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1
00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:06,567
A waffle is like
a beautiful golden lattice
2
00:00:06,567 --> 00:00:10,300
of sweet, shimmering,
syrup-filled lakes.
3
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,667
Mm.
4
00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:15,734
And yet in our wedding vows,
he called me "chief."
5
00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:17,701
You eating?
6
00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:19,067
Saving my appetite for lunch,
7
00:00:19,067 --> 00:00:21,968
but you did talk me
into a bite of yours.
8
00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:26,634
See, here's how it works:
I order what I want to eat,
9
00:00:26,634 --> 00:00:28,801
and I alone eat it.
10
00:00:28,801 --> 00:00:32,701
Okay, probably don't
need X-rays.
11
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:35,534
Jeff's a little territorial
about his food.
12
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:36,868
Yeah, my mistake.
13
00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:40,534
He seems so human,
I forget he's a gorilla.
14
00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:42,367
It's a thing from when
I was a kid, you know,
15
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,601
I was afraid I was never
gonna get enough food.
16
00:00:44,601 --> 00:00:47,634
Even with all those people
throwing peanuts into the cage?
17
00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,567
You really want your cause
of death to be
18
00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:52,734
"one too many gorilla jokes"?
19
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:56,367
Anyway, so who's
your lunch date with, huh?
20
00:00:56,367 --> 00:00:58,400
That, uh, geography
whiz you were seeing?
21
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,300
Hey, do you know the capital
of North Dakota?
22
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,400
Uh, I know it's not
South Dakota.
23
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,501
Yeah, that was a shocker.
24
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,234
No, she's a real smartie.
25
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,467
Dr. Ellen Leib.
26
00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:10,400
She's a psychiatrist.
27
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,234
You're dating a shrink?
28
00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:16,400
Aren't you worried she's gonna
see right past all of, uh, this?
29
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,701
Listen, I've been to
my share of these people,
30
00:01:18,701 --> 00:01:21,868
some by choice,
some court-ordered,
31
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:26,501
but I've found it's
impossible to shrink me.
32
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:28,501
God did a pretty good job.
33
00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,667
Even as a kid,
it was a waste of time.
34
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,501
Your parents sent you
to therapy?
35
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:35,200
Well, their divorce hit me
pretty hard,
36
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,601
I always thought it was
my fault.
37
00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:39,567
That's so sad.
It turns out it was my fault.
38
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:44,267
But I got to check out
those Rorschach tests.
39
00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,334
Why is that a good thing?
Come on,
40
00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:50,667
ink-blot pictures
of people having sex.
41
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:52,667
Ha, ha, nice.
Wow.
42
00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:56,901
Oh, that's Jackie.
43
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:03,968
I need you guys
to help me with Adam.
44
00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:06,801
Oh, listen, I'll show him with
the hand puppets one more time,
45
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:09,767
but when it comes to the wedding
night, he's on his own.
46
00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:11,133
He went to go
visit his parents,
47
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:12,901
and I guess the hippies
rubbed off on him,
48
00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:14,634
'cause he came back
with a soul patch.
49
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,901
No.
Oh, wow.
50
00:02:15,901 --> 00:02:18,767
So that means
you're gonna be Mrs. Idiot.
51
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:21,734
I tried to tell him it's lame,
he thinks it's cool and retro.
52
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:24,300
He crumbles under pressure from
you guys, so let him have it.
53
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,367
Really lay into him.
54
00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:26,667
All right, here he comes.
55
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:29,501
Oh, my God.
56
00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,234
What up, guys?
57
00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,534
Hey, Welcome back.
58
00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:36,834
Got a little
soul patch action, huh?
59
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:39,300
Oh, yeah, well,
what do you think?
60
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,033
Well...
61
00:02:41,033 --> 00:02:43,968
I think it's pretty damn cool.
62
00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:46,634
What? No, you don't.
63
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,767
Yeah, I'd go so far as
to say retro.
