Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,705
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:10,042
I'm waiting for my
ship to come in.
3
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,946
? Love, love ?
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,650
? Love, love ?
5
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,419
? Love, American Style ?
6
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:24,522
? Truer than the
red, white and blue ?
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,993
? Love, American Style ?
8
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,463
? That's me and you ?
9
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:38,770
? And on a star-spangled
night, my love ?
10
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,605
? You can rest ?
11
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:45,476
? You can rest your
head on my shoulder ?
12
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:50,148
? Or by the dawn's
early light, my love ?
13
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,716
? I will defend ?
14
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:56,155
? I will defend
your right to try ?
15
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,958
? Love, American Style ?
16
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,727
? That's me and you. ?
17
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,883
Tonight, you will see
18
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,808
three separate views
of love, American style:
19
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,788
A husband who's so busy looking
20
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,046
he forgets to keep
an eye out for his wife,
21
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,215
the collision of
an irresistible force
22
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,150
with a very movable object,
23
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:28,153
and our first story about the
key to a successful honeymoon,
24
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:32,090
which we call:
25
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:56,848
Let's go.
26
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,717
Oh, what a fascinating store.
27
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,298
Honey, what a time
to look at antiques.
28
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:05,257
Sweetheart, our room
won't be ready for 20 minutes.
29
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,072
The most important
moment of our life,
30
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,274
and we have to wait until
the honeymoon suite's ready.
31
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,465
Darling, we've got a
whole lifetime ahead of us.
32
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,679
Unless there's an earthquake
in the next 20 minutes.
33
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,569
Oh, you stop that.
34
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,072
Help you?
35
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,308
Oh, no, thank you.
36
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,944
We're just looking
at all the lovely things.
37
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,013
Help yourself.
38
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,080
Oh, thank you.
39
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,255
How do you hook
this thing on here?
40
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,256
Can't.
41
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:45,257
Why not?
42
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,336
It ain't a sword belt,
43
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,603
it's a Crusader belt.
44
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:48,826
Oh.
45
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,262
What did the
Crusaders use it for?
46
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,175
They didn't, their wives did.
47
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,433
Wives?
48
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,768
Why would a woman need
a big heavy metal belt like...
49
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,539
This isn't one of those, uh...
50
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,574
Sure is. Really?
51
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,311
Those poor Crusader wives.
52
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:09,481
Germans called them
Kreuscheidt girdle.
53
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,394
Think what the
wives called them.
54
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:16,321
This is, uh... it's very sturdy.
55
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,434
Had to be.
56
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,018
Some long wars in them days.
57
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,796
And I'm worried
about 20 minutes.
58
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:27,799
This is the last thing
I need right now.
59
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,008
It's, uh... it's stuck
or something.
60
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,009
T'ain't stuck.
61
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,122
Well, something's holding it.
62
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,290
It's locked. Locked?
63
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,913
Well, if you'll just
give me the key...
64
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:42,914
Ain't no key.
65
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,449
Ain't no key?
66
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,896
Had a key I'd be getting
more than $400 for it.
67
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,020
How do I get out of it?
68
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,789
The wives waited till their man
come home from the Crusades.
69
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,970
I don't have a man coming
home from the Crusades.
70
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,004
I know.
71
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,828
I guess you bought it.
72
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:57,829
Bought it?
73
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:58,908
You seen the signs.
74
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,376
If you bust it, you bought it.
75
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,899
Well, now wait, I
haven't busted it.
76
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,846
No, but you ain't
out of it either.
77
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,437
Well, don't worry,
I'll get out of it.
78
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,065
Be making up the
bill, if you need me.
79
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,346
The room should be ready.
80
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,626
Room should be ready?
81
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,983
I'll race you.
82
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,229
You run on up.
83
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,430
Me? Yeah.
84
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,120
Just me? Well, yeah, unpack,
85
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,933
take a bath, fix your
hair, order cocktails,
86
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,435
you know, do what brides do.
87
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,392
Honey, what's the matter?
88
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,160
Nothing, it's just...
89
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,162
I'm a prisoner of love.
90
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,497
What?
91
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,202
Sweetheart!
92
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,212
Well, don't you want to?
93
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,184
Yeah, of course I want to.
94
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,556
Whee!
95
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,827
It's an old war injury.
96
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,163
What's the matter?
97
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,478
Get rid of him.
98
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,001
There you are.
99
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,080
Thank you very much.
100
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,470
Thank you and, bye-bye.
101
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,872
Bye-bye.
102
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,500
Oh.
103
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,754
What happened?
104
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,011
It pinched me. My back.
105
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,713
What are we going to do?
106
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,649
We're going to get it off,
that's what we're going to do.
107
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,219
I love you so much.
108
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,859
That doesn't make it any easier.
109
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,928
Now let's see...
110
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,542
police department,
fire department...
111
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,066
I got it.
112
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,279
Mm-hmm.
113
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,202
Says it's a war injury.
114
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,004
You mean he's got a wooden leg?
115
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,207
No, more like a tin leg.
116
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,281
Desk.
117
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,517
A what?
118
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,620
Yes, ma'am, right away.
119
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:36,855
It's her.
120
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,200
What'd she want?
121
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,390
A locksmith.
122
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,670
A locksmith?
123
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,561
A locksmith.
124
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,740
Hmm.
125
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,298
If men could have
trusted their wives,
126
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:49,534
they never would have
had to make these things.
127
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,235
Nothing personal.
128
00:07:58,445 --> 00:07:59,445
Where is it?
129
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,412
What?
130
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,746
The luggage that won't open.
131
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,058
Happens all the time. Oh, no.
132
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,427
No, it isn't the luggage.
133
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,750
Closet.
134
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,385
No, it's not the closet.
135
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,086
Bathroom?
136
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,323
Mm-hmm, what'd you
do, lock yourself in?
137
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,890
Yes... I mean, no.
138
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,537
Do you mind? May I?
139
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,927
We'll get these back to you
140
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,607
as soon as we get
through with them.
141
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,191
And thank you very much. Bye.
142
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,769
Honey...?
143
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,508
Locked himself in the bathroom?
144
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:31,509
Seems like.
145
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:34,078
Hmm, scared most like.
146
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,391
She's a fighter.
147
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:36,759
Going right in there after him.
148
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,083
She's a fighter.
149
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,851
Well?
150
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,064
It's no use.
151
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,199
The only locksmith in town
152
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,783
is away on a
three-day fishing trip.
153
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,925
I wonder how much
it costs to fly him in.
154
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,540
Better still, why
don't we fly you out...
155
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,707
To Boston!
156
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,931
I can't get on a plane
wearing this thing!
157
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,234
Let's be calm. I am calm.
158
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,147
The trouble is, there's
just no give. It's rusty.
159
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,271
If I just had something
to make it slippery.
160
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,315
Won't believe this.
161
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,037
I'll take that.
162
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,227
No trouble at all, ma'am.
163
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,596
Do you mind?
164
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,176
Say, you folks are the
honeymoon couple, ain't ya?
165
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,132
That's right.
166
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,945
Ain't nothing wrong, is there?
167
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,570
No, it's just that my
husband is a little rusty.
168
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,046
Rusty.
169
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,615
That's what she said.
170
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:00,265
It's no good.
171
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,599
I know.
172
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,046
Why don't you do
what any woman does
173
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,630
when she gets a ring
stuck on her finger?
