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00:00:04,245 --> 00:00:07,145
WOMAN ON RADIO:
5:25 on this
Thanksgiving Thursday...
2
00:00:07,214 --> 00:00:08,387
[TURNS RADIO OFF]
3
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:02,200
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
4
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:17,594
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
5
00:01:17,663 --> 00:01:21,702
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
6
00:01:21,771 --> 00:01:23,462
♪ Let's take each other's hand
7
00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:24,946
♪ As we jump into
8
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:26,603
♪ the final frontier
9
00:01:28,018 --> 00:01:30,504
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
10
00:01:30,573 --> 00:01:32,264
♪ Yeah!
11
00:01:37,166 --> 00:01:39,754
Does this look dry to you?
It's supposed
to bounce back.
12
00:01:39,823 --> 00:01:41,860
Hey this one I'm not even
going to put out.
They'll never remember.
13
00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:43,793
Did you feed Murray?Hey, there's Ira.
14
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,691
Where? On the parade.
15
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,522
Oh, that's Robert Stack.
16
00:01:48,591 --> 00:01:50,040
He said he wasn't
going to be on till the end.
17
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,214
You should get dressed.
18
00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:53,043
Huh? We got... We got time.
19
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,631
Who gave us this?
20
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:55,805
My mother. Put it out.
21
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:58,428
Oh. It's so atrocious.
22
00:02:00,672 --> 00:02:02,777
You know what?
I think we're sending
the wrong message.
23
00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:03,951
If they see
this stuff out,
24
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,677
it only encourages them
to give us more.
25
00:02:05,746 --> 00:02:08,576
If she doesn't see it,
she's gonna start smiling.
26
00:02:08,645 --> 00:02:10,820
Well, we sure don't want
that to happen.No, no, no.
27
00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:12,546
Trust me.
She smiles, she's hurt,
28
00:02:12,615 --> 00:02:14,272
she laughs,
she's pissed,
29
00:02:14,341 --> 00:02:16,964
she gets bubbly,
it's every man
for himself.
30
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,621
Can you help me with this?
31
00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:21,348
[OVEN BELL DINGS] And it's the Knicks
by 12 at the half.
32
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,939
Hey, what is that?Cranberries.
33
00:02:27,008 --> 00:02:28,078
Not from a can?
34
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,218
Be very impressed.
35
00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:30,426
I'm wildly impressed.
36
00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:31,910
My mother always
made cans.
37
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:33,291
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
38
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,947
I got it.
39
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:36,225
Here, I'll get it.
Here. You do this.
Do you know how to do it?
40
00:02:36,294 --> 00:02:37,502
I believe
I'll figure it out.
41
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:38,744
All right. All right.
42
00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:40,021
Hello?
43
00:02:40,090 --> 00:02:42,092
I'm in the middle
of cooking.
44
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,475
Lisa, you're not
a vegetarian.
45
00:02:45,544 --> 00:02:48,340
Oh, since when?
Honey? Honey? Fast.
Fast, fast, fast, fast.
46
00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:54,691
Oh, come on. This is just
a hostile act against Daddy,
47
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,072
and you know it.
48
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:57,936
Maybe because
he's a butcher.
49
00:02:58,005 --> 00:02:59,834
Doesn't she pay
somebody for this?
50
00:02:59,903 --> 00:03:01,733
We're not going to
have salad. No salad?
51
00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:04,529
Every Thanksgiving
my mother made salad
and every year nobody ate it.
52
00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:07,946
Sweetie, it's like you can't
do it too fast.
Band, bang, bang, bang, bang.
53
00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:11,294
No. No, no, no.
54
00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:14,159
No. No salad.
55
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,196
That is not a hostile act
against mom.
56
00:03:16,265 --> 00:03:17,887
Because it's
totally different.
57
00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:19,199
Because it is.
I'll do it.
58
00:03:19,268 --> 00:03:20,717
Okay, fine.
59
00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:22,512
Fine, fine, fine.
Just please let me go.
60
00:03:22,581 --> 00:03:23,996
Okay, bye.
61
00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:25,239
When you run downstairs
for ice,
62
00:03:25,308 --> 00:03:28,035
will you also get
a vegetarian lasagna?
63
00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:30,451
Who's running down for ice?
I made ice.
64
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,556
Look... Hey!
65
00:03:34,075 --> 00:03:35,456
Where's my ice?
66
00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:38,252
I needed the room
in the freezer.
