Original subtitles

JULES: I'm being latte‐shamed.

The uncaffeinated masses are staring at me. Should we move?

‐ What? No!

Why would you feel guilty for having your shit together and getting here early?

But seriously, Jules, today is the start of a new chapter for both of us.

You are the right‐hand woman at Woöm,

and I'm starting my own PR company, of which I am CEO and founder.

‐ Personally, I think you were born for this.

You came out of utero in a teeny‐tiny power blazer.

‐ We are about to have a fucking moment. ‐ I know.

I have decided to care.

‐ I am tearing up.

‐ I'm gonna work hard at this right‐hand woman thing and see where it takes me,

even if it takes me to the very top.

‐ I am full‐on crying.

‐ Um‐‐ ‐ Inside. And you know what?

I am not even upset that you are being mentored

by the ex‐wife of the man who broke my heart,

crushed it to pieces, and threw it in a fire.

Alright. I gotta get to my meeting.

My first potential client is a TikTok star who wants to be the next Chalamet.

And I've got the PowerPoint path to the next peach‐eating star right here.

‐ Well, tick‐tock. You better get there before he turns 20 and he's old news.

‐ Aw. You've got the face of an angel and the jokes of an uncool dad.

‐ Love you. ‐ Love you.

‐ Ooh!

‐ Ugh.

Oof!

Asshole!

IZZY: Jules, you're, like, a big deal now.

I mean, with the Alisons gone, we're basically the senior girls around here,

so the newbies are gonna be looking at us to set the tone.

Jules, this is Sky,

our associate director of branding, and this is Q

on our editorial team. ‐ Hi, it's nice to meet you.

‐ So, Sky,

Q, here's the deal.

And I'm sure I speak for both Jules and me when I say this...

‐ I'm less sure of that.

‐ It is really important to us that

even though we're kind of a big deal,

you guys feel comfortable around here, right?

Because I know, when you're new, it can be really tempting

to try to fit in or create a fake name, you know?

‐ Did she just say fake name? ‐ I kind of black out

when that one's talking. Basically,

just know that you guys don't have to feel intimidated by us.

‐ Oh, I feel that not at all.

Like... at all, so...

‐ Good morning, all.

Jules, next to me.

‐ Oh. Uh, yeah. As you all know,

it is summer,

which means that it is time for the Woöm Beauty Guide.

And the Beauty Guide is the hallmark of the year.

Like the Oscars when they were relevant.

Every year,

we break the guide down into categories based on a theme.

And this year's theme is Going Deep:

an exploration of the human body

and all the things that are wrong with it.

We will break down the guide with beauty products by body parts.

Eyebrows, under eyes, nail beds...

All the parts that have problems.

Love her. ‐ Obsessed.

‐ Jules, did you have any ideas?

Remember, I want your input. Um...

I was thinking, in addition to

body parts, it might be nice to include a section on...

inner beauty. Oh.

Someone recently sent me samples for

a line of skin care products that you eat.

It's like a moisturizing from within idea.

‐ That's sort of what I meant except actually very different from that.

I was thinking more like a list of things that make you feel good.

Um, book recommendations,

the best meditation app,

organizations you can donate to and...

get involved?

‐ Interesting.

I want you to put together a one‐sheet for me on that.

Oh, and Jules, you'll have to sample

all the products that come in to make sure they're up to Woöm standards.

We have a glam team coming in to help you with that.

Back to the list.

Thumbs.

‐ This is the CA for all of VQBC's

private COs internationally.

They wanna see basis points and ETFs for all 219.

‐ So basically, they want a P/E ratio for the blue chips

in European and Asian markets. ‐ By tomorrow.

That intern life.

Sorry not sorry.

‐ Got it. Dude,

I just dropped a load of work on the new intern's desk.

‐ That's the only load you're gonna drop on her.

‐ She kinda does look like that stripper we met in Vegas, right?

‐ She's hot. ‐ Yeah.

‐ What's with the red suit? It's like, yeah.

All chicks are obsessed with AOC.

We get it.

STELLA: Actually,

it's more her taking‐no‐shit

than the style‐inspo for me.

But, thank you so much for noticing.

Oh, and could you boys keep it down?

Some of us are working. Sorry.

Not sorry.

‐ You think I'm panhandling? This top?

It's from Zara!

‐ You have never looked more flawless.

Holy shit. This is incredible!

‐ Really?

Fine, I'll give you a one‐time post pass. Hurry though.

I could change my mind at any second.

‐ Ugh, I wish I could. I just can't post right now

because of Rancoon.

‐ What's that now?

‐ He's the elephant that's stuck in a ditch in Soweto.

‐ How have you not seen this? It's trending globally.

Oh, do people her age not have phones?

‐ Maybe.

JULES: Wow, this is serious public outcry.

I do need this for my casket photo though.

I'm still very confused about why you can't post this very rare glory.

‐ There's an unwritten rule that

it's kind of a bad look to post personal joy

in the face of global tragedy.

It's the same reason I've been waiting forever

to officially post me and Liam as a couple.

First, there was the pandemic,

and then there was like the social justice stuff,

and the election, and now it's Rancoon.

It's just, like, really not the right time to show off.

You get it.

‐ So, how'd it go?

Oh.

A what? ‐ A robot!

Yeah, it was awful.

I pushed the meeting another hour,

but I need to borrow your iPad, so I can do my presentation.

‐ Okay, I'll be right there.

I have to go meet Madison. She got hit by a robot.

Her day is not awesome.

Madison!

Madison?

‐ Jules!

‐ I don't have insurance!

Madison! You look like you got hit by a bus!

What's going on? What happened now?

‐ Colin is engaged.

‐ I am so sorry!

Fuck him! And, honestly,

pretty bad look to post your engagement when Rancoon is lying in a ditch.

MADISON: Oh, thank you.

Wait, I have to go. I have to get to this meeting.

‐ Um, maybe you should

just call and postpone. ‐ No. I can't.

Wait, why do you look so hot?

‐ What? No!

You're saying things. I'm regular.

‐ Okay, thank you. Love you. Bye.

‐ Love you...

‐ Anything I can help you find today?

‐ Does this say, "I'm sorry your day has been awful,

but I love you and believe you can accomplish anything"?

‐ It's a bamboo drawer organizer. You're right.

It's perfect.

‐ Jules?

‐ Wes? Uh, I...

That's crazy. I didn't see you.

‐ You were, uh, hiding behind a stack of containers

that are made outta clear plastic, so, uh,

I saw you.

‐ Wow, um, so, uh,

it's been forever. I know!

You‐you‐you look great.

Like‐‐ like, really great actually.

‐ Thanks. Uh, I was just

running some errands before I go back to work.

‐ What is it that you are, uh,

in the business of containing today? ‐ Just a little,

uh, pick‐me‐up gift for my friend Madison. How about you?

‐ Just some packing materials for Lucy,

my‐‐ ‐ Girlfriend!

Right. That you've been dating!

I‐I thought saw something about that on the,

mm, social media.

‐ She's, uh, my ex‐girlfriend now. Technically.

‐ Oh really?! I mean, oh really?

‐ Yeah. Broke up a few weeks ago, but, uh‐‐

She moved in with me during quarantine, so it's been a bit...

challenging, uh, and complicated, um...

But, finally helping her move out to a friend's house.

‐ Mm. Well, ha,

been there.

I mean, not there, but, like, a similar thing.

‐ It's really wonderful running into you. Uh,

and the‐the timing is actually kinda‐‐ kinda crazy?

Uh, because I've been...

wanting to reach out, but also, like, you know,

waiting, um, until,

um, I‐I don't know.

‐ Right. Well...

Yeah.

I mean...

‐ Um...

I'll text you. Soon.

‐ Just do not look back.

Stay this way. Look this way.

That is very cool.

‐ Hi! Anyone work here?

‐ Who's asking?

‐ Bill, did you catfish another woman?

‐ Alright, listen. Make a run for it, okay?

He's not a 26‐year‐old from Manhattan Beach.

‐ Hm. I immediately like you.

And not just 'cause I hope you can get me a drink.

‐ Go ahead. We're doing a... fun self‐service thing.

‐ Seriously?

‐ Have at it.

‐ Okay.

This is the best thing to happen to me all day.

‐ Your bottle work says former bar‐back,

but your outfit says...

high‐powered attorney with something to prove?

‐ Hm.

I actually have been a bartender before.

A house sitter, a dog walker,

and, one extremely dark summer,

a children's party princess.

‐ Fun. ‐ Yeah. Currently though,

I am interning at a bank down the street.

And as you can tell by my well‐balanced lunch,

I have never been happier.

‐ Really? Worse than party princess?

‐ It's a mix of toxic masculinity

meets terminally boring.

Like Wolf of Wall Street,

but if instead of starring Leo, it starred a...

guy from an insurance commercial.

‐ I don't know. Have you seen Jake from State Farm?

Man's got charisma for days.

‐ I just actually got a job that's impressive.

You know, the kind of job that everyone else wanted.

That I thought I wanted.

But, here I am.

And here you are.

At Frank... Ginatra's.

‐ Yep. My dad.

I got it because he died.

But, it's drowning in debt.

But don't worry 'cause I do have one offer from some people that wanna buy it

and turn it into a...

dog nail salon

called Pupicures, so yay me.

‐ Mommy! Mommy! I found a pill in the couch

in Grandpa's office! ‐ Ah.

Well, that could just be a number of fun things, couldn't it? Tell you what.

Why don't you let me have that one... ‐ Who are you?

‐ Uh, Stella. Who are you?

‐ Bruno. I'm a dragon.

‐ Cool. I'm a Sagittarius.

‐ B, I'll tell you what. Why don't you take my phone,

you can have some screen time until we go home. Deal?

‐ Rawr! ‐ Rawr!

‐ You have a kid? ‐ Oh no.

I have a dragon.

‐ Thank you for that.

Better get going. Back to the bank.

‐ Just remember.

You've already dealt with drunks and tiny divas before.

And this job sounds like it's the... worst of both worlds.

‐ Thanks for the pep talk. ‐ Good luck.

Stop looking at me, Bill. I'm not letting you behind the bar.

‐ Hello?

‐ First of all, there's a group text that I'm not on? Hurtful.

‐ What? How?

You have my iPad. ‐ I have your iPad.

‐ Shit.

MADISON : Look, we are not canceling, Jules.

I'm feeling totally celebrational!

I just got out of the shower, and was deciding how glam to go for our dinner.

You know,

I feel like it's a one‐shoulder top kind of night.

‐ Wait, we have to get dressed up? Maybe I should cancel.

‐ I'm hanging up. See you tonight.

‐ Is this a joke? Is everyone having the greatest day ever except for me?

‐ Should we just go back to yours and order in? I mean, we don't have to stay.

‐ Honestly, the second girl seemed more surprised

than happy. I give them a year.

‐ I'm fine! Look, Jules can barely have coffee

in front of other people without feeling guilty.

She deserves to celebrate her promotion

without feeling bad that I cried during a client meeting today.

‐ Oh shit, you cried?

Like a single graceful tear or?

‐ More like a quiet sob, I'd say.

‐ Oh, incoming...

‐ Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late. I was finishing a pitch thing for Celeste.

‐ Oh shit! A pitch for what?

Look at you. That's so exciting.

‐ Oh. Just some random thing.

And she didn't say anything when I gave it to her,

so she probably won't even use it.

So, how was, um, the meeting?

‐ So. Good. Great.

Very great good. Perfect. So, so good.

‐ Oh. Great.

‐ So great! You know what? Be right back. I am gonna go check on our drinks.

‐ Ha!

So, how is she actually doing?

‐ Full breakdown. ‐ Worse than Rancoon.

‐ I'd like to order a bottle of champagne over to my table.

We're celebrating my friend's promotion.

‐ God, this is what I was worried about.

I just don't wanna make anything worse. Like, you can't tell her

I ran into Wes today, and he's breaking up with his girlfriend.

‐ Wes is breaking up with his girlfriend?

You weren't gonna tell me?

‐ Well, what's to tell? Th‐there's nothing to tell.

‐ Just tell.

‐ His ex‐girlfriend is moving out. They broke up.

‐ Holy...

JULES: And he said he's gonna text me.

‐ Wow. I can't believe it.

You ran into Wes on the same day you got promoted

and got a free makeover at work?

You're having a killer day!

‐ Yep!

‐ I am gonna just run to the bathroom for some air.

I mean, to pee. For some air while I pee.

Poor Madison...

‐ Jules' stock is through the roof today!

It's up 20,000%

from the truly rock bottom

depressed era of last spring.

Madison's self‐worth is plummeting!

It‐it's bottoming out! She's worth pennies at this point!

‐ Okay, no, no, no! Don't panic!

Don't panic! Madison will be back. Okay, she just had a bad day.

She is a blue chip. Trust me. I'm a blip!

I'll be back to negative numbers in no time!

Just don't give up on her!

Seriously, she's my best friend!

I'll... I'll short myself! I can fix this!

Ooh! Hi! Um, I know my best friend ordered this, but send it back.

She's had a really bad day, and she doesn't need to be reminded of my joy.

Look how good my hair looks.

I beg you, no champagne. ‐ Let go of the bottle!

‐ Oh!

‐ That was for them, you psychopath.

MADISON: A third couple?

What was there, an article about this place?

‐ Now, these two are gonna make it.

‐ Check! Please! Please...

STELLA: I'm sorry your day is shit, Madison.

But I promise you, this is a place where we can drink

where no one will be celebrating anything good.

‐ Yes, I feel confident nothing good has ever happened here.

‐ So, you told people I'm giving away free booze,

or you just miss me?

‐ I hear you have a couch full of pills, and we're looking to have a weird night.

Guys, this is Liv.

Liv, these are three women

in desperate need of some alcohol.

Alright. ‐ I will take a large tequila soda,

hold the soda. Supersize me.

‐ So, drunk fast.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Oh. Wow.

- Okay. - Fuck.

Today sucked.

BILL: You'd be prettier if you smiled.

‐ What did you just say to her? Dudes don't like angry chicks.

So, come on, honey. Gimme a little smile.

‐ I'm gonna throw something! ‐ Okay,

I know you did not just tell this woman to smile.

‐ This woman is the C‐E‐goddamn‐O

of her own company, and she has talent and brains coming out the wazoo.

And sure, she's had a shit day and she's crying,

but she is a goddamn hero.

‐ And she is not here to smile for you.

‐ Well, why do you girls got all dressed up and came to a bar?

‐ I don't know why you quit your job in the North Pole to get a meth problem,

but, hey, some things are hard to understand.

Turn around.

LIV: Damn, girl. Y'all are crazy.

I like it.

‐ A bamboo drawer organizer? ‐ What do you think?

‐ That I'm lucky to have a best friend

who gets and loves me as much as this says you do.

I'm sorry I was so weird and fake at dinner.

Look, I know I could just be honest with you.

‐ You were being weird? I was being weird.

And you were right this morning. I have to let myself feel deserving of good things,

even though that's hard for me sometimes.

‐ Look, you just have to know that your good day

will always make my bad day better, not worse.

I promise. You guys!

It's Rancoon. He's free.

‐ That's amazing! Are you gonna post a photo with Liam now?

‐ I don't know. It still might not be, like, the right time.

‐ Izzy, do you think that the real Rancoon in the room

might have nothing to do with an elephant?

‐ Oh. What? Like,

I'm afraid to post a photo with Liam

because everyone will see that he's a million times hotter than me,

and then they'll be like, "Why is he dating her in the first place?"

No.

‐ Seriously, if you didn't work at a bank, I would offer you a job as a bouncer.

‐ I mean, I wish I worked here. This place is way more my style.

‐ Okay, this is incredible. I haven't channel surfed since 2006.

I mean, I quit paying for cable, like, forever ago.

Drag Race is on? Wait, okay,

can I just, like, come here on Fridays and watch RuPaul live?

‐ Until it's a dog nail salon, sure. Oh my god,

I cannot believe that guys

just get to show up at a bar

and watch sports for free, like, whenever they want to.

This is genius.

‐ Have you ever thought about renovating this place instead of selling it?

‐ Yeah, I don't think a new coat of paint is gonna save this place.

‐ Not just a coat of paint. I mean, like,

a whole new concept.

A bar with no meth Santas,

clean bathrooms,

rosé on tap.

You know, somewhere where you can go where you're not getting hit on.

Somewhere where you can yell at the TV

while watching Bravo or The Bachelor.

‐ Uh, I don't know what you guys are talking about,

but I just heard the words rosé and Bachelor

in the same sentence, so yes to whatever that's for.

‐ Hm.

Wait, are you serious? ‐ Yeah.

I‐I don't care if a dumb bank internship

is what people think is the big get. I hate it.

I went to business school to become an entrepreneur.

And this could be my summer internship.

I mean, we could do it together.

‐ Hm. I mean,

it would really, really piss off my dead dad.

Telling him I was gay was good, but this might top that.

You know what?

Fuck it. Let's do it.

MADISON: Thanks.

I'll need it.

‐ Take that, you bag of dicks.

‐ That's it. That's all my stuff.

‐ You okay? ‐ I'm totally fine.

Let's go.

‐ Holy shit! Are you okay?

‐ My right hand...

I‐I think it's broken.

Fuck!