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1
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:03,735
Come on, kitty.
2
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,104
Come on down.
3
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,372
I'm not going to hurt you.
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,373
Come on, kitty.
5
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,974
Come on down.
6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,944
Not till you learn to keep
your hands to yourself!
7
00:00:15,166 --> 00:00:20,535
♪ Love, love, love, love ♪
8
00:00:20,570 --> 00:00:23,538
♪ Love, American Style ♪
9
00:00:23,573 --> 00:00:26,441
♪ Truer than the
red, white and blue ♪
10
00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:30,412
♪ Love, American Style ♪
11
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:36,285
♪ That's me and you ♪
12
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:40,289
♪ And on a star-spangled
night, my love ♪
13
00:00:40,324 --> 00:00:42,291
♪ You can rest ♪
14
00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:46,962
♪ You can rest your
head on my shoulder ♪
15
00:00:46,997 --> 00:00:52,567
♪ And by the dawn's
early light, my love ♪
16
00:00:52,602 --> 00:00:53,936
♪ I will defend ♪
17
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:58,307
♪ I will defend
your right to try ♪
18
00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:01,944
♪ Love, American Style ♪
19
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,912
♪ That's me and you. ♪
20
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,636
Tonight you will see
three separate views
21
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,159
of Love American Style:
22
00:01:18,195 --> 00:01:20,362
a sports fan, his troubled wife,
23
00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:21,875
and a lovely visitor
from the East,
24
00:01:21,899 --> 00:01:24,366
marriage, and hints
on how to save one,
25
00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,568
and our first story
about a good Samaritan
26
00:01:26,604 --> 00:01:30,338
and his understanding
wife called...
27
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,512
I'm telling you we
could save almost $40
28
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,580
if you fly with me.
29
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,793
We've been all
through that, Harry.
30
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:57,782
I just don't think
31
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,329
we should fly on the same plane.
32
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,798
You take the next flight,
and we'll meet at the hotel.
33
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,655
All right, dear.
34
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,001
Now, your ticket's
in this pocket
35
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,759
and your hotel
reservation is in this pocket.
36
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,261
It's the Plaza Hotel,
37
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,308
and I've written out
the exact directions.
38
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,909
You give them to the cab driver.
39
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,611
I'm sure the cab
driver knows the way.
40
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,368
He probably knows several ways.
41
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:17,518
Mine's the cheapest.
42
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:20,400
Honestly, sometimes
you treat me like a child.
43
00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:21,890
Oh, that's ridiculous.
44
00:02:21,926 --> 00:02:23,392
Now here's three dollars.
45
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:26,528
That's enough for a cab, a
magazine and a candy bar.
46
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,730
I'll probably be the
only full-grown man
47
00:02:28,765 --> 00:02:30,676
flying to New York with
three dollars in his pocket.
48
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,412
You're the only full-grown
man who can't be trusted
49
00:02:32,436 --> 00:02:34,080
with more than three
dollars in his pocket.
50
00:02:34,104 --> 00:02:35,971
Oh, Martha.
51
00:02:36,006 --> 00:02:37,467
Well, how about
that time in Cleveland
52
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,308
when you gave $200 to
that man with a sick horse?
53
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,693
I explained that to you.
54
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,894
It was a trained horse.
55
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,591
He used him in
his act on the stage.
56
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,893
He's probably trained
to run at Hialeah.
57
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,885
You're cynical, dear.
58
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,648
And you're warm,
generous and big-hearted.
59
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,416
It's the reason you
need a cynical wife
60
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,740
like me to protect you.
61
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,919
Well, I'd better run or I
won't get a good seat.
62
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,543
Well, I'll see you in New York.
63
00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,723
Good-bye, darling.
64
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,190
Oh, and don't sit
near the window.
65
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,258
Remember, you get dizzy.
66
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,815
Have a nice trip.
67
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,252
Flight 4 for Kansas
City and Chicago.
68
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:14,209
Flight 708 from San Francisco
now arriving at Gate 16.
69
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:38,366
Uh, miss?
70
00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:40,602
Miss?
71
00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:43,198
What seems to be the trouble?
72
00:03:44,508 --> 00:03:46,052
Are you sure you
don't want to tell me?
73
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:47,041
Maybe I can help.
74
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,944
Oh, you can't help me, Reverend.
75
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,681
Well, now don't be too sure.
76
00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:54,627
I've helped a lot of
people in my time.
77
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,285
After all, there's
nothing I can't...
78
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,369
we can't do.
79
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,907
Come on. Tell me, what is it?
80
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,475
I need money.
81
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,112
Money?
82
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,363
All I've got is $113
83
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:12,284
and it takes $152
to fly to New York
84
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,485
and my brother's
coming in from overseas
85
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,683
and I've just got to see him!
86
00:04:16,707 --> 00:04:20,675
Oh, well, then, that's a
shame. Tha-that's terrible.
87
00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:22,751
Well, I'd be glad to
lend you the money.
88
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,995
You would?
89
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,863
If I had it.
90
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,499
But unfortunately,
91
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:31,180
I'm a man of very limited
means at the moment.
92
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:37,008
Three dollars to be exact.
93
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,187
Say, wait a second.
94
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,089
How much did you say you had?
95
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,413
$113.
96
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:46,500
Well, why not if all it
takes is a little white lie?
97
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:47,881
What do you mean?
98
00:04:47,905 --> 00:04:51,639
Well, for $115 you could
fly with me as my wife.
99
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:54,309
All I'd have to do is
lend you two dollars,
100
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:55,543
You know, the family plan,
101
00:04:55,579 --> 00:04:57,546
you see?
102
00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:59,781
Gee.
103
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:14,563
Yeah, they said there'll
be three feet of snow
104
00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:16,098
in New York by tomorrow.
105
00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,967
Every eastbound plane is
grounded here in Chicago.
106
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:21,247
Something we
really didn't expect.
107
00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:23,705
Every room in this
hotel has been filled.
108
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,373
And you know something?
109
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,920
Some singles have
had to double up
110
00:05:26,944 --> 00:05:28,143
with strangers.
111
00:05:28,178 --> 00:05:30,912
But you people are
married, so you're lucky.
112
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:32,814
Right.
113
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,582
Very lucky.
114
00:05:34,618 --> 00:05:37,119
Well, this is the
heater over here,
115
00:05:37,154 --> 00:05:39,921
and the radio's right over
there and the TV's right here.
116
00:05:39,956 --> 00:05:40,989
You know, folks.
117
00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:42,868
I'm sure that the
planes will not be able
118
00:05:42,892 --> 00:05:44,326
to take off before 10:00.
119
00:05:44,361 --> 00:05:46,995
So I would suggest why don't
you stay in bed nice and cozy
120
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,563
and snuggle until we
121
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,131
call you, huh?
122
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,767
Thank you.
123
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,558
Well, sir, I guess
that will be all, sir?
124
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:04,929
Oh, oh, oh, uh...
125
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:05,930
Thank you.
126
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,415
Could I trouble you
for some change?
127
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,618
Change?
128
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:12,186
No trouble at all.
129
00:06:16,025 --> 00:06:17,145
Here's 25.
130
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:20,545
50.
131
00:06:21,931 --> 00:06:25,132
75?
132
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:30,455
You must be kidding.
133
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:31,857
Here's 20 cents for you.
134
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,025
I know how you
fellas depend on tips.
135
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,494
Not always.
136
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:40,298
Oh, uh, could I speak to
you privately for a minute?
137
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,510
Is it about the tip?
138
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,500
No, no, no.
139
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,203
I wonder if you
could do me a favor.
140
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,605
Could you bring up
another bed, please?
141
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,457
Another bed?
142
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:53,895
Shh! See, I can't
sleep with my wife.
143
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,814
There's a little problem.
144
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,655
Little problem?
145
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,324
I'll see what I
can do for you, sir.
146
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:15,400
Gee, Reverend, I sure
am sorry about this.
147
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,613
Oh, please.
148
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,103
No, really, I feel terrible.
149
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,605
You should have let me
tell them down at the desk.
150
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,118
They would have
rescinded your ticket.
151
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,676
Now look, there's
nothing to worry about.
152
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,410
This is all perfectly innocent.
153
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,848
Just two people who happen to
be occupying the same hotel room
154
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,366
for the night.
155
00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:33,902
Well.
156
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,888
All right.
157
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,957
Sure make me feel better.
158
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:42,794
Hey, wait till I tell
them I spent the night
159
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,246
in a hotel room with a reverend.
160
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:47,265
Who-who do you
think about telling?
161
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,733
Oh, you know, just the kids.
162
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:49,979
They'll think
it's really a kick.
163
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:50,969
Oh, now, now, now...
164
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,670
As a matter of fact,
165
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,072
do you know what this
would be just great for?
166
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,203
"The Most Unforgettable
Character I Ever Met."
167
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,360
Not the Reader's Digest.
168
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:03,265
Now we know that this
is all perfectly innocent.
169
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,544
But I think it'd be much better
170
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,347
if we just don't
mention it to anyone.
