Original subtitles

(alarm buzzes)

( energetic music )

(sighs)

(whirring)

(vibrates)

CHLOE.

(vibrates)

(sighs) CHLOE.

(beep)

TIME!

36 MINUTES. EMBARRASSING!

(sighs) REALLY?

WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT

ALL WEEK.

I MEAN, I GOTTA GET MY MORNING

ROUTINE DOWN TO A HALF AN HOUR

BEFORE I START WORK

ON MONDAY.

YOU'VE GOTTA JUICE

THE NIGHT BEFORE.

DAMN IT, ELI,

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS!

(thud)

YOU LOSE VITAL NUTRIENTS!

MAYBE YOU SUGGEST SOMETHING

INSTEAD OF SHOOTING DOWN

EVERYTHING I SAY.

WELL, THIS JOB MEANS

EVERYTHING TO ME.

IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR

SINCE I'VE BEEN ON WALL STREET,

AND I WANNA GO

INTO HARKIN FINANCIAL

AT THE TOP OF MY GAME.

WELL... DON'T THINK YOU CAN

TALK TO ME LIKE THAT

JUST BECAUSE

I'M THE PERVERT IN THE WINDOW.

I'M SORRY.

PANTIES?

(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT

PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪

♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪

(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪

(buzzer)

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

GOD. LOOK AT THIS MESS.

IS IT JUST ME, OR HAS OUR GIRL

REALLY BEEN SLACKING?

WHAT GIRL?

THE GIRL THAT WE PAY TO CLEAN--

YOLANDA.

WE DON'T HAVE A GIRL.

I-I-I CLEAN THE APARTMENT.

I'VE JUST BEEN SO BUSY

GETTING READY FOR MY NEW JOB.

HUH. I COULD'VE SWORN

I WAS AT YOLANDA'S DAUGHTER'S

QUINCEAÑERA.

I WAS SOMEWHERE

WITH A DORA PIÑATA.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T

STARTED THAT JOB YET.

YOU'VE BEEN YIPPING ABOUT IT

FOR WEEKS.

I AM SO NERVOUS. IT'S LIKE

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

YOU GOTTA MAKE

A GOOD IMPRESSION.

I MEAN, WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND

ANYONE TO EAT LUNCH WITH?

I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

AT YOLANDA'S DAUGHTER'S

QUINCEAÑERA,

I WAS REALLY WORRIED THAT

I WOULDN'T FIT IN, EITHER.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DIDN'T. I REALLY DIDN'T.

(hissing)

(door bells jingle)

JUNE. (singsongy) FIRST DAY

AT HARKIN FINANCIAL.

HOW YOU FEELIN'?

EXCITED-NERVOUS-RUSHED.

IS--IS MY ORDER READY?

I CALLED AHEAD.

TALL SKINNY LATTE FOR "JUBE"?!

IT'S ON US.

(sets down cup)

YOU WORKED HERE FOR TEN MONTHS.

IT'S THE LEAST WE CAN DO.

THANK YOU, MARK.

WE'LL CATCH UP SOON, I PROMISE.

MARK, WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE HER

OUR GOING AWAY CARD?!

STAY OUT OF IT, PEPPER!

(scoffs)

HEY, MARK, GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

REGRETTING

GIVING YOU MY NUMBER.

WHAT'S THE CRISIS?

I NEED ADVICE.

PEPPER AND I GOT JUNE A CARD,

BUT WHEN I WENT TO SIGN IT,

I GOT ALL IN MY HEAD.

I MEAN,

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE LIKE

NOW THAT SHE'S GOT A NEW JOB,

AND I'M SINGLE?

I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING

SWEET, BUT NOT TOO SWEET.

THEN I PANICKED

AND WROTE THIS.

"DEAR JUNE, I DON'T CARE

WHAT YOU DO. MARK."

I CAN'T GIVE HER THAT.

AND I CAN'T GET A NEW CARD.

EVERYONE ELSE HAS ALREADY

SIGNED THIS ONE.

