All language subtitles for How_I_Met_Your_Mother_S07E14_kissTVSeries.com

Hey,guys. Where are Marshall and Lily?

Something terrible happened.

Are they okay? Are they in the hospital?

No. Somewhere much... much worse.

ten***

Long Island!

Tonight,we're moving out there for good.

Yeah. Here are your spare
keys to our new house.

Long Island? I don't understand.
You can get spray tans here.

I never let myself believe
this day would really come.

It's like when they canceled
Party of Five for the second time.

I mean when they... canceled sports.

Guys,we'll still see each other all
the time, and we'll talk on the phone.

And I know people say that having kids

means you won't see your
friends anymore,but...

Oh,God,this is good-bye,isn't it?

No. Stop it.

Guys,this doesn't change anything.

We are only a 46-minute
train ride away.

Just pop out whenever you want.

So... I guess this seat is open.

I'll go get a chair.

So that's it.

- No more Marshall.
- No more Lily.

They're gone.

Which means...

no lame married couple shooting
down all my amazing ideas.

Guys,great news.

I'm the new leader of the gang!

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how.i.met.your.mother
S07E14

Marshall and Lily were almost
done decorating their new home.

- I like it there much better.
- Yeah.

There was only one problem.

Wrong! This can't go here.

Kids,when he found out she was pregnant,

Lily's estranged father unexpectedly
showed up on her doorstep.

It was a gesture she appreciated.

But after two weeks,they'd
had just about enough.

That has to go there to cover
up the splintery floorboard.

And you can't hang this picture here.

This isn't plaster;
it's dried toothpaste.

Guys,you're so lucky I'm here.

I grew up in this house. I know
it like the back of my hand.

And this lamp absolutely cannot be here.

Why not?

Blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez
doing her Jane Fonda workouts.

Isn't she a little old,Dad?

Oh,you didn't see her when I was a kid.

In my mind,she'll always be 54.

I know he means well,but
I can't take it anymore.

He won't leave,and-and he's
acting like this is his house.

No,I know. And these annoying
notes he keeps leaving around?

"I need absolute silence
when practicing the drums."

"Do not touch the
fudge in my nightstand."

"We need ant traps for my nightstand."

I find myself hiding out here

just because it's the
only room in the house

where he can't boss us around.

Great news. I put new batteries
in the old intercom system.

Now we can communicate
at all times. Mickey out.

Look at what's become of our booth.

Looks like my old
shop teacher's hand--

just sort of missing something.

Enough! I am sick of you
two wallowing in sadness,

instead of doing the healthy thing

and pretending anyone who leaves
you never existed in the first place.

I hate to agree with Barney's
near-paralyzing abandonment issues,

but he has a point.

You can't just stop living because
two of your friends moved away.

Precisely. Now,as new group leader,

I say we go out and do something that we never
would have done with Marshall and Lily here.

Remember that amazing
idea I had that one time?

- Let's go to a strip club.
- Nope.

So what do you say?

Let's declare our independence
with an on-da-peen dance.

- On-the-peen dance. -
No,we got it. - We got it.

Let's go to a strip club!

Well... I'm going to miss them anywhere.

Might as well see some
cans while I'm at it.

I'll take it! Robin,Kevin,you in?

Kids,early in any relationship,

there's a phase where you
don't say no to anything.

Because you want to seem interesting...

adventurous... and open-minded.

I call it Early Relationship Chicken.

Well,I'm open to anything.

Oh,most def.

So...

- I don't want to go to a strip club.
- I don't want to go to a strip club.

But I don't want him
to think I'm some prude.

Man,we've been saying "so" for a while.

Yes!

Tonight is going
to be legen--

Wait,are we sure it's a good
idea to go to a strip club?

Shut up,Lily! I'm
in charge now-- dary!

I've got no cell reception. I
wanted to call Ted. This feels weird.

The last time I lived this far
from him was my semester abroad.

You never did a semester abroad.

That's what I called it when we
lived on opposite sides of campus.

Wrong! Please tell me you're
not plugging that in there.

Yes,Mickey,that's
exactly what I'm doing.

All right,fine. I won't
say anything. It's...

just that this was my
room when I growing up,

so I know it a little better than you.

Lot of great memories here.

Mostly just discovering my body.

That's it.

Mickey,since you got here,you've
been nothing but judgmental

and pushy and strangely obsessed
with your adolescent sex life.

Tomorrow morning,you're out of here.

Well,I-I've just been
trying to help you...

We don't need your help!

I...

Oh,it-it's okay,baby.
It had to be done.

Too bad the one person who could stop
you from making mistakes like that

was told he has to move out next month.

- Tomorrow!
- Tomorrow!

Would either of you like a dance?

I'm always ready to rock.

And I'm always ready to roll.

So...

- I'm not ready to rock.
- Rolling makes me dizzy.

- Hell,yeah!
- Yeah!

I'm buying my man a lap
dance,'cause that's just how I do!

Party like a rock star!
Party like a rock star...

Uh,hey,guys. It's Ted.

you're probably busy
with the move still.

Give me a call if you want to gab.

Sorry about using the word "gab.

" Ted,stop pining over Marshall
and Lily. Have some self-respect.

Now,put this fiver in your mouth so...

that stripper with the lazy
eye can vacuum it up with...

- Barney!
- Wh-what?

I'm allowed to miss them,okay?
They're my two best friends.

I'm your two best friends!

And we're here tonight to show you
there's no need to miss something

when you can replace it
with something better.

Gentlemen,say hello
to J-J-J-Jasmine!

Remember her?

So,a while back,we discovered
the most amazing thing:

Lily had a doppelganger
who was a Russian stripper.

Look at her,Ted.

She's just like old,less-good Lily,

but instead of bossing us
around,she shows us her boobs.

No touching.

Okay,a little bossing us
around. I call her Better Lily.

Hey,Better Lily,please
dance for my friend.

Barney,I don't need a lap dance.
I need to talk to my friends.

Who says you can't do both?
Talk to her. She's got ears.

Yes,she does have ears.

You want to touch my
girlfriend's boobs? 50 bucks.

Wait-- Better Lily is
dating this behemoth?

Sound like anyone you know?

That's New Marshall.

This is our gang now.

Hey,guys,Ted again.

Starting to think you forgot about me.

Or replaced me with some cool neighbor.

What's his name?! I'm totally kidding.

Anyway,uh... just trying to
remember what your faces look like.

Ted,when they serve
alcohol at a strip club,

you're not allowed to show your vagina.

100 bucks,and you will
see the world,my friend.

They're already ignoring my calls?

Look,I'm realistic.

I knew I'd have to get used
to going to the dentist alone,

but I didn't think they'd
cut me out completely.

If they don't need
us,we don't need them.

Yes! Finally!

By the way,did you see
how she opened that bottle?

Lights out in the suburbs
is... is really dark.

- Where's the fuse box?
- I don't know.

I know where it is.

Maybe I could fix it for
you,if I wasn't so busy packing.

You know what? I bet the
fuse box is in the basement.

I'll just... I'll go find it
myself. How hard can it be?

As hard as that desk
you just walked into?

Good burn,Mickey.

You deserve a little
nightstand fudge for that one.

Where do I look? I mean,I
can't look at her chest.

Damn it! I just did.
Maybe Robin didn't notice.

Man,he's really up in those jugs.

- Shake it,baby!
- A playa's gotta play!

This is weird. I'll just
look her in the eyes.

Is he falling in love
with this stripper?

Quick,do something cool.

- Make it rain,son!
- Money ain't no thang!

Damn it,there was a 20 in there.

Hello,Mr. Eriksen.

From the sound of the wind chimes,I
hear you've made it to the first floor.

Okay... you know what,Mickey?

You can save the creepy
game master routine.

It's only kind of terrifying me.

Oh,but the game has just begun.

I call it "Try Not to Bang into All
the Furniture and Stuff on Your Way

to the Fuse Box in
the Basement,Marshall.

" That's just a working title.

Got a little boob glitter
on your eyebrow,Mac Daddy.

Straight pimpin'.

Barney,you got a little bit,too.

Where?

- Did I get it?
- Yeah,you got it.

Who needs Marshall and Lily?

We got a new gang,and we're all
going to hang out together forever.

My shift is done. Good-bye.

Wait,stop!

Technically,this song's not
over,so we still own you.

Plus we're best friends! Where to next?

We go to underground poker game
in mostly-abandoned insane asylum.

Yes! This is gonna be awesome,

and when it is, I want you all
to remember who led you there:

Barney Stinson,new group leader.

I'm winning all your chippies!

- Let's not drink when we're...
- I'm thirsty; it's good. It's good.

Marshall,I just remembered I saw a box
of matches in the drawer by the trash can.

Okay,thanks,baby.

Lily,I can't find them.

Looking for these?

Oh,right,you can't see me.

Um,well,I'm burning the
matches you so desperately need.

Mickey... guess who
found the basement stairs?

I'll be down at that fuse box
in no time,and when I get there,

I'm sure that I'll figure out how
fuse boxes work,so it'll be fine.

Hey,Marshall,I know I've
been messing with you,

but seriously,that second step,don't...

I don't want to hear it,Mickey.

Oh,my knee!

And watch out for my drum set.

I win again! I was bluffing.

I didn't even have enough cards.

Ted,please stop winning.

Hey,look,it's the New York City skyline.

* We built Chip City Uh,uh!

* We built Chip City on all your dough *

* Built Chip City Hit it! *

You know Butterfly-knife.

I'd expect this from Face Tattoo...

or Jagged Cheek Scar,or Larry,

but not you.

Why don't I get nickname?

Because you have too many
things,Larry. You get one thing!

See,that's why you bring New Marshall.

We go to party in
slaughterhouse. You come?

Please,God,no.

Don't let me be in charge
of the gang anymore.

I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember
me from our sessions three years ago.

Is that the lunatic that
stabbed all those prison guards?

We gotta hit that party!
I'll never find love.

We got to hit that party!

Sweet.

Lily?

I think we made a mistake
moving out to the suburbs.

I miss our home.

I miss our booth with our friends.

And I'm pretty sure
I have a drumstick...

somewhere bad.

Dad,why are you acting like this?

Well,I was just trying to be helpful,

but you guys want me out
by the Fourth of July.

Tomorrow.

You know what a helpful father,not
to mention grandfather,might do?

Get these lights back on.

Okay,Marshall,listen up. I'm
gonna get you to that fuse box.

Can't you just come down
here and do it for me,please?

I don't know anything about this house.

No,Marshall... you don't know
anything about your house.

All right,we got a lot of work to do.

Wait here,we get you
on VPI list for party.

You give us,uh,$200 per
person. Cover charge.

That's pretty steep for a cover charge.

Is very good party.

Is party for,uh,New York
"Yunkees" and Coca-Cola.

Oh,my God. A Coca-Cola Yankees party?

That sounds like a real thing.

Okay,now,Marshall,take
three steps forward,

while ducking underneath
the broken ceiling fan.

Now look to your left and spit.

That's the water heater.
Want to stay away from that.

That baby is hotter than the
Widow Rodriguez in a unitard.

Okay,now past the washer and
dryer is the hardest part.

You're gonna have to belly-crawl
underneath the ping-pong table

- and don't so much as nudge it.
- Why not?

Because there are 900 dominos set
up in the shape of Barbara Eden.

Big,big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.

I'm clear.

I don't know what that sound is,Mickey.

That's the sound of Barbara
Eden never banging me.

That's what that is.

Dad,get it back.

Come on.

Okay,Marshall,take three steps
forward,and you should be at the fuse box.

Do you think he made it?

I did it!

No,Marshall... you did it.

Fun fact: that night inspired Mickey's
one and only successful board game--

* With splintery
floorboards and rusty nails *

* Make sure you don't get impaled *

* Lites Out! *

Brought to you by Aldrin Games!

Well,judging from how many
clients that hooker has serviced,

I'd say we've been here almost an hour.

Ted,we've been robbed.

Better Lily and New
Marshall would never rob us.

They're our best friends.

Damn it,Ted.

New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear

and the only thing that Better
Lily is better at than our Lily

is over-the-pants
hand stuff.

I'm assuming.

I'll admit it. I can't lead this
group. We need Marshall and Lily.

But they're gone,aren't they?

I mean,it'll go from seeing
them a couple times a week,

to a couple times a month,and
then it'll just be holiday parties.

Then the years pass,and you
find out Marshall's dead,

and you're there for
Lily emotionally at first,

but then it becomes
sexual,and you feel guilty,

but maybe that guilt just
makes it dirtier and better...

No,I won't let that happen.
Especially that last part.

Look,I know I've been a
little drunk and naive tonight,

but here's what's gonna happen.

First,we're gonna leave a note for
Better Lily and Arvydas,they're worriers.

Oh,buddy.

Then,we're gonna go see Only
Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily

because they're our best friends
and they're only 46 minutes away.

Are you with me?

Kind of resent the power
grab,but okay,let's go!

Hey,do you want to come
to Long Island with us?

Uh,well,still a few more
hours before the sun comes up.

So...

- No.
- No?

Is that bad?

No,it's great.

Ooh,that felt so good. I hate
doing things and going anywhere!

Oh,new experiences suck!

While we're at it,I
hate high-fiving you!

I know. We're adults who are sleeping
together,not teens pledging a frat.

Oh,man,I really liked the high-five.

The next morning,Marshall and
Lily woke up to a surprise.

Hey,what are... what
are you guys doing here?

Just wanted to make
sure this key worked.

We missed you.

Give mama a hug.

Don't check your voicemail. Y-You
might have a couple weird ones.

You hear this?! This is
the sound of me moving on.

Yeah,I'm a stripper.

Okay,who wants pancakes?

Which two of you want
pancakes? I'll make more.

Oh,good-good-good,'cause
I want pancakes.

- There you go.
- Thank you,okay.

Enjoy them.

Hey,honey,look,I'm sorry
I was a jerk before. Okay?

I'll leave right after breakfast.
I'll crash with some friends.

Dad,you know what? You can stay.

Oh,thank God. I got no friends.

I'll be here two weeks,tops.

It wasn't two weeks.

Would the five of us always live
within a few minutes of that booth?

No,that's life,kids,but
here's what I discovered.

Our booth was wherever the
five of us were together.

That's right,Widow
Rodriguez. Stretch it.

Work those gams. Ooh,yeah.

Grab that left arm. Clutch that chest.

Fall down really fast.

Oh,my God! Somebody call 911!

how.i.met.your.mother
S07E14