Original subtitles

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I WOULD LIKE TO RAISE A GLASS

TO THE NEWEST ANALYST HERE AT

SHARPE FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT--

JUNE COLBURN!

(June) THIS IS

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

MY MOM ALWAYS SAID,

"IF YOU'RE WILLING TO DO

WHATEVER IT TAKES,

YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING

COME TRUE."

DO I HAVE ANY REGRETS?

DRINK IT!

DRINK IT, YOU BITCH!

(high-pitched voice)

OH, MY GOD!

JUNE, WHAT THE HELL

IS WRONG W--

DRINK IT! DRINK IT!

NO.

(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT

PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪

♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪

(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪

(buzzer)

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

WHAT IS THE AMAZON?

(beeps)

(man on TV) WHAT IS THE AMAZON?

OOH!

(man) YES, AND YOU

STILL CONTROL THE BOARD.

(man) UH, I'LL TAKE, UH,

SPORTS FOR $400.

I'M GOING OUT.

THIS TEAM MOVED

FROM MINNEAPOLIS...

(Lykke Li's "Get Some" playing)

(singsongy) I'M HOME!

(TV playing indistinctly,

horn honking in distance)

(sets down glass)

♪ LIKE A SHOTGUN ♪

♪ NEEDS AN OUTCOME ♪

♪ I'M YOUR PROSTITUTE ♪

WHAT IS MOZAMBIQUE?

(ding)

THAT'S IT.

(man) $800, PLEASE.

THIS COUNTRY IS...

♪ GOT YOU AROUND MY FINGER

LIKE A LONELY LOVER'S CHARM ♪

♪♪♪

♪ YOU GON' GET SOME ♪

WHO IS SAM SPADE?

(beeps)

YES. AND YOU'RE STILL

IN CONTROL OF THE BOARD.

(woman) I'LL TAKE...

WE NEED TO TALK.

WE NEED TO TALK.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM.

ME? I'M NOT THE ONE COMING HOME

WASTED EVERY MORNING.

JUNE, YOU'RE AN ADDICT.

YOU ARE SHOVELING FOOD

INTO YOUR FACE CONSTANTLY.

I LEAVE AT NIGHT,

YOU'RE EATING.

I COME HOME IN THE MORNING,

YOU'RE EATING.

SOMETIMES,

I SEE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY

WITH A BAG OF FOOD.

THAT'S CALLED BREAKFAST,

LUNCH, AND DINNER.

I DON'T CARE WHAT

THE STREET NAMES ARE CALLED.

THE INTERSECTION IS DEATH.

HEY!

(opens trash can)

I'M NOT THE ONE

OUT PARTYING EVERY NIGHT.

I'M NOT PARTYING.

I'M MAKING CONNECTIONS.

I'M CREATING OPPORTUNITIES.

FOR EXAMPLE, LAST NIGHT, I PEED

NEXT TO JADA PINKETT SMITH,

AND NOW I'M INVITED

TO TOM HANKS' EASTER EGG HUNT.

LOOK, I AM DOING

EVERYTHING I CAN.

I HAVE PAPERED WALL STREET

WITH MY RESUME,

AND I CANNOT GET AN INTERVIEW

ANYWHERE.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR APPROACH

IS ALL WRONG.

YOU CAN'T RELY

ON A PIECE OF PAPER.

YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR FACE

OUT THERE,

AND YOUR BOOBS UP HERE.

COME ON, JUNE. AT LEAST TRY.

ARE THEY REALLY SAGGING?

A LITTLE.

(horn honks)

CHLOE'S RIGHT.

IT'S ALL WHO YOU KNOW.

I WANNA SUCCEED,

BUT I WANNA BE JUDGED

ON THE QUALITY OF MY WORK,

NOT WHO I KNOW.

EXCUSE ME. A HOMELESS MAN JUST

THREW UP ON THE SANDWICH CASE.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA

MOP THE HELL OUT OF THAT VOMIT.

THAT IS GROSS.

So then it turned out

the grapes weren't seedless

after all. (giggles)

SO... MOM,

INSTEAD OF CHATTING EVERY DAY,

I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE CAN

START CHATTING EVERY OTHER DAY.

What? No!

We have important things

we need to tell you about.

OKAY, WELL,

I'M GONNA LET YOU GO--

Your father got

a new smartphone!

Yeah! Lookit!

I can check the weather

anywhere in the country, honey.

It's 37 degrees

where you are.

And flurries! Ooh!

Brr! (laughs)

(door opens)

JUNE, HEY, QUICK QUESTION.

I'M MEETING

A FILM CREW TODAY.

WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK

I SHOULD GO WITH,

CUBAN HEEL

OR FLAMENCO BOOT?

Is that James Van Der Beek?

(singsongy) James!

HEY!

James, honey!

I just read that you're gonna

be on "Dancing With the Stars."

You are going to win!

REALLY? YOU THINK SO?

I know so! I am the number one

"DWTS" fan!

Your only real competition

is Dean Cain.

He was... Superman. (chuckles)

YEAH,

LIKE SEVEN SUPERMANS AGO.

OKAY, GUYS,

WELL, I'M GONNA GO.

Bye, honey.

So, James, who's your partner?

UH, WE DON'T KNOW YET.

THEY, UM, THEY KEEP

THE PAIRINGS A SECRET,

AND THEN THEY TAPE

THE INTRODUCTION LIVE

TO PRESERVE THE MAGIC.

Well, your partner is crucial.

ALL RIGHT, BYE! SEE YOU LATER!

WE'LL TALK.

SO, IT--HOLD ON--

James?

WHAT D--

OKAY, COME ON, GET DRESSED.

WE HAVE TO MAKE IT TO THE BAR

BEFORE THE STOCK EXCHANGE

CLOSES,

UNLESS YOU'D RATHER

STUFF YOUR PIEHOLE

UNTIL THE SEAMS

OF YOUR HOUSECOAT EXPLODE.

CHLOE, I'M NOT DRINKING MY WAY

INTO A JOB.

IF YOU WANT YOUR DREAMS

TO COME TRUE,

YOU NEED TO DO

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

NOW SLIP OFF YOUR PANTIES

AND PUT ON THIS DRESS.

DAMN!

YOU GUYS WORK AT J.T. FRANKLIN?

YOU HAD A GREAT THIRD QUARTER.

I MUST'VE LEFT

A DOZEN VOICE MAILS

FOR YOUR H.R. DEPARTMENT.

(chuckles)

(laughing) THOSE VOICE MAILS

ARE HILARIOUS!

(laughing)

DUDE, I EVEN MADE ONE

MY RINGTONE.

CHLOE, I'M GOING HOME.

THESE GUYS ARE JERKS, AND I'M

EXHAUSTED AND HUNGRY AND--

FINE! GIVE ME YOUR DRINK

AND GET OUT OF HERE, QUITTER!

WAIT, WHAT WERE WE TALKING

ABOUT? WHY AM I MAD AT YOU?

(scoffs)

(indistinct conversations)

(man) HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

OH! NICE ROLEX.

WHO'S ITS DADDY?

MY NAME'S TREY.

HI, TREY. ARE YOU IN

THE FINANCE GAME?

OH, I LOVE GAMES--

MONOPOLY,

CHUTES AND LADDERS.

CANDY LAND.

YOU SHOULD SEE

MY GUMDROP MOUNTAINS.

(laughing)

(laughing)

MMM! MMM!

MMM!

(jars rattle)

AH!

LET'S TAKE

BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES.

WHAT? OKAY?

LET'S SEE HOW SWEATY WE GET.

(camera shutter clicks)

I SWEAT WHEN I EAT PEPPERS.

REALLY?

OH, YEAH. (grunts)

(clatters)

WHOA!

(panting)

(panting) WHAT?

OH!

LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS,

BUSINESSMAN.

(clatter)

(undoes zipper)

(knocking on door)

HEY, IS CHLOE HERE?

SHE ASKED ME TO GIVE HER

A HEADS-UP

IF I DISCOVERED ANY INTERESTING

PARTY COMBINATIONS.

LAST NIGHT, I WAS WORKING

AT THE E.R...

(singsongy) AND SOMEONE GOT

A LITTLE CREATIVE--

EXPIRED MEXICAN NASAL SPRAY

AND POMEGRANATE JUICE.

WHEN MIXED TOGETHER, THEY BECOME

WHAT IS KNOWN AS A "MIND BANG."

LIKE, KABOOM!

"WHAT HAPPENED?" SO...

