Original subtitles

‐ So, Amanda Seyfried's pregnant,

and Meryl Streep's character is dead?

‐ Correct, and Cher plays Meryl Streep's mother.

‐ Cher is, like, four years older than Meryl Streep. Hollywood is dumb.

But, I'm so excited for our Greece trip.

‐ Our official guide.

‐ Oh. Now, I know what you do all day.

"You're just a few days away

from the best flight deals to Greece"? ‐ Oh.

Yeah, I set up an alert on our phones that will tell us the best time to buy tickets.

‐ Is it possible to win a Nobel Peace Prize for organizing my life?

‐ I do it for the love, not for the accolades.

‐ You do it because you're insane,

but I'm absolutely not complaining.

‐ This is gonna be the best 30th birthday celebration

in the history of friendship. Ouzo?

‐ That's a no‐zo for me.

‐ We are doing this.

‐ And to honor that, it is time

for Mamma Mia 2... ‐ Knock, knock! Hi!

‐ Here we go again. ‐ Sorry for the last‐minute pop‐in,

but fresh nigiri waits for no one.

You should really lock your door though.

It's, like, too easy to get into this building, Mads.

‐ She's right, Mads. Very unsafe.

Really opening yourself to all sorts of intruders.

‐ So, my father hired this amazing sushi chef

for these label people who came over for dinner.

Every dish is insane.

There's actual gold shavings on this yellowtail.

‐ Um, are you supposed to eat gold?

Especially on fish. I feel like that's immediate mercury poisoning.

‐ Okay, I have to try it, but I am so full.

We ordered massive amounts of Greek food to get in the mood for our trip.

‐ Oh. Yeah, that's right. You told me. I totally forgot.

Wait, I'm totally barging in on your night.

I should go. ‐ Okay!

I mean... no. Stay. Please.

‐ Are you sure?

Okay.

Oh.

Ooh! Ouzo!

‐ I'm just so shocked.

‐ It happened.

He called me ma'am.

I mean, sure,

I was wearing sweatpants and, sure, I had a Cheerio in my hair

and was buying paper towels.

But I mean, still, that's no excuse.

To call me ma'am in broad daylight? And no one stopped him.

‐ That word should be stricken from the language altogether.

‐ I genuinely think I'd rather be called a slut.

‐ Maybe he was Southern!

You're legally required to say that in the South,

which is why I don't go there. No.

He had a Valley accent.

I was ma'amed by a kid from Reseda.

Whatever, I'm over it now. It just trauma I'll carry with me from now on.

‐ Izzy, are you, ahem, doing okay?

You know, after... everything.

‐ Like a horrific breakup that you somehow haven't mentioned more than once?

‐ What? You guys, I'm completely fine.

‐ Okay, well, we're here for you if you need to vent,

cry... ‐ Punch a cashier from Reseda.

Sorry, moving on for real now.

‐ I told you.

I am the one who broke up with Liam, remember?

Okay? I am JLo,

and he is every guy

who's ever dated JLo.

I'm completely fine!

‐ Hey, ladies! ‐ Ruby.

Again, no Madison.

What'd you do with our girl? ‐ I kidnapped her,

and sent her to my lymphatic drainage masseuse.

Have me arrested for making people's lives amazing.

‐ Can you do that? ‐ Speaking of,

I already gave Madison hers,

but I'm here to drop off a very special surprise for you guys.

‐ Oh my god, can someone film me? I wanna do an unboxing video.

‐ Open them.

IZZY: Oh my god!

‐ Pink Summer Music and Arts Festival?

‐ Shut up. These are VIP?

‐ In a shock to absolutely no one, I don't know what Pink Summer is.

‐ It's an all‐female music festival in LA. I used to go every year.

Back in my Miss days.

‐ Tickets sold out in, like, under an hour.

I can't believe we get to go! Ruby,

thank you so much! ‐ Aw.

‐ Seriously, these are sick.

‐ Um, second completely unshocking question from me...

the pill? ‐ Oh, it's molly.

IZZY: Oh my god! VapoRub, body glitter,

Pop Rocks, glow sticks.

This is, like, a rave girl survival kit.

‐ I haven't rolled in a minute.

This is exactly what I needed to feel young, fun, and un‐ma'am‐like.

‐ Jules, you're in, right?

‐ Um, ahem, I think I'm gonna have to pass.

Sorry, Ruby, it's just not my thing.

I can barely finish a Benadryl.

‐ Aw, Madison's gonna be so disappointed.

She was really excited for you to come with us. Keep it.

‐ Mm, she'll live somehow.

‐ I insist. ‐ Mm, I don't want it.

It's just me, you,

and a marathon on HGTV.

You're the one who's missing out!

What the...

Wow! You look like a Bratz Doll

won a beauty pageant at Burning Man.

‐ Thank you!

‐ What is that?

‐ It's a party bus full of your best friends.

‐ A party bus? ‐ Ruby got one for us.

‐ Well, I'm glad the gifts aren't getting excessive.

Are there diamond‐encrusted California rolls available on the bus,

or do you have wait till you get inside for that?

‐ Okay, what is going on? ‐ Nothing,

I'm just not into getting into a party bus

to go to a music festival at 11 AM.

‐ This is about Ruby, isn't it?

‐ No! No.

‐ Just say it.

‐ Yeah! It's about Ruby.

She's been zero to 100.

The gifts, the showing up all the time.

She makes all my Spidey senses tingle.

‐ Look, I know she comes on a little strong,

but that's just her way of trying to make friends. And she likes you.

Look, I really want us to experience this together.

‐ This is her thing.

We have Greece.

I'm good, really.

‐ Okay. Love you.

‐ Love you.

Look, I agree with you.

It was extremely sweet of Madison to come here to try to convince me.

Is it working? The more time goes by,

am I starting to regret not going? You tell me.

CAT LADY : Hey!

Listen up!

This is your brain.

And this is your brain on drugs.

‐ Yeah. Bad. Heard that before.

‐ And these are your friends' brains on drugs...

having a great time without you.

‐ What now?

‐ Not doing drugs with your friends can cause FOMO.

‐ Your friends are with me now, Jules.

‐ The effects of FOMO are devastating.

‐ So, you can just stay home. On the couch!

The effects of FOMO will ruin your life. Come on!

Lighten up! Do the right thing!

Brought to you by the partnership of a FOMO‐free America.

‐ Fine, I'll go!

‐ Happy Pink Summer Festival. Uh, sorry to bother.

Do you know where the VIP entrance is?

‐ This is the VIP line. The general admission line ends in Long Beach.

‐ Stella, this is like looking at a lioness

who's been in captivity and is now back in the wild.

‐ Music festivals are my natural habitat.

‐ Jules?

‐ I'm here. Not a drill. I came.

‐ What, you did? Jules is here! IZZY/STELLA: Yay!

‐ But this line ends in another area code,

so, uh, it's gonna be a hot minute.

MADISON : She says she's stuck in line.

‐ Jules, how long are you gonna be?

‐ Uh, somewhere between an hour and two years.

‐ Perfect. Rozzi goes on at 4:00. It's, like, 2:00 now,

and the molly takes about an hour to hit.

So, when you get to the front of the line, take your pill, okay?

That'll give you the perfect amount of time to come and find us

and have our rolls sync up at the same time.

‐ So, you are to drug trips what Madison is to vacation itineraries?

‐ Jules, this is me. Who else in the world would you trust

to shepherd you through this experience?

‐ Fine. Okay, FOMO. I'll do it.

‐ Jules is gonna do drugs!

‐ Yes! ‐ Yes!

‐ Okay, I'll see you on the other side. Bye.

‐ Hoo! Mm.

Looks like it's time to take my daily birth control pill,

like a normal everyday woman.

‐ You can just do drugs. No one cares.

‐ Oh.

Hey there.

One VIP to the big show.

‐ Um, it's not working.

‐ Uh,

no, that's impossible. My friends have the same wristband,

and they're already inside.

‐ Uh‐huh... ‐ Let me call them.

I literally had full bars five seconds ago. Shit.

This is all Ruby's fault! She gave me a bum wristband!

You know what? This is exactly why I told Madison about my Spidey senses.

Now, I'm gonna be high on drugs

with no friends and no shepherd, completely by myself!

Everybody calm down!

‐ Did everyone take theirs?

‐ Done and done. I also think I'm done with cheese.

I don't think I can do cheese and molly.

‐ I'm so excited. I feel like a teen.

But like a hot troubled teen played by someone who's 24.

Like a teen from Euphoria. ‐ Mm.

RUBY: Mads!

Let's go to the artist tent. I wanna introduce you to this band I rep,

Cherry Mango. Very Tame Impala.

I'm touring with her and her band in Australia.

‐ Yeah, I'd love to meet her.

But we're just waiting for Jules. She came!

But, she's stuck in line. ‐ Oh my god, she did!

Amazing. So happy she's coming.

But, maybe we can pop by quickly?

They have to sound check soon at the other stage.

‐ Go. It's all good. She's probably still waiting.

‐ Okay, we'll meet like in 45 minutes? Right before Rozzi?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah!

‐ I feel like now that I'm single, I should probably hook up with someone.

It is a music festival.

‐ Yeah. I mean, there's like two guys here,

and I'm pretty sure they're together, but hey.

Your heart says rebound. Go get 'em.

‐ Did either of them check me out at all?

‐ Ah!

Still no bars?

What is this, the ocean floor?

I got this amp thing.

‐ Hi. Um,

what band are you with?

‐ What?

‐ Who's that little amp belong to? Wh‐what band?

‐ Uh, the Michelle...

Carlton Dolls?

‐ That sounds like you're just combining, um,

Michelle Branch, Vanessa Carlton, and the Pussycat Dolls.

‐ Honestly, sounds like a fun concept.

‐ I‐‐ You're just... You're just a terrible liar!

I gotta take you to festival jail.

‐ What? ‐ Hands. Festival rules.

JULES: I have to be somewhere.

‐ I mean, is there one band that you know of here?

Like, why do you even wanna be here?

‐ For... the... vibe.

‐ The vibe? ‐ Yeah, the vibes.

‐ What is this? I thought we were going to the EDM tent

with the DJ girl who throws pies.

‐ Shh! You need to hear this.

Just listen, okay? This song is amazing.

She's singing about her breakup.

GUARD: Alright, I'm putting you in here.

Go ahead. I'll let you out when the last band plays.

‐ Please, if you just let me go to the VIP tent

and find Madison Maxwell, she can clear all this up.

‐ St. Vincent.

Angel Olsen. Vagabon. Mitski.

There's literally a‐a cavalcade of female artists

you could've chosen, but no! Not one!

I'm not upset

that you tried to sneak in. I'm upset at how badly you tried.

It's embarrassing! It's herstory! You gotta do better!

Sarah McLachlan, I would've taken.

I would've accepted it. She's not even here!

She's not even here.

‐ I'm Zelda.

‐ Like the video game?

‐ My parents are millennials,

and nerds, so yes.

What are you in for?

‐ My VIP pass didn't work,

and my phone had no service,

so I tried to sneak in to meet up with my friends before I get...

Uh, how old are you?

‐ 17.

‐ That's probably old enough. Before I get very high.

What are you in for? ‐ One of my friends

snuck in a sunscreen bottle of Malibu rum,

and we were passing it around. It was gross.

‐ To be fair, it normally tastes like sunscreen, so... Go on.

‐ Then security came, and they ditched me,

like the worst friends of all time, so that I'd be the one to get busted.

‐ Are you sure they ditched you on purpose?

‐ They've all been jealous of me ever since I started dating Denver.

He's a freshman at UCLA.

God, I'm so getting new friends as soon as I get into college.

Honestly, I'm thinking of going to UCLA where Denver goes.

‐ Couple things. Don't do that.

Any of that.

As someone 100 years older than you, trust me.

Don't ditch your friends for a guy.

‐ Yeah, but Denver's different. He's, like, really cool.

‐ Yeah, he isn't. But even if he is,

it doesn't matter. Your friends do.

I made this mistake once, and I almost lost mine.

‐ But, they ditched me. How do I know I can trust them?

‐ Yeah, that's tough.

I almost didn't come today because I didn't trust my best friend's judgment.

‐ About what? ‐ About this girl

who makes it pretty hard to do that,

but that's how friends work. Even if it's hard,

you trust each other and you show up,

give each other the benefit of the doubt.

‐ I guess.

But even if I wanted to make up with them,

we're stuck in here, so...

JULES: Wait, where'd she go?

‐ I think this is our opening. We should make a run for it.

‐ Well yeah, except we're both zip‐tied.

Are you in the circus? ‐ Nah, I'm just 17.

‐ Bless your rubber baby bones. ‐ Shh!

JULES: I'm running out of time.

I've got 20 minutes before the drugs hit.

Okay, that's not happening.

‐ I see through what you're trying to do, and I told you guys

I am not in mourning. I do not need to cry.

‐ Okay, I'm just worried about you. It's not good to bottle up your feelings

about this breakup, unless you're really honestly okay.

‐ Stella! ‐ Marigold!

‐ It's Stella. You literally just called my name.

‐ Stella!

‐ Yeah, you are tripping.

‐ Well, hard to say.

We did a Kambo ceremony, then some ketamine pops.

‐ Oh. ‐ What are those words?

‐ Uh, Kambo is from an Amazonian tree frog,

and ketamine is from a drug dealer.

‐ You want a K‐pop?

‐ You know what? I'm on so much shit already, but thank you.

‐ You've really lived a life. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Wow, can't believe we got away.

I never get away! With anything ever!

‐ I think I'm just gonna get outta here. Denver's probably really worried about me.

‐ I thought we escaped to find your friends. My wisdom meant nothing to you?

‐ How are we supposed to find them? There's, like, a billion girls here.

That all look the same.

JULES: We need a better vantage point.

I have an idea.

So, just grab something,

and pretend you know what you're doing. ‐ That's your plan? Hijinks?

This is very retro '90s sitcom. ‐ Okay,

please don't use "retro" and "'90s" in the same sentence.

Okay, let's try this again.

‐ Hold up. Who are you two?

‐ Uh, we're with the band. With, uh‐‐ ‐ Bleached.

‐ Teenage girls really do like to dress like individuals

in the exact same way. ‐ Oh my god, I think I see them.

Madeline! Claire! Up here!

‐ There she is!

‐ Awesome, we found them. Alright, let's go.

‐ Hey there. ‐ Holy shit.

You're the Clavin Sisters. You're Bleached.

‐ You're Bleached. ‐ Yep.

‐ Uh, well, we should get out of your way.

‐ What are your names?

‐ Oh, I'm Jules, and this is Zelda. Cool.

Well, we have to go on now. You can stay here if you want.

‐ Oh my god, yeah! Yes.

‐ Oh! Okay.

‐ Hey, Los Angeles. We're Bleached,

and these are our new friends, Jules and Zelda.

‐ That was insane!

I cannot believe you just sang with freaking Bleached!

We are so, so, so sorry. We didn't mean to leave you

I thought you were right behind us, and then you were gone.

‐ Yeah, we were so worried.

‐ Okay. Reunited, and it feels so good. Warms my elderly heart.

I really do have to find my friends

before I burst into a cloud of glitter or whatever this drug does.

‐ Thank you.

‐ Don't make me cry. I already feel old.

‐ I wonder where Jules could be.

‐ We should go.

‐ No, it's okay. Stella and Izzy went ahead to get us a good spot.

‐ I made it! ‐ Oh my god!

‐ You made it!

‐ Thanks for doing this, Ruby. It was really cool of you.

‐ Aw, thanks, Jules.

‐ I'm so happy you got here.

‐ I gotta swing by the other stage, but I just wanted to say

I'm so excited to have you on board, Madison.

Australia's gonna be dope.

‐ No, it was so nice meeting you.

‐ Likewise. Mm‐hmm. ‐ Talk soon?

‐ Wait, what? What did she say? Australia?

‐ Well, it all just happened. I‐I was gonna talk to you.

Cherry is repped by Hillslope,

so Ruby is going on her Australian tour next month,

and they wanna travel with someone to cover publicity, so...

‐ Next month? What does that mean for Greece?

‐ Well, it means...

I guess I can't go.

‐ Wait, so you're just canceling our birthday trip? That was your idea.

‐ This is a work thing. You know I need to get my career back on track by 30.

‐ Yeah, I know you think you need that,

and you're still fixated on it apparently.

What happened to letting go and making space and new us?

‐ This is an insane opportunity that I'm afraid to miss out on.

I mean, this could lead to a position at Hillslope permanently.

‐ I can't believe this. Ruby planned this whole thing!

‐ Okay, don't blame Ruby because you're mad at me.

It's really fucked up, Jules.

You don't trust me.

‐ : No.

I don't trust her.

My wristband didn't work.

She is trying to come between us.

God, your eyes are so...

pretty right now!

‐ Your hair is so shiny.

You're jealous, and you don't have to be!

‐ I'm so mad right now,

but I just wanna hug you!

‐ I am also mad,

but I'm so smiley!

RUBY Mads, Jules...

Come on, we're gonna miss Rozzi!

BOTH: Rozzi...

‐ So, you feeling it yet?

‐ Hm... I think so.

I feel like I'm swimming,

but, like, in my lip gloss. ‐ Hm.

I know. Feels amazing.

‐ It does? ‐ Totally.

So good. ‐ Wait, wait.

I saw you leave this on the party bus.

I think on purpose,

and you've kinda been lying to everybody all day.

You lied to your druggie friends, too.

‐ Uh, yeah...

‐ What's going on? I thought you loved being a magical drug fairy.

‐ Oh, I do!

I do... I‐I did...

But, then I thought about being too hungover tomorrow.

You know, and I'm going to the beach with Liv and Bruno,

and I just don't wanna miss out on it, you know?

‐ Oh my god!

It's all so fucked up!

Liam... I'm so fucked up!

‐ D‐did you not take your pill either?

‐ I did take it. It's just my sadness

is stronger than the drugs.

Oh my god, I've been lying to you!

‐ Okay. It's okay. ‐ It's fucked up!

‐ Let it out, okay? ‐ I'm so stupid.

‐ No, no, no.

Do you wanna take another one?

‐ What's up, ladies!

Hey Pink, I'm Rozzi!

This one's for all the best friends out there.