64
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:51,734
Wow. Okay, I-I gotta admit
that there was a part of me
65
00:02:51,734 --> 00:02:53,501
that thought you guys were gonna
mock it.
66
00:02:53,501 --> 00:02:55,501
Oh, my God, why?
67
00:02:55,501 --> 00:02:57,434
Thank you.
68
00:02:57,434 --> 00:03:00,567
I'm going to go wash up.
69
00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:03,200
What the hell is
wrong with you guys?
70
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,434
Well, at first I wanted
to screw with you,
71
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:07,634
but then I realized,
the more I say I like it,
72
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:09,701
the more it stays on his face.
73
00:03:09,701 --> 00:03:11,767
And keeps on giving.
Yes.
74
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:13,567
I can't believe you guys
didn't abuse him.
75
00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,567
One time I wore a black
and white striped shirt,
76
00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:17,234
I never heard the end of it.
Oh, my God,
77
00:03:17,234 --> 00:03:20,367
I ran into the Hamburglar
and he's still mad about that.
78
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,667
I'm not even wearing it.
79
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,868
Don't you have a football
game you gotta go referee?
80
00:03:24,868 --> 00:03:26,200
It was a month ago.
81
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,267
You can't tell time,
you're a zebra.
82
00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:32,667
Hey.
83
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,534
Okay, don't make plans
for Saturday night.
84
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:36,567
Jackie and Brad
invited us to dinner.
85
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,901
Oh, I thought you were
so anti-double date.
86
00:03:38,901 --> 00:03:41,033
Yeah, he usually he is,
but this works out great.
87
00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:43,334
Jeff gets along with Brad,
and I get along with Jackie.
88
00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:46,033
Yeah, the loophole
is it's two dudes, so...
89
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:49,267
You know, I just realized, Brad
is black and Jackie's white.
90
00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:52,300
Now what garment
does that bring to mind?
91
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,067
Ah, all right, hey,
Scooch.
92
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,133
Did you give the patch
a little comb through?
93
00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:02,400
Little bit.
94
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,968
I didn't think you
could improve it.
95
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:05,968
But you did.
96
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:13,601
♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you"? ♪
97
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,000
♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪
98
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,834
♪ With you by my side ♪
99
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:23,934
♪ There is no denyin' ♪
100
00:04:23,934 --> 00:04:27,634
♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪
101
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,701
All right,
102
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:40,167
thank you for the coffee,
Dr. Leib, Medicine Woman.
103
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:42,767
I wasn't sure,
how do you take your coffee?
104
00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:45,801
Orally. Heh, heh.
105
00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:47,467
You do that a lot.
106
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:49,033
Oh, yeah,
I've heard that before:
107
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:51,701
I use humor as a shield,
blah, blah, blah.
108
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:53,801
You do,
but I've also noticed that
109
00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:55,434
often when you say
something funny,
110
00:04:55,434 --> 00:04:57,701
you punctuate it with
a little "heh, heh."
111
00:04:57,701 --> 00:05:00,367
What is that, like, a thing?
112
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,834
It could be a defense mechanism
113
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,601
to prevent others
from judging you.
114
00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:06,367
Or perhaps a holdover
from childhood,
115
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,968
to fill the silence
when your parents
116
00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:09,300
didn't appreciate your humor.
117
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,701
Yeah, they didn't.
118
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,133
And I was funny.
119
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:14,133
I was like Richard Pryor
around that house,
120
00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:18,067
except smaller and a little
whiter, heh, heh.
121
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,667
Oh, my God.
122
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:22,667
I am so sorry, I didn't mean
to make you self-conscious.
123
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:25,567
No, it actually feels good to
learn something about myself.
124
00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:28,067
I should make an appointment,
so you can get me on the couch.
125
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:30,167
Well, that wouldn't be ethical.
126
00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:33,067
You and I already have
a personal relationship.
127
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:36,300
Yeah, and speaking of which,
when do I get you on the couch?
128
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,167
Hopefully soon.
129
00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:40,400
What do you mean "hopefully"?
It's up to you.
