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1
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:15,739
What? I just really,
really love you.
2
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:20,882
Well, I really, really,
really love you.
3
00:00:20,951 --> 00:00:23,161
Why must everything be
a competition with you?
4
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:44,216
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
5
00:00:44,285 --> 00:00:48,151
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
6
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:50,188
♪ Let's take each other's hand
7
00:00:50,257 --> 00:00:54,123
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
8
00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:57,057
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
9
00:00:57,126 --> 00:00:58,610
♪ Yeah!
10
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:12,555
How long does it take
to watch a 90-minute
documentary?
11
00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:16,766
I would think about an hour
and a half tops, right? I told ya.
12
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:20,597
It's okay. It's okay.
You know why?
13
00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:24,429
'Cause it's him, and if you're
going to do a documentary
on the history of television,
14
00:01:24,498 --> 00:01:26,983
who would you get?
Would you get somebody
like him? No, no, you get him.
15
00:01:27,052 --> 00:01:30,331
I told ya. Think he'll do it?
16
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,299
I mean, you worked
with him in the old days.
Is he gonna do it?
17
00:01:32,368 --> 00:01:35,336
Yes, he'll do it.
He'll do it. He'll do it.
He'll do it.
18
00:01:35,405 --> 00:01:38,891
I used to love this guy.
He's such a lovable legend.
You know, he's just...
19
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:39,927
[PHONE RINGING] He's him.
20
00:01:39,996 --> 00:01:42,895
MAN: I said pumpernickel.
21
00:01:46,761 --> 00:01:47,969
I told ya.
22
00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:58,152
So, I told your father,
"You're a big boy.
Go by yourself this year."
23
00:01:58,221 --> 00:02:00,499
You know how these butcher
conventions are. Yep.
24
00:02:00,568 --> 00:02:04,538
Blah, blah, blah, sirloin,
blah, blah, blah, flank steak.
25
00:02:04,607 --> 00:02:08,507
I mean after 34 years,
what's left to say
about meat?
26
00:02:08,576 --> 00:02:10,544
That's what
you're wearing? Yeah.
27
00:02:10,613 --> 00:02:12,546
To your meeting? Yeah.
28
00:02:12,615 --> 00:02:14,064
Oh, no, it's lovely.
29
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,108
Anyway, Aunt Lolly and I
just had a ball at the matinee
today, didn't we?
30
00:02:25,524 --> 00:02:29,045
Those dancers,
were they skinny.
31
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:33,394
Remember how skinny I was
when I used to dance? That wasn't you.
32
00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,707
Mama, I hate to keep you.
Shouldn't you
be getting back?
33
00:02:35,776 --> 00:02:37,018
You know,
the Connecticut Turnpike?
34
00:02:37,087 --> 00:02:40,505
What about it? She wants you on it.
35
00:02:40,574 --> 00:02:45,544
Okay. Good luck tonight
and, uh, don't forget
to comb your hair.
36
00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:47,374
Okay.
Bye, bye, Aunt Lolly.
37
00:02:47,443 --> 00:02:49,962
You know, that woman
is driving me nuts. I know.
38
00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:52,724
When she picked me up
this morning,
I was a brunette.
39
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:58,557
I got him. JAMIE: Who?
40
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:00,870
Him. JAMIE: You got Alan Brady?
41
00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:03,528
I got Alan Brady. Oh, congratulations.
42
00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:05,875
Isn't that something? So, what did he say?
43
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:08,636
He said, "I'll do it." No, tell me his exact words.
44
00:03:08,705 --> 00:03:11,570
All right. "I'll do it." God.
45
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,572
I'm telling ya. So, what is he like?
46
00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:16,196
He's-- He's like him
but in color.
47
00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:18,439
Really?
48
00:03:18,508 --> 00:03:20,338
Yeah, well, we only had
10 seconds together,
49
00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:22,685
but guess who he's
taking out to dinner tonight?
You and me.
50
00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,342
I can't.
51
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:25,446
[DOORBELL BUZZING] What do you mean
you can't?
