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Hello to all my listeners,

if you have a difficult teen at home

turn up your radio now.

Today's guest is sure to interest you.

It's my pleasure to welcome

to our show One day, one book

Emma Renaud, psychologist and author of a funny and fierce book

about her 14-year-old daughter, Lila.

A bestseller in several countries.

Why is this book such a success?

Honestly, I don't know.

It must speak to people. I guess, I...

Maybe I've helped some parents feel less guilty

who might not go as far as I did.

I read the book, and my conscience is free!

Great. Or maybe too bad.

It's good. You can proudly say:

"I'm sick of my kid and look forward to when they sleep."

- Yes. - So bravo.

You write about upbringing.

- Is that important for you? - I think it's essential.

You always think you'll do better than other parents, than your own.

But you don't know who you'll be when there's a problem.

You can't.

- I thought I'd be a great mom. - You are a great mom.

I mean, almost.

- You're certainly "adorable". - Thank you.

ISN'T SHE LOVELY?

One year ago...

- Looks hot, huh? - Yes.

- Will you buy it? - Lila...

Please bestest mom in the world.

Of course.

You've already had 5 birthday presents.

Ok, fine.

Thank you!

Listen, your song! It's a sign.

Thank you.

Here, Mom. Take your glass.

A toast. Girls, you have orange juice.

Here you go...

Let's toast.

Fred, take a picture.

- And Dad? - He'll be late.

- Come on. - Look sharp, smile.

Cheese!

It's Dad!

Three years and he still has keys?

That's what I told her.

He must have made a dozen copies.

I'm here. Sorry for being late.

Happy birthday!

- Hip hip hip... - Hooray!

- Open your present. - What is it?

What could it be? It's a...

You're the coolest parents ever. I love you!

It's easy when your child is as adorable as you are.

- Thank you. - Mom.

- We said no comments. - I didn't make any.

She's like this thanks to 14 years of good communication.

No doubt, my dear.

I wish you many more years of happiness.

And that adolescence is not hereditary.

To Lila!

Goodbye my love. Big kiss.

- See you tonight. - Later.

I'd smash a pie in his face, but I respect cake too much.

It's depressing.

I understand, Mrs. Gonzalez. Excuse me.

- Please, go ahead. - Excuse me.

No, don't say that. You're just, well, married.

To a man that you live with,

work with and bake with. It's a lot.

You need to find your own space.

Is he attentive to your needs?

- Not at all. - That's it.

We've talked about it, and you say you still love him.

- Is that true? - Of course.

- But he's so... - Excuse me.

Your two neuroses aren't compatible, but tolerate one another.

I just want him to...

What's wrong?

It's Lila. May I?

Please.

- Yes? - Mom?

- It's me. - I'm in a session.

I don't want to swim today.

Can you send an email to the principal?

Well, you're not made of sugar, so you won't melt.

Talk to you later.

Forgive me. Where were we?

What have you done lately to make him notice you?

I refused to do his laundry, to make him dinner,

to have sex... - Oh no, that's not it at all.

That's all negative. You've forgotten the ground rule,

"Communicate without striking".

So let's innovate. Time to break the routine

with new cellular information.

Let me put it bluntly.

When did you last engage in a little fellatio?

You know what they say: A BJ a day...

Yes, it has been a while.

I'm afraid time's up.

See you next week.

- Already? - It goes by fast.

Thank you so much.

- Until next week. - Yes, thank you.

Goodbye.

- I hope the teacher's sick. - Or dead.

At least we have gym.

Are you ok?

Are you ok?

I've a knot in the pit of my stomach.

What's the matter? Tell me.

Come and sit next to me.

Oh, my sweetie. My beauty, come here.

What's the matter? Tell me.

Do you think I'm pretty?

I think you're beautiful.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I love you so much.

I love you more.

- No, I do. - No, I do.

- Tie? - Ok, a tie.

But I love you more.

I'd die without you.

Was there anything else?

- No, it's ok. - No?

- It's time for bed then? - Yes.

Has the knot gone?

It's got a bit smaller, but it's ok.

Sleep tight.

And sweet dreams.

My mom chewed me out for being on the phone so late.

- Doesn't your mom yell at you? - No, she's cool.

That's him.

- Hey! - Hey.

I remember you. Glad you're back on your feet.

- Nice. - Well...

Is that good?

Yes, it's Romeo and Juliet. I'm auditioning...

Are you going to see DJ J.V. Saturday?

Yeah. Everyone is.

You too?

I don't know, still deciding.

- See you. - Ok, come on. Hurry up.

Need a tissue?

- Why? - To wipe up that drool.

- Hurry, we have Delplanque. - I hate him.

Come on, Mom, please.

Everyone's going. Plus it will be really private.

You know I'm reasonable and trustworthy.

I could've slept over at a friend's

and snuck out. But I won't.

I should hope not. Incredible.

To start with, who's "everyone"?

I hate that concept. What does it even mean?

Everyone means no one. Is Margaux going?

Everyone except Margaux.

But you know Margaux, you know how she is.

So?

Mom, please. I'm begging you.

I have to go. Just Friday.

It's the party of the year. DJ J.V. is playing.

Who? I don't know who that is.

Are you serious? He's the best, most awesome...

Look, I have the flyer.

Honey, stop pushing it.

You know it's much easier for me to say yes than no.

I always say yes... or almost.

Then say yes, Mom.

But my role is to protect you.

14 is too young for a club. What will you do at 15 or 16?

You're not old enough yet. Look here.

"Minimum age: 16." Alright?

It's not about trust. Maybe I'm wrong.

When you have kids one day, you'll see.

I'm saying no because I love you.

That's complete crap.

It's like me making you miss Amir's concert.

Hardly.

I can go because I'm an adult who can decide for herself.

You must be celebrating inside.

What are you doing? Get up.

You'll be late for school.

- I'm on strike. - What?

I'll get up if you let me go out Friday.

It will be your fault

if I end up wasting my life.

Of course.

You know what? You've made your decision.

And I respect it.

I'm calm and I respect the decisions others make.

You're not actually old enough to decide on your own, but whatever.

I'm staying Zen.

My child is someone who is not me.

So, have a nice day, Lila.

- Hi, Isa. - Hey.

- You ok? - Yeah.

- Is Mom here? - Yes.

- Then I'll stop by later. - What's that look?

Come on in.

- What's wrong? - Lila's finally a teen.

She wants to go clubbing.

- Hallelujah! - Mom.

What? I didn't say anything.

I knew she'd take after her mother.

- And how are you? - Just great.

Another sleepless night thanks to your teething nephew.

I feel so un-maternal.

Send him to daycare early.

If I do, I might leave him there.

Chin up. Don't let it get you down.

Tonight is Amir.

Finally a night off.

I'm off. I've got patients today.

Kisses. Goodbye!

Seriously, clubbing at 14 is just stupid.

But you know what?

I'll push until she cracks.

That's dumb. With her it's better to just communicate.

I'm 14 and she still won't listen.

Don't be pathetic.

- I'm not. - We'll talk after the exam.

- Why not now? - After, I said.

Hurry up.

Yes?

Sir, we weren't told to study this for today.

So?

We reviewed metals, so you can't change the subject.

Come on, guys.

Lila, principal's office!

- But why? - Now!

You all stay seated!

Thank you, Sophie.

Lila protested again.

I'm sorry she did that. Thank you.

Come in.

Just two minutes. It's urgent.

What now, Victor?

The jingle of the century.

We said you'd stop barging in. This isn't a mill.

- You promised. - It's the jin...

- My patient is waiting. - The jingle of a lifetime.

- Like always. - It's really important.

If you don't approve, I get paralyzed.

- Fine. - For me,

you're a model under-50 housewife.

Under 40... 30.

- I'll take that as a compliment. - It is.

- Great. - So...

It's a reggae song, ok?

I love the taste I love the smell

Love to lick it Love to suck it

I love the taste I love the smell

From a spoon

Or off your behind

Well?

- What do you think? - Uh...

It's... I don't know. It's unusual.

- It's... - Genius!

It's chocolate.

Yes, but you get the image?

- The chocolate. - Yes.

- And a butt. - Yes.

- As long as it sells. - Exactly. You get it.

Well...

I said 2 minutes. Thank you.

Lila has been difficult lately. The school called.

- Why? - Nothing that bad.

Just protesting again.

But if she asks if she can go out, tell her no, ok?

Ok. But I would say yes.

I mean you used to.

That's no reason! I don't want some lowlife drugging her.

Or raping her.

Yes, exactly.

So much can happen, you never know.

Please do as I ask.

- I always do as you ask. - Right.

Victor! What a surprise.

Anne.

I'll get going so you can start badmouthing me.

- We'll start right away. - Bye.

Ok, great.

Excuse me.

And pick up your daughter from dance class!

- Don't worry! - So?

Isn't there a patient waiting?

- You're conflict-avoiding. - Close the door.

- So, what's his name? - Hugo. He's gorgeous.

- Hi, girls. - There's your dad.

- Bye, I'll call. - Bye, Nina.

- See you. - Goodbye.

You ok? No kiss for your old man?

So, what about today?

I had a chat with the principal about our jerk professor.

But at least I didn't get detention.

Your mom told me. Do you really have to protest everything?

- Well, I am the student delegate. - Right.

And dance class?

Yeah...

Do you want to talk or mope?

I know you'd say yes to me going out.

But Mom has you on a leash.

Woof woof.

Well. What's his name?

Uhh...

That's what I thought. Come here, baby.

Watch yourself.

- Ok. - Here.

- What's this? - It's called a contract.

Maybe I can help you a little.

It's not guaranteed to work, but it's worth a try.

This stays between you and me.

- It's hard! - Do you want to go out or not?

- Yes, but... - Well, there you go.

Contract. Thank you who?

- Thanks, Dad. - Kiss.

Hello, I'm home!

Don't leave your shoes out.

Hello, my dearest Mom.

- How was dance? - Good.

Here.

What's this? A contract?

It's the deal of your life.

"...Emma Renaud. I promise to do my homework.

Study. Pick up my towel.

Do dishes every night." Wow.

"And not upset my mother, Emma Renaud, for 8 months."

Sorry, honey, but my mind is made up.

- Seriously? - Yes.

But Mom, my life is at stake.

I have to go, please!

Sweetie, if he really likes you

he'll be happy to see you during the day.

- You know? - That has nothing to do with it.

You're a tyrant. I'm calling Dad.

That's it, call Dad. Say hello from me.

You can stay with him more if you want.

I don't feel like moving. I see him plenty.

Then I blame your bad mood on hormones.

I have to get ready for the concert.

Call Grandma. She left a message for you.

And pick up your shoes.

"I raise my daughter with communication and patience." Yeah, right!

Sorry. Hit a snag.

I'm so excited!

- Not valid, ma'am. - How's that?

- Please stand aside. - But I paid.

- I'm going in. - It won't scan.

Sir, there's a problem.

- Yes, the bar code won't scan. - What?

But I paid for this ticket. I...

- But... - ID card please.

Thank you.

Where is it? This can't be happening.

I don't have it. I switched bags.

This is absurd.

Sir, I'm begging you. Let me explain.

Amir is my cousin. This is a surprise.

He'll be disappointed. And it's my sister's party too.

Please, sir.

I'm begging you. I can't not be there.

- No ticket, no entrance. - It can't be real.

Look.

Is that me?

Emma.

No.

- Yes. - No.

Yes. Hello?

Emma?

Hey.

- You okay? - Yes, I'm fine.

- How was the concert? - Terrible.

Worst night ever. I couldn't get in.

Really? That sucks.

You said it, it sucked.

- I'm so sorry. - That's kind of you.

- Everyone else got in? - Yes.

- You want some tea? - No, thanks.

I guess now you know how it feels to be left out.

Yes, that's true.

Can I have some cereal?

I'm so ashamed of suspecting her.

Damn, I'll never make it to adolescence.

If it was her, I have some ideas to put her off trying again.

I managed to keep your sister from going through all that.

Yes and now I hang around you all the time.

Mom, you're why I became a shrink.

Anyway, I'm doing the opposite. I let it slide.

Stay cool. Whatever.

Besides, it's just a hunch.

As you wish, but if I were you I'd be careful.

Lila is angry about this club issue.

And an angry teen can be unpredictable.

Did she say something?

Nothing.

I'm going shopping for your dad's birthday later.

You really want to come for dinner?

- Yes. - Yes.

- You don't prefer a restaurant? - Mom, no!

I'm tired of being your slave.

There you have it. I will become my child's slave.

- You ok, Isa? - No.

I invited Victor.

What? Mom, you're incorrigible.

You think this is funny?

You could have asked me first.

I don't always want him around.

No matter what I say, you get annoyed.

Mom.

She's right.

Really, Lila? You're wearing pyjamas?

Yup.

To go straight to bed like a little baby.

- Enough, Lila, get dressed! - No.

Hold on, your mother's right.

And it would be more respectful to your grandparents.

No.

I understand your anger, but I won't respond to it.

Wear your PJs if it amuses you to see your grandfolks this way.

Stop talking to me like a patient.

Don't take that tone.

Have you two finished?

Next time let's all wear slippers.

- Hilarious. - Just like you.

You know how much your mother and I are for gentle parenting methods

based on listening.

Your mom had me read a Scandinavian study

that says to talk openly... - No, no.

Don't talk to me about sex. I promise I'm not doing it.

I should hope not!

So, when you were conceived, your mother had...

A kind of surge in my libido.

I don't want to hear about your sex life.

According to the study,

these repeated hits to my belly...

...maybe they disrupted

that gentle period of gestation

which is why unconsciously... - I can't hear you.

So, sweetie, I'm ever so sorry,

for those occasional... penile intrusions.

- We're sorry. - Yes.

You guys are crazy. But...

I'll forgive you if you let me go out.

Too bad. It didn't work.

What didn't work?

The Swedes say if the child is not receptive, it didn't suffer.

So you're not a total brat due to the...

...of your father.

At least we tried, huh?

What is it? You look worried.

Has Isabelle been acting a bit weird?

What do you mean? Weird how?

She never wants sex. It's abnormal.

Here, my love. A present.

I think it's a number two.

Go on.

Your husband is worried. Seems you're never in the mood?

What?

He told you that?

The nerve. When should I be in the mood?

- At work with Mom? - I don't know.

I'm sick of it.

This kid is ruining my life.

Oh, my poor thing.

- Hello, Auntie. - Hello.

- You want to ask me something? - Oh, yes.

Could you explain to your sister

that nowadays people go to clubs when they're only 14.

I'll die if I don't go.

If only it were that easy.

Just steal your mom's car.

Then you can save on the taxi.

Thank you, how charming.

- Mom! - Oh, come on!

- I can't joke around? - Very funny.

Lila, could you lend a hand?

Dinner will be ready in 2 minutes. Please clear the table.

Surprise!

I was also 14 once. Now get upstairs.

SEDATIVE

Yes, what is it?

Sorry.

I acted stupidly. I wasn't thinking.

I just wanted to go so badly.

I know, I'm annoying.

But I love you. I love you very much.

A toast to peace?

- I don't know. - Please.

- You realize what you were about to do? - Yes.

- You understand? - Yes.

Can I trust you after this?

Yes.

- So we start over? - Yes.

To our peace.

Thank you, Mom.

My life is over, but I understand.

Stop saying that. Your life's not over.

You're just a pain.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

And don't tell Dad, please.

We'll see.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

My God!

- I'm so happy. - Me too.

There he is.

- Wish me luck. - Good luck.

- Excuse me. Hey! - Hey!

- You made it? - Yup.

Cool.

Ok, I'll leave.

- Nice T-shirt. - Thanks.

You want a drink?

- A Coke please. - A Coke, really?

- Yes. - Ok.

Two Cokes, please.

- Pretty cool, huh? - Yup.

What time is DJ J.V. on?

- In about an hour. - Ok.

- Why? You going home soon? - I just wanted to know.

- Something's up, let's go see. - Yeah.

Hands in the air if you snuck out tonight!

You snuck out too?

We're going home. Get your stuff. Now.

You little twerp.

It's not that bad, huh?

I will never forgive you!

Teenagers. First you torture, then you're a victim.

- I am the victim! - No, you don't get it.

I am. You drugged me, remember?

It's fine, it was just a sedative.

You can't complain, you did it too once!

Yes, go ask Grandma what my punishment was.

You'd be afraid.

I've always been so nice.

Patient. Understanding. Why are you like this?

You just embarrassed me for life and you call that nice?

But that was nothing.

Real embarrassment is wearing glitter hot-pants

and flashing everyone, like my mom did.

And so you don't start again, you know what?

No going out until the year's over.

But that's messed up!

You're against punishments!

This is no punishment, it's protection.

Which reminds me. Where is it?

Ah! Here.

Your new phone. You'll love it.

It's old-school.

Here, I'll put in the SIM.

Give me your phone!

Give me your phone!

Mom, please. Let me keep it just until tomorrow.

You'll get used to it.

It's not a touch screen, you use the buttons.

Isn't it good I have spare keys?

Thanks for coming.

- Is she upstairs? - Yes.

Did your mom put you up to this?

No, why do you mention her?

It's Scandinavian conflict resolution.

- Really? - My mom was cruel,

I've opted for humor. Lila needs a lesson.

Sounds like your mom.

- I'll go up. -Yes, go see your daughter.

I hate you, you bitch!

Take this, you piece of shit!

Good. Super.

Keep going, it's healthy.

Let it all out. Go on, keep going.

There you go. Again.

Wait a second.

Don't hit like this.

Punch using the flat edge of your fist.

Take that! Go ahead.

Again, again.

Careful now, no badmouthing your mom.

Go on!

There we go.

Alright. That wasn't so clever, huh?

Don't be stupid like your mom was.

- How the hell does it work? - Whoa there.

Now you're really spoiled. That's vintage...

Sorry.

Well...

...Margaux says there's a video of your mom on YouTube.

Quick! Your phone. Give it here!

Here you go.

Here, look!

Good moves and everything! Look...

- Give it here! - Hold on!

Lila! Wait, no!

- I hate her. - What did I just tell you?

Look, someone filmed!

- What do you mean? - The dance!

That's insane.

You're ruining my life. You're a dirty hypocrite.

I'll never do this to my kids. Never.

I'll be nice. I'll be super nice.

Say that again. I'm not nice?

I'm not nice?

I'm a dirty hypocrite? You're a pain in the ass!

- That clear enough? - She can stay over.

- Good! Go to your dad's! - Let's go.

- Your drink made me tired. I'm off. - Yeah!

It's all over the Web.

Lila!

Don't hang with me today. I'm a total loser.

I don't give a shit. Popular then, outcast now. To hell with them.

Hey there "Me Myself and I".

Assholes.

- What's that? - Shit.

Shit.

Plus it's my mom.

Got a problem? Is this so funny?

There's nothing cooler than vintage, jerks.

Have you all seen it now?

Don't deny it! I know you told her about the sedative. I sure didn't!

Do you want there to be war in my house?

I swear I don't remember.

Think it's Alzheimer's?

Did she say I told her?

No, she didn't. But I know that you did.

- Why did you do this? - It wasn't me!

In any case, bravo for the club show.

You really blew me away!

"Bravo for the club show"?

I promised I would be different, Mom.

But just look at me!

I'm like you. Flipping out over my kid.

Rather than going to the club and bringing her home,

what do I do? Dance like an ass, a hysterical woman.

I don't understand why I overreacted.

Just like you did.

It's not so bad to be a bit like me.

I know you resent that I undermined you sometimes.

But I swear I had no choice.

I had to straighten you out.

There's always a choice. We've talked about it 100 times.

You think you were right, and I think you went too far.

You could've listened or talked to me.

Shown some patience.

Like you the other night.

I bet she forgot to weigh her veggies.

Not at all. I might be old but I'm not deaf.

Excuse me, I...

I'm so sorry. You're not old at all. You're...

I love seniors. I loved my grandma.

And...

We can forget sometimes, right? I probably did.

My apologies, truly. You're magnificent.

Let me help you, Mrs. Maréchal.

- Thank you. - We'll all help, Mrs. Maréchal.

There we go, done.

23.50 euros.

- Thank you. - Here.

- Thank you. - Good day.

I'm so ashamed. I was afraid she would never finish.

- Sorry. - It always works.

- In 20 years she's never filled a bag. - It's not just me then!

I don't know what was better. Your dance or your daughter's face.

Oh no, this isn't happening.

You saw me on YouTube? How embarrassing.

My kid hates me.

Hi, I'm Jules Verne.

Jules Verne?

- Not the real one. - You don't say.

I am a Jules, but not a Verne.

- Ok. - I'm DJ J.V.

DJ J.V.? Yes.

- Delighted. - Same here.

I'm Emma Renaud, psychologist in Saint-Gilles.

Non-violent... At least, I'm trying.

- I'll leave you to it. - My daughter adores you.

Oh thanks. And your husband?

My husband?

No, there's no husband.

Ah, ok.

Tonight I'm holding a private set, I'd love you to come.

That's nice, but I can't.

Pity, there'll also be DJ Victor Hugo and DJ Balzac.

- Oh. - Just kidding, they don't exist.

- I'm... - Yes.

- Ok. - Goodbye.

Is your wife coming?

We separated six months ago.

No children. Nice. Loyal.

Actually, let me help you with this.

There we go.

Well then...

Do you like opera?

Yes.

- Nothing suspicious. - Really?

Are you sure?

Did you change detergents or was it something you ate?

No.

It's strange how the rash isn't constant.

We need to figure out when it reappears.

It depends... it comes, then goes, then it stays.

- Do you have children? - A 14-year-old.

- That's it. - What?

There's a real epidemic right now.

You have a severe case of Urna Morbida Magne Puer.

Is it serious?

- You're allergic to your teen. - Huh?

You'll have to wait until adolescence is over.

- Are you sure it's not lice? - No, it's not lice.

- I should forget about Hugo? - Yes.

- I'm being stupid? - Yes.

I've become a complete pain.

- Do I even like him? - I dunno.

You think he's ugly?

- Not ugly. Neutral. - Oh yeah?

Whatever. You're pining for a guy who barely notices you.

The best thing about love should be being loved back.

You're right.

- Fuck Hugo. - Yeah.

How're you?

Did you see JV's comments about your mom?

No. What now?

He wrote: "Now that's classy".

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

32,000 Likes overnight.

- For real? - Yup.

I'm off to class. See you soon, bye.

Lila.

Did you see that?

- That was a sign. - That he likes DJ J.V.

He needs to think I'm 16.

Age is not what matters. Not if he really likes you.

Stop being stupid.

And make up with your mom please.

Yeah, you're right.

- Hey. - She's here.

- Oh? - Lila.

No, it's not ok. Just think for 2 seconds.

Ok, I screwed up. But I didn't kill anyone!

Are you stupid or just pretending?

Admit it, you're happy I finally cracked her.

Not at all.

You've crossed a line and I'm sad for her.

I swear if I were in her place,

I would find a way for you to feel what she does.

- What do I do? - Beg her,

on your knees, to forgive you.

Mom, I think... That's not... What is that?

What you asked for.

Not that one. I think we need the 23.

- Sorry, I'm distracted. - Coming, Ma'am!

I'm sorry. For drugging you.

I don't like fighting.

- It's just I... - You what?

I love you.

Sorry for everything.

I was so mean, so horrible.

Wait.

You can have it back. But...

No going out.

Well, thank you anyway.

There's a Jules Verne here, who doesn't seem crazy,

waiting to see you.

What?

- Explanation? - There's no explanation.

Don't you have work? I don't tell you everything.

All day I hear about Lila but you don't tell me the good stuff?

It's nothing. A guy I met at the store.

We chatted a bit.

- How did he find you? - Dunno.

I told him my name and that I was a shrink at Saint-Gilles.

He's clever. Exciting. Think he knows all 80 positions?

Calm down, you nympho.

Could you ask him to come up?

- Yes. - No.

I'll go down.

Hold on, just some lipstick.

- You're hot. - Yeah, right.

- Hello. - Hi.

What are you doing here?

I came to ask you to dance on my next single.

- Are you kidding? - Yes. Totally.

Can I make up for it with dinner on Saturday?

Really?

I don't know.

- Sure. - Good.

Oh, and thanks to you my daughter's popularity rose overnight.

Really? I'm glad.

See what I can do in just two nights?

- To my daughter? - No, you.

Ok. See you Saturday.

Yep, see you then.

- I was on point. - It wasn't that hard.

Hold on.

- There's Hugo. - And?

I'm going, ok?

- Hi. - Hi.

Are you next?

Yeah, I'm a bit nervous.

I understand.

You also auditioning?

- No, I was just passing by. - Ok.

Maybe we can hang Saturday? I'm bowling with friends.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah? Nice.

Want me to help with your lines?

Yes. That'd be nice.

No mocking. I've never read a play out loud.

Don't worry.

Romeo and Juliet...

- Hello, it's me! - Hello, it's us!

- You're here? Is today your day? - No.

Guess who's playing Juliet in the school play?

Did you know she auditioned?

No. She said she had big news,

so I came over. - You couldn't just call?

I didn't even audition, I was helping a friend and got chosen.

Really? And when are rehearsals?

Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 6 to 9 pm.

Well, no. You're not allowed to go out.

Emma, this isn't going out, it's rehearsing.

No means no.

If my parents had let me play music,

I'd be doing more than writing jingles.

I'd be Jean-Jacques Goldman.

There's only one Goldman.

- Maybe Jean-Jacques Silverman. - Who?

- Gold, silver. - Ok.

- You're a Goldman to me, Dad! - Yes, I'm your Goldman.

I already said yes.

Victor, damn it!

We agreed to punish by example. I need solidarity.

Mom, I'm begging you, I have to be in this play.

- It's my calling. - Her calling.

Your calling? Suddenly you have to play Juliet.

Out of love for theater. She's motivated.

She's a future actress.

You're both tiring. Be home at 9:15 pm, ok?

Thanks!

There you go. Give Mom a kiss to thank her.

- Thanks. - A future actress.

- Where are you? - At the bar near school.

You coming or what? We're bowling in 10 minutes.

And Hugo's there?

Yes, and don't get upset but he's with that airhead Carla.

But...

- Are they going out together? - Not yet.

But they might be soon.

- Ok, I'm coming. I'll call you. - Hurry up.

- Can I use some? - No way.

This serum costs a fortune.

- You're pretty. - Thank you.

- You going out? - Yes.

With whom?

- With Jules Verne. - Very funny.

- Why is it funny? - You'd have to know him.

Not to be mean, but...

He's a star and you're not 20 anymore.

Wow, so charming. Thanks for stopping by.

And...

- When will you be back? - I have no idea.

Why Jules Verne?

Because Julio Iglesias was already taken, so...

And Cesar was too pretentious.

Jules C... Yes, exactly.

And why D.J.?

Well, he was already a writer.

Joking aside, I've loved music ever since I was little.

I even dropped out of school for it.

- And you, why psychology? - Why?

Because I've got a terrible ear for music,

I sing off-key.

And I'm a huge psychopath with issues.

No, I dunno. Maybe subconsciously

it's a relief to talk to people who are worse off than me.

Yes, maybe.

There.

Really don't want to see my set?

My young fans say I'm not so bad.

Yes, my daughter says you're a star.

- Really? - Yeah, she adores you.

Which reminds me, I should go before she sneaks out to hear you.

I'll call if I see her. I wanna see you dance!

Oh no!

Good evening.

How gross.

Get out!

Get out!

Out!

Is this for real?

What the hell is this?

You have three minutes to get everyone out.

And 30 minutes to clean up!

If I weren't non-violent, I'd slap your face.

Alright, enough staring. Get out!

Goodnight.

- Bye. - Hang in there.

- Bye. - See you.

I'll help you clean up.

- That was pretty extreme. - Yeah.

It was dumb but cool.

Yeah.

Come on, Lila, your mom is cool.

My mom would've clawed out my eyes.

Shall we?

Take that!

And that!

This line shows how many children you'll have.

- That so? - Yes.

So, how many?

Three.

You better be in shape.

- It's Emma. - Don't answer.

- No, wait. Yes?

Your daughter threw a party. My living room is trashed.

No way. Do you need me to come?

Yes, please, or I will kill her.

I'm coming, calm down.

Why did you say that? Was that a joke?

Can't you say you'll see her later?

No, I can't. Slam the door shut when you leave.

Do you realize what you've done? Do you?

- Nothing. I obeyed. - Are you kidding?

You said no going out. I stayed in.

Bullshit. Look at this place.

You see all this?

The table, the chips, the floor!

And my couch. My couch!

Relax. You said material things don't matter.

You destroyed my couch...

It's just a tiny fleck and a hole.

This couch is my life. It watched me grow up.

I listened to Queen on it. This couch is Freddy Mercury.

- You done? - You know what?

If you'd said: "Mom, sorry, I screwed up.

I just want to see my girlfriends." I would get it.

But this means war.

What's going on here?

- She's nuts. - Sorry, it's not funny.

We must've missed something.

I'm going. Dad can deal with you.

Emma.

What have you done?

If I were you, I'd smack her in front of all her pimply friends.

Then make her clean the vomit with a teaspoon and a maxi-pad.

And post it online!

That's enough. Anne!

I got it, enough!

I was good, huh? Seriously, hit back hard.

I know.

Material things aren't important, right?

I'll kill her.

I'm gonna kill her.

I'm gonna kill her.

- You ok? - I never want to see her again.

- What? - Have you seen what she did?

- No. - Well look!

It's murder!

- She's crazy. - It's insane.

Excuse me, but killing Lila's Birdie,

is not very Scandinavian, is it?

I couldn't care less.

Screw Scandinavia. And the Scandinavians.

The Swedes, Norwegians, all of Europe. Screw everyone.

And my daughter's hormones too!

Do you realize? I let her drug me.

I let her call me a dirty hypocrite.

I even gave her back her stinking phone.

I'm done now! Eye for an eye, tooth for tooth!

Like your mom.

Absolutely.

If it worked on me, it should work on Lila.

If you say one word to anybody, I'll knock your teeth out.

Understood.

And non-violence?

I don't give a damn.

She needs a shock to see it's serious. I think she got it.

I dunno. She wants revenge.

Classic. I'm ready.

- What was that? - Nothing.

Nothing I can't handle.

- Don't you have a recording today? - Yes.

Yes, I...

I'm going.

- Do you want me to take her? - No.

I'm watching her.

- Hello. - Emma Renaud?

- Yes. - Can we have a word?

- Yes. - Is everything ok?

- Yes. - You're sure?

Yes, I'm certain.

- Not for your daughter. - What?

- She called for child abuse. - What?

- We just want to check things out. - Come in.

Coming.

What the hell is this?

- What the hell? - Please stay calm.

Let me go! It's make-up.

Touch her cheek.

- You see? - This is really twisted.

- You hear! - And the Amir ticket. That was me.

There, that was abuse.

Now take me in, I need a vacation.

- Give me three years. - You see, she flips out.

Look what she did to Birdie.

Yes, Birdie. That was me, I confess.

I'm a psychologist. It's an alternative method.

The child should feel exactly what the adult felt.

- What? - She destroyed my couch.

- My couch. - Ok.

I can relate, my kid's the same age.

- We'll leave. - Thanks.

Lucky I'm in a good mood or you'd be in juvenile court!

See, lucky.

- Come by the office later? - No.

Don't even dream of leaving without me.

I'm in all the way. I just need my things.

- Ok, I'm ready. - Let's go.

And you can keep her!

That's some imagination!

Having your own mother arrested. That's a feat.

Even you didn't go that far.

And you were a huge pain.

- Now's not the time. - I was practically an angel.

Yes, one who stole my car to drive to the coast.

Who set fire to my wardrobe out of protest.

I was a model child compared to her.

No, I'm sick of it!

Sick of playing the understanding non-violent shrink.

For years, I've repressed my anger.

Adopting this ridiculous overly-Zen attitude.

I can't any more, I'm done.

I just want to say whatever I feel.

To say "shit" when I want.

To be cruel and mean,

to yell, whine, scream.

There, that's what I want and so be it.

I'm tired of being some hippie high on sprouts and seeds.

My, my.

Oh, my bunny.

I'm sorry I was such a rotten teen.

Now I understand you completely.

- I see. - Listen, Emma.

- Lila has something to say. - Oh yeah?

- Come on. - She looks excited.

Lila, please.

Come on. Emma, come.

What?

Lila, please.

Dad says I should say sorry.

For Amir and the cops.

But...

you first for Birdie.

That so?

Is this how it works?

You mess up and then just say sorry?

- Well, yeah. - Yes.

Then sorry for Birdie.

Sorry too.

Ok.

Mrs. Gonzalez?

Mrs. Gonzalez!

Why did you cancel your appointment?

I saw you on YouTube.

And Mrs. Lechat saw the cops at your door.

You've let me down. I believed in your advice.

You're right. I'm sorry. My apologies.

I...

I understand if you want to see someone else.

But you should know, I truly love my work and my patients.

You see, sometimes your baguette is over-cooked.

But I shut up. I don't say your baguette is burnt.

I keep buying it because I like you. Yes, I do.

- My baguette's burnt? - Sometimes.

That's life. And look at those messy crumbs.

But I keep quiet. I don't point it out.

We're in a bakery.

Anyway, you're right. I'm lousy, so there.

Don't come to see me,

I don't know anything any more about people.

But that's nonsense. You're great.

- You think so? - Obviously.

And your bedroom advice worked wonders.

I'm so happy for you both.

Thank you.

Excuse me, do you have any rye?

Of course.

- Hello. - Hello.

Is it you? I mean, in real life?

Excuse me?

I don't believe it.

- Usually, I'm calm. - Could I have it cut?

Really quite calm.

- I'm even amazing. Tell him. - Amazing.

Oh, I believe you.

- My name is Emma. - Pleased to meet you. Amir.

- Are you ok, Emma? - Yes.

I meant to see you perform, but I had daughter trouble.

- So I couldn't. - Who's he?

Why, it's Amir. Really, Mrs. Gonzalez.

Usually I look much better.

I need to go to the salon. I haven't had the time.

Don't listen to me.

Could I get your autograph?

- With pleasure. - I have no paper.

Have you got a pen? Here.

- On the bread, really? - Yes.

It's for Emma.

I remember.

- It's on the house. - Thank you.

This loaf will be unique.

- Thank you. - See you.

How long will he be a teen? I can't stand it.

I even dreamt the other day

that I pushed him down the stairs

and he broke both arms and legs.

That would be the mummy syndrome.

We all have visions of our children embalmed.

I mean, embalmed like immobilized.

Yes, it's true. That's it.

Immobile.

I danced around his bed happy that for six months he wouldn't move,

there'd be no more screw ups. Just bliss.

- Have you told him you're fed up? - He doesn't care.

- He's going to drive me insane. - Ah yes.

He's overpowering

with his sheer stupidity.

- I want to smash him into the wall... - Go on.

...punch in his face, scream until...

- Yes, Mrs. Dupont. - ...until I blow out my voice.

Let it all out, it's good for you.

I also have a teen. Luckily, it's going rather well.

Because I finally entered her world.

You were once a teen. You just have to enter their world.

- Hello, Mrs. Dupont. - Hello.

Oh, I have no problems with my child. Yes, very lucky, Mrs. Dupont.

A teen? Her brain is underdeveloped?

That explains her.

And you're a shrink.

An apostle of understanding,

good intentions, all ears and patience.

Even if she is a horrible little shit.

Little shit. Little shit.

Little rotten spoiled child

that you could just push down the stairs.

It's normal, it's natural.

You just want to push her.

Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean it.

Erase it.

I take it back.

Keep moving and open your bags.

Drug check.

Open up your bag, keep moving.

This way, miss.

We've met before.

You just love trouble.

Sir, I don't understand.

Go have a seat on that bench.

- But, ask Margaux. - It's not hers.

- I promise. - Go inside.

- I swear it isn't. - Go in, I say.

- You go sit down. - It's not mine.

So whose is it? Mine perhaps? Go sit.

I'll go get help, don't worry.

Open up your bag.

Ok. Keep moving.

We found a joint in Lila's bag that she refuses to acknowledge.

I don't know if I can trust her, given what's in this report.

- Clearly, you know how to lie. - But no.

Listen, honey, we've all made mistakes.

Just admit it now.

The judge was once young. She might understand.

I swear it's not mine.

I believe you, honey.

Listen, Your Honor,

I'm sure she'll be turned off by joints for the rest of her life.

Which is a pity since the occasional...

Not now.

I'm joking.

Amusing.

Considering your satisfactory grades,

your clean record and the presence of both parents,

I won't open a file.

But next time, crack!

Ok, come on.

Wait. I just have a little doubt.

Could you please sit down?

Isn't this letting her off a bit lightly?

It's drugs here.

Who knows where it will end.

I don't want a young Pablo Escobar.

- What? - Well...

Our daughter's recently been... How can I put it?

Strange. Going through changes.

And I'm worried. And since she loves the police...

- No. - Yes, she does. You love the police.

But no.

I thought it might do her good

to stay with you a few days or weeks.

She's joking. Come on, let's go.

- You may leave. - You hate me.

No, I'm raising you.

Thank you, Judge.

Come on. Thank you.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

Not for what I said to the judge,

but for the pot.

The pot I put there.

Isn't that how it works?

I screw up and then say sorry?

You put a joint in my bag?

Well, I rolled two joints yesterday.

Smoked one and put the other there. Mental, huh?

I hate you. I'm living with Dad.

Fine. Stay there.

- Forever. - Very well.

But the rules stay the same. No going out,

go straight home after rehearsal.

If you break them, you'll regret it.

- I'm counting on you too. - Yeah, sure.

You're insane. What if the judge had kept her?

Now she's learned her lesson.

Do you know what you just put her through?

- Can we stay calm? - I am! You're crazy.

I have nothing to learn from an overgrown teenager

who has no authority,

no sense of responsibility,

and shows no interest in keeping his daughter out of trouble.

Do you hear?

- Accept that you have to grow up. - Right, accept it.

Then you accept that for years you hounded us

with your idiotic educational principles!

Hit one snag and you become your mom.

Or worse. Even she wouldn't have done that.

Enough. Get out of my face.

Keep your daughter.

Go away!

- Good evening. - Hello.

- They're beautiful. - Here.

- That's nice. - Yes.

- It's all I could find at 11 pm. - They're beautiful.

I also made an effort.

- Pretty. - Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'm afraid I'm like this today.

- I'm so sorry. - You don't like them?

Yes, I love them.

- Sorry. - I've got a tissue somewhere.

- Here you go. - A handkerchief.

The last person I knew who used these was my grandfather.

"I am your grandfather."

It's a joke.

Actually, I have sensitive nostrils.

DJs and coke.

Also a joke.

Can I do anything for you?

Let's fuck.

- Now you've heard it all. - Really.

You can run away.

No, I mean your daughter.

- You don't think I'm a monster? - No.

- Scary. - Oh, yeah?

You don't want kids, right?

I didn't say anything.

Let's train a bit first before.

- Right. - It'd be better.

- Have you seen the time? - Hey!

What did I do wrong?

Dad, hurry up, I'll be late for school.

Just two minutes.

I don't have two minutes!

What's up with you? Stop stressing me!

Think I'll get through this?

- You'll come? - Yes.

- You sure? - Friday.

Awesome.

This can't be real.

- Hey, Dad. - Have you seen what time it is?

I was about to call the cops.

Sorry. I just had the most amazing night of my life.

Please, you can yell at me tomorrow.

You're the best.

That's my girl.

- This is nice, huh? - So nice.

Can I ask you something important?

Promise you'll say yes.

You want to go out Saturday.

Actually...

Friday, but how did you know?

Listen, I want to say yes. But I won't.

You're still grounded. You always come late from rehearsal.

That bitch brainwashed you.

I can be tolerant, but no insulting your mom.

Not ever.

Why defend her? She couldn't care less about us.

If it's too vegan, leave it. I won't get upset.

No, it looks delicious. Especially if I were a hamster.

- And for dessert? - Chocolate mousse!

Chocolate chocolate? Ok, then sure.

You really know all those 80s dances?

Not all, but some.

Do you know this one?

If you don't, it's ok.

I love that one.

- Apparently, I have this effect on you. - Sorry.

It's my daughter. When she's gone, I miss her.

But she drives me nuts.

- Oh yeah. - I...

I can't be happy if we're fighting. It's stupid.

Want to talk about her or dance?

Are you really this nice?

Let's dance.

Next time I'll play some zouk.

You doing well?

Yes.

I'm sorry, Lila, I took it too far.

I wanted to be an amazing mom and instead I'm awful.

Look at us. It's a disaster.

- Please forgive me, Lila. - I'm sorry too.

But you're not awful.

I'm the awful one.

And I want to go home with you.

I have something for you.

- But? - I couldn't really kill him.

It was Photoshop.

- Thank you! - That's beautiful.

I don't like being angry. Not with family.

- You're my family, you. - You're my family too.

Here's what I suggest,

I'll make some of my famous spaghetti.

What? My pasta is great. No laughing.

- You used to like it. - Well...

I just came to make peace. But I'm going.

You can stay longer with Dad.

You need time to pack your stuff.

Actually, could I stay until Sunday?

Dad's all alone.

He's got used to me being here.

Ok.

She's playing me.

She thinks I'm stupid. Twerp.

I think so too. A stupid shit.

To think I said I was sorry. Yes, please, sneak out.

She's in here.

Hello.

How is she?

Are you Jules Verne? The DJ?

- Yes. - You really are dating?

Yes. Well, nice to meet you.

- Can we see the doctor? - Of course, soon.

- Can we see her? - Yes.

- Me too. - Only three at a time.

- I'm her mother. - Of course.

- Daughter. - Yes.

- I... - Yes, go on.

I'm the husband.

It's all my fault.

Everything.

If you hadn't come to Dad's,

you wouldn't have had an accident.

No more screw-ups. I promise.

Please wake up.

I just wanted to come clean. I'm the one

who told Lila to mess with your concert ticket.

Gran! Why did you tell her?

- I never would have told. - We have to start over.

Rose is right, I...

I should also come clean.

I'm the one who told Lila about the sedative.

If you knew how much I regret it.

I knew it wasn't me.

- I'm the doctor. - Hello.

It was just a scare. She'll be fine.

- Now she needs to rest. - Yes, ok.

Goodbye, darling. See you tomorrow.

Thank you, Doctor.

Well?

How'd it go?

- It was perfect. - Great.

Now leave, I need the beds.

Ok. Thank you!

Ok I admit, it was a bit cruel.

At least now they'll all be adorable.

So tell us Emma,

how is your relationship with Lila today?

Excellent. I give orders and she obeys them.

- I'm kidding. - Finally:

Does this book reveal everything?

Absolutely.

- Thanks for coming. - Thanks.

Bravo, Mom, that was great!

- You were on fire! - Thank you.

Bravo, bravo.

You were magnificent, my dear. Magnificent.

You're incredible.

Beautiful!

To my parents To my children

Subtitles: Maya Dalinsky

Subtitling: EVA France