Original subtitles

(bubbling)

(electric crackling)

(dramatic rock tones)

- [Woman] I just saw a shot, I just got outta there fast.

- [Narrator] June 12th, 2016,

Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida under siege.

Three hours of abject terror.

Multiple shootings, hostages taken and when

the smoke cleared, 49 people were dead, many more injured.

(soft guitar music)

In Los Angeles, members

of the LGBTQ community react to the tragedy.

- When I was reading the news about Orlando,

I can remember I was laying in bed

and I just felt like this fear that like that could be me.

- Back in the 80s, I was in a nightclub

when there was a shooting, I was in a gay club

and so it definitely brought up a lot of feelings

and I could really relate to the terror and confusion.

- It felt like just,

I felt utterly deflated.

- I was actually home with my kids sitting down.

I was flipping through the channels.

I didn't change it,

I didn't hide what was going on from them.

- It was Gay Pride Sunday in Los Angeles

and I had my outfit all laid out

and then there was news of somebody

who was coming to the Pride Parade

and had explosives and all sorts of stuff

and I thought well you know what, we can't go.

Then I thought no, you know what?

We are absolutely going.

This is the most important Pride Day of all days.

- When we learned of the Orlando tragedy,

I was actually at LA Pride.

I was scheduled to be on a car in the parade

and there were many emotions that raced through

my heart and through my mind but I was not

going to let them take the one thing that we had going

for us and that was pride and our sense of community.

- I didn't know those 49 people.

I didn't know that nightclub but I felt

it was an attack on our entire community

and I felt like we needed to come together,

heal together, process this together.

- [Narrator] In Maplewood, New Jersey,

activist Jason Hayes tries to process the tragedy.

- 10 years prior to Orlando,

we had a school in Sandy Hook, Connecticut

full of middle American white children murdered

and we found ourselves with weaker gun laws in this country.

So I literally just had to say to people

if you think that America is going to jump up

in arms in anger and frustration because 49

fags and lesbians

of color were killed, you're crazy.

It's not gonna change anything and so I had to do something.

I couldn't just sit and be angry and cry anymore.

- I was like what am I gonna do?

I've gotta help my gay brothers and sisters.

I've gotta help my LGBT community.

I just spent night after night searching.

Are there events happening?

Is there somewhere for me to go?

Are there candlelight vigils, are they nearby?

- I have an idea, we're gonna hold

a national rally called Disarm Hate.

We're going to bring together the LGBTQ community

and we are going to bring the gun

violence prevention community together.

I don't know if it's gonna work,

I don't know if it's gonna happen

but all I know is I'm gonna try.

So I went online and applied for the permits,

downloaded the seven page application

with the National Parks Department and sent

that over and put it on Facebook that I was

gonna be holding a rally in Washington D.C.

Come on, we're gonna do something, we're gonna be heard.

We're gonna stand up and my husband came home

that night from work and walked in the door

and just said "I'm gonna fucking kill you."

I said "What?"

And he said "You applied for

"permits for a march on Washington."

- I was like "It's just gonna be a small rally, a gathering"

and he just started laughing and he said "No, I know you.

"Nothing you do is ever small."

- Suddenly I saw this guy,

he posted on a forum about wanting to do a rally in D.C.

From there on, it became about getting there to film this

man who was the only person I saw with a goal after Pulse.

(soft piano music)

(soft guitar music)

- My name is Alexis Sanchez and I'm transgender.

Now that I've finally come out and transitioned,

I'm comfortable in my skin and I laugh

and I'm happy for the first time in my life.

- I'm Chris Bland, originally

from Virginia and now live in Los Angeles.

I work in retail.

Also I have a longtime history

of being an LGBT and HIV activist.

- I'm Joey Giandla, I was born gay.

Yes, I'm gay.

I was often challenged being out in the world.

I was not as easily accepted.

- I'm Dusty, I am a lesbian.

I have a card in my wallet that says "I am a lesbian."

- Hi, I'm Donato Crowley.

Been living in Los Angeles since I was 22 years old.

I came here pursuing my dream of acting and I am very gay

and proud of it.

- My name is Michelle Haro,

I'm from Bakersfield, California.

Before I knew I was lesbian, before I could

put a word to it, before I could understand it,

the community was there for me already.

- Asher Glynn, I'm from Los Angeles, California.

Being bisexual with a wife and a family,

having a color-bangled Pride hat on is interesting.

The looks that I get, the interactions and the whispers

that go on but today I'm not uncomfortable with that.

I'm Rachel Fisher, I'm from Los Angeles.

I'm a bisexual, I have been out for about 10 years.

I spend a lot more time within

the gay community and LGBT community in general.

That's where I personally

have felt comfortable most of my life.

- I've been living trans for 14 years.

I am an activist and an advocate.

I'm one of those people that I can't see myself

standing by while all of these things are taking place.

So my life I've dedicated

to speaking out and being that voice.

- [Narrator] August 9th, 2016,

nine LGBTQ activists team up in Los Angeles to board an RV

bound for Jason's Disarm Hate rally in Washington D.C.

They have four days to get there.

(upbeat guitar music)

- 20% of the hate crimes are committed with guns.

What I think is really crazy and whack

about that is a 13 year old can go in a store

and cannot buy a lottery ticket, cannot buy cigarettes,

cannot buy alcohol but they can walk into a gun show

and in 15 minutes walk outta there legally with a rifle.

There's something really wrong with that picture.

(gunshots booming)

- [Narrator] Before leaving Los Angeles,

to get a full understanding of the issue,

the team decides to visit LAX Shooting Range.

(relaxed rock music)

- When I was first walking in there,

these emotions come up and I was kinda scared actually.

I wasn't sure what to expect and I kinda

was thinking we were gonna use some of the assault rifles

and then when we got the guns, he gave us

a little tutorial and it was kind of cool actually.

I was conflicted inside because part

of me is like I don't want to like this.

But I liked it.

- What I realized is that it was not like TV.

It seems like on TV, they just pull it out,

everything is set up good and ready to go.

But to have to actually load all of those bullets

and then press down, especially with like nails

and all kinds of, and I kept skinning my finger

and I was like this is just not me.

I didn't realize there was

so much that actually went into it.

I had the zombie but I shot the girl's implant out.

- You shot her in the boob. - Yeah, she needed Dr. 90210.

- I asked 'em what is the point

of those high capacity assault rifles?

This guy said "That's for stress relief"

and my first reaction was like stress relief?

Fuck you, like go on a bike ride,

that's what I do or masturbate.

(laughing)

Yeah, but however today, I was very surprised

at how much I liked shooting the gun

and there was something, like you said before,

I felt very focused and sort of in the moment

and powerful.

- It made me think of cops and robbers.

When we used to play cops and robbers when we were kids.

Bang, bang and it was such a fun game but in reality,

it's very serious and just like that, a life can be gone.

- The part that

was hard for me was that

when I got that bullseye, it was like,

yeah, like I was like "Yeah (growling)."

That's how I felt, I felt like I needed

to start growling and that scared me.

(gunshots booming)

- I just couldn't help but think about how

terrifying it would be, I had flashes of Orlando because

of how terrifying it would be to kinda hear the gunshots

and I got a sense for how crazy it is when you're shooting.

You have to be in this very focused,

I feel like maniacal kind of zone

for me to aim correctly and so

it was very emotional to think about this.

The terror that a gun can inflict.

- I would love to see really smart gun reform.

I'm not anti-gun, I believe

they belong in responsible hands.

I used to be licensed to carry.

I may in the future, I may not.

I don't know but I know that

there needs to be something that changes.

There are so,

there are so many lives that go wasted

because irresponsible people are given

a tool that can take lives and not just,

we're not talking a gun that

can pop off one shot, two shot here.

We're talking about you can

wipe out an entire room of people

and it's a waste, it's a disservice

to mankind and I want to see that change.

(upbeat piano music)

- The RV I really underestimated.

It was supposed to house a family of four comfortably.

A family of five, maybe and that was

the biggest one I could get for our budget

and I was like "That'll work, right?"

Oh my god, me, Jim, cameraman, AJ and Becca

the sound woman were all in this four-seater side truck.

Then everyone else, the nine of them were in there.

We thought that's how it would work.

No, Becca had to set up for sound.

So she was in the back bedroom.

So you had all nine people shoved up front

and then a cameraman and sometimes me.

So sometimes what, 13 people?

Yeah, 13 people at a time

and one person would be driving the side car.

Not good, not good.

- One of the first emails I got when we setup the website

was from a guy and of course I was naive,

I had just started putting everything together

and I thought that the email when we got it,

the Disarm Hate Gmail address was gonna be all people

offering support and thank you so much for doing this.

But it wasn't, it was an email from someone,

a gentleman who started his email

telling me that he was sad that AIDS hadn't killed me

as a fag but that he hoped a stray bullet would

and

I don't know,

maybe 'cause

I have spent my whole life being called a fag

and insulted and bullied and attacked,

it just made me angrier, it kind of made me

want to fight harder to make sure that this all happened.

But it also made me realize very quickly that

if I'm getting emails like that, I'm doing something right.

(relaxed piano, guitar music)

- [Julianna] There's always this idea that you're gonna

find America when you set out to go on a road trip.

You're gonna get to someplace and you're gonna find America.

But you really find yourself.

- My ex-girlfriend is married and is about

to have a kid and she won't even talk to me now.

Even at the highest monogamous of levels,

it still hurts more when you're that minority

that gets tucked under and it just, you know,

and no one cares 'cause the relationships that you have

feel less than the relationships that everyone else has.

- I have a question, why would you refer to her as straight

if she was in a relationship with you, with a woman?

Why is she straight but when you were with a man,

you still considered yourself 100% lesbian?

- This was her only lesbian relationship,

just like that's probably gonna be my only guy relationship.

- [Rachel] She's married now, so we don't know

and she's faithful to that guy but that

doesn't mean she's not still attracted to women

and hasn't always been attracted to women.

- Are you basically asking why she doesn't identify as bi?

- [Rachel] I'm asking why the erasure?

Why are we so quick to say that someone--

- [Asher] Because even when you said gay men

and lesbians, you excluded bi from the whole thing.

- Here's the reason why.

Because bi people, you're a minority.

The reality is that they don't identify with--

- So you exclude us? - Wait, no, no, no, no.

Don't ask the question if you're not ready for the answer.

Bi people don't own their bisexuality.

They're closeted a lot of times.

- That's bullshit. - That is so bullshit.

- It's that the LGBT community,

what's happening right now is we say

that we're bi and we come out as bi and people deny it.

People say-- - Straight and gay.

- We're talking about specific people, exactly.

You see, that's the thing.

Don't take your shit and put that on me.

What I'm saying is this is the dynamic.

They come and they basically make us think

that they're discovering themselves and then

they go back to the other and then we're just left

used up and depleted and abused and manipulated.

- So where do I fit in in this community

when I have participated in activism for this community

and I have done my best to be an ally to the gay community,

the trans community and the lesbian community?

But I'm not gay enough for y'all

and I'm not straight enough for them and that's

part of the dilemma, that's just a small piece of it.

- So what is it that we can change?

- I just said one thing.

I just said one thing you could change.

You could stop saying that

if a person has identified as bisexual,

if they're in a heterosexual relationship,

they're not heterosexual, they're still bisexual.

If they're in a gay relationship

that's homosexual, they're still bisexual.

They're just in a homosexual relationship.

They're with their same gender.

- I'm gonna say it a different way.

I don't like being called bisexual

because I don't like being called gay,

I like being called bisexual because I am bisexual.

(soft piano music)

- [Julianna] We've driven 1800 miles in two days.

That's more than 28 hours in an RV smashed together.

How do you feel? - We are pumped!

We've been reading about Otis. - Honestly, what is it like?

- Tired, frustrated, exhausted.

- It smells. - Please, not the lid.

Trying to cook with the pan sliding off one at a time.

- Did you bang your head on a cabinet?

- I did bang my head on a cabinet.

The sodas fell down on my hair.

- I can't even say it, I just want to take a shower.

- I do want to brush my teeth. - I want to brush my teeth.

- Come on, Chris.

- I wanna take a shower and get clean.

- I want like a nice bed. - 20 hours in an RV.

How do you feel?

How do you feel? - Exhausted.

I feel exhausted.

Mentally and physically and emotionally.

- I'm a hairdresser, I'm a wig stylist.

I work with film and TV, I don't organize rallies.

I don't bring people together.

But I knew I had to do something.

I honestly thought that I would start it

and then some big group or some organization

who does these things would be like "That's great."

And then they would take the ball from there

and they would finish playing the game out.

Sitting in HRC's office

in Washington D.C. for almost six hours.

They wouldn't even take the paperwork from me

and I thought okay, well you know, I have to prove it.

I have to prove more, I have to show more,

I have to do more and then they'll take me seriously.

They didn't, they never came.

They didn't show up, they didn't offer support.

They didn't share our information.

They were nowhere to be found but they also,

what was heartbreaking to me was

they didn't even organize their own events.

There were no marches, there were no rallies,

there were no protests after 49 LGBTQ people

of Latin or Hispanic descent were killed.

Where were these groups?

Where's all the money?

- [Narrator] The team travels to Memphis,

Tennessee to visit Duanna Johnson's murder site.

Duanna was a transgender woman

who was beaten by police officers while in custody.

Months later, she was found shot to death.

- Duanna Johnson was actually about to file

a Federal lawsuit against the Memphis Police Department.

- Dee, in fact she was.

I spoke with her attorney earlier today.

He says they were just a couple of weeks away

from filing a Federal lawsuit for Civil Rights violations.

- He hit me so hard, like the third time,

it split my skull and I had blood coming down.

- [Newswoman] This police video

shows Duanna Johnson in the booking area

at 201 Poplar after an arrest for prostitution.

You can clearly see the Memphis police officer

walk over and hit her in the face several times.

- I was scared to death, I was really scared.

- [Interviewer] Did it make you feel like less of a person?

- Yes, I didn't feel like I was a human being then.

Even the nurse came in and she just

ignored me and I begged her to help me.

Duanna Johnson was shot down

on the very street she often worked as a prostitute.

Memphis police say witnesses told them

they saw three young men walking away from the murder scene.

Few other clues are available tonight.

(anxious guitar tones)

- Outside of the tragedy and what took place,

the thing that really, really devastates

my entire being from the core is this is our reality.

As a black trans woman, I am three times

more likely to die this way because I'm black,

because I'm a woman and because I'm transgender.

It scares me because it could be me.

The fact that people think that we somehow

deserve what we get just because of our courage

to express who we are, we don't deserve that.

- The thing that I was reading is

she ended up in sex work, right?

- Right. - Even me when I came out,

I got demoted.

I had never gotten demoted before

and then it was harder to find work.

So that's that institutional oppression.

What happens when we can't get jobs,

the cops are in on it and we just face discrimination?

We end up in places like this.

- What really scares me is that even though this is

a desolate, remote space, people had to have seen it.

It makes me wonder how many people saw

what was taking place and turned a blind eye.

And so this is beyond community.

This is institutional, this is law enforcement.

This is government, they turned a blind eye.

- Didn't it say she was like

an activist or an advocate in the community?

- Basically she told her story at a national level and so--

- [Alexis] Oh right, about the police brutality.

- Right and for me,

I'm a media advocate and diversity speaker,

so to be honest, that happens in my line of work.

They want to silence you.

So it's like if you start speaking up

about the injustices, if you speak up

about equality and rights and if you speak up

in a way that humanizes us, you're a threat.

I think this is on my mind every time I leave the house.

Every time I go out to work.

Every time I go to a grocery store.

Any time I do anything that allows me

to be a part of my community, I always have

to bear in mind that this could easily be how I end my day.

- [Alexis] Yeah.

- I'm still very early in my transition

and there's not a lot of things that, I don't know,

there's things that I understand and that I know happen

but it's not until I'm standing in that space that,

I don't know, I just feel this whole nother sense

of fear and just kinda like what it must be like.

It's that journey from the head to the heart.

When I'm standing where this woman was murdered,

it's like I know that murders happen

but to stand in the spot where they found her,

I don't know, it brought up a lot of stuff for me.

- We want everybody to respect us

as the LGBT community and we want to fight

homophobia and transphobia but we can't fight that

on the outside until we address it within our very own

community and many times the black trans narrative

is overlooked and I'm sorry, when gay people

got the right to marry, they took their flags,

waved them and cheered and skipped

the fuck off while we were still struggling.

I have fought for the rights of all

of my gay brothers, sisters, transgendered,

lesbian, intersex, queer, doesn't matter.

- [Ashlee] You're amazing, Donato.

But that's not everybody's story.

- I think it's recognizing even though,

I deal with the same thing with misogyny.

because there's plenty of allies,

male allies who say "But I'm not a misogynist,

"so therefore it can't exist." - Yes.

- It exists, it's real and when a black

person's talking to me, I listen because I have

no fucking idea what their struggle is.

When a trans woman's talking to me, I listen

just as I hope that when I'm talking to a man

and explaining my struggle to them that they realize

that just because they might not personally think that

they're sexist that there is sexism and it's killing women.

- Yes, that does exist, I know but like with gay marriage,

I saw a lot of heterosexual people

being extremely vocal about gay marriage

and I wanted to take a moment

in my person and say "You know what, thank you.

"Thank you for being our allies, we need more."

I didn't want to disregard that.

- It's important that when we talk about white privilege,

Donato, when we talk about the gay privilege even

in the community, we're not attacking people's identities.

What we're saying is that you have a voice and a platform

that a more marginalized community is not going to have.

So we're asking you to help us

and we're asking for your support because we need you

and people are saying there's not that big of a difference,

it's downplaying and diminishing and erasing

the struggle that we're going through and so people

can't speak to what they're not acknowledging is there.

- And it really is acknowledging that privilege.

Acknowledging that this community is falling short

and acknowledging that we don't address these things.

- [Donato] But I would agree that if we were just--

- Hold on.

It's even that, you know, like oh, it's,

I think, I really lost my train of thought.

- [Donato] I'm sorry.

- I don't know, it's just one

of those things that it's easy to, it's like...

I don't know.

- And this is what happens. - Wait a minute.

I want to say something here, okay?

Whether it's right or wrong or not

but you were talking about the gay community.

You are a woman on fire, you are passionate

and you're one of the ones stepping up

to the front to make the changes.

But I'm gonna tell you what, being older,

I was there in the days when Anita Bryant

came out and was saying this shit

and she made us come out of the closet

and back in those days, we were where you were.

We had to hide, we had secret codes and shit like that.

You didn't come out to nobody.

I mean I got brought up on charges

for being a homosexual, I got read

my Miranda Rights because they thought I was gay.

So we have fought all that way but let us fight with you

because we're not against you and I love what you preach

and you enlighten me and you enlighten other people.

- But don't say "we" Dusty, don't say "we."

Say "you" because the reality is

that to be quite honest with you,

your school when you were going through

everything that you went through, you get it.

I'm talking about the people that came in

and benefited off of the struggles that you went through.

- Can I ask?

What would you like to see happen

and how can we help support that?

- Believe us when we tell you about

our experience because it's our lived experience.

- Right. - Don't question it,

don't discredit it.

Like Dusty and several other people said, listen.

Sometimes it doesn't require an answer.

The best way to be an ally sometimes

is just to stand with us and just to listen.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

We've got flooding in the bathroom.

There's water coming up from the bathroom.

Okay, all right.

We had a lot of problems with the RV.

The first thing that happened,

I was shooting up in the top bunk

looking down and all this water started pouring down.

Water from the toilet was overflowing.

- That's pee water. - Oh, god.

(groaning)

- It's just water. - Nuh-uh, there's pee in it.

- [Julianna] And then Dusty had an accident.

(glass shattering) - What was that?

- Did we hit something? - Sounded like glass broke.

- [Chris] Oh, fuck.

The mirror hit a vehicle.

- We should pull over.

- I thought we got shot at. - Me too.

- [Rachel] I was like that's how this trip ends, great.

- [Julianna] Turns out she hit a truck,

so I had to work things out with

the other driver before we could continue.

- It was out so far 'cause I misjudged it I guess.

- But the worst was when the generator

broke and we couldn't get the AC to work.

That was when we were in the middle

of the dog day summers of Memphis, Tennessee.

Everyone was like we're dying in that RV.

It is so hot, it feels like a coffin.

That's when we had to stop everything

and I had to find somebody to help us.

There were no RV mechanics.

It's a different thing than a regular mechanic.

I mean when you call and say "Yeah, I've got an RV,"

they're like "We don't deal with RVs."

So I'd called so many places and then

finally this guy who answered me sounded like

(imitating foreign language).

I'm like "Listen, you're the only guy

"that's picked up that can handle this, where are you?"

And that was like two to six hours out of our way.

Four hours in that RV is like eight hours

and I couldn't imagine them wilting in that RV to get there,

let alone we'll never make it to the rally.

So I'm listening to this guy,

it wasn't really a big deal other than

the fact that I couldn't understand him.

But I'm just like pushing buttons

and attach this thing to this other thing

and I was talking to him on the phone

and I was like "Yeah" and then I started it,

it didn't work and then I did it again and it was fine.

(cheering)

- [Dusty] Celebrate our victory with

a good old fashioned Tennessee barbecue dance party.

- Sometimes the nearest exit may be fine.

(laughing)

(chattering)

- Mm, so good.

- This is living.

(up tempo electronic dance music)

- I think one of the hardest things about

trying to do all of this is

the people who lie, misspeak, misrepresent.

We had one of the larger GVP groups talk to us.

Their rep was sitting here in my house.

He actually sat at my table

and told me nothing but fucking lies.

Multiple lies about funding,

wealthy sponsors who will donate and cover costs of things.

How they could get celebrities to help with this.

They have this experience, they've done this before.

They're the largest GVP group,

they've been around the longest, they know everyone.

There is no money, there's no support, there's no backing.

Now I not only have to focus on

making the rally a reality but I also

now have to figure out how to pay for it.

I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

I don't know if people realize

when you fuck someone over that huge

that you affect thousands upon thousands of people

who put their hope, their faith in something.

Who believed in something when

they had nothing but tears after Orlando.

For a lot of people, this was it, this was all they had.

This was a chance to be seen, to be heard,

to be represented and for what?

(relaxed guitar music)

- [Narrator] The team arrives in Roanoke,

Virginia where they visit the Back Street Cafe.

In 2000, it was the site of a shooting

that targeted the LGBTQ community.

- Back in the 80s when I was coming out,

we found bars as a safe place for ourselves.

- Absolutely.

- We would go meet other gays,

lesbians and transgendered and bisexual

people there and this was a safe place for us.

This was a place for us to commune

and this is kind of a religious area and this bar

was probably a safe place for many, many people.

- It was the only place that they could go

get to be themselves, mingle with like-minded people

'cause they couldn't go hug and kiss in another

restaurant downtown and yes, it's very religious

because 45 minutes east of us in Lynchburg

is the beginning of the Bible Belt.

- That day

when Ronald Gay

came in here.

- [Deanna] Yes.

- [Donato] And pulled out his gun

and shot these innocent people here.

- Yes.

- The news later reported that he was

supposedly doing the work of God.

- He was frustrated and sick of his last name,

being ridiculed for it his whole life

and was gonna go out and in his words,

go find faggots, go shoot queers

and actually came downtown,

there was the doorman at Corned Beef,

asked the doorman "Where is the gay bar?

"I wanna go shoot some faggots."

The doorman tells him about the park.

So on his way to the park, which is four blocks that way,

he came in to buy a beer, realized what kind

of bar it was and opened fire and in the beginning,

the story was that he hated his name

and that's why he did it, so go out and shoot gay people

and then during the court proceedings,

then it was voices in his head telling him to do it.

He was able to avoid the death sentence

but he did get consecutive life terms

without the possibility of parole

and I guess it's technically Roanoke's first hate crime,

which I find hard to believe, it's the South, okay, hello?

I'm sure there was a lot more hate crimes

going on up here than get reported, okay?

But I mean of course it was big news

and of course I had insane sympathy

because my whole life, nobody knew who I really was.

- Right.

- When I did become myself, I wound up

actually dating the second-most critically injured here.

So yes, Danny died.

My boyfriend was John, the one sitting

right next to him who took it in the stomach.

He has over six feet of plastic intestines

and the other five people shot in the butt,

shot in the hand, had their neck grazed

and of course every five years, we hold

a memorial if you will or a slight vigil.

I don't want it to be constantly harped on

and have a shadow that's over the bar because of it

but it also shouldn't be forgotten.

- Right. - Right.

(soft guitar music)

- Has the fact that you were

LGBTQ

ever make any of you feel suicidal?

Anybody?

- I knew I was trans since I was a little kid

and then I didn't, I never thought that I could transition.

So I just tried to live my life in a cisnormative way

and it led to me doing drugs and alcohol

and acting out in all sorts of other ways

and eventually even that, I hit a wall

where I just couldn't do it anymore

and I'd just mix massive amounts of alcohol

and Benzo's and just keep going 'til I blacked out.

My thing was I'm gonna black out, I won't remember

and then it'll pass and then it'll just be over.

I'm really lucky that I'm still around, to be honest.

I finally got to a point where

it was like okay, transition or die.

- You just want the pain to go away

and you do whatever it takes

and alcohol came first and I was like great,

it's there, I'll just black out every night.

I think I blacked out every night

for like at least seven years, at least.

Until I got to the point where I was like I'm done,

I'm just done.

- I had a couple of suicide attempts

where I kinda of wanted to grab people's attention

but one time I literally meant business

and I remember taking some of the psych meds

that they prescribed me and I took half the bottle

and I remember being in that moment where

it was like oh my god, I think I messed up,

I don't wanna die and I remember just praying

that if you just give me one more chance

and let me live through this, I promise

I'm gonna be myself and I'm not gonna be apologetic

for it anymore and so that was the beginning for me.

- It had been just like beat into me

that I was unlovable and so when I was 16,

I attempted suicide and unlike you,

like I woke up and I was mad

and I took more pills

and then they found me later and something

that's weird about the whole gun thing is that even,

I mean for me every time I've tried to commit suicide,

it was through pills 'cause there's a waiting,

it's not instant but with a gun,

if I had that at my disposal,

it's like this pain, this pain, over.

- When I first started connecting with the LGBT community,

it was through the internet and I really

couldn't imagine what it would've been like

if I wouldn't have had the internet.

My question really is for the people

that were before us who didn't have those spaces.

I mean like Chris.

(laughing)

- Back on the prairie before we had TV.

Is that what you're trying to say?

No go ahead, finish your question.

- No, the question is for you.

If we're going through this much pain

and discomfort and sense of alienation from society,

I mean I really want to hear what

your experience would've been like at that time

not having this dialogue, not having this conversation,

not having the safe space to start that discussion.

- For me, it's kinda interesting.

I think very early on I became

very adept at how to live all these different identities.

It's like growing up in the 60s and 70s,

there weren't any out gay characters.

There was Paul Lynde on "Bewitched."

There was Alice who we thought in "Brady Bunch."

There was very few characters that you really saw,

there was no one that was out definitely as gay and lesbian.

I didn't even dance with another man

until we were at a trip to South Carolina

and then this guy who I was with from another school,

he was like "We're gonna find the bar."

So we had to go to the adult bookstore

and then make conversation with the guy

behind the desk who might kinda know

and then he gave us directions to this place

and you still had to kinda figure out which

because the windows were all black.

- It's like a gay scavenger hunt.

- [Chris] Yes, totally.

- But I'm curious, were there like (laughs),

were there like go-to gay bars that you guys went?

Was that how you connected did you think was through--

- [Ashlee] Well no, they would just leave

bread crumbs along the path and then--

(laughing)

- [Rachel] Just follow your bread crumbs,

is that what you're saying?

(laughing)

- Do I need to read this?

- I got it.

- Okay, it's been a roller coaster.

I definitely would not suggest organizing

a national rally for your first foray

into grassroots activism, for the weak of heart.

We are almost there.

In less than two weeks,

we have raised almost all the funding to pay for the stage,

the porta-potties, the water, the ice,

the paramedics that are required.

Thanks to George Takei, after the Orlando shootings,

he founded a group called One Pulse For America

online on social media and when he heard

what was happening with our rally and that

it was now in jeopardy because of funding,

George tweeted out for us as well as reached out

to all of the hundreds of thousands of members

in the group and asked them to skip coffee

for just one or two days and donate

five or $10 to us

and

we are almost there.

That literally is a grassroots organization

for the people being paid for by the people.

I think it's pretty incredible.

- I'm really irritated with what you said, Alexis.

- [Alexis] Okay.

- When you were talking about your friend

and you were talking about the struggles

that she went through, you were like "Yeah,

"well she basically doesn't get that many opportunities

"because she's six foot two and she's built."

I'm six foot two and I think I'm a bad bitch

and I've done a whole lot of things

and I've made a huge contribution

to my community and I'm very passable.

I look better than some people's mothers and

that doesn't necessarily define my womanhood

but what you did subconsciously is you perpetuated

the thing that we have in our community

where you can look at somebody and define

somebody's womanhood by their physical attributes.

- But you've done the same thing to me.

- [Ashlee] How have I did that to you?

Let's have a conversation.

- I mean sometimes we don't gel,

sometimes I say things, sometimes you say things.

But I try to not hold onto anything

because I really have wanted to start

a dialogue but I just don't find it possible sometimes

and that's okay, like I said, I still love and support you.

- Do you know why we don't gel?

Because girls like you who say the things

that you say are what fragments our community

and so now we have girls out here getting

ass shots in Mexico, putting silicon in their body,

stopping their hearts and all kinda stuff

because they're trying to have a pissing content

with the next girl to be more woman instead

of supporting one another, uplifting one another

and saying "You know what, you may not

"have this going on but you're beautiful.

"You're perfect just the way you are."

And that's what I am, six foot two,

200 and whatever pounds, I'm still a woman.

- Ashlee almost didn't come on the trip with us.

Before we left, she got into an argument

with my producer and said some not nice things.

So I called Ashlee right away

and Ashlee was just yelling at me and I got really worried.

I told her I think it's a good idea

if she stayed home just because that volatile

nature makes me incredibly nervous on the road.

She was angry but she was polite

and she took it like a pro from then on.

Then I started getting the phone

calls from the other cast members.

A lot of people were worried that

when we miss the black trans voice,

we miss a crucial part of the discussion.

- I had been uncomfortable with

the decision that Ashlee's not going with us

because I feel like if we kept fuckin' eating each other,

how do we expect to go out into the world, you know?

- I just come from not being heard,

I come from being discarded.

I come from people within our community

not supporting trans people and so I wear that.

- Alexis came forward and said

"I'm uncomfortable with people being confrontational.

"I don't like rage" and we just talked

for hours and Joey at one point is like

"Well if Ashlee isn't going, I'm not going."

And I'm like great, Joey.

And then I looked at Ashlee and said "Do you wanna go?"

And she goes "Yes" and I go "Are we gonna be all right?"

And she goes "Yes."

I realized I wasn't hearing her.

I needed to listen, so I apologized.

- Sometimes when I am around you and I try

to have conversations, I feel you're threatened by me.

I do, just like when we were deciding

on whether I should come or not 'cause

I felt like you wanted to be the only trans representation.

That's what I felt, whether that's your truth or not,

I'm letting you know that I've been

in the game long enough to see it and recognize the game.

- It wasn't because I wanted to be the only trans girl.

That's a lot on my shoulders and I think

you're better at telling the narrative than I am.

I did it because there was

questions about anger and rage-aholics.

It's got nothing to do with trans,

it's got nothing to do with race,

it's not nothing to do with height, size, nothing.

It has to do with rage and the place

that that has in my life and trauma

and the fact that it can put me back

into PTSD in a second and I just cease to function.

Earlier today I said "I don't think I'm capable of filming

"because I have been completely emotionally shut down."

- I saw that something wasn't okay

and irregardless of the LGBT community,

I would feel more connected to you than anybody else

on this RV because we have a shared lived experience.

So if I did wrong to you, I apologize, Alexis.

But I wasn't trying to bring all that up.

I was just letting you know that when

you said that part of our struggle is--

- No, I feel bad about saying it.

- It made me feel horrible. - Now that you pointed it out.

- It reminded me of how people used to treat me

and try to make me feel like I wasn't

woman enough because I wasn't five foot four.

- Yeah, I feel, like I said, I apologize.

I was talking about my best friend and that's--

- [Ashlee] Gimme a hug, girl, we still friends, girl.

There ain't no shade. - I think we're just tired.

- [Narrator] After traveling all night,

the team is in Pennsylvania where

they meet Allison Rae Barnhardt, co-founder

of the Pittsburgh chapter of the Pink Pistols.

- No, actually I did see you. - Yeah, hi.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- [Julianna] Everybody settled, quiet on the set.

- Camera's rolling. - And action.

- Will you tell me a little bit about

the organization you're a part of, the Pink Pistols?

- Okay, I can give you a little background on us too.

The Pink Pistols originally was founded

back in the early 90s as a response

to the rise in violence against the LGBT community

and the Pittsburgh chapter was reactivated

right after Orlando, it was the Sunday after the shootings

and our main mission purpose is to teach

responsibility in arms ownership and safety.

(gunshots booming)

- Have you always been interested in firearms?

- Yeah, I grew up with a country family.

- Okay.

- My people were all from rural southwestern Pennsylvania.

- So you learned to shoot at a pretty young age?

- Yeah, so I've been around guns all my life.

I did bring a couple pieces from my collection.

Now one of these is a rifle I restored.

It was basically kind of a basket case.

I bought it at a gun show.

This is a cap and ball pistol. - How old is that?

- [Allison] This is actually a reproduction

of an old Army Colt, this is Civil War era.

- What's the rifle?

- The rifle, this is a World War II battle rifle.

- Wow. - This is actually British.

- Is that an orig?

- This is an original.

- I didn't know if it was a reproduction.

- It's an orig.

- This was manufactured in Great Britain

in 1943 and this fought in World War II.

- How do you feel about the California gun laws?

- I think they're a little overkill.

I mean the gun laws in this country,

they need some attention, I'm not gonna deny that.

I don't know a real good compromise solution.

They need to start enforcing things better.

- What do you think is something that needs to be enforced?

- Background checks.

I mean like the shooter in Orlando.

- Okay.

- He was under investigation by the FBI.

- And he was a domestic abuser.

- Exactly. - As far as I understand.

- Yeah, exactly and he was still able to buy

a 223 caliber rifle.

- There are some people who would say

"I don't want any guns at all, no more guns."

Obviously you're a firearm enthusiast,

you don't believe that. - Right.

- What do you think would happen if there weren't any guns?

- All you have to do is really

look at history to find that out.

One of the most contemptuous examples

everybody is familiar with is Nazi Germany.

One of the first things Hitler did

when he rose to power was he outlawed

certain groups from being able to obtain firearms.

One of them was the Jews.

If 1/4 of the Jewish people had been armed,

do you think there would've been a Holocaust?

That's a very deep question to think about.

- Can you show us your personal gun, Ali?

- One second. - It's not loaded, is it?

- [Allison] Actually it won't be in a second.

(laughing) (clapping)

- You might wanna back up. - I know.

I love she keeps it real.

- Awesome. (gun cocks)

- [Chris] Go girl.

Policewoman.

- What kind is that? - That's so cute.

- This is actually a surplus

former Communist Bloc Polish Makarov.

- And why do you choose that type of gun for yourself?

- It's small, easily concealed and if

it gets stolen, I don't have a lot invested in this.

(laughing)

- If you're a Pink Pistol, do you have to wear pink?

- Not necessarily, I just like this dress.

Come in, there you go.

- [Becca] Good, no?

- [Julianna] They said I had to enter first.

- [Becca] Okay, holding now for room tone.

- [Julianna] Yep, be about one minute, I'll let you know.

- [Becca] One minute.

- [Julianna] Okay, and rolling.

(relaxed electronic music)

(birds chirping)

- [Narrator] The team hikes

the mountain trails of Shippenburg, Pennsylvania.

These trails are tainted with the blood of another shooting.

- So we brought you guys out here

on a hike not just to go for a hike.

We brought you out here because

we want to share a story with you

and that's what me and my lesbian partner's gonna do.

Well she's not my partner but--

- Partner in crime.

- Yeah, partner in crime.

- So we brought you out here to tell you

the story of a couple girls, lesbians that came out here.

Rebecca Wight was only 28.

Claudia Brenner was 31.

Rebecca was getting her masters and going to school.

They met at Virginia Tech.

These were two bright, educated, beautiful girls.

So they would meet at a specific spot

and then they'd have some time together.

So this time around, they were gonna do

the Rocky Mountain Trail and the trail that

we just walked is the trail that they walked.

This is the campfire that they sat at.

What they didn't know was that

Stephen Roy Carr was watching them the entire time.

Then one night after they were hiking

and making love and just being beautiful in the woods,

didn't bother a soul, no one was

supposed to be watching them like that

and he set up shop across the creek with his shotgun.

(gunshot booms)

And he just shot them.

He shot Claudia in the neck twice.

He shot her in the cheek, her teeth were shattered.

She could hardly speak, she had a shot to the head

as well and then Rebecca gets hit in the back

of the head as well as her back and the reason

she died is 'cause it hit her liver.

Claudia had to hike four miles out

with all these gunshots before she could

get some help and then go back and get her girlfriend.

Think about it, you're in the woods

with your love and you're happy and you think

you're in this safe, beautiful environment

and you're making a good memory

and instead, it becomes a nightmare.

- I think this is a perfect example too

of a gun in the wrong hands.

I know it was 1988 but still like I don't know,

obviously he was not mentally stable

to attack two women unarmed but

had he just come up to them without a weapon,

maybe they would've had a chance.

- I agree with you.

Is there a way to keep those guns from being in the hands

of somebody who's gonna commit an act like this?

I don't know but I do know that we have to make

the law so it's more difficult for people

that might be that unstable to get those guns.

- He claimed he was shooting at deer,

he thought they were deer, by the way.

- He said that but he also said later on

that he killed them because they were gay.

- Finally, yeah. - Yeah.

He finally came out and said

"I killed 'em because they were gay and they

"were sinners," something like that, I think he said.

- He was offended.

- Yeah, he was offended by their gayness.

- Just think about the kind of hatred

that lives behind him stalking humans

to hunt them because he hates them.

I mean that's absolutely,

I can't even get my mind around that.

- Yes, it's hate and yes, it's gun control

because you can't really solve one without the other.

But if we could start by just reforming

and controlling our background checks

so that we make sure that guns

don't so easily get into the wrong hands,

then maybe we can start addressing hate

because I think that's gonna be a longer process.

Hate has been around for a really long time

and it's so deep and it's so fear-based.

- We need to study this, we need to know

what it is 'cause it's always behind the guns, you know?

What were some of the facts?

That I think there are 300 million guns.

- But let me say this, I know they were killed

with a gun because a gun is what he had.

But at the same time, as a lesbian,

as a gay woman and some of the experiences I've had,

a lot of it or part of it, and I can't say what's

in his mind, is that he did not like the fact

that these were two women who were in love.

- These are all debatable issues.

We can go back and forth because people

have opinions and people have religions

and people have all of these things but

the simple fact is that when anyone

tries to change a law, with the NRA,

they scream "The Constitution" and "The Second Amendment"

and okay, yeah, we're not saying that you

can't bear arms but why can't we study gun violence?

We just want to know why so many people

are out there doing this with guns.

We just want some answers.

- Can we just take a moment, though?

We go with the facts and we do all the stuff,

we just keep talking and talking and talking

about I think this and I think that.

Can we just take a moment to remind ourselves like

our love is always compromised first.

(somber guitar, violin music)

- Rebecca died but Claudia has to deal with it

every single day and that's what today was about for me.

To go and to honor what her experience was

and experience a little bit of what maybe she went through.

The drive that she must've had to keep going

and I think she kept going 'cause

she thought she could still save her lover.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that because I thought

it was more about the loss and not the laws today.

- Okay, you have no idea what's going on, do you?

- He was asleep for last night.

- So you don't know what happened last night in casa de RV?

- No, I am just-- - She was up here for awhile.

- I am a tight-lipped friend.

- Ooh.

- The second that I met her,

the first moment that I laid eyes on her,

I was like oh my god, she's so beautiful.

I was instantly attracted.

We spend all this time together

and we have these really intimate conversations.

We just kept getting closer and closer and closer.

The day that we hiked the Appalachian Trail,

we get to the RV and the battery is dead.

The crew takes off to go solve

this thing and we're left there.

- It was beautiful out and I know she likes to walk.

So I was like "Well, let's go take a walk."

And we did and it started drizzling and raining.

It was just a really beautiful moment

and I was like this is a great person to share it with.

(relaxed guitar music)

- I hadn't felt that connected

to somebody through my entire transition.

It was just something that

was so new and it felt really special.

I had needed a break and I was like

"I think I'm gonna go sleep up in the upstairs area."

- She was like "Yeah, fine."

And then she crawls up there.

I don't know who initiated it.

I think we just looked at each other and we knew

and we just started to kiss and it was fantastic.

I felt so bad 'cause there was

a cast and a crew member upstairs sleeping

and I had this moment in my mind where

I was like this is a really bad idea but

I don't care right now, I'm just gonna go for it

'cause this is too great to make it stop.

The next time we stopped,

we shared a hotel room and it was amazing.

- It's definitely not a right time

in my life per se, just getting out of a relationship

but I wasn't willing to say no just because of that

and I wasn't willing to say no just because

it was an experience with a type of person

that I wasn't experienced with or even

knew much about before the trip at all.

- I don't know that I'll have gender-confirming surgery.

I don't know that I'll be able to have a vaginoplasty.

There's a ton of physical things

that keep me from having it.

There's a ton of just emotional reasons

that it's a really difficult, traumatic surgery

and I don't know that I'll end up having it

and so I've struggled to find value as a partner

because it's like straight guys wouldn't want me

because I don't have, like I have my current genitals.

Gay guys don't want me because I'm feminine.

For me, it's always been this really awful

source of I'll never be able to find somebody

because I'll never find somebody who accepts

this odd combination that I happen to have.

The last three days have been really enjoyable,

that's all I have to say and I don't know

that I could have made it on this trip,

not only just without her but without

everyone else too and some of the kindred spirits.

- [Chris] But you didn't show

anyone else that same appreciation.

- Well, sorry, everyone else isn't that attractive.

- Whoa.

- Bad, bad, bad.

- Nine left LA but only eight of 'em make it back.

I cannot believe you said that.

- This is like this RV, uncut. - Yes.

- All right. (cheering)

- [Chris] Yeah, girl.

- I wanna make sure

that everything I used to get to this point

I have when I get to D.C.

So that it's all right there when I need it if I need it.

When you try to control so much of the process,

at some point you kinda just have to let it go

because I've done everything I can do, you know?

I called everybody, I invited everybody.

If it rains, I can't change that.

If the permit gets pulled, there's nothing I can do.

If people don't show up, I'm still gonna talk.

I think I'm so tired that

I don't realize I should be afraid.

But I mean at least I did something.

At the end of the say, I did something.

This is everything you need to organize a national rally.

This, some sharpies, a Post-It and a laminator

and I think you have everything you need to do it.

(chuckles)

We're off to D.C.

It's now or never.

We'll see you in Washington, guys.

(relaxed rock music)

- I was working as a manager at a fast food place.

So I'm talking to my manager and I'm

like "I've come to the conclusion that I,"

and she stops me and she's like "Stop, stop, stop.

"I think I know what you're gonna say

"and I don't want you to say it."

She never let the words transgender

or transition leave my mouth.

Every time I tried to say it,

she would just shut me down and be like "Yeah, I'm sorry."

I was an assistant manager.

I was working five to six days a week, 30 to 40 hours

and three days after that, they sat me down

and they said "We think you have a lot on your plate

"right now, so we're just gonna put you in a cashier role

"for a little bit and put you in the back."

So they moved me to the back of the store.

- [Rusty] Moved to the back where people couldn't see you.

- Yeah, I went to the back where people

couldn't see me and they took me down to one day a week.

- I met my first boyfriend

and I decided I wanted to date him and

my mom was super protective,

she had to know where we were.

Even though she was like "Do whatever you want.

"Here, have some acid, whatever."

She wanted to know that we were safe.

"Come home, I need to know where you are."

And so I was like I can't date this guy without

telling her.

So,

I told her and she was like

"Well, there's just one thing that has to happen.

"I have to meet him."

- I told my mother.

She said there was something wrong with me.

That I need to come home and see a doctor.

I said "There ain't nothing wrong with me."

I said "That's just who I am."

I didn't understand why people wanted

to make me feel bad about who you were.

I didn't have a problem with it

but other people seemed to have a problem it.

Anyway, my mother never let me come back home.

I never came back home.

- I had met this boy

at a gay bar downtown

that we had heard of, I wasn't even old enough

to get in there but we would go down there.

I kissed him in the parking lot

and then I found out he lived two hours away from me.

So I got his address, he got my address.

Every day, I would write a letter to him.

I went upstairs to talk to my mom

about registering for college and I was

like "Hey mom, blah blah blah, this is what's going on."

And she was standing there washing dishes

with her back to me and when I got to

the top of the stairs, and she didn't turn around.

So I went downstairs and I said to my dad,

I was like "Dad, what's going on with mom?"

He was like "Come here and sit down for a second."

So I went and sat down next to him

and he said "Your mother found some letters today."

He said "I have nothing against gay people

"and gay people have never done anything wrong to me.

"But I must act by your mother's wishes

"and she wants you to leave the house."

And it got really, really dark.

I was in my room and I just felt,

I've never felt this again like I felt that night.

It's still a little hard to talk about.

(somber piano music)

(Donato weeping)

- I gave my parents a trip for their anniversary.

"Go anywhere you want in the country."

They decided they wanted to come visit me in Chicago.

So all right, then the weekend they pick

is Gay Pride weekend, unbeknownst to them

and also I was in this gay bowling tournament.

So they were like "Okay, we're gonna come watch you bowl."

So my friends were telling me,

"Did you tell 'em what kind of tournament this is?"

And I was like "No" and it's like

"Well, they'll find out when they get there" and my friends

are like "You should tell them before they come."

So I was like oh, Lord.

So I picked 'em up from the airport

and it's like okay, I should probably tell them.

So I told my mother, I said

"It's kind of a gay bowling tournament"

and she's like "Well why are you in it?"

And it's like "Because I'm kinda gay."

And so I did, so this started

the conversation of "Don't tell your father."

So the next day I was taking them to a Cubs game

in Chicago and she wrote me a letter and (sniffling)

the one thing that they didn't know

was that at the age of 21, I became HIV positive.

So that was in '85, so I was also afraid

to tell them that because I was afraid of their rejection.

So she didn't know I was positive but

what she said in this letter was

she didn't want me to come home

if I ever got sick

and to just kinda like not tell anybody.

Eventually things got better.

So then it took me like five or six years

to tell 'em about the HIV and they were okay

with that but I think that's why for the longest time,

I felt very alone and that's why I turned

to sex for validation and eventually drugs

and that kinda thing because I did feel

that there was inherently something wrong with me.

(somber guitar music)

- I come from a family that's a mixed bag.

Some have evolved into very loving people

who don't have a racist bone in their body.

But there's a large chunk of my family

that is both racist and bigoted

and that didn't exclude my stepdad

and he was very vocal about the fact that

his new white son was a faggot.

He would always use

the word fag or faggot

whenever he disciplined me and I think the most,

this was probably the hardest experience actually.

It's having,

having somebody that you trust,

somebody in a position to take care

of you actually hold a gun to your head

and say that you deserved to die

because of who you love basically.

And I was a kid, I was between nine and 11.

I can't remember exactly when it all went down but

no kid should be told that by somebody

that's supposed to be caring for them ever.

It doesn't stop there because it went on to religious abuse.

I went into foster care later on in life

and though my foster father provided for me in every way,

like feed me, making sure I had a roof,

I was constantly told how I was going to hell

and how there was no place in heaven for me

unless I fixed that part of me that was wrong.

So my home was never safe.

(somber piano music)

- [Narrator] With the Disarm Hate rally tomorrow,

the team has made it to Washington D.C.

four days after they left Los Angeles.

- What do you do when you've never done something before?

Something that seems insurmountable,

something that is so foreign and huge and frightening

but you know deep down inside you have to do it?

There's no other option, no one else is doing it

and now I have all these people here,

arriving here before the sun came up today

and watching them put the stage where I wanted it

and the banners going up and hearing the generators turn on.

I mean something as simple as

seeing a row of port-a-potties made me cry.

- That's Potomac Park.

- Here we are.

(relaxed electronic music)

- [Narrator] Jason's Disarm Hate rally brings

together a wide range of support from LGBTQ communities.

The team meets with other activists

and other special interest groups.

- I'm gonna give you a good tour.

I am a co-founder of Gays Against Guns.

- And how did it sort of come about for you?

- Orlando happened and then we were on Facebook

like we are always on Facebook after some Orlando happens.

So I was like "Let's start a group."

So it just sort of happened like that.

It was like a catchy-- - It was a GAG.

- It was a GAG, girl.

A lot of times people, journalists

want to talk about our interaction with

the Pink Pistols and the truth is I get it.

I totally get it but it doesn't work.

First of all, the math doesn't work.

If you look at the statistics,

you're two and 1/2 to 5 and 1/2 times

more likely to be shot if you're in an altercation

with someone else with a gun if you have a gun.

So that's, just math and logic

tell you it doesn't actually work to protect you,

it makes you more vulnerable to being shot.

- So talk about how it's an action organization.

- We're a direct action-oriented organization

and the reason is because many of the people

involved with Gays Against Guns come from

the tradition of Act Up and Queer Nation.

- [Protesters] Hey, hey, NRA,

how many kids get killed today?

- I feel like the place where

the gays always won is culture.

So that's what we're going to use.

We're gonna use theatricality and we're gonna

use humor and we're gonna use fucking glitter

and vogueing and whatever the fuck, you know what I mean?

We're gonna use all of the tools in our gay tool bag

to work against this insane, insane problem.

- People are, you know,

"Second Amendment, you can't take away my rights."

