was born in Manitoba?
18
00:00:46,035 --> 00:00:47,368
What?
19
00:00:47,370 --> 00:00:49,653
Which means your grandmother...
20
00:00:49,655 --> 00:00:50,555
No...
21
00:00:50,557 --> 00:00:51,672
Which makes you...
22
00:00:51,674 --> 00:00:52,874
Don't say it!
23
00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:53,925
...one-quarter Canadian!
24
00:00:56,513 --> 00:00:58,546
Welcome to the tribe, hoser!
25
00:00:58,548 --> 00:01:00,631
No...
26
00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:02,767
it's not true!
27
00:01:02,769 --> 00:01:04,685
That's impossible!
28
00:01:09,579 --> 00:01:13,579
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x08 ♪
The Slutty Pumpkin Returns
Original Air Date on October 31, 2011
29
00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:17,580
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
30
00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:25,240
Once upon a timeat a Halloween party,
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00:01:25,241 --> 00:01:27,641
I met a girldressed like a pumpkin...
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00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:28,642
a slutty pumpkin.
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00:01:28,644 --> 00:01:30,861
And she was extraordinary.
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00:01:30,863 --> 00:01:33,581
But she gave me her numberon a Kit Kat bar,
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00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,916
which was tragically given away
as Halloween candy.
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00:01:35,918 --> 00:01:37,868
So every year I returnto that same party
37
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:39,420
hoping I'd see her again.
38
00:01:39,422 --> 00:01:43,607
But with every passing October,
that hope grew a little dimmer.
39
00:01:43,609 --> 00:01:46,577
Then one day, after ten yearsof searching...
40
00:01:46,579 --> 00:01:48,662
Oh, my God.
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00:01:48,664 --> 00:01:50,931
The slutty pumpkin.
42
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:53,834
This might sound creepy,
but do you have a record
43
00:01:53,836 --> 00:01:55,503
of who rented it in 2001?
44
00:01:58,523 --> 00:01:59,840
Wow, that was easy.
45
00:01:59,842 --> 00:02:01,725
You're not the first lovelorn
young man
46
00:02:01,727 --> 00:02:02,843
to walk through that door.
47
00:02:02,845 --> 00:02:05,146
Three girls got proposals off
48
00:02:05,148 --> 00:02:08,065
my wife's slutty artichoke
costume.
49
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:11,402
Two others disappeared,
but I focus on the positive.
50
00:02:11,404 --> 00:02:14,121
I couldn't believe it.I actually had her address.
51
00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:16,340
I knew I hadto play this right.
52
00:02:16,342 --> 00:02:20,044
It's not like I could just walk
up and knock on her door.
53
00:02:23,748 --> 00:02:27,034
Hi, you probably
don't remember me, but...
54
00:02:27,036 --> 00:02:29,536
Halloween, ten years ago.
55
00:02:30,338 --> 00:02:32,807
Now that's a slow play.
56
00:02:32,809 --> 00:02:36,710
The next day,Lily and Marshall headed out
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00:02:36,712 --> 00:02:38,229
to Lily's grandparentsfor dinner.
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00:02:38,231 --> 00:02:40,214
Marshall loved itout in the 'burbs.
59
00:02:40,216 --> 00:02:41,882
Look how many fireflies
I caught!
60
00:02:41,884 --> 00:02:45,052
Don't forget to poke holes
in the jar this time.
61
00:02:45,854 --> 00:02:48,889
Now we have
a nice surprise for you.
62
00:02:49,991 --> 00:02:52,276
Whatever it is,
we're saying no.
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00:02:52,278 --> 00:02:54,411
- What?
- You know what.
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00:02:54,413 --> 00:02:55,663
Every time we're here,
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00:02:55,665 --> 00:02:57,948
my grandparents stick us with
some big old piece of junk
66
00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,399
they're getting rid of.
67
00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:02,253
It's like the world's worst
Showcase Showdown.
68
00:03:02,255 --> 00:03:05,956
It's a perfectly
usable lawnmower!