130
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,934
Still, it's too bad you can't
see me as a patient.
131
00:05:42,934 --> 00:05:45,567
I bet you could figure out
why I wet the bed till I was 15.
132
00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:49,601
Heh, heh.
133
00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:57,100
What if Ellen's
the first psychiatrist
134
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,634
who can answer
all my questions:
135
00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:01,200
Why do I objectify women?
136
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,767
Why do I never get
to know them as people,
137
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:07,767
merely as accessories
to meaningless sex?
138
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,000
So become a patient.
139
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,434
I'd rather nail her.
140
00:06:12,434 --> 00:06:14,968
Sorry I'm late,
Mr. Dunbar.
141
00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:16,267
As per your request,
142
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:19,033
I attended the sexual harassment
seminar in your stead.
143
00:06:19,033 --> 00:06:22,901
Who ran it, that hot piece from
personnel with the sweet muffin?
144
00:06:22,901 --> 00:06:25,901
Ah, someone's gotta nail that.
145
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:27,968
Okay, I will. Heh, heh.
146
00:06:29,467 --> 00:06:31,901
If there's nothing else, sir.
147
00:06:31,901 --> 00:06:34,934
There is. Um, Timmy,
148
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:38,701
I need you to start
seeing a psychiatrist.
149
00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:40,300
As me.
150
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,234
I'm sorry?
151
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:44,934
I'm sorry for you too, Timmy.
152
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,767
You're asking me
to pretend I'm you
153
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,200
and see a psychiatrist?
154
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,033
I must say, sir, I'm not at all
comfortable with that.
155
00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:55,868
God, I wish that
meant something to me.
156
00:06:55,868 --> 00:06:57,901
What would make a person ask
another person
157
00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,367
to do something like this?
158
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:03,100
Good question. Why don't you ask
that when you go see her.
159
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,267
Sir, when I first arrived here
160
00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:08,000
you promised that I would be
making valuable contacts.
161
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,100
Thus far, the only additions to
my Rolodex
162
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:12,968
are a bail bondsman, several
straight-to-video actresses,
163
00:07:12,968 --> 00:07:15,968
and a high-end
children's shoe store.
164
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,534
Timmy,
I promised you advancement,
165
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:19,601
but that doesn't come
without responsibility.
166
00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:20,834
But, sir, I...
Timmy.
167
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:23,701
You're so close,
168
00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:27,167
I'd hate to see you
throw it all away now.
169
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,767
I'll make the appointment, sir.
170
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,300
There you go.
171
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,467
Hey, and can you give
a call in to 'Lil Piggy's
172
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,701
and see if my wingtips
are in yet.
173
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:43,434
So I'm one minute
into Project Runway,
174
00:07:43,434 --> 00:07:45,000
when all of a sudden
the screen fills
175
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,267
with a bunch of sweaty boys
chasing a ball.
176
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,801
It was the
Knicks-Celtics game.
177
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,300
I didn't know he was recording.
178
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,601
God, I know how you feel.
179
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:52,901
Jeff cancelled one of my shows
180
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:54,467
to record an operation.
181
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:55,567
Oh.
182
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,868
It was a breast augmentation.
183
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:02,367
Ooh, short ribs. Mm, mm.
184
00:08:02,367 --> 00:08:04,901
Love at first bite.
Anyway, where was I?
185
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,434
Recapping your riveting
Project Runway disaster.
186
00:08:07,434 --> 00:08:09,534
Well, it was a disaster,
it was the finale.
187
00:08:09,534 --> 00:08:12,367
Mm. Heaven on a fork.
188
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,834
So I call up Heidi Klum
we're like this, right?
189
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,834
Who is, by the way,
the tallest person
190
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,534
of the entire planet.
191
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,467
Oh, this is us.
192
00:08:24,467 --> 00:08:26,834
Oh, boo.
This was too fun.
193
00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:28,701
I know, let's do it again
tomorrow night.
194
00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:30,267
You guys available?
Totally.
195
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,267
I'll call you mañana.
