Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,828 --> 00:00:01,760
[♪♪♪♪♪]
2
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,637
Again?
3
00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,101
♪ Tell me why ♪
4
00:00:32,239 --> 00:00:35,138
♪ I love you like I do ♪
5
00:00:35,276 --> 00:00:36,622
♪ Tell me who ♪
6
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,762
♪ Can stop my heart
As much as you ♪
7
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:40,523
♪ Let's take
Each other's hand ♪
8
00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:43,595
♪ As we jump
Into the final frontier ♪
9
00:00:45,183 --> 00:00:48,048
♪ Mad about you, baby ♪
10
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:51,775
[♪♪♪♪♪]
11
00:00:54,399 --> 00:00:56,918
[HUMMING]
12
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,301
Oh, you perfectly
little round pancake.
13
00:01:16,628 --> 00:01:17,491
[SNIFFS]
14
00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:19,009
Ahh!
15
00:01:19,148 --> 00:01:20,321
[DOOR BUZZER]
16
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,841
Just a second!
17
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,156
[BUZZER]
18
00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:29,503
Can a man not eat
a pancake in peace?
19
00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:30,987
Okay!
[BUZZER]
20
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,402
What's the use
of even trying?
21
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,059
Thank you very much
for your patience.
22
00:01:34,197 --> 00:01:36,026
That's awfully
nice of you.
23
00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:38,546
What?
What? What you?
24
00:01:38,684 --> 00:01:40,065
What's the matter,
you depressed?
25
00:01:40,203 --> 00:01:41,066
No, I'm not depressed.
26
00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:42,550
Well, you're
wearing a robe.
27
00:01:42,688 --> 00:01:43,620
So?
28
00:01:43,758 --> 00:01:45,208
Depressed people
wear robes.
29
00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:47,521
So do people who just wanna
eat their pancakes.
30
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:48,556
Pancakes?
31
00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:49,902
Get away
from the pancakes!
32
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,388
I'm very much looking forward
to the first bi--
33
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:53,389
That's good!
34
00:01:53,527 --> 00:01:54,424
Yeah, I'm sure.
35
00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:55,529
No, no, no! Taste!
36
00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:56,495
No! It's ruined now.
37
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:57,565
Why?
38
00:01:57,703 --> 00:01:58,980
You got the first bite.
39
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,328
Pancakes are all about
the first bite.
40
00:02:01,466 --> 00:02:03,468
Taste, huh?
41
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,091
Huh?
42
00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:07,403
It's all right.
43
00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:10,578
Paulie, cheer up.
How about this?
44
00:02:10,716 --> 00:02:13,512
I will buy you
an IHOP.
45
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:15,307
And what is this?
46
00:02:15,445 --> 00:02:17,447
Sim-Tech Corporation.
You don't remember?
47
00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:18,793
You don't recognize
this name?
48
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,347
Sim-Tech?
Yeah.
49
00:02:20,485 --> 00:02:21,520
Sim-Tech?
50
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:25,317
Wasn't that the tailor in Fiddler on the Roof?
51
00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:27,802
Your virtual reality
investment, you remember?
52
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,252
You're kidding me.
53
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,117
No. You have been paid back,
pal, and then some.
54
00:02:32,255 --> 00:02:33,636
Oh, I would say so.
55
00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:35,603
Hey! This is-- Nice goin'!
56
00:02:35,741 --> 00:02:37,018
This is beautiful.
57
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,019
Isn't it?
58
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,539
This is going
right into the bank.
59
00:02:40,677 --> 00:02:42,127
Well, that's good.
60
00:02:42,265 --> 00:02:43,439
That's prudent.
61
00:02:43,577 --> 00:02:44,440
That's wise.
62
00:02:44,578 --> 00:02:45,510
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:45,648 --> 00:02:47,097
How would you like
to make 10 times that
64
00:02:47,236 --> 00:02:48,409
in the next five years?
65
00:02:48,547 --> 00:02:50,342
You know, if I had the time,
I would, but I don't.
66
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,792
All right,
forget about it.
67
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:54,553
It's not like I was not spot on
right the first time, correct?
68
00:02:54,691 --> 00:02:56,106
But never mind.
You keep your money.
69
00:02:56,245 --> 00:02:58,074
When this other thing
turns huge,
70
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,076
I will be retired
for the rest of my life,
71
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,147
and you, my friend,
will be in your robe
72
00:03:02,285 --> 00:03:04,494
trying to explain to Mabel
why she cannot go to camp.