52
00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:26,516
I have a meeting. What meeting?
53
00:03:26,585 --> 00:03:28,725
See? I do too listen.
54
00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:30,969
Hi.Hi.
55
00:03:31,038 --> 00:03:32,281
Oh, the meeting.
Yes, you have the meeting,
the meeting.
56
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:34,731
I know,
with the guy
from uptown.
57
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,633
No, you're meeting him uptown.
This is the guy from--
from Vermont. Not originally.
58
00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:42,774
This is the guy...
He's driving through Vermont
from Canada.
59
00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:44,603
This is so sad.
60
00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:45,984
Well, she gave me
the worst clues here.
61
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:48,262
Oh, I will have you know
that I was a charades champion
62
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:50,057
at camp Wankahana
three years running.
63
00:03:50,126 --> 00:03:52,266
Good. Listen,
you got to come with me
on this.
64
00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:53,716
I'm sorry.Okay, what's this?
65
00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:57,685
This is important. Well, so is this.
66
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,894
Geese, see? Yeah.
67
00:03:59,963 --> 00:04:02,449
What's this? You can go without me.
68
00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:04,416
The Sting.Okay.
69
00:04:04,485 --> 00:04:06,798
He specifically said,
"Bring the wife."
70
00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:08,248
"The wife?" My wife.
71
00:04:08,317 --> 00:04:09,421
You said, "The wife."
72
00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:13,114
The my-wife, the my-wife.
I'm begging you.
73
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:15,703
"Bridge Over Trouble Water." Yes.
74
00:04:15,772 --> 00:04:18,430
JAMIE: Fine. I will be there
as soon as I can. Thank you.
75
00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:21,295
08:00, Antonios.
The reservation is
under his name.
76
00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:23,366
I might be a little late. All right.
But not like too late.
77
00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:25,126
Okay. All right. Thank you.
78
00:04:25,195 --> 00:04:27,405
You gonna wear that? Paul?
79
00:04:27,474 --> 00:04:32,824
What? Two words. First word.
Sounds like duck.
80
00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:35,309
Second word, yeah? Off.
81
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:43,248
He asked that you
wait at his table.
82
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:44,525
His table? Yes.
83
00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:46,216
This is his own table? Wow. Uh-huh.
84
00:04:49,254 --> 00:04:52,844
Dig me.
I'm at Alan Brady's table.
85
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:55,295
I have my own table.
This is my table.
Do you like my table?
86
00:04:55,364 --> 00:04:59,126
It's my table.
It's mahogany.
87
00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:04,787
What, what is this?Mr. Brady,
how are you, sir?
88
00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:06,236
What are you doing? What?
89
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,584
What are you doing?I was just sitting.
90
00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:10,068
Where?Right here.
91
00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:11,241
Where? At your table.
92
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,864
Where at my table? Right here.
93
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:14,348
Where? In the chair.
94
00:05:14,417 --> 00:05:15,660
What chair? This chair.
95
00:05:15,729 --> 00:05:16,730
Whose chair?Your chair.
96
00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:18,697
A-ha.
97
00:05:18,766 --> 00:05:20,837
Sit over there. I was sitting in your chair.
98
00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:23,219
I'm so sorry. I would think so.
99
00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:27,223
And oh, my, my wife may be
a little bit late.
100
00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:29,121
Who? My wife.
101
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:31,400
Late for what?For dinner.
102
00:05:31,469 --> 00:05:33,436
You're bringing your wife? Well, you told me,
"Bring your wife."
103
00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:35,680
Well, sure, bring your wife.
Why don't you bring
your mother?
104
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:37,233
Got any kids? No.
105
00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:40,098
Oh, what a shame.
I was hoping to feed
a whole family.
106
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:42,342
Maurice, free eats
for everybody.
107
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,929
Really? Shut up. Get out of here.
108
00:05:47,105 --> 00:05:49,349
You got a cigar? Cigar? No.
109
00:05:49,418 --> 00:05:50,384
Give me a dollar.
110
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,422
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
111
00:05:53,491 --> 00:05:55,527
Where you going to get
a cigar for a dollar now?