69
00:03:07,376 --> 00:03:08,926
We live in an apartment!
70
00:03:08,928 --> 00:03:10,177
But maybe someday
71
00:03:10,179 --> 00:03:11,629
when we move to the suburbs...
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00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,464
We're never moving
to the suburbs!
73
00:03:13,466 --> 00:03:14,548
And you also get...
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00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:17,051
this skinny microphone!
75
00:03:17,053 --> 00:03:18,802
Oh!
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00:03:18,804 --> 00:03:22,256
Before we head out
to our place in Florida,
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00:03:22,258 --> 00:03:24,775
we wanted to give
our favorite granddaughter
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00:03:24,777 --> 00:03:26,443
a little something.
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00:03:26,445 --> 00:03:30,781
Ooh, it's so small.
I love it!
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00:03:30,783 --> 00:03:33,284
- A key?
- We're giving you the house.
81
00:03:33,286 --> 00:03:37,071
Lily, I know you've
always hated the suburbs...
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00:03:37,073 --> 00:03:39,707
We'll take it!
83
00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:42,493
For my first datewith the slutty pumpkin,
84
00:03:42,495 --> 00:03:44,128
I took her someplace special.
85
00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:45,779
Ted, this is so romantic.
86
00:03:45,781 --> 00:03:47,715
The spot where
we first met
87
00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:49,416
ten years ago.
88
00:03:49,418 --> 00:03:51,502
Do you remember the song
that was playing that night?
89
00:03:51,504 --> 00:03:54,255
I remember how beautiful
you looked.
90
00:03:54,257 --> 00:03:56,957
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me ♪
91
00:03:56,959 --> 00:03:59,894
♪ Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry." ♪
92
00:03:59,896 --> 00:04:01,845
Is that, uh,
the Barenaked Ladies, huh?
93
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:03,514
♪ Five days since you laughed
at me ♪
94
00:04:03,516 --> 00:04:05,733
♪ Saying, "Get that together.
Come back and see me." ♪
95
00:04:05,735 --> 00:04:09,987
Kids, it took me ten years,but I finally kissed her.
96
00:04:09,989 --> 00:04:13,473
And it was... terrible.
97
00:04:20,654 --> 00:04:22,154
Lily, you hate the suburbs.
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00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,737
I know, but my grandparents
giving us a house
99
00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:26,272
right when
the baby's on the way?
100
00:04:26,274 --> 00:04:27,389
It's perfect timing.
101
00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:29,408
This is great.
I'm finally gonna be able
102
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:31,727
to barbecue with
proper ventilation.
103
00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:34,614
Marshall!
104
00:04:35,582 --> 00:04:37,116
We're moving
to the suburbs, baby!
105
00:04:37,118 --> 00:04:39,118
Oh...
106
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,621
Okay.
107
00:04:41,623 --> 00:04:43,506
Baby, you're not moving
to the suburbs.
108
00:04:43,508 --> 00:04:44,457
Why not?
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00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:45,841
Lily is only agreeing
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00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:47,593
to all this because
of Pregnancy Brain.
111
00:04:47,595 --> 00:04:49,679
Pregnancy Brain?
That's not a thing.
112
00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:50,913
It's totally a thing.
113
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:55,551
Her brain is marinating in
a cocktail of hormones,
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00:04:55,553 --> 00:04:58,137
mood swings and jacked-up
nesting instincts.
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00:04:58,139 --> 00:05:01,440
I mean, yes, right now
Lily is a goddess
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00:05:01,442 --> 00:05:03,192
bestowing the
miracle of life,
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00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:05,728
but damn, she dumb!
118
00:05:05,730 --> 00:05:09,065
Well, I have noticed some stuff.
119
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,901
I can't find my keys
or wallet anywhere!
120
00:05:11,903 --> 00:05:13,936
I found them...
121
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,438
here in the freezer.
122
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,407
Hey, but where are
the ice cube trays?
123
00:05:18,409 --> 00:05:20,526
No idea.