73
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,324
Fine.
74
00:03:06,462 --> 00:03:07,325
Hey.
75
00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:08,464
Hi.
76
00:03:08,602 --> 00:03:11,605
Ooh, pancakes!
Who made those?
77
00:03:11,743 --> 00:03:12,744
The pancake fairy.
78
00:03:12,882 --> 00:03:14,573
That guy from
the food channel?
79
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:17,611
I made pancakes.
80
00:03:17,749 --> 00:03:18,612
Oh, man.
What?
81
00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:20,545
What is with you people?
What?
82
00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:22,616
He thinks we're depressed
'cause we wear robes.
83
00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:23,582
Are we depressed?
84
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:24,894
No!
85
00:03:25,032 --> 00:03:27,207
We're not thrilled,
but we're not depressed.
86
00:03:27,345 --> 00:03:28,587
So, Ira, how's Melissa?
87
00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,244
Aw, man, she is so good.
88
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:31,935
Melissa?
I know not of Melissa.
89
00:03:32,073 --> 00:03:32,971
JAMIE:
New girlfriend.
90
00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,179
Really cute,
really smart,
91
00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:35,974
really fun,
really likes me.
92
00:03:36,112 --> 00:03:37,700
Yeah? So what's the catch?
None.
93
00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:40,116
There's always a catch. Listen,
every woman on the earth,
94
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,980
no matter how great,
there's always a catch.
95
00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:43,015
What was
my catch?
96
00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:44,327
You had none.
97
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:49,815
So, James, what do you
think of this?
98
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,611
"Sim-Tech Corporation."
99
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,130
Our virtual reality
investment?
100
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,131
Yes, ma'am.
101
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,064
Mind like a steel trap.
102
00:03:57,202 --> 00:03:58,203
This is ours?
103
00:03:58,341 --> 00:03:59,411
Yes!
104
00:03:59,549 --> 00:04:02,103
Ira, oh, my God, you are
a very savvy young man.
105
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,312
Thank you.
106
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:05,245
Should we take the money
and run or roll it over?
107
00:04:05,383 --> 00:04:07,212
"Roll it over."
Listen to her.
108
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,558
What do you think?
109
00:04:08,696 --> 00:04:10,698
What is he,
Charles Schwab?
110
00:04:10,836 --> 00:04:12,700
One time five years ago,
he lucked out.
111
00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:13,874
He doesn't know.
112
00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:15,669
Thank you for
your confidence in me.
113
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,187
You've earned it.
114
00:04:17,326 --> 00:04:19,120
This money should go
right under our pillow.
115
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,502
What's the pillow paying
these days, about 7.5 percent?
116
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,572
Okay, James...
117
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:24,194
check out the latest.
118
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:25,713
The Sim-Tech
life-predictor.
119
00:04:25,851 --> 00:04:26,887
Uh-huh.
120
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:29,199
This is
a very powerful computer
121
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:30,442
that predicts
the future.
122
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:33,342
Okay. Right under the pillow,
this is going.
123
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,689
No. It's all based
on mathematical probability.
124
00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,725
You just plug in
the pertinent information,
125
00:04:37,863 --> 00:04:39,209
and it shows you
your future
126
00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:41,453
within a very small
margin of error.
127
00:04:41,591 --> 00:04:43,731
My God, man.
128
00:04:43,869 --> 00:04:45,457
This thing could
change the world.
129
00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:46,734
I know.
No more famine
130
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:48,253
'cause we'll
see it coming.
131
00:04:48,391 --> 00:04:50,738
No more pestilence,
whatever that is.
132
00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:53,154
People will be saved
from oppression.
133
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,399
Plus, I will know chicks' phone
numbers before I even ask 'em.
134
00:04:56,537 --> 00:04:58,159
I wanna go
see this thing.
135
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,471
No, we're not.
We have a child.
136
00:04:59,609 --> 00:05:00,748
We have
responsibilities.
137
00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:02,923
If we fall into some money,
you don't just spend it.
138
00:05:03,061 --> 00:05:05,822
You put it away.
That's the whole...
139
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,411
You see this look
you're giving me now?
140
00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:09,447
Yeah.
141
00:05:09,585 --> 00:05:11,897
That is your catch.