I KNOW YOU GOT SOME

COMPLEX FEELINGS FOR JUNE,

BUT I'M GONNA HELP YOU

FIGURE OUT

THE PERFECT THING TO SAY

IN THAT CARD.

LUCKY FOR YOU, AS AN ACTOR,

I KNOW EVERYTHING

THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT WRITING.

GREAT. THANKS.

ALSO KNOW EVERYTHING

THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT MEDICINE,

BEING A FIREMAN

AND AN ASTRONAUT.

YOU CAN GET YOUR BADGE

AT SECURITY STAFF MEETINGS

EVERY DAY AT 9:00 A.M.,

BUT SOMETIMES YOU WILL NEED

TO BE HERE EARLY

FOR THE ASIAN MARKETS.

OH, MR. HARKIN, IF NECESSARY,

I WILL SLEEP HERE.

(laughs) I LOVE IT.

BUT DISCUSSING WHERE YOU SLEEP

IS A VIOLATION

OF THE WORKPLACE

SEXUAL CONDUCT CODE...

(chuckles) AND I WON'T GO DOWN

THAT ROAD AGAIN.

SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE,

JUNE.

I SEE BIG THINGS FOR YOU

ON THE HORIZON.

THANK YOU, SIR.

(clatters)

(telephone ringing in distance)

(exhales deeply)

'TEW!

'TEW!

OH, MY GOD.

WAS THAT A SNEEZE?

THAT WAS SUPER ADORABLE!

I SNEEZE LIKE A BEAST.

I'M FOX. FOX PARIS.

HI. I'M JUNE COLBURN.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, THE STAFF

MEETINGS START AT 9:00,

BUT THEY EXPECT YOU THERE

BY 8:50, HAVING HAD.

HAVING HAD?

BREAKFAST.

OH.

THIS GUY WALTER

WHO USED TO WORK HERE

BROUGHT A BAGEL IN ONCE.

HARKIN WAS PISSED.

HAVING HAD, WALTER!

EVERYONE ELSE HERE HAS HAD!

DEAR GOD!

WOW. THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

(chuckles)

OH, NO PROBLEM.

I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE

ANOTHER WOMAN JUNIOR ANALYST

WORKING HERE.

(chuckles)

ARE THOSE SEA MONKEYS?

LOW-MAINTENANCE PETS. (chuckles)

THEY'RE ALL NAMED SIMON.

HELLO, SIMONS.

(laughs)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

FOR LUNCH LATER?

(chuckles)

HMM?

AND SHE SHOWED ME WHERE TO HIDE

LEFTOVERS IN THE WORK FRIDGE--

BEHIND THE BATTERIES. GENIUS!

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

AND SHE SAVED ME

FROM SITTING IN HARKIN'S SEAT.

UM, I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA SIT

AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE,

BUT HE LIKES TO SIT

IN THE MIDDLE AMONG THE PEOPLE.

OH, SHE'S THE BEST.

WE'RE GOING FOR DRINKS TOMORROW.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

SHE'S YOUR NEMESIS.

WHAT?

THAT GIRL HAS IT OUT FOR YOU.

DID SHE ASK YOU QUESTIONS

ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

DID SHE COMPLIMENT

YOUR JEWELRY?

YEAH, M-MY POWER BROOCH.

SHE'S STUDYING YOU

TO FIND YOUR WEAKNESS.

SHE'S FIGURING OUT THE MOST

EFFICIENT WAY TO TAKE YOU DOWN.

DOES SHE HAVE A BACK TATTOO?

DOES SHE WEAR A WIG?

LOOK, UM...

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M SURE IF THIS WERE, LIKE,

COCKFIGHTING

OR D-DRUG LORDING

OR WHAT--WHATEVER IT IS

THAT YOU DO, YOU'D BE RIGHT.

BUT I'M A PROFESSIONAL,

AND I DON'T WALK INTO AN OFFICE

AND IMMEDIATELY GET A NEMESIS.

THINK WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT I KNOW THIS GIRL.

I AM THIS GIRL.

AND SHE'S YOUR NEMESIS.

BECAUSE IF I WORKED THERE,

I'D BE YOUR NEMESIS, TOO.

BY THE WAY,

I LOVE YOUR BROOCH.

WHY, THANK YOU.

JUNE! COME ON!

♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪

OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?

"I'M GONNA MISS YOU

A LATTE"?

NO PUNS. UNWARRANTED PUN.

OKAY, HOW'S THIS?

"JUNE, I HATE THE THOUGHT

OF NOT SEEING YOU EVERY DAY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE THINGS

TO THE NEXT LEVEL"?

THEN I GIVE HER THE CARD

AND I LAY ONE ON HER.

WHAT--W-W-W--

WHY WOULD YOU FART ON HER

IN HER SLEEP?

WHAT?

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

LAY ONE ON HER.

THAT'S WHEN YOU TOOT ON SOMEBODY

WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING.

WHAT? NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S KISSING.

"LAY ONE ON ME"

MEANS "KISS ME."

OH.

WELL, YOU JUST EXPLAINED

THREE OF MY LAST FOUR BREAKUPS.

UGH.

I GOT SOME TEXTS TO SEND.

(Fox and June laugh)

SO YOU GUYS DO HAPPY HOUR

EVERY WEEK?

MM. WELL, WE GENUINELY LIKE

HANGING OUT TOGETHER.

WE DO.

WE REALLY SUPPORT EACH OTHER

OUTSIDE OF WORK, TOO.

JASON WRITES PLAYS.

I MAKE AND SELL

MY OWN LEATHER HEADBANDS.

I LOVE HEADBANDS.

MY COMPANY'S CALLED

STOCKS AND BANDS.

GET IT?

(all laugh)

THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?

WELL, YOU DON'T

LOSE 50 POUNDS AND COUNTING

HAVING A SECOND MARG.

SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

NATURE CALLS.

WOW, 50 POUNDS.

THAT IS... AMAZING.

I MEAN, HE STILL HAS A WAYS

TO GO, BUT HE LOOKS FANTASTIC.

I'LL TAKE THAT...

THANK YOU.

AND GIVE IT TO JUNE.

OH!

NEW KID ALWAYS PAYS.

OH. (chuckles) OKAY.

I GET IT. YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN

YOUR FIRST PAYCHECK YET.

LET ME TALK TO THE BARTENDER.

I BET I CAN GET

THAT LAST ROUND TAKEN OFF.

I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD

TO TAKE THE SUBWAY HOME.

I HAVE TO WALK EVERYWHERE.

HAD TO TAKE UP

DEFENSIVE JUJITSU. (chuckles)

OH!

NUTS! NOSE! NUTS! NOSE!

NUTS! NOSE! (laughs)

(laughs)

THANK YOU.

MM-HMM.

(to "Dem Bones")

♪ THE PAPER'S CONNECTED ♪

♪ BY THE STAPLER ♪

DID YOU CALL ME

"OATMEAL BUTT"?

WHAT?

LAST NIGHT, WE WENT OUT

FOR DRINKS. YOU SAID I WAS FAT.

YOU SAID I HAD

OATMEAL BUTT.

I SAID I WAS PROUD OF YOU 'CAUSE

YOU HAVE A LONG WAYS TO GO.

THERE! THAT'S IT!

I KNEW IT!

AND TO THINK,

IN ANOTHER 10 POUNDS,

I THOUGHT I'D BE SHOWING YOU

MY NAKED BODY.

THAT WAS SO WEIRD.

HOW DID ALLEN KNOW

THAT I SAID THAT THING

ABOUT HIM HAVING

A WAYS TO GO?

OH, I TOLD HIM.

WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

BECAUSE I'M YOUR NEMESIS.

(continues typing)

(stops typing)

OKAY, LOOK, JUNE,

I WORKED MY ASS OFF

TO GET THIS JOB.

OKAY,

I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET

SOME GIRL WITH "BIG THINGS

ON THE HORIZON"

SWOOP IN AND OUTSHINE ME.

I'M TAKING YOU DOWN.

