All language subtitles for enHow_I_Met_Your_Mother_S04E01_kissTVSeries.com

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,586 Kids, there is something I wish my dad told me. 2 00:00:05,828 --> 00:00:08,761 The longest pause you will ever experience in your life 3 00:00:08,881 --> 00:00:10,978 is the one that follows asking the question... 4 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,384 Will you marry me? 5 00:00:13,295 --> 00:00:16,893 Your brain goes into overdrive, imaging every possible response. 6 00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:18,814 No. 7 00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:20,777 Oh, God, no. 8 00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:26,065 You want me to marry... 9 00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:27,498 No. 10 00:00:28,533 --> 00:00:30,677 Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. I can't. 11 00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:31,713 Mark Johnson, 12 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,812 the quarterback from your high school football team, already asked me. 13 00:00:34,932 --> 00:00:36,191 What's up, Turd? 14 00:00:36,886 --> 00:00:37,966 It's Ted! 15 00:00:39,309 --> 00:00:40,469 But if you're lucky, 16 00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:44,184 she may answer with the single greatest word in the English language. 17 00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:45,507 Yes. 18 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:50,923 Sync : Avada 19 00:01:00,732 --> 00:01:03,361 Stella and I spent that summer happily engaged. 20 00:01:04,051 --> 00:01:06,248 Marshall was still coping with unemployment. 21 00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:07,542 What are you doing? 22 00:01:09,706 --> 00:01:11,648 Lily threw herself into her painting. 23 00:01:11,879 --> 00:01:13,211 What are you doing? 24 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,023 Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident. 25 00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,607 What are you doing? 26 00:01:19,912 --> 00:01:22,940 And well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment. 27 00:01:26,218 --> 00:01:27,597 What are you doing? 28 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:33,264 And Robin continued to uphold the high journalistic standards of Metro News 1. 29 00:01:33,874 --> 00:01:38,805 Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? 30 00:01:39,092 --> 00:01:41,468 Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... 31 00:01:42,199 --> 00:01:43,081 Tooth. 32 00:01:45,962 --> 00:01:48,044 Okay, I officially hate my job. 33 00:01:48,377 --> 00:01:52,306 I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone who shows up at night and scares people. 34 00:01:52,538 --> 00:01:54,748 I'm the bogeyman with a teleprompter. 35 00:01:57,815 --> 00:01:59,860 "Bogeyman with a teleprompter." 36 00:01:59,981 --> 00:02:02,730 That's hilarious! Great joke, Robin, great joke. 37 00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:05,957 Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny. 38 00:02:06,117 --> 00:02:08,572 Are you kidding? That was a great joke. 39 00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:11,226 It's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. 40 00:02:11,346 --> 00:02:13,788 It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. 41 00:02:14,431 --> 00:02:15,593 In a joke. 42 00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:20,172 "Bogeyman with a teleprompter." 43 00:02:21,227 --> 00:02:22,083 Classic. 44 00:02:24,224 --> 00:02:27,766 Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me 45 00:02:27,887 --> 00:02:30,501 to come over at 7:22 in the morning? 46 00:02:30,621 --> 00:02:34,030 I could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. 47 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:37,290 But I can't tell you what it is. I should tell you, but I can't! 48 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:40,880 I have to. I never will! I'm going to. Let's just drop it. What's up with you? 49 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:43,035 Barney, just say it. 50 00:02:46,491 --> 00:02:48,130 I think I'm in love with Robin. 51 00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:52,164 Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas for Stella's wedding shower. 52 00:02:52,284 --> 00:02:53,784 Does she like to cook? 53 00:02:55,282 --> 00:02:56,823 Actually, I don't know. 54 00:02:57,121 --> 00:02:58,801 What's her favorite color? 55 00:02:59,854 --> 00:03:01,380 Don't know that either. 56 00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:04,113 - Well, does she have any hobbies? - Yes. 57 00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:06,794 She's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. 58 00:03:07,073 --> 00:03:08,573 And interests, too. 59 00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:10,815 I am one lucky son of a bitch. 