124
00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:25,948
Those poor ice cubes!
125
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,968
I guess she has been
a little off lately.
126
00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:30,803
A little? She just texted me
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00:05:30,805 --> 00:05:33,656
wanting directions back
from the bathroom.
128
00:05:33,658 --> 00:05:37,176
Oh. We're over here!
129
00:05:38,295 --> 00:05:40,062
You're doing great, sweetie!
130
00:05:40,064 --> 00:05:43,132
That moron should not be making
big life decisions right now.
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00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,767
If you let her move
to the suburbs,
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00:05:44,769 --> 00:05:46,819
it would be like taking
advantage
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00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,354
of a helpless drunk chick.
134
00:05:48,356 --> 00:05:50,573
What? Where?!
135
00:05:50,575 --> 00:05:53,242
Oh, I got a girlfriend, right.
136
00:05:55,512 --> 00:05:57,330
Baby, we should put
off moving.
137
00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:58,331
Why?
138
00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:00,082
Because I think
the pregnancy is
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00:06:00,084 --> 00:06:01,167
affecting your judgment.
140
00:06:01,169 --> 00:06:05,655
No, Marshall, this is
an amazing opportunity
141
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,990
that we have
to take advantage of!
142
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:10,593
Just because my body
is growing a fungus...
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00:06:10,595 --> 00:06:12,094
Fetus.
144
00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:13,362
...doesn't mean that my metal
factories...
145
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:15,097
Meal faculties.
146
00:06:15,099 --> 00:06:17,183
...are in any way funicular.
147
00:06:18,852 --> 00:06:20,353
No idea.
148
00:06:21,188 --> 00:06:24,890
Mmm...
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00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:26,342
This is nice.
What is this?
150
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,509
Canadian whiskey.
151
00:06:29,112 --> 00:06:32,014
I want scotch!
152
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:36,402
American scotch
from Scotland!
153
00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:38,854
Get that swill
away from me!
154
00:06:41,992 --> 00:06:44,126
Why are you doing
this to me?
155
00:06:44,128 --> 00:06:45,995
You have been ripping
on Canada
156
00:06:45,997 --> 00:06:48,530
since Justin Bieber was
knee-high to a snow blower.
157
00:06:48,532 --> 00:06:51,533
So now this Canuck's
gonna beat on you
158
00:06:51,535 --> 00:06:54,387
like the drummer from Yukon
Blonde hopped up on Timbits.
159
00:06:54,389 --> 00:06:56,639
- Hey.
- Hey!
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00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:57,590
How was your
161
00:06:57,592 --> 00:06:59,392
big date with
the Snuffy Tuffkin?
162
00:06:59,394 --> 00:07:00,709
The Sniffy Napkin?
163
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,263
The Slouchy Foreskin?
164
00:07:04,265 --> 00:07:05,547
Lily tie-tie.
165
00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:09,151
It was good... ish.
166
00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:12,721
Look, there's Orion's Belt.
167
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:13,989
Oh.
168
00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:16,108
Why does holding hands feelthis weird?
169
00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:18,277
Should our fingersnot intertwine?
170
00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:21,530
What's causing thatpinching feeling?
171
00:07:21,532 --> 00:07:23,732
I'll just cup her hand.
172
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,068
There. That's...
173
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,087
not great.
174
00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:34,910
Her hair's up my nose.
175
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:38,431
Her shoulder's jabbinginto my windpipe.
176
00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:40,182
Maybe if we reposition.
177
00:07:45,355 --> 00:07:46,755
I have to say something.
178
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,274
She must be feeling it, too.
179
00:07:48,276 --> 00:07:50,092
This feels so right.
180
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,895
We fit like two puzzle pieces.
181
00:07:52,897 --> 00:07:54,113
Yeah.
182
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:57,483
Ted, I know you've waited
ten years for this girl,
183
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:59,601
but some things
just aren't meant to be.
184
00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:01,737
Not so fast.