112
00:05:55,596 --> 00:05:57,564
They don't know jokes.
They don't know jokes.
113
00:06:01,568 --> 00:06:03,639
Hi. Sorry I'm late. Hey. Get out of here.
114
00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:05,744
What? Get out of here.
115
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:08,126
I must have
made a mistake or something.
Well, no, no, no, no.
116
00:06:08,195 --> 00:06:10,818
I already told him
you're here. Okay.
Just sit down.
117
00:06:10,887 --> 00:06:13,096
Not there, not there. What is the matter with you?
118
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,512
Him--Him's the matter
with me.
119
00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:15,720
Who?Who, Brady.
120
00:06:15,789 --> 00:06:18,205
What about him? He's so mean.
121
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,762
Mr. Brady, let me introduce...
This is my wife. Mr. Brady.
122
00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:25,833
Call me Alan. I'm Jamie.
123
00:06:25,902 --> 00:06:28,180
What are you doing
sitting there? He told me to.
124
00:06:28,249 --> 00:06:30,424
There's a draft there.
Take my chair.
125
00:06:30,493 --> 00:06:31,460
Thank you.
126
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:41,987
Tell me, have we ever met
anywhere before? No. I'm sure I would remember.
127
00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:47,165
Oh, yes, yes, you would.
Well, anyway, what the heck.
We're here now.
128
00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:50,375
Where's my napkin?
129
00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:59,315
I edited his show
12 years. Do you know what
he gave me for Christmas?
130
00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:01,144
What? A pineapple.
131
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:07,427
What, you mean
like a fruit basket?I mean a pineapple.
132
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,534
All right.
All right.
Why am I unhappy?
133
00:07:11,603 --> 00:07:12,673
What do you mean,
you're not happy?
134
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:14,261
Sam, you worked with me
how many years?
135
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,159
Sid. Exactly.
136
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,439
Tell him, am I happy? He's a miserable
son-of-a-bitch.
137
00:07:19,508 --> 00:07:23,443
Hey, hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, no.
Listen to him. He knows.
138
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:26,929
And why am I unhappy?
I'll tell you
why I'm unhappy.
139
00:07:26,998 --> 00:07:28,758
I watched your film again
last night.
140
00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:32,106
I watched it with my wife
and a watch.
141
00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:34,937
You know what I found out?
I'll tell you what
I found out.
142
00:07:35,006 --> 00:07:37,526
I'm in this for six minutes.
143
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:41,633
360 lousy seconds
in the whole
history of television,
144
00:07:41,702 --> 00:07:43,980
is that what you think I am?
145
00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:47,190
You talk now. Okay.
146
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,159
It's-- it's not that at all.
It's just that, you know,
it's only a 90-minute film,
147
00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:54,543
and there's so much great
footage out there. So, what
I was trying to do is,
148
00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:56,890
you talk again now?
149
00:07:56,959 --> 00:08:00,307
Where's the bowling pin
sketch? Where's the piano
player with the itch sketch?
150
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,240
Where's my singing
with Fabian?
151
00:08:02,309 --> 00:08:05,001
Look, kid, you want me
to narrate this thing
or don't you?
152
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:07,970
Yes, yes. I am ecstatic.
I am ecstatic
that you're doing it.
153
00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:11,560
HBO is ecstatic.
Sid is ecstatic.
Look at Sid.
154
00:08:11,629 --> 00:08:16,185
All right. But look,
I got to tell you,
I worked a long time on this.
155
00:08:16,254 --> 00:08:19,499
I really think that
the way it is, it's just...
It's perfect.
156
00:08:19,568 --> 00:08:21,190
It stinks. Let me finish.
157
00:08:21,259 --> 00:08:24,711
Certain--Certain places still
need a little work. It stinks.
158
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:27,299
None of it is good. That's all I'm saying.
159
00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:29,923
Always good to see you, Sam.
Say hello to Gladys.
160
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:31,787
It's Sid. Say hello to Sid.