We'll watch The View
196
00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:34,234
together on the phone.
I love it.
197
00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:35,667
See you, Brad.
See you, Jeff.
198
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:38,467
Bye.
Bye-bye.
199
00:08:40,367 --> 00:08:42,200
Hey, Jeff, you wanna sit back
here with me?
200
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,834
What are we, newlyweds?
201
00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:47,167
God, that was fun.
202
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:49,033
Jackie is a riot.
203
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:50,601
Never again.
204
00:08:50,601 --> 00:08:53,167
Oh, here we go.
What did he do?
205
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:55,067
You didn't see it?
He took food off my plate.
206
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,968
Oh, calm down. Look, I know
this might sound crazy to you,
207
00:08:57,968 --> 00:09:00,200
but most people are actually
okay with sharing.
208
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,267
Well, I'm not.
209
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:04,267
How do you
line up on this, Eyob?
210
00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:05,934
Oh, I come from Ethiopia,
211
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:08,701
where all meals are communal.
Everyone shares everything.
212
00:09:08,701 --> 00:09:10,200
Right. So you left.
213
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,000
I left because
of political persecution.
214
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,167
Still, you couldn't have
loved the food thing.
215
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:18,400
And you had to go invite 'em
for another dinner.
216
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,234
Yes, because I like Jackie.
217
00:09:20,234 --> 00:09:22,634
We're becoming
really good friends.
218
00:09:22,634 --> 00:09:24,167
Fine.
Then I will talk to him,
219
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:25,968
lay down some
ground rules before dinner.
220
00:09:25,968 --> 00:09:28,167
No, no and no.
221
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,167
Know how many potential
friendships I've lost
222
00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:31,534
because of your "ground rules"?
223
00:09:31,534 --> 00:09:32,934
Name one.
The Millers.
224
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:36,033
That wasn't my fault.
He kept interrupting me.
225
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,567
Oh, and what about
the Whitmans?
226
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:39,667
You take both armrests
in a movie theater,
227
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,534
you're gonna hear from me.
228
00:09:41,534 --> 00:09:44,367
Jeff, all I know is you open
your mouth, I lose friends.
229
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,200
So you're not
gonna talk to Jackie.
230
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,501
Fine, then you tell him.
231
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:49,834
No, no, he's very sensitive
to criticism.
232
00:09:49,834 --> 00:09:52,801
Brad told me he once made a tiny
comment about the paint color
233
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,567
Jackie chose for the living
room. Jackie had a hissy fit.
234
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,200
So you will just deal with it.
235
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,033
Well, you believe this?
236
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,834
I gotta go out with a guy
who violated my meal.
237
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:05,934
Uh, sorry, it's hard for me
to be objective
238
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:09,133
since you are sitting
on my sandwich.
239
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,300
All right,
start with my childhood.
240
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,501
Emphasize how much it hurt
when those awful kids
241
00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:20,901
called you "albino,"
242
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:22,300
because of your pale skin
243
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,634
and your blonde, white hair.
244
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:28,234
And you see no flaw
in that plan?
245
00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:31,033
Dude, this might be the dumbest
thing I've ever seen you do.
246
00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:33,934
And I saw you try to forge
a gynecology license.
247
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,133
Dude, I'm trying to find out
why I do stuff like that.
248
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:37,501
All right,
now self-image.
249
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:39,000
Now, I know I'm not short,
250
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,234
but why do I occasionally feel
251
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:44,234
inadequate about
my perfectly average height?
252
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:47,734
You are short.
It's a fact.
253
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,234
Oh, look at this guy,
he's telling
254
00:10:49,234 --> 00:10:52,267
a semi-licensed gynecologist
what a fact is.
255
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,467
All right, and whenever
I score with a babe,
256
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:57,434
I immediately wanna leave.
So the question is:
257
00:10:57,434 --> 00:11:01,434
What's wrong with her
that makes me wanna do that?
258
00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:03,601
Hey, Adam, you've got
some, uh, powdered sugar...
259
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:04,767
Mm.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
260
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:07,267
You know what?