At the end of the night,
185
00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:04,540
when I leaned in and somehow
accidentally kissed
186
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:07,543
her open eyeball, there was a
slight flicker of something
187
00:08:07,545 --> 00:08:10,629
I might even call chemistry...
188
00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,131
adjacent.
189
00:08:12,999 --> 00:08:14,283
Thank you.
190
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,801
Wait.
191
00:08:17,170 --> 00:08:18,888
Where is my cash?
192
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:20,473
Oh, yeah,
193
00:08:20,475 --> 00:08:23,175
I did a little exchange
for ya, Canucklehead.
194
00:08:23,177 --> 00:08:26,595
This Canadian dollar here
is called a "loonie."
195
00:08:26,597 --> 00:08:30,983
And this two-dollar coin?
A "toonie." True story.
196
00:08:30,985 --> 00:08:34,153
It's federal currency
and you people talk about it
197
00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:36,188
like it's a Hannah-
Barbera character.
198
00:08:36,190 --> 00:08:39,108
Not you people, Barney.
199
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:40,609
Our people.
200
00:08:40,611 --> 00:08:43,078
Even though my first datewith Naomi was
201
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,246
a little awkward,
202
00:08:44,248 --> 00:08:46,315
our second date wasa lot awkward.
203
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,750
Mmm...!
204
00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:50,786
This is the worstkissing of all time!
205
00:08:50,788 --> 00:08:51,820
Mmm...
206
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,622
How could she possiblybe into this?
207
00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:55,958
She sounds likethose cows in
208
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,326
Temple Grandin'shug machines.
209
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,595
Do you want to listen
to some music?
210
00:08:59,597 --> 00:09:00,446
Uh-huh!
211
00:09:07,054 --> 00:09:08,637
Ted, this is our song.
212
00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:10,773
Let's make love to this song.
213
00:09:12,359 --> 00:09:14,560
♪ Chickety China,
the Chinese chicken ♪
214
00:09:14,562 --> 00:09:16,178
♪ Have a drumstick
and your brain stops tickin' ♪
215
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,646
Yeah, I just gotta run
to the bathroom.
216
00:09:17,648 --> 00:09:19,648
♪ X-Files with no lights on,
we're dans la maison. ♪
217
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,320
Hey, doofus!
218
00:09:24,322 --> 00:09:26,322
It's me:
you at age 15.
219
00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,540
And we made a deal
220
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:30,876
we would always boink any chick
that wants to boink us!
221
00:09:30,878 --> 00:09:32,127
Yes, she's beautiful,
222
00:09:32,129 --> 00:09:34,463
it's just there's
no connection there.
223
00:09:34,465 --> 00:09:36,031
I don't feel intimate with her.
224
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,833
"Intimate"? Let me remind you
of some things
225
00:09:37,835 --> 00:09:40,169
you did feel "intimate" with
when you were 15:
226
00:09:40,171 --> 00:09:41,303
a catcher's mitt,
227
00:09:41,305 --> 00:09:43,872
an oven mitt,
a glass of warm water,
228
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:47,510
a half-open hide-a-bed sofa,
a top-loading VCR!
229
00:09:47,512 --> 00:09:48,761
It's not gonna happen!
230
00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:51,397
Come on!
231
00:09:51,399 --> 00:09:54,567
It'll take, like, 30 seconds!
232
00:09:56,052 --> 00:09:57,403
Naomi, listen...
233
00:09:57,405 --> 00:10:00,406
Shh...
234
00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:04,577
You like that, Ted?
235
00:10:04,579 --> 00:10:05,744
Hmm.
236
00:10:05,746 --> 00:10:09,281
Do you ike it
when I caress your hair?
237
00:10:09,283 --> 00:10:12,734
Your hair is
so nice to caress.
238
00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:14,837
Why is she saying that word?
239
00:10:14,839 --> 00:10:17,289
I like to caress your hair.
240
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:21,126
There it is again! "Caress!"Who says that?
241
00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:24,129
Caress.
242
00:10:25,715 --> 00:10:27,749
The thing is,
I like her, okay?