161
00:08:31,856 --> 00:08:35,100
Call me, kid,
when you fix it.
162
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,827
He's just so mean.
163
00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:48,286
Well, isn't this exotic?
I've always wanted to eat
uncooked food.
164
00:08:48,355 --> 00:08:49,908
Mom, we can go
someplace else.
165
00:08:49,977 --> 00:08:53,325
No. As long as I am
with my two girls,
I'm happy.
166
00:08:53,394 --> 00:08:57,640
Well, any luck
on the job market?No.
167
00:08:57,709 --> 00:09:00,712
You know what you haven't
tried yet, Beanie?
Fish throwing.
168
00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:03,404
Excuse me?
169
00:09:03,473 --> 00:09:06,407
You know, when they want
to get a cod from the boat
to the dock.
170
00:09:06,476 --> 00:09:08,271
Ma, I don't want
to throw fish.
171
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,620
Well, what do you
want to do? I don't know.
172
00:09:11,689 --> 00:09:14,588
Jamie, have you and Paul
thought any more
about having children?
173
00:09:14,657 --> 00:09:18,178
Oh, that's such good news. What is?
174
00:09:18,247 --> 00:09:20,525
You tell me. No, no, not yet.
We're...
175
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:24,115
Well, when? I don't know.
176
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:26,773
Lisa, going out
with anybody lately?
177
00:09:26,842 --> 00:09:29,051
Answer my prayers.No, no, no.
178
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,018
I've been to busy
talking to Jamie
179
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:33,469
about how nice it would be
for them to move
to Connecticut.
180
00:09:33,538 --> 00:09:35,057
You know,
I've always said...
181
00:09:35,126 --> 00:09:38,439
I can't leave New York
with Lisa thinking
of joining a cult.
182
00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:41,028
Again?
183
00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:43,824
No, Mom, I won't,
I mean I wouldn't...
184
00:09:45,032 --> 00:09:49,554
You know, Jamie, she...
Fish throwing, huh?
185
00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:55,491
I know, I said I had
Alan Brady, but that was
when I had Alan Brady.
186
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,252
No, no, I'm not saying
I don't have Alan Brady.
I'm just saying...
187
00:09:58,321 --> 00:10:01,117
Saying that, you know,
everything is great,
188
00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:04,914
and we'll be there,
and we'll see you
at the big screening.
189
00:10:04,983 --> 00:10:07,676
All right, then. Bye.
190
00:10:07,745 --> 00:10:11,231
Ah, well, that's it.
We don't have Brady,
we have no deal.
191
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,716
There's got to
be somebody else.
Who do you know?
192
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:17,168
Do you know George Gobel? Dead.
193
00:10:17,237 --> 00:10:19,860
What about, what's his name,
Charley Weaver? Dead.
194
00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:21,655
Tina Louise?
195
00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,071
I can't call her.
196
00:10:32,873 --> 00:10:35,289
Look at him, he's so great.
197
00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:38,327
He's just... Who am I kidding?
It's got to be him.
It's got to be him.
198
00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:40,018
[CHATTERING ON TV]
199
00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:42,676
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Hold on. Go, go, go back.
Go back.
200
00:10:42,745 --> 00:10:43,850
[REWINDING]
201
00:10:43,919 --> 00:10:45,679
Right there.
202
00:10:45,748 --> 00:10:48,440
You're wrong.
You're absolutely wrong.
203
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:52,065
Harry, if you don't
stop flirting, I'm going
home to mother. No,
204
00:10:52,134 --> 00:10:54,550
I'm going to have Mother
move in with us.
How do you like that?
205
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:57,449
I do not flirt.
Well, hello there.
206
00:10:57,518 --> 00:11:01,074
It's all in your head. Harry, I'm at
the end of my rope.
207
00:11:01,143 --> 00:11:04,767
I don't know what
you're talking about.
For you.
208
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:06,907
You're imagining these things,
I tell you.
209
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,496
Why are we watching this? You'll see. Just a second.
210
00:11:09,565 --> 00:11:11,498
Please, I spent the whole day
with my mother.
