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♪ Love, love ♪
2
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:19,234
♪ Love, love ♪
3
00:00:19,303 --> 00:00:22,004
♪ Love, American Style ♪
4
00:00:22,072 --> 00:00:25,107
♪ Truer than the
red, white and blue ♪
5
00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:28,576
♪ Love, American Style ♪
6
00:00:28,645 --> 00:00:33,064
♪ That's me and you ♪
7
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ And on a star-spangled
night, my love ♪
8
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,088
♪ You can rest ♪
9
00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:44,743
♪ You can rest your
head on my shoulder ♪
10
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:50,749
♪ Or by the dawn's
early light, my love ♪
11
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,317
♪ I will defend ♪
12
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:56,755
♪ I will defend
your right to try ♪
13
00:00:56,823 --> 00:01:00,559
♪ Love, American Style ♪
14
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:03,328
♪ That's me and you. ♪
15
00:01:12,723 --> 00:01:14,100
Tonight, you will see
16
00:01:14,124 --> 00:01:17,192
three separate views
of love, American style:
17
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:20,729
young love, anxious
parents and the pill... the pill;
18
00:01:20,798 --> 00:01:22,742
a pool hustler,
a beautiful lady,
19
00:01:22,766 --> 00:01:25,400
and the games they
play; and our first story,
20
00:01:25,469 --> 00:01:28,704
about a ring, an engagement,
and a former marriage called:
21
00:01:43,821 --> 00:01:47,122
♪ Found myself a friend,
and the world looks fine ♪
22
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:50,325
♪ All my hang-ups
gone or on the decline ♪
23
00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:52,005
♪ Ain't it strange
how you change ♪
24
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:56,231
When you start to intertwine ♪
25
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,167
♪ With someone divine? ♪
26
00:01:59,236 --> 00:02:02,103
♪ Simpler forms of
life did not have a sex ♪
27
00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:05,607
♪ Isn't it a groove
bein' more complex? ♪
28
00:02:05,676 --> 00:02:11,379
♪ Yeah, for he and for she
and for people everywhere ♪
29
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,966
♪ Better by the pair ♪
30
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:21,039
♪ Things that can happen
when a girl meets a boy ♪
31
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,375
♪ Will blow your mind ♪
32
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,010
♪ Blow your mind ♪
33
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:28,913
♪ So cool it and enjoy ♪
34
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,482
♪ Find yourself a friend ♪
35
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,562
♪ And the world looks fine ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
36
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,631
♪ All your hang-ups
gone or on the decline ♪
37
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,823
♪ Use your heart, do your
part of the human race ♪
38
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,226
♪ Go on, go on, go on ♪
39
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,396
♪ Go on... ♪
40
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,196
Aggie.
41
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:47,232
How about, "Aggie, come in?"
42
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:50,101
Oh. Oh, yeah, of
course, c-come in.
43
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,903
Hey... not bad.
44
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,116
Not bad.
45
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,350
Where's the bed?
46
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,606
Never mind the bed.
47
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,442
What are you doing in New York?
48
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,856
Well, the Central High
School Glee Club is here
49
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,691
for a music festival,
and I'm chaperoning.
50
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,315
That's wonderful.
51
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:06,117
Uh, look, it's, uh, certainly
nice of you to drop by...
52
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,431
Wait a minute. I
want to see the bed.
53
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,372
Aggie, I got custody of the bed!
54
00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:14,259
Hey, still firm.
55
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:15,560
Yeah.
56
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,946
Okay, come on,
you've seen the bed.
57
00:03:18,015 --> 00:03:21,099
Hey, does it still make
that funny noise when...?
58
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,333
How should I know?
59
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,381
Oh, come on, we've been
divorced for two years.
60
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,981
Gary, do you mean
to tell me that...?
61
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:29,891
Yes, yes, it still makes
that same funny noise.
62
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,210
Well, what's the
matter with you?
63
00:03:34,030 --> 00:03:35,330
You feel a draft?
64
00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:36,776
Maybe there's a door open?
65
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,246
Still Mr. Swell Fellow.
66
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:42,570
All right, I'm going.
67
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,122
But it's really...
68
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,824
been...
69
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,225
Oh!
70
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,493
Oh!
71
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,629
Oh, wow!
72
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,431
Oh!
73
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,901
Oh, ruined! Ruined!
74
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,703
No, no, not ruined.
75
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,805
A few third-degree
burns, maybe, but no.
76
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,051
Oh, funny, that's funny.
77
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,285
What's your next joke?
78
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,120
Go-go-go... Go get the
gauze and the ointment?
79
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,243
Ha-ha, that's good.
80
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,590
Oh, you're happy, aren't you?
81
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,564
Well, as a matter of fact, I
do like my roast well done.
82
00:04:09,632 --> 00:04:11,611
That's not your roast,
that's for somebody else.
83
00:04:11,635 --> 00:04:14,580
As a matter of fact, this
dinner tonight is for my fiancée.
84
00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:16,683
I am getting engaged
with that roast.
85
00:04:16,707 --> 00:04:18,506
Engaged? How can you do that?
86
00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:21,135
Oh, what do you
mean, how can I do that?
87
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,610
I mean...
88
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,646
Well, you don't even
have a vegetable.
89
00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:27,794
Oh. Yeah, well, thanks to
you, I don't even have a...
90
00:04:27,818 --> 00:04:29,412
What did you do to the roast?
91
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,035
I just cut off the burned parts.
92
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,450
You mean, it's okay?
I can serve it like this?
93
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,851
Yeah, but is this dinner? Yes.
94
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,153
And she's going to be
here in less than an hour,
95
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,455
so if you'll please excuse me...
96
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,878
But you don't even have a salad.
97
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,424
Yes, I do. It's in
the refrigerator.
98
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,592
Okay, you finish
getting dressed,
99
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,715
and I'll toss the salad.
100
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,883
Uh-uh, uh-uh, nope.
101
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,685
Nope, I'm going to
toss it at the table.
102
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,964
And what, eat it off the floor?
103
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,921
Hey, what are y...?
104
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,156
You want to hang
around, don't you, huh?
105
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,859
Want to see what
she looks like, huh?
106
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,071
No, I want to hang around
107
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,973
and see you make
an ass of yourself.
108
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,374
Why are you doing this, anyway?
109
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,276
Can't she cook? It was my idea.
110
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,334
Why not take her to a
nice restaurant? Look...
111
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,597
it'll be my treat. All
right, all right, all right.
112
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:07,117
Go ahead, fix the roast, toss
the salad... You need a vegetable.
113
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,586
Do it, just be out of
here before June arrives.
114
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,243
June? Agnes.
115
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,810
I suppose when you get married,
116
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,447
she'll want to
get rid of the bed.
117
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:19,184
No. As a matter of fact,
she likes it very much.
118
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:45,143
It's got to be a diamond.
119
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,512
Nobody could afford
a zircon this small.
120
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:27,768
Well, you finished?
121
00:06:27,838 --> 00:06:28,970
Well, come on, come on.
122
00:06:29,039 --> 00:06:30,538
She'll be here any minute now.
123
00:06:30,606 --> 00:06:31,951
Ah, uh, don't get excited. Uh...
124
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,286
Your voice will start cracking.
125
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:36,311
I'll just, uh, wash up
and be on my way.
126
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,029
Gary, I'm sorry. I'm...
127
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:45,164
Oh, and I'm soapy,
oh, and you're a mess.
128
00:06:45,188 --> 00:06:47,455
All right, all right, where
is it? Where's the ring?
129
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,007
Under the bubbles.
130
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,175
You're wearing her ring?
131
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,859
You've got no
right! Take it off!
132
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:52,877
I'm trying.
133
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,779
You're trying?
134
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:55,991
Does it hurt? Yes.
135
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:57,214
Good.
136
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,350
Oh, brother, she's going
to be here any minute.
137
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,596
Then why don't I go?
138
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,665
The glee club's waiting
for me at the hotel.
139
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:03,833
They have to sing tonight.
140
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,490
You are not leaving
here with this ring.
141
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,358
You got it on. Why
won't it come off?
142
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,439
Because that's the
way knuckles work.
143
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,162
It's freezing in here.
144
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:12,947
Yeah, well, it's-it's
supposed to be cold.
145
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,695
Um, why is your tea
kettle in the refrigerator?
146
00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:17,451
Uh, because it's, uh...
147
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,820
Because it's quieter in there.
148
00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:20,555
Come on.
149
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,890
Hmm, hot!
150
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:24,069
Right, cold to hot...
Makes the metal expand,
151
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,038
or, contract, or
is it hot to cold?
152
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,641
It's the doorbell. Oh, my God.
153
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,275
Where's the back
door? There isn't any.
154
00:07:30,299 --> 00:07:31,978
I know! Under
the bed! No, not...
155
00:07:32,002 --> 00:07:33,779
Oh! Not in the bedroom!
156
00:07:33,803 --> 00:07:36,320
Um, um, um, the
front closet. The, uh...
157
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,459
No!
158
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:42,977
Do you think she saw me?
159
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,268
Hiya, June.
160
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,537
Honey, I, uh...
161
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,238
Hello.
162
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,140
Uh, June, this is Aggie.
