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1
00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:12,909
That cheeseburger?
2
00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:14,600
No.
3
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,021
Ravioli?
4
00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:22,401
No.
5
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:23,851
Uh-uh.
6
00:00:31,962 --> 00:00:34,551
I'm gonna go with
spinach quiche.
7
00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:35,690
Not even close.
8
00:00:36,864 --> 00:00:38,210
Baba ganoush.
Ooh!
9
00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:55,158
♪ Tell me why
10
00:00:55,296 --> 00:00:56,987
♪ I love you like I do
11
00:00:57,126 --> 00:00:58,851
♪ Tell me who
12
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:01,578
♪ Can stop my heart
as much as you
13
00:01:01,716 --> 00:01:03,856
♪ 'Cause I don't have
the answers
14
00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:05,927
♪ I don't have a plan
15
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,102
♪ All I have is you,
so, baby
16
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,586
♪ Help me understand
17
00:01:09,724 --> 00:01:11,692
♪ What we do
18
00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:13,659
♪ You can whisper
in my ear
19
00:01:13,797 --> 00:01:15,799
♪ Where we go
20
00:01:15,937 --> 00:01:18,388
♪ Who knows what happens
after here?
21
00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:20,390
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
22
00:01:20,528 --> 00:01:23,738
♪ And jump
into the final frontier ♪
23
00:01:28,571 --> 00:01:31,574
I love this collar.
It's so soft and nice.
24
00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:32,678
I can't believe
25
00:01:32,816 --> 00:01:34,266
You spent that kind
of money on a coat.
26
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:35,647
Here, put the baby
right there.
27
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,166
Sweetie, it's a coat.
28
00:01:37,304 --> 00:01:39,478
I'm out a-drinkin'
and a-gamblin'.
29
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:41,480
You know, it's
an outer garment
30
00:01:41,618 --> 00:01:43,586
I'm using to protect
myself from the elements.
31
00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:44,828
Well, I think
it's indulgent.
32
00:01:44,966 --> 00:01:46,347
Do you know
how much money
33
00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:47,521
it's gonna cost to get
a college education
34
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,626
by the time Mabel's 18?
35
00:01:49,764 --> 00:01:51,525
Yeah, and by the way,
I bought some water
36
00:01:51,663 --> 00:01:53,078
to sustain my body weight.
37
00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:54,217
I hope that was all right.
38
00:01:54,355 --> 00:01:55,736
You know what
I'm talking about.
39
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,393
You're not exactly
careful with money.
40
00:01:57,531 --> 00:01:59,602
I got 50 bucks that
says that's crazy.
41
00:02:01,017 --> 00:02:03,709
Look what
we found, $100.
42
00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:04,814
Oh, my god!
43
00:02:04,952 --> 00:02:06,126
Where'd
you find $100?
44
00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:07,713
Right here
in the restaurant,
45
00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,094
right on the way in.
46
00:02:09,232 --> 00:02:10,544
Did you ask if it
belonged to anybody?
47
00:02:10,682 --> 00:02:12,166
Sure, but, they
all said no.
48
00:02:12,304 --> 00:02:15,100
A very high quality of
personage you get in here.
49
00:02:15,238 --> 00:02:16,619
Yeah. How'd you
pick this place?
50
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:17,792
We flipped a coin.
51
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:18,966
You're kidding?
52
00:02:19,104 --> 00:02:20,519
No, just flipped a coin.
We narrowed it down.
53
00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:22,280
It was either this
or a Mexican place
on third avenue
54
00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:25,283
That- that has burritos
the size of your head.
55
00:02:26,491 --> 00:02:28,976
Hi, I'm Steven.
I'll be your server
today.
56
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:30,219
What'll
it be today?
57
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,014
Muffins or, breadsticks?
58
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:35,327
Ooh! A choice.
Um,
59
00:02:35,465 --> 00:02:36,949
Do you want-
60
00:02:37,087 --> 00:02:38,572
Hey, you know what,
here's how we settle
it. Very simple,
61
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,884
watch what we do.
Muffins or, breadstick,
you're saying.
62
00:02:41,022 --> 00:02:42,023
Watch this.
63
00:02:42,817 --> 00:02:43,784
Muffins.
64
00:02:43,922 --> 00:02:45,199
Muffins it is.
65
00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:47,201
This is- ha, ha-
this is so liberating.
66
00:02:47,339 --> 00:02:49,617
It is. You just
flip a coin,
make a decision.
67
00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:50,963
You can't live that way.
68
00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:52,655
Let's go
to Atlantic city.
What?
69
00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:54,346
Yeah, to gamble
the $100.
70
00:02:54,484 --> 00:02:55,727
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't know.
71
00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:58,143
Oh, come on, Burt,
we're playing
with house money.
72
00:02:58,281 --> 00:03:01,042
House money? Where-
where did you learn
an expression like that?
73
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,736
We have riverboat night
at the community center.