60 00:03:10,935 --> 00:03:11,799 Dude, 61 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,353 you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying. 62 00:03:14,513 --> 00:03:15,407 What? 63 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,024 You're crazy! I know plenty. 64 00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:18,730 What color are her eyes? 65 00:03:19,905 --> 00:03:22,370 The color of the ocean after a storm. 66 00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:23,623 Which is? 67 00:03:26,454 --> 00:03:27,409 Beautiful. 68 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,341 I don't believe it. 69 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:33,569 I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your sex swing again, 70 00:03:33,690 --> 00:03:35,302 but you're in love? 71 00:03:35,891 --> 00:03:37,150 That is so sweet! 72 00:03:37,311 --> 00:03:38,625 It's not "sweet." 73 00:03:38,745 --> 00:03:40,658 It's like a disease. 74 00:03:40,818 --> 00:03:43,580 I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. 75 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,377 I caught feelings bad. 76 00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,567 I used protection and everything. 77 00:03:48,569 --> 00:03:52,140 Barney, you don't "catch" feelings, you just have them. 78 00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:54,768 - And they're good. - They're terrible! 79 00:03:55,046 --> 00:03:57,157 I can't eat, I can't sleep. 80 00:03:57,502 --> 00:04:00,343 She's all I think about. I close my eyes, I see Robin. 81 00:04:00,463 --> 00:04:02,705 I, I hear a song; it reminds me of Robin. 82 00:04:02,865 --> 00:04:03,641 Morning. 83 00:04:03,761 --> 00:04:06,498 I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin. 84 00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:10,346 Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella. 85 00:04:10,614 --> 00:04:12,731 What's really about? Do you not like her or something? 86 00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:15,899 No, Ted, I like Stella lot. She's a Mets fan. 87 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:16,779 Really? 88 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,291 It's just that everything with you has moved so fast. 89 00:04:19,411 --> 00:04:21,268 You've only known each other a few months. 90 00:04:21,388 --> 00:04:23,724 Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? 91 00:04:23,844 --> 00:04:26,024 - Get to know each other better? - I'll have a whole life 92 00:04:26,145 --> 00:04:27,737 time to get to know her better. 93 00:04:27,856 --> 00:04:30,680 Right now, I know the one thing that I have to: 94 00:04:31,491 --> 00:04:32,546 that I love her. 95 00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:33,963 You love her? 96 00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,374 Barney, how can you be in love, 97 00:04:36,494 --> 00:04:38,781 and still be sleeping with anything that moves? 98 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:41,865 I'm sorry, I don't follow you. 99 00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:43,577 That's like saying, 100 00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:46,351 "How can an ant carry "20 times its body weight, 101 00:04:46,471 --> 00:04:48,455 but root beer floats are still delicious?" 102 00:04:48,575 --> 00:04:50,055 Are the two even related? 103 00:04:50,215 --> 00:04:51,178 Really? 104 00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,857 Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around 105 00:04:53,978 --> 00:04:55,675 if you want to be Robin's boyfriend. 106 00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,094 "Boyfriend"? 107 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,288 I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend. 108 00:05:01,699 --> 00:05:03,333 Well, what do you want, then? 109 00:05:03,493 --> 00:05:05,839 I don't know. I just want to be with her. 110 00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:07,416 All the time. 111 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,645 I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. 112 00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:13,856 I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. 113 00:05:15,178 --> 00:05:17,363 But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend. 114 00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:20,096 Barney, what you just described 115 00:05:20,375 --> 00:05:23,749 is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. 116 00:05:24,002 --> 00:05:26,048 And a pretty clingy one at that. 117 00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:29,290 Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not? 118 00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,303 I'm a kindergarten teacher. 119 00:05:31,423 --> 00:05:35,131 I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, 120 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,290 I gotta help the poor, little bastard. 