163
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,742
Aggie, this is June.
164
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,044
Uh, Aggie and I went
to school together.
165
00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:01,875
That's when we
were married together.
166
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,631
Uh, well, yeah.
167
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,233
This is the Aggie, who, uh...
168
00:08:05,302 --> 00:08:07,168
Well, you know... Old Aggie.
169
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,970
How do you do?
170
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,791
Gary, take her coat.
171
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,027
Oh, right.
172
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,311
Say, uh, honey, you, uh...
173
00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,780
You can't imagine how surprised
174
00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:20,359
I was when that doorbell rang,
175
00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:22,984
and there was old Aggie.
176
00:08:23,053 --> 00:08:26,320
Oh, that's the closet. Hmm.
177
00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:32,526
I just came in town
for the weekend.
178
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,900
Uh, well, I, uh, figured
as long as she was here,
179
00:08:38,969 --> 00:08:41,035
she might as well
stay for dinner.
180
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,336
Tonight?
181
00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:46,173
Oh. Oh, I'll be gone
before you know it.
182
00:08:46,242 --> 00:08:49,210
Well, look, uh, you two
make yourselves comfortable,
183
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,345
and I'll go set another
plate, and, uh...
184
00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:54,649
Okay.
185
00:09:02,259 --> 00:09:04,521
I just came by to see the bed.
186
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:05,545
The bed?
187
00:09:05,595 --> 00:09:07,073
You know what's
the matter with me?
188
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,142
I'm too sentimental. I
mean, a bed's a bed,
189
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,194
right? You mean,
that was your bed?
190
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,500
Well, we shared it.
191
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,719
Gary got custody,
and I got the cat.
192
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,955
Two weeks later,
the cat got pregnant.
193
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,457
Take my advice...
Never settle for the pet.
194
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:22,844
Well, that's one thing I'm
not going to worry about.
195
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,595
That's right. Why should you?
196
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,298
You're not even married yet.
197
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:33,138
Girls, time to eat.
198
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,784
I hope you enjoy my cooking.
199
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,007
Your cooking? But...
200
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,387
But I thought Gary... Gary?
201
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,971
No, but he does set a
lovely table, doesn't he?
202
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:42,141
Let's see.
203
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,442
Now some wine.
204
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:46,200
Honey, uh... But...
205
00:09:46,269 --> 00:09:48,235
Uh...
206
00:09:48,304 --> 00:09:49,671
Let's see.
207
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:50,883
A toast to, uh...
208
00:09:50,907 --> 00:09:52,807
The three of us.
209
00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:55,509
How about out with
the old, in with the new?
210
00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:56,810
I'll drink to that.
211
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,830
I'll drink to anything.
212
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:03,134
Oh, oh, the heel of the
roast... you remembered.
213
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,735
Remembered?
214
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,249
Oh, Gary, June isn't
going to be upset
215
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,084
because you remembered
I like the heel of the roast.
216
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,252
After all,
217
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,175
she knows we lived
together for three years.
218
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,694
We were married.
219
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,259
Say, did Gary ever
tell you why we... pftt?
220
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,561
Aggie, for crying out loud,
this is an engagement party.
221
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,018
Well, it wouldn't be
if we hadn't... pftt'ed!
222
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,366
Look, I'm sure that June
isn't the least bit interested.
223
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,517
Are you, honey?
224
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,673
Well, I...
225
00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:27,153
You see? She is interested.
226
00:10:27,177 --> 00:10:28,559
Yes, I am.
227
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,773
Well, I don't have to sit
here and listen to this.
228
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,731
That's right, you don't.
229
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,100
See, it was a
question of honesty.
230
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,467
What?!
231
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,748
While... While Gary was
getting his master's degree,
232
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,617
I was working his
way through college.
233
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,284
Oh, now, wait a minute!
234
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,424
Now the plan was,
235
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,143
after he got his master's,
236
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,290
we'd both go back
home and teach school.
237
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,413
Well, a man has a
right to change his mind.
238
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,461
Yes, and did he change his mind.
239
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,851
Once he had the master's,
240
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,730
he wanted to come to New York
241
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,799
and become a famous writer.
242
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:57,571
So?
243
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,323
So, he wanted me to support him
244
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,041
until he could start
selling his stories.
245
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:02,672
Well, what's the
matter with that?
246
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,674
Well, I would have been
working the rest of my life.
247
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,698
I mean, have you ever
read any of his things?
248
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:09,633
He's probably the only
writer who was ever rejected
249
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,852
by Jack and Jill because
his stories lacked spunk.
250
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,288
Well, I'm certainly glad
251
00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:16,157
Aggie had this chance
to tell her side of the story.
252
00:11:16,226 --> 00:11:18,859
She makes it perfectly clear
that a-a-a marriage cannot exist
253
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,606
when-when-when a wife has
254
00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:22,608
no faith or confidence
in the husband's ability.
255
00:11:22,632 --> 00:11:24,042
And-And a marriage
certainly can't work
256
00:11:24,066 --> 00:11:25,417
when a wife can't be honest
257
00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:27,363
with her husband!
Well, let's hear it.
258
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,697
Three cheers for honest Aggie!
259
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:29,899
Honest but wrong.
260
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,400
Does this look
like I'm starving?
261
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,957
This is because
after three months,
262
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,759
you gave up trying
to be Hemingway
263
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,267
and went into the
insurance business.
264
00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:38,190
If I'd known you were
going to sell out so fast,
265
00:11:38,214 --> 00:11:39,314
I'd have come with you.
266
00:11:39,382 --> 00:11:40,593
Sell out? Why
you little... Stop it!
267
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,849
Stop it, both of you!
268
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,719
I did not come here this
evening to meet your ex-wife,
269
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,088
or-or to hear your
tales about a brass bed,
270
00:11:47,157 --> 00:11:49,824
or to be bored by this
little theater divorce court.
271
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:51,392
I came here to get engaged,
272
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,511
which is probably the reason you
273
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,607
showed up. What?
274
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,908
And I'm fast running
out of patience.
275
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:58,399
Now, Gary, make up your
mind... Is it on, or is it off?
276
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,067
It's on! All right, then.
277
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,057
Then let's do it.
Where's the ring?
278
00:12:03,073 --> 00:12:04,639
It's beautiful.
279
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,392
Thank you.
280
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:13,886
Gary... I would like to speak to you
alone. You want to speak to me alone.
281
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:16,151
Home wrecker.
282
00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:18,153
Me and my big knuckles.
283
00:12:19,856 --> 00:12:22,601
All right, I want to know why
you let her in this apartment,
284
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,102
why you let her stay for dinner,
285
00:12:24,126 --> 00:12:26,055
and why you let
her put on my ring!
286
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,179
Honey, I don't know why
I let her in the apartment.
287
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,781
She-She put the ring
on behind my back,
288
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,482
and I-I had to let
her stay for dinner
289
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,662
because it's-it's
stuck on her finger.
290
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:33,996
Stuck!? Oh, I'll bet. Yes.
291
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,365
Oh, you could get that ring
off if you really wanted to.
292
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,167
Oh, honey, now, come
on. You just don't care.
293
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,290
Don't. Don't start crying.
294
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:40,998
Well, believe me, she
means nothing to me.
295
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,627
The ring... It just got stuck.
296
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:46,263
Look, I promise, I'll get it
off if I have to amputate.
297
00:12:51,821 --> 00:12:53,599
All right, Aggie, it's settled.
298
00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:56,202
First thing in the morning,
we'll go to the jeweler,
299
00:12:56,226 --> 00:12:57,837
and have the ring cut off.
300
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,994
Oh, no, you are
not cutting my ring!
301
00:13:00,063 --> 00:13:01,758
Well, then how are
we going to get it off?
302
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,648
A ring signifies eternal love.
303
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,066
You can't break it.
304
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,629
They can weld it together again.
305
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,986
What is that?! Eternal
love with a lump in it?
306
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,988
Oh, no, nobody is
going to cut my ring,
307
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,640
and especially off her finger!
308
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,808
Well, honey, she's
only trying to help!
309
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,662
Oh, oh, so now you're
defending the other woman!
310
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,646
Now wait a minute!
311
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,725
She's not the other woman!
312
00:13:19,749 --> 00:13:20,932
She's the first woman.
313
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:21,682
Stop it, please!
314
00:13:21,751 --> 00:13:23,161
And you stay out of this!
315
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:25,231
Don't tell me, I started
it and now I'm stopping.
316
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,499
I'm not going to stand here
and break up another marriage.
317
00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:29,167
I'm leaving. Good,
that's fine with me!
318
00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:31,002
Not with my ring!
Not with her ring!
319
00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:32,266
You can't leave with that ring!
320
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:33,905
All right, then I'm
going to bed. Good!
321
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:35,073
Gary!
322
00:13:35,097 --> 00:13:37,008
Aggie! What are you going to do?
323
00:13:37,032 --> 00:13:38,733
Wait here.
324
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,101
Are you kidding?
325
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,119
I'm not leaving until I can go.
326
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,832
Now what are you going to do?
327
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,834
Aggie, can I speak
to you for a moment?
328
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,258
Sure.
329
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,759
Don't you dare.
