Original subtitles

‐ What do you think? Donate or sell?

‐ Hm. Spin for me.

Sell. Hi!

‐ Oh! We're in here!

I get such a high selling consignment.

I love The RealReal.

Alright. Donate, sell, burn.

‐ Gotta love a Madison Maxwell mandatory friend activity.

‐ Did we wanna do this today? Who knows? Did we have a choice?

Absolutely not.

‐ Oh, come on! This is good for us!

I mean, we're almost 30. Would love to go

but one entire day without being reminded of that.

‐ Our styles should start reflecting whichever new direction

we want to go in in our lives.

That, and I just bought a bunch of new shit I need to make room for.

‐ Madison, you're replacing a peach blazer

with a peach blazer?

‐ This is cantaloupe.

‐ Hi.

You miss me already? I was in your car, like, four seconds ago.

Not that I don't already miss you because I do, obviously.

‐ Of course, I miss you, but I just realized

that you left your charger in my car.

Do you need it? ‐ Um, no. That's okay.

I can get it later.

Plus, I still have your hoodie, so maybe we can...

do a trade.

‐ You are in possession of every sweatshirt that I own!

You better not give that one away in your clothes purge.

Iz, is that you? ‐ Uh, yeah! Coming!

LIAM : I should let you go.

I've only worn this once.

‐ Were you attacked by a bear?

‐ I'm getting rid of some of my sexier "going out" clothes.

With Liv and Bruno these days, the only clubs in my life

are the Mickey Mouse variety. Hm,

and how does that make you feel?

‐ Like I hate that therapist voice.

‐ Alright, what about you, Jules?

‐ Okay...

‐ Damn.

Are you gonna have anything left?

‐ Celeste gave me a trunkful of designer stuff that's,

uh, probably worth more than my actual car.

‐ Wow, so you're just gonna get rid of all your clothes and replace it with hers?

‐ I mean, her stuff is much nicer than mine.

And with all her divorce drama going on,

I have to step in for her for a while,

but not in her shoes. Her feet are insanely small.

‐ Okay, speaking of shoes,

donate or sell? What do you guys think?

‐ Mm, I think you should put an Amber alert out on Madison

because it looks like you're kidnapping her.

Mm...

‐ I just‐‐ I definitely will not give away this hoodie.

Don't worry.

Besides, I'll need it, um, if we're still going to Big Bear

next weekend with your college friends.

You mentioned it, um, but I wasn't sure if you...

changed your mind or whatever.

Oh yeah. Shit. My friend Ryan's kind of an idiot,

and he booked the wrong AirBnB,

so now there might not be enough room for everybody to bring their plus ones.

‐ Got it. Uh, totally. Um,

yeah, I‐I just‐‐ I figured something was up.

LIAM : Nothing's up.

We just might have to rain check meeting everyone.

It's no big deal, right? ‐ No, of course.

Of course, no big deal. No Big Bear.

No big anything.

Okay, bye.

It's finally happening. Liam is breaking up with me.

‐ Oh shit. ‐ What's going on?

‐ So, a few weeks ago, he mentioned this Big Bear trip that him

and all his college friends take with their significant others every year.

And then, just now,

he got really weird about it, and he's claiming

there's "not enough space" for me to go with.

‐ Well, why wouldn't there be enough space?

‐ Because his friend "booked the wrong AirBnB," allegedly.

‐ Okay, you're doing a lot of air quotes on things that may not need air quotes.

What if that's just really what happened?

‐ It's not, okay? Just trust me. I can feel it.

I've just known that since we've been together, this was gonna happen, right?

'Cause, like, everyone can see that he's way out of my league,

and it was only a matter of time before he realized it, too,

and that he's ashamed of me, and that‐‐

‐ Izzy, please take a breath. You're starting to spiral.

Come on! We have to go now!

Holy shit! Oh my god.

Van! Van!

‐ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Why are you driving towards it? No, no, no!

‐ It's your anxiety spiral! We have to get closer,

so we can study it, figure out what this is really about.

You're spinning out of control!

‐ I feel like he doesn't love me!

‐ Izzy, you have to get a grip.

‐ It looks like we have an F‐4 level anxiety spiral

with insecurity winds clocking at 200 miles per hour!

‐ Sometimes when he texts me "lol," I can tell he's not really loling!

‐ Does there seem to be any truth to Izzy's fear

that Liam does not think she is good enough for him?

‐ There's no evidence here for that. It sounds like Liam's friend

really did just book the wrong AirBnB.

‐ See, Iz? Everything is fine.

‐ Oh my god, he texted me.

He wants me to sleep over.

But what if it's because he "wants to talk"?

We cannot do this again! ‐ Enough with the air quotes!

Okay, now that Izzy is calm,

mandatory friend time is over.

I have a work thing.

‐ Ooh, the lovely Lotus Dragon Bebe?

‐ I have other clients, Jules.

Okay, well maybe I don't,

but this could possibly be one.

Uh, it's this restaurant called Toscano Al Fresco.

They need help with their opening.

‐ Okay, I am saving this little number from the pile

for one last hoorah.

Bruno's with his dad this weekend, so it's on.

‐ Mazel tov on the upcoming sex.

‐ Yeah. Ooh, Izzy,

we should get going, too. We are Woöm ambassadors

at the LA Women's Wellness Summit.

‐ The what? ‐ The Wellness Summit

is basically the Super Bowl of our industry,

and this year, Jules is running the whole thing.

She's our quarterback. Go Jules!

‐ Should we get dinner after?

‐ Now that Wes and I are over, I texted Fender.

‐ Okay, I personally have always rooted for hot guitar guy from the beginning.

‐ Well, we were finally supposed to hang out, but his friend is in town,

so maybe not. I'll keep you posted.

‐ Okay, get. Come on. Bye!

Ooh! Fancy!

‐ Free makeup? ‐ Wow, stunning.

‐ Didn't know you could have an entire wellness company

built around turmeric, but I will say their branding is gorgeous.

‐ Turmeric is my sixth favorite spice,

after Posh, Scary, Sporty, Baby, and Ginger.

‐ Uh, someone is in our spot, and I don't like their vibe.

Alison... ‐ Good to see you again, ladies.

‐ Oh shit.

‐ So crazy running into you guys.

‐ Agreed. So crazy running into you

at the booth that was technically assigned to us.

‐ Wait, you guys know her?

‐ Yes. This is our former colleague Alison B,

who left to start her own extremely similar

to Woöm lifestyle brand. And this is...

‐ My brand director, Alison J.

My co‐founder Alison S. has an investor meeting for our series B funding, so...

‐ Okay, that's so many letters.

‐ Thank you! Hi.

‐ Um, seems like you had a little mix‐up

with the booth locations here.

Um, this is our space.

‐ Ooh...

‐ Would absolutely love to accommodate you there but, unfortunately,

this booth is the only one within reach of the outlet for our sign.

‐ Almost as if extension cords were invented

for this very reason.

Q: Okay, wait, sorry.

Your name is Alison, your brand name is Alison,

and her name is Alison, too?

‐ It's not. I've played this game before. Trust me.

‐ No, it's my middle name. I can show you my driver's license.

I don't go by my first name anymore.

‐ Why? Was it because you wanted to work for this cult company?

‐ No, because my first name is...

It's Karen.

Yeah. It's Karen Alison Johnson, so...

‐ Okay, well that's a fair pivot. No further questions.

‐ Look, Celeste asked me to represent her here today,

and this is the booth she wanted,

so we're gonna have to figure out a solution that works for everyone.

‐ Absolutely. I totally, totally agree.

‐ Are we right by the trash?

This area has... an odor.

‐ It's like... old fish.

‐ Uh, excuse me!

Hi! Uh, do you know where Toscano Al Fresco is?

‐ : Oh, Toscano Al Fresco? It's just right there.

‐ Uh, where?

‐ Uh, the table right there.

‐ The restaurant is just a table?

Outside? That's the whole thing?

‐ Yeah. For shoppers who are,

you know, craving

a Tuscan‐inspired outdoor dining experience.

‐ With authentic Tuscan‐inspired views of the Lululemon?

I mean, where's the kitchen?

‐ Oh, the closest kitchen space is on the other side of the Nordstrom.

‐ Wait, trying to process.