121 00:05:37,559 --> 00:05:39,978 But only if you stop sleeping around. 122 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,025 Deal? 123 00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,085 Deal. 124 00:05:43,245 --> 00:05:44,313 Coming up next, 125 00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:48,940 is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? 126 00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:51,171 Stay tuned for the full... 127 00:05:52,721 --> 00:05:53,625 Scoop. 128 00:05:53,746 --> 00:05:54,761 Really? 129 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:03,693 I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook, but us ladies? 130 00:06:04,199 --> 00:06:06,592 - We find it mighty sexy. - Really? 131 00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:07,887 You know... 132 00:06:08,574 --> 00:06:10,103 My grandma taught me how. 133 00:06:10,223 --> 00:06:12,003 - Oh, yeah, she did. - Yeah. 134 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:15,235 I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook because 135 00:06:15,503 --> 00:06:16,823 I wasn't good at sports. 136 00:06:17,715 --> 00:06:19,204 I'm on fire right now. 137 00:06:24,193 --> 00:06:25,759 Delicious. What's in this pesto? 138 00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:28,945 Oh, you know, the usual: basil, garlic, olive oil, 139 00:06:29,065 --> 00:06:31,186 but can you guess my secret ingredient? 140 00:06:31,547 --> 00:06:32,464 Peanuts. 141 00:06:32,763 --> 00:06:34,278 Yes. How did you know that? 142 00:06:40,955 --> 00:06:43,462 - OK, let's my think, what else? - You know what, sweetie? 143 00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:46,312 I woke up so early and I had a really long day at work. 144 00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,946 And there was that whole thing where you tried to kill me. 145 00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,527 Can we please just go to sleep? 146 00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:53,212 No, I clearly need to know more about you. 147 00:06:53,498 --> 00:06:55,403 Let's do firsts. First kiss? 148 00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:57,682 Dale Harris, second grade. 149 00:06:57,949 --> 00:07:01,124 You're talking like peck on the cheek or a full-on passionate making out? 150 00:07:01,284 --> 00:07:04,163 - Passionate making out. - OK, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade. 151 00:07:04,535 --> 00:07:05,932 First time you had sex. 152 00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:07,891 - Dale Harris, second... - Stop it. 153 00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:10,061 Billy Devito, sophomore year of college. 154 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,087 Prude. 155 00:07:11,354 --> 00:07:13,534 Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school. 156 00:07:13,655 --> 00:07:14,506 Slut. 157 00:07:15,444 --> 00:07:17,617 Robin just needs to see this new see of you. 158 00:07:17,932 --> 00:07:19,955 - So just call her up? - Just call her up. 159 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,568 It's... 160 00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:26,674 Hi, Robin. 161 00:07:28,759 --> 00:07:31,105 She wasn't there. I left a voice mail. 162 00:07:31,265 --> 00:07:33,301 You left a voice, but it wasn't male. 163 00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,399 Barney, I don't get it. 164 00:07:35,519 --> 00:07:37,902 You've called a million girls a million times. 165 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:39,663 Yeah, but those were just booty calls. 166 00:07:39,783 --> 00:07:42,003 On a booty call, you barely even have to talk. 167 00:07:42,642 --> 00:07:45,303 Around 9:00 p.m., you say... Hey, baby, it's Barney. 168 00:07:45,422 --> 00:07:47,238 You busy tonight? Sweet. 169 00:07:47,358 --> 00:07:49,515 See you in half an hour? Can't wait. 170 00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:52,502 But the later it gets, the fewer words you need. 171 00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,391 Barney. Busy? Sweet. 172 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,444 And by 3:00 in the morning... 173 00:08:03,188 --> 00:08:04,072 Sweet. 174 00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:06,723 A question mark? 175 00:08:06,843 --> 00:08:08,893 You got laid off a question mark? 176 00:08:12,118 --> 00:08:14,822 It's no worse than your super-obvious code words. 177 00:08:16,471 --> 00:08:18,425 - Rhinoceros. - We have to go. 178 00:08:19,928 --> 00:08:21,711 Great. Now we need a new code word. 179 00:08:23,261 --> 00:08:25,894 Ah, ah, it's her, it's Robin. What do I do? 180 00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:27,976 No-no-no-no, aah! Robin... 181 00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:29,972 Great to hear from you. 182 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:32,191 To what do I owe the pleasure? 