211
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:13,742
She kept talking and talking,
and she didn't say anything.
212
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:17,918
The whole time this little
noise in my head went eeek,
eeek,
213
00:11:17,987 --> 00:11:20,024
the whole time all day,
eeek, eeek, eeek.
214
00:11:21,508 --> 00:11:23,061
Just hang one second.
215
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:26,547
Madeline, you've got
to forgive me, please.
I beg you.
216
00:11:26,616 --> 00:11:28,653
I love you. I worship you.
217
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:32,208
It's you and only you
for the rest of my life.
218
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:34,486
Oh, Harry.
219
00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:37,075
It's cold out here.
You shouldn't be out
like that.
220
00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:39,146
Oh, thank you.
221
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:41,942
Oh, my God, that's my mom.I told you.
222
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,954
Yes. Hi. Is Tennessee Ernie
Ford there, please.
223
00:11:56,370 --> 00:12:01,272
Oh, I am sorry.
Well, my condolences.
224
00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:05,172
Thank you. I don't believe
this. Everybody is either dead
or Alan Brady.
225
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:07,968
Okay, see? Right there.
226
00:12:08,037 --> 00:12:12,490
Wow, are you sure that's Mom? No. It's me.
I was very big in the '50s.
227
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,906
Well, how come
she never told us? Because she's Mom.
228
00:12:14,975 --> 00:12:17,219
She doesn't talk about stuff.
She just talks.
229
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,497
See, if I put his
bowling pin sketch in here,
230
00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:22,362
then that puts Bonanza
next to What's My Line,
231
00:12:22,431 --> 00:12:25,848
which moves Loretta Young
right in the middle
of the Watergate hearings.
232
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:27,091
There's got to be
somebody else.
233
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,680
Look, right there,
Pretty girl No. 3,
Terry Cooper.
234
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,579
Oh. Cool.
235
00:12:33,442 --> 00:12:35,582
Cool?
236
00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:38,758
Don't you see? This explains
why I'm so screwed up.
I'm a showbiz kid.
237
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:45,661
Sid, hi, Paul.
Okay, Mr. Green Jeans?
Ah, okay.
238
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:48,768
Where are you going? To tell my shrink we're
gonna have to start all over.
239
00:12:48,837 --> 00:12:51,184
This is so cool.
240
00:12:51,253 --> 00:12:53,048
Do you believe this?
241
00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:55,740
We find out our mother had
a whole life, and all she
thinks of is herself.
242
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,743
Yeah, unbelievable.
Hey, who played Little Ricky?
243
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,952
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
244
00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:02,989
Who did you ignore
before you met me?
245
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:07,510
Mom, hi. Hi, gang.
246
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,202
Well, hello.
247
00:13:09,271 --> 00:13:11,307
I was just in the city.
So, I thought I'd bring you
some food.
248
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:14,276
Why were you in the city? To bring you some food.
249
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:15,725
So, what's new?
250
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,937
Nothing.
Paul is just working
on his documentary
251
00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:22,836
on the history
of television
252
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,425
with Alan Brady.
253
00:13:25,494 --> 00:13:28,221
Oh, did I ever tell you
I was on his show?
254
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:32,915
No. Really? Well, I was.
255
00:13:32,984 --> 00:13:35,262
How old are these olives? I don't remember.
256
00:13:35,331 --> 00:13:39,784
You know the rule.I can't believe
you never told me this.
257
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,925
I thought I did. Was he like a big meany
back then, too?
258
00:13:44,168 --> 00:13:46,756
He was him.How many times were you on?
259
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,828
Oh, five if you count
the gorilla sketch.
260
00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:50,760
So, so how would you
handle him?
261
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,177
The gorilla sketch?
262
00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:56,525
This carrot is so bendy. What else did you do?
263
00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:58,389
Oh, this and that.
264
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,874
Okay. So I know
he was really nice
to Patti Page.
265
00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:03,532
So, how could I be
more like Patti Page?
266
00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:06,052
I'm rearranging your eggs. This and what?