174
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,677
Darling, no luck?
175
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,011
No luck.
176
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,491
We've got to do something fast.
177
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:16,726
I'm beginning to rust.
178
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,750
Well, why don't you
just give it one big yank?
179
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:21,378
The trouble is I
got no leverage.
180
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,489
You do it. Me?
181
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,091
Hurry up. I'll hang
on, you'll pull.
182
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:29,960
Pull!
183
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,061
I am pulling!
184
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,031
Coming...!
185
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,660
Harder, I think it's coming.
186
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,448
Ow!
187
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,483
Don't fight me.
188
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,039
I am not fighting you.
189
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,376
Listen, if you don't relax,
it's not going to work.
190
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,645
All right, pull.
191
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,850
It's slippery.
192
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:57,955
Now look what you've done.
193
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,791
I thought you said come in.
194
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,091
More soap.
195
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,794
Compliments of the house.
196
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,465
That's right.
197
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,211
And she managed
to get the door open
198
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,880
and she was a-draggi"
him out the bathroom
199
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,414
and him hanging on to the basin
200
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:13,805
yelling for dear life.
201
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,708
Scared, that's
what he is, scared.
202
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,548
Desk.
203
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:24,616
Oh, yes, ma'am.
204
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,417
It's her.
205
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,753
Yes, ma'am.
206
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,955
A what?
207
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,524
Yes, ma'am, right away.
208
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,671
What'd she want?
209
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,162
A hacksaw.
210
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,064
Can't figure it out,
211
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,600
unless he's got himself
handcuffed to that old sink.
212
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,229
One thing I'll say for her,
though, she's a fighter.
213
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,939
Oh, she's a fighter.
214
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,012
Say, lady, it's none
of my business...
215
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,379
You're right, it isn't.
216
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,062
No, April, not that.
217
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,318
Darling, it's the only way.
218
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,319
No, honey, please.
219
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,633
Sweetheart, you
don't have to worry.
220
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:04,822
I'll be very careful.
221
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,624
After all, I don't want
anything to happen
222
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,404
any more than
you do. It's not that.
223
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,195
Honey, if we saw it off,
they won't take it back.
224
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,532
$400 down the
drain just like that.
225
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,667
$400.
226
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,902
That's right, $400.
227
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,531
You do understand, don't you?
228
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,076
Oh, I understand all right.
229
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,477
What's that supposed to mean?
230
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,524
You took the same course
in psychology that I took.
231
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,959
You know perfectly
well what it means.
232
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,148
Tell me.
233
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,617
As Freud says,
234
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,719
nothing ever
happens by accident.
235
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,153
Are you suggesting...?
236
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,000
Well, who put the thing
on in the first place?
237
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,657
April?
238
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,193
And think what it is.
239
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,106
I mean, just think
what it's called.
240
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,775
Don't you see anything
significant in that?
241
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,866
You mean you actually think...
242
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:49,979
Oh, let's be honest, Steve.
243
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,202
Are you afraid of me?
244
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,203
Afraid of you?
245
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,482
Because if you've
got any problems
246
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,717
you'd better tell me right now.
247
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,586
Listen, you ought to
be afraid of me. Why?
248
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,788
Because I'm about to
bust you right in the mouth.
249
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,612
Steve... So much for Freud.
250
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,959
Now, we've got to think.
251
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:06,484
How do we get this
off without busting it?
252
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,685
Houdini.
253
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,253
Houdini?
254
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,055
Darling, that's all
he did his whole life
255
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,556
was escape from things.
256
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,906
Sure, jails, handcuffs,
257
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,471
coffins, chained and
thrown into the sea.
258
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,739
Kid stuff.
259
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,608
Houdini never had to
escape from anything like this.
260
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,832
But the principle is the same.
261
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,332
Do you know how he did it?
262
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,800
Relaxation.
263
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,869
He just sort of let his
muscles go like jelly.
264
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:28,506
You know, all limp and
sort of slithered out of things.
265
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,053
April, that takes
years of practice.
266
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,045
We'll call a doctor and
get him to give you a shot.
267
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,014
Something to make you go all...
268
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,318
Temporarily.
269
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,757
Desk.
270
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,426
It's them.
271
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,761
Yes, ma'am.
272
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,131
Yes, ma'am.
273
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,134
Oh, yes, ma'am. Right away.
274
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,601
What'd they want now?
275
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,869
A doctor.
276
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,271
I think she's hurt him.
277
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,639
She's a tiger.
278
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,275
Well, if he can't handle her,
279
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,510
he shouldn't have married
her in the first place.
280
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:07,946
That's what I say.
281
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,647
Can't handle her.
282
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:14,251
Mrs. Knapp, I want you to feel
perfectly comfortable with me.
283
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,586
Now how long has it been
284
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,022
since your husband locked
himself in the bathroom.
285
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,568
Oh, Doctor, you
don't understand.
286
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,258
You don't have
to pretend with me.
287
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,593
The bellboy told me.
288
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,907
Oh, listen, Doctor, you
really don't understand.
289
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:25,863
Hello, Doctor.
290
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,031
Oh, hello...
291
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,466
Oh.
292
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,036
Did you, um...
293
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,106
injure yourself in some
athletic event at school?
294
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,540
No, Doctor.
295
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,642
No?
296
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:44,182
Good heavens, is that a... a...?
297
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,184
I mean... is that a...?
298
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,651
Yes.
299
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,616
I think you need
professional help.
300
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,460
I'm sorry, it won't work.
301
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,129
What about Houdini?
302
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,663
I can relax his
muscles all right,
303
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,432
but I can't collapse his bones.
304
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,934
Here, take one or two of these.
305
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:04,368
What are they? A sedative.
306
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,148
Will that get him
out of the belt?
307
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,405
No, but it'll give me
a chance to think.
308
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,141
Oh, yes, yes,
I've got it. That's it.
309
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,353
A locksmith, that's the answer.
310
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,855
We tried, Doctor,
he's out of town.
311
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,213
I know, but his father's
here and that's even better.
312
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:18,482
He's an old locksmith
and that's an old lock.
313
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,871
Don't just sit there, Doctor,
give him a call, please.
314
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,456
Well, well, well.
315
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,691
We haven't had a
case like this in...
316
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,728
As a matter of fact, we've
never had a case like this.
317
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,507
Mr. Wharton, I didn't
know what it was
318
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:35,177
and when I put the thing on... Oh,
please, please, please, please, please.
319
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:38,136
Just one at a time.
320
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,682
Mr. Wharton, this
is our wedding night
321
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,551
and my husband is locked up.
322
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,855
Can you help me?
323
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:48,112
She means can you help us.
324
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:52,784
That's a very artistic piece
of workmanship, young man.
325
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,618
Do you mind if I examine it?
326
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,588
To your heart's content,
but after I'm out of it, please.
327
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,858
It's a very
interesting inscription.
328
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,794
Yes, it may afford us a clue.
329
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,296
What does it say?
330
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:11,202
Well, translated it says
"make war not love."
331
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,205
You know, there's a
very marvelous story
332
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,475
they tell about King Arthur.
333
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,377
He was going off to the war,
334
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,146
so he locked Guinevere
up in one of those things,
335
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,315
and then he tried
to think of someone
336
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,816
he could give the key to.
337
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,186
In case of an emergency.
