Original subtitles

‐ Okay, I got us food,

but not a lot of food, so we won't be too full.

Later. When we... do the stuff.

‐ Uh, you're making what I'm about to say even harder.

Wes, I can feel it moving! ‐ Lucy, just stay still! I'm coming!

So, a hobo spider seems to have crawled into Lucy's cast and,

for the record, I am not calling the spider homeless

because he very much has a home. Mine.

I have to stay here and deal with this. Please try not to hate me.

‐ No, no, no. I'm no hate. I... I get it.

‐ You should be mad, and I‐I totally get it. I'm so sorry.

Can I make it up to you later this week? No, I'm not mad!

Yeah, I could make another night work.

I'm pretty much free any time.

Maybe... Tuesday?

Aw, Tuesday's

Lucy's physical therapy. Wednesday?

‐ Um...

Sure?

What do you want me to do?

Sorry, not you, Wes. Um...

Go ahead and deal with the spider and the cast, and, uh...

good luck. Alright, I'm sorry.

‐ I ain't doing the "stuff"...

but I'd play a game of Scrabble.

And I'll whoop your ass, too.

‐ Do you see the problem here, Chad? ‐ They look the same to me.

‐ Well, that's concerning to me, Chad, given that they are different.

I mean, one will make our bathroom ugly, and the other will not.

‐ Can't help you. It's on the purchase order.

You'll have to live with it.

‐ Hey, buddy,

you have an hour to start an installation with the right tile,

or I'ma call every person who owns a bathroom within a 50‐mile radius

to tell them you suck. Forget about what I write about you on Yelp.

Your mother will cry.

‐ She's already very disappointed. I'll fix it.

‐ Okay. Babe,

let me handle contractors from now on. I speak their language.

It's called shaming. ‐ Hmm.

Got it.

‐ Hey, Lotus! Me again.

Just triple‐checking that you don't need anything.

If you think of anything, you're my number‐one client.

And not just 'cause you're my only client!

Oh! Okay, gotta go.

Bobby, help me understand.

I've had the 7 AM private session for three years.

You don't call, you don't write.

You just switch me to the 11:30 AM on the app?

‐ I'm sorry. I have to reserve the 7 AM solo for people who actually work.

‐ I work! ‐ I just mean...

people with 9‐to‐5 schedules.

But, I promise,

I'll work you just as hard in this group sesh, 'kay?

‐ It's a group session?

BOBBY: Hey, Janice, how are the twins?

‐ Is that a mom?

‐ I don't understand why the hotels haven't re‐upped their order

of the Woöm's bath and shower line.

Unless they're refilling the bottles with something generic.

I want us to do a full investigation.

First, we have to drop some papers at my divorce attorney's.

Are you writing this down? ‐ Yes, yes. That's definitely a thing

I'm doing with my hands right now.

‐ You two starting a girl band I should know about?

I did leave my cowbell at home today.

This is my divorce lawyer, today of all days.

Meet me at the valet in five. You're driving.

‐ So fun. Be right there.

Um, when you asked Celeste for me to have more responsibility,

I didn't at all mean this. Well,

maybe you could ask the other two Haim sisters to give you a hand.

‐ Oh, right. Um, Celeste is burning all of Colin's shit,

and I guess she promised her masseuse's son this guitar?

Maybe he's a musician or a barista with big dreams.

‐ You can just leave that with me. I'm waiting for Stella

to meet me for lunch anyway.

‐ Oh my god, thank you so much. That would be insanely helpful.

Insane being the main word in my life right now.

Okay. I'm gonna send you his contact. He should be here really soon.

Okay.

Thank you so much. Pray for me!

‐ Uh, hi! Hello. Um...

I'm Jules. You must be... Fender?

‐ : Well, I'm here for the guitar, but I'm not a guitar myself.

Maybe in my next life?

‐ Right. Yeah. Uh,

yeah. Of course. Um...

I thought it was Australian like in a...

: G'day, Fender!

Kind of a way... ‐ Well...

She's gorgeous.

Any requests?

‐ Oh, a song, huh?

Any song. Um, one single song.

‐ It's not plugged in anyway. Oh.

Too bad because Hot In Here by Nelly

just sprang to mind. Oh damn.

Middle school dance flashbacks.

Fond memories? Not at all. Um,

I cried in the bathroom because Alex Pendleton told me

I smelled like pool water, which I didn't.

‐ Well, we both know Alex Pendleton peaked in seventh grade,

and he's now an incel who lives in his mom's basement.

‐ Thank you.

‐ Well, I'd love to, uh,

continue this, but, uh, I gotta be somewhere.

‐ Oh, gotta get to a gig? ‐ Actually, yeah. I'm doing a recording

session with a group called Trauma Bonding.

Have you heard of them? ‐ Uh, no, but I'm very familiar

with actual trauma.

Um, I need that.

‐ Oh! Of course you do.

‐ Thanks.

Nice to meet you, Jules.

‐ : Come here!

Okay, first of all,

we're now best friends. Don't feel threatened.

‐ She's everything, and I've claimed her as my own.

‐ Very happy for you both. Second, who was that?

I could feel the sexual tension from over here.

‐ After a lot of therapy, I thought my days of being attracted

to straight men were behind me, and yet here we are.

‐ Yeah. He is very not bad looking.

‐ No, and he was clearly hitting on you. Why didn't you ask him out?

‐ I don't know. My dance card is pretty full with...

one other person. Wes and I,

as they say in the business, banged.

‐ Wes is a veterinarian who lives with his ex‐girlfriend because she broke her hand.

‐ Okay, hot? So, how was it?

‐ Good. Too good.

But, I haven't told Madison 'cause I feel like she's not gonna love the idea

of me seeing him. ‐ Yeah, she's still in a fragile place,

and I feel like it'll trigger all the Colin stuff.

Our best friend unknowingly had an affair with Celeste's ex‐husband.

‐ Okay, also hot. I'm impressed by everything I'm hearing. Go on.

JULES: I just hate keeping anything from her.

Probably won't have to hide it much longer because I have no idea

when I'm gonna see him again. He's basically Nurse Jackie.

Canceled on me again the other night. ‐ Okay, that's it.

You need to ask this other guy out right now.

‐ Asking a guy out first isn't really something I've done ever.

‐ And that's why you're always stuck in this dynamic.

‐ Mm. ‐ Well, Izzy did give me his number...

‐ Okay, hello? What's your opening line? I don't know!

Madison is usually the one who helps me compose by boy texts.

And by helps, I mean tells me exactly what to write and then sends it for me.

‐ I mean, I usually start with a cropped photo of, like,

just my torso. ‐ Or...

‐ Okay, hard pass on both of those.

Okay, I'm just gonna try something.

So, what do we think

of Jules' opening here. How did that make you all feel?

‐ Bad. ‐ The exclamation point

makes her sound thirsty.

‐ Only psychopaths put punctuation at the end of a text.

‐ Well, I already sent that text,

so this feels both pointless and hurtful.

Oh, he might not remember my name. Let me just‐‐

‐ No, no, no!

‐ What now!? ‐ Send a GIF.

‐ Who thinks sending a GIF just now was a weird move?

JULES: Aw, what the hell, guys?

Okay, how do I recover? ‐ A quadruple text is suicide.

‐ He's already dead.

‐ We got bubbles, people.

MODERATOR: Hell yes.

‐ Now, send him a picture of your tits!

MODERATOR: We talked about this, Gary.

You have to stop pitching nudes!

‐ Then send him a picture of your feet.

‐ Who else thinks Gary is creepy AF?

Sorry I'm late!

I got moved to the stay‐at‐home moms' late morning class,

and I'm in a dark place.

Tell me something good.

‐ Well, Jules asked out a guy for the first time ever,

and is now going on a hot date tonight. ‐ Asked?

‐ Texted. ‐ You texted a guy without my input?

Big girl! ‐ Mm, well, it's not a date‐date.

I, at least, don't think it is.

Actually, I'm not sure. I should probably know, huh?

‐ Oh! This is a very cool venue.

I used to go there when I was invited to cool things at cool venues.

‐ Okay, well, how about this? I'm inviting you.

The thought of going to a hip concert alone

makes me wanna swan dive into a volcano.

MADISON: Well, I guess I could. I'll just

cancel plans with myself to stay in and cry on the couch, again.

‐ Should we get Iz something?

JULES: I think Celeste still has her captive.

I thought I was doing a nice thing by asking Celeste to give her more to do,

but she's just bossing her around.

‐ Well, Liv is pretty bossy, too. I mean, I thought we were supposed to be partners,

but it feels like I'm working under her.

‐ I'm sure she doesn't think you're under her.

‐ Don't move.

‐ Sorry, I just...

Just gonna...

Uh... yeah. Okay.

‐ Okay, wh‐what's happening?

‐ Um, I wanna be on top.

‐ Okay...

‐ It's probably the plumber.

‐ I'll go deal with it. ‐ No, I can deal with it.

‐ Stel, I got this.

‐ Remind me again why you needed us for this?

‐ I just need some big dick energy

to get my power back with Liv.

‐ Ooh! Get one that matches your nail polish.

MADISON: Is that hair? On the balls?

And a vein? The realistic ones scare me.

‐ If I had a dick, what kind of dick do you think I'd have?

‐ Circumcised?

MADISON: Maybe grab a harness and try them on?

Is it like shoes? Do you need to

walk around the store a little, make sure it's comfortable?

‐ Okay, I'm gonna go check out the, um...

Yeah, I just need to not

be standing in front of a wall of dicks anymore.

‐ For what it's worth, I like that one.

‐ Curve or no curve?

‐ These are the questions.

‐ So, Celeste finally let you go for the night?

‐ Oh, not at all. I have to meet her at the hotel after this.

She thinks I'm grabbing us smoothies right now,

and then we're checking for fake Woöm shampoo bottles.

I should probably at some point go grab smoothies.

‐ Iz, you have to stand up for yourself. Say no.

This is better candy than bra, just saying.

‐ I want Celeste to see that I can handle it, you know?

I'm not gonna crack. Even though...

I might be cracking.

‐ Hey, you gotta get up. Those are just for display.

‐ Sorry! Our bad!

‐ How does one get out of... the sex swing?

‐ Oh. Oof.

Oh...

Ow. One moment.

Okay, as someone who is not cool,

I can still recognize that this place very much is.

‐ Alright, smile, but look casual.

Have to post it on my story so people know I'm still a mover and/or shaker.

Or just alive at this point.

‐ Yeah, I think it could be a good idea to let certain people know

that I'm out there, having plans, etc.

‐ Oh, that is a thirst trap for sure.

Alright, let's get a drink.

Celeste?

That was my third shower. And?

Are they switching products? Am I being screwed?

‐ I‐I don't know, but I can feel the shampoo in my bloodstream.

Doesn't feel good.

FENDER: You came.

‐ I came.

‐ You look great.

‐ So do you.

‐ I like your necklace.

‐ I like your necklace.

‐ Hello. I'm Madison.

‐ Oh, hi!

‐ I'll go get us drinks. Nice to not meet you.

FENDER: So, did you wanna get a drink?

‐ Hi!

You can't look at me, then re‐walk away!

Our interaction already started!

I have lost all of my mojo. It's completely gone.

‐ Madison Maxwell?

Madison! Holy shit!

‐ Ruby! Oh my god, what're you doing here? ‐ You know, working,

but more like drinking, but more like work‐drinking.

‐ Tell me about it. Well,

minus the drinking part.

‐ What do you want? I'm buying.

‐ Put those down and move to the couch.

Now.

‐ Okay.

JULES: Hey‐‐ Oh!

‐ My god, Jules!

So funny running into you two together.

Totally brings me back to college.

‐ Totally. Hey, Ruby!

‐ Oh, fuck me. One sec. I have to go say hi

to a TikTok kid I gave a record deal to.

Hi! Hi!

‐ So, Ruby's like a full fancy A&R executive now?

Can you believe? Uh, yes, I can.

Isn't her dad, like, the Steve Jobs of record labels?

Pretty sure he gets a check every time someone just opens Spotify.

‐ Okay, take it easy, Judge Judy.

I'm so sad that show is done now.

‐ But real question, did you like anyone we went to college with?

‐ You and Stella were my best friends and I spent, like, five years

without hanging with you guys. ‐ Fair point.

Yeah, but Ruby's cool. I mean, she was two years below us and still intimidating?

I respect it.

‐ You guys wanna come to the VIP section? It's more private.

‐ Actually, Fender invited me to go backstage for his performance.

We should go there. ‐ Yeah, I don't think

he wants me backstage. ‐ Don't worry.

I'll keep her safe. Go have fun.

We have a lot to catch up on.

‐ What do we have here?

FENDER: Hey.

‐ Hey!

You were so amazing.

I should probably learn your real name, huh?

‐ It's Josh.

I'm sorry.

‐ So, we're gonna stick with Fender, right?

‐ Probably gonna get it legally changed, yeah.

Drinks? ‐ Lead the way.

FENDER: Uh...

‐ Does a vodka soda make me boring?

‐ Two of those.

‐ I always feel like I'm gonna get drink shamed for being basic,

but I just spent too many years of my life pretending to like beer,

and I can't do it anymore.

‐ Pretending to like something is more basic than vodka soda could ever be.

‐ Very good point.

‐ Are you buying? 'Cause you did ask me out tonight.

‐ Oh my god. Yeah. Sorry.

‐ I'm messing with you. It's all comped here.

‐ I'm just excited that you texted me first.

‐ Oh, so you like when a girl makes the first move then?

‐ What can I say? I'm a boy who likes to be courted.

‐ Okay, wait, tell me more about what's been going on with you.

I feel like you've been totally crushing the publicist thing.

‐ I mean...

Can I give you the real? ‐ It's the only thing I'll accept.

‐ I was crushing it, but I recently got let go from my firm.

I've been trying to build up an independent list,

but I've been feeling a little less than lately.

‐ Girl, look at who you're talking to.

No one in music took me seriously at first because of who my dad is.

I had to work twice as hard just to prove I didn't get this job

because of nepotism. ‐ That must've been hard.

‐ It was, and not just work stuff.

It was hard in school with friends, too.

I realize how this sounds. "Poor little rich girl

stuck living in Beverly Hills with her parents and commuting to class," but...

it seemed like everyone really bonded in the dorms,

and I was kinda... not a part of it.

‐ Well, you also missed out on needing shoes to shower.

But yeah, I got really lucky to have Jules as my roommate.

‐ I'm going to an after‐party in a little

that's gonna have a bunch more Hillslope artists.

Come with me.

‐ I shouldn't leave Jules. ‐ Oh, she's fine.

You saw that guy.

‐ Are we about to have a night?

‐ We're about to have a night.

‐ Celeste, that's it.

Celeste... I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore.

Celeste. That's it.

Celeste, that's it. I can't take it anymore.

Celeste, that's it.

Celeste, that's it.

Oh my god...

‐ So?

‐ Um...

I know I'm probably gonna projectile vomit

when I re‐enter my body after this

very uncharacteristic speech, but‐‐

Oh god.

‐ Are you okay? ‐ It's happening.

I don't know if it's Woöm

or if it's Softsoap, okay?

I‐I feel like a freaking baby seal.

‐ I'm so sorry, Izzy.

I might have gotten carried away with this whole...

product betrayal thing.

‐ It's fine. ‐ No, it's not.

‐ Is that for me? 'Cause I could really use it.

‐ Here.

‐ This drummer, he got so drunk,

he yaks on his hi‐hat, he passes out mid‐show,

and then comes to, and then starts playing again.

‐ No! Oh my god! ‐ Yes.

‐ Um...

Sorry, uh... You know what?

Just give me one second. ‐ Yep.

‐ Hey, um, I can't really talk. So wait,

you picked up the phone to tell me that you can't talk?

‐ Yeah, it makes less sense when you repeat it back to me.

I'm just... I'm out right now.

‐ I know. I‐I liked your picture.

‐ Oh, you did? You know, the picture quality

on these new phones is getting so impressive, and I just...

I miss you.

‐ Look, I gotta go.

‐ Alright. Uh, text me later.

‐ Sorry about that.

That was just my... ‐ Boyfriend?

It's okay if it was. It's just, like I said...

you texted me.

‐ No, no, no. Um,

I do not have a boyfriend. I mean,

really. I don't know what we are.

This is just my friend I came here with,

telling me she left to go to some after‐party with another girl.

But,

in the spirit of being honest, I guess I...

did ask you out to try to make him jealous. I'm sorry.

Playing me like a used guitar.

It's okay. We've all done it.

‐ Yeah, well, I played myself

because you are great.

‐ Thanks. So are you.

‐ Well, um, since I'm not going home with my friend anymore,

do you wanna get another drink somewhere else?

I can't stop asking you out. What is happening?

‐ Actually, I've gotta be up early to be on a plane, but, um,

let's hang out when I get back.

‐ Yeah.

‐ I should go pack up my stuff.

Bye, Jules.

‐ Well, I will text you.

Or you text me! You know,

whoever texts first texts... first.

You know... Okay, see ya. Bye.

‐ Today is, well...

would've been my 10‐year anniversary with Colin.

‐ Whoa.

‐ You know, he's trying to take everything from me.

As if he hasn't already.

But I wouldn't give him the Malibu house.

I couldn't, you know, after all he's done to me.

So, things have gotten ugly.

Like "a world with no night serum" ugly.

Yeah. He's come after everything,

so now, it's just been dragged out into this full‐on shit show,

and I have arrived at this fucking milestone

still technically married to him.

‐ I hate him so much.

‐ Me, too.

I used to love him.

Anyway...

you should probably go.

I've tortured you enough.

‐ I could stay.

‐ Why?

‐ You shouldn't have to be alone on your would‐be anniversary.

I mean, you're amazing.

I have idolized you since I started at Woöm.

I don't know. We could just, like...

hang?

‐ Okay.

Yeah.

Do you wanna get room service? Get fries?

‐ You eat fries? ‐ Only with wine.

‐ Holy shit.

‐ So, Stel, you wanna talk to me about what's really going on?

'Cause you're clearly overcompensating for something.

‐ Um...

Look, I know you know this business better than I do.

But, you're making me feel...

emasculated.

The fucking patriarchy doesn't give us a word.

E‐woman‐ated.

‐ Listen, you're right.

I guess, sometimes, I can be kind of alpha like that.

That's how I've had to be to survive,

and it's not cool.

Listen, I don't want our business stuff to mess us up. Okay?

But, um,

you really wanna be equal partners in every way?

‐ Um, maybe in the bar we're both bosses,

but I think in the bedroom, I'm just a bottom.

‐ Oh, come on. You're not just a bottom.

‐ I'm a... power bottom?

That's hot. Power bottom. ‐ So hot. Mm‐hm. Yeah.

‐ Hey, this is my official "I'm sorry for ditching you for a boy" apology.

How was the rest of your night?

Wow, you guys stayed out that late?

She slept over?

Yeah, that's true. I guess it doesn't count as a sleepover if you didn't sleep.

No, yeah. That's great that you guys reconnected.

Um, well, get some sleep, and I'll...

I'll talk to you later.

'Kay, bye.