We'll buy ice.
67
00:03:38,321 --> 00:03:41,497
I've been working
on that ice
for two weeks.
68
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:46,018
I had a whole schedule.
I'm up nights making ice.
69
00:03:46,087 --> 00:03:49,401
You were doing
an absolutely beautiful job.
Please go downstairs.
70
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:51,127
Ice and what? Lasagna? Yes.
71
00:03:51,196 --> 00:03:52,266
You want me to
make you a list? I don't need a list.
72
00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:53,923
And brussels sprouts.
73
00:03:53,992 --> 00:03:55,304
Oh, hey you know,
brussels sprouts,
let's say no.
74
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,961
Come on. Fran's alone,
Ryan is with Mark,
75
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,240
she's feeling vulnerable,
and she loves
brussels sprouts.
76
00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:02,207
So let her eat
a Valium.
77
00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:06,556
Would you please...
This is the first time
they're all coming to us.
78
00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:07,764
I want everyone
to be happy.
79
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:09,283
I thought
we're doing it our way.
80
00:04:09,352 --> 00:04:11,251
We are doing it our way,
except with
brussels sprouts.
81
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,736
All right, so what
am I getting? I'm getting ice,
brussels sprouts, and lasagna.
82
00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:15,669
Thank you.
And chutney.
83
00:04:15,738 --> 00:04:17,705
Now I got to make
a list.
84
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:24,056
Anything else? Nope. That's it.
85
00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:26,335
You forget doilies?
Acorn squash? Dental floss?
86
00:04:26,404 --> 00:04:27,508
We're covered.
87
00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:29,061
We have nice turkey.
88
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,408
As do we.
89
00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:32,272
Just that
and the ice.
90
00:04:32,341 --> 00:04:34,757
Ice. My biggest
profit margin.
91
00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:36,137
Just water, cold,
and time.
92
00:04:39,175 --> 00:04:41,177
Okay. Hey!
Parents.
93
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:44,836
Early parents. Yes, they are. Very.
94
00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:46,286
It's your first
Thanksgiving here.
95
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,874
We thought we'd give you
a hand.
96
00:04:48,943 --> 00:04:51,429
Look, Paulie,
I brought my potatoes.
97
00:04:51,498 --> 00:04:53,500
Oh. You know,
Jamie made potatoes.
98
00:04:53,569 --> 00:04:55,502
So she'll freeze hers.
99
00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:57,642
Okay.
100
00:04:57,711 --> 00:04:59,126
I've got to baste.
101
00:04:59,195 --> 00:05:01,162
Is that ice? Yeah. This is ice.
102
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:02,923
You bought ice? Yeah.
103
00:05:02,992 --> 00:05:04,856
He bought ice.You bought ice?
104
00:05:04,925 --> 00:05:06,789
I bought ice.
Your turn.
105
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:09,688
Ooh. Ooh.
Is this Ira?
106
00:05:09,757 --> 00:05:10,896
Where? There.
107
00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:12,795
No. Clint Black.
108
00:05:12,864 --> 00:05:15,315
I can't believe
Ira got his band
in the parade.
109
00:05:15,384 --> 00:05:16,764
What a break.
110
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,352
They're going to be
dressed like pilgrims,
111
00:05:18,421 --> 00:05:20,492
and they're gonna play
Turkey in the Straw.
112
00:05:20,561 --> 00:05:23,426
Hey, don't knock it.
You know, that's how
Led Zeppelin started.
113
00:05:23,495 --> 00:05:25,463
[PIPES CLANGING]
114
00:05:25,532 --> 00:05:27,430
You mean to tell me
that super of yours still
hasn't fixed those pipes?
115
00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,535
Do you have a wrench?
116
00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:30,157
And what can I do?
117
00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:31,400
Nothing. Both of you,
sit down and relax.
You're our guests.
118
00:05:31,469 --> 00:05:32,539
This is our turn.
119
00:05:32,608 --> 00:05:34,334
At least let me
help set the table.
120
00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:36,405
It's set.
We're doing buffet.
121
00:05:36,474 --> 00:05:38,441
And why is that,
honey?
122
00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:42,031
You know why, ma?
123
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:45,517
Just... Just to toy
with your mind.
124
00:05:45,586 --> 00:05:47,416
You know what?
We should get dressed. Yes.
125
00:05:47,485 --> 00:05:49,694
I'll take care
of the kitchen.
126
00:05:51,454 --> 00:05:53,594
Look. It's so unusual.
127
00:05:54,457 --> 00:05:56,114
It's a sweet potato mousse.
128
00:05:56,183 --> 00:05:57,667
Martha Stewart made it
for Willard Scott.
129
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:01,878
That man will eat anything.
130
00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:03,949
Ooh! No marshmallows.
131
00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:05,641
It didn't call for any.
132
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:07,884
Want to hear
a funny story?
133
00:06:07,953 --> 00:06:11,509
When I was little girl,
we had no money.
It was during the war.
134
00:06:11,578 --> 00:06:15,271
My father was overseas,
and my mother was in
the hospital with the croup.
135
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:19,068
Well, so far it's more
a cute story
than, like, funny.
136
00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:22,623
Thanksgiving, all my
brothers and sisters, we
went to eat with Mama.
137
00:06:22,692 --> 00:06:24,211
They brought in the tray,
and we looked down,
138
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,488
and there were
the sweet potatoes,
139
00:06:25,557 --> 00:06:26,800
but no marshmallows.
140
00:06:26,869 --> 00:06:28,215
'Cause they were
rationed.
141
00:06:28,284 --> 00:06:29,768
Marshmallows?
142
00:06:29,837 --> 00:06:31,183
It was war.
143
00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:36,085
Anyway, we were
so upset,
we cried and cried.
144
00:06:36,154 --> 00:06:39,433
And I told myself
that when
the war was over,
145
00:06:39,502 --> 00:06:41,090
I would never
spend a holiday
146
00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:43,541
without marshmallows
again.
147
00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:45,301
But this is fine.
148
00:06:51,065 --> 00:06:52,791
I'll be right back.
149
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:56,174
Sweetie, she doesn't
need marshmallows.
150
00:06:56,243 --> 00:06:57,382
I just want her
to be happy.
151
00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:59,177
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Look at this.
152
00:06:59,246 --> 00:07:00,523
What, what?
153
00:07:00,592 --> 00:07:03,181
That's not Ira.
That's Ben Vereen.
154
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,010
I know.
What a talent.
155
00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:07,012
Yeah.
156
00:07:07,668 --> 00:07:09,290
Excuse me.
157
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:12,639
Nothing else? Votive candles?
Lemon Pledge?
Chocolate macaroons?
158
00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:14,054
No.
Just marshmallows.
159
00:07:14,123 --> 00:07:16,297
For sweet potatoes. Uh, sweet potato mousse.
160
00:07:16,366 --> 00:07:18,886
Martha Stewart make that
for Willard Scott.
161
00:07:18,955 --> 00:07:20,301
But no marshmallows.
162
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:22,545
[LAUGHS IRONICALLY]
You want to hear
a funny story?
163
00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:26,342
The smoke isn't
bothering you,
is it?
164
00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:28,724
No, no, no, no.
I just wanted to share it
with the rest of the city.
165
00:07:28,793 --> 00:07:30,139
[CAR ALARM BLARING]
166
00:07:31,174 --> 00:07:32,728
Mom, Daddy,
you're early.
167
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:33,867
Yeah, they actually are.
168
00:07:33,936 --> 00:07:35,524
Hello,
sweetheart.
169
00:07:35,593 --> 00:07:37,491
Oh, God, she's smiling.
What have you done?
170
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,837
I told her no salad.
171
00:07:38,906 --> 00:07:40,770
Oh, for crying
out loud.
172
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:43,980
Aunt Lolly,
happy Thanksgiving.
173
00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:45,188
Guess what I'm having
for dinner.
174
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,431
Vegetarian lasagna.
175
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,191
Why?'Cause.
176
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,400
Well, you know,
vegetarians die young.
177
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,954
Says who? It's a fact.
178
00:07:52,886 --> 00:07:54,059
I gotta baste.
179
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:57,407
Look what I brought.
My potatoes.
180
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,824
Oh, how thoughtful.
181
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:01,722
Oh, what a large bird.
182
00:08:03,828 --> 00:08:04,932
No, it's big enough.
183
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,244
Oh, it looks delicious.
184
00:08:06,313 --> 00:08:08,280
Oh, come on.
Give it a try.
185
00:08:09,109 --> 00:08:10,628
How did you prepare it?
186
00:08:10,697 --> 00:08:12,768
You know, melted butter,
paprika, a little sage.