330
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,239
Don't you tell me
don't you dare.
331
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,574
I'm trying to get
your ring back.
332
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,009
Oh, not on that bed you're not.
333
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,216
Well, we've tried
everything else.
334
00:13:57,119 --> 00:13:59,097
Who else were you expecting?
335
00:13:59,121 --> 00:14:01,072
Maybe it's Nancy Crier.
336
00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:02,056
Who? Who?
337
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:03,769
We were in
kindergarten together.
338
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,876
She's the first
girl I ever kissed.
339
00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,766
Yes?
340
00:14:11,835 --> 00:14:13,133
I'm Lyle Patterson,
341
00:14:13,202 --> 00:14:15,242
and this is the Central
Union High School Glee Club.
342
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,604
Ah.
343
00:14:16,673 --> 00:14:18,272
Okay, there you go.
344
00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:19,741
No, I think you're
making a mistake.
345
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:20,908
Are you Mr. Gary Holmes?
346
00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:22,310
Yes.
347
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,495
Well, isn't there an
Agnes Richmond here?
348
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,164
Aggie?
349
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,282
Oh, that glee club.
350
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,334
Come on in! Oh.
351
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:31,335
All of you.
352
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,781
This is it, come on
in, boys and girls.
353
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,216
That's it, over there,
go over there in the...
354
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,306
fine, that's fine,
355
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,507
that's it, boys and girls.
356
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,095
Okay, now just get
back there, don't...
357
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,277
just stand there.
358
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,305
Don't touch anything
or each other.
359
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,280
Where's Agnes?
360
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:45,265
She's in the bedroom.
361
00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:47,145
Oh, it's all right, Lyle.
362
00:14:47,169 --> 00:14:48,314
I was just resting.
363
00:14:48,338 --> 00:14:49,537
Agnes, where have you been?
364
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,400
We've been waiting at
the hotel for over an hour.
365
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,902
It was my fault, really.
366
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,704
I insisted that she stay.
367
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,360
Well, we have a
dress rehearsal tonight
368
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,795
and tomorrow is the semifinal.
369
00:14:57,847 --> 00:14:59,127
Lyle, you're upset.
370
00:14:59,181 --> 00:15:00,314
Yes, yes, I'm ups...
371
00:15:00,383 --> 00:15:01,649
You know what I went through
372
00:15:01,718 --> 00:15:03,758
trying to get eight people
and myself into one taxi?
373
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,986
And then the dr...
the driver insisted that
374
00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,688
that Wilma sit
up front with him!
375
00:15:07,757 --> 00:15:09,840
I don't like it, I
don't like it at all.
376
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,509
Why weren't you there?
377
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,279
What are you doing here
with, with Mr. Ex, anyway?
378
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,344
Lyle, you don't understand.
379
00:15:18,368 --> 00:15:21,301
See, Gary and June are
getting engaged tonight.
380
00:15:21,371 --> 00:15:25,105
Oh, well, congratulations.
381
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,241
I didn't, I should have known.
382
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:29,243
Well, uh, uh, don't go away,
383
00:15:29,311 --> 00:15:30,628
I've got an idea.
384
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,214
Okay, we're going
to do number 12.
385
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:43,240
♪ The girl of my dreams ♪
386
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:48,579
♪ Is the sweetest girl ♪
387
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:54,835
♪ Of all the girls ♪
388
00:15:54,904 --> 00:16:00,040
♪ I know ♪
389
00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:05,095
♪ Each sweet co-ed... ♪
390
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,430
All right, Gary Holmes,
391
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,098
what are you going
to do about this?
392
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,029
What do you want
me to do? Sing along?
393
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,586
I want you to get my ring back!
394
00:16:12,655 --> 00:16:14,900
I'll get your ring back as
soon as these people leave.
395
00:16:14,924 --> 00:16:16,502
Oh, really, and how
are you going to do that?
396
00:16:16,526 --> 00:16:17,806
You can't get it off her finger!
397
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:19,838
Then I'll buy you a
new one. I want my ring!
398
00:16:22,932 --> 00:16:25,110
Aggie, will you please get
these people out of here?
399
00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:27,084
Uh, you let them in,
you throw them out.
400
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,153
Gary? Huh?
401
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,707
I am asking you one last time.
402
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,276
What are you going to do?
403
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,599
I don't know what
I'm going to do
404
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,111
but I do know that I'm
getting sick and tired
405
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:44,669
of you asking me
what I'm going to do.
406
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:45,847
Well, I don't have
to just stand here
407
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,183
and watch you do
nothing every time
408
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,417
I ask you what
you're going to do.
409
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,885
I am doing everything I can!
410
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,309
What would you do?
411
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:52,621
You're the man. Oh,
412
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:53,877
that's easy for you to say.
413
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,824
Is it? What do you mean by that?
414
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,393
I mean I'm sick and tired
415
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,562
of hanging around like a
dog begging for a bone.
416
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,564
Where are you going?
417
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,822
♪ ...sweetheart of... ♪
418
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,769
If you decide you would
like to get engaged,
419
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:09,076
then give me a ring!
420
00:17:09,145 --> 00:17:13,747
♪ Sigma Chi... ♪
421
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:15,382
Oh, that was...
422
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,484
Where, where did she go?
423
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:19,253
She left, she walked out.
424
00:17:19,322 --> 00:17:21,255
On "The Sweetheart
of Sigma Chi"?
425
00:17:21,324 --> 00:17:24,158
I guess you've got that
same happy feeling now...
426
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,987
that pleasant glow
that comes over you
427
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,890
every time you screw up my life!
428
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,346
Gary, I know it looks bad...
429
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,026
Looks bad? Now just
a minute, Mr. Holmes.
430
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,361
You're not going
to talk to Agnes
431
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,696
in that tone of voice. Why not?
432
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,886
She's my ex-wife.
433
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,565
Well, she happens
to be my best girl.
434
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,567
Well, then how come
she's wearing my ring?
435
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:41,526
Well, why is that, Agnes?
436
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:44,529
Lyle, it's nothing but
a misunderstanding.
437
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,196
A misunderstanding?
438
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:47,598
Or a triangle.
439
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,812
What? Yes, one of those
perverted love things.
440
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,269
Oh, I've read all about them...
441
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,004
All right, all right,
boys and girls,
442
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,073
in the room, in... out, get out.
443
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,382
You boys practice your singing,
444
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,410
and Wilma, work,
445
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,711
work on your whistle.
446
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,980
Lyle, that's the bedroom.
447
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,983
Good Lord, everywhere you turn.
448
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:08,486
All right, out, out, come
on, out of the bedroom!
449
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:09,598
Out, get out of this.
450
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,822
Out! Out!
451
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,690
Out of the room, get
out of the building!
452
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,537
Out, quick, quick, quick, hurry!
453
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,827
Out!
454
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,028
Well, Agnes, are
you coming with us?
455
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,076
Lyle, I can't, you
see, the problem is...
456
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,298
Spare me the sordid details.
457
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,718
I feel sorry for you,
but I am not going
458
00:18:23,786 --> 00:18:26,170
to contaminate those
children with this seamy setting.
459
00:18:26,222 --> 00:18:27,788
You'll just have
to take care of this
460
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:28,857
yourself.
461
00:18:28,892 --> 00:18:31,092
Oh, and if you want to join us,
462
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,593
we'll be practicing at the hotel
463
00:18:32,661 --> 00:18:34,528
in the Eli Whitney room.
464
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,511
The ring! Gary, no!
465
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,239
Give me the ring!
466
00:18:45,307 --> 00:18:46,774
The ring!
467
00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:48,159
Gary, let me up.
468
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,421
No, Gary. Give me the ring.
469
00:18:49,445 --> 00:18:50,855
Gary, I'm sorry.
You ruined my life!
470
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,112
Gary, it's me, it's Agnes!
471
00:18:52,181 --> 00:18:53,825
Please, give me the
ring. It's your ex-wife!
472
00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:55,782
Oh, Aggie, Aggie, I'm sorry.
473
00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:57,784
This whole thing
is driving me crazy.
474
00:18:57,853 --> 00:18:59,498
Gary, I've never seen
you like this before.
475
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:00,999
I've never been
this way before. Oh?
476
00:19:01,023 --> 00:19:02,668
How do you like
it? Aggie, don't start.
477
00:19:02,692 --> 00:19:03,802
Sorry. It's okay.
478
00:19:03,826 --> 00:19:04,891
Gary? What?
479
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,371
We've got to get this ring off,
480
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,706
for both our sakes. We tried.
481
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,363
We tried, we really
did try, didn't we?
482
00:19:09,432 --> 00:19:11,131
Yes. Gary? What?
483
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,499
If we can't get it off,
484
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,346
there must be somebody who can.
485
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,969
Like who? I don't...
486
00:19:16,038 --> 00:19:17,871
Like... like...
487
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:19,106
A plumber?
488
00:19:19,174 --> 00:19:20,290
A plumber?
489
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,292
A plumber?
490
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,027
If you want a ring cut off,
491
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,262
why you call a plumber?
492
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,309
Because jewelers
don't make house calls.
493
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,266
Oh, yeah.
494
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,268
Well, let me see.