That looks cool.
261
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,267
You should bleach it.
262
00:11:09,267 --> 00:11:13,367
Oh, that'll be fierce.
263
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,033
You just said "fierce"?
264
00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,901
Dude, that's cool.
265
00:11:21,167 --> 00:11:22,934
Hey, Aud. You up?
266
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:24,100
What's wrong?
267
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,167
Nothing. I figured out
how to stop Jackie
268
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,634
from stealing my food again.
269
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:30,501
Jeff, you are not gonna talk...
270
00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,968
No, without saying
anything to him.
271
00:11:32,968 --> 00:11:35,434
Look, step one:
We invite Adam and Jen.
272
00:11:35,434 --> 00:11:37,634
I realized we need to throw
bodies at this thing.
273
00:11:37,634 --> 00:11:39,901
Here's the seating chart.
274
00:11:39,901 --> 00:11:41,000
I'm here,
275
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,701
Adam, you, Jen, Brad,
276
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,000
meat thief, way over here.
277
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,701
He goes left, boom.
It's you and Adam.
278
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:49,501
He goes right, boom.
Brad and Jen.
279
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,501
Directly across?
Can't reach.
280
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,567
Sorry, Jackie.
281
00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:55,901
You lose.
282
00:12:02,234 --> 00:12:05,400
I wonder if my high school
boyfriend is still listed?
283
00:12:12,567 --> 00:12:15,067
So as an adolescent,
284
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,834
you masturbated so chronically
285
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:20,734
that your parents had you
fitted for sandpaper mittens?
286
00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:23,534
Evidently.
287
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,067
And how did that make you feel?
288
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:28,734
The word "humiliated"
barely scratches the surface.
289
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:32,033
If I may, I'd like to talk
about your breast-feeding.
290
00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:34,100
Must we?
291
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,767
At what age did you stop?
292
00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:38,567
I'll need to check that.
293
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:40,434
I made a few notes
prior to our session.
294
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:41,767
Oh. Here we go.
295
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,634
Uh, stopped breast-feeding
at age 7.
296
00:12:43,634 --> 00:12:45,734
Oh, dear God.
297
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:49,434
And how did that make you feel?
298
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:52,200
I really wish you'd stop
asking me that.
299
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,467
I don't say this
to many patients,
300
00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:56,501
but I give you so much credit
301
00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:58,567
for just getting out of bed
in the morning.
302
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:03,467
It is becoming
increasingly difficult.
303
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:08,267
Hey, I just had an idea,
304
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:12,634
how about, uh, Audrey, Adam,
Jeff, Jackie, Jen, Brad and me.
305
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,300
Wow, look at you,
man with a plan.
306
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,767
Yeah, I was up all night
thinking about it.
307
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,934
Problem solved.
308
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,534
Oh, wow, you know, eventually,
I'm actually gonna
309
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:27,033
pull the muscles
that control eye-rolling.
310
00:13:27,033 --> 00:13:29,701
Now, what would you say
is the worst thing
311
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:32,033
you've ever done, in an attempt
to sleep with a woman?
312
00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:33,801
May I consult my notes again?
313
00:13:33,801 --> 00:13:35,434
Sure.
314
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:43,567
I'm sorry. We're out of time.
315
00:13:45,501 --> 00:13:47,901
No, we have 20 minutes left.
316
00:13:47,901 --> 00:13:49,767
So please, the worst thing
you've ever done
317
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,534
to sleep with a woman?
318
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,467
I'm not sure
I can say this out loud.
319
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,434
It's okay, I'll...
I'll just read it.
320
00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:01,033
Thank you.
321
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,534
I think we're out of time.
322
00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:11,400
Everything looks so good.
323
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,300
He couldn't reach
across this table
324
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:16,033
if he had extendable
robot arms.
325
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:18,868
Oh, wow, th-they really
are starting to hurt.
326
00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:20,701
And, finally,
the Mongolian beef.
327
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:22,701
I ordered that.
Right here, my friend.