171
00:08:07,371 --> 00:08:08,703
Oh, yeah? To nobody?
172
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:09,949
Right.
173
00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:10,955
To nobody.
174
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,721
What about in confession?
175
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,757
Who's your confessor?
176
00:08:17,781 --> 00:08:19,997
Father Murphy, Saint Agnes.
177
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,883
Father Murphy? Well,
I play golf with him!
178
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,054
You mean I can't even
confess this to Father Murphy?
179
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:29,457
Well, there's nothing to...
180
00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:33,094
Well, follow your conscience.
181
00:08:36,532 --> 00:08:37,498
The Y.
182
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:38,600
What?
183
00:08:38,635 --> 00:08:40,802
The YMCA.
184
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:43,370
See, I can't ask
for a room here...
185
00:08:43,406 --> 00:08:47,575
Could you connect me with
the nearest YMCA, please?
186
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,844
Thank you.
187
00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:51,545
See, I can spend
the night over there,
188
00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:53,514
then I can sneak back
here in the morning
189
00:08:53,549 --> 00:08:55,249
and nobody will be the wiser.
190
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,963
Gee, Reverend, I
hate to have you go.
191
00:08:56,987 --> 00:09:00,254
Uh, YMCA?
192
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:04,391
Do you have a single
room for tonight?
193
00:09:04,427 --> 00:09:05,960
Oh, great.
194
00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:09,263
How much is that, please?
195
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,465
Oh, that much?
196
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:13,801
Don't you have anything cheaper?
197
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,709
Uh... uh, 80 cents.
198
00:09:21,745 --> 00:09:25,613
What mission?
199
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,481
Saul's?
200
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:29,450
On, on River Street?
201
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:34,055
Uh, well, uh, uh,
thanks just the same.
202
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:37,424
Their cheapest
room is four dollars.
203
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,204
Gee, Reverend, I don't see why
204
00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:40,506
you're getting so uptight
205
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:43,097
about staying in the
same room with me.
206
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,311
I mean, like you said,
it's all completely innocent.
207
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:50,271
I mean, first you tell me that
there's nothing wrong with it...
208
00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:52,185
and then you get
all nervous yourself.
209
00:09:52,209 --> 00:09:54,576
No, no, I'm not...
210
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,396
Y-you're absolutely right.
211
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,742
There's nothing to
get nervous about.
212
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,732
Of course.
213
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,333
Now, who's going
214
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,012
to take a shower
first, you or me?
215
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:06,014
S-shower? You want to
take a shower, don't you,
216
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:07,250
before we go to bed?
217
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,007
Oh, before we go to bed.
218
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,677
Uh, look, you take a shower
219
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,845
and I'll go out and
get some coffee,
220
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,847
and then I'll take a shower
221
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:20,017
and you get out of here
and get some coffee.
222
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:22,353
Okay.
223
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,217
Doesn't coffee keep
you awake at night?
224
00:10:24,241 --> 00:10:29,744
I-I-I have a feeling I won't be
doing much sleeping tonight.
225
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,669
Just a second.
226
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,654
Hi, Reverend.
227
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,888
I found this cot for you.
228
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,112
Oh, good, good. Yeah.
229
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:51,882
Just, uh, anyplace
right over here.
230
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,851
Oh, that's fine.
231
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,890
You folks do have a
problem, don't you?
232
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,660
I mean, I didn't realize it
was as serious as all that.
233
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,161
But this ought to solve it, huh?
234
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,241
Oh, yeah, this
is fine, thank you.
235
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,943
Can I come out now, Reverend?
236
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,250
Oh, yes, come on out.
237
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:14,005
Your wife called you "Reverend"?
238
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,236
Oh, everybody calls me Reverend.
239
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,178
Yeah? Even your kids?
240
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:24,049
We don't have any children.
241
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:29,003
I can understand that.
242
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,722
Well, Reverend, I
guess you're all set up.
243
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,036
Oh, uh...
244
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,359
just a second.
245
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,462
Oh, no, no, no,
no, like I told you,
246
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,198
that one big tip took
care of everything.
247
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,167
Pleasant dreams.
248
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,570
Thank you.
249
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,540
Well, I...
250
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,135
I guess this solves
our little problem.
251
00:11:52,395 --> 00:11:55,046
I'll take the cot and you
can have the bed, Reverend.
252
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,647
Oh, no, no, no, I insist.
253
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:59,016
I'll take the cot and
you take the bed.
254
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,787
Oh... well... okay.
255
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:26,560
Well, good night, Reverend.
256
00:12:26,596 --> 00:12:28,596
Good night, dear.
257
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:30,564
Uh, uh, Katie.
258
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,826
Oh!
259
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,464
There's nothing to
be nervous about now.
260
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,866
Oh, I'm not nervous.
261
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,145
I thought you were.
262
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,036
No, no, not in the least.
263
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,704
After all, this may look bad,
264
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,874
but there's nothing wrong here.
265
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,642
And our consciences are clear.
266
00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,261
This is all perfectly innocent.
267
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:04,715
You know it and I know it.
268
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:07,852
What's more
important, He knows it.
269
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,739
I'm not disturbed in the least.
270
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:14,893
As I say, this is all
perfectly innocent.
271
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,749
Harry? That's my wife!
272
00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:23,662
Harry?
273
00:13:23,686 --> 00:13:25,619
I'll be right there, dear.
274
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,126
Oh. Hello there.
275
00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,575
This lady says that
she's your wife, Reverend.
276
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:37,998
Yes, she is my wife.
277
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,000
Well!
278
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,387
I'm glad I'm not in your flock!
279
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,691
So... your plane was
grounded, too, huh?
280
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,258
Yes, they gave me
a room at the Savoy,
281
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,194
but I found out you were
here, so I came over.
282
00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:52,463
But I see they doubled
you up with someone, huh?
283
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,600
Yeah, they put us
in this double room.
284
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:56,635
Where is he?
285
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,680
Who?
286
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,370
Oh!
287
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,272
Well, uh...
288
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,402
in the bathroom.
289
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,726
Oh, all right.
290
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,162
Well, listen, I'll go
back to the Savoy,
291
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,092
and then I'll meet you for
breakfast in the morning, okay?
292
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,683
That'll be fine.
293
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:12,795
Uh...
294
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,331
have you still got
the three dollars?
295
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:19,023
No, I spent 20 cents for coffee.
296
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,608
I've got 60 cents left.
297
00:14:20,644 --> 00:14:22,010
60 cents?
298
00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:23,706
What did you do
with the other $2.40?
299
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:27,365
Well, I, uh... it's
kind of a long story.
300
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,733
I'll explain it to you tomorrow.
301
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,552
Good night, dear.
302
00:14:31,588 --> 00:14:33,321
Is your roommate nice?
303
00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,990
Oh, yes, nice enough.
304
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,859
Oh, a musician.
305
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,176
What's this?
306
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,544
He plays the guitar.
307
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,892
Oh, yes, yes, plays the guitar.
308
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,681
I don't know how well.
309
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,784
What's this, hair spray?
310
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,853
Yes, that's hair spray.
311
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,322
Is he a performer?
312
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,756
Well, I don't know.
313
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,303
See, it's just for one night.
314
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,322
It's none of my business.
315
00:14:56,346 --> 00:14:58,062
Lipstick.
316
00:15:00,283 --> 00:15:01,849
Lipstick.
317
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,686
I'd really like to meet this
roommate of yours, Harry.
318
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,972
Well..
319
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,352
Kind of a strange
thing happened.
320
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,520
Reverend.
321
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,077
Oh, uh, Katie.
322
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,578
Who is this, Harry?
323
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,614
Well, this is my wife.
324
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,250
No, no, no, that's ridiculous.
325
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:20,618
You're my wife.
326
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,731
This is my roommate.
327
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,804
Your roommate?
328
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,406
Yes.
329
00:15:25,442 --> 00:15:27,853
See, this is the girl I
wasn't telling you about.
330
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:31,044
Well, you see, a
strange thing happened.
331
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,664
I've already assumed that.
332
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,767
Look, Reverend,
why are you getting
333
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,368
all hung up on this double talk?
334
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:38,414
Why don't you just tell her
335
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,548
the truth?
336
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,666
She'd never believe it.
337
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,855
Why not?
338
00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:42,923
It's so simple.
339
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:44,258
Now look, Missus, um...
340
00:15:44,294 --> 00:15:45,926
Pickard. Right, Mrs. Pickard.
341
00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:48,329
Now I didn't have enough
money to go to New York
342
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,697
and I wanted to,
343
00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:51,544
so your husband took me
along as his wife, that's all.
344
00:15:51,568 --> 00:15:53,445
See? On the family plan.
345
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:56,003
Right, and we didn't know we'd
get grounded in a snowstorm.
346
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,551
Right, it's all
perfectly innocent.
347
00:15:58,575 --> 00:16:00,419
But I couldn't tell them
we weren't married,
348
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,421
so they put us in this room.