495
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,271
Hey, isn't this your
engagement ring?
496
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,673
Uh, well, yes,
497
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,018
it's an engagement ring.
498
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:38,141
Mmm...
499
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,921
I don't think I
better cut it off.
500
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,044
Why? Is it dangerous?
501
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,424
Some people think so.
502
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:43,614
What do you mean?
503
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,283
Well, you see, a ring
signifies eternal love.
504
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,285
Yeah, we know, we know.
505
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,065
Have you tried graphite?
506
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,757
Uh, no, but we put
my hand in the freezer.
507
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,303
Well, why don't I
try the graphite?
508
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:58,763
That is, if you don't
mind, um, $15 an hour.
509
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,277
Ah, I'll do it on my own time.
510
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,234
Sit down, lady.
511
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,236
$15, more or less, you know.
512
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:07,538
Say, uh, Aggie,
513
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,184
uh, you're not going
to get in any trouble
514
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,352
back at school, are you?
515
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,770
Oh, don't worry,
I can handle Lyle.
516
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,856
That's right, I forgot,
you're his best girl.
517
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,813
No, his mother's his best girl.
518
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,527
Hey, you still angry with me?
519
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,295
No, I don't know, I guess not.
520
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,164
And you shouldn't be
angry with June, either.
521
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,233
I mean, she does
have a right to be upset.
522
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,868
Don't worry about
June, I can handle her.
523
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,707
Oh-ho!
524
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,191
What's that supposed to mean?
525
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,538
Oh, come on, Gary.
526
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,172
I saw how you handle June.
527
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,542
Why can't you ever
admit you're not perfect?
528
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,916
Because you're always
around to do it for me.
529
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,296
Gary, what I said
before was the truth.
530
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,599
When we were married,
you weren't honest with me,
531
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:42,668
and you got upset when
I was honest with you.
532
00:20:42,692 --> 00:20:43,623
Honesty?
533
00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:44,858
You know, I'm sick of hearing
534
00:20:44,927 --> 00:20:46,027
about you and your honesty.
535
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,156
There are more important
things than the truth.
536
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,047
Yeah, l-like people's feelings.
537
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,326
If you'd thought
about my feelings
538
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,717
and come to New York with me,
539
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:53,979
we would have
never gotten divorced.
540
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,581
Well, sure, but
that's because you...
541
00:20:55,605 --> 00:20:57,066
You're right, you're
right. I sold out.
542
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,688
How's that for honesty?
543
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,818
Well, it's a start.
544
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:00,919
And if you'd have been with me,
545
00:21:00,943 --> 00:21:02,154
we could have sold out together.
546
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,656
Yes, but if I had come,
547
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,057
and you'd given up your writing,
548
00:21:05,081 --> 00:21:07,059
you might have
always blamed it on me.
549
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:09,245
I guess it really
is better this way.
550
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,401
What's better this way?
551
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,470
Hey, wait a minute.
552
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,137
Why did you come here tonight?
553
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,750
I told you, to see the bed.
554
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:18,025
Agnes Richmond, for the
first time since I've known you,
555
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,876
you aren't being honest.
556
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,378
All right.
557
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:25,216
I came here because I
realized that I still love you,
558
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,218
and to see if you still love me.
559
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,048
But then when I
found out about June...
560
00:21:29,072 --> 00:21:30,371
You tried to break it up?
561
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,720
No, I didn't.
562
00:21:31,774 --> 00:21:33,618
Well, maybe a little at first,
563
00:21:33,642 --> 00:21:35,454
but then I just
wanted to get out.
564
00:21:35,478 --> 00:21:36,977
And the ring?
565
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,525
Well, I just wanted to
remember for a minute.
566
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,484
Oh, wow, this is ridiculous.
567
00:21:43,553 --> 00:21:45,752
I mean, how can we feel
that way about one another?
568
00:21:45,821 --> 00:21:47,799
We're divorced! It's
not ridiculous for me.
569
00:21:47,823 --> 00:21:49,000
I don't know how you feel.
570
00:21:49,024 --> 00:21:50,724
Well, I'll tell you
how I feel. I feel...
571
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,908
Guilty?
572
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,644
No, not guilty, uh...
573
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:55,971
Well, I don't know what I feel.
574
00:21:55,998 --> 00:21:57,214
I-I can't explain it.
575
00:21:57,266 --> 00:21:59,477
Gary, I'm not asking
you to feel anything.
576
00:21:59,501 --> 00:22:00,712
As soon as this gentleman
577
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:01,980
gets the ring off my finger,
578
00:22:02,004 --> 00:22:03,248
I'm getting up and leaving,
579
00:22:03,272 --> 00:22:04,616
and you'll never see me again.
580
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,135
So there's no
reason to be upset.
581
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,607
But I am upset!
582
00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:08,837
Sure. Why?
583
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:09,861
Well...
584
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,278
Well, because, uh,
585
00:22:11,346 --> 00:22:13,080
because I don't want you to go.
586
00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,117
Because...
587
00:22:17,185 --> 00:22:19,119
damn it, I love you.
588
00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:21,522
Oh, Gary.
589
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:23,156
Oh, wow, what am I going to do?
590
00:22:23,225 --> 00:22:25,136
I mean, what am I
going to do about June?
591
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,259
I'm in love with her.
592
00:22:26,328 --> 00:22:28,328
I mean, I-I-I I was
in love with her.
593
00:22:28,397 --> 00:22:29,964
Now I'm not in love with her,
594
00:22:30,032 --> 00:22:31,264
but, uh, well, I...
595
00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:32,699
I don't want to
hurt her feelings.
596
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,502
Well, isn't it better
I showed up today
597
00:22:35,571 --> 00:22:37,199
than on your fifth
wedding anniversary?
598
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:37,938
Well, uh...
599
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:39,024
Well, ain't it?
600
00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:42,492
I guess you're right.
601
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,695
I guess you're both right.
602
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:48,715
Folks, this ring
ain't coming off.
603
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:51,886
I'll drink to that.
604
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,599
I'll drink to anything.
605
00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:24,351
♪ ♪
606
00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:58,268
400... 20...
607
00:23:58,337 --> 00:24:02,272
30... 40...
608
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:06,276
50... 60... 70...
609
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:09,646
80... 85...
610
00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,281
90.
611
00:24:11,350 --> 00:24:13,951
$500.
612
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,331
That's a lot of money
to bet on one pool game.
613
00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:18,288
Not if you gonna win.
614
00:24:18,357 --> 00:24:19,835
Your man ain't even here.
615
00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:21,358
Big Red ain't here either.
616
00:24:21,426 --> 00:24:22,926
He will be,
617
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,639
with this kind of money around.
618
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:26,641
Let me ask you a question. What?
619
00:24:26,665 --> 00:24:29,432
Where did you find
this Mr. Wonderful
620
00:24:29,502 --> 00:24:31,480
that you think can beat Big Red?
621
00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:33,036
What's the difference?
622
00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,205
Now you just hold
on to that money,
623
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:38,208
stay in plain sight,
so I can collect
624
00:24:38,276 --> 00:24:39,743
when the game is over.
625
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,745
All right.
626
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:46,116
Oh, baby, my man!
627
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:47,985
Hey! No time to tap it?
628
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:49,497
It's all right, it's all right.
629
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:51,454
It's all right. It's all right.
630
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:53,891
Say there, Roscoe. Did
the pigeon show up yet?
631
00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:54,875
No.
632
00:24:54,944 --> 00:24:56,343
And if the pigeon does,
633
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,579
he just might turn
out to be a hawk.
634
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,797
Yeah? Well, here's $500
635
00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:03,767
that says your hawk
done turned into a chicken.
636
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:07,938
Yeah? Well, here's $20 that says
637
00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:10,357
that Big Red is going
to be a dead duck.
638
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:13,794
Yeah, well, here's
your 20 and another 30
639
00:25:13,862 --> 00:25:16,074
that says your goose
is cooked, turkey.
640
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,899
Now, who's holding the money?
641
00:25:18,968 --> 00:25:20,150
Little Willie.
642
00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:21,780
Yeah, well, who's
watching Little Willie?
643
00:25:21,804 --> 00:25:22,736
I am.
644
00:25:22,805 --> 00:25:23,987
Well, watch him close.
645
00:25:24,056 --> 00:25:25,967
You remember what
happened the last time
646
00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:27,586
Little Willie held the money.
647
00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:30,093
Whoo!
648
00:25:30,146 --> 00:25:31,911
This is it, honey.
649
00:25:31,980 --> 00:25:33,580
This is my place of business.
650
00:25:33,649 --> 00:25:36,128
This is where I make
my living, you know?
651
00:25:36,152 --> 00:25:38,630
I guess you could call
me something like a doctor.
652
00:25:38,654 --> 00:25:41,355
Yeah, this is my operating room.
653
00:25:41,423 --> 00:25:43,089
This is my operating table.
654
00:25:43,159 --> 00:25:45,259
And this is my scalpel.
655
00:25:45,327 --> 00:25:47,805
Would you send in
the patient, please?
656
00:25:47,829 --> 00:25:51,097
I'm ready to
remove his bankroll.
657
00:25:51,167 --> 00:25:52,766
Whoo!