243
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:29,852
I really, really like her.
244
00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:33,022
I just don't seem to like
anything she says or does.
245
00:10:33,857 --> 00:10:35,774
I have to break up
with her, don't I?
246
00:10:35,776 --> 00:10:36,825
Yes!
247
00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:38,861
After you sleep with her, yes!
248
00:10:39,929 --> 00:10:41,597
Marshall, I've been thinking
about what you said.
249
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,450
You're right, we shouldn't
move to the suburbs.
250
00:10:44,452 --> 00:10:47,486
Let's not make any huge life
decisions right now.
251
00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:49,405
Is this because you tried
to make waffles
252
00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:50,606
with the laptop this morning?
253
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:54,043
Anyway, I'm gonna call
a real estate broker
254
00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,828
to come look at the
house tomorrow.
255
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:57,429
Oh, by the way,
256
00:10:57,431 --> 00:10:59,582
I ordered those Minnesota
Vikings drapes.
257
00:10:59,584 --> 00:11:02,801
You're right, they're totally
gonna class up our apartment.
258
00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:08,524
Okay, yes. It's wrong
to bang a drunk chick.
259
00:11:08,526 --> 00:11:11,627
But you're an idiot if you don't
get, like, a little something.
260
00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:15,147
Yo, Canada.
261
00:11:15,149 --> 00:11:17,266
What? Dammit!
262
00:11:17,268 --> 00:11:19,134
Ha, you answer to "Canada" now.
263
00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:22,237
I'll make you a deal.
264
00:11:22,239 --> 00:11:23,606
You wear this costume
265
00:11:23,608 --> 00:11:25,524
to the Halloween party
tomorrow night,
266
00:11:25,526 --> 00:11:27,693
I'll drop it forever.
267
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:32,615
You can't be serious.
268
00:11:32,617 --> 00:11:35,534
Oh, I am as serious
as a poutine shortage
269
00:11:35,536 --> 00:11:38,120
in Chicoutimi during
a curling bonspiel.
270
00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:41,823
I don't know what
any of those words mean.
271
00:11:41,825 --> 00:11:44,009
Yes. You do.
272
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,016
Oh, that must be the broker.
Marshall, will you get it?
273
00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:53,185
Sure. Of course.
274
00:11:53,187 --> 00:11:56,105
Trick or treat!
275
00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:58,507
Oh, my gosh. How cute!
276
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,275
I'm sorry, we don't
have any candy.
277
00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:02,061
Um, we forgot about
trick-or-treaters.
278
00:12:02,063 --> 00:12:03,278
We don't get any where we live.
279
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,198
Yup. Only get this
kind of cuteness
280
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,533
in the suburbs.
281
00:12:09,352 --> 00:12:14,373
Oh. Look at how sweet and
happy and unarmed they all are!
282
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:17,543
Are you using adorable
little children in costumes
283
00:12:17,545 --> 00:12:18,711
to manipulate me?
- Bye!
284
00:12:18,713 --> 00:12:20,862
I mean, did you even call
a real estate broker?
285
00:12:20,864 --> 00:12:22,748
No.
286
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,833
I've got Pregnancy Brain
like a fiddle
287
00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:28,303
and I've been playing
you like a fox.
288
00:12:30,507 --> 00:12:36,028
♪ Oh, Canada... ♪
289
00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:41,433
♪ Our home and native land... ♪
290
00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:46,405
I knew it would be toughto break up with Naomi.
291
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,108
But when it's just not there,you can't force it.
292
00:12:52,829 --> 00:12:54,363
Happy Halloween.
293
00:12:54,365 --> 00:12:57,866
And just like that, I wastaken back ten years...
294
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:01,036
to the hopeful kid inthe hanging chad costume,
295
00:13:01,038 --> 00:13:03,905
falling head over heelsfor the Slutty Pumpkin.
296
00:13:03,907 --> 00:13:06,792
I made you something.
297
00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:12,264
- Oh.
- Your costume from that first night.
