Original subtitles

[man] My name is Antoni Provsky.

I'm 34 years old and recently famous.

One minute you're scrounging for change to buy a bag of frozen peas

and the next you're the avocado king.

Who am I?

I live in an immaculately appointed colonial

designed by Bobby Burke,

located in an affluent part of town

accessible only to old money and deeply connected locals.

I typically start my day off by tending to my herb garden

using a vintage copper watering pot

and room temperature water.

Basil can be quite finicky.

[thud]

Back to my name for a moment.

It's Antoni, not Anthony.

Like Antony and Cleopatra.

There's no "H."

[suspenseful transition, creak]

As part of my daily ritual,

I start each morning with a homemade face mask

made of Greek yogurt and steeped green tea leaves.

[horn blares, ominous piano riff]

I apply said face mask to my face

not unlike buttercream frosting on a cake.

A generous, thick gorgine application

removes toxins and tightens my face...

[echoing voice] Antoni...

[Antoni] ...lending to my youthful glow.

Self-care isn't selfish.

Every day starts with a few exercises and stretches,

including but not limited to core strengtheners.

These help lessen the guilt from the previous night's decision

to eat a whole block of clothbound cheddar

and half a Poilâne loaf.

Okay, fine, the whole loaf.

[shower running]

Once I've completed my exercise routine,

it is time to remove the mask.

[scrambled digital noise]

[piano music playing]

I like that none of the other guys know anything about cooking.

Except Ted, and only a little.

I don't care whether they like what I cook or not.

They'll eat it if they know what's good for them.

[knife clink echoes]

[piano music resolves]

[ominous, drone-like effect]

[high-pitched whoosh]