658
00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:53,933
Where's the patient?
659
00:25:54,002 --> 00:25:55,435
It's three minutes to 8:00.
660
00:25:55,504 --> 00:25:59,189
Maybe he's suffering from
jaundice of the spine. Mmm!
661
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,792
The only thing my
man is suffering from
662
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:04,161
is the quickening of the senses.
663
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:05,479
Yeah? Well, I'm going
664
00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:06,964
to give him five minutes
665
00:26:07,033 --> 00:26:09,583
and if he don't show,
I take the dough.
666
00:26:09,652 --> 00:26:11,217
Go, Red, go.
667
00:26:11,286 --> 00:26:14,254
Uh, excuse me, y'all.
668
00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,300
Uh, this is a little
something that I met
669
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:18,603
coming out of the
beauty parlor next door.
670
00:26:18,627 --> 00:26:20,705
What's your name again, honey?
671
00:26:20,729 --> 00:26:22,007
Mercy. Mercy.
672
00:26:22,031 --> 00:26:22,963
Mercy!
673
00:26:23,032 --> 00:26:23,964
Mercy, Mercy! Whoo!
674
00:26:24,033 --> 00:26:25,465
You told me that before.
675
00:26:25,534 --> 00:26:27,946
Fox, ain't she? Fox.
Ain't she, though?
676
00:26:27,970 --> 00:26:30,015
Well, you're going to
have a treat tonight, mama.
677
00:26:30,039 --> 00:26:32,083
'Cause you're going to see
the internationally known,
678
00:26:32,107 --> 00:26:35,575
the world famous Big Red,
play a big-time pool game,
679
00:26:35,644 --> 00:26:37,388
for some big-time stakes. Hello.
680
00:26:37,412 --> 00:26:39,290
You haven't seen
anybody shoot pool before?
681
00:26:39,314 --> 00:26:41,693
No. Ooh, well,
you're in for a treat.
682
00:26:41,717 --> 00:26:44,484
I play the game for
fortune and fame.
683
00:26:44,553 --> 00:26:45,919
Big Red is my name.
684
00:26:45,988 --> 00:26:48,655
Watch out, I'm going to give
you a little demonstration.
685
00:26:48,724 --> 00:26:50,490
Ooh! Whoo-hoo!
686
00:26:50,559 --> 00:26:52,142
Big Red, do your thing.
687
00:26:59,685 --> 00:27:01,430
Was that supposed to happen?
688
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:04,555
Anything Big Red does
is supposed to happen.
689
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,090
There ain't no accidents
when Big Red shoots pool.
690
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:08,159
Ain't that right, fellas?
691
00:27:08,193 --> 00:27:09,221
That's right.
692
00:27:09,245 --> 00:27:11,395
My man's cool, ain't he?
693
00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:14,648
Playing for almost $600
to fool around with a chick.
694
00:27:14,717 --> 00:27:18,051
Did I hear somebody
say "almost $600"?
695
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:21,788
Well, I don't want to
play for almost $600.
696
00:27:21,857 --> 00:27:24,458
Let's make it exactly $600.
697
00:27:24,526 --> 00:27:25,892
That okay with you, Roscoe?
698
00:27:25,961 --> 00:27:27,894
My man concurs.
699
00:27:27,963 --> 00:27:30,897
His man concurs. Whoo!
700
00:27:30,966 --> 00:27:34,167
Uh, while we waiting,
while we waiting,
701
00:27:34,236 --> 00:27:35,736
watch this, honey.
702
00:27:35,804 --> 00:27:37,382
See this bunch of
balls sitting here?
703
00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:39,473
Uh-huh. Okay, now watch this.
704
00:27:39,541 --> 00:27:41,341
Watch this.
705
00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:43,277
His man concurs.
706
00:27:43,345 --> 00:27:44,889
Say, what you gonna do there?
707
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,291
Say, uh, just a minute.
708
00:27:46,315 --> 00:27:48,360
Uh, why don't we make
a little arrangement?
709
00:27:48,384 --> 00:27:51,251
Uh, you give me a
kiss for each ball I sink.
710
00:27:52,288 --> 00:27:53,298
Come on.
711
00:27:53,322 --> 00:27:55,489
Well, I don't know about that.
712
00:27:55,557 --> 00:27:57,235
Oh, come on, now, be a sport.
713
00:27:57,259 --> 00:28:00,427
Now, I can't do my best unless
there's something on the line.
714
00:28:00,496 --> 00:28:02,729
Well, all right.
715
00:28:03,799 --> 00:28:05,744
You go, Red, there
it is. Watch this!
716
00:28:05,768 --> 00:28:07,048
Go on, Red, do it.
717
00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,203
Do it, do it, do it.
718
00:28:09,271 --> 00:28:11,054
Ooh! Look out.
719
00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:16,721
That's six kisses you owe me.
720
00:28:16,745 --> 00:28:19,946
I think you got a
bad bet, Roscoe.
721
00:28:20,015 --> 00:28:21,882
Why don't you call it off?
722
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:24,885
I think if you ask Red,
he'll let you off the hook.
723
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:29,522
Mm-mm, I like it
fine on this hook.
724
00:28:29,591 --> 00:28:31,224
But your man ain't here.
725
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:33,104
You're liable to get
hung on that hook.
726
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,295
I know it, but when he get here,
727
00:28:35,363 --> 00:28:40,050
the worm on the hook will turn.
728
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:43,237
Okay, now, now take
it back slow and easy.
729
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:44,571
Just take your time.
730
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,406
Relax now, you're too tight.
731
00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:47,974
But I don't know how.
732
00:28:48,043 --> 00:28:49,576
That's why I'm
showing you, mama.
733
00:28:49,645 --> 00:28:52,212
Okay. Now...
734
00:28:54,817 --> 00:28:56,916
Oh! I made it! That
wasn't hard, was it?
735
00:28:56,985 --> 00:28:58,117
Okay, okay.
736
00:28:58,186 --> 00:29:00,487
Now, you shoot one
yourself, right? Okay.
737
00:29:00,556 --> 00:29:01,916
Uh-huh, okay. Yeah. Now, that's
738
00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:03,284
an easy one... that four
ball... that's an easy one.
739
00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:04,619
That four ball right
in the corner there?
740
00:29:04,643 --> 00:29:06,187
Knock it right in that
corner pocket. Okay.
741
00:29:06,211 --> 00:29:07,321
Take your time now.
742
00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:10,147
Boy, I hope I get another
one in. And I hope...
743
00:29:11,216 --> 00:29:12,282
I missed it, I missed...
744
00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:14,284
Oh, I got one in, I got one in.
745
00:29:14,352 --> 00:29:16,153
You sure did! I got one in!
746
00:29:16,222 --> 00:29:19,990
Okay, okay, now,
now... sink the cue ball.
747
00:29:20,059 --> 00:29:21,725
Well, which one is the cue ball?
748
00:29:21,794 --> 00:29:25,395
Pardon the expression,
it's the white one.
749
00:29:25,464 --> 00:29:27,397
Okay.
750
00:29:29,502 --> 00:29:31,318
Oh, I missed it.
751
00:29:31,387 --> 00:29:32,730
That's all right,
that's all right.
752
00:29:32,754 --> 00:29:34,221
Okay, here, okay.
753
00:29:34,289 --> 00:29:36,256
Now, sink that one.
754
00:29:36,325 --> 00:29:37,491
Dead in the corner pocket.
755
00:29:37,559 --> 00:29:38,892
Go ahead, sink that one.
756
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:44,548
Hey, man, why don't you
give the lady an easier shot?
757
00:29:44,617 --> 00:29:45,697
She's doing all right.
758
00:29:45,751 --> 00:29:48,084
She's got the form, ain't she?
759
00:29:48,154 --> 00:29:50,254
Oh, I did it all wrong.
760
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:52,400
That's all right, mama,
you're getting the hang of it.
761
00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:54,157
Say there, Roscoe.
762
00:29:54,225 --> 00:29:56,276
It's 8:02.
763
00:29:56,345 --> 00:29:57,710
If he's not here in two minutes,
764
00:29:57,779 --> 00:30:00,630
the teacher going to
have to mark him absent.
765
00:30:00,699 --> 00:30:04,585
Hey, Red, don't you
dismiss the class too early.
766
00:30:04,653 --> 00:30:07,671
'Cause you just might have
a couple of lessons to learn.
767
00:30:07,739 --> 00:30:10,523
Yeah? Well, who
going to teach old PhD?
768
00:30:10,592 --> 00:30:12,592
That stands for
"pool-hustling daddy."
769
00:30:12,628 --> 00:30:14,472
You heard what I said,
didn't you, Roscoe?
770
00:30:14,496 --> 00:30:16,663
If he's not here in
two, he's through,
771
00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,698
and that also go for you.
772
00:30:18,767 --> 00:30:19,911
Oh, he'll be here, baby.
773
00:30:19,935 --> 00:30:21,518
Rack 'em up, Ace.
774
00:30:21,587 --> 00:30:22,519
Every day...
775
00:30:22,588 --> 00:30:23,920
every day.
776
00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:25,433
While we're waiting,
mama, why don't you and I
777
00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:27,001
play for a little higher stakes?