298
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,967
Although you do realize
that even ten years ago,
299
00:13:14,969 --> 00:13:17,803
the hanging chad reference
was like almost a year old.
300
00:13:17,805 --> 00:13:20,255
Wow...
301
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,141
I can't believe you made this.
302
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:24,426
I can't believe you found me.
303
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:27,730
Stay strong, Teddy.We can do this.
304
00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:29,531
I...
305
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,984
"Have to break up with you,"just say it.
306
00:13:32,869 --> 00:13:34,236
Love...
Wait, what?
307
00:13:34,238 --> 00:13:35,604
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
308
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,706
Say sunsets!Pancakes! Anything!
309
00:13:37,708 --> 00:13:38,940
Just don't say...
310
00:13:38,942 --> 00:13:40,242
You.
311
00:13:40,244 --> 00:13:43,328
No!
312
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,790
Barney? Where are you?
313
00:13:48,835 --> 00:13:50,702
You're moving slower
than John Diefenbaker
314
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,371
climbing Mount Hungabee
on Boxing Day.
315
00:13:53,373 --> 00:13:55,673
Those are all real references
to our shared homeland.
316
00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:57,175
I'll be right there.
317
00:13:57,177 --> 00:14:01,346
Can't wait to see you in your
costume, Dudley Do-Right.
318
00:14:01,348 --> 00:14:03,264
♪ Living in America ♪
319
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:04,766
♪ Ow! ♪
320
00:14:04,768 --> 00:14:06,601
♪ Eye to eye ♪
321
00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:09,187
♪ Station to station ♪
322
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:12,440
♪ Living in America ♪
323
00:14:12,442 --> 00:14:14,976
♪ Hand in hand ♪
324
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:17,512
♪ Across the nation ♪
325
00:14:17,514 --> 00:14:21,382
♪ Living in America ♪
326
00:14:21,384 --> 00:14:25,286
♪ Got to have a celebration ♪
327
00:14:25,288 --> 00:14:28,623
♪ Rock my soul ♪
328
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,959
♪ Ow! ♪
329
00:14:30,961 --> 00:14:33,244
If we move here, you're just
going to have that baby,
330
00:14:33,246 --> 00:14:34,996
and then you're going to hate me
331
00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:37,332
for letting you do this.
I'm going to love it here.
332
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,919
Oh, we'd have so much
room in the suburbs.
333
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:45,122
You can get that pinball
machine you've always wanted.
334
00:14:45,124 --> 00:14:48,176
You can put it
anywhere you want.
335
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,895
Stop it. You don't
know what you're saying.
336
00:14:50,897 --> 00:14:52,347
Anywhere.
337
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,850
Upstairs, downstairs...
338
00:14:55,852 --> 00:14:58,152
you can stick it in the back.
339
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:02,690
Lily, I want to be
inside this house so bad.
340
00:15:02,692 --> 00:15:05,627
USA! USA!
341
00:15:05,629 --> 00:15:06,928
USA!
342
00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:08,329
Come on!
343
00:15:08,331 --> 00:15:10,665
Okay, so rather than
wearing a Mountie costume
344
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,116
and end this forever,
345
00:15:12,118 --> 00:15:13,985
you show up shirtless
to an outdoor party?
346
00:15:13,987 --> 00:15:15,336
It's practically November.
347
00:15:15,338 --> 00:15:17,755
No biggie. I ain't cold.
348
00:15:17,757 --> 00:15:19,757
Huh. Interesting.
349
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:21,259
It's fascinating.
350
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:24,295
Almost as if your body was
accustomed to low temperatures
351
00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:27,181
after generations of adapting.
352
00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:28,766
Canada.
353
00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:29,851
No.
354
00:15:29,853 --> 00:15:32,670
Guys, hey. Robin,
Barney, this is Naomi.
355
00:15:32,672 --> 00:15:34,055
- Hey.
- Hey.
356
00:15:34,057 --> 00:15:36,724
Nice to meet you guys.