328
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,801
Oh, the tofu looks great.
329
00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:26,300
It does,
I should've ordered that.
330
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,467
Doesn't matter,
we're all sharing anyway.
331
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,167
Not all of us.
332
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:32,868
That's what's great about
this place. It's family style.
333
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:34,067
Get it while it's hot.
334
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:42,100
Here's something that I had
hoped never to say
335
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,200
to the person I'm gonna marry:
336
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,400
Honey, you have a little rice
in your soul patch.
337
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,701
Easy on the patch, all right.
338
00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:49,400
You're the only one
who doesn't like it.
339
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,968
No,
you're the only one who does.
340
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,567
Oh, yeah? Let's ask Jackie.
341
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,267
He works in fashion.
Jackie,
342
00:14:55,267 --> 00:14:57,634
what do you think
of this bad boy, huh?
343
00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,667
Well, you know,
Brad's always telling me
344
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:03,567
I need to work on keeping
my opinion to myself. So...
345
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:06,167
What? You don't like it?
346
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:08,467
Well, you know, I just...
347
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:11,868
No, it's okay,
Jackie, tell him.
348
00:15:11,868 --> 00:15:13,367
Okay.
349
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:15,100
What's out?
Soul patches.
350
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,334
What's in?
Not having soul patches.
351
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,534
Well, Jeff likes it.
352
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:23,033
No, no, I don't.
353
00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:24,734
See?
354
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:27,100
So no one thinks this is fierce?
355
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,400
Oh, my God, did you
just say "fierce"?
356
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:34,534
Thank you. Where were you
during his do-rag phase?
357
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,267
Oh, my God, I am so full
I can't have another bite.
358
00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:38,934
I surrender.
359
00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,601
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
360
00:15:40,601 --> 00:15:43,434
Look, don't say anything,
all right?
361
00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:45,100
I understand
your beef with Jackie...
362
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,734
I had no beef with Jackie.
363
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,767
That's the problem.
364
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:53,534
Mm. Hey,
there's my alter-ego.
365
00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:56,434
All right, tell me everything.
366
00:15:58,701 --> 00:16:01,334
You're "wildly sociopathic,
367
00:16:01,334 --> 00:16:02,968
"with hypersexual tendencies.
368
00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:04,868
"You suffer from
both megalomania
369
00:16:04,868 --> 00:16:06,367
"and a Napoleon complex.
370
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:10,367
And you should ideally
never be left unsupervised."
371
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:12,868
That's good stuff.
372
00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:15,100
Keep it coming.
When's our next session?
373
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,067
Please don't make me
go back for more, sir.
374
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,100
But I wanna be cured.
375
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,601
There is no cure
376
00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:24,934
for what you've got.
377
00:16:24,934 --> 00:16:26,701
Apparently,
your best hope is to try
378
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:28,934
to get out in front of it
pharmaceutically, sir.
379
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:30,367
Oh, sweet, meds!
380
00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:31,834
Here, give me.
Actually,
381
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:33,634
since I'm the one
who endured the trauma,
382
00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,767
I do feel I'm going
to need them.
383
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:37,601
Nerts, Timmy.
384
00:16:37,601 --> 00:16:39,334
My psychoses, my pills.
385
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:40,934
Come on, come on, come on.
386
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,434
There you go.
387
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:45,234
But I don't see how I'm going
to be able to sleep tonight.
388
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:47,901
Or any night, for that matter.
389
00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:50,701
All right, you big baby,
there you go.
390
00:16:50,701 --> 00:16:51,901
It does say to take three.
391
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,834
Heh, heh, drink with it,
you'll be fine.
392
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,834
All finished?
God, yes. Take it away,
393
00:16:57,834 --> 00:16:59,968
I can't look at it
another minute.
394
00:16:59,968 --> 00:17:01,634
Oh, before I forget,
395
00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:04,868
we have box seats for Cher next
month. Who wants in?
396
00:17:04,868 --> 00:17:06,567
We're flying to AC.
397
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,467
Really?
