Original subtitles

♪ ♪

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ Truer than the red, white and blue ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ That's me and you ♪

♪ And on a star-spangled night, my love ♪

♪ You can rest ♪

♪ You can rest your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ Or by the dawn's early light, my love ♪

♪ I will defend ♪

♪ I will defend your right to try ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ That's me and you. ♪

Tonight, you will see

three separate views of love, American style:

An ex-husband, a new husband, and a common problem;

newlyweds and a bad bargain;

and our first story about a marriage made in heaven,

which we call:

Are you happy, Ralph?

Happy?

Of course I'm happy.

It's my wedding day.

Why shouldn't I be happy?

Well, it is your first jump.

Yeah, well, it's my first marriage, too, but so what?

I mean, this is the way you wanted it...

Getting married in a free fall from 12,000 feet...

So that's the way it'll be.

Anything for my little sweetheart.

Oh, I love you, Ralph.

Oh, I love you, too, Betty.

Oh, it'll be easy.

You'll see.

We just jump, and Reverend Hale will marry us quick

and then we pull the rip cords

and float down at the reception.

Sure.

The-There's nothing to it.

That's what I always wanted, too.

A simple ceremony.

I'm so glad you're going to do it.

You don't know what it means to me.

You have no idea what it means to me.

Uh, Reverend Hale.

Uh, when exactly do I pull my rip cord?

Uh, what's my cue?

Oh, just as soon as I say

you're m-m-m-m-m-man and w-w-w-wife.

I beg your pardon?

M-m-m-m-m-man and w-w-wife.

Betty!

Reverend Hale, you didn't stutter

when we talked to you before.

Oh, it's just that marriages make me so n-n-n-n-n-nervous.

Maybe we ought to go up an extra couple of thousand feet.

I mean, I want to make sure you have enough time.

Oh, there's nothing to w-w-w-w-worry about.

Oh, I'm not worried, I'm not worried.

It's just that I'd hate to fall all that distance

and then not even be married.

It'll go away.

It's only t-te-te-te-te...

Temporary.

R-Right, thank you.

10,000 feet and climbing.

10,000 feet, huh?

Well, soon be up there.

2,000 more feet and... then we go.

Hey, look at down there.

Look at how small everything is.

Look, those cars look like ants.

Well, you're not afraid of heights, are you, Ralph?

No, no, I'm not afraid of heights at all, no.

Just leaving them sometimes, you know.

You really love me, don't you, Ralph?

Love you?

Are you kidding?

Now, what a question at 10,000 feet.

What a question.

Would I be here if I didn't love you?

I know it isn't easy for you,

but I did have my heart set on having a wedding

that was different than other people's.

Sure, and that's why I said okay,

because I love you and I want you to have what you want.

I think it's a glorious way to enter matrimony.

The vault of the sky above you

and the patchwork quilt of the land below,

and the two of you joined together

as you soar through the air like birds on the wing.

That's beautiful, Reverend.

Hey, he's not stuttering anymore either.

Oh, I'm all right now.

It comes and g-g-g-g-g-goes.

Oh, great.

11,000 feet and climbing.

11,000 feet?

1,000 more.

Ten hundred.

Oh, this is like a dream.

Hey, those cars look like little baby ants now.

Don't look so much, Ralph.

It's liable to make you nervous.

Yeah.

Hey, I just got a great idea.

Look, you said you wanted your marriage to be different.

Right? Well, listen, uh...

why don't we get married right here in the plane?

Now, not too many people do that.

Have you ever heard of anybody getting married in a plane?

Have you ever heard of anybody getting married

in a plane, Reverend?

No, I haven't.

Have you?

Well, see?

But if we got married in the plane,

then there wouldn't be any need to jump.

I mean, the jump wouldn't make any sense.

Well, we can eliminate the jump part.

Look, we take the plane back

and then we walk over to the reception.

I mean, it's not as spectacular maybe,

but it's, it's the thought that counts.

Ralph, you're babbling.

Bubbling? Sure, I'm bubbling.

I-I'm happy. No,

I said "babbling."

You're not chickening out, are you, Ralph?

Chicken out? No. No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not chickening out.

No, no. Because if you have doubts,

I mean, this is a big thing, getting married.

It's a big step.

Ha. You think I don't know that?

You're darn right, it's a big step.

It's the biggest step I'll ever take.

11,500.

But you're sure you want to?

Because it shakes me up when I feel you're not sure.

It's common for young people to have doubts before marriage,

my children.

Perfectly normal.

But you sound as if you want to back out.

Do you? No.

I don't think so.

Oh, golly.

I'm not sure.

Betty!

I think I've got cold feet.

Uh, it's, uh, it's the altitude.

No, no.

I'm really scared.

Perfectly normal.

I wouldn't give it a second thought.

But why?

You were always so sure.

We were in love.

We said so a thousand times.

I know, but a lot of the time I was pretending.

I mean, I was always worried

about whether we were right for each other.

Well, you couldn't have any doubt about me.

I really love you.

I know, but there's things about you, Ralph.

What? What?

Oh... the main thing is I love you

and I'd do anything to prove it to you.

I really would, I would do anything.

I'll jump right through the door. Sit down, Ralph.

You say the word and I'll jump right through this door.

I'm really gonna do it. Ralph!

Ralph!

Ralph!

12,000 feet.

Ralph, sit down!

Oh, Ralph, what a silly thing that was to do.

Well, it... shook me up

that you think there's something wrong with me.

You do think that, don't you?

Now come on now, admit it.

If there's something about me, tell me what it is.

Now you owe me that much.

Frankness is a virtue next to cleanliness.

Come on, now, say it.

All right.

You're too cautious, Ralph.

Cautious? Cautious?

I was going right through that door!

I probably wouldn't have even pulled my parachute.

Now how can you say I'm cautious?

Oh, it's not what you do, it's the way you do things.

I mean, you never really enjoy things, Ralph.

You probably won't even enjoy our wedding.

Will you enjoy our wedding?

Well, uh...

Don't blame him

for procrastinating, my child.

After all, he is getting married for the first time.

So am I.

And he's also making his first jump.

Do you remember how frightened you were

the first time you jumped?

I was scared, but I went through with it.

Yeah, because they threw you out of the plane.

You told me so yourself. Well...

Everyone is frightened jumping into marriage, my child.

12,000 feet, approaching target area.

Why does he keep saying that?

Ralph, do you truly love Betty?

Of course.

Betty, do you love Ralph?

Very much.

And you want to be married?

Well,

what must be done must be done.

Ralph, you're afraid.

Admit it.

You wouldn't be frightened if you'd realized

what a wonderful gift you're giving Betty.

If you jump

in spite of all your fears,

you'll be giving her the knowledge

that you love her more than life

itself.

Such devotion

most men never have a chance to prove.

Gee, I never thought of it that way, Reverend.

You, my dear, must realize what it means

for a man to face death for you,

even though it may not seem so to you.

I forgot how frightened I was on my first jump.

I really thought I was going to die.

Well, I think I'm going to die,

but I'll do it for you, babe, even if it kills me.

You good boy.

Oh, Ralph.

Target area, prepare to jump.

There's nothing to fear, my child.

Soon, the three of us will be suspended in space,

tranquil and serene,

silent except for my voice, your voice,

your vows, the whistle

of the wind, and perhaps the honking of an occasional goose.

Well, I'm ready.

How about you, honey?

Almost.

Ready.

Check chutes.

Check.

Ooh.

Look, there's the club right below us.

See? Everyone's out there waiting for us.

Jump one.

I love you, Ralph.

I love...

Oh, that's a long way down.

Jump two.

My son.

Geronimo!

Jump three.

Ooh, that is a long way down.

Where is he? Where is he?

Do you, Ralph, take Betty

for your lawful w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w...

I don't see him!

I-I'll see you at the rece-ce-ce...

Save me a piece of the wedding cake!

Where is he? Where is he?

When can I pull the ripcord?

Not till he arrives, Ralph.

I better pull it now.

I'm headed for your mother.

Wait for me, Ralph.

But do you think we can have a meaningful relationship?

Bet you can't tell who this is.

Can't guess in three guesses, I'm going to kiss you.

Um, Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln, and Charles de Gaulle.

I like our little single bed, Paul.

I do, too, sweetheart, but I keep falling out.

Just once, I'd like to go to sleep

without hanging on to something.

You really hate our whole apartment, don't you?

You despise everything about it.

Be honest.

Oh, I'm kind of fond of our blue ashtray.

Cory, there is one thing I love in the apartment.

What?

You.

You said I'd get used to walking those six flights in a week.

It's now two months, and they're getting worse.

Well, I told you not to come up so fast.

I had to. There was a rat chasing me.

Hey, what was that smell on the fourth floor?

It was coming from the Parones' apartment.

I'd say it was either incense,

or Mr. Parone set fire to his brother.

I like our little bed.

It's sexy and cozy.

♪ ♪

Cory.

Cory?

I'm not going to be lynched in my own bed!

Nor am I any longer going to sleep

holding on to a security heating pipe,

or sleep in a bed that was designed for a doll house.

Oh, all right, so it is uncomfortable,

but what are we going to do?

I don't know. Get bunk beds.

Paul, you know I like to sleep touching.

I'll hang my hand down over the side.

Maybe we can call the owner of the building

and get him to knock out a wall and enlarge the bedroom.

Really? Well, where are you going to call him?

He doesn't get out on parole until next summer.

Where's the opener?

Thank you.

Cory, there's only one answer.

The room is too small for a double bed.

And we're too big... Oh!

For a single bed.

We're just going to have to buy a custom-made bed

that fits the room.

I've priced them.

They're so expensive.

I don't care anymore. I've had it.

If I can't get a night's sleep, I can't make a living.

Nobody trusts a lawyer

with bloodshot eyes, a raspy voice...

Your Honor...

All right, all right, Paul.

First thing in the morning, I'll call Harry Dorfman.

Who's Harry Dorfman?

The telephone man. I've talked about him.

He's been here a few times to fix the phone.

He's very nice.

Cory, why are we calling a telephone man to get a bed?

Harry knows everybody in New York.

If we're going to get a custom-made bed,

I'm sure he can get us a good deal, wholesale.

♪ Wholesale. ♪

I was almost strangled in there.

Money is no object when your life is at stake.

Don't open that one. It's all shook up.

Let me get you an unshook one.

Here.

Don't worry, Paul.

All I'm going to do is call Harry.

If he can't do anything,

I'll take care of everything, I promise.

You can call Harry,

but if this turns out to be another one of your crazy...

Hi, Harry.

I was just going out to lunch.

I'm glad you got here in time.

Every time I come up here, I feel I want to yodel.

Oh, it's not that big a climb.

I know goats that couldn't make it.

All right.

All right, Mrs. Bradder, I stopped gasping.

Now I'm only panting.

I'm ready to work.

What's wrong with the phone?

Oh, nothing. Nothing?

I climbed that magic beanstalk for nothing?

I'm sorry, Harry,

but you're the only one that could help.

Paul and I desperately need something for the apartment.

I know. An elevator.

No, here.

No, see, that's where Paul and I sleep.

Oh, it's very nice.

It pulls out into a bed, huh?

No, that is the bed.

Oh. Well, how do you sleep in it, one at a time?

No, together, and it's just impossible.

Now what we need is a custom-sized bed

to fit this room.

Now, I thought with all the people you knew,

you might be able to get us a deal.

A deal. Ah, now you're talking my language.

That calls for Harry Dorfman's

little black book of contacts.

Everybody's in here.

The poets, the peasants, the jugglers, the clowns.

I love Sinatra.

Bars... bookies.

Ah, beds... here we are.

You notice there's a little red mark next to it.

Uh-huh. Red mark.

Yeah, that means blood relative.

My cousin J.K. Lewis works in a bed factory.

J.K... ooh, what a big shot!

You know, for years, he was Jack Lewis.

Then they give him a desk, and boom, he's J.K. Big deal.

Harry, I knew you could get us a deal.

Well, you're such a wonderful...

Go on, say it.

Con artist? Wheeler dealer? Hustler?

I'm proud.

I know all the angles, Mrs. Bradder,

because I had a great teacher, the telephone company.

And I keep threatening to tell

all their secrets, but they pacify me

by putting my picture in The Telephone News.

You know, that little paper that comes with your bill?

Oh, yeah, I've seen you, Harry.

You looked very cute on that pole.

Thank you. I take good pictures.

How do we meet your cousin?

Very simple. Now, look, this is what you do.

You go to the Superior

Bedding Company in Englewood, New Jersey

and look up J.K.

Tell him that, uh, Harry sent you.

Don't be so uptight, Paul.

Look at it as an adventure.

It may be fun.

It's never fun.

Every time you try to get a bargain,

something messes up.

That must be Mr. Lewis.

When? Name one time.

Oh, try last week.

The used encyclopedia set?

That was a great buy.

24 volumes, all B.

I know everything there is to know about Bolivia.

Oh, Paul.

Psst.

Psst!

What?

Harry sent us.

Did he tell you to whisper?

No.

Then don't.

Come on. Where we going?

To the back. Why?

If we stayed here, we'd have to whisper.

How is Cousin Harry?

He's become such a big shot.

Never calls me anymore

since he got his picture in The Telephone News.

Oh, he's fine.

You certainly have a large number of beds here.

Well, it's not a potato chip factory.

Did Harry tell you what we wanted?

Said you wanted a bed and a deal.

I got both.

We got this tiny bedroom, and what we need is...

I can make it. What size?

Five hands and a pinky.

Here, I'll-I'll show you.

Oh, dear. I can't remember

if my fingers were spread or closed.

I'm sure you had them spread, Cory.

You want to have a pinky conference? I'll come back later.

No, no, I'm sure it was spread.

Here, right here.

That's how wide our bed should be.

41 inches.

20 years in the business,

I still love the way it snaps back in the case.

Uh, Mr. Lewis, assuming we decide

to take the bed, about how much do you think

we'd save over a regular retail outlet?

About 100 bucks.

That is quite a substantial savings.

How do you do it so cheap?

See, I give you a factory second.

Now it's as good as a regular bed,

but it's got a slight flaw in it.

How do you know when a factory second

that size will be available?

You got cash? CORY: Yes.

Manuel?

¿Sí, Señor?

Cash deal. ¿Comprende?

Comprendo.

He's got a factory second.

Is that legal?

What, are you a lawyer?

Yes. Get out of my store.

Oh, no, no, no.

Please. My husband was just curious.

We do want the bed.

All right, all right, all right.

Since you're friends of Harry's...

and if it'll make Judd for the defense feel any better...

the only one getting cheated is my wife.

What?

She goes over my books like Howard Hughes.

The only way I can make any pocket money

is to sell some beds under the table, all right?

Oh, fine. I don't think wives

should make their husbands account for every penny.

You're very young.

Well, you see, Paul, we got a bed.

No hassle, no inconvenience.

There's nothing wrong with buying wholesale.

I guess

you're right.

Mr. Lewis, here's the address to deliver it to.

Deliver what?

The bed we just bought.

Come here, kid.

Now we whisper.

See, on a deal like this, there's no delivery.

What you got to do is come here late tonight

when nobody's here.

I'll let you in, and you take it from there.

Make sure you're wearing old clothes.

And bring your own truck.

Truck?

Cory, I'm...

Whisper.

Are you ready, Mr. Valasco?

I'm just getting into my work clothes.

Where is Paul?

Downstairs in our apartment, pouting.

He thinks this whole thing is...

That's what you're going to wear to move a bed?

Oh, I thought since we are going

to be in New Jersey,

maybe we stop off and see your charming mother.

I don't think we'll have time.

Besides, Victor, I think my mother

is still a little afraid of you.

I'm afraid I rushed things a little bit,

asking her to go away with me for that weekend.

Yes, she told me about the nudist camp.

They put out such a wonderful magazine.

Well, that Lewis guy said he'd only wait until 10:00 for us.

Oh, it's all my fault, Paul.

To be perfectly honest, I was primping.

And at my age, to look good,

takes plenty primping.

Oh, that's all right, Victor.

We appreciate your helping us at all.

Don't we, Paul?

Hmm?

Oh, oh, yes, we do.

I don't know what we'd have done

without you, Mr. Valasco.

I'm glad to be even a little help

on such important mission as this.

You know, the gypsies have a saying:

"A young couple without a good bed

is like a prune without a pit."

What does that mean?

Who knows? The gypsies say the first thing

that pops into their heads.

Watch out.

Don't slip on Mr. Valasco's staircase.

You sure your friend the rug dealer will be here

with his truck, Victor?

Oh, absolutely.

Armand's very dependable.

You know, he used to drive for kings.

Really? What kings?

Well, most of them were in exile.

But that's even harder,

because you have to go down back alleys,

across town, through tunnels,

all those places...

across towns, over plowed fields,

sometimes you are parking

under a railroad car.

All these things, it's not easy.

Armand, my little Persian peach!

That's the driver?

He's cute. Paul,

Cory, this is my very dear friend, Armand.

He does not speak one word English.

Oh, you look wonderful.

I'm only shaking his hand.

This is Cory, this is Paul.

Uh, Mr. Valasco, can I talk to you?

I'm worried about your friend.

He's kind of old.

Do you think he can drive?

Of course he can drive.

Armand?

He's alive, he's alert, he's active.

He's asleep.

I'll drive.

Are you all right, Armand?

Armand's fine.

Well, isn't this fun?

Victor, how can you see through that windshield?

Oh, I can see perfectly...

Right between Popeye and the tiger's head.

Hi, Mr. Lewis.

I don't see anybody, I don't hear anybody.

If there are prowlers here,

I don't know about them.

Why is he talking to the ceiling?

We're not officially supposed to be here.

That's how wholesale works.

Oh.

Where's the bed?

There happens to be

a certain bed in this corner.

If prowlers should take it

while I'm having a cup of coffee,

I wouldn't notice.

But if anything else is missing,

I'll notice.

This is the one, huh?

One, two...

It's a little further.

Come on, Paul.

That's it!

Paul, you've done it,

you made it.

I would have helped more,

but it's not good for my back.

Where's Armand?

He died on the third floor.

He's just resting.

We are going to big Greek dance

over in Stanton Island.

At this hour?

So we'll be a little early.

All right, my little lovebirds.

Your nest is completed.

Bye, Victor, thanks for helping us. Not at all.

Come on, Paul, all you have to do is carry

that little mattress up two more steps.

To you it's a little mattress.

To my back it's Mount Sajama.

Where's Mount Sajama?

In Bolivia.

Look, Paul, look, I've got a brand-new nightgown to wear.

Look, look, look, look.

Hold it a little closer, my vision is blurry.

Okay...

You don't have to sleep holding on

to anything anymore.

Just to you.

I shouldn't have eaten that Persian candy.

Cory, the bed's haunted.

No, no, I'm sure it's nothing.

It'll stop in a minute.

You just lie perfectly still.

Hello, Superior Bedding?

Superior Bedding, hah. Hmm.

I'd like to speak to J.K. Lewis.

Yeah, I'll wait.

Now don't get too angry at Mr. Lewis, Paul.

Remember, he did try to give us a deal.

He didn't give us a deal.

He gave us a talking bed.

I'm a funny kind of a guy, Cory.

When I go to sleep, I don't like to

have an argument with my mattress.

I still think it just needs a little breaking in.

It doesn't just make noises.

It's also very uncomfortable.

I feel like I spent the night in a Cuban prison.

Hello, Mr. Lewis.

Paul Bradder. Who?

Paul Bradder.

I bought a bed from you, remember?

Custom made?

Five hands and a pinky?

Look, I got no time for silly talk.

We're Harry's friends.

I picked the bed up last night.

We're not open at night. The only people here last night

were some prowlers, who I never saw.

Look, you can quit the act.

The bed is a joke, and I'm bringing it back.

I never sold a joke bed.

I don't know a Paul Bradder, and I never got this phone call.

Hello? Hello?

Funny, nobody on this phone.

What did he say, Paul?

He hung up on me.

I admit it's not a great bed.

No arguments, Cory.

I'm going to take this bed back.

And if he pulls that looking at the ceiling bit...

Paul, what happened?

Oh, my back! I swear, it grabbed me.

Paul, is there anything I can do? I'm okay, Cory.

Can you straighten up? Is there anything I can do

to help you? Yeah, call the telephone man.

Maybe he can straighten it. Call a doctor, Paul.

I don't need a doctor. I'll call the hospital.

I don't want to go to the hospital.

Easy, easy, Paul.

Just follow my feet. - Cory!

Oh, Paul!

Oh, I've been waiting for you.

We got here as soon as we could.

It's Mother, Paul.

I know, I recognized her voice.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, hi, Paul. Now it's going to be all right.

I have a good friend here, Dr. Bosto,

he's a specialist. Oh, no!

A specialist? Paul, please.

You've got to see him. Paul, he's the best one in the country!

I can't take it. But he can really help you.

Hold it!

Oh, there's no more argument.

Now you just come right with me, Paul.

Where are we going? Just turn around,

just turn around and sit down on this bench.

I can't sit. Oh, you can lean

against the wall.

We're checking you in.

Is it very uncomfortable, Paul?

Not if you're tying your shoe.

Dr. Kreutzal,

you're wanted at the front desk.

Cory!

Hi, sweetheart.

Hello.

I thought you'd like your own pajamas.

Do you want the horses or the boats?

Horses.

How do you feel?

Oh, a lot better.

They gave me a muscle relaxant.

It's just a combination of nerves

and lifting wholesale beds.

Paul, I'm sorry.

This whole thing is my fault.

I didn't sleep a bit last night.

Of course not, in that bed.

It wasn't that.

It was sleeping alone.

Oh, Paul, I never, ever, ever want

to sleep again without you.

Even if we have to fight,

let's always make up in time for bed.

Please, Paul,

you do feel the same, don't you?

I'm so doped up from the shot last night, I...

I buzzed the nurse at 3:00 A.M. and asked for a Cory.

Hey, we're gonna get our money back for our bed.

We are?

Yeah, Harry talked Mr. Lewis into it

by promising him a special phone number.

Hmm?

555-3947.

It spells "J.K. Lewis."

I guess the whole thing wasn't that bad.

At least I got one good night's sleep.

They have great beds here.

It's a shame to waste them

on people full of sleeping pills.

Cory, what are you doing?

Paul, it's perfect.

What are you talking about?

Paul, this bed would fit perfectly

in our room.

What are you doing?

Trying to see how we fit in it.

Cory, they'll cancel my Blue Cross.

It's perfect.

It doesn't make a sound.

It's nice and firm.

Paul, we could buy a hospital bed.

Feeling better, Mr. Bradder?

Hey, isn't the bed great?

And we even have room to store stuff underneath.

We should have gone to a hospital first thing

to buy a bed.

Honey, it's not an idea

that leaps immediately into your mind.

Oh.

Lamar loves to catch the first wave.

Oh, Buzz, why can't you just write our name

in the sidewalk, like everybody else?

Hello?

Yeah?

Hello, Paul.

What time is it?

3:00?

No, no, no, no, you didn't wake me up.

I always get up five hours before I've got to work.

Gives me a chance to brush my teeth and get some coffee.

What's up?

Come over there now?

Are you out of your head?

What?

Julie?

What happened to her?

What?

Well, then what do you want me over there for?

Huh?

Oh?

Oh.

All right, all right.

I'll be over.

Yeah, bye.

You weren't lying, were you?

Did something happen? Tell me the truth.

I did. Nothing's happened. Oh.

Oh, hello, Debbie. Hello, John.

Well, then where is Julie?

Where is she? Well, she isn't here.

Well, then how do you know

something didn't happen?

Well, we checked with the police.

There's no report of anything. Oh.

Then why did you get me over here for?

Well, we were worried.

And you couldn't worry without me?

Did you get me over here just to tell me you're worried?

You could have told me that on the phone.

I could have worried in my nice, warm, comfortable bed.

Now, now, John, take it easy.

Take it easy. Yes,

I mean, after all, she is your daughter.

I know she's my daughter.

But she's 18 years old.

You two get me over here just to tell me she's out late?

No, we think she's out with this boy.

So she's out with a boy?

Out with a boy.

Well, that seems perfectly normal to me.

But it's not only that.

There was a big fight before she left,

and we're afraid that she may do something foolish.

Oh, nonsense.

There's a lot of vague fears.

Now look.

This stuff has got to stop.

It... thank you.

Do you realize

that you've had me over here

four times in the last two weeks?

Hmm? You two are married now.

Paul is your husband.

I'm no longer your husband.

I have the divorce papers to prove it.

So don't keep calling me every time

some simple, little problem arises.

Like, "Where are the keys to the tool chest?

"Where's the insurance papers on the furniture?

Why does the car make that funny noise on the freeway?"

You've just got to solve these problems for yourselves now.

Oh, I'm sorry, old man, uh...

you know, this is a new thing for me, too.

I mean, I'm trying to run your family the best I can.

And, uh, by the way, you mentioned the car?

It still does make that funny noise

when you get up to about 80.

Don't talk to me about doing 80.

I'm driving a four-cylinder compact.

I don't know what it is to hit 80. John.

It's kind of strange to be in a nice home, too.

Have you seen my one-room apartment?

Now, John, really. What do you want from me?

You've got my home, my wife, my daughter, my car.

Least you can do is let me have my sleep.

John, will you stop being childish?

Okay, I'll stop being childish and go home to bed.

Julie, you're home! Yeah.

Daddy, what are you doing here?

Waiting for you... That is, I'm helping

your mother and father wait for you.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Come here, Roger.

Roger Crane, this is my-my father,

my mother and my mother's husband.

Well, a real suburban mess, huh?

Well, now she's home safe and sound I can... I can leave, huh?

Good night, all.

Nice to meet you, Roger.

Roger and I are going to get married.

Who? Married?

Married? Yes, we're on our way to Las Vegas.

John, you're not leaving.

Oh, no, of course not.

I want to extend congratulations.

How about a drink? Did you hear what she said?

They want to get married.

Sure I heard, that's why I suggested the drink.

Julie, you are not getting married.

It is out of the question. Is it?

You try and stop me.

I'm going upstairs now and pack some things.

Julie! John, do something! What do you want me to do?

Well, talk to her, man. Do something!

You can't just let her run off and get married.

Why not? That's what Debbie and I did.

Oh, but that was different. What was different about it?

John, will you just go on upstairs and talk to her?

If you won't, I will. Be my guest.

Tell her to bring her swimming suit,

it may be warm up in Vegas.

John, I don't understand you.

I don't understand you. Why?

Look, I don't think we're being very polite.

Here's Mr. Crane, standing around, no one talking to him.

Sit down, Roger. Oh.

After all, he's practically your son-in-law.

My... Thanks, man.

How about a drink?

Uh, no, thanks, I don't drink.

Well, I think I'll have one.

I don't know if you got it from the introductions,

but I'm John Filmore, Julie's father.

Yeah, I got it.

Her mother and I are recently divorced.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I got the whole scene,

the whole scene.

You, um, you a student, Roger?

Yeah, right, humanities.

Oh, humanities, well, that's nice.

A lot better than inhumanities, huh, Debbie?

And I suppose you love my daughter?

Well, I like her a lot, I really do.

She's really a groovy girl. You do?

You really like her? That's terrific.

Will you stop this?

Your daughter is upstairs

packing to run away with this hippie.

And what are you going to do?

Live in one of those wild communes?

Uh, no, ma'am, we weren't planning on doing that.

You see, they're not going to live

in one of those wild communes.

How would you know?

You're just making polite conversation with him.

What do you expect me to do?

Knock him down and sit on his chest?

I don't think I could do it; he's bigger than I am.

You don't even care about your daughter.

I care a lot about my daughter, but my daughter is 18.

And this gentleman is how old?

21.21.

Well, I don't think I can

manage people's lives when they're adult.

I mean, I could tell him what marriage is like,

but why depress him now?

This should be a happy moment.

You are so childish.

Irresponsible, just the way you always were.

You have some foolish idea that everything is going to work out,

and it never, ever does.

And you'll never do anything

as a mature human being to make it work.

I never had to. I always had you, dear.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

I always went along with every stupid thing you ever suggested.

The unimportant things.

The big things, you always made the decisions.

You never let on you did, but you did.

Quietly but firmly, the iron hand.

You always said that, but it's not true.

It is true. It is not true!

Absolutely true. No!

Hold it, hold it, excuse me.

Excuse me.

I can see why you people broke up.

You're really in completely different bags, aren't you?

I mean, it's a classic symbiotic relationship.

A what? A symbiotic relationship.

It's a neurotic fusion.

I mean, you feed on each other's neuroses.

I mean, you're really not very good for each other,

but you stuck together for sick reasons.

Sick reasons?

Yeah, uh...

Dependency, stuff like that.

I mean, I don't know exactly how it went.

I only had three years of psychology,

but I can see it was no good.

I mean, you did the right thing to break up. Well, thank you.

Oh, wow. Oh!

It must have been a really bad scene, huh?

She won't listen to me.

I talked myself blue in the face and she told me to get lost.

She's made up her mind and that's it.

Oh, no. I pleaded with her, I threatened her.

No go.

Stubborn? Oh, boy.

I wouldn't take it so hard.

Worse things could have happened.

See? He doesn't mind.

He's starting to drink already,

celebrating the wedding.

Oh, come on, one drink.

You mean you want her to get married? Like this?

In the middle of the night to this... boy?

Roger's not such a bad guy.

You didn't get a chance to talk to him.

You were out of the room. I kind of like him.

Yeah, I dig you, too, man.

Thank you.

You know whose fault this whole thing is? It's yours.

Sure, that's the way you brought her up.

She's just like you. Impulsive, thoughtless...

The minute she thinks of something, she does it,

regardless of the consequences.

Exactly like you.

Oh, what do you know about me?

Oh, I know, don't worry.

Debbie's told me all about you.

I know you very well.

Debbie!

Well, we have to talk about something.

Yeah.

Well, I know you pretty well, too, Paul.

You're the kind of guy who won't go out

of his neighborhood without traveler's checks.

You've got dollar signs for eyes

and they could give you a heart transplant

with a piggy bank. Go get him, Tiger.

And I'll tell you something else, too.

Debbie used to think I was a lot of fun.

That's why she married me.

She liked my thoughtlessness, my impulsiveness.

But I grew up.

Yeah, to this?

I married you to get away from my family.

Mostly your old man,

who was just like this guy.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!

Wait a minute, please!

Now this thing has become very clear to me.

I mean, listening to you three guys,

a lot of things are straightening out for me.

I can see the whole thing.

What do you see?

Well, you know what I was saying before

about the symbiotic relationship?

What? Yeah.

What symbiotic relationship?

This is me, not you. You stay out of it.

Well, it all ties in.

I mean, yeah, first she goes into a symbiotic

then she reverts to an old-time Oedipal.

Old-time Oedipal? That's you.

You're talking about Julie?

No, ma'am, you.

Oh.

I'm an old-time Oedipal?

Yeah, I see the whole thing.

She's marrying me to rebel against you.

Who? Me?

No, you.

But what she really wants is him.

Me? Yes, you.

And I just figured something else out.

I never wanted to get married in the first place.

It was all her idea.

It was? Yeah.

And I don't want to end up like him.

Who, me?

No, him.

You, you're probably living in a room somewhere, right?

A one-room apartment. Right.

I drive a four-cylinder compact. Right!

Right! I mean, I don't want to wind up like that.

You know, he's a smart kid.

I mean, in today's society, a divorce is too, uh, disruptive.

I mean, I've got better things to do with my life.

Well, I'm all ready.

Shall we go, Roger?

Um, uh... Well, good-bye.

I don't know when you'll see me again,

but when you do, I'll be a married woman.

Let's go, Roger. Julie...

Uh, honey, uh, uh... listen.

Uh... I don't think we're going to go to Vegas.

What? Well, I want to talk to you about it,

but I think I got a whole new slant on this

marriage business, you see, I... Did you...?

What did you do?

What did you tell him?

We didn't tell him a thing, honest.

You ruined everything for me.

Oh, honey, don't get upset.

Now let's take a ride and talk.

I want to... I'll tell you all about it.

Uh, you're not going to need this.

Come on, honey. Now listen...

We should be back in about an hour, all right?

Well, that solves that little problem.

Oh, no, it isn't solved at all.

It's a temporary truce; there'll be something else.

With Julie, there is always something else.

Debbie's right.

We'll probably be calling you again

one of these mornings.

Oh, no, you won't.

No, I, uh, I didn't plan to tell you like this.

I wanted it to be more of a surprise.

But as of next Sunday,

you will no longer enjoy my services as a troubleshooter.

What do you mean? Well, why not?

I'm moving.

You're moving? Where?

Detroit.

Detroit? You mean out of town?

I believe Detroit is out of town,

several hundred miles out of town.

Why are you doing this, John?

Well, it's a promotion.

I'm being transferred.

A step up. Oh, congratulations.

Thank you. DEBBIE: You're being transferred now?

But you've had dozens of chances to be transferred

and you've always turned them down; why accept this time?

I don't know. Oh, I know!

You're trying to get away from us.

Running away from responsibility.

That's just like you, John.

That's your answer, escape.

Oh, now, dear, I don't think

that is quite reasonable.

I mean, after all, John has done his very best.

Oh, you're on his side now?

No, but I think he's done his share.

After all, I am the husband now.

Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore; I'm going to bed.

Good night, Paul, and good-bye, John.

Good-bye and I'll write.

And the support checks will come.

Perhaps a day late, but they'll come.

Well, I suppose that, uh, this may be good-bye.

Probably won't see you again for a while,

but best of luck.

Thanks, good luck to you.

Thank you.

Well, I, uh, I guess I better get upstairs.

Sure, go ahead.

Bye.

Bye.

May I come in, please?

What are you doing here?

John, I have to talk to you.

She threw me out.

We had a big fight after you left.

John, do you mind if I spend the rest of the night here?

I don't know where else to go.

Here?

What was the fight about?

Well, she said you're much more of a man than I am.

Oh! That doesn't mean a thing.

She's said that to me a hundred times.

And she was talking about you.

Don't you know her yet?

To her, any man who is not her husband

is more of a man than her husband.

Now, unfortunately, you are now her husband.

So you are less of a man than I am.

Oh. Well, what can I do?

Get right back home.

Tell her to cut out the nonsense,

then in the morning, bring her coffee in bed

and she'll purr like a pussycat.

You really think that'll work?

In 20 years, I should have learned something.

Well, gee, thanks a lot, old boy. I...

I really appreciate it.

All right. Wait!

Listen, John,

you're really determined to go to Detroit?

Yes, I am.

You really think you'll like it?

I mean, you won't know anyone.

All your friends are here.

Oh, it'll be tough for a while,

but I make friends easily.

I hear the winters are horrible there.

I've got a heavy coat.

Listen, John, uh...

you wouldn't think about really

changing your job completely, would you?

I mean, I might have an opening in my company...

Thanks a lot, but I am going

to Detroit and that is final. You really are?

Yes, I am. Detroit.

438 miles.

But actually, it's not that far, is it?

I mean, an hour by air.

I mean, in case of a real emergency,

I could hop a plane and be here in just...

Out!

You know, I never let anybody

just pick me up on the street before.

But you certainly have a different approach.

Love is all over the world.