I don't want my rights taken away as a gay man,

so I hear someone who says "You can't take my gun."

I understand that and I don't want

to take your gun but I want to make it safe.

- I've been sort of making it my personal mission

to engage with those people on social media

in a public forum where everyone can read

the conversation and say "Listen, I know

"that you believe this but here are the facts."

And I'm not trying to really

convince that person that I'm talking to,

I'm trying to convince everybody else

that's been reading the thread because

if you see what they say, they're coming

from a place of hate and we're coming

from a place really ultimately of compassion

and they accuse us of being cowards

but the real cowardly act is to hide behind the gun.

The real courage is to go out there

and face everybody without the gun.

(applauding)

- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

I wanna introduce your host,

the founder of Disarm Hate 2016,

give it up for Mr. Jason Hayes.

- Everyone kept asking me what do LGBTQ

equal rights and gun law reform have to do with each other?

I used to just say a lot.

43,000, do you know what that number is?

It's the estimated number of hate crimes

against LGBTQ people between the years

of 2010 and 2014 that involved a gun.

Now tell me again why those two issues don't go together?

We must celebrate August 13th as the day

that we stood up and not look behind us

to the days that they fell down.

I'm passing the torch to you

and begging you to not let the flame go out.

Sandy Hook, Alta Vista, Columbine,

Orlando, Dallas, the list goes on and on.

Don't let them become yesterday's

headlines because it happened again.

That's your choice to make, thank you.

(crowd cheering)

- Disarm Hate.

What is it and how does one do that?

- I think it's a multi-tiered approach

if you're truly looking to disarm hate

and I think we addressed the first step today

and I think that's admitting that we actually

have an anger problem in this country.

I think we have to kind of step back

and we owe each other an apology, all of us.

Walking around as a white gay man, I'm not gonna

stand here in denial that white privilege exists.

That male privilege over females exists.

That straight over gay people, their privilege exists.

We've kind of created this environment

but I don't think it was created by us.

It was created by other people

so they could kind of control us.

- My daughter was gunned down with nine other people

and I do show a photo of what my daughter looked like

after she was hit with an assault rifle, an AK-47.

She was shot in the head at close range,

also in the shoulder, it's not a pretty picture

but that's the reality of what gun violence is.

There is no it's a black thing, it's a white thing,

it's a poor thing, it's an inner cit thing,

it's a gang thing, this is a human thing.

This is an American thing. (crowd cheering)

- When Christopher was born, I was a Michigan State Trooper.

When I went into labor,

the hospital placed my off duty gun in a locked safe

and I didn't even think of objecting because

I know that common sense gun policies save lives.

Where were those policies the day my son was murdered?

- So for those who want to get involved,

what would you suggest?

What would be the best course of action

for them to take if they know that there's

a problem but they don't know where to start?

- I think the first thing we have

to start doing in this country is speaking up.

You might see something posted

or you might be sitting with your co-worker,

something as simple as that.

You're sitting with your co-workers

and you hear them say something racial,

something homophobic, something Islamophobic

and you roll your eyes and you

get mad but you don't say anything.

You're like oh, it's not not worth the fight.

It is worth the fight because they are

putting that out there and by you not stopping it,

you're actually adding your energy to that

and if you truly are looking to change

what is happening politically and why

these issues are not being addressed,

I think the first thing you need

to do is get your ass out and vote.

- After the devastating shootings in Orlando,

my Democratic colleagues and I held a sit-in

on the House floor demanding action on gun safety.

We did it because like you, we are fed up with inaction.

The person who killed 49 Americans in Orlando

committed horrible acts of violence against his ex-wife.

He was investigated as a potential terrorist by the FBI.

He was in virtually every respect the last person

that we would want to have access to legally buy a gun

and yet, he went into a gun store and legally purchased

an assault weapon, a Glock and huge amount of ammunition.

Now he didn't violate any laws in the purchase

of these weapons because our laws are not good enough.

- It was an amazing day.

There were a lot of great speakers

and moments of inspiration and in the spirit

of community, love, joy and celebration,

I wanted to continue to build on that.

So I saw that there were a group of law

enforcement individuals that were by one of the gates

and I thanked them for being there and sharing that moment

with us and I asked if we could take a picture together

and

I had probably some of the most

disgusting looks that I've ever had in my life.

Two of the gentlemen kind of stepped back

as they were shaking their head no before

I could even finish my thought or what I was asking.

(weeping)

I swear people are just shit sometimes.

Like it really made me so upset.

- It was mostly Puerto Ricans that died in Orlando.

We had Mexicans, we had Central Americans,

we had black people that died.

We had undocumented people that died

and their families couldn't come to the burial.

When we talk about gun violence,

that affects communities of color.

It affects black people, it affects Latinos.

So we need to center those people as well.

- There was that coalition

of queer Latina-Latino LGBT people.

It was great because it really helped me

kinda piece together a little more of my own narrative

and how it fits in with everything else here.

- Before I came, I wasn't too sure

about the progress we can make but

the speakers were very inspiring and gave me hope.

It inspires me too, looking up and seeing

that Monument and all the history that's here

and all the things that changed because people came,

they spoke up and came to

Washington D.C. and said "You know what?

"We're not gonna accept this, it's unacceptable."

- It's time to Disarm Hate,

Disarm Hate,

Disarm Hate!

Thank you.

- [Asher] We embarked on this journey

because we were tired of the silence,

wanted to stir the pot of apathy

and really speak for our community.

The African proverb goes,

"When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion."

- As far as the overall turnout of the rally,

I'm just really amazed at how many allies were there.

There were college students and people

that were heterosexual and married couples and children.

When I see people that don't look like me,

that don't talk like me, that don't share

the same lived experience as me stand

for my rights and

they are advocating for me

to be able to occupy space and live authentically,

that means that we're getting really close

to change and to truly ending the vicious cycle of hate.

(relaxed piano music)

- [Julianna] I cannot believe we made it.

- [Rusty] I'm so happy we got here.

- On this journey we learned firsthand

how disproportionately LGBTQs are affected by gun violence.

The most important thing is that

vulnerable members of our community are safe.

They need our help in creating meaningful gun reform.

- I know, it looks good.

- Let's balance that. - Yeah, balance it.

- [Everyone] One, two three, Disarm Hate!

(cheering)

- A family was created today.

I brought together people who would never have met.

We changed how people see each other.

But not by arguing, not by fighting.

We did it by simply focusing on

the things that make us the same,

not the things that make us different and for some people,

that's dancing with reckless abandon.

For some people, it's just

reaching out and holding the hand of a stranger

and my hope is that Disarm Hate does more

than just stop gun violence, that we truly do that,

we actually take hate's power away.

Because if we can do something like that,

we won't need people like me to do another rally.

We won't need rallies.

We'll have each other.

(relaxed guitar music)

* Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine *

* Let me under your skin

* Like you're under mine

* I can't sleep with secrets left to divine *

* Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine *

* What are you dreaming

* Maybe we're dreaming the same *

* Hidden in shadow

* Lies great shame

* Restless dreams

* Not yet attained

* Unburden your heart and let loose the chains *

* Secrets buried

* Breed pain

* Nothing risked, nothing gained *

* Tell me your secrets, the deep dark kind *

* Whisper yours, I'll relinquish mine *

* Secrets

* Misery and mystery wilt when true love shines *

* True love

* Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine *

(upbeat guitar music)