All language subtitles for Disarm.Hate.2020.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-ZTR

(bubbling)

(electric crackling)

(dramatic rock tones)

- [Woman] I just saw a shot,
I just got outta there fast.

- [Narrator] June 12th, 2016,

Pulse Nightclub in Orlando,
Florida under siege.

Three hours of abject terror.

Multiple shootings,
hostages taken and when

the smoke cleared, 49 people
were dead, many more injured.

(soft guitar music)

In Los Angeles, members

of the LGBTQ community
react to the tragedy.

- When I was reading
the news about Orlando,

I can remember I
was laying in bed

and I just felt like this fear
that like that could be me.

- Back in the 80s,
I was in a nightclub

when there was a shooting,
I was in a gay club

and so it definitely
brought up a lot of feelings

and I could really relate
to the terror and confusion.

- It felt like just,

I felt utterly deflated.

- I was actually home
with my kids sitting down.

I was flipping
through the channels.

I didn't change it,

I didn't hide what was
going on from them.

- It was Gay Pride
Sunday in Los Angeles

and I had my outfit all laid out

and then there was
news of somebody

who was coming to
the Pride Parade

and had explosives
and all sorts of stuff

and I thought well you
know what, we can't go.

Then I thought
no, you know what?

We are absolutely going.

This is the most important
Pride Day of all days.

- When we learned of
the Orlando tragedy,

I was actually at LA Pride.

I was scheduled to be
on a car in the parade

and there were many
emotions that raced through

my heart and through
my mind but I was not

going to let them take the
one thing that we had going

for us and that was pride
and our sense of community.

- I didn't know those 49 people.

I didn't know that
nightclub but I felt

it was an attack on
our entire community

and I felt like we
needed to come together,

heal together,
process this together.

- [Narrator] In
Maplewood, New Jersey,

activist Jason Hayes tries
to process the tragedy.

- 10 years prior to Orlando,

we had a school in
Sandy Hook, Connecticut

full of middle American
white children murdered

and we found ourselves with
weaker gun laws in this country.

So I literally just
had to say to people

if you think that America
is going to jump up

in arms in anger and
frustration because 49

fags and lesbians

of color were
killed, you're crazy.

It's not gonna change anything
and so I had to do something.

I couldn't just sit and
be angry and cry anymore.

- I was like what am I gonna do?

I've gotta help my gay
brothers and sisters.

I've gotta help
my LGBT community.

I just spent night
after night searching.

Are there events happening?

Is there somewhere for me to go?

Are there candlelight
vigils, are they nearby?

- I have an idea,
we're gonna hold

a national rally
called Disarm Hate.

We're going to bring
together the LGBTQ community

and we are going
to bring the gun

violence prevention
community together.

I don't know if it's gonna work,

I don't know if
it's gonna happen

but all I know is I'm gonna try.

So I went online and
applied for the permits,

downloaded the seven
page application

with the National Parks
Department and sent

that over and put it
on Facebook that I was

gonna be holding a
rally in Washington D.C.

Come on, we're gonna do
something, we're gonna be heard.

We're gonna stand up
and my husband came home

that night from work
and walked in the door

and just said "I'm
gonna fucking kill you."

I said "What?"

And he said "You applied for

"permits for a march
on Washington."

- I was like "It's just gonna
be a small rally, a gathering"

and he just started laughing
and he said "No, I know you.

"Nothing you do is ever small."

- Suddenly I saw this guy,

he posted on a forum about
wanting to do a rally in D.C.

From there on, it became about
getting there to film this

man who was the only person I
saw with a goal after Pulse.

(soft piano music)

(soft guitar music)

- My name is Alexis Sanchez
and I'm transgender.

Now that I've finally
come out and transitioned,

I'm comfortable in
my skin and I laugh

and I'm happy for the
first time in my life.

- I'm Chris Bland, originally

from Virginia and now
live in Los Angeles.

I work in retail.

Also I have a longtime history

of being an LGBT
and HIV activist.

- I'm Joey Giandla,
I was born gay.

Yes, I'm gay.

I was often challenged
being out in the world.

I was not as easily accepted.

- I'm Dusty, I am a lesbian.

I have a card in my wallet
that says "I am a lesbian."

- Hi, I'm Donato Crowley.

Been living in Los Angeles
since I was 22 years old.

I came here pursuing my dream
of acting and I am very gay

and proud of it.

- My name is Michelle Haro,

I'm from Bakersfield,
California.

Before I knew I was
lesbian, before I could

put a word to it, before
I could understand it,

the community was
there for me already.

- Asher Glynn, I'm from
Los Angeles, California.

Being bisexual with
a wife and a family,

having a color-bangled
Pride hat on is interesting.

The looks that I get, the
interactions and the whispers

that go on but today I'm
not uncomfortable with that.

I'm Rachel Fisher,
I'm from Los Angeles.

I'm a bisexual, I have been
out for about 10 years.

I spend a lot more time within

the gay community and
LGBT community in general.

That's where I personally

have felt comfortable
most of my life.

- I've been living
trans for 14 years.

I am an activist
and an advocate.

I'm one of those people
that I can't see myself

standing by while all of
these things are taking place.

So my life I've dedicated

to speaking out and
being that voice.

- [Narrator] August 9th, 2016,

nine LGBTQ activists team up
in Los Angeles to board an RV

bound for Jason's Disarm
Hate rally in Washington D.C.

They have four
days to get there.

(upbeat guitar music)

- 20% of the hate crimes
are committed with guns.

What I think is
really crazy and whack

about that is a 13 year
old can go in a store

and cannot buy a lottery
ticket, cannot buy cigarettes,

cannot buy alcohol but they
can walk into a gun show

and in 15 minutes walk outta
there legally with a rifle.

There's something really
wrong with that picture.

(gunshots booming)

- [Narrator] Before
leaving Los Angeles,

to get a full
understanding of the issue,

the team decides to
visit LAX Shooting Range.

(relaxed rock music)

- When I was first
walking in there,

these emotions come up and
I was kinda scared actually.

I wasn't sure what
to expect and I kinda

was thinking we were gonna
use some of the assault rifles

and then when we got
the guns, he gave us

a little tutorial and it
was kind of cool actually.

I was conflicted
inside because part

of me is like I don't
want to like this.

But I liked it.

- What I realized is
that it was not like TV.

It seems like on TV,
they just pull it out,

everything is set up
good and ready to go.

But to have to actually
load all of those bullets

and then press down,
especially with like nails

and all kinds of, and I
kept skinning my finger

and I was like this
is just not me.

I didn't realize there was

so much that actually
went into it.

I had the zombie but I shot
the girl's implant out.

- You shot her in the boob.
- Yeah, she needed Dr. 90210.

- I asked 'em what is the point

of those high capacity
assault rifles?

This guy said "That's
for stress relief"

and my first reaction
was like stress relief?

Fuck you, like go
on a bike ride,

that's what I do or masturbate.

(laughing)

Yeah, but however today,
I was very surprised

at how much I liked
shooting the gun

and there was something,
like you said before,

I felt very focused and
sort of in the moment

and powerful.

- It made me think
of cops and robbers.

When we used to play cops and
robbers when we were kids.

Bang, bang and it was such
a fun game but in reality,

it's very serious and just
like that, a life can be gone.

- The part that

was hard for me was that

when I got that
bullseye, it was like,

yeah, like I was like
"Yeah (growling)."

That's how I felt,
I felt like I needed

to start growling
and that scared me.

(gunshots booming)

- I just couldn't help
but think about how

terrifying it would be, I had
flashes of Orlando because

of how terrifying it would
be to kinda hear the gunshots

and I got a sense for how crazy
it is when you're shooting.

You have to be in
this very focused,

I feel like maniacal
kind of zone

for me to aim correctly and so

it was very emotional
to think about this.