778
00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:28,992
Higher stakes?
779
00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:30,627
Like what, Big Red?
780
00:30:30,696 --> 00:30:33,007
How about a little
winner's choice?
781
00:30:33,031 --> 00:30:36,132
Winner's choice?
Like... like what?
782
00:30:36,201 --> 00:30:38,134
I'll think of something.
783
00:30:38,203 --> 00:30:39,602
Come on.
784
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:43,139
Roscoe, you've only
got two more minutes.
785
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:45,654
Then I'm going to
give Red all that money.
786
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:48,845
Man, why don't you
pull yourself together?
787
00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:50,980
You ain't got a
dime on that game.
788
00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:52,882
I know!
789
00:30:52,951 --> 00:30:55,197
But I can't stand
losing all that money,
790
00:30:55,221 --> 00:30:57,053
even if it's yours.
791
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,761
Now, we'll just play
to 50 points, okay?
792
00:31:04,830 --> 00:31:07,164
Now you break.
793
00:31:07,232 --> 00:31:09,265
There you go, mama.
794
00:31:09,334 --> 00:31:10,934
What do I do?
795
00:31:11,003 --> 00:31:13,570
Well, you just hit that cue ball
796
00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:15,249
into that bunch
of balls down there
797
00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:18,608
and try to knock in
as many as you can.
798
00:31:18,677 --> 00:31:21,111
Okay, I'll try.
799
00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:51,758
♪ ♪
800
00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:12,429
Is she your man?
801
00:32:12,498 --> 00:32:15,599
Yes, she is my man.
802
00:32:15,668 --> 00:32:17,668
Excuse me.
803
00:32:23,725 --> 00:32:25,608
Hey, is that Roscoe's man?
804
00:32:25,677 --> 00:32:27,288
How'd you like a
shot in the mouth?
805
00:32:27,312 --> 00:32:28,879
Hey, man, go on
and shoot your game.
806
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:30,446
I got some bread
going on the game
807
00:32:30,515 --> 00:32:32,193
and you acting crazy.
Losing my money
808
00:32:32,217 --> 00:32:35,185
and you're standing
around fat mouthing.
809
00:32:35,254 --> 00:32:37,454
Hey, Ace, rack 'em up again!
810
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:09,219
♪ ♪
811
00:33:17,229 --> 00:33:19,846
Mercy ain't showing
Big Red no mercy.
812
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:21,848
She sure ain't!
813
00:33:52,197 --> 00:33:54,414
50 points, Red.
814
00:33:54,483 --> 00:33:55,643
50 points.
815
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:59,969
Well, here you
are, ma'am, $1,200.
816
00:34:00,039 --> 00:34:01,738
It's all yours.
817
00:34:01,806 --> 00:34:03,400
Now, you can count
it if you want to.
818
00:34:03,424 --> 00:34:05,559
No need to.
819
00:34:05,627 --> 00:34:08,061
It feels right.
820
00:34:08,129 --> 00:34:09,596
Roscoe, here's your cut.
821
00:34:09,665 --> 00:34:11,765
Thank you.
822
00:34:11,834 --> 00:34:13,967
$300.
823
00:34:14,035 --> 00:34:16,264
Thank you, Mercy. Much obliged.
824
00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:21,308
You know, I almost had more
fun watching than winning.
825
00:34:21,376 --> 00:34:22,642
Hey, Red,
826
00:34:22,711 --> 00:34:24,706
I hope you learned a lesson,
827
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:29,065
that there is no slicker
like an old slicker.
828
00:34:29,134 --> 00:34:32,402
You're right, Roscoe,
I-I did learn something.
829
00:34:32,471 --> 00:34:34,420
That was beautiful
shooting, mama.
830
00:34:34,490 --> 00:34:35,989
Thank you, Red.
831
00:34:36,057 --> 00:34:38,224
But, um, what
about our side bet?
832
00:34:38,293 --> 00:34:40,310
Well, what side bet?
833
00:34:40,378 --> 00:34:43,380
Well, as I recall, it
was winner's choice.
834
00:34:43,448 --> 00:34:46,449
Oh, yeah, uh... winner's choice.
835
00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:49,078
Well, I choose a
night out on the town.
836
00:34:50,855 --> 00:34:54,291
And since I got
the money, I'll buy.
837
00:34:54,359 --> 00:34:56,826
Well, I'll go along with that.
838
00:34:56,895 --> 00:34:59,529
I'll go along with...
and if I recall,
839
00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:01,364
there was another little bet
840
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,566
that hasn't been
paid off yet, either.
841
00:35:03,635 --> 00:35:05,068
What was that?
842
00:35:05,137 --> 00:35:06,403
The six kisses.
843
00:35:06,471 --> 00:35:08,187
I never collected
those, remember?
844
00:35:08,256 --> 00:35:12,074
Well, the night is
young and, uh...
845
00:35:12,143 --> 00:35:13,954
who knows what
might happen later?
846
00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:15,978
Yeah, that's something
to think about.
847
00:35:16,981 --> 00:35:18,247
Watch out, y'all.
848
00:35:18,317 --> 00:35:20,583
Big Red is coming through.
849
00:35:21,836 --> 00:35:24,136
That Red, you know,
850
00:35:24,205 --> 00:35:27,907
even when he loses, he wins.
851
00:36:00,875 --> 00:36:02,158
Hi.
852
00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:03,776
Pucker up.
853
00:36:03,845 --> 00:36:05,895
Come on, please, pucker up.
854
00:36:06,999 --> 00:36:08,231
Oh, perfect.
855
00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:10,400
Will you please
inflate my beach ball?
856
00:36:21,646 --> 00:36:23,580
♪ ♪
857
00:36:50,659 --> 00:36:52,592
Bert, what's a swinger tour?
858
00:36:52,661 --> 00:36:54,995
A three-letter word
for "in the groove."
859
00:36:55,063 --> 00:36:56,329
Ends in a "P."
860
00:36:56,397 --> 00:37:00,199
"Hip." What's a swinger tour?
861
00:37:00,268 --> 00:37:02,585
A swinger tour? Oh.
862
00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,054
It's probably the name of
the guy that runs it, like, um...
863
00:37:05,106 --> 00:37:06,623
Sidney Swinger.
864
00:37:06,691 --> 00:37:09,192
The guy that runs
it's named Pregison.
865
00:37:09,261 --> 00:37:12,295
Swinger is the tour our
daughter Kim is taking to Europe.
866
00:37:12,364 --> 00:37:13,841
Hmm. Now listen.
867
00:37:13,865 --> 00:37:17,500
"Bachelors and bachelorettes,
868
00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:21,004
"enjoy a wild, free-swinging,
no-holds-barred tour
869
00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,122
"of the sinful,
wicked, fun capitals
870
00:37:23,191 --> 00:37:24,841
"of the world.
871
00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:28,978
Anything goes on this foreign
frenzy of frivolous frolic."
872
00:37:29,047 --> 00:37:31,047
Now, Bert, what
do you think of that?
873
00:37:31,717 --> 00:37:34,684
Sounds great.
874
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:37,003
A five-letter word for garbage.
875
00:37:37,072 --> 00:37:38,771
Bert.
876
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,607
No, that's four letters.
877
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:42,625
Bert, I'm talking
878
00:37:42,694 --> 00:37:43,943
to you.
879
00:37:44,012 --> 00:37:45,012
I don't like it.
880
00:37:45,046 --> 00:37:45,996
I'm worried.
881
00:37:46,064 --> 00:37:47,347
About what?
882
00:37:47,416 --> 00:37:49,415
Well, about Kim
going on this trip.
883
00:37:49,483 --> 00:37:53,119
Oh, honey, for heaven's
sake, Kim is not a kid anymore.
884
00:37:53,187 --> 00:37:55,087
She's, uh, she's almost 18.
885
00:37:55,156 --> 00:37:56,400
That's what worries me.
886
00:37:56,424 --> 00:37:57,724
Anyway, she won't
be going alone.
887
00:37:57,792 --> 00:37:58,903
Denny's taking the trip, too.
888
00:37:58,927 --> 00:37:59,927
He'll take care of her.
889
00:37:59,961 --> 00:38:02,139
Well, that worries me even more.
890
00:38:02,163 --> 00:38:03,095
Denny?!
891
00:38:03,164 --> 00:38:04,463
Oh, my. They...
892
00:38:04,533 --> 00:38:06,377
They've been going together
now for almost two years.
893
00:38:06,401 --> 00:38:07,478
And what do you suppose
894
00:38:07,502 --> 00:38:09,981
they've been
doing all that time?
895
00:38:10,005 --> 00:38:13,172
I suppose they do the usual
things that young people do.
896
00:38:13,241 --> 00:38:16,776
Oh, Bert, you're
so naive. What...
897
00:38:16,845 --> 00:38:19,979
Don't you read, uh, well,
Ladies Home Journal?
898
00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:21,681
Cosmopolitan?
899
00:38:21,750 --> 00:38:24,551
Did you read last
month's Garden Beautiful?
900
00:38:24,619 --> 00:38:26,536
I haven't read any
month's Garden Beautiful.