74
00:03:04,874 --> 00:03:06,738
Let's flip the coin
to decide if they should go.
75
00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:08,498
Heads we go,
tails we stay.
76
00:03:08,636 --> 00:03:10,500
All right, here
we go. And,
77
00:03:10,638 --> 00:03:11,743
Atlantic city,
you're going.
78
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:13,158
Whoo!
79
00:03:13,296 --> 00:03:14,746
Hey, everybody.
80
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:18,094
I'd like you to meet
my friend Molly and
her son Logan.
81
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,510
What, you're dating
a woman with a child?
82
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:25,170
You know, mom, they're
actually at the table.
83
00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:28,104
Ira and I are
just old friends.
84
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,313
That's right. Hey, make
yourself comfortable, kid.
85
00:03:30,451 --> 00:03:33,661
Paulie, do me a favor.
Ask Logan a math question.
86
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:34,800
A math question?
87
00:03:34,938 --> 00:03:36,457
Yeah, yeah, I'm serious.
Go ahead. Anything.
88
00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:42,532
All right, uh,
what- what is, uh,
418 times 642?
89
00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:45,225
268,356.
90
00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:48,883
That's right.
91
00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:51,576
Muffins.
92
00:03:51,714 --> 00:03:52,956
Thank you very much.
93
00:03:53,094 --> 00:03:54,337
PAUL: Okay, all right,
94
00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:55,580
JAMIE: What?
just a second,
everybody.
95
00:03:55,718 --> 00:03:56,615
Look at my muffin.
96
00:03:56,753 --> 00:03:57,720
What about it?
97
00:03:57,858 --> 00:04:00,170
My muffin
looks like Madonna.
98
00:04:01,655 --> 00:04:02,690
It does not.
99
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:03,795
From Evita?
100
00:04:04,347 --> 00:04:05,314
Oh, my god!
101
00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:10,905
I don't see it.
102
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,044
From Evita.
103
00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:13,494
Oh, yeah.
104
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:15,772
I mean, this is wild.
105
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,775
we flip a coin
and pick a restaurant
where you guys find $100,
106
00:04:18,913 --> 00:04:21,606
we flip it again
to pick muffins
over breadsticks,
107
00:04:21,744 --> 00:04:24,402
and you end up with
a muffin that looks
exactly like Madonna.
108
00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,162
Oh, scary.
109
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,301
Paul?
110
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:29,476
Paul Buchman.
111
00:04:29,614 --> 00:04:31,167
Yeah, yeah,
Lou, how are
you doing?
112
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,306
How are you?
113
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:33,928
It's been a while.
How you been, sir?
114
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,792
Great, great.
I'm working over
115
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,623
At the television
news magazine show
Hard Editionnow.
116
00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:39,831
Oh, is that right?
117
00:04:39,969 --> 00:04:40,866
Yeah,
Hard Edition.
118
00:04:41,004 --> 00:04:42,143
Good, good, good.
119
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,973
Just started over
at Hard Edition.
120
00:04:44,111 --> 00:04:47,804
Trying to get my first
segment produced over
there at Hard Edition.
121
00:04:48,495 --> 00:04:49,910
Good, good for you.
122
00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:51,394
Okay.
123
00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:56,537
So, uh, you know
my wife Jamie.
124
00:04:56,675 --> 00:04:58,401
Oh, for heaven's sake.
I'm so sorry.
125
00:04:58,539 --> 00:04:59,575
Lou Bonaparte,
Hard Edition.
126
00:04:59,713 --> 00:05:00,783
Yeah.
127
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:01,887
My folks.
128
00:05:02,025 --> 00:05:03,061
Lou Bonaparte,
Hard Edition.
129
00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:04,994
You know, Paul, uh,
130
00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:06,720
I couldn't help
but, overhear you saying
131
00:05:06,858 --> 00:05:08,722
you had miraculously
received a muffin
132
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:10,862
That looks exactly
like the Madonna?
133
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,140
No, not the Madonna,
Madonna the singer.
134
00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:14,279
Oh.
135
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:16,143
I don't see it.
136
00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:17,282
From Evita.
137
00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:18,559
I see it!
138
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,562
It's miraculous, Paul.
139
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,254
This- this
could be a sign
from the almighty.
140
00:05:25,463 --> 00:05:26,705
Do you understand
what we're saying?
141
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,569
It's Madonna
the singer.
142
00:05:28,707 --> 00:05:31,261
Exactly. Not
Celine Dion or, Lou Rawls
143
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,092
Or, someone whose name
has no religious
underpinning whatsoever.
144
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:35,196
Madonna, Paul.
145
00:05:36,508 --> 00:05:38,855
And you say you haven't
had a segment produced
yet, huh?
146
00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:41,858
Lou, there's-
147
00:05:41,996 --> 00:05:43,446
Paul, what are your
plans for the muffin?
148
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,172
Um, um,
149
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:47,174
plans? I don't know
that we have plans, Lou.
