Original subtitles

[siren wailing] [police radio chatter]

[camera shutter clicking]

[Detective Johnson] I've never seen anything like this before.

What even is it?

It's a dick bone, Johnson.

I thought you transferred districts.

You can't get rid of me that easily.

Listen...about that night...

You want me to forget about it? I can't.

Your warm breath...on the back of my neck...

The heat of the back of the squad car...

The thrill of it happening in front of theatergoers

coming out of the show.

Pippin...

We should get back to work.

How the hell you know this was a dick bone?

Because...it's my husband's.

[exclaiming, laughter]

Just think, it's a pretty big twist, huh?

It's actually not that bad, Edmund.

I love him!

I wanna bend that Detective Johnson over a bench.

And the costumes!? Oh my god, I love your jorts!

Oh, thank you, Brenda.

And that Detective Gina,

oh, she looks just like that woman in your office.

We saw her in the mall a couple weeks ago.

What's her name? That name.

The woman with the hair.

I don't know, uh, Mayray? Or someone...

Mayray? What kind of name is Mayray?

I don't know. Ask her mother.

There's a lot of people in the office

to keep track of, you know, 'cause I'm so--

? Busy at work Busy at work ?

Well, this is just so exciting,

to--to be screening this with an actual star!

Oh, no. Thank you, but,

yes, I was recently named one of Babe.net's

100 actors who can ethically play bisexual.

-Oh! -[laughs]

Nora, you should come visit me on set sometime.

I can't. I'm being catapulted,

the Coney Island Boardwalk.

Just shut up and come. Who else wants wine?

Oh, I do, I do! Tell me more about the costumes.

How many pair of jorts do you have?

[Edmund] Well, my character has work jorts and home jorts.

[Brenda] Oh, wow...

So you haven't told Brenda that you lost your job yet?

No, Mom.

Well, enough with the guitar! Go get yourself a fucking job!

Shut the fuck up, Mom! Leave me alone!

I'm going to my room!

Yeah, do that!

? Do it, baby ?

? Do it, do it baby ?

? Do it, baby ?

? Do it, do it baby ?

? Do it, baby ?

[Nora] Damn. This set is huge.

It's so much bigger than the last one we were on.

This is big time, bruh.

Oh, and there's my favorite perk!

-That's my PA, Juan. -Aww, he's so cute.

I know, right? But I would never.

Because you're his direct supervisor, right?

No, because we're both bottoms.

But that's okay, because now that I'm a verified actor,

I am simply drowning in tops.

Look, there's countless pick me gays

just in my DMs.

I'm like a broken Coney Island pop-a-shot.

Just one swipe to play, unlimited balls to score.

Hey, Edmund.

-Points! -Mm-hmm...

You guys are so-- so sexual on set.

Since when did you get so cocky and horny at the same time?

Nora, I was a two-bit Tammy--

bloated, depressed,

one eye bigger than the other sometimes,

eating various French cheeses

because no one wanted to fuck me.

I mean, I used to compare myself to everybody,

even when I thought I was happy, but...

I don't know.

Now I have this inner self-confidence, this...

inner self-love. Hm.

What about you, Cuz?

You still working at that gas station?

Deli. And yes, still there.

Eight months later, still not commuting

outside of a 10-block radius.

That's okay, though. I mean...

what else would you be doing?

I don't know.

Oh my god, I have to show you my two-banger.

God, have you had sex with every department?

That's my trailer, you dumb-dumb!

-Oh, your trailer. -Yeah.

[Wally] All right, Wally...

Time to get a job.

[exhales]

Oh, let's do this.

I have more than 30 years IT experience.

Fantastic.

So which language is your specialty?

-Huh? -Chinese or English?

What language? Uh, English.

But Chinese, uh, a few words here and there.

Yikes.

We thought you, like, full blown spoke Mando.

No, but I do definitely speak the language of computers.

Yeah...

This probably won't work out.

Well, I did daily backups on encrypted servers

and data analysis on every remote transfer

over 1 gig.

What was your name again, dude?

Uh...Wally.

I don't know.

I get it.

[Gino coughs]

I've got a lot of contenders for this job position, Wally.

Yeah, well, yeah. [laughs nervously]

I come into work every day, and I look in the mirror,

and I am proud to say--

[has a coughing fit]

You okay, there?

Look, my first wife always said,

you keep working in that used car dealership,

you're gonna turn into a used car dealership!

[both laugh]

[Gino] Oh, god...

Wait, she would say you would physically turn into

a used car dealership?

Anyway, if you want the job, you got the job.

We'll need you to change some printer ink

and install cameras in the unisex toilets.

Spit shake on it.

I gotta go.

It was nice meeting you, though.

[Edmund] So you've been having weird recurring dreams,

and you're feeling a little depressed?

I guess.

Welcome to living, right? [laughs]

Yeah.

Would a bag of free swag make you feel better?

Look!

I got this from a self-actualization retreat.

It was fantastic. All the best were there.

It was like, Esther Perel, Tony Robbins,

the "Hi, I'm Your Korean Dad" guy from TikTok.