187
00:08:12,837 --> 00:08:14,597
Didn't you salt it?I did, salt and pepper.
188
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:16,426
Because Daddy
can't eat salt. Gus!
189
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,014
Just a little bit. She salted the turkey!
190
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:19,153
Oh, only on the skin.
191
00:08:19,222 --> 00:08:20,292
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
192
00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:21,984
Oh, more company.
193
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:26,436
PAUL: I got it.
194
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,166
Oh, you'd do it, too,
if you could.
195
00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:36,550
Hey. Hey.
196
00:08:36,619 --> 00:08:39,553
See, that's Ira. Hi!
197
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:42,936
Ira, we were just watching
the tape of the parade.
Where are you?
198
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:45,352
I got bumped.My god. Who bumped you?
199
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:46,802
Shari Lewis.
200
00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:50,081
Shari Lewis bumped me.
201
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,532
You know,
she's Jerry Lewis' wife.
202
00:08:54,741 --> 00:08:56,156
No, she's not.
203
00:08:56,225 --> 00:08:58,158
It's a fact.
204
00:08:58,227 --> 00:09:00,885
It's amazing, you know.
Her float gets a flat,
so they give her ours.
205
00:09:00,954 --> 00:09:03,059
Like people would
rather see a woman
going down Broadway
206
00:09:03,128 --> 00:09:05,303
with her hand
up a lamb's ass.
207
00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:09,376
Well, I'm going to set
the table.
208
00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:10,688
It's set.
209
00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,070
You're so funny.
210
00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:15,934
Oh, God,
she's laughing.
211
00:09:16,003 --> 00:09:17,557
They went buffet.
212
00:09:18,316 --> 00:09:19,524
Buffet?
213
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:25,323
Wow, I haven't see her
cranked this high
since I shaved my head.
214
00:09:25,392 --> 00:09:27,187
I'll be right back.
215
00:09:27,256 --> 00:09:28,429
Where you going? I'm just going
to get some salad.
216
00:09:28,498 --> 00:09:29,499
She doesn't need salad.
217
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,639
Maybe it'll get her off
the buffet.
218
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:31,847
Where's she going?
219
00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:33,469
She's going
to get salad.
220
00:09:33,538 --> 00:09:35,575
Oh, that's nuts.
Just give me turkey,
221
00:09:35,644 --> 00:09:38,681
some stuffing,
and that cranberry jelly,
and I'm set.
222
00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:40,856
Cranberry jelly?Yeah.
223
00:09:40,925 --> 00:09:42,340
Well, how would you feel
about turkey, stuffing,
224
00:09:42,409 --> 00:09:44,238
and cranberries
made from scratch?
225
00:09:44,307 --> 00:09:45,308
Scratch? Scratch.
226
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,827
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not for me.
227
00:09:46,896 --> 00:09:50,037
See, for Thanksgiving,
it has to slide
out of the can.
228
00:09:55,664 --> 00:09:57,597
Now what? Cranberries.
229
00:09:57,666 --> 00:09:59,460
Take it easy
with the water chestnuts.
230
00:09:59,529 --> 00:10:02,084
My mother once choked
on one of those.
231
00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:04,914
Uh, jellied cranberry
sauce.
232
00:10:04,983 --> 00:10:07,296
Don't carry.
Tweezers. Pretzel nuggets.
233
00:10:07,365 --> 00:10:09,298
How about
a nice block of halvah?
234
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:12,439
You don't carry...
You don't carry
jellied cranberry sauce?
235
00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,406
You have soup
from 15 countries,
236
00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:16,063
but jellied
cranberry sauce
you don't have?
237
00:10:16,132 --> 00:10:17,617
Union problems.
238
00:10:17,686 --> 00:10:19,757
[STAMMERING]
There must be one can
somewhere.
239
00:10:19,826 --> 00:10:21,344
I only see two beans
in this three-bean salad.
240
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,725
Oh, who cares?
241
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,520
Trust me, she'll notice.
242
00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:26,936
He wants it
sliding out of a can.
243
00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:29,076
It has to slide out of a can.
You know why, by the way?
244
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:30,353
The noise.
He likes the...[SUCKING]
245
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,562
He likes that little
cranberry suck noise.
246
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,288
My mother needs kidney beans.
247
00:10:34,357 --> 00:10:36,083
What are we...
What are we doing?
248
00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:38,603
This is just... You know what,
baby? Whose Thanksgiving
is this, anyway?