267
00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:08,709
I mean like, if I stood up
to him, would that be a real,
real bad idea?
268
00:14:08,778 --> 00:14:11,436
Will you excuse me, please?
I'm trying to have
a conversation with my mother.
269
00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:13,300
So am I. Well, I got here first.
270
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:15,233
Well, just talk about
Alan Brady, please.
271
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:18,167
Mom, talk to me, okay? Sure.
272
00:14:18,236 --> 00:14:20,790
Smell this milk. Okay. My turn.
273
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,725
So, so how did you--
how did you--
how did you handle him?
274
00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:26,210
Oh, beats me.
275
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:30,662
You were an actress?No. I was pretty.
I had a lot of pep.
276
00:14:30,731 --> 00:14:32,664
So they put me
in a couple of sketches.
277
00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:35,253
So, so you had,
like, a whole life that
we don't know anything about.
278
00:14:35,322 --> 00:14:39,464
See how I gave
that one for you. No, no. It's no big deal.
279
00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:42,053
I was young.
I needed a job,
and I had a connection.
280
00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:43,744
To Alan Brady?Uh-huh.
281
00:14:43,813 --> 00:14:46,747
What connection? He used to date
your Aunt Lolly.
282
00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:52,961
Hey, barkie, another saki.
283
00:14:55,446 --> 00:15:00,002
See, if I knew how
to handle this guy... Did you ever tickle his ear?
284
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:03,040
I can't say that I have. Well, it works.
285
00:15:03,109 --> 00:15:06,353
So you knew him really well? Oh, I knew them all
in those days.
286
00:15:06,422 --> 00:15:10,047
All those funny boys
used to come up
and do the Catskills.
287
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:12,773
Aunt Lolly played the harp
in Grosssinger's Lobby.
288
00:15:12,842 --> 00:15:19,090
Get out of here.Oh, that Alan,
was he cute and young.
289
00:15:19,159 --> 00:15:23,025
I liked them young. Wow.
290
00:15:23,094 --> 00:15:25,614
Wow nothing.
He was just like his act,
291
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:28,410
six minutes of great material
and no finish.
292
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,764
That's just
a little bit more
than I needed to know.
293
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:41,941
So, so what was he like?He was a man.
294
00:15:43,114 --> 00:15:45,634
In other words, what?
295
00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:51,433
Well, we were a regular item,
then he'd get the itch
and start bird-dogging around.
296
00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:54,298
So--So now what,
what did you do?
297
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,231
I gave what I got.
298
00:15:57,163 --> 00:15:59,959
I'd samba with Sid Caesar
299
00:16:00,028 --> 00:16:03,514
and go kayaking
with Fat Jack Leonard,
300
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,448
and the next thing you know,
he'd be crazy jealous
301
00:16:06,517 --> 00:16:10,279
and come scratching at my door
like Churchill's Pekingese.
302
00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,732
This is good to know.
303
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:19,288
Did you, did you ever go out
with Milton Berle?
304
00:16:20,117 --> 00:16:21,083
It's true.
305
00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:34,614
I don't know about this.
306
00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:36,236
You want to change your film? No.
307
00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:37,927
Do you want him to narrate? Yes.
308
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,344
Do you want to tickle his ear? All right.
309
00:16:40,413 --> 00:16:42,070
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
310
00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:47,558
Sid? He's in the elevator.
311
00:16:47,627 --> 00:16:50,457
Did he see you? I'm wearing a hat.
312
00:16:52,356 --> 00:16:54,944
All right.
Well, here we go.
313
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,256
Bread him like a cutlet.
314
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,260
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
315
00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:02,918
Okay. I'm here.
Show me the changes.
You, I like.
316
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:10,477
Honey, look.Oh, you shouldn't have.
317
00:17:10,546 --> 00:17:12,479
Why not? No, that's just--just
an expression.
318
00:17:12,548 --> 00:17:14,240
So is
"May I take your coat?"
319
00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:17,450
Sorry, of course.
320
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:21,937
And Mr. Brady, may I say
what an honor it is to
have you in our home.