Oh my god, crystals,

Maslow's hierarchy mug,

anti-stress set for the lactose intolerant.

Oh, and a DNA test.

Oh, like the ones that tell you about your ethnicity?

You know, I've always wanted to take one of these.

I'm sure it'll just say that

you're a whole bunch of Chinese, so...

You never know, Nora.

I had a friend take one of these,

and she found out her parents weren't her parents,

and she had, like, 65 siblings.

It looks like the rest of these are just books.

And you probably wouldn't want any of those.

Why not?

Why wouldn't I want a books? A book?

I don't know, you just don't really

strike me as a reader. [chuckles]

I mean, do you read?

-Yes! -Okay.

[Nora] Yes, I know how to read!

I've read.

I've read a thousand lifetimes.

I read all the time.

Okay, name a book.

It's okay, there aren't that many books.

Yeah.

[laughs]

There's not even words in this one.

-It's a journal. -Okay.

[punchy beat]

[mellow electronic music]

[electronic doorbell rings]

[strums on guitar]

[Man] Hey man, you work here?

Oh, [chuckles] No, I just--

Do you know what size string I should use?

Oh, well, uh, that just depends on what you're playing.

If you're playing blues, or country, or rock,

then you wanna bend the string a little bit,

you wanna go thinner, like a 9.

That's for the high E.

If you're just starting out,

I would just get a set of the 10-46's.

Wow, very thorough. Cheers, dude.

[Wally] Sure.

[continues strumming]

Hey, bud! You're making us look bad.

Oh...

I'm just joshin' ya.

You seem like a real enthusiast.

I, uh, don't know if you saw the sign,

but we're hiring,

if you ever thought about jamming for a living.

-No, I just-- -Yeah, you are.

[intensifying music]

We're unique in that our customer base

is like none other.

It's just a constant mix of midlife crisis guys,

stressed-out parents,

and a few zany locals

who routinely have explosive diarrhea

in our staff restrooms.

Oh, wow.

What about the employees?

[laughs] Well, it's a bit like high school--

in a totally not creepy way, that is.

Pretty much everyone's a freak, except for us guitar dudes.

Hey--oh.

Don't get into any kind of conversation

with the brass trolls.

It's definitely Sondheim adjacent,

and your dress reminds me of that very song.

Would you like to pull up a seat?

We've got DJ lighting and sound.

Total douchebags, if you ask me.

Just a bunch of electronica burnouts

who love vaping and Frooty Loops.

Like, why is he wearing sunglasses indoors?

[Patrick] Fuck you, Constantine!

Here we have keyboards.

Kevin...

What are you doing, buddy?

Tuning the keyboards.

Cool.

It's best not to argue with him.

[ding]

Kevin's dope, but don't talk to Tomiko.

She is very angry.

She slapped Michael from drums.

Jesus...

All in all, it's a good gig.

It's all about the music and the ladies.

That lady?

[Constantine] Not that specific lady, but also why not?

Okay! I'll leave you to it.

[rock music]

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I've never seen you with a book before.

Can you even read one?

Okay, why does everyone think that I can't read?

Well, why you squinting?

It's like I can't read, you know?

-Ah, see-- -No!

I meant I-I can't see.

It's my brain, not my eyes.

I mean, it's my eyes, not my brain.

Yeah, well, other kids would've said, stupid!

[giggles]

You know what? You know what, Grandmother?

I am going to go retire to my reading nook,

which is a nook in my bedroom that is dedicated to the arts.

-Goodbye! -Nerd.

[low-key beat]

[mellow electronic music]

Ah, I can't see shit.

What is a "forward"?

You know what?

They'll still be in here.

Ooh, here's my babies.

Okay, here we go. Ah.

[Bob] Bob has a great life.

But he has a friend, Rob,

who's much more successful than Bob.

And this makes Bob sad. Why is that?

Why is that?

Thank you, mister. You're the best.

[Wally] You're welcome.

And just meet me down there,

and I'm gonna fix you up with a gig bag, all right?

Good luck.

First sale, huh? Yeah, baby!

Never forget your first.

Mine was a violinist

who wanted the sheet music to Jurassic Park .

Aww, I love Jurassic Park .

Same.

[door opens] [electronic doorbell rings]

Oh, shit.

[suspenseful music]

[hip-hop music]

[Neighbor] Hey, Nora! I can see your bush!

[Nora] Oh...

Hey, bud!

[Bob] Bob loves riding his bike.

But then one day, he sees his neighbor, Rob,

driving in a cool car.

So Bob gets a cool car.

[coins jingle] [engine revs]

[Bob] Bob loves driving his cool car.

But then one day, he sees Rob taking off in an awesome plane.

Bob hates his car now.

He wants to buy a new plane.

Don't hate your car.

[Bob] Bob loves flying his plane.

But then one day, he sees Rob waving at him

from a rocket ship going to space.

[gasps] A rocket ship!

How does he afford that?

Is he a weapons dealer?

[Bob] Bob can't afford a rocket ship.

And this makes him sad.

Poor little guy.

[Bob] But then he sees a happy kid riding a bike and...

[bike bell rings]

[Bob] ...it reminds him of how he used to be.

[sighs]

[mellow beat]

Whoa! Beautiful woman.

-I bet she rocks. -She totally rocks.

Ooh, she's coming over here. Be cool.

Hey, would you have guitar tabs for Abbey Road ?

[high-pitched voice] Yes!

[clears throat] [normal voice] I mean, yes.

-I can get those for you. -Great. Thanks.

So is this for yourself or a special dude or lady?

No, it's, um, ah, my fianc�?

Yeah, he's getting into the guitar lately, yeah.

But he's, um, he's-- he's not very good, so...

he needs help. I need help, so...

Lucky him. Lucky you.

Lucky everyone.

Luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck.

Uh, here, my lady. This is, uh, 23.95.

Thank you.

Oh! Hotel California.

That album is a classic.

-Yeah! -The Eagles.

Yeah. Bye.

-What about The Eagles? -What about The Eagles?

[rock music]

[electronic doorbell rings]

[rock music]

Man, can you believe that lady?

She rocks.

She totally rocks.

Fellas, that was a close one. Listen, I gotta tell you--

I'm so inspired by that lady! Man, I just--

I just...

We need to jam!

[guitar tuning]

[drumming]

[rock guitar intro]

I got a story for you folks.

A-one! A-two!

[feedback]

Constantine, what did I tell you about singing on the job?

Get back to work, you dumb shits.

What is this? Woodstock?

-Great first day, Wally. -Ah, thanks.

-I'm glad you joined our team. -Mm-hmm.

Oh, I forgot to ask,

we got a work retreat coming up in a couple months.

Lake Placid, baby! You wanna come?

That's real nice, Constantine,

but I don't think I'll still be here then.

-Really? -Yeah,

I think I really like hanging with you, with the guys, but...

this is a temporary gig.

Wherever the winds blow your sails, my man.

I'm just lucky I found my place here.

[rock music on radio]

-Great first day. -[chuckles] Thanks.

[crickets chirping]

[Edmund] I have an announcement to make.

And it's...even shocking to myself.

My DNA Map results came back in.

Okay, excuse me, how is that possible?

You sent those results in yesterday.

well, they expedite it for celebrities.

-No, they don't! -Yes, they do!

That's not even a rule.

I paid an extra $1200, so shut the hell up.

Eww!

Guys, I am...

Icelandic!

[Family] What!?

Oh, Edmund, there's no way you're Icelandic.

No, Grandma, I have the DNA proof right here.

See, my results say Chinese and Icelandic.

How is that even possible?

I don't know, but, you know, Bj�rk is Icleandic,

and she looks kind of Asian.

Plus, it's just so...validating and life affirming, really,

because I always knew I was different.

I have my vestigial tail.

Mm, yes, I one time put it in an electrical outlet,

and you went bzzzz!

Anyway, my results also say

that I have relatives in Iceland,

which means I have to go visit them!

I mean, I'm wrapping week 84 of Love and Order--

the last week, of course--

and I have a two-month hiatus before season two.

The timing is perfect.

Nora, do you wanna come with me?

No, I-I can't, because I work a lot,

and I'm trying to save money,

and also, I don't care that much.

-I'll pay for everything. -Okay, yeah, I'll go.

-Thank you, Nora. -Mm.

It will be so nice to have family there to support me

on my...pilgrimage of the soul.

You can even learn a little Icelandic.

Well, Grandma... [speaks Icelandic]

Beautiful language.

Hey, there.

What the fuck!?

Bob?

Still busy comparing yourself to others and feeling shitty?

Yes.

And actually, your self-help book

didn't self-help me much either.

And it's actually kind of stupid.

That's because you're not good at critical thinking.

Excuse me, bitch?

The message I wanted to leave you with is

even though your life feels stagnant

and your confidence is low,

and your opportunities will only shrink with age...

Is there a comma there?

But the act of reading, retaining information,

and even seeking out help is all that matters, Nora.

Oh, thank you. Yes, that is...

That's true, yes.

Um...thank you.

It's good that you're going to Iceland.

You should focus on yourself, boo.

Not others.

You're right, Bob. Yeah, no,

I do need a vacation. I do need a vacation, so...

Okay, sister! Do you!

Hey, you're not gonna, like...live in my mind now

and come sing songs with me at night, right?

Uh, stop. Why would I do that?

I don't know why you do

the...fucking things you do, Bob.

I'mma head out now.

Hey--

I thought you didn't have a rocket ship.

[Bob] I got a line of credit!

Wow, I gotta stop talking allergy meds.

A-one! A-two!

A-skibbly-diddly-do!

[ The Weight intro]

? I pulled into Nazareth ?

? Was feelin' about half past dead ?

? I just need some place where I can lay my head ?

? "Hey, mister, can you tell me ?

? where a man might find a bed?" ?

? He just grinned and shook my hand ?

? And "no" was all he said ?

? Take a load off, Fanny ?

? Take a load for free ?

? Take a load off, Fanny ?

? And ?

? And ?

? You put the load right on me ?

[outro]

[Man] Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?

[music]

? MTV ?

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