The terror that a
gun can inflict.

- I would love to see
really smart gun reform.

I'm not anti-gun, I believe

they belong in
responsible hands.

I used to be licensed to carry.

I may in the future, I may not.

I don't know but I know that

there needs to be
something that changes.

There are so,

there are so many
lives that go wasted

because irresponsible
people are given

a tool that can take
lives and not just,

we're not talking a gun that

can pop off one
shot, two shot here.

We're talking about you can

wipe out an entire
room of people

and it's a waste,
it's a disservice

to mankind and I want
to see that change.

(upbeat piano music)

- The RV I really
underestimated.

It was supposed to house a
family of four comfortably.

A family of five,
maybe and that was

the biggest one I could
get for our budget

and I was like
"That'll work, right?"

Oh my god, me, Jim,
cameraman, AJ and Becca

the sound woman were all in
this four-seater side truck.

Then everyone else, the
nine of them were in there.

We thought that's
how it would work.

No, Becca had to
set up for sound.

So she was in the back bedroom.

So you had all nine
people shoved up front

and then a cameraman
and sometimes me.

So sometimes what, 13 people?

Yeah, 13 people at a time

and one person would be
driving the side car.

Not good, not good.

- One of the first emails I
got when we setup the website

was from a guy and of
course I was naive,

I had just started putting
everything together

and I thought that the
email when we got it,

the Disarm Hate Gmail address
was gonna be all people

offering support and thank
you so much for doing this.

But it wasn't, it was
an email from someone,

a gentleman who
started his email

telling me that he was sad
that AIDS hadn't killed me

as a fag but that he
hoped a stray bullet would

and

I don't know,

maybe 'cause

I have spent my whole
life being called a fag

and insulted and
bullied and attacked,

it just made me angrier,
it kind of made me

want to fight harder to make
sure that this all happened.

But it also made me
realize very quickly that

if I'm getting emails like
that, I'm doing something right.

(relaxed piano, guitar music)

- [Julianna] There's always
this idea that you're gonna

find America when you set
out to go on a road trip.

You're gonna get to someplace
and you're gonna find America.

But you really find yourself.

- My ex-girlfriend is
married and is about

to have a kid and she
won't even talk to me now.

Even at the highest
monogamous of levels,

it still hurts more when
you're that minority

that gets tucked under
and it just, you know,

and no one cares 'cause the
relationships that you have

feel less than the relationships
that everyone else has.

- I have a question, why would
you refer to her as straight

if she was in a relationship
with you, with a woman?

Why is she straight but
when you were with a man,

you still considered
yourself 100% lesbian?

- This was her only
lesbian relationship,

just like that's probably gonna
be my only guy relationship.

- [Rachel] She's married
now, so we don't know

and she's faithful
to that guy but that

doesn't mean she's not
still attracted to women

and hasn't always been
attracted to women.

- Are you basically asking why
she doesn't identify as bi?

- [Rachel] I'm asking
why the erasure?

Why are we so quick
to say that someone--

- [Asher] Because even
when you said gay men

and lesbians, you excluded
bi from the whole thing.

- Here's the reason why.

Because bi people,
you're a minority.

The reality is that they
don't identify with--

- So you exclude us?
- Wait, no, no, no, no.

Don't ask the question if
you're not ready for the answer.

Bi people don't own
their bisexuality.

They're closeted a lot of times.

- That's bullshit.
- That is so bullshit.

- It's that the LGBT community,

what's happening
right now is we say

that we're bi and we come
out as bi and people deny it.

People say--
- Straight and gay.

- We're talking about
specific people, exactly.

You see, that's the thing.

Don't take your shit
and put that on me.

What I'm saying is
this is the dynamic.

They come and they
basically make us think

that they're discovering
themselves and then

they go back to the other
and then we're just left

used up and depleted and
abused and manipulated.

- So where do I fit
in in this community

when I have participated in
activism for this community

and I have done my best to be
an ally to the gay community,

the trans community and
the lesbian community?

But I'm not gay enough for y'all

and I'm not straight
enough for them and that's

part of the dilemma, that's
just a small piece of it.

- So what is it
that we can change?

- I just said one thing.

I just said one thing
you could change.

You could stop saying that

if a person has
identified as bisexual,

if they're in a
heterosexual relationship,

they're not heterosexual,
they're still bisexual.

If they're in a gay relationship

that's homosexual,
they're still bisexual.

They're just in a
homosexual relationship.

They're with their same gender.

- I'm gonna say it
a different way.

I don't like being
called bisexual

because I don't like
being called gay,

I like being called bisexual
because I am bisexual.

(soft piano music)

- [Julianna] We've driven
1800 miles in two days.

That's more than 28 hours
in an RV smashed together.

How do you feel?
- We are pumped!

We've been reading about Otis.
- Honestly, what is it like?

- Tired, frustrated, exhausted.

- It smells.
- Please, not the lid.

Trying to cook with the pan
sliding off one at a time.

- Did you bang your
head on a cabinet?

- I did bang my
head on a cabinet.

The sodas fell down on my hair.

- I can't even say it, I
just want to take a shower.

- I do want to brush my teeth.
- I want to brush my teeth.

- Come on, Chris.

- I wanna take a
shower and get clean.

- I want like a nice bed.
- 20 hours in an RV.

How do you feel?

How do you feel?
- Exhausted.

I feel exhausted.

Mentally and physically
and emotionally.

- I'm a hairdresser,
I'm a wig stylist.

I work with film and TV,
I don't organize rallies.

I don't bring people together.

But I knew I had
to do something.

I honestly thought
that I would start it

and then some big group
or some organization

who does these things would
be like "That's great."

And then they would
take the ball from there

and they would finish
playing the game out.

Sitting in HRC's office

in Washington D.C.
for almost six hours.

They wouldn't even take
the paperwork from me

and I thought okay, well you
know, I have to prove it.

I have to prove more,
I have to show more,

I have to do more and then
they'll take me seriously.

They didn't, they never came.

They didn't show up, they
didn't offer support.

They didn't share
our information.

They were nowhere to
be found but they also,

what was heartbreaking to me was

they didn't even organize
their own events.

There were no marches,
there were no rallies,

there were no protests
after 49 LGBTQ people

of Latin or Hispanic
descent were killed.

Where were these groups?

Where's all the money?

- [Narrator] The team
travels to Memphis,

Tennessee to visit Duanna
Johnson's murder site.

Duanna was a transgender woman

who was beaten by police
officers while in custody.

Months later, she was
found shot to death.

- Duanna Johnson was
actually about to file

a Federal lawsuit against the
Memphis Police Department.

- Dee, in fact she was.

I spoke with her
attorney earlier today.

He says they were just
a couple of weeks away

from filing a Federal lawsuit
for Civil Rights violations.

- He hit me so hard,
like the third time,

it split my skull and I
had blood coming down.

- [Newswoman] This police video

shows Duanna Johnson
in the booking area

at 201 Poplar after an
arrest for prostitution.

You can clearly see the
Memphis police officer

walk over and hit her in
the face several times.

- I was scared to death,
I was really scared.

- [Interviewer] Did it make
you feel like less of a person?

- Yes, I didn't feel like
I was a human being then.

Even the nurse came
in and she just

ignored me and I
begged her to help me.

Duanna Johnson was shot down

on the very street she often
worked as a prostitute.

Memphis police say
witnesses told them

they saw three young men walking
away from the murder scene.

Few other clues are
available tonight.

(anxious guitar tones)

- Outside of the tragedy
and what took place,

the thing that really,
really devastates

my entire being from the
core is this is our reality.

As a black trans
woman, I am three times

more likely to die this
way because I'm black,

because I'm a woman and
because I'm transgender.

It scares me because
it could be me.

The fact that people
think that we somehow

deserve what we get just
because of our courage

to express who we are,
we don't deserve that.

- The thing that
I was reading is

she ended up in sex work, right?

- Right.
- Even me when I came out,

I got demoted.

I had never gotten
demoted before

and then it was
harder to find work.

So that's that
institutional oppression.

What happens when
we can't get jobs,

the cops are in on it and
we just face discrimination?

We end up in places like this.

- What really scares me is
that even though this is

a desolate, remote space,
people had to have seen it.

It makes me wonder
how many people saw

what was taking place
and turned a blind eye.

And so this is beyond community.

This is institutional,
this is law enforcement.

This is government,
they turned a blind eye.

- Didn't it say she was like

an activist or an
advocate in the community?

- Basically she told her story
at a national level and so--

- [Alexis] Oh right, about
the police brutality.

- Right and for me,

I'm a media advocate
and diversity speaker,

so to be honest, that
happens in my line of work.

They want to silence you.

So it's like if you
start speaking up

about the injustices,
if you speak up

about equality and rights
and if you speak up

in a way that humanizes
us, you're a threat.

I think this is on my mind
every time I leave the house.

Every time I go out to work.

Every time I go to
a grocery store.

Any time I do anything
that allows me

to be a part of my
community, I always have

to bear in mind that this could
easily be how I end my day.

- [Alexis] Yeah.

- I'm still very
early in my transition

and there's not a lot of
things that, I don't know,

there's things that I understand
and that I know happen

but it's not until I'm
standing in that space that,

I don't know, I just feel
this whole nother sense

of fear and just kinda
like what it must be like.

It's that journey from
the head to the heart.

When I'm standing where
this woman was murdered,

it's like I know
that murders happen

but to stand in the spot
where they found her,

I don't know, it brought
up a lot of stuff for me.

- We want everybody
to respect us

as the LGBT community
and we want to fight

homophobia and transphobia
but we can't fight that

on the outside until we
address it within our very own

community and many times
the black trans narrative

is overlooked and I'm
sorry, when gay people

got the right to marry,
they took their flags,

waved them and
cheered and skipped

the fuck off while we
were still struggling.

I have fought for
the rights of all

of my gay brothers,
sisters, transgendered,

lesbian, intersex,
queer, doesn't matter.

- [Ashlee] You're
amazing, Donato.

But that's not
everybody's story.

- I think it's
recognizing even though,

I deal with the same
thing with misogyny.

because there's
plenty of allies,

male allies who say "But
I'm not a misogynist,

"so therefore it can't exist."
- Yes.

- It exists, it's
real and when a black

person's talking to me,
I listen because I have

no fucking idea what
their struggle is.

When a trans woman's
talking to me, I listen

just as I hope that when
I'm talking to a man

and explaining my struggle
to them that they realize

that just because they might
not personally think that

they're sexist that there is
sexism and it's killing women.

- Yes, that does exist, I know
but like with gay marriage,

I saw a lot of
heterosexual people

being extremely vocal
about gay marriage

and I wanted to take a moment

in my person and say "You
know what, thank you.

"Thank you for being our
allies, we need more."

I didn't want to disregard that.

- It's important that when we
talk about white privilege,

Donato, when we talk about
the gay privilege even

in the community, we're not
attacking people's identities.

What we're saying is that you
have a voice and a platform

that a more marginalized
community is not going to have.

So we're asking you to help us

and we're asking for your
support because we need you

and people are saying there's
not that big of a difference,

it's downplaying and
diminishing and erasing

the struggle that we're
going through and so people

can't speak to what they're
not acknowledging is there.

- And it really is
acknowledging that privilege.

Acknowledging that this
community is falling short

and acknowledging that we
don't address these things.

- [Donato] But I would
agree that if we were just--

- Hold on.

It's even that, you
know, like oh, it's,

I think, I really lost
my train of thought.

- [Donato] I'm sorry.

- I don't know, it's just one

of those things that it's
easy to, it's like...

I don't know.

- And this is what happens.
- Wait a minute.

I want to say
something here, okay?

Whether it's right
or wrong or not

but you were talking
about the gay community.

You are a woman on
fire, you are passionate

and you're one of
the ones stepping up

to the front to
make the changes.

But I'm gonna tell
you what, being older,

I was there in the
days when Anita Bryant

came out and was
saying this shit

and she made us come
out of the closet

and back in those days,
we were where you were.

We had to hide, we had secret
codes and shit like that.

You didn't come out to nobody.

I mean I got brought
up on charges

for being a
homosexual, I got read

my Miranda Rights because
they thought I was gay.

So we have fought all that
way but let us fight with you

because we're not against you
and I love what you preach

and you enlighten me and
you enlighten other people.

- But don't say "we"
Dusty, don't say "we."

Say "you" because the reality is

that to be quite
honest with you,

your school when you
were going through

everything that you went
through, you get it.

I'm talking about the
people that came in

and benefited off of the
struggles that you went through.

- Can I ask?

What would you
like to see happen

and how can we
help support that?

- Believe us when
we tell you about

our experience because
it's our lived experience.

- Right.
- Don't question it,

don't discredit it.

Like Dusty and several
other people said, listen.

Sometimes it doesn't
require an answer.

The best way to be
an ally sometimes

is just to stand with
us and just to listen.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

We've got flooding
in the bathroom.

There's water coming
up from the bathroom.

Okay, all right.

We had a lot of
problems with the RV.

The first thing that happened,

I was shooting up
in the top bunk

looking down and all this
water started pouring down.

Water from the toilet
was overflowing.

- That's pee water.
- Oh, god.

(groaning)

- It's just water.
- Nuh-uh, there's pee in it.

- [Julianna] And then
Dusty had an accident.

(glass shattering)
- What was that?

- Did we hit something?
- Sounded like glass broke.

- [Chris] Oh, fuck.

The mirror hit a vehicle.

- We should pull over.

- I thought we got shot at.
- Me too.

- [Rachel] I was like that's
how this trip ends, great.

- [Julianna] Turns
out she hit a truck,

so I had to work things out with

the other driver before
we could continue.

- It was out so far 'cause
I misjudged it I guess.

- But the worst was
when the generator

broke and we couldn't
get the AC to work.

That was when we
were in the middle

of the dog day summers
of Memphis, Tennessee.

Everyone was like
we're dying in that RV.

It is so hot, it
feels like a coffin.

That's when we had
to stop everything

and I had to find
somebody to help us.

There were no RV mechanics.

It's a different thing
than a regular mechanic.

I mean when you call and
say "Yeah, I've got an RV,"

they're like "We
don't deal with RVs."

So I'd called so
many places and then

finally this guy who
answered me sounded like

(imitating foreign language).

I'm like "Listen,
you're the only guy

"that's picked up that can
handle this, where are you?"

And that was like two to
six hours out of our way.

Four hours in that RV
is like eight hours

and I couldn't imagine them
wilting in that RV to get there,

let alone we'll never
make it to the rally.

So I'm listening to this guy,

it wasn't really a
big deal other than

the fact that I
couldn't understand him.

But I'm just like
pushing buttons

and attach this thing
to this other thing

and I was talking
to him on the phone

and I was like "Yeah"
and then I started it,

it didn't work and then I
did it again and it was fine.

(cheering)

- [Dusty] Celebrate
our victory with

a good old fashioned Tennessee
barbecue dance party.

- Sometimes the nearest
exit may be fine.

(laughing)

(chattering)

- Mm, so good.

- This is living.

(up tempo electronic
dance music)

- I think one of the
hardest things about

trying to do all of this is

the people who lie,
misspeak, misrepresent.

We had one of the larger
GVP groups talk to us.

Their rep was sitting
here in my house.

He actually sat at my table

and told me nothing
but fucking lies.

Multiple lies about funding,

wealthy sponsors who will donate
and cover costs of things.

How they could get
celebrities to help with this.

They have this experience,
they've done this before.

They're the largest GVP group,

they've been around the
longest, they know everyone.

There is no money, there's no
support, there's no backing.

Now I not only have to focus on

making the rally a
reality but I also

now have to figure
out how to pay for it.

I don't know how
I'm gonna do it.

I don't know if people realize

when you fuck someone
over that huge

that you affect thousands
upon thousands of people

who put their hope,
their faith in something.

Who believed in something when

they had nothing but
tears after Orlando.

For a lot of people, this was
it, this was all they had.

This was a chance to
be seen, to be heard,

to be represented and for what?

(relaxed guitar music)

- [Narrator] The team
arrives in Roanoke,

Virginia where they visit
the Back Street Cafe.

In 2000, it was the
site of a shooting

that targeted the
LGBTQ community.

- Back in the 80s
when I was coming out,

we found bars as a safe
place for ourselves.

- Absolutely.

- We would go meet other gays,

lesbians and
transgendered and bisexual

people there and this
was a safe place for us.

This was a place
for us to commune

and this is kind of a
religious area and this bar

was probably a safe place
for many, many people.

- It was the only place
that they could go

get to be themselves, mingle
with like-minded people

'cause they couldn't go
hug and kiss in another

restaurant downtown and
yes, it's very religious

because 45 minutes
east of us in Lynchburg

is the beginning
of the Bible Belt.

- That day

when Ronald Gay

came in here.

- [Deanna] Yes.

- [Donato] And
pulled out his gun

and shot these
innocent people here.

- Yes.

- The news later
reported that he was

supposedly doing
the work of God.

- He was frustrated and
sick of his last name,

being ridiculed for
it his whole life

and was gonna go out
and in his words,

go find faggots, go shoot queers

and actually came downtown,

there was the doorman
at Corned Beef,

asked the doorman
"Where is the gay bar?

"I wanna go shoot some faggots."

The doorman tells
him about the park.

So on his way to the park,
which is four blocks that way,

he came in to buy a
beer, realized what kind

of bar it was and opened
fire and in the beginning,

the story was that
he hated his name

and that's why he did it, so
go out and shoot gay people

and then during the
court proceedings,

then it was voices in his
head telling him to do it.

He was able to avoid
the death sentence

but he did get
consecutive life terms

without the
possibility of parole

and I guess it's technically
Roanoke's first hate crime,

which I find hard to believe,
it's the South, okay, hello?

I'm sure there was a
lot more hate crimes

going on up here than
get reported, okay?

But I mean of course
it was big news

and of course I
had insane sympathy

because my whole life,
nobody knew who I really was.

- Right.

- When I did become
myself, I wound up

actually dating the second-most
critically injured here.

So yes, Danny died.

My boyfriend was
John, the one sitting

right next to him who
took it in the stomach.

He has over six feet
of plastic intestines

and the other five
people shot in the butt,

shot in the hand,
had their neck grazed

and of course every
five years, we hold

a memorial if you will
or a slight vigil.

I don't want it to be
constantly harped on

and have a shadow that's
over the bar because of it

but it also shouldn't
be forgotten.

- Right.
- Right.

(soft guitar music)

- Has the fact that you were

LGBTQ

ever make any of
you feel suicidal?

Anybody?

- I knew I was trans
since I was a little kid

and then I didn't, I never
thought that I could transition.

So I just tried to live my
life in a cisnormative way

and it led to me doing
drugs and alcohol

and acting out in all
sorts of other ways

and eventually even
that, I hit a wall

where I just couldn't
do it anymore

and I'd just mix massive
amounts of alcohol

and Benzo's and just keep
going 'til I blacked out.

My thing was I'm gonna
black out, I won't remember

and then it'll pass and
then it'll just be over.

I'm really lucky that I'm
still around, to be honest.

I finally got to a point where

it was like okay,
transition or die.

- You just want
the pain to go away

and you do whatever it takes

and alcohol came first
and I was like great,

it's there, I'll just
black out every night.

I think I blacked
out every night

for like at least
seven years, at least.

Until I got to the point
where I was like I'm done,

I'm just done.

- I had a couple
of suicide attempts

where I kinda of wanted
to grab people's attention

but one time I
literally meant business

and I remember taking
some of the psych meds

that they prescribed me
and I took half the bottle

and I remember being
in that moment where

it was like oh my god,
I think I messed up,

I don't wanna die and
I remember just praying

that if you just give
me one more chance

and let me live
through this, I promise

I'm gonna be myself and
I'm not gonna be apologetic

for it anymore and so that
was the beginning for me.

- It had been just
like beat into me

that I was unlovable
and so when I was 16,

I attempted suicide
and unlike you,

like I woke up and I was mad

and I took more pills

and then they found
me later and something

that's weird about the whole
gun thing is that even,

I mean for me every time
I've tried to commit suicide,

it was through pills
'cause there's a waiting,

it's not instant but with a gun,

if I had that at my disposal,

it's like this pain,
this pain, over.

- When I first started
connecting with
the LGBT community,

it was through the
internet and I really

couldn't imagine what
it would've been like

if I wouldn't have
had the internet.

My question really
is for the people

that were before us who
didn't have those spaces.

I mean like Chris.

(laughing)

- Back on the prairie
before we had TV.

Is that what you're
trying to say?

No go ahead, finish
your question.

- No, the question is for you.

If we're going
through this much pain

and discomfort and sense
of alienation from society,

I mean I really
want to hear what

your experience would've
been like at that time

not having this dialogue,
not having this conversation,

not having the safe space
to start that discussion.

- For me, it's
kinda interesting.

I think very early on I became

very adept at how to live all
these different identities.

It's like growing up
in the 60s and 70s,

there weren't any
out gay characters.

There was Paul Lynde
on "Bewitched."

There was Alice who we
thought in "Brady Bunch."

There was very few characters
that you really saw,

there was no one that was out
definitely as gay and lesbian.

I didn't even dance
with another man

until we were at a
trip to South Carolina

and then this guy who I was
with from another school,

he was like "We're
gonna find the bar."

So we had to go to
the adult bookstore

and then make
conversation with the guy

behind the desk who
might kinda know

and then he gave us
directions to this place

and you still had to
kinda figure out which

because the windows
were all black.

- It's like a gay
scavenger hunt.

- [Chris] Yes, totally.

- But I'm curious, were
there like (laughs),

were there like go-to gay
bars that you guys went?

Was that how you connected
did you think was through--

- [Ashlee] Well no,
they would just leave

bread crumbs along
the path and then--

(laughing)

- [Rachel] Just follow
your bread crumbs,

is that what you're saying?

(laughing)

- Do I need to read this?

- I got it.

- Okay, it's been
a roller coaster.

I definitely would
not suggest organizing

a national rally
for your first foray

into grassroots activism,
for the weak of heart.

We are almost there.

In less than two weeks,

we have raised almost all the
funding to pay for the stage,

the porta-potties,
the water, the ice,

the paramedics
that are required.

Thanks to George Takei,
after the Orlando shootings,

he founded a group called
One Pulse For America

online on social media
and when he heard

what was happening
with our rally and that

it was now in jeopardy
because of funding,

George tweeted out for
us as well as reached out

to all of the hundreds
of thousands of members

in the group and asked
them to skip coffee

for just one or
two days and donate

five or $10 to us

and

we are almost there.

That literally is a
grassroots organization

for the people being
paid for by the people.

I think it's pretty incredible.

- I'm really irritated
with what you said, Alexis.

- [Alexis] Okay.

- When you were talking
about your friend

and you were talking
about the struggles

that she went through,
you were like "Yeah,

"well she basically doesn't
get that many opportunities

"because she's six foot
two and she's built."

I'm six foot two and I
think I'm a bad bitch

and I've done a
whole lot of things

and I've made a
huge contribution

to my community and
I'm very passable.

I look better than some
people's mothers and

that doesn't necessarily
define my womanhood

but what you did subconsciously
is you perpetuated

the thing that we
have in our community

where you can look at
somebody and define

somebody's womanhood by
their physical attributes.

- But you've done
the same thing to me.

- [Ashlee] How have
I did that to you?

Let's have a conversation.

- I mean sometimes we don't gel,

sometimes I say things,
sometimes you say things.

But I try to not
hold onto anything

because I really
have wanted to start

a dialogue but I just don't
find it possible sometimes

and that's okay, like I said,
I still love and support you.

- Do you know why we don't gel?

Because girls like
you who say the things

that you say are what
fragments our community

and so now we have
girls out here getting

ass shots in Mexico, putting
silicon in their body,

stopping their hearts
and all kinda stuff

because they're trying
to have a pissing content

with the next girl to
be more woman instead

of supporting one another,
uplifting one another

and saying "You know
what, you may not

"have this going on
but you're beautiful.

"You're perfect just
the way you are."

And that's what I
am, six foot two,

200 and whatever pounds,
I'm still a woman.

- Ashlee almost didn't
come on the trip with us.

Before we left, she
got into an argument

with my producer and said
some not nice things.

So I called Ashlee right away

and Ashlee was just yelling at
me and I got really worried.

I told her I think
it's a good idea

if she stayed home just
because that volatile

nature makes me incredibly
nervous on the road.

She was angry but she was polite

and she took it like
a pro from then on.

Then I started getting the phone

calls from the
other cast members.

A lot of people
were worried that

when we miss the
black trans voice,

we miss a crucial part
of the discussion.

- I had been uncomfortable with

the decision that
Ashlee's not going with us

because I feel like if we kept
fuckin' eating each other,

how do we expect to go out
into the world, you know?

- I just come from
not being heard,

I come from being discarded.

I come from people
within our community

not supporting trans
people and so I wear that.

- Alexis came forward and said

"I'm uncomfortable with
people being confrontational.

"I don't like rage"
and we just talked

for hours and Joey
at one point is like

"Well if Ashlee isn't
going, I'm not going."

And I'm like great, Joey.

And then I looked at Ashlee
and said "Do you wanna go?"

And she goes "Yes" and I go
"Are we gonna be all right?"

And she goes "Yes."

I realized I wasn't hearing her.

I needed to listen,
so I apologized.

- Sometimes when I am
around you and I try

to have conversations, I
feel you're threatened by me.

I do, just like when
we were deciding

on whether I should
come or not 'cause

I felt like you wanted to be
the only trans representation.

That's what I felt, whether
that's your truth or not,

I'm letting you
know that I've been

in the game long enough to
see it and recognize the game.

- It wasn't because I wanted
to be the only trans girl.

That's a lot on my
shoulders and I think

you're better at telling
the narrative than I am.

I did it because there was

questions about anger
and rage-aholics.

It's got nothing
to do with trans,

it's got nothing
to do with race,

it's not nothing to do
with height, size, nothing.

It has to do with
rage and the place

that that has in
my life and trauma

and the fact that
it can put me back

into PTSD in a second and
I just cease to function.

Earlier today I said "I don't
think I'm capable of filming

"because I have been completely
emotionally shut down."

- I saw that
something wasn't okay

and irregardless of
the LGBT community,

I would feel more connected
to you than anybody else

on this RV because we have
a shared lived experience.

So if I did wrong to
you, I apologize, Alexis.

But I wasn't trying
to bring all that up.

I was just letting
you know that when

you said that part
of our struggle is--

- No, I feel bad
about saying it.

- It made me feel horrible.
- Now that you pointed it out.

- It reminded me of how
people used to treat me

and try to make me
feel like I wasn't

woman enough because I
wasn't five foot four.

- Yeah, I feel, like
I said, I apologize.

I was talking about my
best friend and that's--

- [Ashlee] Gimme a hug,
girl, we still friends, girl.

There ain't no shade.
- I think we're just tired.

- [Narrator] After
traveling all night,

the team is in
Pennsylvania where

they meet Allison Rae
Barnhardt, co-founder

of the Pittsburgh chapter
of the Pink Pistols.

- No, actually I did see you.
- Yeah, hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- [Julianna] Everybody
settled, quiet on the set.

- Camera's rolling.
- And action.

- Will you tell me
a little bit about

the organization you're a
part of, the Pink Pistols?

- Okay, I can give you a
little background on us too.

The Pink Pistols
originally was founded

back in the early
90s as a response

to the rise in violence
against the LGBT community

and the Pittsburgh
chapter was reactivated

right after Orlando, it was
the Sunday after the shootings

and our main mission
purpose is to teach

responsibility in arms
ownership and safety.

(gunshots booming)

- Have you always been
interested in firearms?

- Yeah, I grew up
with a country family.

- Okay.

- My people were all from rural
southwestern Pennsylvania.

- So you learned to shoot
at a pretty young age?

- Yeah, so I've been
around guns all my life.

I did bring a couple
pieces from my collection.

Now one of these is
a rifle I restored.

It was basically kind
of a basket case.

I bought it at a gun show.

This is a cap and ball pistol.
- How old is that?

- [Allison] This is
actually a reproduction

of an old Army Colt,
this is Civil War era.

- What's the rifle?

- The rifle, this is a
World War II battle rifle.

- Wow.
- This is actually British.

- Is that an orig?

- This is an original.

- I didn't know if it
was a reproduction.

- It's an orig.

- This was manufactured
in Great Britain

in 1943 and this
fought in World War II.

- How do you feel about
the California gun laws?

- I think they're
a little overkill.

I mean the gun laws
in this country,

they need some attention,
I'm not gonna deny that.

I don't know a real good
compromise solution.

They need to start
enforcing things better.

- What do you think is something
that needs to be enforced?

- Background checks.

I mean like the
shooter in Orlando.

- Okay.

- He was under
investigation by the FBI.

- And he was a domestic abuser.

- Exactly.
- As far as I understand.

- Yeah, exactly and he
was still able to buy

a 223 caliber rifle.

- There are some
people who would say

"I don't want any guns
at all, no more guns."

Obviously you're a
firearm enthusiast,

you don't believe that.
- Right.

- What do you think would happen
if there weren't any guns?

- All you have to do is really

look at history
to find that out.

One of the most
contemptuous examples

everybody is familiar
with is Nazi Germany.

One of the first
things Hitler did

when he rose to
power was he outlawed

certain groups from being
able to obtain firearms.

One of them was the Jews.

If 1/4 of the Jewish
people had been armed,

do you think there
would've been a Holocaust?

That's a very deep
question to think about.

- Can you show us your
personal gun, Ali?

- One second.
- It's not loaded, is it?

- [Allison] Actually it
won't be in a second.

(laughing)
(clapping)

- You might wanna back up.
- I know.

I love she keeps it real.

- Awesome.
(gun cocks)

- [Chris] Go girl.

Policewoman.

- What kind is that?
- That's so cute.

- This is actually a surplus

former Communist
Bloc Polish Makarov.

- And why do you choose that
type of gun for yourself?

- It's small, easily
concealed and if

it gets stolen, I don't
have a lot invested in this.

(laughing)

- If you're a Pink Pistol,
do you have to wear pink?

- Not necessarily, I
just like this dress.

Come in, there you go.

- [Becca] Good, no?

- [Julianna] They said
I had to enter first.

- [Becca] Okay, holding
now for room tone.

- [Julianna] Yep, be about
one minute, I'll let you know.

- [Becca] One minute.

- [Julianna] Okay, and rolling.

(relaxed electronic music)

(birds chirping)

- [Narrator] The team hikes

the mountain trails of
Shippenburg, Pennsylvania.