249
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,156
You're right.
250
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,123
Why are we
making ourselves
crazy?
251
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:42,538
You're right.
252
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:45,196
We should... We should
just get up there.
253
00:10:46,128 --> 00:10:47,577
You're right.
254
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,442
[EXHALES]
255
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,724
It breaks my heart
what's happened
to your life.
256
00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:57,484
[PARADE MARCH PLAYING ON TV]
257
00:10:57,553 --> 00:11:00,004
Well, at least
you were married
once.
258
00:11:04,491 --> 00:11:05,595
Hi! Hey!
259
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,252
I've been here minutes.
260
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:09,082
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
261
00:11:09,151 --> 00:11:11,981
Listen, I've been
with them years. Trust me.
It gets worse.
262
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:13,258
Hello?
263
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:15,053
Aunt Lolly, could you
turn that down, please?
264
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:16,572
PAUL: I got it. Okay.
265
00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:19,092
Fran, it's for you.
Yeah. One second.
266
00:11:19,161 --> 00:11:21,853
Hello?
Mark? What's the problem?
267
00:11:21,922 --> 00:11:23,717
Well, just tell him to eat it.
268
00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:25,374
Fine, let me talk to him.
269
00:11:25,443 --> 00:11:28,101
Ryan? Sweetie?
You like turkey.
270
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,103
Yes, you do.
271
00:11:30,172 --> 00:11:31,794
Yes, you do.
272
00:11:31,863 --> 00:11:33,589
Yes, you do.
273
00:11:33,658 --> 00:11:35,142
Excuse me.
What happened to
the table here?
274
00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:36,937
We went another way.
275
00:11:37,766 --> 00:11:39,353
Oh...
276
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:41,424
What did we... We said
we're going buffet.
277
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:42,598
Well, we still are.
278
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,531
We're just
sitting at it.
279
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,395
The other thing
was too much walking.
280
00:11:46,464 --> 00:11:48,155
This way,
everybody's happy.
281
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,536
No, actually, not really.
282
00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:53,126
This way, you're happy,
me and the missus,
not so much.
283
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:55,887
Jamie's happy. Not so much.
284
00:11:55,956 --> 00:11:57,475
Look, let me explain
something to you people.
285
00:11:57,544 --> 00:11:59,719
This is our home,
this is our dinner.
286
00:11:59,788 --> 00:12:03,239
So, if we want to eat
on our laps with
no cranberry jelly...
287
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:04,793
No jellied. No jellied?
288
00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:06,070
Then it's not Thanksgiving.
289
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:08,866
No, it is Thanksgiving.
It's just
our Thanksgiving,
290
00:12:08,935 --> 00:12:11,420
which means we're
we're gonna do it our way.
291
00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:12,835
Right? Right.
292
00:12:12,904 --> 00:12:15,044
Yeah. So, come on
move the chairs back.
293
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,672
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
294
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,158
Now, scatter 'em.
Scatter 'em around.
All right?
295
00:12:25,227 --> 00:12:26,262
This is gonna be fun.
296
00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:27,712
We're gonna have
a great Thanksgiving.
297
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,645
It'll be really good.
You just have to trust us.
298
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:32,130
We're not kids anymore.
Everything is under control.
299
00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:34,443
It's gonna be fine.
300
00:12:34,512 --> 00:12:35,755
Sit down.
301
00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:04,197
How do you eat
a 30-pound turkey?
302
00:13:04,266 --> 00:13:06,130
What are you,
an animal?
303
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:09,202
There. How's that?
304
00:13:09,271 --> 00:13:10,790
It looks very bad. Oh, God.
305
00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:12,274
Why don't we just
go out there?
We'll tell them the truth.
306
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:14,172
Please. You're right.
307
00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:15,311
We're adults. I know!
308
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:17,624
All right.
309
00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:20,592
Here's what we do.
Here is what...
This is smart.
310
00:13:20,661 --> 00:13:22,836
Okay. We sneak out,
and we buy another turkey,
311
00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:25,252
and then when they're
not looking,
we sneak it back in,
312
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,461
but like adults.
313
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:28,635
Okay. Okay. Okay.
314
00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:31,672
All right, so I'll go,
you stall them.
315
00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:34,089
Fine, Ryan.
Then just eat
the stuffing.
316
00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:35,815
Yes, you do.
317
00:13:35,884 --> 00:13:38,196
Yes, you do.