349
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,056
Look, if you'd given
me more money,
350
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,691
I would have
given it all to her,
351
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:06,958
and this never
would've happened.
352
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:09,028
All right, all right.
I believe you.
353
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:12,186
You do?
354
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,955
Yes, from any other man
it would sound ridiculous.
355
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:19,572
But from you, who gave $200
to a strange horse, it figures.
356
00:16:22,932 --> 00:16:25,633
Thank you, sweetheart.
357
00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:27,663
Well, what do we do now?
358
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,354
Well, I could go
back to the Savoy
359
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,251
or you could go to the Savoy.
360
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:33,975
Or you could, Harry.
361
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:36,043
And I suppose there are
a couple of other choices.
362
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,278
No, I'll go.
363
00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:38,924
That's the only one
that makes any sense.
364
00:16:38,948 --> 00:16:40,525
I'll just get my
things together.
365
00:16:40,549 --> 00:16:43,217
Oh, uh, do you
think they'll take me?
366
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,131
Oh, sure, just tell them
you're Mrs. Harry Pickard.
367
00:16:45,155 --> 00:16:47,388
You should be
used to that by now.
368
00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:53,027
Sorry, dear, I must
have given you
369
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:54,528
a couple of bad moments there.
370
00:16:54,563 --> 00:16:56,642
Oh, that's all right.
Forget it, dear.
371
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,177
I love you and I trust you
372
00:16:58,201 --> 00:16:59,211
and that's what counts.
373
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,501
I love you, too.
374
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,581
But from now on,
we fly together.
375
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,418
I speak to all strangers
and I carry the money.
376
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,375
Right.
377
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:09,744
Oh.
378
00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:17,167
Ten, 20, 30, 40...
379
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,186
and 50.
380
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,395
Are you proposing to me, Buzz?
381
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:35,286
No, I dropped my contact lens.
382
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,761
I like you, Lamar.
383
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,896
But you're so meek.
384
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,898
Just once, I'd like to see you
385
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,833
show some strength.
386
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,338
Lamar...
387
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,407
you're such an animal.
388
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,170
So in the middle
of the whole thing
389
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,451
she says, "Let's go
horseback riding."
390
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,575
I said, "Fine."
391
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,376
So at 3:30 this morning,
392
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,290
I'm horseback
riding around the fire
393
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,414
with a topless dancer.
394
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,616
How'd you get a horse
at 3:30 in the morning?
395
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,586
What a question...
"How'd I get a horse?"
396
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,099
"Where'd I get the
topless dancer?"
397
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,600
That's what you should ask.
398
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,990
Where did you get the horse?
399
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:49,193
She knew the
watchman at the stable.
400
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,629
Crazy dame, but wow.
401
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,224
Great. Absolutely great.
402
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,347
What's the matter,
Mel? You pooped out?
403
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:02,173
Yeah, in more ways than one.
404
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,774
I've had it, Herb.
405
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,293
My life is over.
406
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,190
What are you talking
about? You're a young man.
407
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,313
Yeah?
408
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,316
You know how old
I'll be next week?
409
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:14,868
35.
410
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,103
So what?
411
00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:17,321
I'm 42.
412
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:21,392
Yeah, you're 42 and alive.
413
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,811
I'm 35 and dead.
414
00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:27,681
What is it, Mrs.
Bailey? What's wrong?
415
00:19:27,717 --> 00:19:29,383
Oh, nothing.
416
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,485
Come on. Don't lie to me.
417
00:19:31,521 --> 00:19:32,765
I can feel it in your hair.
418
00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:35,289
It's full of anxiety.
419
00:19:35,324 --> 00:19:37,335
You're very sensitive, Marshall.
420
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,392
Call it hairdresser's intuition.
421
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,995
All right.
422
00:19:42,031 --> 00:19:44,899
I'll tell you what's wrong.
423
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,902
Next week my husband
will be 35 years old.
424
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,981
And it's really got him bugged.
425
00:19:50,005 --> 00:19:52,518
I mean, all he can
say is "three-five."
426
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:56,043
Three-five,
three-five, three-five.
427
00:19:56,079 --> 00:19:59,162
Ah, the danger age.
428
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,499
Yeah.
429
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,668
Can I tell you
something, Mrs. Bailey?
430
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,802
Sure.
431
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,637
I'm three-seven myself.
432
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:07,838
Are you really?
433
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:11,141
I would have taken
you for about 26.
434
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,609
Everybody does.
435
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,478
Thank you.
436
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,613
Thank you.
437
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,249
I don't know.
438
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,050
I sense something about Mel.
439
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,451
He's really changed.
440
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,288
I mean, it's as if he
thinks his life is over.
441
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,622
I know, I know.
442
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,369
Mercurial moods? Yeah.
443
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,404
Up one day, down
the next? Yeah, yeah.
444
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,461
Men.
445
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:34,565
That's why I never
could cut their heads.
446
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,662
Another ten years and I'm 45.
447
00:20:36,686 --> 00:20:38,402
Then 50 and the whole thing
448
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,638
is over, finished, kaput.
449
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,406
I've never even known life.
450
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,808
Well, what's life?
451
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,004
Going horseback riding
452
00:20:45,028 --> 00:20:47,106
at 3:30 in the morning
with a topless dancer.
453
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,162
That's life.
454
00:20:48,197 --> 00:20:50,798
Going underwear
shopping with a bunny.
455
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,232
That's life.
456
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,645
She wasn't really a bunny.
457
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,236
She was a college kid
who wanted to be a bunny.
458
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:57,637
That's close enough for me.
459
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,073
What do I do?
460
00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:00,574
I work hard all day,
461
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:02,576
come home and
fight with my wife.
462
00:21:02,611 --> 00:21:04,356
There's got to be more
to life than that, Herb.
463
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:07,097
So what do you want?
464
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,365
Know what I want?
465
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,767
For my 35th birthday?
466
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,151
No, what?
467
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,636
A divorce.
468
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,107
Come on now, Mrs. Bailey.
469
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,109
It's not as bad as all that.
470
00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:20,611
Now really.
471
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:28,385
I look ugly when I cry.
472
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:31,722
Oh, it's a good thing I
didn't get a facial today.
473
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:33,991
Well, stop it.
474
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,528
The dampness is going to
take the curl out of your hair.
475
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:40,041
We've been married
for ten years, Marshall.
476
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:42,165
Yes, and you'll be
married for ten more.
477
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,702
Just as bad as the first.
478
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:47,337
That's the way life is; things
don't change that much.
479
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,551
Oh, but we had a
good marriage, really.
480
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:52,442
It's only been
the last year or so.
481
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,912
Can I give you a piece
of advice, Mrs. Bailey?
482
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,213
Sure.
483
00:21:56,248 --> 00:21:58,215
All right, now
first, stop crying.
484
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,050
No more, no more.
485
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:01,451
Okay.
486
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:05,222
Now bend your head a little
so I can work on that part.
487
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,491
Now really, the thing to do
488
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:10,093
is to just take
things as they come.
489
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,596
You've got to ride
with the weather.
490
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:13,998
You must.
491
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:15,465
You must.
492
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,635
Because men... men go in phases
493
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,537
and it will pass.
494
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:21,717
But we're at the
breaking point now.
495
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:24,274
Well, then you've got to bend.
496
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:27,377
The willow never breaks,
but the oak breaks.
497
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:29,780
Because the oak stands
up against the wind.
498
00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:32,182
Yes, but the willow bends.
499
00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:34,685
Bends, it never breaks.
500
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,554
Now after a hurricane,
501
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:40,591
you find lots of broken
oaks, but only bent willows.
502
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:44,528
So my advice, Mrs. Bailey,
be a willow and bend,
503
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:46,747
not one of those ugly old oaks.
504
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,215
But what can I do, Marshall?
505
00:22:48,251 --> 00:22:50,211
All he wants to
do is fight with me.
506
00:22:50,236 --> 00:22:52,986
Don't fight back.
507
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,706
Don't fight back.
508
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,742
Make yourself into a wonderful,
509
00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:01,178
agreeable, attractive woman.
510
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,847
Now who could fight with that?
511
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:08,001
Listen, you can't just tell
her you want a divorce.
512
00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:10,070
I mean, after 15 years,
what are you going to do,
513
00:23:10,105 --> 00:23:12,868
just walk into the house and
say, "I want a divorce"? Yeah.
514
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,191
But you can't do that.
515
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,821
The poor woman
won't know what hit her.
516
00:23:15,845 --> 00:23:17,211
What should I do?
517
00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:20,731
Well, the graceful thing
to do is to start a big fight.
518
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:21,827
I mean a really big one.
519
00:23:21,851 --> 00:23:24,351
That way at least she
can look back and say,
520
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:27,388
"Yeah, that's what did it."
521
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,906
You're right.
522
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:30,908
A big fight.
523
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:34,144
I owe her that much.
524
00:23:34,179 --> 00:23:37,681
What do we fight about?
525
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:38,965
Meat loaf.
526
00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:40,200
Meat loaf?