901
00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:30,640
Well, I can tell you what
it's about in one word: sex.
902
00:38:30,708 --> 00:38:32,625
S-E-X.
903
00:38:32,693 --> 00:38:37,363
Hey, I think that's the
one I need for 22 across.
904
00:38:37,432 --> 00:38:39,410
Bert, put down that puzzle.
905
00:38:39,434 --> 00:38:42,535
Now, our daughter
is heading for trouble.
906
00:38:42,604 --> 00:38:44,637
Oh, not our little girl.
907
00:38:44,706 --> 00:38:45,706
Oh, why not?
908
00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:48,725
Honey, Kim is just a kid.
909
00:38:48,793 --> 00:38:50,643
She's not even 18.
910
00:38:50,712 --> 00:38:53,913
Bert, don't you realize
what's going on in the world?
911
00:38:53,982 --> 00:38:55,909
On our very own block?
912
00:38:55,933 --> 00:38:57,583
Now, you know Mrs. Bergen.
913
00:38:57,652 --> 00:38:58,885
You know her daughter Linda.
914
00:38:58,953 --> 00:39:02,271
Oh, the little, uh, blonde
kid on the blue bicycle.
915
00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:05,007
Bert, she hasn't been
on a bicycle for years.
916
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,827
She has a boyfriend
now with a Volkswagen,
917
00:39:07,895 --> 00:39:10,496
and Bert, she's only 16.
918
00:39:10,565 --> 00:39:11,497
Well, so what?
919
00:39:11,566 --> 00:39:12,899
So this.
920
00:39:12,968 --> 00:39:16,535
Every morning before Linda gets
up, her mother mashes up a pill
921
00:39:16,605 --> 00:39:19,555
and stirs it into
Linda's orange juice.
922
00:39:19,624 --> 00:39:20,890
W-What kind of pill?
923
00:39:20,959 --> 00:39:22,608
The pill.
924
00:39:22,677 --> 00:39:24,043
The pill.
925
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:26,012
Well, that is disgusting.
926
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,781
That is disgusting.
927
00:39:28,850 --> 00:39:32,485
No, it's like, like insurance.
928
00:39:32,553 --> 00:39:35,722
Are you suggesting that
we mash up or, uh, slip a pill
929
00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:38,157
into-to, um, Kim's orange juice?
930
00:39:38,226 --> 00:39:41,628
Well, I... I have
given it some thought.
931
00:39:41,696 --> 00:39:43,696
Oh, listen, why can't you
just be honest with her?
932
00:39:43,765 --> 00:39:44,998
For heaven's sa...
933
00:39:45,066 --> 00:39:47,834
why can't you just come
right out a-and, and ask her?
934
00:39:47,902 --> 00:39:49,235
Well, ask her what?
935
00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:50,848
Ask her if she intends to g...
936
00:39:50,872 --> 00:39:53,172
Sure, sure.
937
00:39:53,241 --> 00:39:54,440
You're her mother.
938
00:39:54,509 --> 00:39:55,808
How can I ask her that?
939
00:39:55,877 --> 00:39:58,428
Besides, how could she know?
940
00:39:58,496 --> 00:40:01,497
She could go not intending
and come back... expecting.
941
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,500
Oh, what are you talking about?
942
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:06,285
A kid under 18?
943
00:40:06,354 --> 00:40:08,087
You know when she'll be 18?
944
00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:10,256
On June 27.
945
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:11,535
That's right,
946
00:40:11,559 --> 00:40:14,010
and you know where
they'll be on June 27?
947
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:14,978
Where?
948
00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:17,246
In gay Paris.
949
00:40:17,315 --> 00:40:19,331
Holy smoke.
950
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,751
What do you think they're
going to do on her birthday?
951
00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:24,119
Watch French television?
952
00:40:24,188 --> 00:40:25,555
No.
953
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:29,826
They'll go to some hot show
like, like the Folies Bergère,
954
00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:32,428
where that sawed-off
painter used to go.
955
00:40:32,497 --> 00:40:34,580
Then they'll, they'll
tank up on that...
956
00:40:34,649 --> 00:40:37,349
French champagne.
957
00:40:37,418 --> 00:40:39,496
Then he'll take her
back to the hotel.
958
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:40,831
Do you think he'll be satisfied
959
00:40:40,855 --> 00:40:42,366
to just kiss her good night
960
00:40:42,390 --> 00:40:44,957
with no parents
upstairs waiting?
961
00:40:45,026 --> 00:40:46,092
I'll kill him.
962
00:40:46,161 --> 00:40:47,560
That's what I'll
do, I'll kill him.
963
00:40:47,628 --> 00:40:49,874
Now, Bert, I'm not saying
that he's not a nice boy,
964
00:40:49,898 --> 00:40:52,481
but let's face it,
he's only human.
965
00:40:55,620 --> 00:40:58,787
Listen, would you like
to go along on the trip
966
00:40:58,856 --> 00:41:00,990
a-and slip the pill
into her orange juice?
967
00:41:02,927 --> 00:41:05,928
I don't know if they even
have orange juice there.
968
00:41:05,997 --> 00:41:07,546
All they drink is, is wine.
969
00:41:07,615 --> 00:41:10,633
Wine?
970
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:12,952
The poor kid doesn't
stand a chance.
971
00:41:13,020 --> 00:41:16,321
The point is: No
matter what she drinks,
972
00:41:16,390 --> 00:41:18,357
who's going to
get the pill into it?
973
00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:23,195
Why not ask her
boyfriend to do it?
974
00:41:23,264 --> 00:41:25,331
Yes.
975
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,732
Yes.
976
00:41:26,801 --> 00:41:31,070
Now, for the first
time, you're thinking.
977
00:41:31,139 --> 00:41:32,571
Helen, you can't be serious.
978
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:33,650
Well, of course.
979
00:41:33,674 --> 00:41:35,986
We could pretend
that it was, um,
980
00:41:36,010 --> 00:41:37,587
well, some vitamin
that Kim's taking.
981
00:41:37,611 --> 00:41:39,723
We could make
up a little story and,
982
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,348
well, we could talk him into it.
983
00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:46,585
Yeah, okay, okay.
984
00:41:46,654 --> 00:41:48,520
Uh, ask him over.
985
00:41:48,589 --> 00:41:49,833
Oh, thanks, Bert.
986
00:41:49,857 --> 00:41:51,936
I knew you'd see it my way.
987
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:52,960
What?
988
00:41:52,994 --> 00:41:56,528
Well, he should be
here any moment now.
989
00:41:56,597 --> 00:41:57,529
You mean tonight?
990
00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,009
Well, I asked him at 8:00.
991
00:41:59,033 --> 00:42:01,233
It's, it's 8:00.
992
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:06,705
There he is now,
right on the dot.
993
00:42:12,847 --> 00:42:13,887
Good evening, Dennis.
994
00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:15,826
Good evening, Mrs. Parker.
995
00:42:15,850 --> 00:42:17,066
Good evening, Mr. Parker.
996
00:42:17,135 --> 00:42:18,518
Hi.
997
00:42:19,621 --> 00:42:21,820
Uh, would you
care for some fruit?
998
00:42:21,889 --> 00:42:22,889
Oh, no.
999
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:24,335
Or a glass of milk
with some cookies?
1000
00:42:24,359 --> 00:42:26,125
No, no, thanks, I just ate.
1001
00:42:26,194 --> 00:42:27,893
How about a slug of wine?
1002
00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,862
Bert.
1003
00:42:29,930 --> 00:42:31,030
I don't drink wine.
1004
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,884
Thanks anyway.
1005
00:42:34,953 --> 00:42:37,297
Well, my goodness, there's...
1006
00:42:37,321 --> 00:42:39,666
there's no reason
to be so stiff, Dennis,
1007
00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:42,391
just because Kim isn't around.
1008
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:45,561
Well, sit down, relax.
1009
00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:50,082
Uh... maybe, maybe you'd be
more comfortable in the armchair.
1010
00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:53,185
That is my ch...
1011
00:42:53,254 --> 00:42:56,989
I suppose we're all a
little bit edgy over this trip.
1012
00:42:57,058 --> 00:42:58,557
It's the, uh,
1013
00:42:58,626 --> 00:43:01,144
it's the first time Kim will
have been away from home.
1014
00:43:01,212 --> 00:43:02,823
Well, you don't need
to worry, Mrs. Parker.
1015
00:43:02,847 --> 00:43:04,029
I'll take good care of her.
1016
00:43:06,718 --> 00:43:08,684
I'm sure you will, Dennis,
1017
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:12,655
but, well... we, uh,
1018
00:43:12,724 --> 00:43:14,690
we have this problem.
1019
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:19,662
Uh, I suppose the best way
is to take the bull by the horns.
1020
00:43:19,731 --> 00:43:22,047
You see these pills, Dennis?
1021
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,254
Well, they're a sort of vitamin.
1022
00:43:28,323 --> 00:43:29,599
Yes, yes, that's it.
1023
00:43:29,623 --> 00:43:31,824
And the reason we
asked you over...
1024
00:43:31,893 --> 00:43:33,259
Well, we don't want Kim to know.
1025
00:43:33,328 --> 00:43:35,005
There's no reason
to alarm her. No.