318
00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:40,302
Well, the turkey
should be ready any minute.
319
00:13:40,371 --> 00:13:41,924
THERESA:
It looked done to me.
320
00:13:41,993 --> 00:13:44,409
Where are you going now?
321
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:46,756
Huh? Oh, I just
got to get a small...
322
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,930
What?
323
00:13:51,692 --> 00:13:53,522
Uh, hey!
324
00:13:53,591 --> 00:13:55,041
You know what we should do?
325
00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:56,801
Let's sit around
in a circle
326
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,735
and let's tell each other
what we're thankful for.
327
00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:01,288
Yeah, right.Get up.
328
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,741
Who wants to go first?
Uh... Uh, Sylvia?
329
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,054
Come back to me,
honey.
330
00:14:08,123 --> 00:14:09,227
Okey-dokey.
331
00:14:09,296 --> 00:14:11,505
Burt, what are you
thankful for?
332
00:14:11,574 --> 00:14:13,542
I got a parking space
in front of
the building.
333
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:15,889
And?
334
00:14:16,579 --> 00:14:17,891
No meter.
335
00:14:19,203 --> 00:14:20,376
Daddy?
336
00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:22,585
I'm thankful we're
gonna be eating soon.
337
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,828
We're gonna be
eating soon, right?
338
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,071
Yes, we are.
339
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:27,556
I'm thankful for
my beautiful daughter,
340
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:29,144
her wonderful husband,
341
00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:30,352
her lovely home,
342
00:14:30,421 --> 00:14:32,043
her exciting job,
343
00:14:32,112 --> 00:14:33,562
and for Lisa.
344
00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:41,087
I'm thankful
I have therapy tomorrow.
345
00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:45,194
Fran, how about you?
346
00:14:45,263 --> 00:14:46,644
Yes, you do.
347
00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:48,888
Ira?
348
00:14:48,957 --> 00:14:50,406
Uh, Chuckles.
349
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:52,477
The candy?
350
00:14:52,546 --> 00:14:53,651
Yeah.
351
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:56,896
And Aunt Lolly?
352
00:14:58,794 --> 00:15:00,554
And okey-dokey.
353
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:02,694
Um, so, that brings
it back to me.
354
00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:05,214
Let's see, let's see,
let's see, let's see.
355
00:15:05,283 --> 00:15:08,528
There's just so many things
to be thankful for.
356
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:10,944
Alphabetically,
for example...
357
00:15:11,013 --> 00:15:13,291
Aaaa... Apple blossom time.
358
00:15:13,774 --> 00:15:16,018
A.
359
00:15:16,087 --> 00:15:18,538
All right. No clam dip,
no light bulbs, no marzipan.
I just need a turkey.
360
00:15:18,607 --> 00:15:20,091
We got smoked,
not smoked,
361
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,851
stuffed, not stuffed.
Garnished, not garnished...
362
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,750
Oh, I'm begging you.
363
00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:27,409
And what else, what else,
what else, what else?
364
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:30,412
Vinyl. Vinyl.
365
00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:33,691
Just like leather,
but nobody gets hurt.
366
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,142
Well, I'm thankful
I'm a vegetarian
367
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:37,902
and don't have to wait
for some dead bird to cook.
368
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,869
No, Lisa, Lisa. Wait. Wait.
You've helped enough.
369
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:46,083
You know, maybe it's just
my new outlook on meat,
370
00:15:46,152 --> 00:15:47,291
but this is disgusting.
371
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,569
Okay.
Please don't tell anyone.
372
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:50,984
Paul's out getting
another one right now.
373
00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:52,123
Relax.
374
00:15:55,713 --> 00:15:57,370
FRAN: Yes, you do.
375
00:15:57,439 --> 00:15:58,819
Yes, you do.
376
00:16:04,929 --> 00:16:06,689
LISA:
Wow! That's the most
beautiful turkey
377
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,244
I've ever seen,
and I'm a vegetarian!
378
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:13,041
Any minute now.
379
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,145
Hi.
380
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:16,044
Then pick
the mushrooms out.
381
00:16:18,115 --> 00:16:19,219
Where were you?
382
00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:20,634
Hmm?
383
00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:21,704
I told you, I had to...
I had to...
384
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:22,774
[MUTTERING]
385
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:26,744
Hah!
386
00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,366
What? Do you hear that?
387
00:16:28,435 --> 00:16:30,610
What?