These trails are tainted with
the blood of another shooting.

- So we brought
you guys out here

on a hike not just
to go for a hike.

We brought you out here because

we want to share
a story with you

and that's what me and my
lesbian partner's gonna do.

Well she's not my partner but--

- Partner in crime.

- Yeah, partner in crime.

- So we brought you
out here to tell you

the story of a couple girls,
lesbians that came out here.

Rebecca Wight was only 28.

Claudia Brenner was 31.

Rebecca was getting her
masters and going to school.

They met at Virginia Tech.

These were two bright,
educated, beautiful girls.

So they would meet
at a specific spot

and then they'd have
some time together.

So this time around,
they were gonna do

the Rocky Mountain
Trail and the trail that

we just walked is the
trail that they walked.

This is the campfire
that they sat at.

What they didn't know was that

Stephen Roy Carr was watching
them the entire time.

Then one night after
they were hiking

and making love and just
being beautiful in the woods,

didn't bother a soul, no one was

supposed to be
watching them like that

and he set up shop across
the creek with his shotgun.

(gunshot booms)

And he just shot them.

He shot Claudia
in the neck twice.

He shot her in the cheek,
her teeth were shattered.

She could hardly speak,
she had a shot to the head

as well and then Rebecca
gets hit in the back

of the head as well as
her back and the reason

she died is 'cause
it hit her liver.

Claudia had to
hike four miles out

with all these gunshots
before she could

get some help and then go
back and get her girlfriend.

Think about it,
you're in the woods

with your love and you're
happy and you think

you're in this safe,
beautiful environment

and you're making a good memory

and instead, it
becomes a nightmare.

- I think this is a
perfect example too

of a gun in the wrong hands.

I know it was 1988 but
still like I don't know,

obviously he was
not mentally stable

to attack two women unarmed but

had he just come up to
them without a weapon,

maybe they would've
had a chance.

- I agree with you.

Is there a way to keep those
guns from being in the hands

of somebody who's gonna
commit an act like this?

I don't know but I do
know that we have to make

the law so it's more
difficult for people

that might be that
unstable to get those guns.

- He claimed he was
shooting at deer,

he thought they were
deer, by the way.

- He said that but
he also said later on

that he killed them
because they were gay.

- Finally, yeah.
- Yeah.

He finally came out and said

"I killed 'em because
they were gay and they

"were sinners," something
like that, I think he said.

- He was offended.

- Yeah, he was offended
by their gayness.

- Just think about
the kind of hatred

that lives behind
him stalking humans

to hunt them because
he hates them.

I mean that's absolutely,

I can't even get my
mind around that.

- Yes, it's hate and
yes, it's gun control

because you can't really
solve one without the other.

But if we could start
by just reforming

and controlling our
background checks

so that we make sure that guns

don't so easily get
into the wrong hands,

then maybe we can
start addressing hate

because I think that's
gonna be a longer process.

Hate has been around
for a really long time

and it's so deep and
it's so fear-based.

- We need to study
this, we need to know

what it is 'cause it's always
behind the guns, you know?

What were some of the facts?

That I think there
are 300 million guns.

- But let me say this,
I know they were killed

with a gun because a
gun is what he had.

But at the same
time, as a lesbian,

as a gay woman and some of
the experiences I've had,

a lot of it or part of
it, and I can't say what's

in his mind, is that he
did not like the fact

that these were two
women who were in love.

- These are all
debatable issues.

We can go back and
forth because people

have opinions and
people have religions

and people have all
of these things but

the simple fact is
that when anyone

tries to change a
law, with the NRA,

they scream "The Constitution"
and "The Second Amendment"

and okay, yeah, we're
not saying that you

can't bear arms but why
can't we study gun violence?

We just want to know
why so many people

are out there doing
this with guns.

We just want some answers.

- Can we just take
a moment, though?

We go with the facts
and we do all the stuff,

we just keep talking
and talking and talking

about I think this
and I think that.

Can we just take a moment
to remind ourselves like

our love is always
compromised first.

(somber guitar, violin music)

- Rebecca died but Claudia
has to deal with it

every single day and that's
what today was about for me.

To go and to honor
what her experience was

and experience a little bit of
what maybe she went through.

The drive that she
must've had to keep going

and I think she
kept going 'cause

she thought she could
still save her lover.

Anyway, I just wanted to
say that because I thought

it was more about the loss
and not the laws today.

- Okay, you have no idea
what's going on, do you?

- He was asleep for last night.

- So you don't know
what happened last
night in casa de RV?

- No, I am just--
- She was up here for awhile.

- I am a tight-lipped friend.

- Ooh.

- The second that I met her,

the first moment that
I laid eyes on her,

I was like oh my god,
she's so beautiful.

I was instantly attracted.

We spend all this time together

and we have these really
intimate conversations.

We just kept getting closer
and closer and closer.

The day that we hiked
the Appalachian Trail,

we get to the RV and
the battery is dead.

The crew takes off to go solve

this thing and we're left there.

- It was beautiful out and
I know she likes to walk.

So I was like "Well,
let's go take a walk."

And we did and it started
drizzling and raining.

It was just a really
beautiful moment

and I was like this is a
great person to share it with.

(relaxed guitar music)

- I hadn't felt that connected

to somebody through
my entire transition.

It was just something that

was so new and it
felt really special.

I had needed a
break and I was like

"I think I'm gonna go sleep
up in the upstairs area."

- She was like "Yeah, fine."

And then she crawls up there.

I don't know who initiated it.

I think we just looked
at each other and we knew

and we just started to
kiss and it was fantastic.

I felt so bad 'cause there was

a cast and a crew
member upstairs sleeping

and I had this moment
in my mind where

I was like this is a
really bad idea but

I don't care right now,
I'm just gonna go for it

'cause this is too
great to make it stop.

The next time we stopped,

we shared a hotel room
and it was amazing.

- It's definitely
not a right time

in my life per se, just
getting out of a relationship

but I wasn't willing to
say no just because of that

and I wasn't willing
to say no just because

it was an experience
with a type of person

that I wasn't
experienced with or even

knew much about before
the trip at all.

- I don't know that I'll have
gender-confirming surgery.

I don't know that I'll be
able to have a vaginoplasty.

There's a ton of physical things

that keep me from having it.

There's a ton of just
emotional reasons

that it's a really
difficult, traumatic surgery

and I don't know that
I'll end up having it

and so I've struggled to
find value as a partner

because it's like straight
guys wouldn't want me

because I don't have, like
I have my current genitals.

Gay guys don't want me
because I'm feminine.

For me, it's always
been this really awful

source of I'll never be
able to find somebody

because I'll never find
somebody who accepts

this odd combination
that I happen to have.

The last three days have
been really enjoyable,

that's all I have to
say and I don't know

that I could have
made it on this trip,

not only just without
her but without

everyone else too and some
of the kindred spirits.

- [Chris] But you didn't show

anyone else that
same appreciation.

- Well, sorry, everyone
else isn't that attractive.

- Whoa.

- Bad, bad, bad.

- Nine left LA but only
eight of 'em make it back.

I cannot believe you said that.

- This is like this RV, uncut.
- Yes.

- All right.
(cheering)

- [Chris] Yeah, girl.

- I wanna make sure

that everything I used
to get to this point

I have when I get to D.C.

So that it's all right there
when I need it if I need it.

When you try to control
so much of the process,

at some point you kinda
just have to let it go

because I've done everything
I can do, you know?

I called everybody,
I invited everybody.

If it rains, I
can't change that.

If the permit gets pulled,
there's nothing I can do.

If people don't show up,
I'm still gonna talk.

I think I'm so tired that

I don't realize I
should be afraid.

But I mean at least
I did something.

At the end of the
say, I did something.

This is everything you need
to organize a national rally.

This, some sharpies, a
Post-It and a laminator

and I think you have
everything you need to do it.

(chuckles)

We're off to D.C.

It's now or never.

We'll see you in
Washington, guys.

(relaxed rock music)

- I was working as a manager
at a fast food place.

So I'm talking to
my manager and I'm

like "I've come to the
conclusion that I,"

and she stops me and she's
like "Stop, stop, stop.

"I think I know what
you're gonna say

"and I don't want
you to say it."

She never let the
words transgender

or transition leave my mouth.

Every time I tried to say it,

she would just shut me down
and be like "Yeah, I'm sorry."

I was an assistant manager.

I was working five to six
days a week, 30 to 40 hours

and three days after
that, they sat me down

and they said "We think you
have a lot on your plate

"right now, so we're just
gonna put you in a cashier role

"for a little bit and
put you in the back."

So they moved me to
the back of the store.

- [Rusty] Moved to the back
where people couldn't see you.

- Yeah, I went to
the back where people

couldn't see me and they took
me down to one day a week.

- I met my first boyfriend

and I decided I
wanted to date him and

my mom was super protective,

she had to know where we were.

Even though she was like
"Do whatever you want.

"Here, have some
acid, whatever."

She wanted to know
that we were safe.

"Come home, I need to
know where you are."

And so I was like I can't
date this guy without

telling her.

So,

I told her and she was like

"Well, there's just one
thing that has to happen.

"I have to meet him."

- I told my mother.

She said there was
something wrong with me.

That I need to come
home and see a doctor.

I said "There ain't
nothing wrong with me."

I said "That's just who I am."

I didn't understand
why people wanted

to make me feel bad
about who you were.

I didn't have a problem with it

but other people seemed
to have a problem it.

Anyway, my mother never
let me come back home.

I never came back home.

- I had met this boy

at a gay bar downtown

that we had heard of, I
wasn't even old enough

to get in there but we
would go down there.

I kissed him in the parking lot

and then I found out he
lived two hours away from me.

So I got his address,
he got my address.

Every day, I would
write a letter to him.

I went upstairs
to talk to my mom

about registering
for college and I was

like "Hey mom, blah blah blah,
this is what's going on."

And she was standing
there washing dishes

with her back to me
and when I got to

the top of the stairs, and
she didn't turn around.

So I went downstairs
and I said to my dad,

I was like "Dad, what's
going on with mom?"

He was like "Come here and
sit down for a second."

So I went and sat
down next to him

and he said "Your mother
found some letters today."

He said "I have nothing
against gay people

"and gay people have never
done anything wrong to me.

"But I must act by
your mother's wishes

"and she wants you
to leave the house."

And it got really, really dark.

I was in my room
and I just felt,

I've never felt this again
like I felt that night.

It's still a little
hard to talk about.

(somber piano music)

(Donato weeping)

- I gave my parents a trip
for their anniversary.

"Go anywhere you
want in the country."

They decided they wanted to
come visit me in Chicago.

So all right, then
the weekend they pick

is Gay Pride weekend,
unbeknownst to them

and also I was in this
gay bowling tournament.

So they were like "Okay, we're
gonna come watch you bowl."

So my friends were telling me,

"Did you tell 'em what kind
of tournament this is?"

And I was like
"No" and it's like

"Well, they'll find out when
they get there" and my friends

are like "You should tell
them before they come."

So I was like oh, Lord.

So I picked 'em up
from the airport

and it's like okay, I
should probably tell them.

So I told my mother, I said

"It's kind of a gay
bowling tournament"

and she's like "Well
why are you in it?"

And it's like "Because
I'm kinda gay."

And so I did, so this started

the conversation of
"Don't tell your father."

So the next day I was
taking them to a Cubs game

in Chicago and she wrote
me a letter and (sniffling)

the one thing that
they didn't know

was that at the age of
21, I became HIV positive.

So that was in '85,
so I was also afraid

to tell them that because I
was afraid of their rejection.

So she didn't know
I was positive but

what she said in this letter was

she didn't want me to come home

if I ever got sick

and to just kinda
like not tell anybody.

Eventually things got better.

So then it took me
like five or six years

to tell 'em about the
HIV and they were okay

with that but I think that's
why for the longest time,

I felt very alone and
that's why I turned

to sex for validation
and eventually drugs

and that kinda thing
because I did feel

that there was inherently
something wrong with me.

(somber guitar music)

- I come from a family
that's a mixed bag.

Some have evolved into
very loving people

who don't have a racist
bone in their body.

But there's a large
chunk of my family

that is both racist and bigoted

and that didn't
exclude my stepdad

and he was very vocal
about the fact that

his new white son was a faggot.

He would always use

the word fag or faggot

whenever he disciplined
me and I think the most,

this was probably the
hardest experience actually.

It's having,

having somebody that you trust,

somebody in a
position to take care

of you actually hold
a gun to your head

and say that you deserved to die

because of who you
love basically.

And I was a kid, I was
between nine and 11.

I can't remember exactly
when it all went down but

no kid should be
told that by somebody

that's supposed to be
caring for them ever.

It doesn't stop there because
it went on to religious abuse.

I went into foster
care later on in life

and though my foster father
provided for me in every way,

like feed me, making
sure I had a roof,

I was constantly told
how I was going to hell

and how there was no
place in heaven for me

unless I fixed that part
of me that was wrong.

So my home was never safe.

(somber piano music)

- [Narrator] With the
Disarm Hate rally tomorrow,

the team has made it
to Washington D.C.

four days after they
left Los Angeles.

- What do you do when you've
never done something before?

Something that seems
insurmountable,

something that is so foreign
and huge and frightening

but you know deep down
inside you have to do it?

There's no other option,
no one else is doing it

and now I have all
these people here,

arriving here before
the sun came up today

and watching them put the
stage where I wanted it

and the banners going up and
hearing the generators turn on.

I mean something as simple as

seeing a row of
port-a-potties made me cry.

- That's Potomac Park.

- Here we are.

(relaxed electronic music)

- [Narrator] Jason's
Disarm Hate rally brings

together a wide range of
support from LGBTQ communities.

The team meets with
other activists

and other special
interest groups.

- I'm gonna give
you a good tour.

I am a co-founder of
Gays Against Guns.

- And how did it sort
of come about for you?

- Orlando happened and
then we were on Facebook

like we are always on Facebook
after some Orlando happens.

So I was like "Let's
start a group."

So it just sort of
happened like that.

It was like a catchy--
- It was a GAG.

- It was a GAG, girl.

A lot of times
people, journalists

want to talk about
our interaction with

the Pink Pistols and
the truth is I get it.

I totally get it
but it doesn't work.

First of all, the
math doesn't work.

If you look at the statistics,

you're two and 1/2
to 5 and 1/2 times

more likely to be shot if
you're in an altercation

with someone else with
a gun if you have a gun.

So that's, just math and logic

tell you it doesn't actually
work to protect you,

it makes you more
vulnerable to being shot.

- So talk about how it's
an action organization.

- We're a direct
action-oriented organization

and the reason is because
many of the people

involved with Gays
Against Guns come from

the tradition of Act
Up and Queer Nation.

- [Protesters] Hey, hey, NRA,

how many kids get killed today?

- I feel like the place where

the gays always won is culture.

So that's what
we're going to use.

We're gonna use
theatricality and we're gonna

use humor and we're
gonna use fucking glitter

and vogueing and whatever the
fuck, you know what I mean?

We're gonna use all of the
tools in our gay tool bag

to work against this
insane, insane problem.

- People are, you know,

"Second Amendment, you
can't take away my rights."

I don't want my rights
taken away as a gay man,

so I hear someone who says
"You can't take my gun."

I understand that
and I don't want

to take your gun but I
want to make it safe.

- I've been sort of making
it my personal mission

to engage with those
people on social media

in a public forum
where everyone can read

the conversation and
say "Listen, I know

"that you believe this
but here are the facts."

And I'm not trying to really

convince that person
that I'm talking to,

I'm trying to convince
everybody else

that's been reading
the thread because

if you see what they
say, they're coming

from a place of hate
and we're coming

from a place really
ultimately of compassion

and they accuse us
of being cowards

but the real cowardly act
is to hide behind the gun.

The real courage
is to go out there

and face everybody
without the gun.

(applauding)

- [Announcer] Ladies
and gentlemen,

I wanna introduce your host,

the founder of Disarm Hate 2016,

give it up for Mr. Jason Hayes.

- Everyone kept asking
me what do LGBTQ

equal rights and gun law reform
have to do with each other?

I used to just say a lot.

43,000, do you know
what that number is?

It's the estimated
number of hate crimes

against LGBTQ people
between the years

of 2010 and 2014
that involved a gun.

Now tell me again why those
two issues don't go together?

We must celebrate
August 13th as the day

that we stood up and
not look behind us

to the days that they fell down.

I'm passing the torch to you

and begging you to not
let the flame go out.

Sandy Hook, Alta
Vista, Columbine,

Orlando, Dallas, the
list goes on and on.

Don't let them
become yesterday's

headlines because
it happened again.

That's your choice
to make, thank you.

(crowd cheering)

- Disarm Hate.

What is it and how
does one do that?

- I think it's a
multi-tiered approach

if you're truly
looking to disarm hate

and I think we addressed
the first step today

and I think that's
admitting that we actually

have an anger problem
in this country.

I think we have to
kind of step back

and we owe each other
an apology, all of us.

Walking around as a white
gay man, I'm not gonna

stand here in denial that
white privilege exists.

That male privilege
over females exists.

That straight over gay people,
their privilege exists.

We've kind of created
this environment

but I don't think it
was created by us.

It was created by other people

so they could kind
of control us.

- My daughter was gunned
down with nine other people

and I do show a photo of
what my daughter looked like

after she was hit with an
assault rifle, an AK-47.

She was shot in the
head at close range,

also in the shoulder,
it's not a pretty picture

but that's the reality
of what gun violence is.

There is no it's a black
thing, it's a white thing,

it's a poor thing, it's
an inner cit thing,

it's a gang thing,
this is a human thing.

This is an American thing.
(crowd cheering)

- When Christopher was born, I
was a Michigan State Trooper.

When I went into labor,

the hospital placed my off
duty gun in a locked safe

and I didn't even think
of objecting because

I know that common sense
gun policies save lives.

Where were those policies
the day my son was murdered?

- So for those who
want to get involved,

what would you suggest?

What would be the
best course of action

for them to take if
they know that there's

a problem but they don't
know where to start?

- I think the
first thing we have

to start doing in this
country is speaking up.

You might see something posted

or you might be sitting
with your co-worker,

something as simple as that.

You're sitting with
your co-workers

and you hear them
say something racial,

something homophobic,
something Islamophobic

and you roll your eyes and you

get mad but you
don't say anything.

You're like oh, it's
not not worth the fight.

It is worth the fight
because they are

putting that out there and
by you not stopping it,

you're actually adding
your energy to that

and if you truly are
looking to change

what is happening
politically and why

these issues are
not being addressed,

I think the first thing you need

to do is get your
ass out and vote.

- After the devastating
shootings in Orlando,

my Democratic colleagues
and I held a sit-in

on the House floor demanding
action on gun safety.

We did it because like you,
we are fed up with inaction.

The person who killed
49 Americans in Orlando

committed horrible acts of
violence against his ex-wife.

He was investigated as a
potential terrorist by the FBI.

He was in virtually every
respect the last person

that we would want to have
access to legally buy a gun

and yet, he went into a gun
store and legally purchased

an assault weapon, a Glock
and huge amount of ammunition.

Now he didn't violate
any laws in the purchase

of these weapons because our
laws are not good enough.

- It was an amazing day.

There were a lot
of great speakers

and moments of inspiration
and in the spirit

of community, love,
joy and celebration,

I wanted to continue
to build on that.

So I saw that there
were a group of law

enforcement individuals that
were by one of the gates

and I thanked them for being
there and sharing that moment

with us and I asked if we
could take a picture together

and

I had probably some of the most

disgusting looks that
I've ever had in my life.

Two of the gentlemen
kind of stepped back

as they were shaking
their head no before

I could even finish my
thought or what I was asking.

(weeping)

I swear people are
just shit sometimes.

Like it really made me so upset.

- It was mostly Puerto
Ricans that died in Orlando.

We had Mexicans, we
had Central Americans,

we had black people that died.

We had undocumented
people that died

and their families couldn't
come to the burial.

When we talk about gun violence,

that affects
communities of color.

It affects black people,
it affects Latinos.

So we need to center
those people as well.

- There was that coalition

of queer Latina-Latino
LGBT people.

It was great because
it really helped me

kinda piece together a little
more of my own narrative

and how it fits in with
everything else here.

- Before I came,
I wasn't too sure

about the progress
we can make but

the speakers were very
inspiring and gave me hope.

It inspires me too,
looking up and seeing

that Monument and all
the history that's here

and all the things that
changed because people came,

they spoke up and came to

Washington D.C. and
said "You know what?

"We're not gonna accept
this, it's unacceptable."

- It's time to Disarm Hate,

Disarm Hate,

Disarm Hate!

Thank you.

- [Asher] We embarked
on this journey

because we were
tired of the silence,

wanted to stir the pot of apathy

and really speak
for our community.

The African proverb goes,

"When spider webs unite,
they can tie up a lion."

- As far as the overall
turnout of the rally,

I'm just really amazed at
how many allies were there.

There were college
students and people

that were heterosexual and
married couples and children.

When I see people that
don't look like me,

that don't talk like
me, that don't share

the same lived
experience as me stand

for my rights and

they are advocating for me

to be able to occupy space
and live authentically,

that means that we're
getting really close

to change and to truly ending
the vicious cycle of hate.

(relaxed piano music)

- [Julianna] I cannot
believe we made it.

- [Rusty] I'm so
happy we got here.

- On this journey
we learned firsthand

how disproportionately LGBTQs
are affected by gun violence.

The most important thing is that

vulnerable members of
our community are safe.

They need our help in creating
meaningful gun reform.

- I know, it looks good.

- Let's balance that.
- Yeah, balance it.

- [Everyone] One, two
three, Disarm Hate!

(cheering)

- A family was created today.

I brought together people
who would never have met.

We changed how people
see each other.

But not by arguing,
not by fighting.

We did it by simply focusing on

the things that
make us the same,

not the things that make us
different and for some people,

that's dancing with
reckless abandon.

For some people, it's just

reaching out and holding
the hand of a stranger

and my hope is that
Disarm Hate does more

than just stop gun violence,
that we truly do that,

we actually take
hate's power away.

Because if we can do
something like that,

we won't need people like
me to do another rally.

We won't need rallies.

We'll have each other.

(relaxed guitar music)

* Tell me your secrets,
I'll tell you mine *

* Let me under your skin

* Like you're under mine

* I can't sleep with
secrets left to divine *

* Tell me your secrets,
I'll tell you mine *

* What are you dreaming

* Maybe we're
dreaming the same *

* Hidden in shadow

* Lies great shame

* Restless dreams

* Not yet attained

* Unburden your heart and
let loose the chains *

* Secrets buried

* Breed pain

* Nothing risked,
nothing gained *

* Tell me your secrets,
the deep dark kind *

* Whisper yours, I'll
relinquish mine *

* Secrets

* Misery and mystery wilt
when true love shines *

* True love

* Tell me your secrets,
I'll tell you mine *

(upbeat guitar music)