183 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,267 You called, went, and hung up. 184 00:08:35,386 --> 00:08:36,517 What do you want? 185 00:08:36,637 --> 00:08:37,746 Help me! 186 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:40,191 Just ask her something. 187 00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:43,466 How are you feeling today? 188 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,885 Fine. 189 00:08:45,005 --> 00:08:46,495 Something personal. 190 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:51,190 At what age did you first get your period? 191 00:08:52,187 --> 00:08:53,947 Did you just ask me about about my period? 192 00:08:54,106 --> 00:08:55,492 No, I did not. 193 00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,759 Look, Barney, I'm at work right now. 194 00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:00,468 Just ask her out. 195 00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:04,504 Robin, I was wondering if... 196 00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:08,519 Nothing. Gotta go. Bye. 197 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,766 That was just a practical joke. 198 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,689 I'm not really in love with Robin. 199 00:09:14,809 --> 00:09:16,853 You should've seen the look on your face. 200 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,563 There's cameras right there and there and there. 201 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:24,844 What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again. 202 00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:31,378 Gross. 203 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,997 - First movie you ever saw. - Benji,1981. 204 00:09:38,242 --> 00:09:40,878 I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought, 205 00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:43,593 "Oh, that dog is so dead right now." 206 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:45,926 What about you? 207 00:09:46,046 --> 00:09:48,980 My dad took me to an old drive-in to see the original Star Wars. 208 00:09:49,569 --> 00:09:51,777 You know, I've actually never seen Star Wars. 209 00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:54,240 She's never seen Star Wars?! 210 00:09:54,401 --> 00:09:56,051 Ted, the only people in the universe 211 00:09:56,171 --> 00:09:58,399 who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters, 212 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:00,121 and that's 'cause they lived them. 213 00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:03,401 - That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars. - You've got to calm down. 214 00:10:03,532 --> 00:10:06,260 I told you. You didn't know this girl well enough. What if... 215 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,877 - you show it to her, she doesn't like it? - Dude, it's just a movie. 216 00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:12,537 Star Warsis your all-time favorite movie, 217 00:10:12,657 --> 00:10:14,964 and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important. 218 00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:17,498 It's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are. 219 00:10:18,665 --> 00:10:19,793 It's just a movie. 220 00:10:19,956 --> 00:10:21,675 It's just a movie! 221 00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:25,654 121 awesome minutes later 222 00:10:26,662 --> 00:10:28,255 If Stella doesn't like this movie, 223 00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:30,100 - I can't marry her. - You can't. 224 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,690 - You want to watch it again? - I do. 225 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:41,543 Where are the boys? I thought this was a group thing. 226 00:10:41,663 --> 00:10:44,409 I lied. They're not coming and I'm about to leave. 227 00:10:44,529 --> 00:10:45,489 Why? 228 00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:46,457 Because... 229 00:10:46,616 --> 00:10:49,170 they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I. 230 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,712 I mean, she's great and sweet. 231 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,557 I'm not going to pretend that I haven't noticed her body, 232 00:10:54,677 --> 00:10:56,937 but this is off topic. Good luck. 233 00:10:57,097 --> 00:10:58,697 Wait, wait, I can't do this. 234 00:10:58,816 --> 00:11:00,850 She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some 235 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:02,239 womanizing idiot. 236 00:11:02,753 --> 00:11:04,773 We both know you're more than that. 237 00:11:05,324 --> 00:11:07,685 How Robin the Barney I met the other day. 238 00:11:08,215 --> 00:11:10,900 You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male 239 00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:13,099 who sounded alarmingly close to Ted? 240 00:11:13,789 --> 00:11:15,577 Ted hit that for over a year. 241 00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:17,772 Wish me luck. 242 00:11:19,152 --> 00:11:21,374 I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight, 243 00:11:21,494 --> 00:11:24,558 and since you've never seen Star Wars, I figured why not? 244 00:11:24,925 --> 00:11:25,970 No big deal. 245 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,652 It's pretty good. 246 00:11:28,028 --> 00:11:29,547 Sounds like a plan. 247 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,059 I'm just grab a beer. You want one? 248 00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:39,175 The movie's already started, so... 249 00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:42,658 It's some words flying through space. I'm not going to read that anyway. 250 00:11:42,818 --> 00:11:43,786 Oh, my God. 251 00:11:43,945 --> 00:11:45,403 Off to a bad start. 252 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,007 What are you doing down there? 253 00:11:48,127 --> 00:11:50,582 I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. 254 00:11:50,703 --> 00:11:52,011 That's what I'm doing. 255 00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:54,107 What are you doing, hiding behind the couch? 256 00:11:54,227 --> 00:11:55,478 You need to get a job. 257 00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:58,923 I really do, don't I? 258 00:12:00,983 --> 00:12:02,105 So, Robin... 259 00:12:03,051 --> 00:12:04,413 tell me about your day, 260 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:08,091 and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened. 261 00:12:09,227 --> 00:12:11,665 - What? - I'm not looking to problem-solve, 262 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:13,349 I'm just looking to listen. 263 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,440 - Why are you acting like this? - Like what? 264 00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:19,993 You're being super nice. It's... 265 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,913 freaking me out. Be... 266 00:12:22,604 --> 00:12:24,978 gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney. 267 00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:26,673 I'm being Barney, 268 00:12:27,427 --> 00:12:29,931 and I think tonight's going to be 269 00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:32,037 de... wait for it... lightful. 270 00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,470 Delightful. 271 00:12:35,346 --> 00:12:36,348 Right. 272 00:12:40,152 --> 00:12:42,326 So I went to the chiropractor yesterday. 273 00:12:42,486 --> 00:12:45,792 That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour. 274 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:51,374 Is insurance going to cover that? Sometimes they don't. 275 00:12:52,036 --> 00:12:53,082 That's it? 276 00:12:56,982 --> 00:12:58,664 Today I was at the dentist. 277 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,970 That guy drilled me 278 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:02,803 all day long. 279 00:13:03,655 --> 00:13:05,124 He drilled me hard. 280 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,855 He filled all of my cavities. 281 00:13:08,357 --> 00:13:09,468 Come on, man. 282 00:13:10,026 --> 00:13:12,706 - Your teeth look fantastic. - Who are you? 283 00:13:21,328 --> 00:13:22,329 What? 284 00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:24,370 Nothing. 285 00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,054 You were staring at me. 286 00:13:28,626 --> 00:13:30,425 You look really beautiful tonight. 287 00:13:32,239 --> 00:13:34,556 You don't look so bad yourself, mister. 288 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,543 Great scene, great scene. 289 00:13:39,254 --> 00:13:40,909 Star Wars fun fact number seven... 290 00:13:41,069 --> 00:13:42,847 George Lucas based the film's structure 291 00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:45,168 on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. 292 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,341 He also owes a debt to Campbell's work with comparative mythology. 293 00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:50,576 Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here. 294 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:51,955 What's going on? 295 00:13:52,238 --> 00:13:53,239 Nothing. 296 00:13:54,712 --> 00:13:55,725 Wait, it's 297 00:13:55,995 --> 00:13:58,655 really important to you that I like this movie, isn't it? 298 00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:05,042 I'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time. 299 00:14:05,337 --> 00:14:07,737 Go to your room and I will come get you when it's over. 300 00:14:07,857 --> 00:14:08,859 Go. 301 00:14:15,925 --> 00:14:17,429 Should I leave, too? 302 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,910 What part, what part? 303 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:28,995 Thanks. 