What genius thought a waiter carrying chicken parm

through a shoe department was gonna scream "elevated dining"?

‐ This genius.

‐ You own the restaurant.

‐ Um...

‐ Oh! You own the whole...

‐ I own three luxury shopping centers.

And please, don't forget to validate on your way out.

We really screw people on parking here.

‐ Wow, this, uh, really changes my press pitch.

‐ Well, if you need time to regroup

and you wanna have a coffee with me,

I know a pretty stupid outdoor table we could sit at.

‐ Oh...

God, Celeste is gonna kill me!

Or worse, be very disappointed.

‐ Okay, you need to go over there and demand

some Alison R‐E‐S‐P‐E‐C‐T.

‐ So, what should we do, Jules?

I mean, Celeste would probably want you to be the one to decide,

since you are the one that she specifically left in charge.

‐ I'm not going back over there to fight with Alison B.

We are gonna do what Celeste would do.

‐ Threaten to get lawyers involved?

‐ No. What she would do after that.

Be the best freaking booth here.

Because we can.

We're Woöm.

We can do this together! Put your hands in.

‐ Just, you know...

Be good!

‐ Sex playlist one, sex playlist three...

Sex playlist 17.

Boom.

JULES: Beauty is not about what's on you.

It's about what's within you.

And that's why Woöm is not about products.

As our founder Celeste Oslow says,

it's about finding the tools

to be your most authentic self.

‐ Jules, the oldest living mean girl is coming for you.

‐ Oh, I got this.

‐ Wow, Jules. Nice work. You really brought the girls to the yard.

Has Woöm started making cloning serum?

‐ Ahem, what are you talking about?

‐ I'm just saying... That outfit,

that pitch?

You're like a Celeste Mini‐Me. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ I would know. I used to be one.

‐ Celeste and I are very different people.

She's just mentoring me. Mm.

Take it from someone who left Woöm and found actual authenticity.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

I mean, look at her. She's totally authentic.

‐ Um, ahem, Iz, watch the booth. I need some air.

IZZY: Yeah. Sure.

‐ God. She treats you like an employee.

I‐I'm just so glad Alison

would never do that to me. ‐ I could never.

‐ I know you couldn't. ‐ Love you.

I love you more. ‐ She loves me.

‐ How are you really, Iz? Things better on the personal front, I hope.

I think a saw a fun new boyfriend post recently.

‐ Yeah...

For now. I‐I think he might be...

trying to break up with me.

‐ You need to stop getting treated like less than.

‐ Yeah. It does not sound like he values you at all.

Not unlike your current employers.

‐ Bye, Alison. I mean Izzy. Sorry.

Sorry. ‐ Sounds good on you though.

‐ Curious? ‐ Um, should I be?

‐ I think so.

It's a pop‐up installation

created by a meditation app and CAMLA.

‐ Kamala... Harris?

The vice president?

I guess she seems like she meditates.

‐ Yeah, she does, actually, but CAMLA as in

the Contemporary Art Museum of Los Angeles.

Yeah, I work at that CAMLA.

‐ I‐I've been there. Um, it's very contemporary,

and full of art. Yeah.

Oh, uh, the brochure is for after.

‐ Okay. And what is this exactly?

‐ It's, uh, it's different for everybody.

Try it.

‐ I feel like I just had a... religious experience!

Spiritual, virtual?

‐ I like to think of it as a drug trip, but without the drugs.

It‐it's all done with digital projection.

Here. I could break it down for you,

but you're on a high, and I don't wanna ruin it.

‐ Oh, no, no, no! Not at all! I‐I'm a tech nerd at heart.

I came up in web design.

Seriously, I feel like I create worlds in my head

all the time. It's actually kind of a problem.

But, this is, uh, real!

‐ Yeah.

I have a feeling that you should...

you should explore this.

This is my card. Listen, the museum

is always looking to expand our immersive design team.

‐ I feel like I need to go in again. ‐ Oh, yes. You should.

‐ Okay!

‐ You've been planning our sex night all day long.

I'm getting more scared than excited.

‐ Okay, we have watched Moana for the past three weekends in a row.

We need this.

So, I made us a little sex to‐do list.

I guess you could say Wharton made me a little more Type‐A.

‐ You spend too much time with Madison.

‐ And that.

‐ Hm... Okay.

Mm...

Number seven's for me?

‐ Number seven's for you.

‐ Okay! I'm in on the list. Good work.

Ooh...

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Okay, number four. I see you.

Trying to tenderize me?

Ooh!

This feels expensive. I like that.

‐ Whoa! What's that? ‐ Wha‐‐ Oh, whoa!

‐ Oh! ‐ Bruno, wh‐where's Daddy?

‐ He said he had to go to work right now,

and he was really mad.

‐ Not as mad as Mommy's gonna be if he doesn't come back soon, right?

‐ I wanna watch Moana!

‐ I can't keep Celeste's clothes.

They're going to The RealReal and getting sold,

and we can use the money to...

cure world hunger or buy a superyacht or something.

‐ Oh! I vote for superyacht.

Wait, where's Fender?

‐ He's with his friend!

I'm sorry for the dramatic entrance, but today was just awful.

And also amazing. I ran into Alison B...

‐ Wow. ‐ ...who basically told me

I'm a sad Celeste knockoff.

‐ Wow! ‐ But, it was actually kind of

the wakeup call I needed.

And then, I met this ridiculously chic art woman

who showed me my maybe dream job

that I didn't really know until existed today!

I'm so amped! ‐ Wow, you are amped!

‐ I'm amped. ‐ Well, I'm amped, too.

I met a handsome billionaire. ‐ What?

‐ Yeah, I couldn't get a word in! Look!

‐ Madison... ‐ Wait, you don't think he's hot?

‐ Wow. He looks like Colin's twin brother.

‐ What? No, he doesn't!

Does he? Cousin, maybe.

‐ What you said this morning about making space for what comes next?

You can't just replace peach blazers with peach blazers,

and you can't replace millionaire Colin

with billionaire Colin 2.0

any more than I can walk around in Celeste's hand‐me‐downs

instead of figuring out what I really want.

‐ Did you, like, actualize today?

‐ Actually, I might have!

Get dressed. No blazer.

‐ Wait, what's happening?

‐ I'm texting Fender.

Is your friend in town single?

If yes, send pic.

‐ Oh, you can't be serious.

‐ No more Colin and Celeste.

Old us is going in a trash bag,

and we are making space for something new.

We're going on a double date!

‐ What happened in that room?

‐ Hello! Hi! We're here. We're doing it.

‐ Oh, it's all happening?

‐ Uh, Madison, you remember Fender.

‐ Fender, present. Jules, accounted for.

And Madison, this is Max. Max, Madison.

Madison, Max.

Well, now that that's all cleared up, shall we head home?

‐ Eh, I don't know. I‐I think we should do it. I think it'll be fun.

‐ Let's do it. We'll, uh, get us a table.

Come on.

‐ So... ‐ Alright, fine. He's very hot.

So hot that I'm gonna forgive the fact that he's an unmarried non‐billionaire.

‐ So, we're doing this?

‐ We're double dating.

‐ Oh, um, I am a little worried about Izzy.

I texted her, but she didn't text me back.

‐ She'll be okay. She already spiraled today.

The double spiral is very rare.

‐ Liam? I know why you're wanting me to sleep over tonight!

Babe? ‐ Liam?

‐ I'll be out in a minute!

‐ Yeah, out to break up with me.

Are you talking? I'm mid‐Saaqq hair mask,

and it's getting in my eyes. Hang on.

‐ Like I haven't already been hanging on.

I'm hanging on by a thread in this relationship!

I can't hear you with the water on.

‐ I'm sick of being treated like I'm less than.

Iz, come on, I gotta get this shit off me.

What's this all about?

‐ I know that you lied about Big Bear

because you don't want me to come.

LIAM: Uh, do you see my laptop?

‐ What?

I booked us our own cabin right down the street,

so that we could have more room, but still be right by everybody.

‐ Oh...

Um, okay. You can...

finish rinsing out your hair mask. Thanks...

‐ So, we're in Istanbul for a show, and Max is super fucking high.

‐ I wasn't that high.

‐ I feel like you were probably that high.

Okay, we're in an Uber for about 20 minutes.

We slow down into a turn.

This guy jumps out of the moving vehicle...

‐ What!? Why would you jump out of a moving car?

‐ This is what I'm telling you guys.

I'm an international man of mystery. I'm...

James Bond. ‐ Ooh...

LIAM: He was so high,

he forgot why we were in the Uber, panicked,

and thought we had been kidnapped.

Uh, well, we could have another round here,

or we could go back to my place and have a drink.

‐ In a fascinating display, Jules and Madison

have been put on the spot by their male suitors.

They have no opportunity to sidebar,

but because of their inherent fluency with each other's feelings,

these two friends can communicate wordlessly.

For today's linguistics lesson, I will be presenting

a step‐by‐step translation

to one of herstory's oldest

and most complex languages:

Best Friend Eye Contact American English.

Native speakers can communicate long,

complicated messages using subtle glances,

imperceptible to the male eye.

Madison thinks that Max is superhot.

Okay, well, she would absolutely love

to jump his bones at some point, but...

tonight is not the night.

Oh. And this steely gaze right here means

that what she is about to say is very important.

She finds Fender attractive

and would like to see where things can go.

But, there it is.

The 20‐degree head tilt.

Jules would actually prefer

a one‐on‐one bestie hang with just Madison

for the rest of the night.

This is stuck. It's...

No one's gonna...? It's fine, I'm just gonna‐‐

‐ So, what's the verdict?

‐ I think we're gonna... ‐ Call it a night.

I just have to run to the ladies room before we go.

‐ Maybe I'll come, too, in case we...

make out a little?

‐ Yeah. Yeah.

‐ Okay.

Wow, just a couple of wild and crazy kids, those two.

‐ I know. Completely out of control.

Um...

Just because I'm not coming over,

doesn't mean I didn't have a great time.

‐ You don't have to explain. ‐ I know,

but I just did have a time that was great.

And I would wanna come over at a time that's not now.

I just got out of a thing, and I...

I tend to move slow. ‐ Mm.

Slow‐moving cars are the easiest to jump out of.

‐ I'm not jumping out.

‐ Good.

‐ Please don't come out.

LIAM: Uh, what's going on?

‐ Um, I'm really humiliated,

and I‐I can't face you. ‐ Are you serious?

‐ Yes. ‐ It's...

very steamy in here.

Are you going to keep me hostage in my own bathroom?

‐ Do you even want to be with me?

‐ What kind of question is that?

Iz, I've never thought about breaking up with you,

and you ask me all the time.

Is that what you want?

Iz, please. Let me out so we can talk about this.

‐ I'm afraid if I have to face you, I'm not gonna be able to get the words out.

‐ Get what words out?

‐ When I'm with you, I feel...

sick. ‐ You're freaking me out here, Iz.

‐ Okay, you know how people describe being in love

as like having butterflies? Well,

I don't have butterflies. I have, like,

bats.

And I feel terrified of messing things up and panicked.

So panicked about what people are thinking,

and just, like,

completely unworthy of being with you.

And actually, I'm feeling like that about a lot of things lately.

‐ But, I don't feel‐‐ I mean, it's...

How do I fix that?

‐ I don't think it...

I don't think it's yours to fix.

‐ So, you do wanna break up then?

‐ Yeah.

I'm really sorry.

LIAM: Izzy!

‐ I'm so glad you made me come tonight.

‐ Well, I'm glad to confirm that cognac and Java Chip ice cream

may be a combination to rival sex with cool rock stars.

‐ The boys telling their stories about traveling and adventures got me thinking.

About Greece. ‐ Ah, yes, the elusive Greece.

‐ Look, I think we should stop talking about it and really plan it.

Look, I know we're both focused on work,

but if there's anyone worth making space in our schedules for...

‐ It's me and you.

‐ I turned in all our old stuff and bought us each a treat.

‐ Scones?

‐ No.

Dresses for Greece.

Ooh!

‐ This feels right.

‐ Yeah, it does.

I was gonna say "to the maxi," but I knew you'd get mad.

Ooh!

BOTH: Oh!

‐ Okay, can we stop spinning now?

‐ Thank you. I'm so excited.

‐ Dress fight!