527
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:42,119
Meat loaf.
528
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,954
Tonight's Thursday, right?
529
00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:47,190
Audrey makes meat
loaf every Thursday night.
530
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:49,860
And you're going to fight
over Audrey's meat loaf?
531
00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:51,095
You're right.
532
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,475
Audrey makes the worst
meat loaf in the world.
533
00:23:53,499 --> 00:23:55,210
She makes it dry.
She makes it chewy.
534
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,778
She knows I can't
stand it that way,
535
00:23:56,802 --> 00:23:57,946
but that's the way she makes it.
536
00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,570
But will she argue over it?
537
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:00,866
Are you kidding?
538
00:24:00,890 --> 00:24:02,756
Audrey thinks her meat loaf
539
00:24:02,791 --> 00:24:04,502
is God's gift to the kitchen.
540
00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:06,771
I'm free after tonight, Herb.
541
00:24:06,795 --> 00:24:07,995
Free.
542
00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,074
Tonight, meat loaf.
543
00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,564
Tomorrow, the world.
544
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,950
Well, good luck.
545
00:24:17,923 --> 00:24:19,203
Is that you, honey?
546
00:24:23,830 --> 00:24:25,929
Is that you, Audrey?
547
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,882
Hi.
548
00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:33,470
Oh, no, she don't.
549
00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:35,639
Dinner ready? I'm starved.
550
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,275
Will be in a few minutes.
551
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:44,081
How about a nice martini
while we're waiting?
552
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:52,489
What's that I smell?
553
00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:55,292
Oh, it's the new air freshener.
554
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,260
Like it?
555
00:24:57,296 --> 00:25:01,298
Smells like stale cigar
smoke in an aerosol can.
556
00:25:03,402 --> 00:25:04,835
You know something?
557
00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:07,137
You're right.
558
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,538
I am?
559
00:25:08,574 --> 00:25:09,773
Mm-hmm.
560
00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,369
I'm sorry, honey.
I'll open a window.
561
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,276
Are you trying to
start something?
562
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,800
No, honey.
563
00:25:19,835 --> 00:25:22,147
I understand: you're
tired and you're hungry.
564
00:25:22,171 --> 00:25:25,138
I'm not tired! And when
you bring out that meat loaf,
565
00:25:25,174 --> 00:25:27,508
I'll show you how
wide awake I really am.
566
00:25:27,543 --> 00:25:30,944
I have a surprise for
you tonight, honey.
567
00:25:32,348 --> 00:25:36,183
I've got a surprise for
you tonight, too, honey.
568
00:25:38,020 --> 00:25:39,753
Good old Thursday night.
569
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:41,521
Take the cover off.
570
00:25:41,556 --> 00:25:43,257
Not right away.
571
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:46,638
It's better if it steeps in its
own sauce for a little while.
572
00:25:46,662 --> 00:25:48,361
Steeps in its own sauce?
573
00:25:48,397 --> 00:25:51,932
What sauce? Honey, take it
easy. It'll just be a few seconds.
574
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:53,867
Yeah, but I want to get some.
575
00:25:53,903 --> 00:25:55,147
My goodness, you're impatient.
576
00:25:55,171 --> 00:25:56,447
You must be starved.
577
00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:57,704
That's it. I'm starved.
578
00:25:57,739 --> 00:25:59,779
Take the cover off. Okay.
579
00:26:03,179 --> 00:26:05,679
Meatballs and spaghetti?!
580
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:07,047
Your favorite.
581
00:26:07,099 --> 00:26:08,882
But I was counting on meat loaf!
582
00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:10,868
Well, I'll make that tomorrow.
583
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:12,831
I needed it tonight.
584
00:26:12,855 --> 00:26:14,488
Oh, Mel.
585
00:26:14,523 --> 00:26:16,590
I got a confession to make.
586
00:26:16,625 --> 00:26:20,227
I've known for a long time
that I make a lousy meat loaf.
587
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:22,012
You're just being kind.
588
00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:24,648
Yeah, well, I have a
confession to make, too.
589
00:26:24,683 --> 00:26:27,534
You also make lousy
meatballs and spaghetti!
590
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:28,986
I know.
591
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:31,471
Not nearly as good
as your mother's.
592
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:34,308
Well, if you're not willing
593
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:36,455
to stick up for your
meatballs and spaghetti,
594
00:26:36,479 --> 00:26:37,811
or your meat loaf,
595
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:40,147
then hear this.
596
00:26:40,182 --> 00:26:43,600
Your pudding is always lumpy!
597
00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:45,647
I was hoping you
didn't notice the lumps.
598
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:46,886
You're right.
599
00:26:46,922 --> 00:26:49,606
You're right. Nag, nag, nag.
600
00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:52,209
That's it, Audrey. I've had it.
601
00:26:52,244 --> 00:26:55,812
I can't take your carping
or your bickering any longer.
602
00:26:55,848 --> 00:26:57,431
I want a divorce!
603
00:27:00,169 --> 00:27:01,634
All right.
604
00:27:01,670 --> 00:27:04,071
Now, please, don't
start crying about it.
605
00:27:04,106 --> 00:27:07,874
I've got my mind made up,
and you're getting hysterical...
606
00:27:07,910 --> 00:27:09,743
What did you say?
607
00:27:09,778 --> 00:27:11,739
I said, all right, I'll
give you a divorce.
608
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:13,241
Now, sit down and
eat your spaghetti
609
00:27:13,265 --> 00:27:14,476
before it gets cold.
610
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,261
You're willing to give
me a divorce? You?
611
00:27:16,285 --> 00:27:17,534
Just like that?
612
00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:19,203
Me, just like that.
613
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:21,604
Why?
614
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,785
Honey, I'm just being agreeable.
615
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:26,276
Yeah, you've been
agreeable all night long.
616
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,378
What's the matter?
You sick or something?
617
00:27:28,413 --> 00:27:29,563
No.
618
00:27:29,598 --> 00:27:30,914
A little tired, perhaps.
619
00:27:30,949 --> 00:27:33,583
But not too tired to
rush into a divorce, right?
620
00:27:33,619 --> 00:27:35,935
Okay, Audrey,
621
00:27:35,971 --> 00:27:38,088
I'm no dummy.
622
00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:40,324
Give it to me straight.
623
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,026
Who is he?
624
00:27:42,061 --> 00:27:45,362
Who's who? Who's this guy
you're so anxious to divorce me for?
625
00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:47,759
Me divorce? What-what guy?
626
00:27:47,783 --> 00:27:50,562
You're the one who just asked
me for a divorce. Yeah, but I wasn't
627
00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:53,103
definite about it...
But boy, oh, boy,
628
00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:55,072
you sure were,
lady, you sure were.
629
00:27:55,107 --> 00:27:56,306
You're not fooling...
630
00:27:56,342 --> 00:27:58,408
Listen, I've got ten
years invested in you,
631
00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:00,777
and you're not gonna
dump me for some bum!
632
00:28:00,812 --> 00:28:02,991
What bum?! I don't
know, whoever he is.
633
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:05,415
Listen, I don't even
want to talk about it.
634
00:28:05,450 --> 00:28:07,985
Audrey, I'll tell you
what: let's forget it.
635
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:09,597
Let's forget the whole
thing ever happened.
636
00:28:09,621 --> 00:28:11,154
I'm willing to forget
the whole thing.
637
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,372
We'll start over.
638
00:28:12,407 --> 00:28:14,808
We'll go on a second
honeymoon, okay?
639
00:28:14,843 --> 00:28:18,111
Just... just promise me that
you'll never see that creep again.
640
00:28:18,147 --> 00:28:19,746
I promise.
641
00:28:21,183 --> 00:28:23,800
I'll get it, darling.
642
00:28:28,657 --> 00:28:30,290
Hello?
643
00:28:30,326 --> 00:28:32,236
Hello, Mrs. Bailey.
This is Marshall.
644
00:28:32,260 --> 00:28:34,144
Oh, hello, Marshall.
645
00:28:34,179 --> 00:28:36,146
Marshall?
646
00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,647
Marshall?!
647
00:28:37,683 --> 00:28:39,127
I hope I'm not
disturbing anything.
648
00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:41,284
I just thought I'd
buzz you and find out
649
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,619
how everything's working out.
650
00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:46,423
Oh, well, I can't talk to
you right now, Marshall.
651
00:28:46,459 --> 00:28:47,752
I understand.
652
00:28:47,776 --> 00:28:49,087
Your husband's there, isn't he?
653
00:28:49,111 --> 00:28:51,244
You bet he is, buster,
and I'm staying here!
654
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,647
So watch it, pal, and
stay away from my wife,
655
00:28:53,682 --> 00:28:55,065
or I'll knock your teeth out!
656
00:28:57,152 --> 00:29:01,087
That man is vicious!
657
00:29:01,122 --> 00:29:03,089
He hung up, the coward.
658
00:29:03,125 --> 00:29:05,091
That's it, Audrey.