357
00:15:36,726 --> 00:15:40,061
I'm gonna go make some Tootsie
Rolls. It's a drink I invented.
358
00:15:40,063 --> 00:15:41,029
There's a song and dance
359
00:15:41,031 --> 00:15:42,564
that goes along with it,
but I have to
360
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,898
drink three of them
before I can do it.
361
00:15:46,018 --> 00:15:47,669
Oh.
Okay. You go.
362
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,487
This way.
363
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:54,025
Sounds delicious.
In theory.
364
00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:56,360
But you never know
until you taste it.
365
00:15:56,362 --> 00:16:00,698
Ted... have you tasted
her Tootsie Roll?
366
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,716
Of course not.
367
00:16:01,718 --> 00:16:03,968
- Ow.
- Wait. Have you?
368
00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,556
You had sex with someone you
have zero feelings for!
369
00:16:08,558 --> 00:16:09,874
U-S-A!
370
00:16:09,876 --> 00:16:10,925
U-S...
371
00:16:10,927 --> 00:16:13,061
Stop it.
372
00:16:13,063 --> 00:16:14,896
Just no part of it felt right.
373
00:16:14,898 --> 00:16:17,181
At first there was too much
eye contact, then not enough.
374
00:16:17,183 --> 00:16:19,216
Where do you look during sex?
375
00:16:19,218 --> 00:16:21,853
Um, into the hidden camera
at future me watching it.
376
00:16:23,856 --> 00:16:25,106
Okay. Wait. How does
377
00:16:25,108 --> 00:16:27,358
saying "I want to break up
with you" lead into sex?
378
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,662
I didn't say "I want to
break up with you," exactly.
379
00:16:30,664 --> 00:16:32,280
What did you say, exactly?
380
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,533
"I love you."
381
00:16:35,535 --> 00:16:38,069
Classic Schmosby.
382
00:16:39,139 --> 00:16:43,625
Marshall, this house
wants you so bad.
383
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,044
"Mow my lawn.
384
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,679
"Rake my leaves.
385
00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:49,547
Winterize my pipes""
386
00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:50,715
Yes!
387
00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,383
Yes! I'm coming...
388
00:16:52,385 --> 00:16:54,085
to terms with this decision!
389
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:56,020
Oh!
390
00:16:56,022 --> 00:16:57,889
Trick or treat!
391
00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:58,606
Yay!
392
00:16:58,608 --> 00:17:00,808
Okay.
393
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,895
Oh.
394
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,229
Happy Halloween.
395
00:17:07,483 --> 00:17:10,151
- Lily.
- Yeah?
396
00:17:10,153 --> 00:17:11,619
You just gave
those children
397
00:17:11,621 --> 00:17:14,772
a stapler,
a pair of sharp scissors,
398
00:17:14,774 --> 00:17:17,075
and a pretty decent
Pinot Noir.
399
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,459
I did?
400
00:17:19,378 --> 00:17:21,329
Oh, my God.
401
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:25,166
I'm going to miss
that stapler so much.
402
00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:30,722
I'm not doing
so great, am I?
403
00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:32,757
Maybe not.
404
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:37,595
We shouldn't make any
huge life decisions
405
00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:39,230
right now, should we?
406
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:44,068
Hey, look, I love you and
I-I love the idea of raising
407
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:46,154
our kids with a lawn
and a white picket fence,
408
00:17:46,156 --> 00:17:48,305
but we have our whole lives
to decide when
409
00:17:48,307 --> 00:17:50,608
and if we want
to do that.
410
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:52,810
Do what?
411
00:17:52,812 --> 00:17:55,363
Let's get you home.
412
00:18:00,753 --> 00:18:02,420
Ooh.
413
00:18:02,422 --> 00:18:04,989
That's for the stapler!
414
00:18:04,991 --> 00:18:07,158
I hate the suburbs.
415
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:11,713
Naomi...
416
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,330
We have to
end this.
417
00:18:13,332 --> 00:18:14,331
W-- huh?