150
00:05:47,312 --> 00:05:49,797
A little butter, have some
coffee with the muffin.
That's about it.
151
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:53,007
Oh, that muffin has
Hard Edition
written all over it,
152
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,284
and I'm telling you,
we'll pay you for it.
153
00:05:54,423 --> 00:05:55,596
We'll pay you
handsomely for it,
154
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:57,149
for the exclusive
rights to a story
on the muffin.
155
00:05:57,633 --> 00:05:58,703
Handsomely?
156
00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:00,290
Embarrassingly
handsomely.
157
00:06:00,429 --> 00:06:05,157
Wow! Enough maybe
to sock away for, oh,
our daughter's education?
158
00:06:05,295 --> 00:06:07,332
Look at that? What,
I'm against education
for my daughter?
159
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:09,645
No, I'm saying he's
gonna pay us handsomely.
160
00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:10,749
Yeah, 'cause they
have no integrity.
161
00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:14,339
So you're worried about
the integrity of the muffin?
162
00:06:14,477 --> 00:06:15,444
Do you want-
163
00:06:18,516 --> 00:06:20,138
Here's how
we settle it.
Watch this.
164
00:06:20,276 --> 00:06:21,277
Ready?
165
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:27,697
Can you tell us, was
there any special way
the coin was chosen?
166
00:06:29,596 --> 00:06:31,460
No, Lou, there
really was not.
167
00:06:31,598 --> 00:06:34,739
Um, I needed
a quarter
168
00:06:34,877 --> 00:06:36,188
'cause I was
doing laundry,
169
00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:37,707
and we were
trying to pick
a restaurant,
170
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:40,434
so I just
reached into
the change bowl.
171
00:06:42,263 --> 00:06:43,955
Fantastic. So,
172
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,478
so, in a way,
this is the coin
of destiny.
173
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,585
Lou, what would I
have to say to you
174
00:06:53,723 --> 00:06:54,931
to make this less
of a big deal?
175
00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:57,417
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
176
00:06:57,555 --> 00:07:00,281
I'm with you,
I'm with you. For want
of a load of laundry
177
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,767
the coin of destiny
was born.
178
00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:06,805
And from that
coin of destiny,
an epic muffin.
179
00:07:06,943 --> 00:07:08,324
And from
the epic muffin-
180
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,844
All right,
both of you,
just stop it.
181
00:07:10,982 --> 00:07:12,293
Why can't you
just believe?
182
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,536
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
183
00:07:13,674 --> 00:07:15,435
Excuse me. Lou, you
think you pretty much
184
00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:16,677
have everything
you need now?
185
00:07:16,815 --> 00:07:18,645
Nope. Tip of the iceberg,
my friend.
186
00:07:18,783 --> 00:07:19,715
Okay.
187
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,682
Hey.
Hi
188
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:23,443
Paulie, can I talk
to you for a minute?
Sure.
189
00:07:23,581 --> 00:07:24,961
Yes, and when
you're talking to Paul,
190
00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:26,135
you can talk
to Hard Edition.
191
00:07:26,273 --> 00:07:27,619
If you don't mind,
just Paul.
192
00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:28,724
All right, sir.
193
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:30,967
What's up?
194
00:07:31,105 --> 00:07:32,900
Let me ask you something.
195
00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:34,592
What did you think
of Logan?
196
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:35,938
Nice kid,
like him, nice.
197
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:37,284
Yeah, that's all?
198
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,148
Like a human abacus,
but-
199
00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:42,634
Just nice, nice kid.
Why?
200
00:07:42,772 --> 00:07:44,498
I- I think
he might be my son.
201
00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:47,570
I'm sorry.
What, what, what?
202
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:50,504
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
Molly, she's not sure
who Logan's father is, see.
203
00:07:50,642 --> 00:07:52,230
And he's 12 years old,
204
00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:56,027
and it was about 12 years
and 9 months ago that
Molly and I were together.
205
00:07:56,165 --> 00:07:57,925
In my life, I've never
heard you mention Molly.
206
00:07:58,063 --> 00:07:59,409
It was just
a one-time thing.
207
00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:01,135
It was during
"hands across America."
208
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,762
You mean, during-
during the actual
demonstration?
209
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,246
Yeah.
210
00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:09,489
Okay, see,
here's the thing.
211
00:08:09,627 --> 00:08:10,731
You were just supposed
to be holding hands.
212
00:08:13,078 --> 00:08:16,979
Come on, you're standing
with a cute girl in a ditch
holding hands.
213
00:08:17,117 --> 00:08:18,981
Any moron could
close that deal.
214
00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:23,641
Hey, how come you just
got one kind of mustard?
215
00:08:24,434 --> 00:08:25,919
Because we're cavemen.
216
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:28,715
What- what- what- what
are you gonna do
about this now?
217
00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:31,200
I'm gonna go down
after this and
get a blood test.
218
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,685
Wow! You know what?
219
00:08:33,823 --> 00:08:34,859
I'll bet you
it's nothing.
220
00:08:34,997 --> 00:08:36,067
I'll bet you you'll
be free and clear.
221
00:08:36,205 --> 00:08:37,896
Yeah, but, Paulie,
here's the thing.
222
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,692
I'm not sure I want it
to be free and clear.
223
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:41,797
What are you
talking about?
224
00:08:41,935 --> 00:08:43,661
I mean I like this kid.
I really do.
225
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:47,147
And it's strange.
I feel like a connection
with him. I cant explain it.
226
00:08:47,285 --> 00:08:49,632
Ha ha. Ira, Ira, Ira,
Ira, Ira, Ira.
227
00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:50,737
What?
228
00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,118
Let me explain
something to you.
229
00:08:53,256 --> 00:08:55,845
Fatherhood is a very
complicated thing.
230
00:08:55,983 --> 00:08:58,261
You don't just walk
into a relationship.
231
00:08:58,399 --> 00:08:59,780
There's a lot of-
there's building-
232
00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:01,541
Cut it out,
will ya?
233
00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:03,784
What do you think?
I know that.
234
00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:06,442
You think this is some-
some goofball impulse?
235
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,514
I am profoundly moved
by the notion that this
could by my flesh and blood,
236
00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:12,552
and I'm deeply, deeply
drawn to him as a parent.
237
00:09:12,690 --> 00:09:14,968
Okay, okay, I'm,
I'm sorry.
238
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,694
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
239
00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:22,216
Hey, Marvin.
240
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,424
I want to talk
to the coin.
241
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,048
Oh, for god's sake,
Marvin.
242
00:09:26,186 --> 00:09:29,638
Ask the coin if I should
call my ex-girlfriend
one more time.
243
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,194
Marvin,
it's- it's a coin.
244
00:09:34,332 --> 00:09:36,403
No, it's not.
It's the coin
of destiny.
245
00:09:37,922 --> 00:09:39,061
It's a quarter.
246
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:41,201
You used to be
a lot wackier.
247
00:09:44,756 --> 00:09:46,862
All right, Marv, okay, yes,
it is the coin of destiny,
248
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,830
but, it's the coin
of very small destiny.
249
00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:52,212
You know, it's the coin of
muffins versus breadsticks.
250
00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:55,146
It is not the coin
of life decisions.
251
00:09:55,284 --> 00:09:56,216
Thanks, Paul.
252
00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:57,597
Oh, honey.
253
00:09:57,735 --> 00:09:59,150
All right, all right,
Marvin, Marvin, all right.
254
00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:01,393
How many times have
you called her already?
255
00:10:01,531 --> 00:10:02,843
Uh,
256
00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:04,120
That one
doesn't count,
257
00:10:04,707 --> 00:10:05,846
18.
258
00:10:07,054 --> 00:10:08,538
Yikes!
259
00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:11,921
Okay, Marvin, the coin
feels you should
seek counseling.
260
00:10:14,061 --> 00:10:15,304
Flip it, please?
261
00:10:15,442 --> 00:10:16,477
All right,
all right,
all right.
262
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,996
Heads you
don't call her,
263
00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:19,722
and tails,
give her a call.
264
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,482
Heads!
So definitely
the answer is
265
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,622
Don't call her.
266
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,002
Flip it again.
267
00:10:25,245 --> 00:10:26,177
Heads.
268
00:10:26,315 --> 00:10:27,316
Flip it again.
269
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,008
Heads.
270
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:31,458
Flip it again.
271
00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:32,873
Marvin, don't do
this to yourself.
Just go ahead.
272
00:10:33,978 --> 00:10:35,393
Heads.
273
00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:38,430
Okay, all right,
let's test the coin.
274
00:10:39,086 --> 00:10:41,192
Let's see, ask it
275
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:45,299
If I'm a 5'1"
Swedish woman.
276
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:50,028
Tails.
Wow!
277
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,202
Stupid coin.
278
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:53,549
Hey, hey, hey,
don't insult the coin.
279
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,379
Note to self. Coin may be
bigger story than muffin.
280
00:10:57,829 --> 00:11:00,176
Lou, I'll give you $100
to just get out of here.
281
00:11:00,314 --> 00:11:01,868
Yeah. Just throw
our money around.
282
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:03,007
[PHONE RINGS]
283
00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:04,146
Hello.
284
00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:05,250
BURT: Paulie?
285
00:11:05,388 --> 00:11:06,286
Hey, pop.
Where are you?
286
00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:07,736
Atlantic city.
287
00:11:07,874 --> 00:11:08,978
Atlantic city?
Winning or, losing?
288
00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:10,290
Winning!
289
00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:11,360
Oh, really?
How much?
290
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,328
$9,500.
291
00:11:15,191 --> 00:11:17,711
You guys won $9,500?
292
00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:19,368
BURT: yeah, yeah.
Oh, we have to go.
293
00:11:19,506 --> 00:11:20,714
All right.
You know what?
294
00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:21,784
Go and enjoy it.
295
00:11:21,922 --> 00:11:22,958
Okay. Bye.
296
00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:25,581
That is the coin
of destiny.
297
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:26,651
Stop it.
298
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:27,721
You still don't
believe it?
299
00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:28,791
No, I don't
believe it.
300
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:29,896
Fine. Do me
a fav-
301
00:11:30,759 --> 00:11:31,691
How ya doin'?
302
00:11:31,829 --> 00:11:33,175
All right. Listen.
Do me a favor.
303
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:34,901
Ask that coin a question
for me, will you?
304
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:36,626
Okay. What?
305
00:11:36,765 --> 00:11:38,180
Ask that coin
306
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:41,977
If my husband Paul
ordered $30 worth
of dinner last night
307
00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:43,288
to be delivered here
while I was sleeping,
308
00:11:43,426 --> 00:11:44,980
even though there was
plenty of food
in the house.
309
00:11:49,536 --> 00:11:50,502
Excuse us one second.
310
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,711
No, no, no,
no, no.
311
00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:52,781
I want you
to hear this.
312
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,058
Go ahead, ask it.
313
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:55,093
I would never
do that.
314
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:56,923
Ask the coin.
315
00:11:57,061 --> 00:11:58,269
I don't have to ask the coin,
'Cause I know
I would never do that.
316
00:11:58,407 --> 00:11:59,960
Go ahead, ask it.
I don't have
to ask it--
317
00:12:00,098 --> 00:12:01,306
And at the same time,
318
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:02,791
ask it if you left
half an egg roll
on the nightstand.
319
00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:04,275
Huh.
320
00:12:07,312 --> 00:12:08,520
I left an egg roll
on the night-
321
00:12:08,658 --> 00:12:09,590
You're just
talking crazy.
322
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,454
Ask it, ask it.
Just ask it.
323
00:12:11,592 --> 00:12:12,870
Okay, fine.
324
00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:14,112
Alright?
325
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,424
The coin is wrong.
326
00:12:15,562 --> 00:12:16,839
Uh-huh. Ask it
if you bought
327
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,392
the Fleetwood mac
laser disc
328
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,463
even though you already
own the CD boxed set.
329
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:21,706
[GASPS]
330
00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,021
I didn't- A,
331
00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:27,781
and two- they're
very different
because-
332
00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:29,093
Ask it, ask it,
ask it.
333
00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:30,232
Okay.
334
00:12:31,164 --> 00:12:32,268
The coin's
wrong again.
335
00:12:32,406 --> 00:12:34,512
Ask it if you've been
making calls to brokers
336
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:36,100
to get floor seats
for the knick game.
337
00:12:36,238 --> 00:12:37,135
What, are you
tailing me?
338
00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:38,550
Ask it.
339
00:12:42,071 --> 00:12:43,245
All right. It's
the coin of destiny.
340
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:44,418
Thank you.
341
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:45,454
Now do you believe?
Yes, I believe.
342
00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:54,428
Look at that.
343
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:55,775
It's unbelievable.
344
00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:56,879
It looks like
345
00:12:57,017 --> 00:12:58,260
it's gonna jump
right up
off the plate
346
00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:01,263
and sing Don't cry for me, Argentina.
347
00:13:01,401 --> 00:13:02,747
Hey, everybody.
348
00:13:02,885 --> 00:13:04,542
Ah, the Oracle
and Mrs. Oracle.
349
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:05,612
Ooh.
350
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:06,993
Lou, you're
hovering again.
351
00:13:07,131 --> 00:13:08,822
Not hovering.
Investigating.
352
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,066
Okay, Paulie,
the question is,
353
00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:13,827
Should I buy 500 shares
of Eastman Kodak?
354
00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:15,864
Let's take a look,
shall we?
355
00:13:16,968 --> 00:13:17,935
Call your broker.
356
00:13:18,073 --> 00:13:19,212
I love that coin.
357
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:20,385
[PHONE RINGS]
358
00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:23,699
Hello. House of Coin.
359
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,012
Hey. Fran, hi.
How you doin'?
360
00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:29,774
Oh, I understand.
Yeah, okay. Hold on.
361
00:13:29,912 --> 00:13:32,501
Okay. That's yes
on proposition 108,
362
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:35,573
and apparently,
363
00:13:35,711 --> 00:13:36,988
no on the bond issue.
364
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,404
Happy to help.
365
00:13:39,542 --> 00:13:40,854
That's what we do here
at house of coin.
366
00:13:43,132 --> 00:13:44,513
I've never been
an Oracle before,
367
00:13:44,651 --> 00:13:45,997
but, I gotta say,
I like it.
368
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,206
Okay.
369
00:13:49,242 --> 00:13:50,346
All right.
370
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,315
How about this?
371
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:56,421
Ask your coin if calling
my ex-girlfriend
372
00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:58,907
is not something
I should do.
373
00:13:59,045 --> 00:14:00,770
Should I highlight
my hair?
374
00:14:00,909 --> 00:14:02,289
Boxers or, briefs?
375
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:03,704
No, no, no.
You guys,
376
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,810
the coin is not a toy.
In fact, give me that.
377
00:14:05,948 --> 00:14:07,881
No, we are not
gonna play with it
378
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,572
like a bunch
of silly children.
379
00:14:09,710 --> 00:14:11,298
[ALL MUMBLING]
380
00:14:11,436 --> 00:14:12,472
I want you all
to sit there
381
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:13,956
and think about
how you're behaving.
382
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,863
Oh, my god.
383
00:14:27,452 --> 00:14:28,937
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
384
00:14:30,145 --> 00:14:31,180
Oh, my god.
385
00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:37,359
Oh, my god.
386
00:15:02,971 --> 00:15:04,834
I'm searching for
the coin of destiny.
387
00:15:07,044 --> 00:15:08,010
I see.
388
00:15:10,806 --> 00:15:12,187
So, to me,
389
00:15:12,325 --> 00:15:14,223
the coin means hope,
390
00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:17,330
hope that Louanne
really does love me
391
00:15:17,468 --> 00:15:19,884
and maybe one day
392
00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:22,852
there will be joy
in my heart again.
393
00:15:27,202 --> 00:15:28,134
Hey.
394
00:15:28,272 --> 00:15:29,583
Hey. Are we glad
to see you.
395
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,895
Ask the coin,
396
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,828
tonight, should we have
Chinese or, Italian?
397
00:15:33,553 --> 00:15:34,968
What are we
really saying,
398
00:15:35,106 --> 00:15:36,349
that we're
actually incapable
399
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:37,937
of making a decision
on our own?
400
00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:40,387
Pretty much
at this point, yeah.
401
00:15:41,423 --> 00:15:42,769
So, what,
flip the coin.
402
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:43,977
I don't know that
we should be rely-
403
00:15:44,115 --> 00:15:45,047
Flip the coin.
Flip the coin.
404
00:15:45,185 --> 00:15:46,635
Heads, Chinese.
Tails, Italian.
405
00:15:48,671 --> 00:15:49,603
Chinese.
406
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:50,673
[PHONE RINGS]
407
00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:51,951
There you go.
408
00:15:52,089 --> 00:15:53,331
Another decision
made nicely.
409
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:54,470
Hello.
410
00:15:54,919 --> 00:15:56,472
Hey, pop.
411
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,336
Well, let me ask.
Hang on a second.
412
00:15:58,474 --> 00:16:00,925
Sweetie. It's my dad.
Red or, black?
413
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:02,409
What?
414
00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,170
They're at the roulette wheel.
Atlantic city. Red or, black?
415
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,068
The roulette wheel?
416
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:08,312
Red or, black?
Flip flip flip flip.
417
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,316
Red.
418
00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:13,558
Red it is.
419
00:16:14,525 --> 00:16:15,526
You got it.
420
00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:16,941
I got another call.
I'll see you.
421
00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:18,529
Hello.
422
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:20,531
Hey, Mark.
How you doin'?
423
00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:22,084
Let me ask.
Hold on a second.
424
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:24,397
Sweetie, it's mark.
Corned beef or, brisket?
425
00:16:25,363 --> 00:16:26,330
Corned beef.
426
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:29,229
CB. You need any help
with the side dish?
427
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,197
No. He's okay
with the side dish.
428
00:16:32,336 --> 00:16:33,993
Yeah. Enjoy.
Got another call.
429
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,651
Hello. Hi. Who's this?
430
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:40,413
Millie and Barney Kraft.
431
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:42,484
Oh, you met my folks
in Atlantic city there.
432
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:44,831
Oh, isn't that nice?
433
00:16:44,969 --> 00:16:46,143
What is it?
434
00:16:46,281 --> 00:16:47,730
I'll be happy to help.
Hold on one second.
435
00:16:47,868 --> 00:16:49,594
Sweetie, station wagon
or, a minivan?
436
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:53,874
Minivan, but
I don't think-
437
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,393
It's the minivan.
438
00:16:55,531 --> 00:16:56,670
Happy to help.
439
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,189
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
440
00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:00,295
With that coin
and one of those
multi-line phones,
441
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:01,675
I could be
the king of France.
442
00:17:04,161 --> 00:17:06,163
Hey, look who's here.
Come on in,
come on in.
443
00:17:06,301 --> 00:17:07,371
Hey, got any food?
444
00:17:07,509 --> 00:17:09,890
It's okay. Kitchen's
right through there.
445
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,478
I thought
we'd come over,
446
00:17:11,616 --> 00:17:12,997
spend a little time
with Logan,
447
00:17:13,135 --> 00:17:16,104
let him establish
those all-important
family bonds.