1026
00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:39,098
But she has this sort of,
uh, well, a blood deficiency.
1027
00:43:39,167 --> 00:43:40,282
Mm.
1028
00:43:40,351 --> 00:43:42,663
It's nothing serious,
you understand.
1029
00:43:42,687 --> 00:43:45,705
It's just something
that sort of, uh, runs
1030
00:43:45,773 --> 00:43:49,541
in my husband's
side of the family.
1031
00:43:49,610 --> 00:43:52,845
Anyway, she's perfectly normal
as long as she gets the pill.
1032
00:43:52,914 --> 00:43:53,845
Mm-hmm.
1033
00:43:53,914 --> 00:43:55,676
Uh, one daily, usually.
1034
00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:58,851
Well, the instructions
are all there.
1035
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,169
All you have to do is
1036
00:44:00,238 --> 00:44:02,821
to slip it into her drink
without her knowing it.
1037
00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:05,925
I'm sure you'll be
able to manage.
1038
00:44:05,993 --> 00:44:08,194
I've been doing it for years.
1039
00:44:09,314 --> 00:44:11,948
You've been
doing it for year...?
1040
00:44:12,016 --> 00:44:15,000
Mrs. Parker, I just happen
to know what those pills are.
1041
00:44:15,069 --> 00:44:16,218
You do?
1042
00:44:17,455 --> 00:44:19,204
How come?
1043
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:22,725
My mother takes them.
1044
00:44:22,793 --> 00:44:25,194
And she's not suffering
from any rare blood disease.
1045
00:44:26,213 --> 00:44:27,493
Oh, listen...
1046
00:44:27,548 --> 00:44:29,815
why must we beat
around the bush like this?
1047
00:44:29,884 --> 00:44:31,951
Why can't we discuss
this openly and frankly
1048
00:44:32,019 --> 00:44:33,319
like modern people?
1049
00:44:33,388 --> 00:44:34,704
Living in a modern world.
1050
00:44:34,772 --> 00:44:37,089
Yeah. Don't help me.
1051
00:44:37,158 --> 00:44:41,276
All right, Dennis,
so now you know.
1052
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:43,846
The situation i-is
self-explanatory.
1053
00:44:43,915 --> 00:44:45,380
Well, not to me it isn't.
1054
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:50,786
You've actually been
slipping those pills into her...
1055
00:44:50,855 --> 00:44:53,956
No, she hasn't.
1056
00:44:54,025 --> 00:44:56,225
As long as you and Kim
were here in this country,
1057
00:44:56,294 --> 00:44:59,028
she didn't think
it was necessary.
1058
00:44:59,097 --> 00:45:01,214
Why not?
1059
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:03,177
Babies get born
in this country, too.
1060
00:45:03,201 --> 00:45:05,300
Are you implying
1061
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:08,137
that there may be, uh,
a reason to anticipate...
1062
00:45:08,206 --> 00:45:10,022
I'm not implying anything.
1063
00:45:10,090 --> 00:45:12,410
You're sure that you haven't
done anything t-to, to...
1064
00:45:12,476 --> 00:45:13,476
No, we haven't.
1065
00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:16,712
Come on, don't give us that.
1066
00:45:16,781 --> 00:45:19,314
Look, we, we read
Esquire and Look.
1067
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,534
I even read Reader's Digest.
1068
00:45:21,602 --> 00:45:23,953
And we've seen
Good-bye, Columbus.
1069
00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:25,120
Yeah.
1070
00:45:25,189 --> 00:45:27,117
I don't care what
you've seen or read.
1071
00:45:27,141 --> 00:45:31,110
I'm telling you we haven't
done anything wrong.
1072
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,632
How come?
1073
00:45:36,701 --> 00:45:37,633
How come?
1074
00:45:37,702 --> 00:45:39,202
I mean...
1075
00:45:39,270 --> 00:45:40,837
Oh, my heavens, she
hasn't any hang-ups?
1076
00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:43,839
I, I mean, she's,
uh... normal, isn't she?
1077
00:45:43,908 --> 00:45:46,175
It w-wouldn't be your fault.
1078
00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:47,159
Oh, Dennis,
1079
00:45:47,228 --> 00:45:49,478
you seem like such
a nice, normal boy.
1080
00:45:49,546 --> 00:45:50,813
Wow, you're...
1081
00:45:50,881 --> 00:45:54,450
Now, Dennis, please,
let's, let's try to keep calm.
1082
00:45:54,519 --> 00:45:56,552
It's not easy to bridge
the generation gap,
1083
00:45:56,621 --> 00:45:59,422
but Mrs. Parker
and I here are willing
1084
00:45:59,490 --> 00:46:02,190
to take the broad-minded,
modern view.
1085
00:46:02,259 --> 00:46:06,945
We realize that, uh, moral
standards have, have changed.
1086
00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:09,514
Are you trying to
say it's all right?
1087
00:46:09,583 --> 00:46:12,084
All right for what, Dennis?
1088
00:46:12,152 --> 00:46:14,265
All right for Kim and I to...
1089
00:46:14,289 --> 00:46:15,954
No!
1090
00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:17,323
Of course not, of course not.
1091
00:46:17,392 --> 00:46:19,925
What in the world ever
gave you that idea?
1092
00:46:19,994 --> 00:46:22,628
Well, you sure seem
to be setting us up for it,
1093
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:24,074
telling me how modern you are
1094
00:46:24,098 --> 00:46:25,809
and you providing
us with the pill.
1095
00:46:25,833 --> 00:46:28,601
No, no, you don't get the idea.
1096
00:46:28,670 --> 00:46:32,471
We're, we're trying to, to, to
protect you... well, uh, both of you.
1097
00:46:32,540 --> 00:46:34,640
Look.
1098
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:36,242
Now, you and Kim have read this,
1099
00:46:36,311 --> 00:46:40,913
uh, swinger tour,
all about this, right?
1100
00:46:40,981 --> 00:46:43,533
Now, don't tell me that that
didn't give you any ideas.
1101
00:46:43,601 --> 00:46:46,068
Well, sure, it gave us ideas.
1102
00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:47,620
We have ideas all the time,
1103
00:46:47,688 --> 00:46:49,833
but nothing is going to happen,
1104
00:46:49,857 --> 00:46:52,002
at least not the kind of
thing you're talking about.
1105
00:46:52,026 --> 00:46:53,058
That's easy to say,
1106
00:46:53,127 --> 00:46:55,378
that's very easy to say.
1107
00:46:56,430 --> 00:47:00,549
The question is... why not?
1108
00:47:01,702 --> 00:47:03,686
That's the question?
1109
00:47:03,754 --> 00:47:05,521
That is the question.
1110
00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:06,889
The whole question?
1111
00:47:06,957 --> 00:47:08,623
The total question.
1112
00:47:10,411 --> 00:47:13,029
All right, then, I'll
give you the answer.
1113
00:47:13,097 --> 00:47:17,449
It's just the way we
happen to feel about it.
1114
00:47:17,518 --> 00:47:19,151
That's all.
1115
00:47:29,897 --> 00:47:32,381
How long have you, uh,
have you felt this way?
1116
00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:35,467
Ever since we've
known each other.
1117
00:47:42,093 --> 00:47:43,242
Oh, my.
1118
00:47:45,113 --> 00:47:47,980
Kim should be, uh,
getting back soon.
1119
00:47:48,048 --> 00:47:49,215
Oh, please, stay, Dennis.
1120
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:50,649
She'll be so happy to see you.
1121
00:47:50,718 --> 00:47:52,100
Yes.
1122
00:47:52,169 --> 00:47:56,772
If you don't mind, I'd...
I'd rather not tonight.
1123
00:47:56,841 --> 00:47:58,824
I feel kind of funny.
1124
00:47:59,927 --> 00:48:03,929
Well, all right, Dennis.
1125
00:48:03,998 --> 00:48:06,198
I'm sorry.
1126
00:48:06,267 --> 00:48:08,717
If you'd rather go...
1127
00:48:08,786 --> 00:48:10,620
I really would.
1128
00:48:10,688 --> 00:48:12,621
Good night, Mr. Parker.
1129
00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:14,289
Oh, yes, good night. Good night.
1130
00:48:14,358 --> 00:48:16,918
Good night, Dennis.
1131
00:48:23,835 --> 00:48:25,835
You know, that's the
trouble with kids today.
1132
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:27,136
What?
1133
00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,138
Parents.
1134
00:48:58,553 --> 00:49:01,503
♪ ♪
1135
00:49:25,579 --> 00:49:27,112
And that's all
that's preventing us
1136
00:49:27,181 --> 00:49:28,113
from getting married?
1137
00:49:28,182 --> 00:49:29,248
Yes.
1138
00:49:29,316 --> 00:49:31,616
Okay, okay, we'll bring
the kids up Jewish.
1139
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:45,373
Why don't you kiss me like that?
1140
00:49:57,411 --> 00:50:00,145
Oh, that was great!
1141
00:50:00,213 --> 00:50:01,324
I'm Fern Gordon.
1142
00:50:01,348 --> 00:50:02,348
Lamar Neddleman.
1143
00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:03,696
Nice to meet you.
80036
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