The pipes are clanging again.
388
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:32,301
Oh, that.
It's horrible.
389
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:34,096
Yeah, I'm just gonna
call the plumber.
390
00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:35,995
Are you calling
a plumber on Thanksgiving?
391
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:37,479
Do you know what
that's going to cost you?
392
00:16:37,548 --> 00:16:40,309
$179 minimum.
It's a fact.
393
00:16:41,379 --> 00:16:43,830
What do they care?
They buy ice.
394
00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:48,041
You don't need a plumber.
395
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:49,905
I'll have that damn thing
fixed in five minutes.
396
00:16:49,974 --> 00:16:52,632
I'll give you a hand. It's right in there.
397
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:58,051
You know what?
398
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,054
$179 will come in handy
when we redo
the bedroom.
399
00:17:01,123 --> 00:17:02,676
You're redoing
the bedroom?
400
00:17:02,745 --> 00:17:05,024
Yeah, I hope I don't
make the same mistakes
I made last time.
401
00:17:06,404 --> 00:17:08,717
We'll look.Right in there.
402
00:17:08,786 --> 00:17:11,202
FRAN: Ryan, sweetie,
let me talk to Daddy.
403
00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:13,549
Mark, just talk to him.
404
00:17:13,618 --> 00:17:16,207
You have control
of the situation.
405
00:17:16,932 --> 00:17:18,589
Yes, you do.
406
00:17:18,658 --> 00:17:20,349
Yes, you do.
407
00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:21,902
Yes, you do!
408
00:17:22,972 --> 00:17:24,871
What is going on here?
409
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:27,287
I don't know,
but I'm entertained.
410
00:17:29,738 --> 00:17:31,360
Okay, okay.
Promise not to tell.
411
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:33,914
Where is it?It was right here
a second ago.
412
00:17:33,983 --> 00:17:36,572
You don't leave
a turkey in the hallway
in New York city!
413
00:17:36,641 --> 00:17:37,642
Well... Who knew?
414
00:17:37,711 --> 00:17:39,092
It's a fact!
415
00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:43,338
Butterball,
not Butterball,
416
00:17:43,407 --> 00:17:44,925
organic, not organic.
417
00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:46,410
Free range,
range restricted...
418
00:17:58,353 --> 00:17:59,733
BURT:
How can you not
have a wrench?
419
00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:02,115
PAUL:
I'm looking,
I'm looking.
420
00:18:02,184 --> 00:18:04,221
SYLVIA: Lisa, take the lamps.
421
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,429
PAUL: How about these?
422
00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:07,707
A pliers
is not a wrench.
423
00:18:07,776 --> 00:18:10,675
THERESA:
You can never have
too many pillows.
424
00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:14,127
[CAR HORN HONKING]
425
00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:25,621
Personally, that wouldn't
have been my choice.
426
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:28,037
I panicked!
427
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,695
Look, you two relax.
We'll go. Come on.
428
00:18:33,077 --> 00:18:35,010
Where are you going?
429
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:35,942
I'm just afraid your
sister's going to
overcook that bird.
430
00:18:36,011 --> 00:18:37,633
She won't.She might.
431
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:39,290
It's done. Well, then, let's go eat.
Everybody.
432
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,499
Not that kind of done.
433
00:18:41,568 --> 00:18:43,122
Are you having
an episode?
434
00:18:43,191 --> 00:18:45,193
No, no.
It's just the turkey.
435
00:18:45,262 --> 00:18:46,815
Well...
436
00:18:46,884 --> 00:18:49,887
Murray sort of...
Ate it.
437
00:18:49,956 --> 00:18:52,683
Oh, my goodness.
Poor Jamie.
438
00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:55,030
You can't tell
anybody. Of course not.
439
00:18:55,099 --> 00:18:57,170
Gus!
440
00:18:57,239 --> 00:18:59,276
Just put it on
the Buchmans' account.
441
00:18:59,345 --> 00:19:01,070
They're good eaters.
442
00:19:04,073 --> 00:19:06,800
I will definitely
hate this chair less
in the bedroom.
443
00:19:06,869 --> 00:19:09,044
What do you think?
444
00:19:09,113 --> 00:19:10,287
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
445
00:19:10,356 --> 00:19:12,289
All right, all right.
Let's see. 12C?
446
00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:13,738
12D. Right above them.
447
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:14,877
12D.
448
00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:18,157
Hi!