Just for the concert?
398
00:17:08,467 --> 00:17:10,033
Jackie's a huge fan of Cher.
399
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:14,501
Ironic. He's not
a fan of share-ing.
400
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,033
What was that?
Nothing,
401
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:17,701
Jeff's just being silly.
402
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,767
He's wasted again.
403
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,834
No, h-he said I'm not
a fan of sharing.
404
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:24,534
What did you mean?
405
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:27,868
It's just that you took
a lot of the Mongolian Beef,
406
00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:29,234
and I ended up with none.
407
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:35,667
Why didn't you
say something, dummy?
408
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:37,300
It's not a big deal.
409
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:38,400
It is a big deal.
410
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,667
I'm so sorry.
411
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,267
I get caught up
in the conversation,
412
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:43,567
I forget that I'm sucking down
everybody's food.
413
00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:45,167
Excuse me,
can we get another order
414
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:47,334
of Mongolian Beef
over here, pronto.
415
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,033
I'll put that in right away.
416
00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:50,667
Next time, just speak up.
417
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:54,234
I may have porcelain skin,
but I'm not made of it.
418
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:55,734
Thanks, Jackie.
419
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,167
See, he took that like a champ.
420
00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:59,634
There was no hissy fit.
421
00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:01,367
Why would you think
I'd have a hissy fit?
422
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,834
It's just Audrey said...
423
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,234
Audrey?
424
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,400
It was just because of...
425
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,734
I just... I-I-I...
426
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,000
You wanna see a hissy, Audrey?
427
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,300
Talk about me behind my back.
428
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,367
Oh, that's right, you did.
429
00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:17,467
Jackie...
No, no,
430
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:18,968
I didn't mean...
Save it, Audrey.
431
00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:20,434
I thought we were friends.
432
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:22,067
Jackie, wait.
433
00:18:24,601 --> 00:18:28,234
Why don't you want us
to have friends?
434
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:35,167
I swear, this has
never happened before.
435
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:39,000
Are you sure there's
nothing else I can do?
436
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,100
Like what? I'm already
out of hand lotion.
437
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,767
You almost started
a fire down there.
438
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,767
I don't know
what's wrong with me.
439
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:49,834
Well, it could be any number of
things.
440
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,767
Stress, new medication...
441
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:55,367
New medication? Oh,
you gotta be kidding me.
442
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,067
It's okay.
443
00:18:57,067 --> 00:19:00,300
I have to confess, I'm not
quite in the mood anyway.
444
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,067
Really?
445
00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,534
I just took on this new client,
446
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:07,968
and I don't think
I can help him.
447
00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:09,501
You can't?
448
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,701
No, he's one of those people
449
00:19:11,701 --> 00:19:15,234
there's just no hope for.
450
00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:17,300
Not even a little bit?
451
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,167
No.
452
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:22,300
It's very upsetting.
453
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,501
Yes, it is.
454
00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:50,534
Oh, you got rid
of the soul patch.
455
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:53,167
Yeah, I shaved it off
a week ago.
456
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:56,868
Still, remember when he had it?
457
00:19:56,868 --> 00:19:59,367
Really, we're gonna
do this again?
458
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,467
You know, the ninth
fairway e-mailed me,
459
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:04,033
and it wants its divot back.
460
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,367
This doesn't
make sense anymore.
461
00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:08,734
The world's tiniest
plane called, yeah,
462
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:11,801
they wanna know if the runway
is clear for landing.
463
00:20:11,801 --> 00:20:13,467
Can we just move on?
464
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:15,968
A Brazilian porn star
left a message, she...
465
00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:17,634
I know what she
wants back, okay?
466
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,033
I don't have it anymore!
467
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,267
Hey.
Hey, guys.
468
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:25,801
Oh, guys, guys,
look what she's wearing.
469
00:20:25,801 --> 00:20:27,234
Oh, crap.
470
00:20:27,234 --> 00:20:29,133
Where you going?
471
00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,634
Did you double-park
your gondola?
34381
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