418
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,967
I'm sorry, Tootsie Rolls make me
419
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,352
really honest.
420
00:18:18,354 --> 00:18:23,191
Ted... I know
you're super into me.
421
00:18:24,143 --> 00:18:25,643
But we are terrible together.
422
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,311
Wait, what?
423
00:18:27,313 --> 00:18:31,649
I've been trying, saying things
felt good that didn't just to...
424
00:18:33,235 --> 00:18:36,120
I thought saying it was good
would make it feel good, but...
425
00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:40,625
...it always felt off.
426
00:18:43,046 --> 00:18:46,130
Why won't he stopsniffing my hair?
427
00:18:46,132 --> 00:18:47,632
And what's upwith the hand holding?
428
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:51,302
It's like he's tryingto win a thumb war.
429
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:54,538
Ted, this is our song.
430
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:57,225
Oh, no, he thinksI'm actually into this song.
431
00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:59,343
Does he not get sarcasm?
432
00:18:59,345 --> 00:19:02,313
Let's make love to this song.
433
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:03,648
I'll just be even moreridiculous
434
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:05,650
to make it clear it's a joke.
435
00:19:05,652 --> 00:19:07,568
♪ Chickety-China,
the Chinese chicken... ♪
436
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:08,820
I...
437
00:19:08,822 --> 00:19:10,988
Uh-oh, where you goingwith this, buddy?
438
00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:12,106
...love...
439
00:19:12,108 --> 00:19:13,390
Nope, too soon.
440
00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:15,777
Say basset hounds,Pretzel Crisps, anything but...
441
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,077
...you.
442
00:19:17,102 --> 00:19:18,944
Oh, God, just kiss himbefore he proposes.
443
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:24,001
Ted, I've been looking
for the Hot Hanging Chad
444
00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:26,621
for the last nine Halloweens.
445
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,456
I've waded
through a sweaty parade
446
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,842
of Big Lebowskis, Harry Potters,
447
00:19:30,844 --> 00:19:32,844
Antoine Dodsons,
and that jackass
448
00:19:32,846 --> 00:19:34,679
who always dresses as laundry.
449
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:36,047
Oh, I hate that guy.
450
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,766
That's why,
once I finally found you...
451
00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:42,937
...it was hard to let you go.
452
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:45,773
Good-bye, Ted.
453
00:19:49,761 --> 00:19:52,530
Let's just not touch ever again.
454
00:19:52,532 --> 00:19:53,481
Probably a good idea, yeah.
455
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,533
Okay.
456
00:19:55,535 --> 00:19:58,202
Kids, after spending a decadedreaming of the wrong girl,
457
00:19:58,204 --> 00:20:01,122
I wanted more than everfor the next woman I met
458
00:20:01,124 --> 00:20:03,491
to be the real thing.
459
00:20:05,577 --> 00:20:09,664
Yeah, I don't know, Barney,
she doesn't seem like my type.
460
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:12,049
I will kill you.
461
00:20:12,051 --> 00:20:13,384
I'll see
what I can do.
462
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:37,858
Oh, hey there, I'm
Barney, how are you?
463
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:41,162
No, I'm Barney.
464
00:20:43,365 --> 00:20:44,498
Whoa.
465
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,450
You pack quite a wallop there.
466
00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:48,485
Hope you didn't
hurt your hand.
467
00:20:48,487 --> 00:20:51,321
Why are you so nice?
468
00:20:52,825 --> 00:20:54,825
Oh, sorry about my
thick noodle there.
469
00:20:54,827 --> 00:20:57,378
How about we split the
cost of the vase, eh?
470
00:20:57,380 --> 00:21:00,047
Holy Zamboni.
471
00:21:00,049 --> 00:21:01,932
Wow, you really put your
weight behind that one.
472
00:21:01,934 --> 00:21:03,434
That was a
really good one.
473
00:21:04,643 --> 00:21:07,526
Oh, heavens to Gretzky, that
was a real Chiclet rattler.
474
00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:11,527
== sync, corrected by elderman ==34023
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