449
00:19:22,091 --> 00:19:23,852
So, what do you think?
450
00:19:26,682 --> 00:19:27,994
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
451
00:19:35,035 --> 00:19:36,244
Hello.
452
00:19:36,313 --> 00:19:37,935
Go to the kitchen.
453
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:40,351
Where are you? Upstairs.
454
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:41,456
What?
455
00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:43,699
Just go to your kitchen.
456
00:19:43,768 --> 00:19:45,011
Got it.
457
00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:48,946
SYLVIA: Who is that?
458
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:50,050
Uh, Ira.
459
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,742
Isn't he here?
460
00:19:51,811 --> 00:19:54,262
Uh, different Ira.
Excuse us.
461
00:19:54,331 --> 00:19:55,573
Dinner will be on
in a minute.
462
00:19:56,816 --> 00:19:58,058
Did I hear "dinner"?
463
00:19:58,127 --> 00:19:59,439
I wouldn't count
on it.
464
00:19:59,508 --> 00:20:01,821
What do you mean?
What's going on?
465
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:04,582
All right.
But you didn't
hear it from me.
466
00:20:10,105 --> 00:20:11,175
Why are we
in the kitchen?
467
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,246
This is where
he said to go.
468
00:20:15,386 --> 00:20:16,663
I...I don't know...
469
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,978
She makes me want
to smoke again.
470
00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:23,394
[SNIFFS]
I smell turkey!
471
00:20:26,984 --> 00:20:29,366
Yes, you do. But you know what?
We're letting it cool.
472
00:20:29,435 --> 00:20:31,057
Shouldn't it come out
of the oven for that?
473
00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:33,024
You bet. That's what we're
going to do.
474
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:34,025
We'll do that.
Why don't you tell
everybody to go wash up?
475
00:20:34,094 --> 00:20:35,544
Fine. Okay.
476
00:20:47,384 --> 00:20:48,799
On the house.
477
00:20:51,353 --> 00:20:53,838
Everyone knew,
and nobody told me?
478
00:20:53,907 --> 00:20:55,633
Well,
you were next.
479
00:20:56,427 --> 00:20:58,015
What a disaster.
480
00:21:00,638 --> 00:21:02,122
You know what?
481
00:21:03,917 --> 00:21:05,160
Look, everyone.
482
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:07,162
It's Ira on TV.
483
00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:10,683
What Ira?
It's the Cirque du Soleil.
484
00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:11,787
Oh, sure, sure.
485
00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:13,375
There's Ira!
486
00:21:13,444 --> 00:21:15,066
[ALL CHATTERING]
487
00:21:18,829 --> 00:21:20,002
Good for you.
488
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:22,350
What? I never had
a mother-in-law?
489
00:21:22,419 --> 00:21:23,558
She loved you.
490
00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:24,766
Please.
491
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:26,940
It's Thanksgiving.
492
00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:28,770
All right.
Who wants turkey?
493
00:21:28,839 --> 00:21:30,047
[ALL CHATTERING]
494
00:21:30,116 --> 00:21:31,220
JAMIE:
Sorry it took so long.
495
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,774
Oh, what long?
496
00:21:32,843 --> 00:21:34,465
It just gave me a chance
to work up an appetite.
497
00:21:34,534 --> 00:21:37,572
Oh, this buffet.
I feel so cosmopolitan.
498
00:21:37,641 --> 00:21:39,850
No, I really do.
499
00:21:39,919 --> 00:21:42,542
The bird looks
delicious.
500
00:21:42,611 --> 00:21:44,613
Wait till you see
dessert.
501
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,732
Thank God
they're out of the room.
502
00:21:59,801 --> 00:22:02,838
I haven't been able
to get a word in edgewise.
503
00:22:02,907 --> 00:22:05,945
I'm telling you, Ceil,
these people are nuts.
504
00:22:07,395 --> 00:22:09,258
They're going,
and they're coming,
505
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,607
and not a speck
of salad anywhere.
506
00:22:12,676 --> 00:22:16,369
And I keep watching
the parade over and over.
507
00:22:16,438 --> 00:22:17,957
And I'll tell you the truth.
508
00:22:18,026 --> 00:22:19,510
They keep calling me
Aunt Lolly,
509
00:22:19,579 --> 00:22:23,411
and I'm not even sure
which one of them
I'm related to.
510
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,689
What the hell.
It's a free meal.
35760
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