142
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:20,216
Okay, guys, I would like you
to meet Zack Grundfest,
143
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,286
Hello, Zack.
144
00:05:21,424 --> 00:05:22,667
Nice to meet you.
145
00:05:22,805 --> 00:05:23,909
Pleasure
to meet you both.
146
00:05:24,047 --> 00:05:26,222
Zack is the inventor
of the life-predictor.
147
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,672
Oh. Look at you.
148
00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:30,675
When I was your age, I was still
playing with a magna-doodle.
149
00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:32,435
Hey, don't talk
like that to a minor.
150
00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:33,850
Mr. Buchman,
the computer world
151
00:05:33,988 --> 00:05:36,784
the computer world
is replete with boy geniuses.
152
00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:38,234
I'm just a face
in the crowd.
153
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,305
"Replete" means...
154
00:05:40,443 --> 00:05:41,755
A lot of 'em.
155
00:05:41,893 --> 00:05:45,034
So, Zack, you must be
very proud of all this.
156
00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:47,243
Well, it's
my life's work.
157
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:52,248
Zack, just between us,
and this goes no farther,
158
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:55,251
this doesn't really
work, does it?
159
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,737
Well, I invite you
to judge for yourselves.
160
00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:02,500
All right.
What do we do?
161
00:06:02,638 --> 00:06:05,330
First, you have to answer
the computer questionnaire,
162
00:06:05,468 --> 00:06:08,851
then let the wall cameras
take a set of photos of you,
163
00:06:08,989 --> 00:06:10,300
and then all you gotta do
164
00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:12,302
is ask the computer
a question
165
00:06:12,441 --> 00:06:14,684
and wait to see if its
prediction will come true.
166
00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:15,823
Have fun, you two.
167
00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:17,791
Yes, enjoy yourselves.
See you later.
168
00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:18,826
Thank you.
169
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:20,725
All right.
Here we go.
170
00:06:20,863 --> 00:06:23,348
Height.
I'm gonna say 6'4".
171
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:25,212
Weight: 150.
172
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,697
It's not gonna work
if you don't tell it the truth.
173
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:29,181
I'm telling the truth.
174
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,149
16 inches.
175
00:06:31,977 --> 00:06:33,358
Collar size.
176
00:06:35,498 --> 00:06:37,362
"Fears and affinities."
177
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:40,192
"Sexual preferences."
178
00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:54,206
Favorite book. Uh...
179
00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:55,622
Great Expectations.
180
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,693
You never even read Great Expectations.
181
00:06:57,831 --> 00:07:01,697
I started it, and I thought
it was very well written.
182
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,359
Guess that's it
for the photos.
183
00:07:09,498 --> 00:07:11,879
All right.
Now what happens?
184
00:07:12,017 --> 00:07:12,915
[BEEPING]
185
00:07:13,053 --> 00:07:14,503
Ooh. Something's happening.
186
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,470
All hands
to the fiesta deck.
187
00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:22,925
Hi. How you doin'?
188
00:07:23,063 --> 00:07:23,891
Wow. She's hot.
189
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:25,721
Thanks.
190
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,032
Hello, Paul
and Jamie Buchman
191
00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:29,034
of number 5
East 12th Street.
192
00:07:29,172 --> 00:07:30,898
Hello.
193
00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:32,348
I'm simulated Jamie,
194
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,730
and this is
simulated Paul.
195
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:39,148
Cheers. How do you do?
I'm Paul Bukeman.
196
00:07:39,286 --> 00:07:41,391
I begged you not to lie
on the questionnaire.
197
00:07:41,530 --> 00:07:44,394
My darling, you're a vision in gray on gray.
198
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:46,155
Oh, where's
the redo button?
199
00:07:46,293 --> 00:07:47,259
I like this me.
200
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:48,640
If I wanted to
marry Cary Grant,
201
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:50,746
I would've married
Cary Grant.
202
00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:55,992
Yes-- Yes-- Yes...
203
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,374
I'm just saying--
I'm just saying...
204
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,375
Hello.
205
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,376
There we are.
206
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,757
Paul, Jamie,
207
00:08:01,895 --> 00:08:03,724
what would you like to know about your future?
208
00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:05,933
You ask, we answer, everyone goes home happy.
209
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,210
Sweetie,
they know the drill.
210
00:08:07,348 --> 00:08:08,211
All right, sir.
211
00:08:08,349 --> 00:08:09,247
Wow.