338
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,721
And he thought and he thought.
339
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,357
And he finally decided
340
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,026
that the only one of the
knights at the Round Table
341
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,895
that he could give it
to was Sir Lancelot.
342
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,563
Then King Arthur
left for the wars
343
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,367
and he hadn't gotten any
further than the bottom of the hill,
344
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,203
when Sir Lancelot
came galloping after him,
345
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:49,374
waving his arms and yelling,
"Your majesty! Your majesty!
346
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:53,044
You gave me the wrong key!"
347
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,151
Mr. Wharton, can't
you do something?
348
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,353
Do something?
349
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,155
To get him out of it.
350
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,157
Oh, you want to
get him out of it?
351
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,603
Yes! Yes!
352
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,727
Why didn't you say so?
353
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,262
Of course I can do something.
354
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,064
Now just a minute.
355
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,198
Stand right there.
356
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,378
Stand right there, understand?
357
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,735
And don't move. Don't move.
358
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:22,940
Now then, one, two, three.
359
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,878
How?
360
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,780
Just tell me how.
361
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,682
It's very simple.
362
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:36,120
In those days the rich women
used to bribe the locksmiths
363
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,922
to put in an escape latch.
364
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,425
Yes, indeed.
365
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:44,062
Locksmiths really
swung in them days.
366
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,074
Darling, close your eyes now
367
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,276
and don't open them
until I tell you, okay?
368
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,440
Okay, you can open them now.
369
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,483
Steve?
370
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,953
I said you can open them now.
371
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,388
Steve!
372
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,557
April, I'm sorry, honey.
373
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,525
I just can't stay awake.
374
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,328
Darling, wake up! Steve!
375
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,264
Oh, I can't, honey.
I'm just too tired.
376
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,399
Those pills.
377
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,534
Steve! Steve!
378
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:46,190
A penny for your
thoughts, Lamar.
379
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:14,251
Okay.
380
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,986
Oh, come on in.
381
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,601
Oh, I'm sorry to put you
through all the trouble
382
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,585
of seeing me home,
but there's been
383
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,405
so many burglaries
in this building lately.
384
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:25,207
That's all right, I
was glad to do it.
385
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,375
After all, you were nice enough
386
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,943
to stay and work
late at the office.
387
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:32,303
Oh, I enjoy working
late... with you.
388
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,139
Well... ditto.
389
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,644
Well, I guess
everything is A-OK then.
390
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,646
Oh, don't go.
391
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,859
I want you to come
in the bedroom.
392
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,483
Yeah?
393
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,751
It won't take long.
394
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,387
Yeah?
395
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,296
All clear. No prowlers.
396
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,697
Right.
397
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,811
Well, don't you want to
take your hat off? Well...
398
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,446
I've got the best
roast beef. No, I...
399
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,315
Oh, come on, let me
make you a sandwich.
400
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,438
No, no, no, really.
401
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,051
It's delicious. I
don't want anything.
402
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,387
But you didn't have any
supper, you've got to be starved.
403
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,110
No, no, I'm not. I'm not hungry.
404
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,157
I never eat. I never
eat. Isn't that funny?
405
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,414
When I get home anyway,
406
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,482
my wife will probably
have something for me.
407
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,319
She usually does, always.
408
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,722
Oh, I met your wife last
week in the office, remember?
409
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:25,723
Oh?
410
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:26,724
Yes, yes, I do.
411
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,626
Yes, that was her. Yeah.
412
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,135
Pretty good looking
woman, isn't she?
413
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,330
Oh, yeah. Well, she's no...
414
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,565
but she's uh, she's
a wonderful person.
415
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,434
She really is.
416
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,668
We've been married 14 years.
417
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,780
14 years! Yeah, yeah.
418
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,037
Oh, wow.
419
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,707
Looks pretty good for
14 years, doesn't she?
420
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:45,075
She's a wonderful person.
421
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,810
We really get along beautifully.
422
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,747
We... we really hit it off...
a good deal of the time.
423
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:53,083
Well, look, I better
be shoving off.
424
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,453
She'll be worrying.
425
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,222
Didn't you call her and tell
her you'll be working late?
426
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,558
Yeah, yeah, that's
why she'll be worrying.
427
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,226
Doesn't she trust you?
428
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,328
Oh, of course she does, yes.
429
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,097
She doesn't have any
reason not to trust me.
430
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:10,134
Or if she does, she
never knew about it.
431
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:13,003
Well, look, I better
be shoving off.
432
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,871
Okay, see you Monday.
433
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:17,941
Good night.
434
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,776
Are you having
trouble with that?
435
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,690
Oh, yes, I can never
get these things...
436
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:24,348
Well, you've got a man here,
you might as well use him, huh?
437
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:31,755
Oh, sometimes it just
takes a couple of good taps.
438
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,627
Oh!
439
00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:38,562
Holy cow.
440
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,063
Did you cut yourself?
441
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,432
I don't know.
442
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,700
Oh!
443
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:44,879
Oh... What a mess.
444
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:46,115
Oh, you ruined
your beautiful suit.
445
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,771
Oh, dear.
446
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,973
Oh, hurry, listen,
listen, slip it off
447
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,509
so that I can sponge it off.
448
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,522
No, no, no, I've got to
get out of here, it's late.
449
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,312
No! It's after 11:00.
450
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:57,515
Well, you can't go like that.
451
00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:59,861
It's just a little stain,
nobody will notice.
452
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:01,918
What will your wife think?
453
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,455
Oh, come on, come on,
it'll only take a second.
454
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,168
Come on. I don't know...
455
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:08,103
We're going to get
it all on the inside...
456
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:11,629
Go on, and give me
your trousers, please.
457
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:20,771
Yeah?
458
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:21,905
Made you a drink.
459
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:23,718
Oh, great, how's my
suit coming along?
460
00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:25,676
It's coming along.
461
00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:26,744
Can you hurry?
462
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,813
Wouldn't you be
463
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:29,925
more comfortable out here?
464
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,916
All I'm wearing is a towel.
465
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,552
Oh, well, that's all
they wear in Hawaii.
466
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:37,488
Come on.
467
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,623
This is, this is San Jose.
468
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,325
What do you think
of my round bed?
469
00:22:41,394 --> 00:22:42,993
Isn't that different?
470
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,662
Yeah, how do you make it?
471
00:22:45,731 --> 00:22:49,766
I mean how do you
change the sheets?
472
00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:53,570
The one we've got at home
is just like it, only it's square.
473
00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:57,508
But our dining
room table is round.
474
00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:00,110
Yeah, everybody
talks about the bed.
475
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,446
Cal Freedman
calls it the Coliseum.
476
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:04,081
Cal Freedman?
477
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:05,715
Freedman in accounting?
478
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:08,052
This will take a
little while to dry.
479
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,219
He's been here?
480
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,288
Oh, a few times.
481
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:14,057
Freedman?
482
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,393
He's...
483
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:16,394
he's married.
484
00:23:16,462 --> 00:23:18,763
I know.
485
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:21,265
Married men are nicer.
486
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,100
Do you know the minute I met you
487
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:25,013
I knew right away
that you were married.
488
00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:26,077
Because you're nice.
489
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,305
Oh, I...
490
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:29,874
Oh, yes, you're wonderful
491
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:33,277
to work with and
to be with and...
492
00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:36,213
are you sure you've
never been to Hawaii?
493
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:38,616
No, why?
494
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,752
Oh, I don't know, you just
look very nice in that towel.
495
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,031
Yeah?
496
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,656
Like one of those sun gods.
497
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,024
Well...
498
00:23:52,531 --> 00:23:54,909
Well, how about some
more of this stuff, huh?
499
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,300
Oh, make me one.
500
00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:00,237
Cal Freedman, huh?
501
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,106
How do you like that?
502
00:24:02,174 --> 00:24:03,440
My wife's always saying,
503
00:24:03,509 --> 00:24:06,577
"God old, Cal, why can't
you be more like him?"
504
00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:07,722
Well, it's getting late,
505
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,257
I think you better
call your wife.
506
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,214
Who, Alice?
507
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,282
No, no problem.
508
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:14,884
I think when a man's
been married for 14 years
509
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:17,521
he's entitled to be a
little late now and then.
510
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:36,306
Hey, Big Chief, are
you watching the time?
511
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:37,941
Oh, the evening is young.
512
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:39,075
Forget it.
513
00:24:41,113 --> 00:24:43,880
Listen, I sure had
you pegged wrong.
514
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:46,883
You know what the girls at
the office had to say about you?
515
00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:48,418
What?
516
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,047
They said you were a homebody.
517
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,726
They didn't say whose
body my home was in,
518
00:24:56,795 --> 00:24:59,029
or whose home my body was in.
519
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,568
Squaw, got-em more
firewater somewhere?
520
00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:05,917
In there.
521
00:25:07,439 --> 00:25:08,705
Oh!
522
00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,287
Then we'll see what
games we've got scheduled
523
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:14,156
for the old coliseum
tonight, huh?
524
00:25:25,324 --> 00:25:28,592
Oh, that's... Okay.
525
00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:29,771
I'm easy, okay?
526
00:25:29,795 --> 00:25:30,905
No.
527
00:25:30,929 --> 00:25:33,597
Ah, here's a
charming spot, isn't it?
528
00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:34,931
Won't you join me?
529
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,933
Surely.
530
00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:37,934
Now...
531
00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:39,269
where were we?
532
00:25:39,338 --> 00:25:41,183
You know something, Mr. Travis?
533
00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:42,517
You're really very charming.
534
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,773
I'm not Mr. Travis.
535
00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:45,942
"Mark" as in "bark."
536
00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:50,325
Where's the old flame-thrower?
537
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,482
It's over there.
538
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,817
It was right...
539
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,352
My watch.
540
00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:56,620
Forget the time.
541
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:57,765
No, but it's gone.
542
00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,067
The time? No, my watch.
543
00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:02,559
And the lighter, it
was right here in...
544
00:26:02,628 --> 00:26:03,938
Wait, there's
somebody been here.
545
00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:05,829
Now, Miss Hollings,
what kind of game
546
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,897
are you trying to play
on old Mark the Bark?
547
00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:10,526
Your clothes! Your
clothes, your clothes.
548
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:12,780
He must have come
in through the window.
549
00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:14,371
My clothes.
550
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,572
There's no sign of anybody.
551
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:16,573
He just got away.
552
00:26:16,642 --> 00:26:17,752
With my clothes!
553
00:26:17,776 --> 00:26:19,710
Oh, no. No. No, no.
554
00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:20,711
This can't be happening.
555
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:21,712
Call the police. Huh?
556
00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:23,157
Call, call the police. Yes.
557
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:24,448
The police.
558
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:25,582
What am I doing?!
559
00:26:25,651 --> 00:26:26,961
Why aren't you
calling the police?
560
00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:27,985
Are you crazy?
561
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:29,586
Me and you in your
apartment like this?
562
00:26:29,655 --> 00:26:31,199
But it's my watch,
my beautiful watch!
563
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,123
You can forget your watch.
564
00:26:33,191 --> 00:26:34,258
You can get another watch,
565
00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:35,592
but can I get another marriage?
566
00:26:35,661 --> 00:26:36,926
That's the problem.
567
00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:38,840
I wonder if he took
anything from the bedroom.
568
00:26:38,864 --> 00:26:40,597
Oh, boy, boy, boy.
569
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,132
Oh, this is beautiful.
570
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,645
A thousand guys
out there, a million
571
00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:45,113
and they're all
getting away with it,
572
00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,604
and me, my first time
out and I've got to wind up
573
00:26:47,673 --> 00:26:49,984
with my picture on the front
page, wrapped in a towel.
574
00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:50,940
Bedroom's okay.
575
00:26:51,009 --> 00:26:51,941
You can forget that!
576
00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:54,077
The problem is my clothes!
577
00:26:54,146 --> 00:26:55,378
How can anybody
578
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,949
be so low as to sneak
into a girl's apartment
579
00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:00,283
in the middle of the night
580
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,130
and steal the pants
of a faithful husband
581
00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:04,755
married 14 years!
582
00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:06,557
I'm terribly sorry.
583
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:07,936
Why don't you call your wife?
584
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,137
She'll bring you some clothes.
585
00:27:09,161 --> 00:27:10,894
You can't be serious.
586
00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,563
What do you think
she'll be thinking?
587
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:13,942
Why should she think anything?
588
00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:15,276
We didn't do anything wrong.
589
00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:18,902
Don't you have any sense
of decency or morality?
590
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:21,572
Herb Foreman! I'll call Herb.
591
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:22,818
He's a great guy.
592
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,285
Lives right across
the hall from me.
593
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,487
He's a real operator.
594
00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:26,721
He's always getting
in scrapes himself.
595
00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:27,889
He'll know what to do.
596
00:27:27,913 --> 00:27:29,324
He'll bring me some
clothes down here
597
00:27:29,348 --> 00:27:31,908
and he'll keep his mouth shut.
598
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,917
Hello, Betty?
599
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,251
Mark Travis.
600
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,820
Say, is Herb there?
601
00:27:36,889 --> 00:27:38,121
He's what?
602
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,122
He's with me?
603
00:27:39,191 --> 00:27:40,390
Yes, yes, I know he is.
604
00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:42,070
Yes, he just went out
for some cigarettes.
605
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:44,054
Here he is now.
Hi, Herb. Bye, Betty.
606
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:45,740
How do you like that?
607
00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:46,996
He's out with me.
608
00:27:47,065 --> 00:27:50,266
I know, you can wait till
morning when the stores open.
609
00:27:50,336 --> 00:27:52,180
Yeah, and the
divorce courts open.
610
00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:54,604
Oh, why me, why me?
611
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:55,939
Oh, got it!
612
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,852
There's a friend of
mine, lives across the hall.
613
00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:58,942
He's just about your size.
614
00:27:59,010 --> 00:28:00,655
Could you ask
him? Sure, come on.
615
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,324
Yeah, but, maybe
he'll be in bed.
616
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:03,413
No, he gets home late.
617
00:28:03,482 --> 00:28:04,414
Oh, good.
618
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,883
He's a lieutenant
on the Vice Squad.
619
00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:08,218
Vice Squad?
620
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:09,931
Oh, I don't deserve this.
621
00:28:09,955 --> 00:28:12,088
I... I don't deserve this.
622
00:28:12,157 --> 00:28:13,437
I've lived a good life.
623
00:28:13,492 --> 00:28:14,936
I give regularly to
the United Fund,
624
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,404
I give blood to the Red Cross.
625
00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:18,005
I buy Girl Scout
cookies every year.
626
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,240
And look what it got me.
627
00:28:19,264 --> 00:28:21,142
Stuck somewhere
on the third floor
628
00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:22,944
at 1:00 in the morning
in my underwear.
629
00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,946
But it's not your fault. Mmm.
630
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:28,905
You can write that on the
top of the property settlement.
631
00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:31,107
We'll think of something.
632
00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:32,442
Me!
633
00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:34,288
A guy who never spilled a drop
634
00:28:34,312 --> 00:28:36,179
of mayonnaise in his life.
635
00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:38,582
And it has to be a whole jar.
636
00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,116
And it has to be here!
637
00:28:40,185 --> 00:28:41,585
And it has to be the night
638
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,631
some clothes-happy
kleptomaniac is on the loose.
639
00:28:43,655 --> 00:28:45,255
Well, maybe...
640
00:28:45,323 --> 00:28:50,026
if I talk to your wife, then
we could settle everything.
641
00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:52,128
This doesn't seem right.
642
00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,808
Ought to be someplace
where a decent citizen
643
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:55,443
can get a hold
of a pair of pants
644
00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:56,477
at 1:00 in the morning.
645
00:28:56,501 --> 00:29:00,437
I know who's got some pants.
646
00:29:00,505 --> 00:29:01,538
Who?
647
00:29:01,607 --> 00:29:03,018
Why didn't I think
of that before?
648
00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:03,974
Who, who? Me!
649
00:29:04,043 --> 00:29:04,975
You? Yes.
650
00:29:05,044 --> 00:29:06,543
Yes, and a shirt, too.
651
00:29:06,612 --> 00:29:09,546
Mr. Travis, you're
just as good as home.
652
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:21,939
Are you Mr. Travis?
653
00:32:22,007 --> 00:32:23,206
What is it?
654
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,685
Oh, you saw me out the window.
655
00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:25,876
I wasn't going to jump!
656
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:27,822
I was just getting some
air into the bedroom.
657
00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:30,113
No, it's about this suit.
658
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,615
Patrol car over
on the South Side
659
00:32:32,684 --> 00:32:34,418
picked up this burglary suspect.
660
00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:36,619
It isn't mine. It's not mine.
661
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:38,956
You could tell better
if you had some light.
662
00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,008
My wife's a light sleeper.
663
00:32:47,032 --> 00:32:48,076
She's not a light sleeper.
664
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,144
Light wakes her up.
665
00:32:49,168 --> 00:32:50,767
Now, about this suit.
666
00:32:50,836 --> 00:32:51,879
It's not mine.
667
00:32:51,903 --> 00:32:53,303
We found your wallet in it.
668
00:32:53,372 --> 00:32:55,683
Oh. Well, come to think
of it, maybe it is mine.
669
00:32:55,707 --> 00:32:57,352
Isn't that funny? I
never even missed it.
670
00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,143
And we found this
watch. It's not mine.
671
00:33:00,212 --> 00:33:02,612
I guess we'll have to keep
on looking for the real owner.
672
00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:04,814
Come to think of
it, maybe it is mine.
673
00:33:04,883 --> 00:33:05,949
Maybe it's my wife's.
674
00:33:06,018 --> 00:33:08,385
Well, that should
be easy to tell.
675
00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:09,919
There's an inscription.
676
00:33:09,989 --> 00:33:13,790
"To the wildest... from Tarzan"?
677
00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:17,794
Yeah, yeah, that's hers.
678
00:33:17,863 --> 00:33:19,129
She, uh... pet names.
679
00:33:19,198 --> 00:33:20,675
You know, when,
when we were younger.
680
00:33:20,699 --> 00:33:22,932
If you'll just sign a receipt.
681
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:25,268
I wouldn't have bothered
you this time of night,
682
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:27,937
but I thought you might
be worried about the wallet.
683
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,286
I appreciate it.
684
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,940
Yeah, well, there's
some details we need,
685
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:33,476
like where the suit
was taken from...
686
00:33:33,545 --> 00:33:34,944
How about if I drop down
687
00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:37,613
to the station house
in the morning?
688
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:39,282
Okay. I gotcha.
689
00:33:47,893 --> 00:33:48,958
What's going on?
690
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:50,960
What are you doing?
691
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,295
Playing Little Bo Peep?
692
00:33:52,363 --> 00:33:54,164
It's nothing, nothing.
693
00:33:54,232 --> 00:33:55,364
Nothing?
694
00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:56,866
A cop here in the middle
695
00:33:56,935 --> 00:33:57,867
of the night?
696
00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:59,047
The whole thing is just...
697
00:33:59,071 --> 00:34:00,915
it's just a silly
misunderstanding.
698
00:34:00,939 --> 00:34:02,717
I took my secretary
home after work
699
00:34:02,741 --> 00:34:05,342
and this prowler broke
in and he stole my suit.
700
00:34:05,411 --> 00:34:06,453
He made you get undressed?
701
00:34:06,477 --> 00:34:08,412
No.
702
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,647
I-I wasn't wearing
it at the time.
703
00:34:10,715 --> 00:34:12,882
Well...
704
00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,362
Look, it was nothing like that.
705
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:15,796
I took my secretary
home after work
706
00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:17,865
and she asked me up
for a roast beef sandwich.
707
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,924
Before you knew it, you
were both out of your clothes.
708
00:34:20,992 --> 00:34:22,225
That's beautiful.
709
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:24,393
I'm telling you,
nothing happened.
710
00:34:25,797 --> 00:34:26,797
Nothing?
711
00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:29,399
Yes, Herb, something did happen.
712
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:31,067
I learned a big lesson tonight.
713
00:34:31,136 --> 00:34:33,696
Someone up there helped me.
714
00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:36,272
But if I get out of
this thing tonight,
715
00:34:36,341 --> 00:34:39,008
I swear I'll never even
think of another woman.
716
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,144
Steady pal, you're pretty tired.
717
00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,456
You don't know
what you're saying.
718
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,282
Why do guys do it? Why?!
719
00:34:45,350 --> 00:34:46,827
Look at me... I'm
a nervous wreck.
720
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,751
The lies, the deceit, the guilt.
721
00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:49,986
It's not worth it.
722
00:34:50,055 --> 00:34:52,100
What do they tell their
wives when they come home
723
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,290
at all hours of the night?
724
00:34:53,358 --> 00:34:54,558
Alibis are no problem.
725
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,659
You just gotta keep it
a little simple, you see.
726
00:34:56,728 --> 00:35:00,297
Like you're taking a shortcut
home and you had a flat tire.
727
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:01,431
That's foolproof.
728
00:35:01,499 --> 00:35:02,665
Wives always buy that.
729
00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:05,568
Yeah, well, my
wife won't have to.
730
00:35:05,637 --> 00:35:08,471
There'll be no flat tires
or shortcuts in this house.
731
00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:11,108
Okay.
732
00:35:11,176 --> 00:35:13,977
But you're sure ruining
my faith in human nature.
733
00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:41,471
Alice?
734
00:35:49,014 --> 00:35:50,280
Alice?
735
00:35:57,022 --> 00:35:58,555
"Gone to my sister's.
736
00:35:58,624 --> 00:36:00,290
"Won't be late.
737
00:36:00,359 --> 00:36:01,424
Love, Alice."
738
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:05,595
Well, we did it.
739
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,096
We really made it, you and me.
740
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,566
We're home free.
741
00:36:09,635 --> 00:36:11,234
You crazy kid.
742
00:36:11,303 --> 00:36:13,903
All that worrying for nothing.
743
00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:15,905
Mr. Wonderful.
744
00:36:33,992 --> 00:36:37,460
Hello, Holly. Mark.
745
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:39,262
Fine.
746
00:36:39,331 --> 00:36:41,309
You know, the, the
cops got your watch?
747
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:43,933
Yeah. I'll bring it in Monday.
748
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:46,135
What was there to worry about?
749
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,271
No trouble, I came
home and that was it.
750
00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:50,273
Sure.
751
00:36:50,342 --> 00:36:52,942
Yeah.
752
00:36:53,011 --> 00:36:55,478
It was fun, wasn't it?
753
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:58,281
Say, um...
754
00:36:58,350 --> 00:37:01,218
you know about the
convention next weekend?
755
00:37:01,286 --> 00:37:05,555
I think it might be pretty nice
if you could get down there.
756
00:37:05,624 --> 00:37:06,889
All right.
757
00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:08,891
We'll talk about
that Monday, too.
758
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,227
Yeah.
759
00:37:10,295 --> 00:37:11,894
Okay.
760
00:37:11,963 --> 00:37:13,230
Good night.
761
00:37:23,642 --> 00:37:25,575
It's after 3:00.
762
00:37:25,644 --> 00:37:27,244
Where could she be?
763
00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:46,929
Oh, Mark.
764
00:37:46,998 --> 00:37:48,042
You frightened me.
765
00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:49,932
A little late, isn't it?
766
00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:52,034
Well, it must be after 2:00.
767
00:37:52,104 --> 00:37:53,369
3:00. It's ten after 3:00.
768
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:54,904
Oh.
769
00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:58,274
Don't tell me you were at
your sister's all this time.
770
00:37:58,343 --> 00:37:59,943
Oh, no.
771
00:38:00,011 --> 00:38:02,878
As a matter of fact, I
left there hours ago.
772
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:04,880
Mark, I had the worst luck.
773
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,215
A flat tire.
774
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,186
A flat tire?
775
00:38:10,255 --> 00:38:12,888
Mm-hmm, on the shortcut.
776
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,936
Oh, Mark, it was just awful.
777
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,270
I didn't know what to do.
778
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,394
I even tried to
change it myself.
779
00:38:18,463 --> 00:38:20,441
A milk truck finally
stopped to help me,
780
00:38:20,465 --> 00:38:21,897
or I'd probably still be there.
781
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:23,566
A milk truck?
782
00:38:23,634 --> 00:38:24,867
What company?
783
00:38:24,936 --> 00:38:26,569
I don't know.
784
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:28,004
Oh, it was the one
785
00:38:28,073 --> 00:38:30,217
with the cow
painted on the side.
786
00:38:30,241 --> 00:38:31,674
They all have that.
787
00:38:35,981 --> 00:38:37,380
There must have been
788
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:39,082
a name or something?
789
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,850
No, it was too dark to notice.
790
00:38:40,918 --> 00:38:43,097
But light enough to see a cow?
791
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:44,753
What color was it?
792
00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:46,689
I don't know. What
difference does it make?
793
00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:48,869
A man's wife sees a
cow, it's perfectly normal
794
00:38:48,893 --> 00:38:50,771
for the husband to
want to know the color.
795
00:38:50,795 --> 00:38:52,895
I guess it was
brown. They all are.
796
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:54,931
Zip, darling, zip.
797
00:38:56,734 --> 00:38:59,502
Mark, when is your convention?
798
00:38:59,571 --> 00:39:01,471
Next weekend.
799
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,173
Why?
800
00:39:03,241 --> 00:39:06,576
Oh, I thought I might spend a
few days with Marge Howton.
801
00:39:06,645 --> 00:39:08,444
That wild woman?
802
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,046
She's fun.
803
00:39:10,114 --> 00:39:12,782
And as long as you're going to
be gone for the whole weekend,
804
00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,552
I could get an early start.
805
00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:17,520
At what?
806
00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:23,092
You know, I may decide
not to go to that convention.
807
00:39:23,161 --> 00:39:24,260
Oh, really?
808
00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:26,596
I thought you were looking
forward to getting away.
809
00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:28,264
I was.
810
00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:31,267
But obviously not as much as...
811
00:39:31,336 --> 00:39:32,768
What's this?
812
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:34,270
What's what?
813
00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:35,771
Looks like gloves.
814
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,985
Oh, they are, or were.
815
00:39:38,009 --> 00:39:42,144
I ruined them trying to
change that dumb tire.
816
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:44,480
You mean you really...
817
00:39:46,718 --> 00:39:48,184
Mr. Wonderful.
818
00:39:48,253 --> 00:39:51,287
Sure, you learned a lot.
819
00:39:51,356 --> 00:39:53,022
Honey?
820
00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,692
Honey?
821
00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:59,763
Look, I think I'd like to
go to that convention.
822
00:39:59,831 --> 00:40:04,300
Well, I... I wish
you'd go with me.
823
00:40:04,369 --> 00:40:07,136
Well, if that's what
Mr. Travis wants,
824
00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:10,473
then, uh... Mrs. Travis
would be delighted.
825
00:40:11,943 --> 00:40:14,544
I think being with you is
going to be a lot more fun
826
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:15,545
than being with Marge.
827
00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:16,891
And I think being with you
828
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:19,193
is going to be a lot more
fun than being with...
829
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:21,250
the boys.
830
00:40:23,321 --> 00:40:27,089
I don't know whatever
possessed me to think I could do it.
831
00:40:27,158 --> 00:40:28,892
It's the first and the last time
832
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,060
I will ever try
anything like that.
833
00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:33,689
I know exactly how you feel.
834
00:40:45,377 --> 00:40:47,521
Well, maybe it is silly, Peggy,
835
00:40:47,545 --> 00:40:49,523
but it's the only
way I can be sure
836
00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:51,859
there isn't a man under the bed.
837
00:41:11,670 --> 00:41:13,436
Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Miller.
838
00:41:13,505 --> 00:41:14,515
Oh, hello, Oscar.
839
00:41:14,539 --> 00:41:15,539
I have your table ready.
840
00:41:15,607 --> 00:41:17,039
Right this way, please.
841
00:41:17,108 --> 00:41:18,941
Oscar... Yes?
842
00:41:19,010 --> 00:41:21,121
Oscar, listen, what's
going on in here?
843
00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:22,145
What?
844
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:25,114
That girl... has no clothes on.
845
00:41:25,183 --> 00:41:26,115
She's wearing a bikini.
846
00:41:26,184 --> 00:41:27,116
She's just topless.
847
00:41:27,185 --> 00:41:28,951
All of our waitresses
are topless now.
848
00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:31,064
Oh. When, uh,
did all this happen?
849
00:41:31,088 --> 00:41:32,822
Just today, but I've
been thinking about it
850
00:41:32,890 --> 00:41:35,169
since last week when the place
down the street went topless,
851
00:41:35,193 --> 00:41:36,626
and we went broke.
852
00:41:36,695 --> 00:41:37,960
Huh.
853
00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:39,562
Business has sure picked up.
854
00:41:39,631 --> 00:41:40,963
Better than ever.
855
00:41:41,032 --> 00:41:42,332
Well, some of the regulars
856
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,233
to reserve the
table by the year.
857
00:41:44,302 --> 00:41:46,302
Here we are.
858
00:41:46,371 --> 00:41:48,137
Be careful, Mr. Miller.
859
00:41:48,206 --> 00:41:50,473
Only our policy has
changed, Mr. Miller.
860
00:41:50,542 --> 00:41:51,974
Nothing else.
861
00:41:52,043 --> 00:41:53,309
Well, enjoy your lunch.
862
00:41:53,378 --> 00:41:54,644
I'll try.
863
00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:01,818
Hello, Mr. Miller.
864
00:42:01,886 --> 00:42:04,153
Oh.
865
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:05,388
Uh...
866
00:42:05,457 --> 00:42:07,122
Hello there, uh, uh, Gloria.
867
00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:14,430
Uh, how are, uh...
868
00:42:14,499 --> 00:42:15,765
How are things?
869
00:42:15,834 --> 00:42:17,600
I mean, how, how, how are you?
870
00:42:17,669 --> 00:42:18,968
Chilly.
871
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:21,148
What'll it be today,
the usual chef's salad?
872
00:42:21,172 --> 00:42:25,742
No, no, I-I think, uh...
873
00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:28,745
If you don't mind,
I-I'd like to, um...
874
00:42:28,813 --> 00:42:30,580
I'd like to look first.
875
00:42:30,648 --> 00:42:32,147
At the, uh, the menu.
876
00:42:44,596 --> 00:42:47,163
I thought you wanted
to look at the menu.
877
00:42:47,231 --> 00:42:49,398
I did? Oh, I did.
878
00:42:49,467 --> 00:42:52,168
I, uh, I...
879
00:42:54,706 --> 00:42:59,042
I, uh, I tell you, I, I,
I think I'll order later.
880
00:42:59,110 --> 00:43:01,578
Um... right now, uh,
881
00:43:01,646 --> 00:43:05,247
I think you can bring me
a, uh, a dry, uh... martini.
882
00:43:05,316 --> 00:43:06,749
Okay.
883
00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:09,018
One dry martini.
884
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:11,220
Heavy on the olives.
885
00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:14,624
Okay.
886
00:43:21,265 --> 00:43:24,533
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs.
Miller, he just went to lunch.
887
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:27,103
You missed him by not
more than five minutes.
888
00:43:27,171 --> 00:43:28,370
Oh, rats.
889
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,506
I wanted to tell
him the good news.
890
00:43:30,575 --> 00:43:33,142
Carol and I have just been
elected co-chairwomen
891
00:43:33,211 --> 00:43:35,511
of the SFAN campaign
892
00:43:35,580 --> 00:43:37,458
of our ladies club. SFAN?
893
00:43:37,482 --> 00:43:40,049
Stop Filth And Nudity.
894
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,050
Oh.
895
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:44,020
Well, congratulations,
Mrs. Miller.
896
00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:47,590
And you too, Mrs. Filth...
I mean, I mean, Flynt.
897
00:43:47,659 --> 00:43:48,802
Oh, thank you.
898
00:43:48,826 --> 00:43:50,760
Maybe we ought
to drop in on him.
899
00:43:50,828 --> 00:43:52,595
Oh, that's a good idea.
900
00:43:52,664 --> 00:43:54,642
Shall I call him and tell
him you'll be joining him?
901
00:43:54,666 --> 00:43:56,277
He's at the VIP Restaurant
right across the street.
902
00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:57,533
No, don't bother.
903
00:43:57,602 --> 00:43:59,446
I think it'd be more
fun to surprise him.
904
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:01,550
Come on. Okay. Bye-bye.
905
00:44:04,141 --> 00:44:06,509
Mr. Miller, your wife is
here with another lady.
906
00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:07,943
They'd like to
join you for lunch.
907
00:44:08,012 --> 00:44:10,613
All right, Oscar,
anything, anything.
908
00:44:13,518 --> 00:44:15,351
My wife?
909
00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:23,426
What...?
910
00:44:23,494 --> 00:44:24,927
Uh, pardon me.
911
00:44:24,995 --> 00:44:26,635
Oh, of course. Uh...
912
00:44:26,664 --> 00:44:28,597
Uh, George?
913
00:44:31,869 --> 00:44:33,135
What?
914
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,842
Oh... hello there, uh, Sally.
915
00:44:39,911 --> 00:44:42,244
Hi, uh, Carol.
916
00:44:42,313 --> 00:44:44,558
George, what are you
doing under the table?
917
00:44:44,582 --> 00:44:48,684
I, uh... dropped
my cigarette lighter.
918
00:44:48,753 --> 00:44:50,085
Can't you find it?
919
00:44:50,154 --> 00:44:52,221
Well, it's very dark down here.
920
00:44:52,289 --> 00:44:56,325
If I had my cigarette lighter,
it'd be a lot easier to find it.
921
00:44:56,394 --> 00:44:59,194
How about you girls coming
down here and helping me?
922
00:44:59,263 --> 00:45:02,598
George, will you quit
acting silly and get up here?
923
00:45:04,235 --> 00:45:05,479
Well, nothing silly
924
00:45:05,503 --> 00:45:09,304
about trying to save
a... a cigarette lighter.
925
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:11,440
I, I, uh...
926
00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:14,577
Well... uh...
927
00:45:14,645 --> 00:45:16,912
So, Sally...
928
00:45:18,315 --> 00:45:22,718
What is a nice girl like you
doing in a place like this?
929
00:45:22,787 --> 00:45:24,052
Place like what, George?
930
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:26,856
Oh, we have some good
news for you, George.
931
00:45:26,925 --> 00:45:30,193
Yes. We stopped by the office
to tell you, and you were here,
932
00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:31,906
so we thought we'd come
and join you for lunch.
933
00:45:31,930 --> 00:45:33,074
Great idea. Where do we go?
934
00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,775
Oh, what's the
matter with this place?
935
00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:36,177
Well, I'm tired of it.
936
00:45:36,201 --> 00:45:38,579
I'd like to go someplace
else for a change.
937
00:45:38,603 --> 00:45:39,880
Oh, this place is fine.
938
00:45:39,904 --> 00:45:41,670
I must say the
service isn't great.
939
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:43,020
I haven't seen a
single waitress.
940
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:44,673
Neither have I. You haven't?
941
00:45:44,743 --> 00:45:46,120
You haven't seen
a single waitress?
942
00:45:46,144 --> 00:45:47,144
Not one.
943
00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:48,377
See, you're right.
944
00:45:48,446 --> 00:45:49,846
The service here is rotten.
945
00:45:49,914 --> 00:45:51,180
Let's get out of here quick.
946
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:52,514
Oh, don't be silly, George.
947
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,862
If you eat here so often,
the food must be terrific.
948
00:45:54,886 --> 00:45:55,818
Let's stay here.
949
00:45:55,887 --> 00:45:58,054
Tell him the good news, Sally.
950
00:45:58,123 --> 00:45:59,055
Good news?
951
00:45:59,124 --> 00:46:00,735
Carol and I have been elected
952
00:46:00,759 --> 00:46:02,536
co-chairmen of the
Stop Filth And Nudity
953
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,526
campaign of our ladies club.
954
00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:06,796
No kidding.
955
00:46:06,865 --> 00:46:10,233
Well, why don't we go down
the street and stop some.
956
00:46:10,301 --> 00:46:12,501
I hear there's a topless
restaurant down there.
957
00:46:12,570 --> 00:46:14,637
We could go down
after lunch, George.
958
00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,183
Listen, I hear it's
actually much better
959
00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:18,318
if you do those things
on an empty stomach.
960
00:46:18,342 --> 00:46:19,508
Sit down, George.
961
00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:27,510
George, what are you doing?
962
00:46:27,551 --> 00:46:28,662
I just thought perhaps you-
963
00:46:28,686 --> 00:46:31,246
you'd like to
glance at the menu.
964
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,666
Here's your martini, Mr. Miller.
965
00:46:32,690 --> 00:46:34,857
Just slip it under the menu.
966
00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:37,671
No need to hold
it so close, dear.
967
00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:39,373
B-B-But, you see, I know, dear,
968
00:46:39,397 --> 00:46:41,541
but it's so dark in
here, you see, and I...
969
00:46:41,565 --> 00:46:42,498
George.
970
00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:43,566
Waitress.
971
00:46:45,503 --> 00:46:49,271
You know, honey,
I forgot to kiss you.
972
00:46:50,374 --> 00:46:52,274
Honey, not in public!
973
00:46:52,343 --> 00:46:54,810
Oh, George, how would it look?
974
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:57,813
The co-chairwoman
of the SFAN campaign
975
00:46:57,882 --> 00:46:59,815
being kissed in a restaurant?
976
00:46:59,884 --> 00:47:02,718
I'll be right back, sir.
977
00:47:02,787 --> 00:47:06,321
Saved by the bell covers.
978
00:47:06,390 --> 00:47:08,168
Telephone for Mr. Crane.
979
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:10,826
Mr. Jim Crane.
980
00:47:10,895 --> 00:47:14,396
Oh, boy, is it hot in here.
981
00:47:18,703 --> 00:47:20,347
George, what are you doing?
982
00:47:20,371 --> 00:47:21,651
Oh, just checking my coat, dear.
983
00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:23,206
I'll pick it up on the way out.
984
00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,252
This place is too hot. Ah,
that's good enough for me.
985
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:26,475
Let's go someplace else.
986
00:47:26,544 --> 00:47:28,189
I'm referring to
the temperature.
987
00:47:28,213 --> 00:47:30,773
Now, would you sit down?
988
00:47:32,217 --> 00:47:34,917
What is the matter with him?
989
00:47:34,986 --> 00:47:37,085
Would you care to order now?
990
00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:44,493
Uh, not now, waiter.
991
00:47:46,064 --> 00:47:47,863
Oh, my goodness.
992
00:47:47,932 --> 00:47:51,133
My goodness!
993
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:52,702
George!
994
00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:54,414
Are all the
waitresses like that?
995
00:47:54,438 --> 00:47:56,271
Uh, like what, dear?
996
00:47:56,340 --> 00:47:57,773
Like that!
997
00:47:57,842 --> 00:48:01,443
Um...
998
00:48:02,780 --> 00:48:04,257
My golly, I never noticed.
999
00:48:04,281 --> 00:48:05,213
You didn't?
1000
00:48:05,282 --> 00:48:08,717
I'm glad you pointed that out.
1001
00:48:08,786 --> 00:48:10,819
All the waitresses
in here are blonde.
1002
00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:13,489
Not a brunette in the bunch.
1003
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,157
Let's get out of here.
1004
00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:17,204
I refuse to eat in a
place that's prejudiced.
1005
00:48:17,228 --> 00:48:19,661
I am not referring to
the color of her hair!
1006
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:20,897
Well, I was.
1007
00:48:20,965 --> 00:48:23,032
I mean the way she's dressed.
1008
00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:25,045
She's wearing nothing
from the waist up!
1009
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:27,003
She's not?
1010
00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:29,105
You didn't notice that, either?
1011
00:48:31,175 --> 00:48:32,508
Notice what?
1012
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:34,877
The way she's dressed!
1013
00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:37,880
Why would I notice
a thing like that?
1014
00:48:37,949 --> 00:48:39,829
I'm not in the
clothing business.
1015
00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:44,486
All right.
1016
00:48:44,555 --> 00:48:47,422
I have a confession to make.
1017
00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:50,826
I am here... to do research.
1018
00:48:50,895 --> 00:48:52,061
Research?
1019
00:48:52,130 --> 00:48:54,074
What kind of research?
And this had better be good.
1020
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,799
Oh, it's good, it's good.
1021
00:48:56,868 --> 00:49:02,504
Uh, I'm here for the Stop
Filth and Nudity campaign.
1022
00:49:02,573 --> 00:49:05,474
I am one of their,
uh, secret agents.
1023
00:49:05,542 --> 00:49:08,276
Oh, George, don't be ridiculous.
1024
00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:10,446
A secret agent?
1025
00:49:10,514 --> 00:49:12,581
Okay, so I'm not a secret agent.
1026
00:49:12,650 --> 00:49:14,516
I'm a human being,
1027
00:49:14,585 --> 00:49:16,730
and human beings are
researching all the time.
1028
00:49:16,754 --> 00:49:20,056
It means nothing to me.
1029
00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:22,636
I mean, why don't
we just try to relax
1030
00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:26,728
and enjoy the rest of our
lunch despite our surroundings.
1031
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:29,431
George.
1032
00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:30,565
What?
1033
00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:32,735
You're buttering your hand.
1034
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:33,736
I am?
1035
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:35,604
That's absurd.
1036
00:49:35,673 --> 00:49:37,873
Ah... ah.. ahh...
1037
00:49:37,942 --> 00:49:39,222
Oh, I'm bleeding.
1038
00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:40,754
I-I-I may have to have stitches.
1039
00:49:40,778 --> 00:49:41,710
Stitches.
1040
00:49:41,779 --> 00:49:42,711
I'll call our doctor!
1041
00:49:42,780 --> 00:49:43,780
I'll get a taxi.
1042
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:44,747
I'll get the check.
1043
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:46,048
Be-be calm, dear.
1044
00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:48,216
Uh, uh, uh, Gloria, honey,
1045
00:49:48,285 --> 00:49:49,952
can I have the check please?
1046
00:49:50,021 --> 00:49:50,953
What's the matter?
1047
00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:52,198
I stuck my hand.
1048
00:49:52,222 --> 00:49:54,156
Oh, what a shame.
1049
00:49:54,224 --> 00:49:55,991
Maybe this will help.
1050
00:49:56,060 --> 00:49:58,326
Oh, thanks a million, Gloria.
1051
00:50:01,632 --> 00:50:03,309
George, Carol
has the taxi waiting.
1052
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:04,499
My hand's all better.
1053
00:50:04,568 --> 00:50:06,434
I don't have to
go to the doctor.
1054
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:07,981
Oh, yes you do. No, I don't.
1055
00:50:08,005 --> 00:50:09,638
Yes, you do!
1056
00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:11,640
Yes, I do.
1057
00:50:17,714 --> 00:50:19,448
? ?
1058
00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:25,687
I hear they're only staying
together for the kids.
71123
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof