Original subtitles

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

[music crescendos]

♪ ♪

[snores] Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

[snores] Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. [vacuum whirs]

[screeches]

Oh, Edith, it's just you.

[meows]

That's weird.

Where's the pile of paper plates in the sink?

And crusty laundry mountain?

And why is the toilet flushed?

[razor humming] What is happening?

Where did all your fur go?

And he keeps telling me that Friday

is going to be the most important day

of our lives. What does it all mean?

Buddy, the flowers? The clean apartment?

The shaved rub-a-dub?

Bit soon for a recap.

It's yours and Kevin's anniversary.

Oh, my gosh, you're right.

It probably has been however long a year is

since Dana left me at Kevin's

and Kevin was too spiteful to return me to her.

What do I get him? I always forget,

is one year paper or a dead rat?

Blech. All cats know rat is apology gift.

Birds are anniversary gift.

But what kind of bird?

It has to be perfect.

Tabitha, you like to shop.

Maybe you could help Chico find a bird.

I can catch a bird on my own.

I just have to find the hive and take out the queen.

Ugh, this is going to be disaster

of the most boring proportions,

but I will allow you to be helped by me.

I find bird, you kill it.

Limited time offer.

Take the deal! Take it!

Ugh, I'd kill to keep my Kevin.

No. Kevin is mine. You can't have him.

No, no, no, no. My special someone.

Her name is Sophie B.

A tween angel from my classroom

who only eats her boogers when she's stressed.

She took me home for the long weekend

and it's been amazing.

I gotta get you nice and clean

for your date to the ball.

I'm going to ball? And I have a date?

- Ta-da. - Holy cow!

But it's all gonna end tomorrow

when she takes me back to school.

And that means one thing, loneliness.

If you're so lonely,

why do you keep eating your mates' faces?

Because I'm complicated. That's why I'm here.

I just don't want my time with Sophie B. to end.

Well, I can't believe I'm saying this,

but longer isn't always better.

Mine and Darla's river of liquid love has run dry.

'Tis better to have short-lived passion

than watch your romance grow old and wither.

Cherish it while it's still moist.

Don't listen to him. Romance doesn't have to wither.

Chief and I have been married for six years.

And aside from the one time I ran away with a coyote and--

Okay, wait, you think you're married?

I don't think we're married.

I know we're married. See?

By that logic, you're also Batman and Robin.

[dramatic musical flourish]

Just because Jill dressed you up

in that unflattering flammable costume,

doesn't mean you have to limit yourself

to that failed human construct.

We're not limiting ourselves.

You know my motto, "No limits."

What else would we be doing?

Playing with other dogs.

Or tortoises. Think about it.

We've played with other dogs,

but we prefer playing with each other.

Because you think you have to.

But now you can play with other dogs

and don't have to pretend you prefer to play with Chief

or he with you.

I'll just let that sit there.

Okay, everyone out.

[funky music]

- [chomping] - So what do you think?

Well, it's a lot to process.

We're not Batman and Robin?

No, the other part.

What do you think about not behaving

like we're married?

Would you wanna play with other dogs,

take ol' Honey-bee out of the equation?

- Who's ol' Honey-bee? - Me.

Look, does that sound like something

you'd wanna do? - I don't know.

Is it something you'd wanna do?

Well, it's not not something

I wouldn't not think about not doing.

- Same. - Oh.

So we're on the same page.

No limits. [chuckles weakly]

♪ ♪

Hello, Boring Cat.

Sorry I'm late. I did not want to come earlier.

- Over here. - Oh.

Hello, Boring Cat. - Shh-shh-shh.

I found the perfect bird for Kevin.

Ugh, no. Pigeons are first-thought.

Wow, that was my first thought.

You're good at this. - I am good at everything.

Especially montages. Hit it!

♪ Hey, hey, you, you ♪

♪ I don't like your girlfriend ♪

♪ No way, no way ♪

♪ I think you need a new one ♪

[whimpers] [geese honking]

[growls] [eagle shrieks]

Aah!

♪ Hey, hey, you, you ♪

♪ I know that you like me ♪

♪ No way, no way, no, it's not a secret ♪

♪ Hey, hey, you, you ♪

♪ I want to be your girlfriend ♪

♪ ♪

Well, here we are.

We're off-leash, baby.

[chuckles] Now that we're not married,

I finish all my statements with "baby."

Baby. - Okay, so how do we start?

Just pick a dog you want to play with

and have more fun than you've ever had with me.

Well, that'll be easy. [laughs]

Hey there. I see you're all by yourself.

Dog parks, huh? [chuckles]

Uh-huh.

Great job, Honey. "Dog parks, huh?"

Idiot. - Right-o, right-o, right-o.

Hey, don't worry about her, man.

A rejection is just someone not wantin' to be with you.

They call me Flapjack. May I?

Sure. But just so you know, I'm out of practice.

[sniffs]

You don't smell out of practice.

Wow. [giggles]

I don't know about all that.

I did take a bath two months ago.

Uh, may I? - You wanna sniff it,

you gotta catch it. Chase me.

[collar jingling] [chuckles]

Bye, bitch. Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[Nibbles humming]

Dude, make a move. I'm a sure thing.

Sophie, we're gonna be late for school.

Go get that gerbil!

[gasps] Oh, no. Already?

I can't go back there.

And I'm a hamster. Do better.

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

Mom, I can't find Nibbles!

But we can't say we lost her.

Just stop at the pet store and get a replacement.

Yes!

Good idea. They all look alike.

Wow.

And then we played tug-of-war.

And we wrestled.

And there was this whole thing with a ball.

And, I mean, I've chased before,

but I've never played chase before.

But, okay, I've been going on and on.

Did you meet anyone?

Actually, I met this awesome dog

and maybe had even more fun than you did.

Okay, it's not a competition.

The important thing is that we had

our own separate wonderful experiences

with two completely different dogs.

Right-o, right-o, right-o.

Did somebody order a stack o' Jack?

[together] Flapjack! You know Flapjack?

That's the dog I was telling you about.

That's the dog you were telling me about?

Yes!

Oh, no.

Surprise!

You two were having so much fun at the park

with this little guy, I figured one more dog

might fill the void in my soul. [chuckles]

I didn't realize you two knew each other.

This is kind of weird that we both played with you

and had no idea.

And now all three of us are together... baby.

So how does this work?

Do we take turns playing with him?

Which one of us pees on ourself submissively

in a situation like this?

Guys, we don't need to have our separate fun.

This order of Flapjack is for the table.

[Chief panting] Switch.

Yeah. [laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[all laughing]

- [dog barking] - [screams]

Aah!

[all chuckling]

- Whoa. - Whoo-hoo.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[both grunt]

Mama, it happened again!

[all laugh]

♪ ♪

Okay, here we go. Day two.

Have you lost weight?

Oh. Well, you look terrible.

Did you sleep last night?

[sighs] Only for ten hours.

I was tossing and turning all night.

Even if we do find the right bird,

I still have to catch it.

It's not gonna just volunteer to die.

I volunteer to die.

What? Why?

Ever since my one true love

was ripped from my wings,

I don't want to be alive anymore.

You heard him.

Chomp down on that dirty bird.

♪ ♪

[snoring]

Aah! - Laundry, laundry, laundry.

All I do is laundry.

I used to be a city planner.

[gasps] Aah! Oh, my God. It's that gross gerbil.

Gross hamster!

- Aah! Ew, ew. - [grunting]

Oh, God. [train whistle toots]

[dramatic music]

[squeals, grunts]

Ha, ha. I'm never going back to that school.

Later, loser.

Oh, nuts.

[upbeat music]

Ooh, I am Boring Cat.

I say I want to kill bird,

but then I do not kill bird

even though bird want me to kill bird.

That is Chico. That's why I do voice.

Tabitha's Chico makes some good points.

How are we still talking about this?

It's a bird. Kill it.

[menacing music]

Right-o, right-o, right-o. [chuckles]

Aren't we all just sniffin' along

on our own journeys here?

What?

Maybe if you didn't ask so many questions,

you wouldn't need so many answers.

Okay, well, I think we should show

the bird some grace.

I mean, who are we to decide

who lives and dies, right, Stan?

Woe! My heart rend in two, I long for mercy,

a swift death,

for it is in the quietude

of the everlasting slumber--

Oh, my God, I take it back.

Kill the winged rat. Do it now.

Look, just because you lost your love

doesn't mean you should give up on life.

Kevin and I thought we were in love with Dana

until she broke both our hearts.

And now look at us.

One year later and happier than ever.

I found my Kevin. You can too.

Ahh... serum of truth

hitting my ear's taste buds.

I've heard enough.

I shall live and acquire a new love.

Why, there's one now.

I'm coming to you, beloved.

all: Yeah!

And the crazy carousel of life continues.

Was Jill painting

in an unventilated room with you again?

No, no, no.

[chuckles] No, it's just the new dog

Chief and I are playin' with, Flapjack.

His name's Flapjack.

Flap-jack.

Wait, wait, wait. The Flapjack?

They say there's no flap he can't jack.

As someone who's danced the three-legged tango,

I'm not sure a couple of vanillas

like you and Chief know how to travel that rocky road.

Please.

Chief and I have never been more simpatico.

We're just havin' some innocent fun.

So much fun, in fact, that I'm reminded

how little fun I'm having right now.

Honey-bee gotta fly like a bird.

But not that bird. [chuckles]

Too soon. No, I dig it. [collar jingles]

Well, what are we gonna do?

We can't bring it back to the school now.

We already gave them that other one.

Ethan's right.

Just take me back to Sophie.

She's my destiny! [squeals, grunts]

[car horn blaring]

[loud crash]

Karma!

♪ ♪

[crickets chirping]

What up, dawgz, with an unconventional Z?

We've had a three-dog day,

what say we have a three-dog night?

That's what's up if you two are down.

Well, uh, these ears ain't gonna lick themselves.

Uh, is this what's up?

I just thought we were gonna chew on a slipper.

But I'm game if you're game. Are you game?

Well, I want to if you want to.

Well, I don't not want to,

if you don't want to not want to.

If you want not--

Right-o, right-o, right-o then.

Everyone wants to.

[grunts]

Let Flapjack be your guide.

[sultry music]

[giggles]

♪ Right-o, right-o, right-o ♪

♪ ♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ Right-o, right-o, right-o ♪

♪ ♪

Somebody order a stack of Jack?

♪ ♪

Everyone wants one.

♪ ♪

[snoring]

Right-o, right-o, right-o.

So it looked like you were having fun last night.

Well, it looked like you were having fun.

Oh. I'm surprised you noticed.

You were so deep in Flapjack's ear.

Well, I was just in there looking for you.

Really?

Because it seemed like you were having

a lot of fun with Flapjack--

like more fun than you ever had with me.

Wasn't that the whole point?

You told me to have fun without you.

But then I had more fun without you with you,

so what's the problem?

The problem is, is that I wanted you

to say that you couldn't possibly

have more fun without me.

But you didn't, and now we're in a thruppie!

I thought that's what you wanted!

That's the last thing I wanted.

Well, how was I supposed to know that?

I can't read your butt!

[grunts] [objects clatter]

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[creature snarls]

[whimpers]

Oh.

[screaming]

[adventurous music]

You're not from around here, are you?

You saved my life.

Thank you. I'm Nibbles.

Illinois James.

[sighs] Are you my new special someone?

Probably. Let's ride.

Whoa!

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Chief, I'm sorry.

Elsa got in my head and made me question

how we define our relationship.

Are we married? Are we not married?

And if we aren't, what does that mean?

Will we still be buried next to each other

in the backyard when we die?

Also, what is death?

I just wanna move forward, but I don't know how.

Me too.

Are you also stuck in the wall?

No, I'm-I'm talking about our relationship.

But have you tried going backwards?

Yes!

I do want to go backwards to the way we were,

the dynamic duo--

fighting crime and looking great in tights.

Yeah, I was actually talking about the wall this time.

[growls] - Ow!

So what does this mean? Are we married?

I don't know, but we're a pack of two.

And we were happily each other's favorite playmate

until I created a problem.

And now that problem lives here and expertly licks our ears.

Don't worry, babe. I'll get rid of him.

Flapjack.

[tense music]

Honey's got something to tell you.

I'm sorry, but this isn't working out.

You're right, oh, right-o, right-o.

Well, lucky for you, I know just how to fix it.

Problem was, you only had one Flapjack.

What you needed was a whole stack.

[whistles]

[dogs barking]

♪ Boom-chicka-bow-wow ♪

[sultry music]

Bunch of random dogs convening in the backyard,

licking ears, it's a regular thing--

not weird at all.

Holy earholes, Batman. How do we fix this?

Well, Robin, there's only one way

to scare off these horndogs.

[dramatic musical flourish]

- What the hell was that? - No idea.

To the Shel Cave!

♪ Na-na-na ♪

♪ Batman! ♪

Thank you for your sacrifice.

[door opens] Oh, he's here.

I can't wait for Kevin to realize I'm worth loving.

Hide. - Oh, Kevin.

Oh, you're so hot. You're so hot.

Dana?

Isn't this romantic, babe?

Us getting back together on our anniversary?

Shh, don't ruin it.

All this anniversary stuff was for Dana?

It was never about me.

Ooh, plot twist.

Thank God.

[pensive music]

Where am I? What's going on?

Oh, my God, Stan's alive?

[both shrieking] - Kevin!

Kevin, get it out! Get it out, Kevin!

What the hell is that? Oh, my God, oh, my God!

It got in my hair! Do something!

Oh! Oh, my God!

- Ah! Get it! Get it! Get it! - Ugh.

My psychic told me you'd never defend me against a bird.

That is a good psychic.

Second chance at life--here I come!

[groans]

Ugh. I ruined everything.

You got him the perfect gift, Chico.

Sending boho bitch packing, ultimate twist.

You're right, Tabitha.

[grunting]

[purrs] - You know what, dude?

We're better off without her.

Thanks, buddy.

Not a total waste of day.

Happy ending for overweight traffic cone,

and bird is finally dead.

[funky music]

This iceberg lettuce is delicious.

Do you--do you want a bite? Or--

I'm having the same thing.

Ugh!

I can't do this. I'm eating in my room tonight.

Knock, knock.

Shel, we have company.

Oh, thank God.

Shel, Darla, what if I told you

I could spice up your old, withered sex life?

Unless you're offering to reignite our passion

with a backyard packed with horny dogs who can bear witness

to a dual tortoise taboo-busting erotic carnival,

then we're not interested.

I guess I'm about to embark

on the greatest adventure of all--

falling in love with you.

Oh, Illinois.

[hawk shrieks]

- Ah! - Sorry!

I'm complicated!

Hawks! Why'd it have to be hawks?

[adventurous music]

[bell rings]

[sighs]

[funky music]

I guess this is my destiny, to live alone in a cage

at an underperforming elementary school.

Oh. You must be my replacement.

I'm 2.0, ho.

They worked out the bugs.

Ooh, spicy.

Maybe you're my new special someone.

She's going for the face!

Oh, my God, there's two of them.

We can't keep them both.

I'll take Nibbles! We have a special bond.

It's happening.

I'm finally getting my original special someone back!

It's my destiny.

No!

I'm the real Nibbles! Take me!

I'm glad I urinated in your sock drawer!

Hey, Honey Bunches of Love and Chief.

Hope you don't mind we started the party without you.

No, not at all.

We actually brought friends.

Right-o. Add them to the stack.

Come on, Darla.

Let's teach these doggies how to do it tortoise style.

[ominous music]

Show no mercy.

What's happening?

Choo-choo, Shel.

[sultry music]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

- Woo-hoo-hoo! - Ooh!

[dogs groaning]

My eyes!

Spin me.

Oh, well, that ain't right.

Oh, Shel and Darla are back!

- That was disgusting. - So gross!

Why do I always end up in the splash zone?

Well, folks, this Jack has been flapped.

I think I'm gonna go away for a while.

Chief, he's gone. We did it!

And they're still doing it.

We might have to move. - Chupacabra!

I know we rescued him,

but it feels like he rescued us.

I know. You keep saying that.

Oh, look at him having a sweet dream.

He's probably running in a meadow

or frolicking on the seashore.

[menacing music]

♪ ♪

Come join us, tortoise style.

[laughs]

Munch on my lettuce.

[cackles]

No, no.

Help me. Someone help me!

Should we wake him up?

No. Let him sleep.

That's nice, Jen and Gabby.

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