321
00:17:22,006 --> 00:17:27,011
Lucky for you she asked me. [CHUCKLES] So, umm,
dinner first or business?
322
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,393
Well, you know what,
I thought we would get
business out of the way
323
00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:30,566
and then we could
enjoy the evening.
324
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:32,085
Okay. Okay.
325
00:17:32,154 --> 00:17:34,329
I'm not gonna
change my film.
326
00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:36,538
You ready to eat? I'll see.
327
00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:41,612
Paul, Paul, Paul, do you,
do you have a piece of paper?
328
00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:43,821
Sure. Thank you.
329
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:47,997
"Have hearing checked."
330
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:52,001
Funniest thing, I thought
I heard you say you're not
going to change your film.
331
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,832
Yeah, well, that's true.
That's what I said.
332
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:58,456
Look, Mr. Brady, I know that
you're accustomed to getting
things your way.
333
00:17:58,525 --> 00:18:00,700
But this is my show,
and we have
a verbal agreement,
334
00:18:00,769 --> 00:18:02,874
and I expect you to live up
to your end of the bargain.
335
00:18:02,943 --> 00:18:06,223
I'm sorry that it comes down
to this, but that is it,
that is my final decision.
336
00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:10,434
Oh, that was just adorable.
Get my coat.
337
00:18:11,711 --> 00:18:14,265
Certainly. Hope everybody's hungry.
338
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,647
Where are you going?Ah, Mr. Brady has to leave.
339
00:18:16,716 --> 00:18:20,064
This is what I get for
stepping off the mountain.
340
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:24,965
You I still like. Mr. Brady, Alan,
please don't go.
341
00:18:25,034 --> 00:18:28,624
Honey, honey, we can't,
we can't work it out. Of course, we can work it out.
342
00:18:28,693 --> 00:18:31,248
There will be other movies. Not with Mr. Brady.
343
00:18:31,317 --> 00:18:33,595
Will you two
get away from me!
344
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:39,532
Mr. Brady, please.Sweetie, it's over.
345
00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:42,086
Really?Oh, it's over.
346
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,916
Yeah, so why, why don't
we just eat and move on. Okay?
347
00:18:44,985 --> 00:18:48,161
Mr. Brady, again, thank you
and good evening. It was nice meeting you, kid.
348
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:51,889
Give my regards to oblivion.
349
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:55,168
Oh, this lasagna smells good.
What did you put in this?
350
00:18:55,237 --> 00:18:58,723
Oh, noodles and tomato sauce,
351
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:02,934
[BLUBBERING]
cheese. Oh, Paul.
352
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,251
It's okay, sweetie.
I'm-- I'm sure everything,
something will work out.
353
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,152
I know. It's just we were
counting on this so much.
354
00:19:13,221 --> 00:19:15,223
Listen, Paul,
I've got to talk to you.
355
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:17,535
Oh, sorry. Yeah, this is not
a great time.
356
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:19,192
Just come here.
357
00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:21,746
Sorry folks, it will only
take a second. Excuse me.
358
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:27,959
Sorry I'm making it
tough on you. Yeah, well.
359
00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:33,068
Okay, okay,
keep the pineapple.
360
00:19:37,279 --> 00:19:38,970
Sweetie, may I see you
in the kitchen, please?
361
00:19:40,282 --> 00:19:42,353
All right.
362
00:19:43,837 --> 00:19:47,255
Well, who's hungry? Load me up, baby.
363
00:19:47,324 --> 00:19:51,707
Mr. Brady,
you're absolutely right. I know I am. About what?
364
00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:54,607
If you don't feel comfortable
with the film, if you are not
happy with the film,
365
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:56,609
then I see no reason
that you should do it.
366
00:19:56,678 --> 00:19:58,611
I see no reason either. It wouldn't be right.
367
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,164
It wouldn't
be right at all.
368
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,753
All right, all right.
What's going on here? Nothing.
369
00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:04,927
Oh, mushrooms in here. Come on. Come on. Come on.
370
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,481
Well, it's just that
everything has worked out.