(sneezes loudly) AAH!

AHH. (sniffs)

I DO SNEEZE LIKE A BEAST.

THAT PART IS TRUE. (sighs)

(door slams)

(ice cubes rattling)

CLINK, CLINK!

(giggles)

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT FOX PARIS.

SHE HAS IT OUT FOR ME.

FAKE SARCASTIC SHOCK,

I WAS RIGHT?!

DO YOU WANT ME TO CRUSH HER?

BECAUSE I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF.

JUST SAY WHEN, NAME THE TIME.

IT HAS TO BE 4:00, SO NAME 4:00.

(sniffs)

IS THAT PEANUT BUTTER?

LOOK,

FOX IS JUST THREATENED,

BUT I AM NOT GONNA

STOOP DOWN TO HER LEVEL.

I'M GONNA FIX THIS MY WAY.

I AM GOING TO KILL HER...

(gasps)

WITH KINDNESS.

OH.

IT WORKED IN THE FIFTH GRADE,

WHEN BECKY SHAW STARTED A RUMOR

THAT MY BOOBS CAME IN

UPSIDE-DOWN.

SO I MADE CUPCAKES, I SHARED

THEM WITH HER AT RECESS,

AND SHE TOOK BACK EVERYTHING

THAT SHE SAID.

CUPCAKES?

JUNE, I AM TALKING ABOUT

LITERALLY CRUSHING A WOMAN.

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BOTTOM

OF THIS CUP, TOO.

D-DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE A MAID?

IF YOLANDA SAW THIS PLACE,

SHE WOULD CRY.

THAT'S WHO YOLANDA IS!

IT'S JAMES' MAID!

I KNEW THERE WAS A YOLANDA.

HOW IS SHE DOING ANYWAY?

IS SHE STILL WITH TODD OR DID

JORGE FINALLY MAKE HIS MOVE?

TODD FOUND OUT ABOUT JORGE.

ALL RIGHT.

NEW DAY. CLEAR HEADS.

WE'RE GONNA NAIL

THIS CARD THING.

I DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T WANT TO NOT HAVE JUNE

IN MY LIFE,

BUT WHAT IF IT'S TOO SOON

TO DATE HER?

WHAT IF I'M NOT

EMOTIONALLY READY?

I TOTALLY GET IT. HOW COULD

YOU PUT SOMETHING IN HERE

IF YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

WE GOTTA BACK IT UP, TO ACTING,

THE MOTHER OF WRITING.

ALL RIGHT? LET'S ROLE-PLAY.

JAMES, COME ON.

JUST TRY IT.

YOU BE MARK. I'LL BE JUNE.

I DON'T--

IT'S HARD, I KNOW.

IT'S SCARY.

BUT...

WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER.

NO WRONG INSTINCTS.

JUST TOTAL SAFE ZONE.

OKAY, FINE.

(breathes deeply)

JUNE, I--

YES, MARK?

WELL, YOU...

REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME,

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW--

HOW COULD YOU PUT THIS ON ME

RIGHT NOW?!

I JUST STARTED A NEW JOB!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW STRESSFUL THAT IS?!

PLUS YOU JUST BROKE UP

WITH JENNIFER!

AM I YOUR REBOUND SLUT?!

I HATE YOUR GUTS!

(exhales deeply)

THAT FELT GREAT. LET'S PICK THIS

BACK UP TOMORROW.

(door opens, bells jingle)

"DEAR ALLEN,

"I HAVE A WAYS TO GO

"BEFORE EARNING BACK

YOUR FRIENDSHIP.

JUNE."

(pen clicks)

YOO-HOO! NEIGHBOR!

HEY. I MADE YOU THESE.

THEY ARE "WE GOT OFF

ON THE WRONG FOOT" CUPCAKES.

SEE THE FOOT? (chuckles)

TRUCE? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

MM.

I THINK YOU'RE TRYING

TO KISS MY ASS.

MWAH! MWAH! MWAH!

NO...

MWAH!

THAT IS NOT...

MMM! MMM.

WHAT I...

MR. HARKIN.

JUNE PUT A CUPCAKE ON MY CHAIR.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

MAYBE IT WAS SOME SORT OF PRANK

TO FIT IN?

UNPROFESSIONAL, JUNE.

TIGHTEN UP.

THAT IS NOT

A SEXUAL ADVANCE.

SIR, NO, THAT IS--THAT'S NOT

WHAT HAPPENED.

UH, I GUESS THERE'S

A FRUIT BASKET

WITH AN APOLOGY NOTE FROM YOU

TO ALLEN IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM?

KINDA HOT IN THERE.

NOT IDEAL FOR MELON.

APOLOGY UNACCEPTED.

AND THEN SHE CHANGED

MY OUTGOING VOICE MAIL MESSAGE

TO, "HI, THIS IS JUNE.

I'M SORRY I MISSED YOU.

I'M GETTING AN ABORTION"!

(knock on door)

I GOT A PACKAGE

FOR JUNE COLBURN.

THAT'S... ME.

OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS IT?!

OPEN IT! OPEN IT!

(tape rips)

(gasps) IT'S A BOX OF SNAKES!

OH.

IT'S JUST LEATHER HEADBANDS.

THAT'S FOX PARIS' SIDE BUSINESS.

BUT I-I DIDN'T ORDER ANY--

LET ME GUESS.

YOU LEFT HER ALONE WITH

YOUR CREDIT CARD AT SOME POINT.

(whispers) HAPPY HOUR.

(inhales sharply)

OH! SCREW KINDNESS.

THIS GIRL IS MY NEMESIS,

AND SHE IS GONNA GO DOWN.

GOT IT. ON IT.

LET ME PUT ON SOME BOOTS.

NO, THAT'S OKAY.

I'M GONNA DO THIS MYSELF.

BUT WHAT--WHAT--WHAT DO YOU

THINK I SHOULD DO?

OKAY, YOU NEED TO PHOTOSHOP

HER HEAD ON A NAKED GIRL.

HOW DO I GET THAT?

JUST TYPE ANYTHING

INTO THE INTERNET.

LITERALLY ANYTHING.

"MOUSE." "HAT." "SANDWICH."

ANYTHING.

(Chloe) WHEN SHE LEAVES

HER CUBE TO PEE,

JUMP ON HER COMPUTER

AND SEND THE PICTURE

TO MR. HARKIN FROM HER E-MAIL.

SUBJECT LINE--

"GET AN EYEFUL OF THIS,

BOSS MAN!"

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU PEE FAST!

PLEASE DON'T PRESS "SEND."

PLEASE. IT'LL DESTROY MY CAREER.

I KNOW THINGS HAVE GOTTEN

OUT OF HAND,

BUT I AM BEGGING YOU.

PLEASE?

(whispers) OKAY.

(growls)

WHOA!

(click, beep)

AHH.

AAH! AAH! UHH!

(thud)

(panting)

I NEVER PEE.

(telephone rings)

(breathes heavily)

(ring)

(Chloe) What the hell was that?!

You had her and you let her go!

I KNOW! BUT SHE...

WAIT. HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

WHERE ARE YOU?

Well, I wanted to see

how this all went down,

SO I'M YOUR 4:00 MEETING.

SEE ON YOUR SCHEDULE--

PARKINS AND SONS?

I MADE UP THAT NAME. IT SOUNDS

PRETTY BAD OUT LOUD, HUH?

(sighs) I CAN'T DO THIS.

I'M NOT LIKE YOU.

JUST... (whispers) PLEASE.

(normal voice)

TAKE CARE OF IT FOR ME?

ABOUT TIME.

NOW GET OUTTA HERE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANNA

BE AROUND TO SEE THIS.

OKAY.

FOX PARIS?

YES?

I'M CHLOE.

SO?

YEAH. SO.

(laughter)

AAH!

(laughter continues)

OH! HEY, JUNE.

(door closes)

YOUR HALF

OF THIS APARTMENT SUCKS.

CHLOE'S IS AWESOME. (giggles)

EXCUSE ME WHILE I USE

THE LADIES'.

GOOD LUCK FINDING YOUR CONCEALER

TOMORROW, BAG EYES.

CHLOE, WHAT...

OHH. OKAY.

YOU ARE PRETENDING

TO BEFRIEND FOX

SO WE CAN ATTACK HER

FROM BOTH SIDES.

BURROW IN ON THE WORK FRONT,

BURROW IN ON THE FRIEND FRONT,

AND THEN BLOW HER UP

FROM THE MIDDLE!

THAT COULD NOT BE

MORE WRONG.

I'M SORRY. I KNOW I SAID

I WOULD DESTROY FOX,

BUT IT TURNS OUT

SHE'S AWESOME.

(whispers) WHAT?

HEY, CHLOE.

LOOK AT ME! I'M JUNE.

(laughs)

(high-pitched voice)

'TEW! 'TEW!

(laughs)

(imitates British accent)

I LIKE NUMBERS. I LIKE TEA.

(squeals) THAT'S THE PERFECT

JUNE! THAT'S DEAD-ON!

OH, WELL, THIS HAS BEEN GREAT,

BUT I GOTTA GO.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD GET

SOME REST.

SHE'S DEALING

WITH A REAL DUD AT WORK.

UGH.

(chuckles)

THAT'S RIGHT.

I STOLE YOUR ROOMMATE.

I'M STEALING YOUR CLOTHES.

I'LL TAKE EVERYTHING YOU OWN.

(giggles) I'LL DESTROY YOU.

NIGHT, CHLO! LOVE YA, GIRL!

(door closes)

SHE GAVE ME A WIG!

♪ OOH, LA-LA-LA ♪

(door slams)

WHAT THE HELL?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED

TO TAKE FOX PARIS DOWN

AND NOT INVITE HER OVER

TO OUR APARTMENT FOR DRINKS.

OKAY, WELL, WHEN YOU TOLD ME

ABOUT YOUR WORK SITUATION,

YOU LEFT OUT A LOT

OF VERY IMPORTANT DETAILS.

LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU SING

WHEN YOU STAPLE? UGH!

OR THAT FOX PARIS' COUSIN'S

THE DRUMMER FOR blink-182.

BUT... SHE IS MY NEMESIS!

SWEETIE, IT'S OKAY.

WE'LL GET YOU A NEW ONE.

YOU CAN HAVE ANY KIND

YOU WANT--

TALL, SHORT, FAT, THIN.

(gasps) ACTUALLY, YOU'D BE

REALLY FUNNY WITH A FAT ONE.

(scoffs)

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

FOX PARIS IS A MONSTER

WHO'S TRYING TO GET ME FIRED

AT HARKIN,

AND CHLOE DECIDED

TO BE HER FRIEND, AND--

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M HEARING,

JUNE?

A LOT OF SHENANIGANS

AND VERY LITTLE

ABOUT ACTUAL WORK.

BUT SHE--

WHAT ABOUT

ALL THE PREP WE DID, HUH?

THIS JOB MEANS EVERYTHING

TO YOU.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO BE SHOWING HARKIN

THAT YOU'RE AT THE TOP

OF YOUR GAME,

NOT PLAYING GAMES.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT SHOULD BE ABOUT THE JOB,

NOT ABOUT ALL THE STUPID DRAMA.

FROM NOW ON, I'M JUST GOING

TO FOCUS ON THE WORK

AND KEEP MY HEAD DOWN.

THANK YOU, ELI.

MY MOM'S SICK.

I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE

A BREAKTHROUGH. I CAN FEEL IT.

OKAY, BUT I GOTTA SAY,

I'M REAL UNCOMFORTABLE.

IT'S GOOD

YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE.

THAT MEANS

WE'RE OPENING UP DOORS.

NOW HANDS ON KNEES.

NOT YOUR KNEES. MY KNEES.

(sighs deeply)

ALL RIGHT. NOW...

WE'RE GONNA GET INSIDE THE MAN

AND FIND THE BOY.

THIS FEELS WEIRD.

WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, ACTUALLY.

JUST SOMETHING ONE OF MY FIRST

ACTING TEACHERS HAD ME DO

WHEN I WAS JUST STARTING OUT.

IT'S A...

OH.

BREAKTHROUGH?

I THINK I NEED TO LEAVE.

(Chloe and Fox laugh)

SERIOUSLY, FOXY,

LUNCH WAS AMAZING.

MMM. ANY TIME, PARKINS.

(laughs)

THAT'S WHAT EXPENSE ACCOUNTS

ARE FOR.

ABUSING COMPANY FUNDS.

SO WHERE IS THIS FAMOUS

BATTERY FRIDGE I'VE HEARD ABOUT?

MM. OVER THERE.

(singsongy) TIME FOR CAKE!

1 PIECE, 20 POINTS,

NO DINNER!

CAKE? NO, I CAN'T. TOO BUSY.

GOTTA FOCUS ON

WHAT'S IMPORTANT--THE WORK.

AH, SUIT YOURSELF.

I'LL JUST TELL HARKIN

YOU MISSED HIS CAKE

'CAUSE YOU HATE HIS GUTS.

HARKIN? IT'S HARKIN'S BIRTHDAY?!

SAVE.

(clicks key)

SAVE.

SAVE. OH!

(beep)

CRAP! I JUST OPENED

THE DVD PLAYER!

YAY! (giggles)

THIS IS JUST A SMALL TOKEN OF

APPRECIATION FROM ALL OF US--

EXCEPT FOR JUNE,

WHO JUST CAME IN LATE.

I GUESS SHE DOESN'T CARE

ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WELL, THAT'S MEAN

OF YOU, JUNE.

NO, I WAS SAVING DOCUMENTS.

JUNE, GO AHEAD AND CUT 50 PIECES

OF CAKE FOR EVERYONE. THANKS!

WAIT. W-WHY DO I HAVE TO

DO THIS?

I WANT THE CORNER PIECE,

BUT I WANT THE "I" IN MY NAME,

AND I WANT IT DOTTED

WITH THAT ROSE.

(laughs) GO AHEAD, JUNE.

(indistinct conversations)

NO.

UM... EXCUSE ME?

I AM NOT YOUR SERVER.

YOU CUT THE CAKE

IF YOU WANT IT SO BADLY.

HOW'S THAT CAKE COMING?

TERRIBLY, SIR.

JUNE REFUSES TO--

CUT THE B.S., FOX.

CUT MR. HARKIN'S CAKE, JUNE.

SOMEBODY PUT CAKE IN MY MOUTH!

THERE'S MELON AND CAKE?!

CUT HARKIN'S CAKE NOW OR I WILL

MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL

TILL YOU EITHER QUIT

OR GET FIRED.

NOW FOR YOUR PRESENT.

(giggles)

NOW JUNE DIDN'T WANT

TO GO IN WITH US,

BUT THE REST OF US GOT YOU

LEATHER WRIST CUFFS.

(laughs)

(man) OH! OH, HO HO HO!

THOSE ARE HEADBANDS, SIR.

THEY'RE FOR GIRLS.

(under breath)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU CANNOT INTIMIDATE ME.

YOU CAN STEAL MY ROOMMATE,

CHARGE UP MY CREDIT CARD,

DESTROY MY RELATIONSHIP

WITH ALLEN...

(clears throat)

BUT I WILL NOT COW

TO YOUR GAMES...

(speaks indistinctly)

BECAUSE I CAME

TO HARKIN FINANCIAL TO WORK.

NOW YOU CUT THE DAMN CAKE!

(squish)

(man gasps)

AAH!

(gasps)

(murmuring)

(gasps)

(knife clatters)

YOU STABBED ME!

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

I AM SO SORRY!

YOU STABBED ME IN THE BACK!

SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1!

(mouth full)

HOLY HELL, THIS IS AMAZING.

I'M SORRY I PUT YOUR FRUIT

IN THE BATHROOM.

