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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:06,738 PREVIOUSLY ON MAD ABOUT YOU... [TICKING] 2 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,277 [BELL RINGS] 3 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,595 ♪ TELL ME WHY ♪ 4 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,430 ♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ 5 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,932 ♪ TELL ME WHO ♪ 6 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,434 ♪ CAN STOP MY HEART AS MUCH AS YOU ♪ 7 00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,436 ♪ LET'S TAKE EACH OTHER'S HAND ♪ 8 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:01,704 ♪ AS WE JUMP INTO ♪ 9 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,473 ♪ THE FINAL FRONTIER ♪ 10 00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:07,966 ♪ I'M MAD ABOUT YOU, BABY ♪♪ 11 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,924 GET OUT OF HERE. 12 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,560 YOU GET OUT OF HERE. 13 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,028 OH, GET OUTTA HERE! 14 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,864 YOU GET OUTTA HERE. 15 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,220 C'MERE! 16 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,408 GET OUTTA HERE! 17 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,443 MY GOSH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME? 18 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,611 YOU'RE PREGNANT? 19 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,212 SO THERE'S, LIKE, AN ACTUAL, LITTLE, 20 00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:46,215 YOU-AND-ME COMBINATION RIGHT IN THERE? 21 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:49,052 OH, MY G... THIS IS... YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS JUST SO... 22 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,052 POETIC. 23 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,755 YEAH, BUT IT'S SO... YOU KNOW, IT... IT'S... 24 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:53,957 MAGICAL. 25 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,325 YEAH... NO, IT DEFINITELY IS THAT. 26 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,627 WHAT AM I THINKING, THOUGH? IT'S, LIKE, THE WAY IT ALL... 27 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,229 SUBLIME. 28 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:03,066 UM... NO, NO... WHAT? 29 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:06,435 IT'S... THIS IS GOOD. 30 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,539 MM-HMM. 31 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,428 [DOOR BUZZER] 32 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,711 [DOOR BUZZER] 33 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:17,168 WHO IS IT? 34 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:20,116 Ira: HEY, IT'S ME! 35 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,118 OH, MAN, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE NOW? 36 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,386 I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS IS PERFECT. 37 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,520 IRA WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON WE GET TO TELL. 38 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:25,789 W-W-W-WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! 39 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,124 JUST TELLING PEOPLE? THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING? 40 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,359 YEAH. WHY WOULDN'T WE? I DON'T KNOW. 41 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,995 THEY'RE GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT EVENTUALLY. 42 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,130 WE'LL SHOW UP ONE DAY, WE GOT A 7-YEAR-OLD, THEY'RE GONNA KNOW. 43 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,600 NO. LET'S JUST KEEP IT BETWEEN US FOR NOW. 44 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,234 Ira, rapping on door: HEY, YOU GUYS! OPEN UP! 45 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:39,369 WA-WAIT! WHY? WHY? 46 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,870 A MILLION REASONS. 47 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,339 FIRST OF ALL, WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING FOR SURE. 48 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,607 AS OF NOW, THE ONLY REAL NEWS 49 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,876 IS THAT I'VE SUCCESSFULLY PEED ON A STICK. 50 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,278 YEAH, BUT... 51 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,013 AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE CONFIRMATION FROM A GYNECOLOGIST. 52 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,014 MARK IS IN EUROPE. 53 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,215 HE'LL BE BACK. 54 00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,216 IN THREE MONTHS. 55 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,118 WE SHOULD PROBABLY FIND OUT BEFORE THEN. 56 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,385 [SIGHS] 57 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:57,420 ALL RIGHT. 58 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,421 [DOOR BUZZER] 59 00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,455 Ira: I'M STANDIN' OUT HERE! 60 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,824 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT TO TELL. 61 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,991 YOU'RE THE SUPERSTITIOUS ONE. 62 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,960 YOU KNOW, TELLING IS BAD LUCK. IS THAT TRUE? 63 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,962 YES. YOU DON'T TELL THIS EARLY. 64 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,530 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE THIS? 65 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,201 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT THREE MONTHS IN, FOUR MONTHS IN. 66 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,036 THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT. YOU KNOW, THINGS CAN HAPPEN. 67 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,338 THINGS CAN GO WRONG. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT. 68 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,373 [DOOR BUZZER] 69 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,775 Ira pounding on door: OPEN THE DAMN DOOR! 70 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,544 ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, IT'S YOUR STICK. IT'S YOUR URINE. 71 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,979 THANK YOU. 72 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,714 Ira: COME ON, ALREADY! 73 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,149 ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! 74 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,518 HEY, BY THE WAY, NICE GOING. 75 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,320 HMM. YOU, TOO. 76 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,089 ALL RIGHT, STAND BACK! I'M COMIN' IN! 77 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,391 I THINK I'M BLEEDIN'. 78 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,725 LET ME GET YOU A BAND-AID. 79 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,193 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 80 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,862 I'M WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET, MINDIN' MY OWN BUSINESS. 81 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,864 SOME LADY YELLS OUT, "HEY, JOSE!" 82 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,034 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I TURN AROUND. 83 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,169 YOU'RE NOT JOSE. 84 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,336 EXACTLY. 85 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,171 SHE'S SWINGIN' AT ME, SWINGIN' AT ME! 86 00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:51,975 I'M COVERIN' MYSELF UP. I'M SAYIN', "I'M NOT JOSE. I AM NOT JOSE. 87 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,243 DO I LOOK LIKE JOSE?" 88 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,512 I DON'T UNDERSTAND, 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT JOSE. 89 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,381 I KNOW! BUT SHE THINKS THAT I'M JOSE, PAULY. 90 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,816 SHE'S HITTIN' ME AND GRABBIN' ME! 91 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,386 AND SHE'S CURSIN' AT ME IN SPANISH. 92 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,189 IS IT POSSIBLE THAT... I AM JOSE? 93 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,556 YOU'RE NOT JOSE. 94 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,593 THEN WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU TWO SO LONG TO ANSWER THE DOOR? 95 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:11,895 OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT. WE WERE JUST... 96 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:12,895 UH, DEBATING. 97 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,164 DEBATING? 98 00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:15,598 MORE LIKE DISCUSSING. DISCUSSING, DEBATING. 99 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:16,699 DEBATING, DISCUSSING, SPECULATING. 100 00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:17,867 SPECULATING. 101 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,102 SPECULATING? ON WHAT? 102 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,637 WHATEVER. WHO REMEMBERS? 103 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,072 HEY, GUYS, WH-WHAT'S GOING ON? 104 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,206 NOTHING. 105 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,108 PAULY, COME ON. I KNOW SOMETHING'S GOING ON. 106 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,610 ALL RIGHT... NOTHING IS GOING ON. 107 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:28,914 NOTHING IS GOING ON. 108 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,547 SOMETHING IS GOIN' ON. 109 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,916 ALL RIGHT. SOMETHING IS GOING ON. 110 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,418 NOTHING IS GOING ON. 111 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,919 NOTHING IS GOING ON. 112 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,354 ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO TELL YOU, 113 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:39,689 BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYBODY. 114 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,923 I THOUGHT YOU SAID NOTHING IS GOING ON. 115 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,191 HE KNOWS SOMETHING IS GOING ON. 116 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,726 OH, SOMETHING IS GOING ON. 117 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:44,727 THE TRUTH IS... 118 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,262 AND THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING. 119 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,265 WE HAVE TO FIND A NEW GYNECOLOGIST. 120 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,889 HOW ABOUT THAT? 121 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:54,771 MARK AND FRAN ARE IN EUROPE, SO... 122 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,239 IS EVERYTHING OK? 123 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,441 YES, YES, YES! EVERYTHING'S FINE. EVERYTHING'S GREAT. 124 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,243 IT'S JUST A LITTLE... IT'S A PERSONAL MATTER. 125 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,577 PERSONAL MATTER? 126 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:02,711 IT'S A PERSONAL, PRIVATE, DELICATE... 127 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:03,713 IT'S A WOMAN THING. 128 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,749 SAY NO MORE. 129 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,184 I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE YELLOW PAGES, 130 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,986 THROUGH FRIENDS' RECOMMENDATIONS, 131 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,554 THAT ARTICLE IN NEW YORK MAGAZINE 132 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,256 ON THE BEST DOCTORS IN NEW YORK. 133 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,791 HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT ABOUT JOAN? 134 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:16,826 JOAN WHO? 135 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,827 WHAT, DEBBIE'S JOAN? 136 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,428 YEAH, YEAH. SHE'S A GYNECOLOGIST. 137 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,429 YEAH? SO? 138 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,931 YEAH, BUT... NO, RIGHT? 139 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,166 I DON'T THINK SO. 140 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,333 WHY? 141 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:25,802 WELL, IT'S JUST TOO WEIRD. I MEAN, JOAN IS... 142 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,236 SHE'S MY SISTER'S GIRLFRIEND. 143 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,638 YOU KNOW, SHE'S FAMILY. 144 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,573 YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO FAMILY FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 145 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,976 YOU KNOW, IF IT WERE A FOOT OR, GOD FORBID, A SHOULDER... 146 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,313 FINE. YOU KNOW, THEN YOU COULD GO SEE A FRIEND OR AN UNCLE. 147 00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,714 BUT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS... 148 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,517 TO ME, ANYTHING THAT INVOLVES THE REMOVING OF THE UNDERWEAR, 149 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,785 YOU... NO, YOU DON'T WANNA MESS AROUND. 150 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,287 AND PLUS, JAMIE IS GONNA HAVE THE BEST. 151 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:46,823 OH, OF COURSE! 152 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,758 YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THE BEST HOUSE OR THE BEST CAR 153 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,193 OR THE BEST, YOU KNOW, PIECE OF CHICKEN... 154 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,728 HEY, HEY, YOU DON'T WANT A BAD PIECE OF CHICKEN. 155 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,364 CERTAINLY NOT, BUT YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'. 156 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,398 YOU WANT THE BEST. 157 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,399 EXACTLY. 158 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,400 I UNDERSTAND. 159 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,002 IN FACT, I CAN HELP YOU. 160 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,004 WHAT, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE A GOOD GYNECOLOGIST? 161 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,172 NO, NO, BUT I COULD HELP FIND YOU ONE. 162 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,908 I WILL FIND YOU THE BEST GYNECOLOGIST IN NEW YORK CITY. 163 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,943 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 164 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,378 LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 165 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,445 COME ON. IT'LL BE A PLEASURE. 166 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:10,513 IRA, REALLY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 167 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,148 PLEASE, ALLOW ME TO DO THIS FOR YOU. 168 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,283 [DOOR BUZZER] 169 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,850 THERE'S NO REASON, REALLY, THAT YOU SHOULD... 170 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:15,918 HELLO. 171 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:19,289 [WOMAN YELLING IN SPANISH] 172 00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,880 JOSE, IT'S FOR YOU. 173 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,698 Jamie: OK. THIS IS FOR THURSDAY. 174 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,600 WE'VE GOT DR. KOEFFLER AT 10:00, 175 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,870 THEN I'LL MEET YOU AT DR. KHALSA AT 1:00 AND AT 3:00, DR. NOH. 176 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:38,040 DR. NO? YOU'RE GONNA USE SEAN CONNERY'S GYNECOLOGIST? 177 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,176 N-O-H. HE'S KOREAN. 178 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,512 JUST MAKIN' A JOKE. DON'T BE OFFENDED. 179 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,214 WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO WITH ONE OF THESE GUYS 180 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,848 IF WE CAN'T GET IN TO SEE DR. VONDERPHAL. 181 00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,739 ♪ DR. VONDERPHAL ♪ 182 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,187 YOU'RE GONNA MAKE FUN OF EVERY NAME OR WHAT? 183 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,389 NO, BUT COME ON, DR. VONDERPHAL? HE'S ASKIN' FOR IT. 184 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,057 HE'S THE GUY I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT. 185 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,261 HE'S THE BEST. NEW YORK MAGAZINE DID A WHOLE PROFILE JUST ON HIM. 186 00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,729 HE WAS ON NIGHTLINE. 187 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,365 ANTHONY EDWARDS' CHARACTER IN ER IS BASED ON THIS GUY. 188 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,366 IS THAT TRUE? 189 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,367 YES! 190 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,801 THAT'S SO COOL. 191 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,271 HEY, LISTEN, IF VONDERPHAL IS THE GUY, AND HE'S THE BEST, 192 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,172 DEN VONDERPHAL IS DE VUN. 193 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,674 VONDERPHAL? DR. VONDERPHAL? 194 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:12,675 HEY, DEB. 195 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,676 HI. 196 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,677 HI. 197 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,679 YOU'RE GONNA SEE DR. VONDERPHAL? 198 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,481 IS IT VONDERPHAL, OR VON-DER-PHAL? 199 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,217 'CAUSE EITHER WAY, IT'S QUITE VONDERFUL. 200 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,385 IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST... 201 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,221 IT'S A WOMAN THING. I SHOULD THINK SO. 202 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,689 AND MARK'S OUTTA TOWN, SO WE'RE JUST... 203 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,058 WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE JOAN? I'LL GET YOU AN APPOINTMENT. 204 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,826 NO. THAT'S OK. WE DON'T WANNA BOTHER YOU. 205 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,561 OH, NO BOTHER. I'LL CALL HER RIGHT AFTER LUNCH. 206 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,596 YOU SHOULDN'T GO OUT OF YOUR WAY, BECAUSE MARK... 207 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,598 JUST CONSIDER IT DONE. 208 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:41,170 SO... ONLY 96 HOURS, 15 MINUTES, AND 12 SECONDS 209 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,540 UNTIL MOM AND DAD FINALLY MEET JOAN. 210 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,609 RELAX. I'M SURE THE BIG NEWS WAS THAT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 211 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,378 YEAH. NOW YOU'RE JUST GIVING THEM A FACE 212 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,881 TO ATTACH ALL THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS SPENT CRYING. 213 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,383 THANK YOU, PAUL. 214 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:57,342 SEE HOW NICE I AM WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. 215 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,423 WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY THAT? 216 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,827 ANYWAY, FOR THE JOAN MEETING, I STILL CAN'T DECIDE: 217 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,261 DINNER OR LUNCH? 218 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,798 WELL, IT'S REALLY WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER SEE MOM CHOKE ON? 219 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,799 LUNCH. 220 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,800 YES? 221 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,669 LUNCH. DEFINITELY. 222 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:13,670 DAYLIGHT. 223 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,071 OK. 224 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,373 'CAUSE I HAVE IT DOWN TO TWO RESTAURANTS: 225 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,242 UH, TAVERN ON THE GREEN... NOPE. NO? 226 00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,445 A RESTAURANT? A NEUTRAL LOCATION? UH-UH. 227 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,714 NEUTRAL LOCATION. UH-UH. 228 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,350 NEUTRAL LOCATION, SHE'LL EAT YOU ALIVE. 229 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,885 THIS IS INTERESTING. 230 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,354 YOU NEED THE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE: YOUR OWN BACKYARD. 231 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:34,924 YES, BECAUSE THEN, SHE CAN'T AMBUSH ME IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM. 232 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,826 SHE CAN, BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT MORE DIFFICULT. 233 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,194 LISTEN TO HER. 234 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,829 SHE'S VERY CLEVER ABOUT THIS. 235 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,897 YES, YES. 236 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,732 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 237 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:43,966 I'M GONNA HAVE A NICE SIT-DOWN LUNCH. 238 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,169 NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO. 239 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,970 BUFFET. BUFFET, BUFFET, BUFFET. 240 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,907 MOLLIFIES HER, GIVES HER THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL. 241 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,342 YOU... YOU COULD DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY. 242 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,977 I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S VERY GOOD. 243 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,679 YEAH. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 244 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,347 I'M GONNA GO CANCEL THE RESERVATION, 245 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,083 AND WHILE I'M DOING IT, I'M GONNA CALL DR. JOAN. 246 00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,084 OH, WAIT! 247 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,219 BEFORE YOU DO THAT... 248 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,987 AW! NOW SHE'S GONNA CALL JOAN. 249 00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,823 I KNEW WE WEREN'T GONNA GET OUT OF IT. 250 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,358 VERY NICE ADVICE YOU WERE GIVING HER. 251 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,826 IT WON'T DO HER ANY GOOD. 252 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,160 WHY IS THAT? 253 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,562 SHE'S BRINGING A NICE YOUNG WOMAN HOME TO YOUR MOTHER? 254 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,019 HAH! SHE'S DEAD. 255 00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,501 YOU DON'T SEEM SO MUCH BROKEN UP ABOUT IT. 256 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,503 NO, NO, NO. I'M VERY SAD. 257 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:21,771 HA HA HA HA. 258 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,139 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 259 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,674 I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, 260 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,043 BUT SINCE THE DAY I JOINED YOUR FAMILY, 261 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,211 I'VE BEEN AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR MOTHER'S TOTEM POLE. 262 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,280 I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MOVING UP A NOTCH. 263 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,449 DON'T GET ME WRONG. IT'S TERRIBLE FOR JOAN. 264 00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:34,984 I FEEL REALLY BAD. 265 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,541 HA HA HA HA HA. 266 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,556 Jamie: WE'LL BE POLITE TO JOAN, 267 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,393 MAKE YOUR SISTER HAPPY, AND BE DONE WITH IT. 268 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,228 YES, IT'S OFFICIAL. YOU'RE PREGNANT. 269 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,197 HEY. HEY. 270 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,933 I'M TELLIN' YA, THOSE STICKS ARE GONNA PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS. 271 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,670 FOUR WEEKS. YOU WERE RIGHT, JUST LIKE YA SAID. 272 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,305 GOOD HCG LEVELS. EVERYTHING SEEMS NORMAL. 273 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,306 CONGRATULATIONS. 274 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,808 OK. WELL, THANK YOU. 275 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,776 SO, YOU TOLD DEBBIE YOU HAD A LITTLE, UH... 276 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,277 WOMAN THING. VERY GOOD. 277 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,380 THAT WAS BECAUSE, UH, YOU'RE NOT READY TO TELL THE FAMILY YET? 278 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,881 EXACTLY. 279 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,549 I UNDERSTAND. I WAS ADVISED BY PATIENTS 280 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,852 TO LIE TO THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM, JUST BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW. 281 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,321 SO I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A PRESCRIPTION FOR PRENATAL VITAMINS, 282 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,724 AND, UH, YOU SHOULD MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE ME IN ABOUT TWO WEEKS. 283 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,958 UH, OK. OK. 284 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,627 YOU'RE LYING RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU? 285 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:18,895 NO... NO, WE'RE NOT! 286 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,329 NO, WE'RE NOT. 287 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,664 YEAH, WE KINDA... WE ARE, ACTUALLY, A LITTLE BIT. 288 00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,233 SURE. YOU'RE INTERVIEWING A WHOLE BUNCH OF OB/GYNs, 289 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,969 AND THE ONLY REASON I'M AMONG THEM IS BECAUSE DEBBIE FOISTED ME ON YOU. 290 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,805 NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT IT. NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE. 291 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,241 KINDA... SHE DID. IT'S A LITTLE BIT TRUE, I GUESS. 292 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,977 YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO SEE DR. WONDERFUL. 293 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,711 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, WE'RE NOT. 294 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,179 TOMORROW? TOMORROW, I THINK. 295 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,615 OK. HERE. 296 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:41,984 TAKE YOUR VITAMINS, GET PLENTY OF REST, AND WORK ON THE LYING. 297 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,186 AND IF YOU SHOULD CHOOSE TO COME BACK, JUST CALL THE OFFICE. 298 00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,255 IF NOT, I'LL SEE YA AT THE LUNCHEON. 299 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,289 TAKE CARE! 300 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,324 THANK YOU! YOU, TOO. 301 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,325 WE'LL CALL YA! 302 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,927 NO, YOU WON'T! 303 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,951 NO, BUT I MEAN FOR COFFEE OR SOMETHING. 304 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,833 AW, THAT WAS GREAT. 305 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,901 I MEAN, REALLY, REALLY GREAT. 306 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,903 YEAH. 307 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,538 LISTEN, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 308 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,639 YEAH? 309 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,930 WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST? 310 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,477 WHAT? 311 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,079 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT? WE'RE GETTING CLOSER. 312 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,814 WE'VE... WE'VE BECOME VERY INTIMATE, 313 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:15,284 BUT I JUST WANT... I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU. 314 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:18,087 WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? 315 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,123 WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST? 316 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,680 LIAR! OOF! 317 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,932 THIS DR. VONDERPHAL, HE'S UNBELIEVABLE. 318 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,723 HONEY... GO LIKE THIS. 319 00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:39,141 THAT'S HOW BIG THE BABY IS RIGHT NOW! 320 00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:41,565 OH, HE'S JUST GONNA GET TEASED A LOT. 321 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,214 [DOOR BUZZER] 322 00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:47,215 WHO IS? 323 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,151 IT'S DEBBIE AND JOAN! 324 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:52,388 I AM JUST NEVER GONNA GET TO FINISH THIS ARTICLE. 325 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,656 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 326 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,657 [DOOR BUZZER] 327 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,159 REALLY? SO, WHAT, 328 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,961 YOU CHANGE THE DIAPER WITH, LIKE, A LITTLE TWEEZER OR SOMETHING? 329 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,729 YOU HAVE A FISH KNIFE! 330 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,365 WHY DO YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT? 331 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,800 YOU HAVE A FISH KNIFE. I KNOW YOU DO. DON'T LIE TO ME! 332 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,301 I GAVE IT TO YOU! 333 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,103 JUST ADMIT IT! UNLESS YOU SOLD IT, YOU HAVE ONE! 334 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,605 Joan: SHE'S VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH. 335 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,808 OH, THEN BY ALL MEANS, LET'S GIVE HER A SHARP KNIFE. 336 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,677 I AM NOT NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH. 337 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,912 I'M SERVING TROUT, WHICH IS A HUGE GAMBLE. 338 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,447 YOU KNOW, DELICIOUS? 339 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,883 YES, BUT MORE BONES THAN... THAN... THAN... WHAT? WHAT HAS A LOTTA BONES? 340 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,218 SKELETON! BIG SKELETON. 341 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,187 OK, OK. HERE WE GO. EVERYBODY, TAKE IT EASY. 342 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,456 IT'S ALL GONNA BE FINE. 343 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,457 THANK YOU. 344 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,457 YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE? 345 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,492 NO. 346 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,493 NO. 347 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,560 NO. 348 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,061 WHAT ABOUT THE CASSEROLE DISH? 349 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,062 CASSEROLE DISH! 350 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,564 CASSEROLE DISH. CASSEROLE DISH. 351 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,600 HERE, HERE! HERE YOU GO! HERE YOU GO. 352 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,602 CASSEROLE... OK. 353 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:40,903 ANYTHING ELSE? 354 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,104 NO. 355 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,372 NO. 356 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,373 NO. 357 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:45,808 WHAT ABOUT THE GARLIC PRESS? 358 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:46,976 GARLIC PRESS! 359 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,711 GARLIC PRESS: THERE YOU GO. WE GOT SEVERAL... 360 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,112 HERE YOU GO. HERE, HERE, HERE. 361 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,614 OH, YES. ALL RIGHT. 362 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:52,782 ANYTHING ELSE? 363 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,584 ANYTHING ELSE? A WHISK! 364 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,288 A WHISK... WAIT! 365 00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:02,124 AND ABOUT A GALLON OF WINE. 366 00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,693 YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT HEAVY DRINKERS. 367 00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:05,595 IT'S FOR ME... NOW. 368 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,862 SHE'S NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH. 369 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,431 I'M NOT NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH! 370 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,432 ALL RIGHT, I'M NERVOUS. 371 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,234 I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M NERVOUS. 372 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,235 MOM'S GONNA MEET JOAN. 373 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,737 WELL, MAYBE THAT'S WHY. 374 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,238 ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO? 375 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,773 TO YOUR FAMILY. 376 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,743 MY FAMILY... DYSFUNCTIONAL, JUDGMENTAL, 377 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,345 INTOLERANT, OPPRESSIVE, PETTY, AND SMALL. 378 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,470 YES, BUT WE GET EVERYTHING WHEN THEY DIE. 379 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,718 OH, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY! 380 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,254 OH, MY GOD. 381 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,155 WHAT? 382 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,925 ANTIBIOTICS! I PUT HER ON ANTIBIOTICS FOR THE, UM... 383 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,059 FOR... THAT'S... WOMAN THING. 384 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,060 RIGHT. 385 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,595 AW, ISN'T THAT CUTE. 386 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,696 WHAT? 387 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,498 OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THEIR DOCTOR. 388 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,401 YOU'RE GIVING THEM A LITTLE ANTIBIOTICS. 389 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,103 YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF MY BROTHER'S WIFE. 390 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,638 IT'S CUTE. I LIKE IT. IT MAKES ME HAPPY. 391 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,408 YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? DEB, ACTUALLY... WHAT? WE'RE ACTUALLY... 392 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,508 ACTUALLY, THEY'RE STILL LOOKING AROUND. 393 00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:54,776 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE LOOKING AROUND? 394 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,245 YOU GOT THE BEST DOCTOR IN THE CITY RIGHT HERE. 395 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,947 NO, NO. I DON'T... WE'RE NOT LOOKING AROUND. 396 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,314 WE'RE JUST... WE'RE EXPLORING OUR OPTIONS. 397 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,949 OH, WELL, SO LONG AS YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AROUND. 398 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,786 DEB... YA KNOW, THIS IS HUGELY INSULTING. 399 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,554 DEBBIE, IT IS NOT INSULTING. 400 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,023 I'M SORRY, BUT IT IS. 401 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,625 YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU DON'T TRUST MY JUDGMENT IN PEOPLE 402 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,460 AND THAT YOU DON'T THINK JOAN IS A GOOD ENOUGH DOCTOR FOR YOU. 403 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,561 Joan: THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY'RE SAYING! 404 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,962 THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE SAYING! 405 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,452 CAN I HAVE THE KNIFE, PLEASE? 406 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,635 I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 407 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,139 SHE'S NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH. 408 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:32,380 John Sebastian sings: ♪ DID YOU EVER HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND? ♪ 409 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,784 ♪ AND PICK UP ON ONE AND LEAVE THE OTHER BEHIND ♪ 410 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:39,454 ♪ IT'S NOT OFTEN EASY AND NOT OFTEN KIND ♪ 411 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:43,291 ♪ DID YOU EVER HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND? ♪ 412 00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,161 ♪ DID YOU EVER HAVE TO FINALLY DECIDE... ♪ 413 00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,431 Jamie: LOOK AT THIS PLACE. IT'S LIKE A MUSEUM. 414 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,966 OK. CAN I SAY ONE THING? PICASSO! 415 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,434 WOW. 416 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,394 IT'S A WOMAN GIVING BIRTH TO HER OWN FACE. 417 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:01,510 THIS IS THE FANCIEST ROOM I'VE EVER BEEN IN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 418 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,945 OK. SEE? NOW I WANT TO BE A WOMAN. 419 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,180 ALL RIGHT. SIT DOWN. 420 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,948 HE'S GONNA COME IN IN A MINUTE. SIT DOWN. 421 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,304 I'M SITTING. I'M SITTING. 422 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,285 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HAIR? WHAT? 423 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,286 IT LOOKS WEIRD. 424 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,287 IT'S NOT. 425 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,288 IT'S POINTY. LEAVE IT ALONE. 426 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,289 LEAVE IT ALONE. WHY IS IT POINTY? 427 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,290 GO LIKE THIS. 428 00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,425 IT'S FINE. 429 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,295 PAT IT DOWN IN THE BACK. PAT, PAT, PAT, PAT, PAT. 430 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,863 HELLO. HI. 431 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,798 YOU MUST BE PAUL AND JAMIE. 432 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,433 YOU MUST BE DR. VONDERPHAL. 433 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,869 IS IT VONDERPHAL OR VON-DER-PHAL? 434 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:30,361 'CAUSE I GOTTA TELL YA, EITHER WAY, IT'S QUITE... WHAT? 435 00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:40,149 Ira: YEAH. TWO OF THE GLAZED. 436 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,717 PLEASE. 437 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,319 AND ANYTHING ELSE? 438 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,687 YEAH, YEAH. ONE OF THE TWISTS. 439 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,524 AND ANYTHING ELSE? 440 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:51,994 UH... YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT. 441 00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:55,486 UM... WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST? 442 00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,439 [DOOR BUZZER] 443 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,840 Debbie: WHO IS IT? 444 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,342 IT'S BURT AND SYLVIA. 445 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,843 BURT AND SYLVIA BUCHMAN. 446 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:08,844 YOUR PARENTS. 447 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,845 SHE KNOWS! 448 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:10,946 HI! 449 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,650 WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? WE'RE NOT THAT OLD. 450 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:18,253 WOW. HAVE YOU CHANGED THIS PLACE SINCE I WAS HERE. 451 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:22,625 GOT A NEW SOFA, NEW LAMP, NEW CLUB CHAIR. 452 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,727 WHERE IS SHE? 453 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,795 HI, EVERYONE. 454 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,230 MY LORD. 455 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,454 YOU ARE A STRAPPING YOUNG WOMAN. 456 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,203 HELLO. 457 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,704 HI. I'M JOAN. 458 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,496 [OVER-ENUNCIATING] I'M DEBBIE'S MOTHER, SYLVIA BUCHMAN. 459 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,578 AND I'M BURT. BURT BUCHMAN... I... 460 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,547 UH, SYLVIA'S HUSBAND AND ALSO, DEBBIE'S FATHER. 461 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,271 CAN YOU IMAGINE? 462 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,686 HERE. LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT, MRS. BUCHMAN. 463 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,454 SYLVIA, PLEASE. SYLVIA. 464 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:53,488 THANK YOU. 465 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,657 AND MR. BUCHMAN? 466 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,825 YOU WANT MY COAT? 467 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,293 I DO. 468 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,816 HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS? 469 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,633 YOU KNOW, I'LL MISS THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE. 470 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:05,634 REALLY? 471 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,902 NO, NOT REALLY. 472 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,860 [UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER] 473 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,309 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 474 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,678 AND THE CAMP CALLED AND SAID, "I'M SORRY, 475 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,370 BUT YOUR DAUGHTER CAN NO LONGER TAKE ARCHERY"! 476 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,644 [DOOR BUZZER] 477 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,292 Sylvia: DEBBIE, SHE'S DELIGHTFUL. 478 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,415 [LAUGHTER] 479 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,032 I DON'T WANNA GO IN. 480 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,801 WELL, ARE YOU GONNA COME IN, OR ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS? 481 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,137 WE BROUGHT CAKE. 482 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,605 PUT IT OVER THERE. 483 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,373 LISTEN, WHAT'S THE MATTER? Jamie: IT'S NOTHING. 484 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,774 IT'S NOT NOTHING. IT'S SOMETHING. 485 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,108 OK. DO WE HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS RIGHT NOW? 486 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,978 NO, WE DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS NOW. LET'S EAT. 487 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:50,479 GOOD! I'M STARVING. 488 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,980 Sylvia: ME, TOO. 489 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,183 OH! LOOK AT THOSE BEAUTIFUL DISHES! 490 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,952 WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? 491 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,320 RHINEBECK: THE CRAFTS FAIR. 492 00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,822 OH, I LOVE IT THERE. WE GO THERE. REMEMBER, BURT? 493 00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,458 NO. 494 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,426 IS THIS THAT SOY CHEESE? 495 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,427 YES. 496 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,229 BURT, THIS IS THAT SOY CHEESE. 497 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,264 [SARCASTICALLY] GREAT! 498 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,966 I HEARD ABOUT THIS. WHERE DID YOU GET IT? 499 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,634 OH, A LITTLE PLACE UPTOWN. 500 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,704 I STOPPED IN RIGHT AFTER JAMIE SAID THEY WERE LOOKING FOR A NEW GYNECOLOGIST, 501 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:16,739 AND IT WOULDN'T BE JOAN. 502 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,739 WHAT? 503 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,508 IT'S NOTHING. IT'S NOTHING. 504 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,943 WHAT IS THIS, ASPIC? 505 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:24,279 UH-HUH. I GOT THAT RIGHT AFTER PAUL SAID JOAN WOULDN'T DO, 506 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:25,881 THAT THEY NEEDED TO SHOP AROUND. 507 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,516 DEB... SYLVIA, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND... 508 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,851 UNDERSTAND WHAT? 509 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,851 MY POSITION. IT'S VERY... 510 00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:32,487 NO, NO, NO, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 511 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:35,913 JOAN IS YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW... ESSENTIALLY. 512 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,761 REALLY? 513 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,195 NOT ONLY THAT, BUT, IF I MAY, 514 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,529 SHE'S A LESBIAN. 515 00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:43,913 SHE KNOWS ABOUT THESE THINGS, RIGHT? 516 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,535 UH... YES. 517 00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:48,837 THANK YOU. 518 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:53,075 Sylvia: YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT. 519 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,076 SEE? 520 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,846 YOU GOT SOME KIND OF PROBLEM WITH JOAN? 521 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:58,413 NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 522 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,082 YOU KNOW, YOU WOULD EXPECT A LITTLE MORE OPEN-MINDEDNESS 523 00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,718 FROM THE LIBERALS. 524 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,721 SYLVIA, LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING. 525 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,057 WHAT, NOW SHE'S A MEMBER OF A MILITIA GROUP? 526 00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:09,825 NO, ONLY IF NEW YORK MAGAZINE 527 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,426 SAYS IT'S THE BEST MILITIA GROUP 528 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,785 WITH THE NICEST BOMBS AND THE MOST FASHIONABLE UNIFORMS. 529 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:19,935 OK. LOOK, PAUL AND JAMIE ARE CHOOSING A DOCTOR, 530 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,671 WHICH IS A VERY PERSONAL, PRIVATE MATTER. 531 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,441 IT'S A DECISION WHICH COULD AFFECT THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, 532 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,877 AND THAT IS WHY NO ONE, EVEN WITH THE BEST OF INTENTIONS, 533 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,247 SHOULD EVER DARE TO PUT ANY PRESSURE ON THEM. 534 00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:36,907 MY BEST PROFESSIONAL ADVICE IS: EVERYBODY, BACK OFF. 535 00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,758 Sylvia: YOU KNOW WHAT? 536 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,548 SHE'S RIGHT. 537 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,398 REALLY? 538 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,168 YOU KNOW, SHE'S QUITE THE ORATOR. 539 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,905 SHE CERTAINLY IS... BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE. 540 00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,328 OH, YEAH. 541 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,722 CONSUELA... [TURNS VACUUM OFF] 542 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,290 LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 543 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:16,292 [SMACK] 544 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,293 Ira: OOH! 545 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,317 [GLASS BREAKING] 546 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,567 SOMEONE'S GOING TO HAVE TO MARRY A BANK-ROBBING, PUPPY-KICKING SERIAL KILLER 547 00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:29,070 BEFORE I STAND ANY CHANCE OF GETTING IN GOOD WITH YOUR MOTHER. 548 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,072 OH, JUST HANG IN THERE. 549 00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,941 LISTEN, THE MINUTE MY MOTHER FINDS OUT 550 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,877 THAT YOU ARE CARRYING HER GENETIC MATERIAL, 551 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,981 WHOOSH, YOU'RE GONNA FLY RIGHT TO THE TOP OF HER TOTEM POLE. 552 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,104 OR NOT. 553 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,288 Answering machine: HI. THIS IS CLAUDIA FROM DR. VONDERPHAL'S OFFICE. 554 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,092 CONGRATULATIONS. DR. VONDERPHAL WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE YOU ON AS A PATIENT. 555 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,160 PLEASE CALL TO ARRANGE AN APPOINTMENT. 556 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,350 [BEEP] 557 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,565 HUH. 558 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,334 CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING? 559 00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,334 JOAN? JOAN! 560 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:00,869 YEAH, I MEAN... 561 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,371 SHE'S NICE! SHE'S REALLY NICE. 562 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,706 AND SHE'S COMPETENT. SHE'S COMPETENT. 563 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,040 SHE'S SMART. SHE'S COMPETENT. SHE'S KIND. 564 00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,575 REALLY KIND. VERY KIND. 565 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:07,743 LIKE SHE WOULDN'T HURT A FLY KINDA KIND. 566 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,179 AND SEE WHY YOUR SISTER LOVES HER. 567 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,680 SO JOAN. 568 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:12,714 JOAN. YEAH. 569 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,149 ALL RIGHT. THERE IT IS. 570 00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,052 HEY, WE GOT YOU A DOCTOR. 571 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,287 THAT'S OUR VERY FIRST PARENTAL DECISION. 572 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,889 LOOK AT THAT. 573 00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,859 UM... LITTLE PERSON... 574 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:28,697 YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE DECIDED TO GO WITH JOAN. 575 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,654 [DOOR BUZZER] 576 00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,937 OK. THAT'S THE SECOND TIME THAT HAPPENED NOW. 577 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,338 [DOOR BUZZER] 578 00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,741 IT'S SOME SORT OF, LIKE, FREAKISH THING GOING ON THERE. 579 00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:40,445 I'M A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE. 580 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,878 I'LL TELL YA THIS. 581 00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,782 IT IS NOT INFORMATION THAT WOMEN PART WITH EASILY. 582 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:52,721 WHAT? 583 00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,223 THE BEST GYNECOLOGIST IN NEW YORK 584 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:58,060 IS APPARENTLY THIS GUY, DR. VONDERPHAL. 585 00:21:58,084 --> 00:21:59,227 OH, YEAH, WE KNOW. 586 00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,562 YEAH, BUT WE DECIDED WE'RE GONNA GO WITH JOAN. 587 00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:01,651 THANKS, THOUGH. 588 00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,776 HELLO, DEBBIE. YEAH, THIS IS YOUR MOTHER. 589 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,779 I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR FATHER AND I 590 00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,147 THOUGHT THAT JOAN WAS WONDERFUL. 591 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,282 STRAPPING. YES. 592 00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:21,783 TELL HER STRAPPING. 593 00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:25,120 YEAH, SHE WAS WONDERFUL, AND SHE WAS CHARMING. 594 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,788 TELL HER STRAPPING. SHE'S STRAPPING. 595 00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,457 I HEARD YOU ALREADY. 596 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,024 BUT YOU'RE NOT SAYING IT. 597 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:31,126 ALL RIGHT! SO YOU SAY IT. 598 00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:33,161 OH, HELLO, DEBBIE. 599 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:37,132 YEAH. JOAN IS CHARMING AND WONDERFUL. 600 00:22:37,156 --> 00:22:38,133 AND STRAPPING. 601 00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:40,157 SHE'S A VERY STRAPPING YOUNG WOMAN. 39834

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