371
00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:07,999
We found somebody else
to take your place.
372
00:20:08,068 --> 00:20:09,760
So, there is nothing
for you to worry about.
373
00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:12,452
Oh, fine, fine.
374
00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:14,730
Who'd you get?
Not that it matters.
375
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,974
Oh, nobody. Sid Caesar.
376
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:22,324
I've heard of him.
377
00:20:22,393 --> 00:20:24,050
Cheese, sweetie?
378
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,985
Caesar is a genius.
Brilliant physical comedian,
379
00:20:28,054 --> 00:20:31,437
which, by the way,
is very important
for a narrator.
380
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,027
He does all those
wonderful double takes
381
00:20:36,096 --> 00:20:41,240
that nobody will see, but it
will be nice that they're
there, and he does pantomime.
382
00:20:41,309 --> 00:20:46,555
Oh, that will come in handy.This is just delicious,
sweetie.
383
00:20:50,835 --> 00:20:56,047
You know what, kid,
I can see you're
in kind of a jam.
384
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:59,706
I am, huh? Yeah.
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
385
00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:03,607
I like you, and you're
growing on me.
Why don't I bail you out?
386
00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:05,229
Really?What the heck.
387
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:07,196
[STUTTERING]
Well, I don't know.
388
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,267
You don't know? No.
389
00:21:08,336 --> 00:21:10,821
He's going to
kill this yet.
390
00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:13,996
Yeah, well, it's just that
you seem very uncomfortable
with the film the way it is.
391
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:16,827
It's fine. It's fine.
It's fine. Just made
a few suggestions.
392
00:21:16,896 --> 00:21:20,934
That's the kind of a person
I am. Whatever you want.
Let's do it your way.
393
00:21:21,003 --> 00:21:23,074
All right.
Well, then, you got a deal.
394
00:21:23,143 --> 00:21:26,285
And I'll tell you what.
I'll call Sid Caesar.
I will let him down easy.
395
00:21:26,354 --> 00:21:28,390
I don't know why you made
such a big fuss about this.
396
00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:31,911
Well, now that
this is settled,
let's sit down and eat.
397
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:34,707
Okay. Mr. Brady? Yes.
398
00:21:34,776 --> 00:21:36,812
You're sitting in my chair.
399
00:21:38,745 --> 00:21:41,817
And? And I'm thrilled.
400
00:21:50,412 --> 00:21:53,139
So, you come in the door
and you trip over
the ottoman.
401
00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:56,004
You see, you're looking over
there, not looking here,
you trip over it
402
00:21:56,073 --> 00:21:57,557
and she helps you up.
403
00:21:57,626 --> 00:21:59,904
I don't know. Honey, he's our guest.
404
00:21:59,973 --> 00:22:03,322
If he wants you to fall,
you should fall.
405
00:22:03,391 --> 00:22:06,048
I don't know that an ottoman
is funny, what if,
and I'm just pitching,
406
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:09,017
if I trip over, like, a hat.
See, that's never been done.
407
00:22:09,086 --> 00:22:10,294
You know why it's never
been done? Why?
408
00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:12,434
It's stupid.
409
00:22:12,503 --> 00:22:15,368
All right, but, now,
again, it's just an idea,
instead of tripping,
410
00:22:15,437 --> 00:22:17,819
I'm walking, right,
so, I come in,
I'm walking
411
00:22:17,888 --> 00:22:20,546
on the ottoman,
and then I keep walking.
412
00:22:20,615 --> 00:22:23,411
I'm really sorry
about Paul.
413
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,068
Would that be funny? No, my mother can
do that.
414
00:22:26,137 --> 00:22:29,417
All right. Now, this is, okay,
'cause you're expecting
falling, right?
415
00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:33,282
So, I'm walking
and all of a sudden, I sit.
416
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,562
Sitting has never been funny.
Never. Sitting.
417
00:22:36,631 --> 00:22:38,702
Whistler's Motheris sitting,
who laughs?
418
00:22:38,771 --> 00:22:40,359
All right, let me just
bounce this off of you.
34156
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