(crying) WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

YOU'RE DYING.

WE KNOW IT WAS AN ACCIDENT,

BUT JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE,

IF YOU NEED TO OPEN

ANY LETTERS,

YOU CAN COME DOWN TO H.R.,

AND I'LL DO IT.

HEY. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

WELL, YOU GOT ME...

(sighs) RIGHT IN

MY FLINTSTONES TATTOO.

FOX, I AM SO SORRY.

DON'T BE.

LOOK... (sighs)

I MAY NEVER, EVER,

EVER LIKE YOU,

BUT I'M GONNA

LEAVE YOU ALONE...

(Queens accent)

'CAUSE YOU CRAZY.

YOU STABBED A BITCH

IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

YOU FROM QUEENS?

UH, NO.

YOU HANG OUT AT GINO'S?

I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

IS--IS--IS THAT A BAR?

YEAH. YOU FROM QUEENS.

SEVEN ONE EIGHT,

SEVEN ONE GRAY!

(Fannypack) ♪ BROOKLYN,

FROM THE SEVEN ONE EIGHT ♪

QUEENS.

♪ BROOKLYN,

FROM THE SEVEN ONE EIGHT ♪

♪ YO, BROOKLYN, YO, BRONX ♪

♪ MANHATTAN, YO, QUEENS ♪

♪ STATEN ISLAND ♪

I FIGURED YOU DESERVED TO COME

HOME TO A CLEAN APARTMENT.

(door closes)

PLUS I DIDN'T WANT

TO GET SHIVVED IN MY SLEEP.

YOU DID ALL OF THIS?

THANK YOU FOR THE HEADBANDS,

MISS CHLOE.

(laughs)

YOU'RE WELCOME, YOLANDA!

YOU--I AM SO IMPRESSED.

(door closes)

YOU FINALLY STOOD UP

FOR YOURSELF.

ONE DAY,

YOU'RE MAKING CUPCAKES.

THE NEXT, YOU'RE STABBING A GIRL

IN HER FRED FLINTSTONE.

GOOD FOR YOU.

(clink)

THANKS. IT FELT GOOD.

NOT THE STABBING PART, THOUGH.

THAT FELT LIKE CHICKEN.

AND IT WAS WRONG OF ME

TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH FOX.

TURNS OUT HER COUSIN'S NOT

IN blink-182.

HE'S IN CANDLEBOX.

OHH.

YEAH.

(door bells jingle)

MAY I HAVE A NONFAT LATTE,

PLEASE?

JUNE!

ORDERING IN PERSON, EVEN.

SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN BY SOONER.

IT'S BEEN CRAZY.

WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR ABOUT

THE WORK WEEK I'VE HAD.

SO YOU'RE STILL GONNA

COME BY?

OF COURSE. WE'RE FRIENDS.

(exhales deeply)

AND I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE

MY DAY IS DONE

UNTIL I CAN TALK TO YOU

ABOUT IT.

HANG ON.

WE GOT YOU

A GOING AWAY CARD.

OH!

(chuckles)

"DEAR JUNE,

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO

"AS LONG AS YOU COME BACK

INTO BEANS

AND TELL ME ABOUT IT.

MARK."

THANKS. OF COURSE I WILL.

NOW COME ON. TAKE A BREAK.

I HAVE SO MUCH

TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I HAVE A NEMESIS.

I STABBED HER,

POSSIBLY ON PURPOSE

BUT PROBABLY ON ACCIDENT.

BUT YOU TELL ME

ABOUT YOUR WEEK FIRST.

I THINK JAMES VAN DER BEEK

WAS MOLESTED

BY HIS OLD ACTING COACH.

♪ YO, BROOKLYN, YO, BRONX ♪

♪ MANHATTAN, YO, QUEENS ♪

♪ STATEN ISLAND, YO, JERSEY ♪

♪ DO IT, DO IT LIKE THIS,

CAN YOU HANDLE IT? ♪

(door slams)

(vehicles passing,

horns honking in distance)

(sighs deeply)

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOOD.