Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

[announcer] The Adventures of Batman with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo against crime and corruption,

whose real identities as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne

and his young ward, Dick Grayson,

are known only to Alfred, the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave deep beneath Wayne Manor,

they roar out to protect life, limb and property

as Batman and Robin, caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin, scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin, pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains, here come Batman and Robin.

[tires squealing]

[narrator] A series of bizarre happenings occur in the world of sport.

At a track meet:

[thuds]

At the Gotham Country Club Golf Tournament:

In the stands, millionaire Bruce Wayne and his ward, Dick Grayson

look at one another deeply concerned.

Dick, this appears to be the work of The Penguin.

But why sports events?

That's what we must find out. Come on.

All these items are made by the Emperor Sporting Goods Company.

Emperor? Well, that figures.

It does? How?

What kind of bird has an Emperor species?

Why, the penguin.

- Exactly. - But what's he up to?

Let's run it through the Batcomputer and see what we get.

[narrator] At this moment, in The Penguin's nest,

the feloniously fiendish Penguin addresses his minions.

[laughing]

We've got the Dynamic Duo hooked now,

and unless I miss my guess, they will soon pay me a visit.

Here, Penguin?

No. [laughs]

At the factory. Let's go prepare to receive them— [laughs]

—properly.

[dings]

Here we go. "A diamond-encrusted all-around athlete's belt,

worth a million dollars will be presented to the new champion tomorrow."

A million.

- That must be what The Penguin's after. - Undoubtedly.

To the Batmobile.

[narrator] A short while later, at the Emperor Sporting Goods Company:

Now, my sporting birds— [laughs]

—stand ready for the big game. [laughs]

- [henchman 1] Sure. - [henchman 2] Yeah.

Sorry, Penguin, the game's been called.

Ow!

Fly at them, birdbrains.

Duck, Robin.

[Robin] He's getting away.

- Head him off with your Batarang. - Roger.

No! Go away!

Come along, Penguin. You can complain to the police commissioner.

And so, knowing The Penguin was plotting to filch the diamond championship belt.

But that's impossible, Batman.

That was just stolen from the safe not 15 minutes ago.

[laughing]

But the clues. They all point to The Penguin.

[laughs] Well, Caped Crusaders, you finally flipped your lids.

Now I'm going to sue you for assault and battery and false arrest.

"Penguin vows to put Batman and Robin behind bars."

Is he kidding? He had to be behind that heist.

Maybe. But the law says we must prove it. Say, what's this?

"Attention, Batman.

Have you heard it's raining cats and dogs?"

What's the gag, Bruce?

Just that, Dick. An old joke.

"It's raining cats and dogs. How do you know?

I just stepped into a poodle."

Holy cornball. Do you think that that's a message from?

The Joker. Who else?

[henchman] Think Batman got the point, Joker?

Well, if he didn't yet, he will. [laughs]

[narrator] Within the next few hours,

the same joke was brought to the attention of Batman in a variety of ways.

"I just stepped into a poodle."

Same tired old joke.

And the message, Batman, was:

"Have you heard the one about 'It's raining cats and dogs'?"

Thank you, commissioner.

[man on radio] And this is your old dog-faced joke-hound, Barry Beagle,

signing off with a Batman quote, "'Have you heard the one?""

Poodle. Poodles are performing dogs, right?

Right. Performing dogs.

The Joker's planning a circus caper.

Negative, Robin. No circus in town.

Look, what performer's name is like a type of dog?

Barry Beagle, the cornball comic.

Yes. And hasn't he got a Peruvian pearl collection

- worth a fortune? - [Robin] Check.

He must be the Joker's pigeon.

Let's grab the Joker before he makes off with the pearls.

The Joker's last known hideout according to the Batcomputer. Let's go.

[heroic music playing]

So the Dynamic Duo has finally arrived to call on the Joker.

Do drop in, gentlemen.

[laughing]

Get him, my merry men. [laughs]

Crime is no laughing matter, Joker.

[grunting]

Who's laughing now, eh, Joker?

You'll regret this, Dynamic Duo.

Let's go, Joker. Maybe you can make Commissioner Gordon laugh.

We're charging the Joker with plotting to steal

Barry Beagle's Peruvian pearl collection.

[phone rings]

Excuse me, Batman. Hello? Yes. What?

You're sure? Yes, of course.

We'll get on it right away. That was comedian, Barry Beagle.

He has just been robbed of his Peruvian pearl collection.

- Just now? - Holy perfect alibi.

[laughs] Cowled Crusader, you are in big trouble.

He's right, Batman. I'm sorry.

[laughs]

The Penguin and the Joker turn the Dynamic Duo— [laughs]

—into a Dopey Duet. [laughs]

Gee whiz, Batman, how did we goof?

Forget it. I know now what's been going on.

Batman, you have arrested two men for crimes they couldn't have committed.

Oh, but I think they could and did, commissioner.

And I'm going to prove it.

Come on, Robin.

[narrator] What does Batman have in mind?

Can he prove that The Penguin and the Joker did commit those crimes?

We'll know in just a few minutes, so stayed tuned.

[narrator] Now in the Batcave beneath stately Wayne Manor,

Batman reveals to Robin how they were tricked by their archenemies.

You see, Robin, the whole thing is based on each criminals' modus operandi,

or method of operation.

Now, Penguin always used umbrellas, right?

Right. And the Joker always uses old jokes.

Right. Now, suppose they switched styles, Robin.

Then we'd be chasing the wrong man each time.

Correct, again, chum. So they could each be guilty

but of the other villain's crime, right?

Holy switcheroo. How do we prove it?

I've got a plan. To the Batmobile.

[laughing]

Here, old bird buddy.

Here is the diamond belt I stole for you.

And here is Buddy Beagle's priceless Peruvian pearl collection

I stole for you. [laughs]

[laughing]

Beautiful.

Joker, my friend, tune in the TV newscast.

I'd love to hear how we baffled the Dynamic Duo.

[laughs] You mean the Dopey Duet.

According to a report just handed me

the diamonds and the stolen championship belt

are completely worthless. Imitations.

So whoever stole it got absolutely nothing for his trouble.

Can that be true?

[laughing]

I guess it is. [laughs]

By this time, those two villains must be at each other's throat.

Yes. I hope we get to them before they do each other in.

Let's go.

You stole the phony diamonds, you smirking simpleton.

I want the pearls back.

That wasn't our bargain, birdbrain.

You wanted the belt. [laughs]

I'll belt you, you white-faced weasel.

They're both there. We'd better hurry before it's too late.

- Check. - Have a squirt, squirt.

A squirt of tear gas. [laughs]

Laugh, clown, laugh, but don't mind if I cut in.

You waddling dum-dum.

I substituted a rubber knife for the real one I know you keep in your umbrella. See?

[coughing]

Gas!

And I substituted your rubber knife for one with poison gas in its handle

you punchy Punchinello.

[thuds]

- [Robin] Look, The Penguin's getting away. - We'll get him later.

We'd better take the Joker to the hospital.

We were following you, Batman.

We'll take the crook to the hospital for you.

Good thinking, citizen. Thank you.

And now let's go for The Penguin.

Your clock has run out, Penguin. You're finished.

Time for just one more play, Batman, and the ball's in my court.

[narrator] Recovered from the effects of the electric shock,

Batman and Robin are each shackled to a home plate in a batter's practice cage,

while the perfidious Penguin loads balls into an automatic pitcher.

[laughing]

I only stunned you to save you for this exquisite moment, Dynamic Duo.

That batting cage behind you is really electrical wiring.

Buried directly under each home plate beneath you,

is a ton of TNT wired directly to the batting cage.

If you miss one ball thrown by these automatic pitchers,

it will make contact with the cage, and bloo-ee!

[laughing]

Your final strike out.

Holy base hit, what a scurvy stunt.

I always thought you were a foul ball, Penguin.

[Penguin] A bat for Batman— [laughs]

—and one for the Boy Wonder.

Happy hitting.

Batters up.

Sooner or later, one of you will miss.

And in this game, one strike and you're out.

Farewell. [laughs]

Don't try for power. Just meet the ball.

Can't keep up much longer.

Holy fastball.

Robin, drive one into machine now.

Good hit. Now let's get out of these shackles and go after Penguin.

[phone rings]

- For you, Batman. - Thank you, commissioner.

[laughing]

Thank you, Batman, for delivering me to my own getaway ambulance.

Your ambulance, Joker?

Sure. [laughs]

And have the fat little fellow check that bag of pearls too. [laughs]

Fakes! Phonies!

That rotten no-good crook tricked me.

The new superhighway construction site, right, Batman?

You saw the red clay on the ambulance tires too, Robin?

All mine! [laughs]

What's that?

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Go on. Make us laugh, Joker.

[Joker laughing]

Which one shall I pick?

Stand back. I'm going to release the shovel flap with a Bat-Grenade.

[grunting]

[Robin laughs] Joker, you're a scream.

Congratulations, Dynamic Duo, you did it again.

Thanks, commissioner. Did you fix Joker and Penguin as I suggested?

Exactly, Batman. Come, I'll show you.

It's all The Penguin's fault.

I never wanna see that bird-brained buzzard again.

That double-crossing, pitiful, road-company Pagliacci. He did this to me.

Unfunny, witless, slapstick, bungling.

[all laughing]

This has got to be the funniest comedy act I've ever seen.

[narrator] Returning from a charity ball, Batman and Robin, in true identities,

drive through Gotham Park, when suddenly:

[tree branches cracking]

Watch out, Bruce.

[tires squeal]

[mischievous music playing]

Well, if it ain't millionaire Bruce Wayne.

And his ward, Dick Grayson.

What do you men want?

Can't you guess, moneybags?

[Penguin chuckling]

You will not succeed this time, my fine-feathered finks. [laughs]

The Penguin.

- Take that, - Unh!

- and that, - [thugs grunting and yelling]

and that.

[chuckles]

- [Dick] They're finished. - [Bruce] Thanks to the Penguin.

But I don't get it.

Since when did you start catching crooks?

Mr. Wayne, I am a reformed man making amends for past misdeeds.

And what better way to do it than by aiding the doves of law

against the hawks of crime. [chuckles]

That oily bird must be up to something.

Yes. But what?

To the nearest jail, if you please, Mr. Wayne.

[narrator] A short while later, in their crime-fighting costumes,

the Dynamic Duo speeds to Central Police Headquarters,

where they hear a startling report from Commissioner Gordon.

It's true, Batman.

- The Penguin has gone straight. - Incredible.

Why, this past week alone, he's aided my men three times.

Can you believe, the Penguin on our side?

Let's wait and see, Robin.

I still don't trust that mischievous magpie.

[narrator] But in the days that follow…

Halt, you thieving vultures.

Don't shoot, Penguin. We surrender.

A little oil should slow your flight.

[thieves yell]

He's all yours, masked man hunters.

Thanks again, Penguin.

Well? What do you think now, Batman?

Somehow, I'm still not convinced.

But if the Penguin's pulling a hoax, what's he really up to?

[narrator] The answer lies in the Penguin's secret nest outside Gotham City.

I don't get it, Penguin.

All those captured cons are working for you?

Precisely. And each is carrying a tiny chicken feather like this one.

Once inside Gotham Pen,

they will spring some of the world's greatest criminals,

who will then join forces with me.

[chuckles]

Boy, Penguin, you are a genius.

[narrator] Meanwhile, in the secret Batcave beneath stately Wayne Manor:

I sure hope the Batcomputer can tell us something, Batman.

Fed statistics on all Penguin's captives,

it should give us some clue to his real motive.

[narrator] Now, behind the grim walls of Gotham Penitentiary,

an inmate flashes a silent signal.

Time to move.

- The Penguin's feather. - Yeah.

He said to snap off the point and jam it in the lock.

You were right. Those thugs all have one thing in common.

Right. They're all jailbreak specialists.

So that's the Penguin's game.

Let's go, Robin, to Gotham Penitentiary.

[alarm wailing]

Move fast before the guards recover.

Hold it. Look up ahead. The Batmobile.

[Batman] Work fast, Robin.

[inmates grunting and yelling]

- [inmate] Help! - Here come the guards.

Batman, look, one of them's getting away.

Good. He's the one who's going to lead us to the Penguin's hideout.

You cuckoo bird. How stupid do you think Batman is?

But I made sure he wasn't following me.

[Penguin] Sparrow head.

Who do you think planted this radar transmitter on you?

[transmitter beeping]

The radar's picking up the impulses from the transmitter, Batman.

[Batman] Excellent. That means we're zeroing in.

Everybody out.

I'll still have the last cackle on Batman.

[chuckles]

[beeping]

[Robin] We're almost there.

- Reduce altitude and hover. - Roger.

[suspenseful music playing]

Odd. The place is empty.

[Penguin chuckles]

You stepped right into my trap, Batman.

[Robin] Holy tight spot.

The Penguin's nest, it's closing.

The strands, solid steel, can't budge them.

[Penguin chuckles]

A deal, Batman. Agree never to pursue me again,

and I free you.

Otherwise, I leave you to be crushed to death.

Robin, come down. Blast strands with afterburners. Hurry.

Move back. Here I come.

[Penguin] What's the Boy Wonder up to?

The cross strands, they're melting.

Batman's free. We must get out of here.

[theme music playing]

Why are they passing over us?

Got to aim this Batarang just right.

[Penguin] Ah! A steel cable?

Ah! Let go.

Release me. This instant.

We'll have to find the Penguin a new nest to feather.

Yeah, one with bars on it.

You'll pay for this, Batman.

Unhand me at once.

That's an order.

[theme music playing]

[tires squealing]