659
00:29:05,127 --> 00:29:06,426
I'm taking you to Mexico City.
660
00:29:06,462 --> 00:29:09,095
Anywhere. Mexico City is fine.
661
00:29:09,131 --> 00:29:10,730
But you got to
try to forget him.
662
00:29:10,766 --> 00:29:12,766
Promise me you will
try to forget that guy.
663
00:29:12,801 --> 00:29:15,079
I'll try. Okay, I'll pick up
the tickets in the morning.
664
00:29:15,103 --> 00:29:16,703
I'll meet you back
here at the house.
665
00:29:16,738 --> 00:29:18,049
Check? Check.
666
00:29:18,073 --> 00:29:19,406
Wait a minute.
667
00:29:19,441 --> 00:29:20,974
I don't trust him.
668
00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:22,554
He's liable to come
sneaking around back here
669
00:29:22,578 --> 00:29:23,843
while I'm in town.
670
00:29:23,879 --> 00:29:25,457
You're coming to town with
me tomorrow morning, okay?
671
00:29:25,481 --> 00:29:27,459
Anything you say, darling.
672
00:29:27,483 --> 00:29:28,715
Listen, while we're in town,
673
00:29:28,750 --> 00:29:30,817
stop in at a beauty
parlor, have your hair done.
674
00:29:30,853 --> 00:29:33,887
But I just got... Huh?
What'd you say?
675
00:29:33,922 --> 00:29:36,723
It's a wonderful idea, honey.
676
00:29:39,528 --> 00:29:41,127
Thank you.
677
00:29:41,162 --> 00:29:43,597
It's all right.
678
00:29:51,406 --> 00:29:53,923
Mmm!
679
00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:55,759
Mmm...
680
00:30:03,769 --> 00:30:06,403
I'm a traveling salesman.
681
00:30:06,438 --> 00:30:09,072
And I'm a farmer's daughter.
682
00:30:09,108 --> 00:30:11,241
Yeah?
683
00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:13,837
Heard any good jokes lately?
684
00:30:18,534 --> 00:30:21,346
You really are a golf fanatic!
685
00:30:21,370 --> 00:30:23,303
I just want to play one round.
686
00:30:43,576 --> 00:30:45,576
SPORTSCASTER back to pass.
687
00:30:45,611 --> 00:30:46,810
Dolensky's open.
688
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:49,045
And he's got it heading
down the right sideline.
689
00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:53,383
Down the 42-yard line,
690
00:30:53,419 --> 00:30:56,353
and looks like the Tornados
are now on the move.
691
00:31:01,393 --> 00:31:03,071
They're lining up
without a huddle.
692
00:31:03,095 --> 00:31:05,662
It's second down... flipping
to left about three yards,
693
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,064
Evans to the right.
694
00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:09,916
There's the snap,
heating up again.
695
00:31:09,952 --> 00:31:12,669
Dolensky's open and
he's got it on the 30.
696
00:31:12,705 --> 00:31:14,504
Norman.
697
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:15,722
What? What?
698
00:31:15,757 --> 00:31:17,140
Norman.
699
00:31:17,175 --> 00:31:19,142
What?!
700
00:31:19,178 --> 00:31:20,960
Where are you going?
701
00:31:20,996 --> 00:31:21,828
I'm leaving.
702
00:31:21,864 --> 00:31:23,824
I can see that, but
where you going?
703
00:31:23,848 --> 00:31:24,731
Norman, I'm leaving you.
704
00:31:24,766 --> 00:31:26,083
You're kidding.
705
00:31:26,118 --> 00:31:27,334
Do I look like I'm kidding?
706
00:31:27,369 --> 00:31:28,418
You're not kidding.
707
00:31:29,371 --> 00:31:30,887
Vera, wait.
708
00:31:30,923 --> 00:31:32,889
I love you.
709
00:31:32,925 --> 00:31:35,392
Bull feathers.
710
00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:37,394
You don't love me.
711
00:31:37,429 --> 00:31:40,397
You love Arnold
Palmer, Wilt Chamberlain,
712
00:31:40,432 --> 00:31:41,898
and Harmon Killebrew.
713
00:31:41,934 --> 00:31:43,900
Harmon Killebrew.
714
00:31:43,936 --> 00:31:45,568
You love me.
715
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:47,570
I do. I love you. You love me.
716
00:31:47,605 --> 00:31:49,705
You love everything
on that boob tube,
717
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:52,375
that grunts, squeals, groans,
718
00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:54,127
kicks, bites, scratches,
719
00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:56,096
bats, bowls, or bounces.
720
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,544
Are you trying to tell
me you don't like sports?
721
00:31:59,568 --> 00:32:00,767
Me?
722
00:32:00,803 --> 00:32:02,435
I love sports.
723
00:32:02,470 --> 00:32:04,537
I'm the biggest
sport in this house.
724
00:32:04,573 --> 00:32:06,707
I'm your batting
practice pitcher,
725
00:32:06,742 --> 00:32:08,709
your tackling dummy,
726
00:32:08,744 --> 00:32:12,545
your human hockey puck!
727
00:32:12,581 --> 00:32:14,726
Vera, please, don't
go. I'm your husband.
728
00:32:14,750 --> 00:32:16,717
You're not a husband.
729
00:32:16,752 --> 00:32:19,052
You're a fan!
730
00:32:19,088 --> 00:32:21,054
Vera, wait till after this play.
731
00:32:21,090 --> 00:32:22,555
We'll talk it over.
732
00:32:22,591 --> 00:32:25,158
Vera!
733
00:32:25,194 --> 00:32:27,861
Leave the boy alone.
You can't stop him.
734
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:32,582
Vera!
735
00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:33,750
Come back!
736
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,785
There's a leak in
the front left tire.
737
00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:41,058
What is the very smart move?
738
00:32:41,093 --> 00:32:43,760
As Walker is a very
personal quarterback.
739
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,996
And this could mean
a flat pass, a look in
740
00:32:46,031 --> 00:32:47,397
or it could mean a keep.
741
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:49,277
Ram, by the way,
completed six out of eight
742
00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:50,633
in the first quarter.
743
00:32:50,669 --> 00:32:52,602
Walker starts the count.
744
00:32:53,855 --> 00:32:57,391
It's a handball for the
throw by Miller, but no gain.
745
00:32:57,426 --> 00:33:00,794
But Ethel, she's been
gone two weeks now.
746
00:33:00,829 --> 00:33:02,295
You're her best friend.
747
00:33:02,330 --> 00:33:05,298
If you don't know
where she is, who does?
748
00:33:05,333 --> 00:33:08,635
Look, in case you hear from her,
749
00:33:08,670 --> 00:33:10,804
will you, will you
tell her to call me up?
750
00:33:10,839 --> 00:33:12,773
But not during the game.
751
00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:20,414
Around the turn...
752
00:33:20,449 --> 00:33:22,465
it's Fairtree on top by one,
753
00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:24,718
but none a second
ahead Cantini...
754
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:28,388
it's Fairtree and Bananas...
755
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,556
In a minute,
they're in a stretch.
756
00:33:30,592 --> 00:33:33,393
Yeah, come on. Let's go.
757
00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:34,861
Come on. Let's get in there.
758
00:33:34,897 --> 00:33:36,045
Come on, ride.
759
00:33:36,081 --> 00:33:37,197
Ride, go!
760
00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:38,264
Come on, go!
761
00:33:38,299 --> 00:33:41,017
Go, you bum you.
762
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,985
All right.
763
00:33:53,331 --> 00:33:56,299
Uh, I think you want
the Yomomaro family
764
00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:57,533
down the street.
765
00:33:57,569 --> 00:33:59,569
It's, it's a place
with the yellow trim
766
00:33:59,604 --> 00:34:01,804
and the pagoda
birdhouse on the roof.
767
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:02,934
Norman-san,
768
00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:05,525
it is your Kyoko.
769
00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:09,562
Kyoko.
770
00:34:10,632 --> 00:34:12,849
Kyoko?
771
00:34:13,936 --> 00:34:16,035
Kyoko?
772
00:34:16,071 --> 00:34:18,499
Have I, have I changed so much?
773
00:34:18,523 --> 00:34:20,490
Kyoko.
774
00:34:20,526 --> 00:34:23,493
Holy Toledo.
775
00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:25,495
Kyoko!
776
00:34:25,531 --> 00:34:27,497
Oh.
777
00:34:27,533 --> 00:34:29,816
Oh, my, it's been
a long time, Kyoko.
778
00:34:29,852 --> 00:34:32,363
I have counted every hour.
779
00:34:32,387 --> 00:34:34,037
You did?
780
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,405
Gee, that's wonderful.
781
00:34:35,441 --> 00:34:37,407
Thanks, Kyoko.
782
00:34:37,443 --> 00:34:39,759
Oh, my.
783
00:34:39,794 --> 00:34:41,260
Holy Toledo.
784
00:34:41,296 --> 00:34:43,357
Um... will you ask me in?
785
00:34:43,381 --> 00:34:45,681
Will I... will I ask you in?
