Original subtitles

(June) NEW YORK IS

THE CULTURAL MECCA

OF THE WORLD--

GREAT SHOPPING, THEATER,

RESTAURANTS...

IF YOU HAVE MONEY,

WHICH I DON'T.

I'VE BEEN SURVIVING

ON A SACK OF POTATOES

I FOUND BEHIND A DELI.

I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD

TO PAY RENT THIS MONTH,

NOT LIKE THIS RICH LADY

SITTING HERE

WITH HER FANCY DOG,

EATING GOURMET CRAB CAKES.

IS SHE OFFERING ME

A BITE OF CRAB CAKE?

WHY DID SHE DO THAT?

(woman, haughty voice)

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT,

TOYING WITH THE GIRL'S EMOTIONS

LIKE THAT.

MAYBE I WAS BORED.

MAYBE I WAS LASHING OUT

AT GEOFFREY.

EITHER WAY,

IT WAS SOMETHING TO DO.

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!

OH, I SPILLED MY SOUP

AT LUNCH,

AND THEN A GUY'S HEART

EXPLODED ON ME.

I COULD NEVER BE A NURSE

LIKE YOU.

I'D BE WAY TOO EMOTIONAL.

YEAH, WELL,

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE WEAK.

IT TAKES A SPECIAL KIND

OF PERSON--

SOMEONE CALM, COMPOSED,

NOT EASILY RATTLED.

OH, MY GOD! MY MOUSE PAD

WITH CHLOE'S PICTURE ON IT CAME!

YEAH!

♪ MM-MM, MM-MM, MM-MM ♪

(keys jangling)

IT'S FIRST, LAST,

AND SECURITY TO MOVE IN.

IS CASH OKAY?

(door opens)

(door closes)

OH! GOOD!

OUR OTHER ROOMMATE IS

HOME.

JUNE, THIS IS BETHANY.

SHE RESPONDED TO THE ROOMMATE

LISTING THAT WE POSTED.

WHAT ROOM--WHAT ARE YOU...

(whispers) NO. NO!

YOU CANNOT RUN THE ROOMMATE SCAM

AGAIN, CHLOE. IT'S WRONG!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

AM I STILL GONNA MEET DAWSON?

IT'S THE LAST

TIME.

I

SWEAR.

(speaking German)

Good Day!

So good to be home!

(door closes)

Can't wait to take a hot bath...

...and...

...where is all my stuff?

OH! THE GERMAN ROOMMATE.

I FORGOT ABOUT HER.

SHE WAS IN PLAY

WAY BEFORE YOU MOVED IN.

HI, GERTA!

WELCOME.

DID YOU BRING ME

ANY GUMMI BEARS?

(woman) ♪ I'M NOT PERFECT,

I'M NO SNITCH ♪

♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪

(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪

(buzzer)

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪

WOW. GERTA WAS REALLY MAD.

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE

TRYING

TO SCAM ANOTHER GIRL.

DO YOU EVEN

KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS

WRONG?

HELP. HELP ANOTHER GIRL.

AND IT'S NOT WRONG.

IT'S A GRAY AREA.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING

AS A GRAY AREA.

IT'S EITHER RIGHT

OR IT'S WRONG.

NOT TRUE. IF IT HADN'T BEEN ME

STEALING HER MONEY,

IT WOULD'VE BEEN

SOMEBODY

ELSE,

AND THEY PROBABLY WOULD'VE

KILLED HER,

TOO,

SO I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. YOU JUST

SENT POOR BECKY OFF TO DIE.

BETHANY.

WHATEVER.

EITHER WAY, SHE'S DEAD.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO YOU HURT,

DO YOU?

WHETHER IT'S ROBIN OR BETHANY

OR THAT OLD GERMAN LADY.

SHOCKINGLY, GERTA'S ONLY 25.

GERMAN PEOPLE JUST AGE

SO POORLY.

SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN TO MAKE UP

MY HALF OF THE

RENT?

OH, YOUR HALF?

UH, YEAH. YOU JUST SCARED OFF

THOSE GIRLS.

NOW I HAVE NO WAY TO PAY.

I CAN'T EVEN COVER MY HALF.

AND I CAN'T ASK MY PARENTS

FOR HELP.

THEY SPENT ALL THEIR

SAVINGS

PUTTING ME THROUGH GRAD SCHOOL.

We canceled the cable and we're

making our own hair spray.

(static)

We'll be okay,

as long as Grandma Rose

passes soon. (chuckles)

Unfortunately,

she's a fighter,

but, uh, we're prayin'.

We're praying. (chuckles)

Yeah, every

night.

(scoffs) WELL, WHATEVER.

I'LL JUST ASK JAMES.

YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.

NO PROBLEM.

(sighs

WHATEVER YOU NEED.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, JAMES.

THAT'S AWESOME.

JUST TALK TO LUTHER.

HE HANDLES ALL MY FINANCES.

BITCH, PLEASE.

BITCH.

UGH. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IN THE PAST FOUR

YEARS,

YOU'VE BORROWED...

OVER $20,000 FROM JAMES.

DINNERS, SHOPPING SPREES.

AND I'M NOT EVEN COUNTING

JAMES' STUNT DOUBLE YOU

"LOST."

COME ON, LUTHER.

I NEED THE MONEY.

AND I NEEDED NOTES

ON MY PLAY.

I GAVE IT TO YOU TO READ

OVER A YEAR AGO.

(singsongy) REMEMBER?

SO, AGAIN, MY ANSWER IS...

(imitates Southern accent)

THE GRAPES ON THE VINE

AREN'T HAVING IT.

(normal voice) IF YOU'D READ

MY PLAY, YOU'D GET THAT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS FINISHED?

'CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING EXCITING

TO SHOW YOU.

READY? AND...

REVEAL!

NICE.

RIGHT? MY PUBLICIST THOUGHT

I SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF ALL THE PRESS I'M GETTING

FOR "DANCING WITH THE STARS"

AND LAUNCH MY OWN LINE OF JEANS.

SO...

BEEK JEANS.

PUT YOUR CHEEKS IN A BEEK.

(chuckles)

RIGHT?

HOLY MOTHER! DAMN IT, THOSE

ARE

TIGHT! DOESN'T THAT HURT?

SO MUCH. YEAH.

BUT IF YOU WANT YOUR ASS

TO ROCK,

YOUR PLUMS GOTTA PAY THE PRICE.

♪ LA-LA-LA LA-LA,

LA-LA-LA LA-LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA-LA

♪

AH

DO YOU WANT THE BUTTON

OR THE

EURO?

BUTTON. AT LEAST IT'LL BE WORTH

SOMETHING IN A FEW YEARS.

(laughs) TOPICAL.

OHH. AM I SO SICK

OF WORRYING ABOUT MONEY.

ME, TOO. JENNIFER AND I

ARE

ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT

MOVING IN TOGETHER

TO SAVE MONEY ON RENT.

BIG STEP! THAT'S EXCITING!

YEAH, IT IS.

SHE'S GOT A LOT OF

DEFINITE

OPINIONS ABOUT THINGS--

MY WARDROBE, MY MUSIC,

THE WAY I EAT EGGS.

I BLOW ON 'EM WHETHER OR NOT

THEY'RE WARM.

IT BOTHERS SOME

PEOPLE.

OOH! I GOTTA RUN.

I GOTTA GET TO CHURCH.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU WENT TO

CHURCH.

I USED TO GO EVERY SUNDAY

BACK IN INDIANA.

I REALLY MISSED

THAT SENSE OF COMMUNITY,

SO I FOUND THIS REALLY GREAT

CHURCH RIGHT BY MY APARTMENT.

WOW. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH

IN FOREVER.

JENNIFER THINKS

GOD STEALS FOCUS.

YOU MIND IF I TAG ALONG?

(organ playing hymn,

people shouting indistinctly)

(speaking Korean)

(loudly) I WAS RAISED BAPTIST,

SO THIS FEELS LIKE HOME.

(loudly)

WHAT, DO YOU SPEAK KOREAN?

GOD SPEAKS ALL LANGUAGES.

YES,

BUT DO YOU SPEAK KOREAN?

(continues speaking Korean)

(speaking Korean)

(coins clink)

THAT WAS A LOVELY SERMON,

PASTOR JIN.

OHH, JUNE,

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SORRY. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING

FOR THE COLLECTION PLATE,

BUT I DID BRING YOU SOME

OF MY HOMEMADE JAM.

(gasps)

OHH! DON'T APOLOGIZE.

EVERYONE LOVES YOUR JAM.

NUMBER TWO SELLER AT

THE CHURCH BAZAAR LAST MONTH.

NUMBER ONE WAS

GRACE PARK'S VELVET ELVISES.

(organ swells)

IT'S THE JAM.

THE JAM IS THE ANSWER!

THIS HAS BEEN

A VERY CONFUSING DAY.

HEY. CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAIR?

UH...

OKAY.

YOU LOOK LIKE OBAMA.

(stammers) I-I GOTTA

GO

TO THE BATHROOM.

I HAVE A NEW NEMESIS.

LUTHER HAS JUST REPLACED

CHEAP TEQUILA.

(keys jangle)

I HAD A BRAINSTORM AT CHURCH.

OH, YOU'RE STILL GOING

TO THAT PLACE?

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD KOREAN.

CHRISTIAN.

WHAT AM I SAYING?

I'M GONNA MAKE

MY HOMEMADE JAM

AND SELL IT

TO COVER MY RENT.

BOO. HORRIBLE

IDEA.

NO, IT'S NOT.

NO ONE CAN RESIST MY JAM.

HERE. TRY IT.

BE CAREFUL, THOUGH.

IT'S REALLY HOT.

(blows

air)

WOW. THIS IS AMAZING,

JUNE.

REALLY?

I CAN TOTALLY SELL THIS.

WE CAN TEAM UP

TO MAKE THE RENT.

TOGETHER,

WE'RE TWICE AS STRONG.

YEAH, WE ARE!

(woman) ♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

("Neutron Dance" playing)

♪ I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THIS

ANYMORE ♪

♪ I'LL JUST STAY HERE

LOCKED BEHIND THE DOOR ♪

♪ JUST NO TIME TO STOP

AND GET AWAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WORK SO HARD

TO MAKE IT EVERY DAY ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

♪ WHOO-EE, YEAH ♪

♪ I'M SO HAPPY ♪

♪ DOING THE NEUTRON DANCE ♪

♪ OHH ♪

♪ I'M JUST BURNIN' ♪

CHLOE!

♪ DOING THE NEUTRON DANCE ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

CHLOE, YOU FORGOT

ONE OF THE J--

(wheels squeak)

WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH OUR JAM?

I'M STORING THE JAM

BECAUSE CHLOE AND I ARE--

THAT'S...

(slams door)

THAT'S COMPLETELY WRONG.

(doorknob rattling)

CHLOE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I THOUGHT THAT YOU

WERE

SELLING

THEM

TO ARTISAN SHOPS

AND FARMERS MARKETS.

(knocking on

door)

WELL, NOT

EXACTLY.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

WE'RE STILL MAKING MONEY.

COME ON!

HOW?

(rattling continues)

OKAY, DON'T BE MAD.

(June,

haltingly)

NO ONE CAN

RESIST

MY HOT, HOT JAM.

NO ONE CAN

RESIST

MY HOT, HOT JAM.

NO ONE CAN

RESIST MY HOT, HOT JAM.

NO ONE CAN

RESIST

MY HOT...

I MADE A FETISH SITE.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE A

FORTUNE.

...MY HOT, HOT JAM.

(door closes)

A FETISH SITE?!

NO ONE CAN RESIST MY HOT--

REMEMBER WHEN YOU FED ME

A TASTE OF YOUR HOT, HOT JAM?

WELL, I REALIZED THAT PERVERTS

WOULD PAY A LOT OF MONEY

TO WATCH US MAKE IT,

WHICH ELI CONFIRMED,

SO HE HELPED ME SET UP

THE

CAMERAS.

CAMERAS?

(whispers) CAMERAS?

(camera whirs)

(computer

beeping)

ELI?

THE SUBJECT IS AWARE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU WOULD DO THIS!

AND WHO WANTS TO SEE ME

MAKE JAM ANYWAY?

IT'S A VERY SCIENTIFIC PROCESS.

THERE IS NOTHING SEXY ABOUT IT!

(both giggle)

(moans)

MM-HMM.

OHH.

(smacking sounds)

OH

(giggling)

(both laugh)

(giggles)

IS THAT WHY WE WERE HAVING

ALL THOSE PILLOW

FIGHTS?

JUNE, YOU'RE MISSING

THE BIG PICTURE HERE.

WE'RE GONNA BE RICH. RIGHT, ELI?

TOTALLY. YOU GUYS ARE

GONNA

MAKE SO MUCH MONEY,

AS SOON

AS THE FREE TRIAL PERIOD ENDS.

FREE TRIAL

PERIOD?

WELL, WE NEED

TO GET PEOPLE INTERESTED

BEFORE WE CAN

ASK THEM TO PAY.

THE FOOD FETISH MARKET

IS SATURATED RIGHT

NOW.

YOU'VE GOT SALAD SHOOTERS,

GRANDMA'S GARDEN,

RIPE CHERRIES,

MELON

BALLERS--

SO WE'VE MADE NO MONEY?!

NOT YET.

BUT IN 54 SHORT DAYS, I...

(blinds rattle)

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU WOULD DO THIS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU'D PUT ME ON A PORN SITE!

THAT IS WRONG

IN SO MANY WAYS!

IT'S A FETISH SITE. AND IT'S NOT

WRONG. IT'S ANOTHER GRAY

AREA.

YOU WOULD'VE BEEN MAKING THE JAM

WHETHER OR NOT WE FILMED IT.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING

AS A GRAY AREA!

YOU EXPLOITED ME

WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE.

YOU'RE BEING VERY JUDGMENTAL

RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S NOT VERY KOREAN

OF YOU.

YOU NEVER BELIEVED

IN THE JAM.

WELL, I'M GONNA GO SELL IT

WITHOUT YOU.

AND EVEN IF I FAIL, I'LL GO HOME

TO INDIANA PENNILESS,

KNOWING THAT I DID

THE RIGHT

THING.

I'M NOT PAYING YOU BACK

FOR THE CAMERAS.

(Eli) THAT'S FINE. I'VE GOT

A COUPLE OTHER WEB SITES

GOING.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY GIRLS

IN THE BUILDING.

(breathy voice)

I WAS JUST READING

A VERY CRITICAL LETTER

FROM MY MOTHER.

SHE'S UPSET THAT I DIDN'T GO

TO MY UNCLE PAT'S SURGERY.

(inhales sharply) OW.

(static)

(sneezes) SORRY.

(static)

I HAVE A LOT OF CATS.

(horn honks)

I CAN'T BELIEVE CHLOE SECRETLY

FILMED YOU MAKING THIS STUFF.

ME, NEITHER.

WHAT WAS THE NAME

OF THAT WEB SITE AGAIN?

YOU KNOW, JUST SO I CAN

MAKE

SURE IT'S DEFINITELY SHUT DOWN.

(door bells jingle,

horn honks)

ELI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M A HEALTH INSPECTOR.

I'M HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

SHUT UP, YOU

PERV.

YOU'RE NOT A HEALTH

INSPECTOR.

(laughs nervously) JUNE!

W-WHAT THE--WHAT ARE YOU DOING,

COMING IN HOT LIKE THAT?

OF COURSE MR. WEBER IS

A HEALTH INSPECTOR.

HE CITED US FOUR TIMES

IN THE LAST MONTH.

WE'VE REMEDIED THE PROBLEM,

BY THE WAY.

WE'VE COMPLETELY CHANGED

OUR POLICY

REGARDING THE 3-SECOND RULE,

SO...

(muffin thuds)

ELLEN!

LEAVE IT.

ACTUALLY,

I'M HERE FOR THE JAM.

I'M

AFRAID

I HAVE TO CONFISCATE IT.

I HAVE PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE

THAT IT WAS MADE

UNDER FILTHY, FILTHY CONDITIONS.

ELI, NO! THIS--

THIS IS MY RENT JAM!

I SPENT EVERY LAST DOLLAR I HAD

MAKING IT.

IF YOU TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME,

I WILL HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

SORRY, JUNE,

BUT I HAVE TO DO MY JOB.

NO! NO!

I'M NOT JUST YOUR

SEXUALLY ADVENTUROUS NEIGHBOR.

I'M ALSO

A COMMITTED PUBLIC

SERVANT.

(bottles clink)

OH, AND,

ELLEN?

I'M FOLLOWING YOU ON TWITTER.

YOU'RE HILARIOUS.

(door bells jingle)

(horn honks, motor rumbles)

SEE YA AT

HOME!

(door closes)

(scoffs)

♪ OH, LA-LA-LA LA LA LA ♪

HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO PAY RENT

IF JUNE KEEPS SABOTAGING

ALL MY IDEAS?

HEY, CAN WE SLOW DOWN,

PLEASE?

THESE JEANS WERE NOT DESIGNED

FOR MOTION.

SORRY.

LISTEN.

YOU JUST CAN'T GIVE UP.

REMEMBER MY FIRST VENTURE

INTO FASHION?

MEGGINGS. MALE LEGGINGS.

NOBODY BOUGHT THEM

EXCEPT FOR ANDY DICK.

BUT DID I GIVE UP? NO.

SEE, YOU JUST NEED

TO COME UP WITH A NEW IDEA.

YOU'RE CREATIVE.

YOU'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

(exhales deeply)

LUTHER SAID THE BILLBOARD

IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

YOU READY TO SEE A 10-STORY HIGH

VERSION OF MY

ASS?

YEAH! YOU KNOW IT.

(siren wailing in distance)

OHH!

ALL RIGHT!

YOU DON'T SEE IT?

SEE WHAT?

LOOK A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.

OH, MY GOD.

(camera shutter clicks)

(laughs) IT'S FUNNY.

GENUINELY FUNNY.

(beep)

I'M GONNA SEND THIS.

TO WHO?

EVERYONE! (laughing)

(door closes)

(elevator bell dings)

TODAY I HELPED A MAN SEE

FOR THE FIRST TIME,

YET YOU'RE THE ONE WHO

GETS

TO GO HOME TO CHLOE.

GOING HOME TO CHLOE

IS NOT SO

GREAT.

YOU'RE CRAZY. I'D GIVE MY

LEFT NUT TO HAVE WHAT YOU

HAVE.

OKAY, I HAVE TO ASK YOU,

WHY DO YOU LIKE CHLOE

SO MUCH?

SHE'S MEAN TO YOU,

SHE'S DECEITFUL--

PALE, POPULAR,

SHE HAS 4% BODY FAT.

CHLOE IS EVERYTHING

I WISH I WAS.

I JUST FEEL LIKE,

IF I COULD HAVE

ONE FRIEND LIKE HER,

EVERYTHING WOULD BE GOOD.

WOW.

I'M SO SORRY.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT--

YEAH, YOU ARE SORRY.

OKAY. I WAS JUST TRYING

TO BE SUPPORTIVE.

YEAH? TELL IT TO YOUR BRA,

SAG-BAGS. MM.

WHATEVER. CALL ME NAMES.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.

IF I CAN'T FIND MONEY

TO PAY MY RENT,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO MOVE HOME.

MONEY? HA.

THAT'S THE ONE PROBLEM

I DON'T HAVE.

I'M IN

THE NURSES' UNION, JUNE.

I'M GETTING PAID

FOR HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

(elevator bell dings)

OOH, WAIT.

I THINK WE CAN

WORK SOMETHING OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

I'M WILLING TO OFFER YOU MONEY

FOR ACCESS TO CHLOE.

NO. I CAN'T. IT'S WRONG.

MORE WRONG THAN YOU GETTING

ON A BUS BACK TO INDIANA?

SO DID YOU GET IT TAKEN DOWN?

NO, IT TURNS

OUT

IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.

BUT HONESTLY, I-I THINK

WE'RE MORE SENSITIVE TO IT.

I DON'T THINK OTHER PEOPLE

HAVE NOTICED.

(laughs)

MEATBALLS!

MEATBALLS! YEAH!

THAT'S IT. I'M CALLING LUTHER.

HE SHOULDA SEEN THIS

COMING.

OOH, CONFERENCE ME IN.

I WANNA TELL HIM THAT HE'S

AGING POORLY FOR A BLACK MAN.

(bottle clinks)

MM! (chuckles)

(paper rips,

cash register rings)

(cell phone

rings)

(beep)

HEY.

June?

(paper rips,

cash register rings)

(camera shutter clicks)

(paper rips,

cash register rings)

(door opens)

OH!

FAT CABBIE CAN RUN.

PRETTY SURE HE HAD

A HEART ATTACK, THOUGH,

SO I JUST GOT

A FREE RIDE HOME.

THERE ARE NO FREE RIDES.

OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA JUDGE ME.

I DON'T JUDGE ANYMORE.

I'M JUST SITTING

HERE,

EATING EXPENSIVE CRAB CAKES.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ARE

YOU STILL WORRIED ABOUT RENT?

BECAUSE I FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO MAKE UP MY HALF.

GOOD.

(slow jazz music playing)

WE ALL DO WHAT WE NEED TO

IN ORDER TO SURVIVE...

THINGS YOU DIDN'T THINK

YOU WERE CAPABLE OF.

THEN YOU ARE.

THIS CRAB IS GOOD...

BUT IT'S NOT GREAT.

(snoring)

(lowered voice) SWEET!

(turns on TV)

(man) DAMN IT, MULDER.

YEAH.

YOU'RE OFF THE CASE.

(sighs deeply)

(science fiction movie music

playing)

(paper rips,

cash register rings)

♪♪♪

(James) CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MY JEANS ARE

FLYING OFF THE SHELVES.

SEE, THIS IS WHY

AMERICA'S GREAT.

IT'S ALL THANKS

TO THAT

BILLBOARD.

THE GAYS SAW SOMETHING

THEY LIKED,

STARTED BUYING UP MY JEANS.

NOT TO BE

OUTDONE,

THE HIPSTERS JUMPED ON BOARD,

WHICH MADE THE JAPANESE

TAKE NOTICE.

THE TASTEMAKER TRIFECTA.

(laughs)

HANSEL HERE IS ALL THREE.

HE'S MY CLIENT ZERO.

AREN'T YOU,

BUDDY?

I HAVE AN IRONIC MUSTACHE.

ARIGATO. HEY!

(laughs)

(laughs

WHAT IS UP WITH ME?

I JUST CAN'T STOP MAKING MONEY.

MEATBALLS

(all) MEATBALLS!

(James laughs)

(laughter,

indistinct conversations)

(whispers) MY PLAY.

(speaks inaudibly)

(indistinct conversations)

OKAY, GO TO A PARTY WITH CHLOE--

THAT'S $200.

OKAY. THERE'S ONE MORE THING

I'D LIKE TO DO WITH HER.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST TO HER

TONIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

PUBLIC TOAST. THAT'LL

BE...

$400.

YES! DEAL.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I NEED TO THINK OF MY SPEECH.

I'LL NEED A DRY ERASE BOARD,

A LANTERN,

AND A GOBLET OF SOME SORT.

(Chloe) HEY!

LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT YOUR HALF OF THE

RENT.

(singsongy) I FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO PAY FOR BOTH OF US.

YOU'RE GONNA PAY MY HALF,

TOO?

WELL, I WAS LOOKING

AT THE BATHROOM CAM FOOTAGE

THAT WE SHOT

FOR THE WEB SITE,

AND I STARTED TO FEEL

REALLY BAD.

YOU PUT A CAMERA

IN THE BATHROOM?!

OH, NO.

WHAT IS--WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

IS THAT A MOLE?

OH, GOOD. WHAT WAS THAT?

WAS IT

CHOCOLATE?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

BUT THE POINT IS, I FELT BAD

SO I'M PAYING YOUR RENT.

YOU ARE?

WELL, AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO

ME,

I DON'T REALLY WANT YOUR HELP.

COME ON. I DON'T WANT YOU

TO HAVE TO MOVE HOME.

PLEASE. YOU DON'T

CARE.

I DO. IT TURNS OUT I DON'T HATE

HAVING YOU AROUND.

(whispers) OH,

GOD.

I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON

AND A VERY BAD KOREAN.

I AM SO SORRY

FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I SOLD YOU TO ROBIN.

I MADE A LOT OF MONEY

LETTING HER DO THINGS WITH YOU

WITHOUT YOU

KNOWING.

SHE EVEN

AGREED

TO PAY ME $400

TO MAKE A TOAST TO YOU TONIGHT

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

HUH.

NICE SCAM. I'M IMPRESSED.

NO, WHAT I DID WAS WRONG.

IS IT?

I MEAN, I'M NOT MAD,

AND LOOK HOW HAPPY ROBIN IS.

YOU'RE LIKE

THE MIDWESTERN MOTHER TERESA

FOR PATHETIC PEOPLE.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO

ME?

THIS IS

JUST LIKE IN THE

MOVIES

WHEN THE GOOD PERSON MAKES

THE BAD PERSON BETTER,

ONLY IN REVERSE.

YOU'RE MAKING ME

WORSE.

NO WAY.

YOU'RE MAKING ME WORSE.

BECAUSE OF YOU,

I FEEL GUILTY

ABOUT THINGS THAT I SHOULDN'T

EVEN CARE ABOUT--

THE WEB SITE, ROBIN.

I EVEN KINDA FEEL BAD

ABOUT THE JAMES THING.

WHAT JAMES THING?

WELL, THAT WAS MY PLAN

TO PAY OUR RENT.

I

LOOSENED

THE UPSTAIRS RAILINGS

SO THAT I COULD TRIP

AND ACCIDENTALLY FALL

AND THEN SUE HIM FOR DAMAGES.

WHAT? HE'S SUPER RICH.

PLUS HE'S THE ONE THAT SAID

I SHOULD GET CREATIVE.

(clinking glass)

HI.

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

UM, WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY DEFINES

THE WORD "FRIEND" AS--

(metal cracks)

NO!

NOT FINISHED!

(murmuring)

(thud)

(gasps)

(Robin) OW. OW.

OH, MY GOD. IS SHE OKAY?

OW. OW. OW.

I'M OKAY.

WERE YOU GONNA SAY SOMETHING?

A TOAST?

OH, YEAH.

OH, WHY, THANK YOU. THAT'S NICE.

IT DEFINES THE WORD "FRIEND" AS

ONE WHO IS ATTACHED TO

ANOTHER

BY ESTEEM, AFFECTION,

AND LOYALTY.

THANK YOU.

GREAT TOAST, HUH?

CHEERS!

(all) CHEERS!

(June)

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

UH-HUH. DID WE SAY $400?

OH, IT'S

OKAY.

IT'S... ON THE HOUSE.

AWESOME.

THAT WAS REALLY NICE OF US.

MAYBE WE'RE MAKING EACH OTHER

BETTER.

MM! (giggles)

WELL,

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY

SAY.

WHEN THE HARVEST COMES

AND THE BIRDS HAVE FLOWN,

THAT WILL BE THE

TIME.

♪♪

READ THE DAMN

PLAY!

I'M GONNA GET UP.

I'M JUST RESTING.

(door closes)

(funk music playing)

AHH.

(squishing)

SLOW JAM.

(inhales deeply)

(exhales deeply)

NANA, YOU'RE

THERE

SO THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I'M SURE THEY'LL GIVE YOU BACON

IF YOU ASK.

PUT THE NURSE ON THE PHONE.

DO NOT GIVE HER BACON.

PUT HER BACK ON.

DID YOU SEE "CASTLE" LAST NIGHT?

I KNOW! IT IS GETTING BETTER.

Captioned by

Closed Captioning Services,

Inc.