(cell phone rings)

(beep)

HELLO?

(man) June Colburn?

YES, THIS IS JUNE COLBURN.

Miss Colburn, I'm calling from

Gabe Sharpe's office

at Sharpe Financial Management.

We'd like you to come in

for an interview.

(Chloe exhales deeply)

I'D WOULD G--J--W--

Excellent.

3:00 today.

(laughs)

(beep)

(sighs)

(slurring) WAS THAT FOR

THE JOB INTERVIEW I GOT YOU

AT SHARPER FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT?

WAIT! YOU DID THIS?

I TOLD YOU--NETWORKING.

I WENT OUT, I MET

THIS SUPER HOT GUY TREY.

HE WORKS THERE.

AND... BOOM.

GOT YOU THE INTERVIEW.

OH! WOW.

WHOO! I'M GONNA

FEEL THIS TOMORROW.

OH, YOUR HANGOVER?

YEAH, SURE.

OH!

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

BEFORE GRADUATING

AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS,

I HAD

TWO PREMIER INTERNSHIPS...

MM-HMM. HOW VERY IMPRESSIVE.

CARAMEL CHEW?

OH. UH, SURE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE.

I'VE--I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR...

(mouth full) MONTHS TO...

GET AN INTERVIEW HERE.

SORRY.

HMM?

UM...

YEAH?

THIS CARAMEL CHEW...

AH.

IT'S A LOT.

SO YOUR RESUME MADE IT

TO THE TOP OF THE HEAP

BECAUSE MY SON TREY IS SO TAKEN

WITH YOUR FRIEND CHLOE.

TREY'S YOUR SON?

MM-HMM, AND I WOULD

DO ANYTHING FOR HIM.

SO... CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU ARE HIRED!

OH, MY GOD!

(laughs)

THAT IS AMAZING!

(laughing)

OH! OH! OH! OH!

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST--I JUST DROOLED ON YOU.

I...

OH, WHOA.

I'M TRYING TO SWALLOW THIS THING

WHOLE BUT IT--IT FOUGHT ME.

WE JUST HAVE

A FEW MORE FORMALITIES--

BACKGROUND CHECK, DRUG TEST.

JUST TAKE A FEW MORE DAYS,

AND THEN WE CAN

MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

(laughs)

GOOD.

OH, HERE'S MY SON TREY. HE WANTS

TO MEET CHLOE'S ROOMMATE.

(panting)

I PUT STICKERS ON MY TIE.

(laughs)

THIS IS...

MM-HMM.

UH, C-CHLOE'S TREY?

CHLOE CUT MY BELT AND THEN

DID THINGS TO MY JUMBLES.

I HAVE A FEVER NOW...

IN MY SWIMSUIT.

(door closes)

(June) TREY WORKS HERE?

I LIKE TRAINS.

YEAH, HE USED TO BE ONE OF

OUR MOST CUTTHROAT

AND SUCCESSFUL BROKERS...

(sniffs)

BEFORE "THE INCIDENT."

LOOK, PROFESSOR X,

WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS.

I TOOK A GAMBLE WITH YOUR MONEY,

AND YOU LOST.

THE MONEY IS GONE.

(whooshing)

MOVE OUT OF YOUR R.V.,

MOVE IN WITH YOUR DAUGHTER,

START ORGANIZING YOUR PILLS,

AND GET READY TO DIE, BITCH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(growling)

SERIOUSLY,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

AAH!

(kisses)

BUT THE DOCTORS

ARE CONFIDENT THAT

HE'LL MAKE A FULL RECOVERY

IF HE COMES IN EVERY DAY

AND KEEPS TO HIS ROUTINE.

NOW BEING INTIMATE

WITH, UH, YOUR FRIEND CHLOE

WAS A REAL MILESTONE

FOR MY SON.

IF THEY SHOULD BREAK UP,

THAT WOULD MAKE ME VERY SAD,

AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'D STILL

BE IN THE HIRING MOOD.

I-I WILL DO WHATEVER

I... NEED TO DO

TO KEEP THEM INTIMATE.

I WILL GET IN THERE MYSELF.

(laughs nervously)

GET IN THERE! (chuckles)

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

OH. I'M WAITING

FOR MY PEDICURE TO DRY

BEFORE I PUT ON

MY CUBAN HEELS.