786
00:34:45,717 --> 00:34:47,918
Kyoko.
787
00:34:47,953 --> 00:34:49,653
I don't believe it.
788
00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:50,770
Kyoko.
789
00:35:02,134 --> 00:35:04,067
Kyoko.
790
00:35:05,904 --> 00:35:07,837
Kyoko?
791
00:35:22,137 --> 00:35:24,104
It keeps the house cool.
792
00:35:24,139 --> 00:35:25,605
This is, uh...
793
00:35:27,142 --> 00:35:29,109
It's usually a little
neater than this,
794
00:35:29,144 --> 00:35:30,777
but my, uh,
795
00:35:30,812 --> 00:35:33,746
my housekeeper
left unexpectedly.
796
00:35:34,949 --> 00:35:37,250
You are as I remember you,
797
00:35:37,286 --> 00:35:38,813
Norman. I am?
798
00:35:38,837 --> 00:35:40,102
You're kidding? I mean...
799
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,270
aw, come on.
800
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,772
Yeah?
801
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:44,323
Your eyes are the same.
802
00:35:44,358 --> 00:35:45,558
Well, so are yours.
803
00:35:45,594 --> 00:35:46,676
Both of them.
804
00:35:48,130 --> 00:35:49,829
Uh, would you...
805
00:35:51,165 --> 00:35:52,465
Domo.
806
00:35:58,273 --> 00:36:00,239
Well...
807
00:36:00,275 --> 00:36:02,241
well, Kyoko.
808
00:36:02,277 --> 00:36:05,244
What are you, uh...
809
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,080
what are you doing in, uh...
810
00:36:08,116 --> 00:36:10,211
in this, uh, part of town?
811
00:36:10,235 --> 00:36:12,735
Little vacation?
812
00:36:12,770 --> 00:36:15,121
You visiting your
relatives maybe?
813
00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:19,525
Scouting for the
Japanese baseball league?
814
00:36:19,561 --> 00:36:21,527
No.
815
00:36:21,563 --> 00:36:23,813
I have come to see you.
816
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,815
Me?
817
00:36:25,851 --> 00:36:27,817
All the way from Japan?
818
00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:29,819
Yes, Norman-san.
819
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:34,607
Do you recall the last words
you spoke to me when we parted?
820
00:36:34,643 --> 00:36:36,593
The last words?
821
00:36:37,962 --> 00:36:39,929
Well, it, uh...
822
00:36:39,964 --> 00:36:41,876
well, it could either be ohayo
823
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:43,044
or sayonara.
824
00:36:43,068 --> 00:36:44,646
I, you know, I could
never remember
825
00:36:44,670 --> 00:36:46,314
which was "hello" and
which was "good-bye."
826
00:36:46,338 --> 00:36:49,138
Well, you said...
827
00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:51,774
if I was ever in your country,
828
00:36:51,809 --> 00:36:53,259
I was to come to you.
829
00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:55,428
I said that?
830
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:57,430
I probably did.
831
00:36:57,465 --> 00:36:58,764
Oh, but who'd have figured?
832
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,778
I mean, not that I...
not that I didn't mean it.
833
00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:02,018
I mean I really meant it
834
00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:03,486
at the time.
835
00:37:03,522 --> 00:37:06,489
Look, Kyoko, how did
you find out where I lived?
836
00:37:06,525 --> 00:37:08,836
Uh, forget it. You found out.
837
00:37:08,860 --> 00:37:10,326
Uh...
838
00:37:10,362 --> 00:37:11,506
how do you, uh,
839
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,174
how do you like America so far?
840
00:37:13,198 --> 00:37:17,867
Oh... I like it much
better now, Sergeant.
841
00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:19,480
Well, I'm not a
sergeant anymore.
842
00:37:19,504 --> 00:37:21,649
I'm just, just a poor civilian
843
00:37:21,673 --> 00:37:23,205
in the hardware game.
844
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:29,362
Do you remember the happy
days we spent together?
845
00:37:31,466 --> 00:37:33,386
The nights weren't
too bad either.
846
00:37:37,689 --> 00:37:40,339
I brought this one for you.
847
00:37:40,374 --> 00:37:42,619
Oh, one of them
crooked trees, huh?
848
00:37:42,643 --> 00:37:45,028
It is from the garden of Tosun.
849
00:37:45,063 --> 00:37:46,629
Do you remember?
850
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:48,164
Garden of Tosun?
851
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,732
Yeah! Yeah!
852
00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:52,802
It was two blocks kitty-corner
from the soccer stadium.
853
00:37:52,838 --> 00:37:54,987
It is where we met.
854
00:37:55,023 --> 00:37:56,489
We met at the soccer stadium?
855
00:37:56,525 --> 00:37:59,158
No. The garden of Tosun.
856
00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:00,793
That's right.
857
00:38:00,829 --> 00:38:03,029
You were having tea
with that funny little guy.
858
00:38:03,065 --> 00:38:05,681
That's my father.
859
00:38:05,716 --> 00:38:07,233
Wonderful fella.
860
00:38:07,268 --> 00:38:09,335
Oh, he was a wonderful fella.
861
00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:11,248
Especially when he get
got a little sake in him.
862
00:38:11,272 --> 00:38:14,274
Remember?
863
00:38:16,227 --> 00:38:18,189
Oh, by the way, would
you like a little something?
864
00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:20,546
Can I get you a
beer or a low-cal?
865
00:38:20,582 --> 00:38:23,015
No, thank you. Norman-san,
866
00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:25,351
I have something else for you.
867
00:38:25,387 --> 00:38:26,852
Yeah?
868
00:38:29,558 --> 00:38:31,291
Kimono.
869
00:38:31,326 --> 00:38:32,858
Do you remember?
870
00:38:32,894 --> 00:38:35,228
Let's see.
871
00:38:35,263 --> 00:38:39,799
"Logan, N. 36398774.
872
00:38:39,834 --> 00:38:41,568
No starch."
873
00:38:41,603 --> 00:38:43,169
It's mine, all right.
874
00:38:43,205 --> 00:38:44,748
Will you put it on, Norman?
875
00:38:44,772 --> 00:38:47,073
You mean now?
876
00:38:47,109 --> 00:38:49,387
I have long dreamed of it.
877
00:38:49,411 --> 00:38:51,077
You're kidding.
878
00:38:51,113 --> 00:38:54,314
You mean you dreamed of
me putting on my kimono?
879
00:38:54,349 --> 00:38:57,783
Yes. It would please
me very much.
880
00:38:57,819 --> 00:39:01,321
Well, I don't want to
blow a dream for you.
881
00:39:01,356 --> 00:39:04,124
Boy, the old kimono.
882
00:39:04,159 --> 00:39:08,294
I remember the first
time I put this thing on.
883
00:39:08,330 --> 00:39:10,763
Hey, still fits.
884
00:39:10,798 --> 00:39:12,665
Not bad.
885
00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:15,435
Not bad. Not bad.
886
00:39:15,470 --> 00:39:17,348
Oh, Kiyoko, you
don't have to do that.
887
00:39:17,372 --> 00:39:18,538
Oh, I wish to.
888
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:20,339
The Japanese has a saying,
889
00:39:20,374 --> 00:39:23,109
"House of love
must be no less clean
890
00:39:23,144 --> 00:39:24,927
than house of lovers."
891
00:39:24,962 --> 00:39:29,015
Great. Look, while
you're cleaning up,
892
00:39:29,050 --> 00:39:31,984
I'll catch the hammer throw
finals on educational TV.
893
00:39:35,991 --> 00:39:38,302
And I don't know
about you viewers,
894
00:39:38,326 --> 00:39:41,293
but this is the most
exciting hammer throw finals
895
00:39:41,329 --> 00:39:43,630
I've ever been to.
896
00:39:43,665 --> 00:39:45,632
As I told you from
the beginning,
897
00:39:45,667 --> 00:39:49,435
the champion is
suffering from indigestion.
898
00:40:06,855 --> 00:40:09,000
What will we drink to this time?
899
00:40:09,024 --> 00:40:12,825
To old friends who
are not present.
900
00:40:12,861 --> 00:40:16,829
Uh, let's forget old friends
who are not present.
901
00:40:16,865 --> 00:40:19,999
How about we
drink to Disneyland?
902
00:40:20,035 --> 00:40:22,334
Kanpai. Kanpai.
903
00:40:26,741 --> 00:40:27,940
Norman?
904
00:40:27,976 --> 00:40:28,976
Yes?
905
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:30,376
Do you remember
906
00:40:30,412 --> 00:40:33,612
the thing you loved
best between us?
907
00:40:36,234 --> 00:40:38,100
What thing?
908
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,658
You like to walk
on the furniture?
909
00:40:50,682 --> 00:40:52,448
No, Norman.
910
00:40:54,919 --> 00:40:56,819
The old back massage.
911
00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:58,821
Would you like me to do it?
912
00:40:58,856 --> 00:40:59,967
Gee, I don't know.
913
00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:02,336
I don't know if I
can still take it.
914
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,920
Ah... for old times' sake.
915
00:41:09,734 --> 00:41:11,701
You ready? Yeah.
916
00:41:11,736 --> 00:41:15,237
All right, Kyoko, but watch
out for the kidney area.
917
00:41:22,196 --> 00:41:25,297
Oh, that's beautiful, Kyoko.
918
00:41:25,333 --> 00:41:26,465
Ah.
919
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:27,528
A little to the left.
920
00:41:27,552 --> 00:41:28,579
Eh, that's the spot.
921
00:41:28,603 --> 00:41:29,603
Ooh, ooh.
922
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:32,588
Oh, wait a minute.
923
00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:37,460
Kyoko, could you hand me
that clicker on the TV set?
924
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,411
That's it.
925
00:41:39,447 --> 00:41:41,998
The temperature's in the 70s
926
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:43,444
with a slight
breeze to the west.
927
00:41:43,468 --> 00:41:44,750
Just in time for the kickoff.
928
00:41:44,786 --> 00:41:47,970
All right, Kyoko, start walking.
929
00:41:51,642 --> 00:41:53,242
And here we go!
930
00:41:53,278 --> 00:41:55,310
Johnson's picking up.
931
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:58,897
You know, I think you
put on a couple of pounds.
932
00:42:06,658 --> 00:42:10,092
Oh, you know, Kyoko,
you got some feet.
933
00:42:17,068 --> 00:42:20,370
Hello, Norman.
934
00:42:20,405 --> 00:42:21,971
Hi.
935
00:42:25,610 --> 00:42:28,478
Oh... oh, hi.
936
00:42:29,514 --> 00:42:30,480
Hi.
937
00:42:30,515 --> 00:42:33,148
Uh... uh...
938
00:42:33,184 --> 00:42:36,586
Yeah, that, that's, uh... Kyoko.
939
00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:39,238
Uh, Kyoko, this is
my wife, um, uh...
940
00:42:39,273 --> 00:42:41,006
Vera.
941
00:42:41,042 --> 00:42:43,258
Oh, yeah, Vera, Vera.
942
00:42:43,294 --> 00:42:47,129
My wife Vera, this is, uh,
uh, Kyoko, my, uh, m-my...
943
00:42:47,164 --> 00:42:48,932
Your maid, I presume.
944
00:42:48,967 --> 00:42:50,850
No, no, no, of course.
945
00:42:50,885 --> 00:42:53,970
She's, uh, she's,
uh, my, my gardener.
946
00:42:54,005 --> 00:42:56,356
Oh, stop lying to me, Norman.
947
00:42:56,391 --> 00:42:58,874
Where did this Japanese
beetle come from?
948
00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:01,444
Vera, please,
remember your manners.
949
00:43:01,479 --> 00:43:03,980
I'll remember my manners;
you remember Pearl Harbor.
950
00:43:04,015 --> 00:43:05,142
Excuse me.
951
00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:06,977
I did not know you are married.
952
00:43:07,001 --> 00:43:08,201
How come you didn't tell her
953
00:43:08,236 --> 00:43:09,718
you were married, Norman?
954
00:43:09,754 --> 00:43:11,087
Well, I, I, I, I don't know.
955
00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,432
It just didn't come
up in conversation.
956
00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:13,456
That's all.
957
00:43:13,491 --> 00:43:14,940
Well, it just did.
958
00:43:14,976 --> 00:43:16,525
We're married. Comprende?
959
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,728
Oh, for crying out loud, Vera,
960
00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,313
she doesn't understand Spanish.
961
00:43:20,348 --> 00:43:22,948
So we're even. I don't
understand Japanese.
962
00:43:22,984 --> 00:43:24,450
How do you like this?
963
00:43:24,486 --> 00:43:26,519
I come home and find
you living with a stranger.
964
00:43:26,554 --> 00:43:27,520
She's not a stranger.
965
00:43:27,555 --> 00:43:28,799
What?! Uh, uh, uh, well,
966
00:43:28,823 --> 00:43:30,884
we knew each other when
I was stationed in Japan.
967
00:43:30,908 --> 00:43:33,075
What do you mean
"knew each other"?
968
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,376
Nothing, nothing.
969
00:43:34,411 --> 00:43:37,079
We, we just had a
little sukiyaki together.
970
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,514
Sukiyaki.
971
00:43:38,549 --> 00:43:40,415
Who are you kidding, Norman?
972
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:43,636
You can't even eat boiled
rice without an alkalizer.
973
00:43:43,671 --> 00:43:48,074
All right, all right, so we
had a few laughs in Japan.
974
00:43:48,109 --> 00:43:49,241
Big deal.
975
00:43:49,276 --> 00:43:50,243
We weren't married.
976
00:43:50,278 --> 00:43:51,638
I didn't even know you then.
977
00:43:51,662 --> 00:43:52,645
Excuse me.
978
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,948
Uh, I have no wish for trouble.
979
00:43:55,983 --> 00:43:59,819
I only meant to bring Norman,
you know, inner peace.
980
00:43:59,854 --> 00:44:00,820
Yeah, inner peace.
981
00:44:00,855 --> 00:44:01,820
That's it, Vera.
982
00:44:01,856 --> 00:44:02,922
Mm-hmm.
983
00:44:02,957 --> 00:44:04,423
Well, let me tell you something.
984
00:44:04,458 --> 00:44:06,926
The only inner peace
he's going to get is in jail
985
00:44:06,961 --> 00:44:08,761
when I nail him for bigamy,
986
00:44:08,797 --> 00:44:11,780
philandering, and...
fraternizing with the enemy.
987
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:13,999
Vera, you're hysterical.
988
00:44:14,035 --> 00:44:16,502
You're darn right
I'm hysterical.
989
00:44:16,538 --> 00:44:18,104
I come back to my own home
990
00:44:18,139 --> 00:44:20,857
and I find my husband
with a live-in geisha.
991
00:44:20,892 --> 00:44:22,191
She's not a geisha.
992
00:44:22,226 --> 00:44:24,376
How do you think that
makes me feel, Norman?
993
00:44:24,411 --> 00:44:26,645
I walk in here and
the first thing I see is
994
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,967
this barefoot kabuki doing
a tap-dance on your spine.
995
00:44:32,787 --> 00:44:34,904
I thought you had
bursitis, Norman.
996
00:44:34,939 --> 00:44:36,534
Well, that shows you
the way you listen.
997
00:44:36,558 --> 00:44:37,968
It's in my arm, not in my back.
998
00:44:37,992 --> 00:44:39,191
Excuse me.
999
00:44:39,226 --> 00:44:41,071
And you're going to throw
away our entire marriage
1000
00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,295
for this Asian floozy?
1001
00:44:43,398 --> 00:44:45,364
Just a minute.
1002
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:46,933
Just one minute.
1003
00:44:46,968 --> 00:44:50,202
You're the one who
walked out, not me.
1004
00:44:50,238 --> 00:44:51,670
Let me tell you something else.
1005
00:44:51,705 --> 00:44:53,105
It's a good thing...
1006
00:44:53,141 --> 00:44:55,641
It's a good thing she
came here when she did
1007
00:44:55,676 --> 00:44:57,910
because this whole house
would have been condemned
1008
00:44:57,946 --> 00:44:59,578
by the health department.
1009
00:44:59,613 --> 00:45:00,796
She keeps a great house.
1010
00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,499
So could I if you
didn't live here.
1011
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:05,435
Excuse me.
1012
00:45:05,470 --> 00:45:06,886
And you're so glad to see me,
1013
00:45:06,921 --> 00:45:08,587
you haven't even
picked up my suitcase.
1014
00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,589
Don't touch that suitcase.
1015
00:45:10,624 --> 00:45:14,726
I haven't decided yet
whether or not I'm gonna stay.
1016
00:45:14,762 --> 00:45:16,462
Norman?
1017
00:45:16,497 --> 00:45:17,863
Norman, where are you going?
1018
00:45:17,898 --> 00:45:20,299
Haven't you any decency at all?
1019
00:45:20,335 --> 00:45:22,201
We're a triangle.
1020
00:45:22,236 --> 00:45:24,703
People shoot each other
every day over things like this
1021
00:45:24,738 --> 00:45:27,506
and all you can think about
is your crummy football game.
1022
00:45:27,541 --> 00:45:29,186
That's the Honeydew
Bowl. I don't care
1023
00:45:29,210 --> 00:45:31,860
if it's the D.A.R. Olympics.
1024
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,506
Excuse me. If
you love this girl,
1025
00:45:33,530 --> 00:45:36,098
at least be a man and say so.
1026
00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:39,985
"In the spring,
1027
00:45:40,020 --> 00:45:43,523
your loveliness is
as the song of birds"?
1028
00:45:43,558 --> 00:45:46,008
You wrote that about her?
1029
00:45:46,043 --> 00:45:49,312
Huh? Oh, oh, no, no, she,
she wrote that about me.
1030
00:45:49,347 --> 00:45:50,662
Yuck.
1031
00:45:50,698 --> 00:45:51,859
Yuck yourself.
1032
00:45:51,883 --> 00:45:53,109
You could learn
something from this girl.
1033
00:45:53,133 --> 00:45:56,268
Maybe you'd like me
to walk on your back.
1034
00:45:56,304 --> 00:45:58,215
Don't knock it
till you've tried it.
1035
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,055
I'd love to.
1036
00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:02,125
With my golf shoes on.
1037
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,676
Oh, thank you.
1038
00:46:03,711 --> 00:46:04,977
Excuse me, I...
1039
00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:07,057
I tell you what I'm gonna
do with you, Norman.
1040
00:46:07,081 --> 00:46:09,426
You can have the girl,
but I'll take the house,
1041
00:46:09,450 --> 00:46:11,495
the car, the furniture,
and the TV set.
1042
00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:12,485
Don't touch
1043
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,730
that TV set.
1044
00:46:13,754 --> 00:46:16,355
Ah... I'm going
to bleed you dry.
1045
00:46:16,390 --> 00:46:17,956
And don't say
1046
00:46:17,991 --> 00:46:19,291
I didn't warn you.
1047
00:46:19,327 --> 00:46:23,278
You're getting into real
trouble now: mixed marriage.
1048
00:46:24,915 --> 00:46:26,860
I got news for you, Vera.
1049
00:46:26,884 --> 00:46:29,246
No marriage could be
more mixed than ours.
1050
00:46:29,270 --> 00:46:33,889
Excuse me, Norman-san,
why don't we...
1051
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:35,924
What'd she say?
1052
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:36,925
Ooh, "what'd she say?"
1053
00:46:36,961 --> 00:46:38,138
Don't get so excited.
1054
00:46:38,162 --> 00:46:39,974
All she said was
"Let's talk it over."
1055
00:46:39,998 --> 00:46:41,475
All right, who
wants to talk first?
1056
00:46:41,499 --> 00:46:42,465
Okay, I will.
1057
00:46:42,500 --> 00:46:43,743
Yeah, that figures.
1058
00:46:43,767 --> 00:46:46,035
Now, let's look at
it this way, Norman.
1059
00:46:46,070 --> 00:46:47,936
You're no prize package,
1060
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:49,999
but we've been married
for 13 years, right?
1061
00:46:50,023 --> 00:46:52,169
I thought it was 14 years.
1062
00:46:52,193 --> 00:46:54,026
What difference does it make?
1063
00:46:54,061 --> 00:46:56,778
The point is there was
something between us.
1064
00:46:56,814 --> 00:46:57,980
Oh, yeah.
1065
00:46:58,015 --> 00:46:59,109
Fights.
1066
00:46:59,133 --> 00:47:01,850
Sure, we fought, but
look what we built up:
1067
00:47:01,886 --> 00:47:06,822
this beautiful home,
beautiful furniture...
1068
00:47:06,857 --> 00:47:11,293
sterling silver, a car with a
new left front wheel and tire.
1069
00:47:13,381 --> 00:47:16,199
45 bucks, I knew it.
1070
00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:19,118
Get dressed, honey.
1071
00:47:19,153 --> 00:47:21,186
What can she do to top that?
1072
00:47:21,222 --> 00:47:25,391
I can give Norman
things of spirit...
1073
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:29,995
Tranquility, harmony,
a sense of poetry.
1074
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:31,897
The only poetry he knows is
1075
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:34,333
"There once was a
lady from Wooster,"
1076
00:47:34,369 --> 00:47:36,318
and he recites it
when he's smashed.
1077
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:38,754
When the labors of
the day wears him,
1078
00:47:38,789 --> 00:47:41,318
I will bathe his body.
1079
00:47:41,342 --> 00:47:43,442
I'll have a Bloody Mary
waiting in the front door
1080
00:47:43,477 --> 00:47:46,211
and he can bathe his own body.
1081
00:47:46,246 --> 00:47:47,313
Norman.
1082
00:47:47,348 --> 00:47:48,563
Norman!
1083
00:47:48,599 --> 00:47:49,798
Huh? Huh?
1084
00:47:49,833 --> 00:47:51,278
There seems to be
a little disagreement
1085
00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:53,735
as to which one of us
can do the best for you.
1086
00:47:53,771 --> 00:47:55,971
Uh, we'd like to hear
your views on the subject.
1087
00:47:56,007 --> 00:47:59,942
Uh, I-I don't know. It's a
tough decision to make.
1088
00:47:59,977 --> 00:48:01,310
You see the problem?
1089
00:48:01,345 --> 00:48:02,411
I shall change him.
1090
00:48:02,446 --> 00:48:03,412
Change him?
1091
00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,657
Honey, you're gonna have to walk
1092
00:48:04,681 --> 00:48:06,732
on more than his
back to change him.
1093
00:48:06,767 --> 00:48:09,635
You'll have to walk
all over his head.
1094
00:48:09,671 --> 00:48:11,604
Do you know what Norman likes?
1095
00:48:11,639 --> 00:48:13,272
I'll clue you in.
1096
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:16,676
He likes cheap cigars,
penny ante poker,
1097
00:48:16,711 --> 00:48:20,129
barbecued hot dogs, canned beer,
1098
00:48:20,164 --> 00:48:22,214
torn gym shoes...
1099
00:48:22,249 --> 00:48:23,460
And television.
1100
00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:26,018
Right.
1101
00:48:26,054 --> 00:48:27,086
Look at him.
1102
00:48:27,121 --> 00:48:29,455
A closed-circuit head
1103
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:32,591
on a solid-state body.
1104
00:48:32,627 --> 00:48:37,163
He turned his back on
us for the joys of football.
1105
00:48:37,198 --> 00:48:39,131
Oh, it's not only football.
1106
00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:40,299
It's baseball,
1107
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:42,834
basketball, curling,
1108
00:48:42,870 --> 00:48:46,255
sheep-shearing,
and shot-putting.
1109
00:48:46,291 --> 00:48:49,191
In my country, we have a saying.
1110
00:48:49,227 --> 00:48:53,296
"When the two robins
fight over a single worm,
1111
00:48:53,331 --> 00:48:58,234
it is perhaps the birds, not
the worm, who should turn."
1112
00:49:00,238 --> 00:49:03,538
Worm is right.
1113
00:49:03,574 --> 00:49:05,908
Come on. Get in.
Come on. Get in.
1114
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,542
Hey, what are you doing?!
1115
00:49:07,578 --> 00:49:09,177
It's in the middle of
a touchdown play!
1116
00:49:09,213 --> 00:49:10,724
You're just going to
have to take a minute out.
1117
00:49:10,748 --> 00:49:11,713
What?
1118
00:49:11,749 --> 00:49:13,949
Norman-san, I am leaving.
1119
00:49:13,985 --> 00:49:16,718
It is clear that you
have no need for me.
1120
00:49:16,754 --> 00:49:17,864
Or me either.
1121
00:49:17,888 --> 00:49:18,970
I'm going with her.
1122
00:49:19,006 --> 00:49:20,138
W-Wait a minute, girls.
1123
00:49:20,173 --> 00:49:21,385
Wait a minute. What
are you talking about?
1124
00:49:21,409 --> 00:49:23,052
W-W-Why can't
we talk it over, huh?
1125
00:49:23,076 --> 00:49:24,042
What do you say?
1126
00:49:24,077 --> 00:49:25,377
Sayonara.
1127
00:49:25,413 --> 00:49:28,079
Yeah, sayonara.
1128
00:49:28,115 --> 00:49:29,615
Sayonara?
1129
00:49:29,650 --> 00:49:32,210
What is that? Hello or good-bye?
1130
00:49:33,554 --> 00:49:35,687
It ain't hello.
1131
00:49:38,191 --> 00:49:42,160
He crosses the 35,
40, 45, across mid-field.
1132
00:49:42,195 --> 00:49:43,195
Great blocking.
1133
00:49:53,224 --> 00:49:55,140
Honey, honey.
1134
00:49:55,175 --> 00:49:56,709
I've gone to the analyst
1135
00:49:56,744 --> 00:49:59,278
and he's completely cured
me of all that's making me fickle.
1136
00:49:59,313 --> 00:50:00,646
I mean it.
1137
00:50:00,681 --> 00:50:03,482
I love you and I want you
to be Mrs. Lamar Nettleman.
1138
00:50:03,517 --> 00:50:05,451
Will you?
1139
00:50:09,156 --> 00:50:11,123
Lamar?
1140
00:50:11,158 --> 00:50:13,592
Lamar? Lamar?
1141
00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:18,614
Hi.
1142
00:50:18,649 --> 00:50:20,148
Can I see?
1143
00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:21,316
Oh, hello.
1144
00:50:21,352 --> 00:50:22,352
Ow!
1145
00:50:29,460 --> 00:50:33,028
I never did like
Rosemary's baby.
1146
00:50:58,523 --> 00:51:00,656
Touché.
77525
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