448
00:17:16,242 --> 00:17:17,622
Ira, don't you think
449
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,383
You're getting a little
ahead of yourself here?
450
00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,419
I'm telling you.
I am the kid's father.
451
00:17:21,557 --> 00:17:23,594
If you don't believe me,
forget this blood test.
452
00:17:23,732 --> 00:17:24,802
Just ask the coin.
453
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,493
Oh, I don't think
we wanna use-
454
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:27,563
Why don't you just
ask the coin?
455
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:28,599
You want me to flip
my own coin?
456
00:17:28,737 --> 00:17:30,014
Flip your own coin.
457
00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:32,706
That's not
gonna work.
458
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,674
This is the only coin
that does that.
459
00:17:34,812 --> 00:17:36,055
This is the coin
that does it.
460
00:17:36,193 --> 00:17:38,850
I think DNA testing
edges out the coin
in this case.
461
00:17:38,988 --> 00:17:40,128
Just flip it.
462
00:17:40,266 --> 00:17:41,508
This is exciting.
463
00:17:41,646 --> 00:17:43,062
Heads- I'm the father.
Tails- I'm not.
464
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,305
And the answer is,
465
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:49,620
Heads.
466
00:17:50,586 --> 00:17:51,725
Wow.
467
00:17:52,416 --> 00:17:53,520
Wow.
468
00:17:53,796 --> 00:17:54,797
Wow.
469
00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:57,041
Wow.
470
00:17:58,249 --> 00:17:59,457
I'm a dad.
471
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:02,564
This coin has never
been tested at all
to any degree.
472
00:18:02,702 --> 00:18:05,049
Hey, Paulie. How come
you got only one kind
of mustard?
473
00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:08,466
That's my boy!
474
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,988
PAUL: I love that you and I
have the coin of destiny.
475
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:16,336
Sweetie, this is not
the coin of destiny.
476
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:18,821
Hey, are you losing
faith in the coin?
477
00:18:18,959 --> 00:18:21,134
I accidentally put
the coin of destiny
478
00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:22,722
Into the washing
machine.
479
00:18:24,068 --> 00:18:26,035
Well, that's not
a good use of the coin,
480
00:18:26,174 --> 00:18:27,140
now, is it?
481
00:18:28,279 --> 00:18:29,522
Gee. Really?
482
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:30,833
Well, go get it back.
483
00:18:30,971 --> 00:18:32,283
Yes, all right,
I'll do that.
484
00:18:32,421 --> 00:18:33,905
Good luck.
485
00:18:34,043 --> 00:18:36,425
It's in here
with 5,000
other quarters.
486
00:18:36,839 --> 00:18:37,875
Oh.
487
00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:39,911
When was this?
488
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:41,879
Before, when I went down
to do the laundry.
489
00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,226
So we've been
dispensing advice
490
00:18:44,364 --> 00:18:46,780
based on a false
coin of destiny.
491
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,092
This is
what I'm saying.
492
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:50,163
Well, that's
just irresponsible.
493
00:18:50,301 --> 00:18:51,958
You're the one
begging me to flip it.
494
00:18:52,096 --> 00:18:54,271
Well, I didn't think
you'd be so flippant
with it.
495
00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:56,928
Idea for follow-up-
496
00:18:57,066 --> 00:18:58,309
Paul and Jamie
a year later.
497
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,312
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
498
00:19:03,314 --> 00:19:04,384
Who is it?
499
00:19:04,522 --> 00:19:06,524
It's us, Burt
and Sylvia Buchman!
500
00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:08,492
SYLVIA: Your
Irate parents.
501
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:09,769
What do you mean,
Irate?
502
00:19:09,907 --> 00:19:11,391
Give me that coin.
503
00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:12,565
Why?
504
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:15,533
We want to stamp it
and smoosh it
505
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,190
And hurt it
and bend it-
506
00:19:17,328 --> 00:19:19,296
I get the idea.
What happened?
507
00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:20,883
Black. Black happened.
508
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:24,128
21 roulette wheels
in a row, all black.
509
00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:25,819
Thank you, coin.
510
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,269
[PHONE RINGS]
511
00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:30,169
Wow. Well, the coin
is speechless.
512
00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:33,551
The coin doesn't know
what to, what to say.
513
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:35,312
Hello. Hey, Mark.
514
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:36,727
What do you mean,
food poisoning?
515
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:38,936
[MARK COUGHING AND VOMITING]
516
00:19:39,074 --> 00:19:40,627
Oh, that sounds-
you know what?
517
00:19:40,765 --> 00:19:41,904
Just call us
when you're done.
518
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,080
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
519
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,289
There's a man
who wishes he had brisket.
520
00:19:48,842 --> 00:19:50,154
Hey, Marvin.
What-- Hi.
521
00:19:50,292 --> 00:19:52,536
Hey, everybody.
522
00:19:52,674 --> 00:19:55,435
I'd like to introduce
my fiancée Louanne.
523
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,300
Your fiancée?
524
00:19:58,438 --> 00:20:00,647
I finally thought,
screw the coin
of destiny,
525
00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:02,201
and I called her.
526
00:20:03,132 --> 00:20:06,066
I just was so impressed
by his persistence.
527
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,931
19 times is the charm,
huh, guys?
528
00:20:10,070 --> 00:20:11,762
I guess so, huh?
529
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,004
And Marvin's
such an angel.
530
00:20:13,142 --> 00:20:14,661
He's already paid off
all my credit cards.
531
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:15,869
Is that right?
532
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,388
And he's gonna
re-sod my lawn.
533
00:20:18,078 --> 00:20:19,010
That's nice of you.
534
00:20:19,148 --> 00:20:20,529
And he agreed
to no sex.
535
00:20:22,738 --> 00:20:25,603
Stand back, everybody.
She's all mine.
536
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,297
Possible future segment-
537
00:20:29,435 --> 00:20:30,712
Husbands without hope.
538
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:31,851
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
539
00:20:33,059 --> 00:20:33,991
Hey.
540
00:20:34,129 --> 00:20:35,199
Oh, what's the matter?
541
00:20:35,337 --> 00:20:38,375
Blood work came back,
and I am not the father.
542
00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:39,686
Ooh.
543
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,205
Are you okay?
544
00:20:41,343 --> 00:20:42,689
Yeah, sure. It's okay.
545
00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:44,035
There's a "free Tibet"
rally down at the UN.
A little later.
546
00:20:44,173 --> 00:20:45,278
I'm thinking
of stopping by.
547
00:20:45,416 --> 00:20:47,038
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
548
00:20:47,176 --> 00:20:49,040
Listen, it's a little
disappointment.
549
00:20:49,178 --> 00:20:51,664
At least no real
damage was done,
you know?
550
00:20:55,668 --> 00:20:56,634
Hi.
551
00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:57,946
Here's your minivan.
552
00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:00,949
Honey, you know
the Krafts.
553
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,479
No one knows for sure
554
00:21:13,617 --> 00:21:14,963
which quarter
in the pillowcase
555
00:21:15,101 --> 00:21:16,861
Is the coin of destiny.
556
00:21:16,999 --> 00:21:19,726
Some day, oh, maybe
some lucky fella,
557
00:21:20,382 --> 00:21:21,314
or, gal.
558
00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:22,453
Thanks a lot.
559
00:21:24,006 --> 00:21:25,387
Will find the coin
560
00:21:25,525 --> 00:21:28,079
and rediscover
its amazing powers.
561
00:21:28,217 --> 00:21:30,047
Maybe it'll be you.
562
00:21:30,185 --> 00:21:31,773
Maybe it'll be
your neighbor.
563
00:21:32,705 --> 00:21:33,809
Maybe it'll be
your uncle.
564
00:21:35,224 --> 00:21:37,296
Maybe it'll be your
neighbor's uncle.
565
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:39,125
Maybe it'll be
your uncle's neighbor.
566
00:21:40,057 --> 00:21:41,438
Maybe your uncle
is your neighbor.
567
00:21:42,715 --> 00:21:43,992
Lou, if we
could just--
568
00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:47,236
Or, maybe, just maybe,
It'll be me--
569
00:21:47,375 --> 00:21:49,480
Lou Bonaparte
for Hard Edition.
570
00:22:39,047 --> 00:22:40,945
No one knows for sure
571
00:22:41,083 --> 00:22:42,464
which quarter
in the pillowcase
572
00:22:42,602 --> 00:22:44,501
is the coin of destiny.
573
00:22:44,639 --> 00:22:47,366
Some day, oh, maybe
some lucky fella,
574
00:22:48,125 --> 00:22:49,057
or, gal.
575
00:22:49,195 --> 00:22:50,196
Thanks a lot.
576
00:22:51,749 --> 00:22:53,130
Will find the coin
577
00:22:53,268 --> 00:22:55,546
and rediscover
its amazing powers.
578
00:22:56,098 --> 00:22:57,755
Maybe it'll be you.
579
00:22:57,893 --> 00:22:59,723
Maybe it'll be
your neighbor.
580
00:23:00,517 --> 00:23:01,932
Maybe it'll be
your uncle.
581
00:23:03,071 --> 00:23:05,073
Maybe it'll be your
neighbor's uncle.
582
00:23:05,211 --> 00:23:07,075
Maybe it'll be
your uncle's neighbor.
583
00:23:08,007 --> 00:23:09,353
Maybe your uncle
is your neighbor.
584
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,149
Lou, if we
could just-
585
00:23:12,287 --> 00:23:14,979
or, maybe, just maybe,
It'll be me.
586
00:23:15,117 --> 00:23:17,637
Lou Bonaparte
for Hard Edition.
40005
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