AS I MAKE THE TRANSITION

FROM ACTOR TO DANCER,

MY FEET ARE MY NEW FACE.

WELL, THEN I KINDA WANT

TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FEET.

OH, HEY! HOW'D IT GO?

(door closes)

GREAT. UM, THEY HIRED ME

ON THE SPOT.

IF ALL GOES WELL,

I START ON FRIDAY.

YAY!

ALL RIGHT!

SO YOU'RE FINALLY

BACK IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ.

I'M NOT...

UM, SO... I MET TREY.

HE'S... HE'S NICE.

NICE TO LOOK AT NAKED

ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR,

CRUMBS STUCK TO HIS ASS.

(chuckles)

UM, HOW DRUNK WERE YOU?

(laughs) SHATTERED!

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GONNA GO GET DRUNK

AND HAVE SEX ON THE SUBWAY.

TREY HAS A THING FOR TRAINS.

(laughs nervously)

AH.

OKAY.

SO YOU KNOW CHLOE WELL.

YEAH.

HAS SHE EVER DATED A GUY

WHO'S NOT UP TO HER...

PHYSICAL AND/OR...

MENTAL STANDARDS?

OH, NO! WHAT, HAS SHE GOT

HER MARTINI GOGGLES ON AGAIN?

(laughs)

YEAH, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,

SHE GOES THROUGH THESE PERIODS

WHERE SHE JUST GETS

SUPER SMASHED

AND HER JUDGMENT GOES

RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

I MEAN, SHE'LL GET

ON A TREE STUMP

AND THINK IT'S A KENNEDY.

THAT'S E--THAT'S EXACTLY

WHAT'S HAPPENING.

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU JUST TELL HER.

SHE'LL HAVE A LAUGH,

SET FIRE TO HIS CAR,

AND MOVE ON.

I WILL.

I-I W--I WILL TOTALLY

TELL HER...

RIGHT AFTER I SIGN MY CONTRACT

ON FRIDAY.

THIS IS MY DREAM JOB,

AND CHLOE SAID HERSELF

TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

DEVIOUS.

JAMES LIKEY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THAT'S GONNA BE

MY NEW CATCHPHRASE

FOR "DANCING WITH THE STARS."

I'M GONNA SAY IT

AS OFTEN AS I CAN.

JAMES LIKEY.

OH, IT'S SO MUCH FUN

TO WATCH YOUR PROCESS.

YEAH, IT IS.

YOU LOOK GREAT, JAMES.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE THE MOST FLEXIBLE

CONTESTANT WE'VE HAD

SINCE RICHARD GRIECO.

IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

(knock on door)

OKAY,

SO THAT'S YOUR PARTNER,

SO YOU'RE GONNA GREET HER,

AND WE'LL GO RIGHT INTO

THE INTRODUCTORY DANCE.

(laughs)

(inhales and exhales deeply)

I'VE MISSED YOU, AMERICA.

OHH!

AW, (bleep).

(door slams)

Angie Beckencort?!

James,

she's an 8-time loser.

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

(stomps feet)

NO.

(yawns)

BLFFT! SORRY.

IT'S A LITTLE DRY.

(cell phone rings)

HOLD ON, LET ME JUST--

I GOTTA TAKE THIS.

I read on her blog that

she's trying to get financing

for some Eskimo movie

that she wants to star in.

THAT GREASY SLUT!

We have to do something.

Dean Cain is dancing

with champion Karina Smirnoff.

(groans)

OH! (groans)

SO IT'S OVER. IT--IT...

IT'S OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS.

ARE YOU CHATTING WITH MY MOM?

NOT NOW, JUNE.

MOM, I'VE LEFT YOU

FIVE MESSAGES!

I-I GOT THIS JOB OFFER!

BUT I DON'T--

Sweetheart, we don't have

to chat every day.

THANK YOU, CONNIE. IT'S LIKE

ALL OF A SUDDEN, GOD HATES ME.

OH, NO, HE DOESN'T.

(Trey and Chloe laugh)

OH, HEY! DON'T MIND US.

TREY JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT

KIND OF TOYS I HAVE IN MY ROOM.

(chuckles nervously)

WE BOUGHT BATTERIES!

MM!

MMM!

OOH, ISN'T HE GORGEOUS?

HUH.

(giggles)

HEY, BABY.

(squeals)

HE IS SOMETHING ELSE.

MY BODY MAKES SALT!

(laughs)

SO IS HE--

IS HE STAYING UNTIL

THE SOBER LIGHT OF MORNING?

YEAH, HE SAID HE WANTS

TO MAKE A FORT.

(laughs)

(laughs)

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS,

BUT I AM SO DOWN.

AH!

(mutters)

LET'S MAKE A FORT. (laughs)

COME ON, BIG BOY. (laughs)

(door closes)

(snoring)

(whispering) HEY.

HEY.

SANTA?

YES, I AM SANTA,

AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE

THAT CAN SAVE CHRISTMAS.

(whispers)

I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

WRONG DOOR!

(continues snoring)

JUNE COLBURN. ANALYST.

SHARPE FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT.

NICE!

THEY EVEN

SPELLED YOUR NAME RIGHT.

(chuckles)

YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET

A NEW ONE FOR SIX MONTHS.

APPARENTLY,

THESE THINGS ARE $125.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, MARK.

OH.

(sighs) YOU HELPED ME THROUGH

THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE.

THIS JOB SAVED ME.

HEY, NO PROBLEM. (chuckles)

HEY, CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TONIGHT

TO SAY THANK YOU?

THERE'S THIS BAR

NEAR WALL STREET

THAT CHLOE TOOK ME TO.

OH, YEAH. I'VE BEEN TO

THE MEET MARKET.

I PRINTED MY RESUME

ON SOME COCKTAIL NAPKINS

AND LEFT 'EM INSIDE.

SO, YEAH, I'M DESPERATE,

AND THE DARKNESS IS CLOSING IN.

GREAT.

I WILL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

(beeps)

WHAT IS A.I.D.S.?!

(man) WHO IS GEORGE WASHINGTON?

OH. I THOUGHT

IT WAS A.I.D.S.

CORRECT. AND YOU'RE STILL

IN CONTROL OF THE BOARD.

I'LL TAKE BROADWAY MUSICALS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(beeps)

EATING AND WATCHING

OLD MAN QUESTIONS.

WHY ARE YOU EATING? WHY ARE YOU

NOT DRINKING A MARTINI?

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN PARTYING WAY TOO HARD.

I MEAN, THIS MORNING I WOKE UP,

AND TREY WAS GONE,

AND I BARELY EVEN REMEMBER

LAST NIGHT.

YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER

BEEN WITH HIM SOBER?

YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

YOU SHOULD--YOU SHOULD TOTALLY

BE WITH HIM SOBER,

RIGHT AFTER FRIDAY.

THE NEXT TWO DAYS,

YOU SHOULD DRINK

AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.

THAT WAY, WHEN YOU STOP, IT'LL

MEAN--IT'LL MEAN SO MUCH MORE.

NAH, I GOTTA DO THIS NOW.

I'VE BEEN ON A BENDER,

AND IT'S TOO MUCH, EVEN FOR ME.

SO WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT,

AND I'M NOT EVEN GONNA DRINK.

WHAT THE... MY APPLE!

(thud)

OH, SORRY! I JUST DID THAT

'CAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED

I HAD THIS GREAT IDEA!

I'M GOING OUT

WITH MARK TONIGHT,

AND YOU AND TREY SHOULD COME,

AND WE ALL SHOULD GET BLOTTO!

(laughs) LET'S START NOW!

WHOO!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID

I HAD A PROBLEM.

WELL, I'M A FOOD ADDICT,

SO DON'T--DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

DRINK! (laughs)

DRINK IT.

NO, I DON'T WANT IT.

(singsongy) DRINK IT.

I'M GOOD.

DRINK IT.

JUNE--

DRINK IT! DRINK IT!

DRINK IT, YOU BITCH!

(high-pitched voice)

OH, MY GOD!

JUNE, WHAT THE HELL

IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

DRINK IT! DRINK IT!

WHAT THE HELL?! (scoffs) NOW I'M

GONNA HAVE TO GO CHANGE!

TREY WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

YOU ARE A LOUD LADY

WITH A NICE CABOOSE.

(panting) OKAY.

I GOTTA GET CREATIVE.

BUT YOU SAID THAT CHLOE

SHOULDN'T HAVE THESE,

THAT THEY CONTRIBUTE

TO HER "PROBLEM" AND--

SHE NEEDS ANTIOXIDANTS.

OH. OKAY. WELL, IN THAT CASE,

YOU CAN HAVE 'EM...

ON ONE CONDITION--

I GET TO GO OUT

WITH YOU GUYS.

(Chamillionaire)

♪ THEY SEE ME ROLLIN' ♪

♪ THEY HATIN' ♪

♪ PATROLLIN' AND TRYIN'

TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

♪ TRYIN' TO CATCH ME

RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

♪ TRYIN' TO

CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

♪ TRYIN' TO CATCH ME

RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

♪ MY MUSIC SO LOUD ♪

♪ I'M SWANGIN' ♪

♪ THEY HOPIN' THAT THEY GON'

CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

♪ TRYIN' TO CATCH ME

RIDIN' DIRTY ♪

(laughs, gasps) BOOM!

(gasps, laughs)

THERE'S MONEY IN MY HEAD!

I LIKE THAT,

BUT IT SCARES ME.

IT SHOULD! I'M A WIZARD!

OH!

(laughs)

♪♪♪

WHAT'S UP WITH CHLOE?

WHAT? NOTHING.

NOTHING'S WRONG WITH CHLOE.

CHLOE'S A PARTY GIRL.

PARTY GIRLS PARTY.

SHE'S PUNCHING

SOME LADY'S CAKE.

YOU'RE A GROWN WOMAN!

THERE'S A CLOWN ON IT!

I GAVE HER SOMETHING

CALLED A MIND BANG

SO SHE'LL KEEP THINKING

TREY IS A HOT PIECE OF ASS.

WHAT?!

SHE'S ONLY EVER SEEN HIM

WITH MARTINI GOGGLES,

AND HE'S THE BOSS' SON, AND I

SIGN MY CONTRACT ON FRIDAY.

JUNE, I KNOW HOW MUCH GETTING

BACK ON WALL STREET MEANS

BETTER THAN ANYONE, BUT MORALLY,

THIS IS JUST WRONG.

ONCE I'M IN,

I'LL GET YOU A JOB.

SHE IS FINE. (laughs)

PARTY, PARTY GIRL! PARTY!

AAH!

YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO HELL.

YES, WE ARE.

(Chloe laughs)

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL,

BEACH-ADJACENT, 2-BEDROOM CONDO

ON THE MEXICAN RIVIERA.

NOW MY CHIROPRACTOR

HAS EARMARKED AUGUST,

BUT ANY OTHER TIME,

IT'S YOURS.

YOU WANNA TRADE

YOUR TIMESHARE

FOR MY "DANCING WITH THE STARS"

PARTNER?

DEAN, HONESTLY, IF I WERE YOU,

I WOULD JUMP ON THIS.

THIS IS--I MEAN... (sighs)

TORTUGA DEL CIELO.

I-ISN'T THAT A GAY RESORT?

IT WASN'T WHEN I BOUGHT IT.

(stammers) I'M NOT GONNA SELL

YOU ON THE MEXICAN RIVIERA.

I KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS.

YEAH, YOUR PARTNER'S

ANGIE BECKENCORT,

AND YOU'RE GONNA LOSE.

I NEED KARINA SMIRNOFF, DEAN.

I'M NOT GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF

MYSELF ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

YES, YOU ARE,

AND I'M GONNA BE BACKSTAGE,

EATING FRESH PINEAPPLE

FLIPPING YOU THE MENTAL BIRD,

JUST LIKE I'M DOING

RIGHT NOW.

STOP IT.

STOP IT.

(gasps)

STOP.

DEAN CAIN SOUNDS LIKE

AN ANIMAL.

YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD HIM,

DIMINISHING MEXICO.

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT THIS?

SO BAD.

THEN YOU HAVE TO DO

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET IT.

IS YOUR MONEY PRETTY LIQUID

RIGHT NOW?

IT CAN BE.

GOOD.

THEN WE CAN LIQUIDATE

OUR LITTLE ANGIE PROBLEM.

HUH.

OH, BY THE WAY,

MY CHURCH GROUP

SENT YOU SOME BROWNIES.

I hope you're not allergic

to nuts or love.

AW.

TO THE NEWEST ANALYST HERE AT

SHARPE FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT--

JUNE COLBURN!

(applause)

(giggles) HI, HOW ARE YOU?

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, GOD. SHE'S HERE.

HELLO.

HI!

AND SHE LOOKS SOBER.

HI!

TREY INVITED ME.

CHLOE!

(piano playing light jazz)

WHAT ARE YOU--WHAT ARE YOU--

OH, ARE YOU WONDERING

WHY I'M KISSING TREY

WITHOUT MY MARTINI GOGGLES ON?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

JAMES TOLD ME.

UGH. THESE BROWNIES TASTE

LIKE LOVE. WHO MADE THEM?

JUNE'S MOM.

YOU'RE DATING A DOUCHE

WITH A HEAD INJURY.

(clicks tongue) AGAIN?

SO... YOU'VE SEEN TREY AS HE IS

AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?

WELL, I GOOGLED HIM

AND FOUND OUT

HE'S WORTH $3.2 BILLION.

SO I TOOK MY MARTINI GOGGLES OFF

AND PUT MY MONEY GOGGLES ON.

SO... WE'RE OKAY?

I MEAN, YOU GET

A RICH BOYFRIEND,

AND I GET MY DREAM JOB,

AND EVERYBODY WINS?

SWEETHEART!

OH, MY PRETTY WIFE!

OH!

(indistinct conversations)

HE'S MARRIED?!

OH, SO WHAT? I DON'T CARE.

SHE PROBABLY KNOWS.

YEAH. YEAH, I MEAN, COME ON,

WE'RE ALL GROWN-UPS.

DADDY!

OH, MY TINY SON! (laughs)

I CLIMBED ON TOP OF MY WIFE,

AND A LITTLE MAN CAME OUT.

(Gabe chuckles)

I GUESS YOU DIDN'T KNOW

ABOUT THE, UH...

OH, BUT MOST OF OUR BROKERS

HAVE AN EXTRA PARKING SPACE.

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU'RE FINE

WITH THE OLD SIDE-TUSH,

GIVEN THE, UH, CIRCUMSTANCES

OF YOUR REFERRAL.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REFRESHING TO

HAVE A WOMAN AROUND WHO GETS IT.

UH... NO.

NO, I-I-I DO NOT GET IT.

(Trey) AAH! (groans)

OH, MY TURTLE'S DEAD.

W-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT.

HE UNDERSTANDS MORTALITY!

DOCTORS SAY THAT

THAT IS A HUGE SIGN OF PROGRESS!

OKAY, I-I CAN'T DO THIS.

I LIED TO MY ROOMMATE,

I KEPT HER DRUNK,

I SACRIFICED MY INTEGRITY

JUST FOR A STUPID JOB.

BUT NOT ANYMORE.

CHLOE, I AM SORRY, BUT I AM NOT

WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

MR. SHARPE, I QUIT.

FINE. YOUR SKIRT'S

TOO LONG ANYWAY.

OKAY, BYE, JUNE! WE'LL SEND YOU

A POSTCARD FROM BARBADOS.

CHLOE.

TAKE YOUR MONEY GOGGLES OFF.

NO!

CHLOE, HE HAS A WIFE

AND A CHILD.

AND A JET!

CHLOE, YOU ARE BETTER

THAN THIS.

TAKE THE MONEY GOGGLES OFF.

(scoffs)

(whines) FINE.

HI!

WELL... THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.

I'M GONNA SET FIRE TO HIS CAR

TO PUNISH HIM FOR MY MISTAKE.

SEE? THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU.

(door closes)

(mouth full) SO, YEAH,

THIS ANONYMOUS INVESTOR

JUST GAVE US THE CASH

TO FINANCE MY MOVIE.

SO I'M LEAVING FOR GREENLAND

TOMORROW. MMM!

ESKIMOS!

YEAH.

BUT GOOD LUCK

WITH "DANCING WITH THE STARS."

I HOPE YOU FIND ANOTHER

REALLY GREAT PARTNER.

AH, YOU'RE A TOUGH ACT

TO FOLLOW.

OH, MISS YOU ALREADY.

Best money you ever spent.

BEST ADVICE YOU EVER GAVE.

Did you know that the Eskimos

migrated to Alaska

via prehistoric land bridge?

Donald, what did we say about

having our own friends?

THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.