212
00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:10,938
We don't sound
anything like that.
213
00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,284
What should we
ask them?
214
00:08:12,422 --> 00:08:14,804
Will the Harlem
Globetrotters ever lose?
215
00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:15,943
JAMIE:
Paul!
216
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,462
Just...anytime
you're ready,
217
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,981
just type away.
218
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:21,086
Simulated Paul!
219
00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:23,088
Wow. This thing's good.
220
00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:28,300
"If we go to lunch at Riff's,
what will happen?"
221
00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:33,961
Ooh! Choking man!
Choking man!
222
00:08:34,099 --> 00:08:38,483
Where's the poster with the guy that shows you how to do it--
223
00:08:38,621 --> 00:08:39,484
[DING]
224
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:40,485
Thanks.
225
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:41,486
Breadstick.
226
00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:42,487
You're welcome.
227
00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:44,420
We're happy to help.
228
00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:50,012
Well?
229
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,392
Okay, okay.
First of all,
230
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,049
I would never be
as lame as that
231
00:08:53,187 --> 00:08:54,430
in an emergency
situation.
232
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,743
Okay. Then you won't mind
going to lunch and finding out.
233
00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:57,985
Fine. I will
be terrific.
234
00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,918
In seventh grade
health class, Mrs. Mendel,
235
00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:03,473
I saved Resuscitation Annie
like three times a week.
236
00:09:03,612 --> 00:09:05,510
You're making us late
for the future.
237
00:09:05,648 --> 00:09:06,822
Okay.
238
00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:11,654
See, honey? Same booth.
239
00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:13,518
Honey, there's only
two booths.
240
00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:15,589
And by the way, your life-
predictor's prediction
241
00:09:15,727 --> 00:09:17,487
for this next booth didn't
exactly come true.
242
00:09:17,626 --> 00:09:18,972
JAMIE:
Just give it time.
243
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:22,492
My cousin, the most
skeptical man on earth.
244
00:09:22,631 --> 00:09:25,047
I think a certain amount
of skepticism is called for.
245
00:09:25,185 --> 00:09:26,289
Thank you.
246
00:09:26,427 --> 00:09:28,119
Melissa did
the computer profile last week.
247
00:09:28,257 --> 00:09:29,879
I'm still not sure
that I believe in it.
248
00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:33,020
Well, thank you, Melissa,
for your good common sense.
249
00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:36,368
And may I say, everything
Ira said about you is true.
250
00:09:36,506 --> 00:09:37,542
What'd you tell him?
251
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,854
I raved a little bit.
252
00:09:38,992 --> 00:09:40,787
Hey, hey, Chippie,
253
00:09:40,925 --> 00:09:42,271
what do we have here?
254
00:09:42,409 --> 00:09:43,306
Wow.
255
00:09:43,444 --> 00:09:45,101
Uh-oh. He's getting
breadsticks.
256
00:09:45,239 --> 00:09:46,516
Paulie, what did
I tell you, huh?
257
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:49,450
This guy actually have to
asphyxiate for you to believe?
258
00:09:58,701 --> 00:10:00,392
Excuse me, sir.
259
00:10:01,911 --> 00:10:03,085
Yeah?
260
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,606
You okay?
261
00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:08,435
Yeah.
262
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:09,885
Sorry.
263
00:10:12,197 --> 00:10:14,614
So, Melissa,
what do you do?
264
00:10:14,752 --> 00:10:17,547
I teach at a school
for underprivileged children.
265
00:10:17,686 --> 00:10:19,239
It's incredibly
rewarding.
266
00:10:19,377 --> 00:10:20,723
Wow. And when
you're not working?
267
00:10:20,861 --> 00:10:23,553
I read a lot,
I work out religiously,
268
00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:25,590
and I'm a pretty big
sports fan.
269
00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,074
Oh, unbelievable.
270
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:29,732
Ask her anything:
baseball, football.
271
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:32,597
All right. Joe Namath's backup
on the 1970 Jets would be...
272
00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,219
Al Woodall.
273
00:10:34,357 --> 00:10:37,188
Okay. You're right. There's
a woman without a catch.
274
00:10:37,326 --> 00:10:38,603
Well, not exactly.
275
00:10:38,741 --> 00:10:40,087
No, no, you are.
276
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,606
No. No,
I'm really not.
277
00:10:41,744 --> 00:10:43,573
What do you mean?
278
00:10:43,712 --> 00:10:47,232
Ira, there's something that
I've been meaning to tell you.
279
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:48,820
It's been on my mind,
280
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:51,029
and I just don't
feel right going another second
281
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,306
without telling you.
282
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:56,034
It's okay. Believe me,
whatever you have to tell me,
283
00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:58,002
I'm sure we could
work through it.
284
00:10:58,140 --> 00:11:00,936
Ira, I've decided
that I'm going to become a man.
285
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:03,455
[COUGHING]
286
00:11:04,905 --> 00:11:07,080
I'm gonna have
an operation and become a man.
287
00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:11,084
You will be my last
relationship as a woman.
288
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,982
[MAN COUGHING]
289
00:11:14,777 --> 00:11:17,400
Now, see, that's what
I would call a catch.
290
00:11:17,538 --> 00:11:19,092
Ooh! Choking man!
Choking man!
291
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:23,648
Where's the poster with the guy
that shows you how to do it--
292
00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:24,649
[DING]
293
00:11:24,787 --> 00:11:25,650
Thanks.
294
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:26,651
Breadstick.
295
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:27,652
You're welcome.
296
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,205
We're happy to help.
297
00:11:29,343 --> 00:11:31,173
I was in a lot
of trouble there.
298
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:32,139
You're okay now?
299
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:33,658
Yes, I'm okay.
300
00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:36,040
My name is Jim Weaver.
Hi. Jamie Buchman.
301
00:11:36,178 --> 00:11:37,904
Wait a minute. Jim Weaver
the sports agent?
302
00:11:38,042 --> 00:11:40,734
Yes.
Wow. It's a great pleasure.
303
00:11:40,872 --> 00:11:42,218
You know who
this guy represents?
304
00:11:42,356 --> 00:11:45,739
Evander Holyfield,
Shaquille O'Neal, Brett Favre.
305
00:11:45,877 --> 00:11:47,223
Yeah. It's my pleasure.
306
00:11:47,361 --> 00:11:49,432
You know, I never
get recognized.
307
00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:52,573
She's a big sports fan.
308
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,024
Allow me a small gesture
of gratitude.
309
00:11:55,162 --> 00:11:56,923
We're having a party
tonight at the St. Regis
310
00:11:57,061 --> 00:11:57,993
for Mark McGwire.
311
00:11:58,131 --> 00:11:59,166
You are not.
312
00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:00,202
Yeah.
313
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:01,651
Mark McGwire?
Uh-huh.
314
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:03,170
It's gonna be
a lot of fun,
315
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:04,654
so why don't you come by, okay?
316
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,173
You have a drink,
you meet Mark,
317
00:12:06,311 --> 00:12:07,865
you keep me away
from the breadsticks.
318
00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:09,314
I think we say yes.
319
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:12,283
That's very nice of you.
Thank you.
320
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:16,563
So, how do you feel about
the life-predictor now?
321
00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:18,427
Take it away, Zack.
322
00:12:18,565 --> 00:12:20,187
Our money is your money.
323
00:12:20,325 --> 00:12:23,846
You are a genius.
324
00:12:23,984 --> 00:12:25,675
Thank you.
And may I say
325
00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:27,332
this is money
well-spent.
326
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:34,167
Okay. "What will Melissa
be doing 2 months from now?"
327
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:39,724
Twenty-four, 15!
328
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:40,725
Opposite.
329
00:12:40,863 --> 00:12:43,314
Blue! Hut, hut, hut!
330
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:47,352
That's just
what you want:
331
00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:49,078
A woman who can
read a defense.
332
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,011
You cannot
take this personally.
333
00:12:51,149 --> 00:12:53,634
James, you know,
you think as you get older,
334
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,912
you can see stuff
coming.
335
00:12:55,050 --> 00:12:57,535
Sparky, this party's
gonna cheer you up.
336
00:12:57,673 --> 00:12:59,019
You think I should
bring Melissa?
337
00:12:59,157 --> 00:13:01,159
No matter how good
a time you show her,
338
00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:03,230
you may not be able
to change her mind.
339
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:05,232
I'm as romantic
as the next guy,
340
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:07,717
but once she becomes
a quarterback,
341
00:13:07,856 --> 00:13:10,444
the sex is
going to change.
342
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,239
Thank you. I know that.
343
00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:14,207
I'm not trying
to change her mind.
344
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:18,245
I just want to give her
a good sendoff as a woman.
345
00:13:18,383 --> 00:13:20,765
I feel a responsibility
to make sure
346
00:13:20,903 --> 00:13:23,216
that she has a positive
last female experience.
347
00:13:23,354 --> 00:13:25,218
Right, 'cause you don't want
her talkin' trash
348
00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:27,323
about you in the locker room.
349
00:13:27,461 --> 00:13:28,877
You're a very
honorable man.
350
00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:30,050
Thank you...
351
00:13:30,188 --> 00:13:31,776
because, you know,
this is new turf for me.
352
00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:32,812
I know.
353
00:13:32,950 --> 00:13:34,468
Tomorrow she and I
are going shopping.
354
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,816
We're looking at
Adam's apples.
355
00:13:37,644 --> 00:13:39,094
Okay.
356
00:13:39,232 --> 00:13:43,270
"If we all go to
the Mark McGwire party,
357
00:13:43,408 --> 00:13:45,100
what will happen?"
358
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,213
Wow.
359
00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:56,249
Gee.
360
00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:58,561
Must've been
a very good party.
361
00:14:00,149 --> 00:14:01,116
[♪♪♪♪♪]
362
00:14:05,085 --> 00:14:06,949
I find it difficult
to believe
363
00:14:07,087 --> 00:14:09,987
that you are gonna end up
in bed with Mark McGwire.
364
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:11,264
You're jealous.
365
00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,473
Sweetie, no,
I'm not jealous.
366
00:14:13,611 --> 00:14:15,475
I'm just worried
about our investment.
367
00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,648
Uh-huh.
368
00:14:16,786 --> 00:14:19,479
We have to get you
into bed with Mark McGwire
369
00:14:19,617 --> 00:14:21,619
to make sure that
the machine works.
370
00:14:21,757 --> 00:14:26,969
Well, I suppose if I must get
into bed with big mac...
371
00:14:27,107 --> 00:14:28,729
I think that would be best
for both of us.
372
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,940
Just don't do that goofy thing
you do when we meet celebrities.
373
00:14:32,078 --> 00:14:32,975
What goofy thing?
374
00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:34,183
I don't know.
You get weird.
375
00:14:34,321 --> 00:14:35,667
Remember when
we met Monty Hall?
376
00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:39,016
I was fine when
we met Monty Hall.
377
00:14:39,154 --> 00:14:40,603
Just don't be goofy.
378
00:14:40,741 --> 00:14:41,881
Okay. How about this?
379
00:14:42,019 --> 00:14:43,917
You get an operation also
and become a woman,
380
00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:46,437
and then we can
still go out.
381
00:14:46,575 --> 00:14:49,440
Melissa, I love you,
but I don't think so.
382
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:51,028
Okay.
383
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:54,824
I could maybe wear a little eye
shadow, but that's about it.
384
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,452
Hey, Mark, over here.
385
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:03,488
Tim, the party
looks great.
386
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:04,524
Absolutely.
387
00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:06,353
Hey, I have
your itinerary
388
00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:07,354
and your room key.
389
00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:08,528
I got a key
at the front desk.
390
00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:09,529
Oh, okay.
391
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:10,530
Hey, Jim.
392
00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:11,738
Oh, hi, Jamie.
393
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:13,740
Jamie, Paul Buchman,
say hello to Mark McGwire.
394
00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:15,604
Jamie saved my life
in the restaurant today.
395
00:15:15,742 --> 00:15:16,605
Nice to meet you.
396
00:15:16,743 --> 00:15:17,917
Pleasure to meet you.
397
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,677
It is, isn't it?
Isn't it really a pleasure?
398
00:15:19,815 --> 00:15:21,472
What do you mean?
399
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:22,922
Isn't my wife
lovely?
400
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:24,268
Yes, she is.
401
00:15:24,406 --> 00:15:26,511
And you haven't seen half of
her. Look what's going on--
402
00:15:26,649 --> 00:15:27,857
Paul!
403
00:15:27,996 --> 00:15:29,790
Listen, it was really nice
meeting both of you.
404
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,896
Will you excuse me,
please?
405
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:34,623
Nice goin'.
406
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,625
I was trying to facilitate
the little thing there.
407
00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:37,937
Yeah. Monty Hall.
408
00:15:38,075 --> 00:15:38,938
Hey.
Hi.
409
00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:40,525
Where's Melissa?
410
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:41,561
Ladies' room.
411
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:43,839
Maybe for
the last time.
412
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:46,980
Listen, I'm getting
a little worried here.
413
00:15:47,118 --> 00:15:47,981
We might have a problem.
414
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:49,155
I'm having
a heck of a time
415
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:52,123
getting my wife into bed
with Mark McGwire.
416
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:53,504
Hang on a minute.
417
00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:54,815
Oh, God.
418
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,578
Hey, Mark, Mark McGwire.
Ira Buchman. How you doin'?
419
00:15:58,716 --> 00:16:00,269
Fine. How are you?
I'm good.
420
00:16:00,407 --> 00:16:02,030
I am the cousin of the guy
421
00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:05,205
who's married to the woman
who saved your agent's life.
422
00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:07,414
Good to meet you.
You, too.
423
00:16:07,552 --> 00:16:10,624
So, must be something bein'
the home run champ, huh?
424
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,385
It's a lot of fun.
425
00:16:12,523 --> 00:16:15,905
You must have chicks, like,
throwing themselves at you.
426
00:16:16,044 --> 00:16:18,598
No, not really.
427
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:20,600
Not that I would know
anything about that.
428
00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:22,084
I have, actually,
429
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:25,087
an increasingly checkered
history with women, myself.
430
00:16:25,225 --> 00:16:28,090
My latest, this woman
who I'm really nuts about,
431
00:16:28,228 --> 00:16:30,506
turns out she wants
to be a man.
432
00:16:30,644 --> 00:16:32,129
Mm-hmm.
433
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:33,199
Anyway, uh...
434
00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:37,582
What I wanted to say was,
if I were you,
435
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,860
I would seriously consider
436
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,829
making a play
for my cousin's wife.
437
00:16:45,901 --> 00:16:48,076
What's the deal with
everyone and that woman?
438
00:16:48,214 --> 00:16:51,044
I don't know. I'm starting
to wish I choked to death.
439
00:16:51,182 --> 00:16:53,046
What I'm saying is
we would all, all of us,
440
00:16:53,184 --> 00:16:57,292
be very happy if you and she
were to wind up in bed together.
441
00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,397
Thanks, but
I don't think so.
442
00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:01,399
You sure?
443
00:17:01,537 --> 00:17:04,575
It was very nice for Mark
to have met you, Ira.
444
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:06,266
Opportunity's knockin',
my friend.
445
00:17:06,404 --> 00:17:07,371
Okay, Ira.
446
00:17:07,509 --> 00:17:10,650
I should've stopped
when I was at 57.
447
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:11,651
How'd it go?
448
00:17:11,789 --> 00:17:12,652
Not so good.
449
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:13,653
All right. Excuse me.
450
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:14,654
Where you going?
451
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,483
Just watch closely.
452
00:17:17,795 --> 00:17:19,486
Hi, Mark. Remember me?
453
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:21,937
You know, I couldn't
help noticing...
454
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:27,736
your forearm is the same
thickness as my thigh.
455
00:17:27,874 --> 00:17:29,289
Will you pardon me?
456
00:17:31,809 --> 00:17:34,674
Ooh, that had to hurt,
I bet, huh?
457
00:17:34,812 --> 00:17:35,675
Thinks he's so big.
458
00:17:35,813 --> 00:17:37,194
Yeah.
459
00:17:37,332 --> 00:17:39,092
This is bad.
This is very, very bad.
460
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:40,680
I think we just gotta
face the facts.
461
00:17:40,818 --> 00:17:43,131
We are gonna lose
all that money.
462
00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:44,891
And also, I think
it's gonna be a long time
463
00:17:45,029 --> 00:17:47,135
before we're invited
to Mark McGwire's house.
464
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:48,619
This is so depressing.
465
00:17:48,757 --> 00:17:50,103
Can we just go?
466
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,105
Yes. I'm gonna
track down Melissa.
467
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:54,625
I'm gonna drown my sorrows
a little first.
468
00:17:54,763 --> 00:17:55,626
You want something?
469
00:17:55,764 --> 00:17:56,627
Yeah, sure.
470
00:17:56,765 --> 00:17:59,147
Two vodka shots, please,
471
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:00,907
and make 'em hurt.
472
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:04,186
Two vodka shots.