304 00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,189 Nothing? 305 00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:32,762 Not even a glance? 306 00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:36,577 Even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. 307 00:14:36,902 --> 00:14:38,530 What the hell is wrong with you? 308 00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:42,818 I don't always want to be that guy. Sometimes I want to be someone 309 00:14:42,938 --> 00:14:44,837 you can have an actual conversation with. 310 00:14:46,039 --> 00:14:49,016 Now, tell me something about you that I don't know yet. 311 00:14:49,698 --> 00:14:50,557 Seriously. 312 00:14:55,606 --> 00:14:57,673 There's a job opening at a new cable network 313 00:14:57,793 --> 00:14:59,702 that would be perfect for me... 314 00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:04,284 completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter... 315 00:15:05,932 --> 00:15:08,426 - but I decided I'm not going to apply. - Why not? 316 00:15:08,795 --> 00:15:10,033 Because I'm a joke. 317 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,271 I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel. 318 00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,069 We both know you're more than that. 319 00:15:17,398 --> 00:15:18,824 Promise me you'll apply. 320 00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:22,916 - It's not as easy... - Promise me you'll apply. 321 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:27,685 I promise. 322 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,120 She's up to the scene where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewy escape 323 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,790 - from the Death Star's trash compactor. - Great scene. 324 00:15:36,414 --> 00:15:37,531 Greatscene? 325 00:15:40,311 --> 00:15:42,310 Okay, we should have just heard... 326 00:15:46,883 --> 00:15:49,473 but Stella didn't make a peep. I'm gonna take a look. 327 00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:00,829 She's not even watching. She's texting. 328 00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:04,212 - I'll tell her you still want to be friends. - I don't believe this. 329 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,756 I believe, she knows this is important to me. She's blatantly... 330 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,107 "Stop watching me, jackasses." 331 00:16:14,782 --> 00:16:17,133 - To taking chances. - To taking chances. 332 00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:23,982 You know, Robin, there's actually something, I do want to talk to you about. 333 00:16:24,415 --> 00:16:26,369 - Last call. - Of course it is. 334 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,722 - One more for the road? - Yeah, why not? 335 00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:30,452 Hold that thought? 336 00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:34,258 I will. 337 00:16:42,938 --> 00:16:44,452 - I loved it. - Yes! 338 00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:48,077 I am marrying a woman who is not only hot 339 00:16:48,198 --> 00:16:50,436 but loves Star Wars. That's the dream. 340 00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:55,500 - What was that? - I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me 341 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,653 through the space-time continuum. We did it. 342 00:16:57,772 --> 00:17:00,833 We did it, you masturbating little bastard. 343 00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:02,711 Champagne for everybody. 344 00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:07,035 It was so good. 345 00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,877 - You hated it, didn't you? - It's so stupid. First of all, 346 00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:13,108 how do they understand that walking bear they hang around with all the time? 347 00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:14,822 - Wookiee. - He goes... 348 00:17:16,707 --> 00:17:18,551 They're all like, "That's a good point, Bear, 349 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,586 - "let's try that." - He's a Wookiee, 350 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,691 and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. 351 00:17:26,383 --> 00:17:28,507 That is Ted's favorite movie of all time. 352 00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,965 He watches it when he's home sick with the flu. 353 00:17:31,085 --> 00:17:34,017 He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall. 354 00:17:34,373 --> 00:17:35,949 He watches it on Christmas Eve. 355 00:17:37,228 --> 00:17:40,133 Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health, 356 00:17:40,254 --> 00:17:42,045 in good times and in bad. 357 00:17:43,223 --> 00:17:46,749 Do you really think that you can pretend to like a movie that you actually hate 358 00:17:47,115 --> 00:17:48,596 for the rest of your life? 359 00:17:53,318 --> 00:17:54,319 I do. 360 00:17:56,235 --> 00:17:57,786 Then, Ted's a lucky guy. 361 00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:03,792 Bear. 362 00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:09,322 So, here's the deal. 363 00:18:09,442 --> 00:18:12,060 April, have... you met Barney? 364 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,164 April just finished her shift, she's looking to blow off some steam. 365 00:18:20,363 --> 00:18:22,274 Would you excuse us for one sec? 366 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,081 - What are you doing? - You were so nice to me tonight, 367 00:18:26,201 --> 00:18:28,518 I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style. 368 00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:31,107 So, as I was saying, 369 00:18:31,268 --> 00:18:33,632 Barney is the Yankees' new second-baseman. 370 00:18:33,752 --> 00:18:37,690 And Barney, April asked if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her 371 00:18:38,007 --> 00:18:39,665 during the baseball match. 372 00:18:40,056 --> 00:18:41,838 You can't make this stuff up. 373 00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:44,486 So, you two kids have fun. 374 00:18:47,572 --> 00:18:49,479 So are you... nervous about the game? 375 00:18:49,639 --> 00:18:51,609 Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team 376 00:18:52,804 --> 00:18:54,700 'cause when I step up to that plate... 377 00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,375 I am not a New York Yankee. 378 00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:03,192 Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not. 379 00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:06,655 I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left, 380 00:19:07,204 --> 00:19:09,742 and she's never going to feel the same way. 381 00:19:12,044 --> 00:19:13,442 So I'm just going to go. 382 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,135 And that was it. 383 00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,914 I'm so sorry, Barney. 384 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,528 You can't give up. 385 00:19:21,649 --> 00:19:24,929 You know, it may take some time, but once Robin sees the new you... 386 00:19:26,176 --> 00:19:29,732 When my family gets to Yankee Stadium, are the tickets under your name or mine? 387 00:19:29,892 --> 00:19:32,384 My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. 388 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,325 They're going to be in foul ball country. 389 00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:40,045 Come on. The Robin stuff was completely true. 390 00:19:41,332 --> 00:19:42,552 Damn it, Barney. 391 00:19:42,672 --> 00:19:44,784 I mean, for the last time, 392 00:19:44,904 --> 00:19:46,914 you can't... you can't 393 00:19:47,162 --> 00:19:49,214 be in love with Robin and still be sleeping 394 00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:51,203 with every bimbo on the planet. 395 00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:52,990 You have to choose right now. 396 00:19:55,231 --> 00:19:56,621 - I choose bimbos. - What? 397 00:19:57,862 --> 00:20:01,075 Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. 398 00:20:01,781 --> 00:20:05,433 Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. 399 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:09,563 This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, 400 00:20:09,683 --> 00:20:11,068 my heart belongs to bimbos. 401 00:20:12,006 --> 00:20:14,827 This is just a defense mechanism, because 402 00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:18,083 you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused. 403 00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:19,882 Oh, I'm not confused. 404 00:20:20,622 --> 00:20:22,174 You know who is confused? 405 00:20:22,676 --> 00:20:23,675 Bimbos. 406 00:20:24,037 --> 00:20:26,768 They're easily confused. It's one of the thousand little things 407 00:20:26,887 --> 00:20:28,251 I love about them. 408 00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:30,555 I love their vacant, 409 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:34,527 trusting stares, their sluggish, unencumbered minds, 410 00:20:35,121 --> 00:20:37,013 their unresolved daddy issues. 411 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,005 I love them and they love me. 412 00:20:40,821 --> 00:20:44,478 Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. 413 00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:47,313 Mostly thin. B- man don't do thick crust. 414 00:20:47,472 --> 00:20:48,440 What up? 415 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:49,734 See you, Barney. 29296

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.