Original subtitles

[announcer] The Adventures of Batman, with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo against crime and corruption,

whose real identities as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne

and his young ward, Dick Grayson,

are known only to Alfred, the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave deep beneath Wayne Manor,

they roar out to protect life, limb and property

as Batman and Robin, caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin, scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin, pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains, here come Batman and Robin.

[narrator] The Gotham World's Fair,

which brings to Gotham City a new criminal,

Mother Appel,

beneath whose gray hair lies the black heart of Simon the Pieman.

The crew is all here, Simon.

Simon is ready. Come.

[narrator] But what's this? The beginning of a crime syndicate?

You're wondering about the rumor that Simon has come to Gotham

to monopolize crime.

Well, that rumor is true.

[laughing]

By ginger, it was a snap.

Now Simon the Pieman is the kingpin of crime.

We call our first caper "Lady Fingers."

[narrator] Opening day at the fair.

And in the House of Jewels, the fabulous collection of Wayne diamonds

displayed on the fingers of lovely ladies.

No need for concern, Batman.

I've got detectives planted in this crowd.

Wow, look at that beautiful model.

[Batman] Cool it, chum. She's out of your league.

An opening day gift from an anonymous friend.

A pie. How nice.

Wait. Before you cut, light the candles.

Splendid idea.

Holy flashbulbs. My eyes.

Simon says get the diamonds.

It's a robbery! Detectives, grab the crooks!

They can't, chief. Everyone is blinded.

[laughing]

Easy as pie.

Pastry chefs, eh?

I'll be there shortly, Batman, with reinforcements.

You're busy, Dad. I'll see you later.

[narrator] Quickly, Barbara leaves the commissioner,

and assuming her identity as Batgirl,

speeds to where the action is.

[Batgirl] A pie truck. Maybe they're the crooked pastry chefs.

[Simon] Simon says pie thrower is ready.

Aiming coordinates, left, two degrees,

trajectory, 47.

Aah!

[crash]

Ugh! Truck's gone. And I'm left with pie in the face.

- Batman, they took all the Wayne diamonds. - It figures.

Holy double-cross. And that beautiful model was one of them.

She'll make a model prisoner when we catch up with them.

To the Batmobile, Robin.

[woman] Simon, the Batmobile is coming fast.

Simon says don't panic.

[Robin] The pie-thons are scattering.

[Batman] Come on, after them.

[man speaking indistinctly]

- They all got away, Batman. - [Batman] But the Wayne diamonds didn't.

- Look. - Holy solitaires.

I'm sure those pie-romaniacs will strike again, soon.

Let's go home.

[narrator] Later…

[Bruce] Thank you, Alfred.

- Yes, commissioner? - Yes, Batman,

the perfidious piemen have pulled off

three more robberies at the fairgrounds. They stole some priceless marble busts

- from the Greek pavilion. - Marble cake.

Then they cracked the safe of the Graham Trust Company exhibit.

- Graham crackers. - And they robbed the cashier

at the British Pavilion. Got away with £20,000.

Pound cake. We'll go to work on it immediately, commissioner.

Obviously, Dick, Simon the Pieman can't resist pastry-named prizes.

To the Batcave.

Now the Batcomputer will tell us

what other pastry-type treasures might tempt Simon at the fair.

Toll House cookies could mean the cash receipts at the entrance gate,

and a pastry called Napoleon,

probably the priceless portrait of Napoleon in the French Pavilion.

Groovy. Let's go stake ourselves out at those spots.

Okay. To the Batmobile.

No action here, so far.

Someone's coming upstairs.

We'll remove the canvas from the frame,

then stash it in the windmill on my farm.

Batman. Batman, do you read me?

They're taking it to the windmill on Mrs. Appel's farm.

The old lady looks like…

Like Mrs. Appel.

Alias, Simon the Pieman.

Robin? Robin.

Mrs. Appel, you're rotten to the core.

Take the Boy Wonder with us.

[narrator] Meanwhile, the intrepid Batgirl

has been canvassing every pastry plant in Gotham City

searching for the headquarters of the pernicious Pieman.

This could be the place.

[man] It is the place.

When the wind comes up, Boy Wonder, the grindstone will turn,

and you will be destroyed in the flour of your youth.

Ha, ha! A funny joke.

Simon says laugh.

[henchmen laughing]

[Simon] Charlotte's waiting in the control room.

Go up.

Hold it. I didn't say "Simon says."

Now Simon says go up.

Holy hamburger. Hope the weather stays calm.

Batman, where are you?

[narrator] The Caped Crusader is miles away,

caught in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam.

Ah, ha, ha! Look. Storm clouds approaching.

[groaning]

I think the stone turned on my radio.

Batman, help. The windmill.

Unh! Pinned under grindstone. Help.

Got to think of something. But what?

[narrator] While Robin is pinned down by a grindstone,

the Caped Crusader is pinned down in traffic.

How long can the Boy Wonder withstand the awful grind?

In a moment, you'll see the thrilling ending, not of Robin, we hope,

but of this exciting adventure.

Coming up next.

[narrator] On the farm of Mrs. Appel, alias Simon the Pieman,

the rising wind is turning the blades of the windmill.

Agh! Batman, hurry.

Where is Alfred? What's taking him so long?

I've got to—

Hurry, Alfred. Hurry.

Came as soon as I could, sir.

Batcopter's on hover.

Good work, Alfred. Take charge here.

See you.

Good luck, sir.

Simon, Batman is climbing into the mill.

Aha! Simon will rotate the blades

full speed now.

Hang on, chum.

Gee, thanks, Batman.

- They're all up there. - Let's go.

- Simon, they're coming up the ladder. - Simon says brace for takeoff.

[narrator] A windmill helicopter?

Is there no end to the ingenuity of the perfidious Pieman?

[Robin] There it is, Batman.

Stand by to fire Bat-hooks.

The Batcopter's gaining on us.

Open the flour sacks.

Come back, stupid!

- I didn't say "Simon says." - They're getting closer.

Simon says give them the flour treatment.

They've dumped flour.

Holy baking powder.

That pie-thon has a recipe for everything.

Strudel. Simon says you stand guard on the roof.

Cookie, follow me.

[Batgirl grunting]

Batgirl. Where did you find her?

She was snooping around, so we grabbed her.

Good. Good.

Let's put a little icing on this cupcake.

Simon says put her in the chocolate tank.

Simon says fill her up.

[Batgirl] Chocolate syrup.

A delicious way to die, but, personally, I'll take vanilla.

Mm. A tiny air valve at the top.

How are we gonna find them now?

Keep your eyes peeled for some sign of that crazy copter.

I doubt if they can hide that.

[Batgirl] Luminous powder.

Air compression in here should force it out through the valve, I hope.

It worked.

Look, Batman. What's that?

[Batman] Beats me. Let's check it out.

Simon, Batgirl released a signal, and I hear the Batcopter approaching.

Simon says come inside quick.

Simon says take cover.

We'll soon find out if Batman is a good mixer. Ha, ha!

And as for Robin, Simon will butter him up a little.

Wait 30 seconds, Robin,

then follow me in.

Hmm. Looks as if this dessert factory is deserted.

If Simon turns on this beater, I'll be sliced to ribbons.

[grunts]

No good. Greased with butter.

Go back, Robin. It's a trap.

Holy treachery.

Now Simon has both crusaders.

It was a piece of cake.

[laughing]

You can't win, pie face. We're gonna make it hot for you.

Wrong again, Boy Blunder,

Simon is gonna make it hot for you.

This electric heater will melt the butter in the vat,

and soon we'll have hot, buttered Robin.

You pastry-faced fiend!

And when Simon gets through with you, Batman,

you'll be a mixed-up guy.

Ha, ha!

Got to keep moving.

Imagine, Batman finally beaten,

literally as well as figuratively,

by Simon's beater.

And Robin sinking into the butter, and Batgirl in the chocolate tank.

You are a genius, Simon.

Of course.

Now, Simon says we celebrate by dancing the cakewalk.

This is what I call a sticky situation.

Anyone for chocolate covered Batgirl?

My only chance.

Perfect.

Now, up, over and out.

Batman. But how—?

Later, chum. My Bat-skeleton key should open these.

They've got Batgirl in the chocolate tank.

This will empty the tank.

And I know just where to pour it on.

Ahh! Victory is sweet.

Ugh! Too sweet.

[Simon] Attack! Attack!

All right, Simon says attack!

Keep going, Robin. Tank's emptying fast.

I wonder why this is going down so fast.

Robin.

We're having a mixer out here, Batgirl. Care to join us?

Batman, baker boy at three o'clock.

That's it for the chocolate.

Plenty of ammunition here, Batman.

[Batman] Have some milk, on me.

Floor's too slippery, Simon.

Simon says stand on the chairs.

Thanks, Batman.

Hmm. Simon's rolling pin.

[all shouting indistinctly]

[Batman] Well, you might say I pinned them down.

That cookie jar is full of goodies, chief.

Or should I say baddies?

I suggest you take them out of the jar and put them in the jug.

Right you are, Batman.

But first, I'm gonna send for the pie wagon.

[all laughing]

[narrator] The annual dinner of the Gotham Antique Society,

where the tables are set with priceless antique silverware.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.

An unusual entertainment has been promised us

by Señor Chapeau Fedora and his troupe.

Thank you, my friends.

We begin our performance with my trained white rabbits.

Ha-ha-ha! See how well-trained they are?

They steal for me,

but only the best.

We've been duped. Stop them!

Hold them off, my faithful knaves! Ha-ha-ha!

[narrator] As word of the raid reaches Police Headquarters,

the famed Bat-signal lights up the sky

summoning the Caped Crusaders.

Holy rolling derby. Look at that truck.

That, Robin, means, our old friend, The Mad Hatter, is in town again.

Ha, ha! Batman and Robin, eh?

Ha-ha-ha! Watch me bring the Batmobile to a screaming stop.

Holy living roadblock.

Hang it. The Mad Hatter knows we won't plow through that sea of bunnies.

Now we are safe from pursuit.

And soon we'll celebrate with our priceless loot.

[narrator] Temporarily stymied,

the Dynamic Duo returns to the Batcave

and resume their everyday identities in the library of stately Wayne Manor.

[Bruce] Obviously, the Mad Hatter's added a new wrinkle to his MO.

- Like what, Bruce? - You saw it.

That wild hatter, plus black-hearted knaves, white rabbits.

- What do those things remind you of? - [Dick] Alice in Wonderland.

[Bruce] Check. Wouldn't surprise me if he stages a mad tea party scene.

Why can't we start our celebration now, Mad Hatter?

Because, my dear Mock Turtle,

we have more to plunder before we take swift leave of Gotham City.

Okay. So what's our next caper?

We purloin a rare teapot.

One worth as much as all the tea in China.

[narrator] Soon, in the Gotham Art Gallery,

where an enormously valuable Chinese teapot is on display…

And this lovely teapot dating back to the fifth century

is worth over $100,000.

[Mad Hatter laughing]

What in the world?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

[man] Tear gas!

My eyes! Can't see!

Move quickly. Knaves.

Careful, this is worth a king's ransom.

Yes, commissioner? Gotham Art Gallery, we're on our way.

What's up, Batman?

Another Mad Hatter caper.

Stop right there, Mad Hatter, we've got you cold.

Ha, ha! You're talking through your hat, Batman.

[Robin] Holy plastic cocoon!

Ta-ta, Batman.

By the time you extricate yourselves, we'll be far away.

[Batman] Bat-torches, Robin.

[Robin] That villain's got a big jump on us.

[Batman] We can still pick up his trail. Buckle in.

Go on, boys, you know what to do.

- Yes, indeed. - Indeed, yes.

Look out!

- Another one. - [Robin] They're made up

to look like Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

[Batman] We'll snag them with Batarangs.

- They're going to lead us to the Mad Hatter. - Check.

[Tweedledee & Tweedledum] Yow!

- [Tweedledee] What are you doing? - [Tweedledum] What are you doing?

[Batman] Since you won't reveal your hideout,

we'll take dirt samples from your shoes

before we turn you over to the police.

[narrator] Now, in the Batcave crime lab,

the Dynamic Duo analyzes the telltale soil specimen.

- [Robin] Phosphate content, average. - Nitrate, high.

Iron, six-millionths percent.

Hmm. Sulfur, eight-millionths.

The geological chart shows only one locale with that soil content.

[Robin] That must be the place.

To the Batplane. Let's go.

Look, Batman.

Tire tracks leading into a cave.

[Batman] That must be it. Set plane on automatic hover, Robin.

We'll slide down for a look-see.

[Robin] Yow!

- [Batman] A revolving floor. - [Robin] And the walls…

studded with sword blades!

[Mad Hatter laughing]

Welcome.

Welcome, Caped Crime Fighters,

ha-ha-ha, to our mad, mad tea party.

[Batman] Speed's building, threatening to throw us into those swords.

What do we do?

How long do you think you can hold out against the increasing centrifugal force?

Ha-ha-ha!

Hang on, Robin, and pray this Bat-hook catches.

What's he trying to do?

[Batman] Entertainment's over, Mad Hatter.

Flee! Every man for himself.

[Batman] Up and at them, chum!

That takes care of the rear guard.

Now for the main troops.

[crash]

We asked Commissioner Gordon to secure a going-away gift for you.

Yes. I agreed.

It makes the perfect present.

Here you go, buddy boy, a jailbird hat.

[babbling]

[Batman & Robin laughing]

[theme music playing]