473
00:18:04,324 --> 00:18:06,706
All right, sweetie,
a little toast.
474
00:18:06,844 --> 00:18:09,709
To the unnecessary loss
of a small fortune,
475
00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:12,229
and may that
never happen again.
476
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:13,540
Hear, hear.
477
00:18:14,817 --> 00:18:17,199
Aah! Wow!
[COUGHS]
478
00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:18,235
Hoo!
Ooo!
479
00:18:18,373 --> 00:18:19,236
That's good.
480
00:18:19,374 --> 00:18:20,547
Very good.
481
00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:22,791
Got any more of that fire water
there, Chester?
482
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:26,553
Two more vodka shots.
I'm sorry.
483
00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:29,556
[LAUGHING]
484
00:18:39,394 --> 00:18:43,122
Can you believe I was so stupid
that I actually believed
485
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,193
that this machine could
just predict the future?
486
00:18:45,331 --> 00:18:46,194
You're a dummy.
487
00:18:46,332 --> 00:18:47,609
You're a dummy.
You're a dummy.
488
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:48,679
You're the bigger dummy.
489
00:18:48,817 --> 00:18:52,165
I know you are,
but what am I?
490
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:54,167
Hello.
This is Tom Brokaw.
491
00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,514
[SLURRING]
In Libya today...
492
00:18:56,652 --> 00:18:57,550
Libya.
493
00:18:57,688 --> 00:18:59,172
No, no, no. Libya.
494
00:18:59,310 --> 00:19:01,795
It's so sexy
the way he says it.
495
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:02,796
Paul, Jamie!
496
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,489
In Libya...
497
00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:07,284
I think you two have
had enough, don't you?
498
00:19:07,422 --> 00:19:08,285
Okay.
499
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:10,114
"In Libya..."
500
00:19:11,115 --> 00:19:13,221
Okay. Here's what
I want you to do.
501
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,982
I want you to go upstairs
to my room. It's 613.
502
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,777
Okay? And lay down
for a little while.
503
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:18,778
Okay.
504
00:19:18,916 --> 00:19:19,813
Okay.
505
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:20,883
[SLURRING]
See ya later.
506
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,126
Yeah, later.
507
00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,791
Aah!
Sorry!
508
00:19:31,929 --> 00:19:34,276
Hey, didn't Hector
say 613?
509
00:19:34,414 --> 00:19:35,277
Hector?
510
00:19:35,415 --> 00:19:37,176
Whatever.
You know what?
511
00:19:37,314 --> 00:19:39,902
I'm gonna have a visit
to the little...
512
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,146
drunk bad investor's room.
513
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,813
Aah!
514
00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:33,335
You! What are you
doing in here?
515
00:20:34,474 --> 00:20:35,820
How'd you get in here?
516
00:20:35,958 --> 00:20:38,478
I hate when this happens.
517
00:20:38,616 --> 00:20:40,653
We're rich!
518
00:20:41,516 --> 00:20:42,413
[♪♪♪♪♪]
519
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:51,388
[♪♪♪♪♪]
520
00:21:02,985 --> 00:21:03,848
Okay, so...
521
00:21:03,986 --> 00:21:05,125
bye.
522
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,334
Bye, Paul.
Bye-bye.
523
00:21:06,472 --> 00:21:08,957
Thanks for being
a good sport about this.
524
00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:10,855
Oh, that's okay.
525
00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:13,548
Every happiness
to you both.
526
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,827
Mark, remember,
sometimes it's just,
527
00:21:16,965 --> 00:21:18,898
it's gonna be easier
to let her have her way.
528
00:21:19,036 --> 00:21:20,382
Gotcha.
529
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:21,832
And you remember,
530
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,903
they're gonna be throwing you
junk all year long,
531
00:21:24,041 --> 00:21:26,250
so just wait for your pitch,
okay, buddy?
532
00:21:32,463 --> 00:21:34,741
I'll just wait for my pitch
then, you're saying.
533
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:37,088
Okay, bye-bye, bye-bye.
See ya.
534
00:21:39,953 --> 00:21:41,161
See ya.
535
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,649
Bye-bye.
536
00:21:45,787 --> 00:21:47,306
How are those pancakes?
Pretty good?
537
00:21:54,451 --> 00:21:56,591
Thought
he'd never leave.
538
00:22:04,564 --> 00:22:05,462
Captions:
M.P.
36502
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof