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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:42,360 Have you ever confused a dream with life? 2 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,280 Or stolen something when you have the cash? 3 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,920 Have you ever been blue? 4 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,440 Or thought your train moving while sitting still? 5 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,080 Maybe I was just crazy. 6 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,960 Maybe it was the '60s. 7 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,160 Or maybe I was just a girl... 8 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,360 interrupted. 9 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,720 Put her in restraints. Withdraw blood for tox. 10 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,680 - Hold on. - Give her five milligrams of Valium. 11 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,360 - You got your end? - Want to do a C.B.C.? 12 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,760 Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate. 13 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,000 Aspirin fragments and vodka, I think. 14 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,880 Don't tell me what you think. Take it to the lab. 15 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,120 You should check my hand. There's no bones in it. 16 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,120 Looks like a wrist banger. 17 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,040 Is that why you did this? 18 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,480 And other things. 19 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,600 Her parents are on the way. 20 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,800 Sometimes it's hard... 21 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,960 for me to stay in one place. 22 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,480 Susanna... 23 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,960 if you had no bones in your hand... 24 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,320 how did you pick up the aspirin? 25 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,640 What is my mother doing? 26 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,320 Would you answer my question, please? 27 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,520 How did you pick up the aspirin if you had no bones in your hand? 28 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,640 By then, they had come back. 29 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,000 I see. 30 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,000 No, you don't. 31 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,080 Well... 32 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,320 indulge me, then. 33 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,200 Explain it to me. 34 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,320 Explain what? 35 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,920 Explain to a doctor that the laws of physics... 36 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,440 can be suspended? 37 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,840 That what goes up may not come down? 38 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,880 Explain... 39 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,440 that time... 40 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,840 can move backwards and forwards... 41 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,960 and now to then and back again... 42 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,280 and you can't control it? 43 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,680 Why can't you control it? 44 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,840 What? 45 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,040 Why can't you control time? 46 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,760 Sam, shh! 47 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,360 Where were you? Everyone is here. Come on. 48 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,160 - Mary, you remember Susanna. - Yes, I do. 49 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,000 So this is what you're wearing? 50 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,200 I didn't know it was so early. I would have changed. 51 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,040 Hey, everybody. Look who's here. 52 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,440 - Happy birthday, Dad. - Thanks, sweetie. 53 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,480 I'm sorry. I want to say hi to her. 54 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,960 Sweetie, would you hold this for me? 55 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,560 I want to say hi to Susanna. 56 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,680 Excuse me. Susanna! 57 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,760 Professor Gilcrest's wife. 58 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,080 Hi. Barbara Gilcrest. Do you remember me? 59 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,600 - I'm Bonnie's mom. - Yeah. 60 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,920 Your skin is so beautiful. 61 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,760 Bonnie was in your Lit class, wasn't she? 62 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,720 Yeah. How is she doing? 63 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,400 She just go accepted to Radcliffe. 64 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,000 What a conundrum. 65 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,920 I'm a Wellesley girl, myself, but... 66 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,280 I think young women should make up their own mind, don't you? 67 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,440 Are you stoned? 68 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,480 Do you smoke pot? 69 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,480 Take LSD? 70 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,160 No drugs? 71 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,560 How do you feel right now? 72 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,840 I... 73 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,560 don't know. 74 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,400 I don't know what I'm feeling. 75 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,960 You need a rest. 76 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,880 Well, I'll go home, take a nap. 77 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,200 You need to go somewhere where you can get a genuine rest. 78 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,920 And you're very lucky. 79 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,360 The best place in the world for someone like you... 80 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,200 is less than a half an hour from here. 81 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,320 You don't mean Claymoore. 82 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,400 Four days ago... 83 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,800 you chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka. 84 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,680 I had a headache. 85 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,160 Your father is a friend of mine. 86 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,080 He's a colleague. 87 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:02,680 He asked me to see you, even though I don't do this anymore. 88 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,000 You're hurting everyone around you. 89 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,400 Now... 90 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:13,080 Claymore is a topnotch place. 91 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,040 A lot of people go there. 92 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,240 Even writers. 93 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,720 Like you. 94 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,720 Yes, I'd like a cab at 1240 Milford, please. 95 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,480 My mother's here. 96 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,960 It'll be less emotional if we do it this way. 97 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,080 Your parents and I have talked about it. 98 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,280 Now, make sure no stops. 99 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,320 Susanna, are you there? 100 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,480 Hey. I want to see you again. 101 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:36,040 - It was a one-time thing, okay? - Just come to my office tonight. 102 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,280 Sweetie, where are you? We're opening the presents. 103 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,640 Tell them you're going to a friend's. Please. 104 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,200 Who do you want me to tell first? 105 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,960 My parents, the department chairman or your wife? 106 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,520 What did you do? 107 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,080 Excuse me? 108 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,640 Well, you look normal. 109 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,560 I'm sad. 110 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,920 Well, everyone's sad. 111 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,360 I see things. 112 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,600 You mean like tripping? 113 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,320 Kind of. 114 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,760 Then they should put John Lennon away, huh? 115 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,760 I'm notJohn Lennon. 116 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,880 Don't get too comfortable. 117 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,040 Shouldn't my parents... 118 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,480 You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen. 119 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,360 You're over 18. This is your decision. 120 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,760 I didn't try to kill myself. 121 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:51,160 That's the kind of thing you talk about in therapy, honey. Not here. 122 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,600 You have the distinction of being the only senior at Springbrook... 123 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,520 not going on to college. 124 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,400 May I ask what you plan to do? 125 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,920 I plan to write. 126 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,560 But what to you plan to do? 127 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,040 Look, I'm not going to burn my bra... 128 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,680 or drop acid or go march on Washington. 129 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,760 I just don't want to end up like my mother. 130 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,400 Women today have more choices than that. 131 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,000 No, they don't. 132 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,240 And here. 133 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,960 You forgot one, dear. Here. 134 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself... 135 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,400 welcome to Claymoore. 136 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,000 This is the women's ward, also known as South Bell. 137 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,920 This is where you'll be staying, and this is where I work. 138 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,960 All right, this is the second floor. 139 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,480 I need you to stay close to me because it's easy to get lost here. 140 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,960 This is our ward. 141 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,320 All right. Let's start with this room. 142 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,800 This is the art room. 143 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,600 Polly. What are you doing in here? 144 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,680 I feel very musical today. Can I just... 145 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,480 Not today, honey. 146 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,880 That's Polly. Come on. 147 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,400 Margie. 148 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,880 - Polly was in the art room by herself. - I'm sorry, Val. 149 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,560 All right. 150 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,680 Ah, the living room. 151 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,600 Everyone hates it. 152 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,040 And these are the phones. 153 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,480 You need to make a call, pick up the handle... 154 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,240 tell the nurse, she'll connect you. 155 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,080 This is the nurses' station, which is self-explanatory. 156 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,080 And this is the TV room where everyone hangs out. 157 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,280 I want my fucking clothes. 158 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,480 Then you'll have to eat something, won't you? 159 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,880 This is where you check-in... 160 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,160 if you want walk on the grounds or something. 161 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,360 Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay 162 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,480 Gotta jump down, spin around Pick a bale of cotton 163 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,920 Jump down, spin around Pick a bale of hay 164 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,160 She thinks that bothers me. Right now... 165 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,560 you're an " R," which means you're restricted to the ward. 166 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,320 But in about a month, you'll probably move up to two-to-ones... 167 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,640 which is two nurses to every patient. 168 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,000 I'm not going to be here that long. I'm just here for a rest. 169 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,920 It's all right. Everybody gets the same tour free of charge. 170 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,680 Georgina, this is Susanna, your new roommate. 171 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,040 - Oh, great. Hi. - Hi. 172 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,800 Susanna, you're very lucky. Georgina's an excellent roommate. 173 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,680 Why, thank you, Valerie. 174 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:19,800 You're welcome. 175 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,400 Susanna, will you excuse me? I have some business I have to attend to. 176 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,480 Georgina, will you take Susanna down to the dining room in a half hour? 177 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,320 Sure. 178 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,280 Yes means yes, Georgina. 179 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,720 I know. 180 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,280 Groovy box. 181 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,480 - That. - Oh. 182 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,560 Yeah, they're French. 183 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,200 The French Resistance smoked them, I think. 184 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,240 You ever read this? 185 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,080 No. I saw the movie a bunch of times, though. 186 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,360 The movie's actually based on the first book. 187 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:24,440 I read that one too, but there were no ruby slippers in it originally. 188 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,720 They added that. This one takes place afterwards. 189 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,200 Dorothy doesn't really have such a big part in this one. 190 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,640 Fucking pig. 191 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,800 Get off me! 192 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,520 Hey, Dais. Let anyone in your room yet? 193 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,880 Hey, girls! Hey, sexy. 194 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,040 It's good to be home. 195 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,600 - Hey, Torch. - Hey, Lisa. 196 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,800 - You miss me? - Not much. 197 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,280 Get her to her room. Gretta'll do the strip search. 198 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,600 - Who's that with Georgie-girl? - Come on. 199 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,920 - Where's Jamie? - I can't deal with this. 200 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,080 - Don't give me a hard time. - Where's Jamie? 201 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,400 Where is she? 202 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,080 Let go! Don't you fucking touch me! 203 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,360 Who are you? 204 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,200 Her name is Susanna. She smokes French cigarettes. 205 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,560 Why is all your shit on her bed? 206 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,040 - Why? Where's Jamie? - What are you talking about? 207 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,880 What the hell are you doing, Lisa? 208 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:56,320 Back off her. Back off. You've been gone for two weeks. 209 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,400 A lot of shit has gone down. Back off. 210 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,520 How'd she do it? 211 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,840 Get the fuck off me! 212 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,520 You weak people. You're all weak fucking people! You're victims! 213 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,160 You people are fucking sick! 214 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,040 What? No, Val, please. Please! 215 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,520 Get her legs! 216 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,920 Please! 217 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,000 - Fuck, no! - Get her feet! 218 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,320 - I got her! - Get off! No, no! 219 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,120 Help! 220 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,120 We have got to cut those nails again. 221 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:46,000 My God. What the hell was that? 222 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,920 That was Lisa. 223 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,240 And Jamie was your roommate? 224 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,160 Jamie was Lisa's best friend. 225 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,080 She was sad last week 'cause Lisa ran away... 226 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,360 so she hung herself with a volleyball net. 227 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,480 Master. 228 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,760 Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. 229 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,520 Meds! 230 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,400 Cynthia Crowley. 231 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,640 Susanna Kaysen. 232 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,600 I am Mrs. McWilley, and these are for you. 233 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,760 - What are they? - They'll help you sleep. 234 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,320 - It's 10:30. I'm not gonna... - For Christ's sake. 235 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,200 You can discuss it in the morning, dear, with your doctor. 236 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,640 In the meantime, we'll just have to agree to disagree. 237 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,240 Take them here. Have some water. 238 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,960 Polly Clark. 239 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,880 You can go now. 240 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,640 Teresa McCullian. 241 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,560 Daisy Randone. 242 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,920 Yearbook editor and member of the honor society. 243 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,320 Heading off to Tulane University. 244 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,440 Congratulations. 245 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,440 Andrea Jacobs... 246 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,720 president of the French Club and honor society... 247 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,440 and on her way to Sarah Lawrence. 248 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,680 - What is she doing? - Some kind of a stunt. 249 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,240 Wake up, freak. 250 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:37,600 Checks. 251 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,400 Why do they do that? 252 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,160 They're just doing checks. 253 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,280 They'll space them out more after you've been here a while. 254 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,280 That girl. Polly. 255 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,000 How did she get all... 256 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,320 When she was ten... 257 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,720 her mother told her that she had to give away her puppy... 258 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,680 'cause he was giving her a rash. 259 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,920 And so Polly went... 260 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,560 and found her father's gas can... 261 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,160 and she poured it all over where she was getting the rash. 262 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,040 And then... 263 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,600 she lit a match. 264 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,960 Oh, my God. 265 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,640 What about you? Why are you here? 266 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,440 Pseudologia fantastica. 267 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,200 What's that? 268 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,320 I'm a pathological liar. 269 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,680 - What are your plans this fall? - What? 270 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,960 What are your plans this fall? 271 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,760 I don't have any. 272 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,360 I'm going to be an ethonobotanist. 273 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,320 Full scholarship to M.I.T. 274 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,320 I'm gonna join the Krishnas. 275 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:15,400 Hare Krishna? That's interesting, actually. 276 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,320 I was kidding. 277 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,360 You're Susanna, right? 278 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,400 I'm Toby. Andrea Jacobs' brother. 279 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,840 I was at graduation. 280 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,880 You're... 281 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,280 You're pretty when you sleep. 282 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,240 Checks. 283 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,680 It's 7:00. 284 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,160 I mean, everybody thinks about it at some point. 285 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,760 How would you do it? 286 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,360 I don't know. 287 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,240 I guess I haven't really thought about it. 288 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,120 Once it's in your head, though... 289 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,240 you become this... 290 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,000 strange, new breed. 291 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:40,440 A life-form that loves to fantasize about its own demise. 292 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,960 Make a stupid remark, kill yourself. 293 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,120 If you like the movie, you live. 294 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,800 - You miss the train, kill yourself. - Susanna. 295 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:50,760 What? 296 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,280 Let's not talk about this anymore, okay? 297 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,720 Why? 298 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,520 Because it's... 299 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,000 stupid. 300 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:12,840 What? 301 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,200 What are you doing? 302 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,400 What? 'Cause I don't want to kill myself? That's not cool to you? 303 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,440 I don't want to die. I was just talking. 304 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,560 Look, the world is fucked up, okay? 305 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,600 It's so fucked up that if some draft zombie... 306 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,760 pulls my birthday out of a barrel, I'm gonna die. 307 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,200 When's your birthday? 308 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,000 December 30. 309 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,360 I'll pray for you. 310 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:50,760 Checks. 311 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,520 You asked for this? 312 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,040 Are you going to watch? 313 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,560 Afraid so. 314 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,480 That's why there's so many fuzzy-legged women around here. 315 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,240 Has anybody ever watched you shave your legs? 316 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,000 I got two kids and one bathroom. What do you think? 317 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,080 I think you should lock the door. 318 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,120 September 14. 319 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,200 Bingo. 320 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,760 - Bingo, bingo. - "December 30." 321 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,600 Oh, my God. 322 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,520 A guy I know was just drafted. 323 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:17,640 What's his name? 324 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,080 Toby. 325 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,840 He's dead now. 326 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,480 Get out, Lisa! 327 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,880 I'm not in your room, Daisy. I'm right fucking here. 328 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,480 - Do you want some of my nail polish? - Get out! 329 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,920 - You're looking better, Lisa. - Thanks, Margie. 330 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:44,880 - How's the engagement going? - Well, you know. 331 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,680 No, I don't. I've been away. 332 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,280 Joe wants me to... Before the wedding. 333 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,960 Fuck his brains out. Use a rubber. 334 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,840 Gosh, hell, no. 335 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,160 Can I bum one? 336 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:19,520 Go ahead. 337 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,480 So, have you had your first Melvin yet? 338 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,760 Who's that? 339 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,400 Bald guy with a little pecker and a fat wife. 340 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,000 Your "ther-rapist," sweet pea. 341 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:53,880 Unless... 342 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,280 they're giving you shocks. 343 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,400 Or, God forbid, letting you out. 344 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,280 Then you get to see the great, wonderful Dr. Dyke. 345 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:02,880 She means Dr. Wick. 346 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,480 I've been in his office, but I haven't met him yet. 347 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,800 He's a she. Dr. Wick's a girl. 348 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,320 That's right, M.G. Wick's a chick. 349 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,240 - Lisa! - Hence the nickname. 350 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,680 Hey, Lil. When the fuck is my checkup? 351 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,840 It's now, Lisa. You said you'd be in your room. 352 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,440 Can't let you sit too long without popping the hood. 353 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,160 Asshole. 354 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,400 Susanna, you have Melvin in half an hour. I'll take you there. 355 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,800 I'm sorry. 356 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,720 Why are you using the past tense? 357 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,600 What do you mean? 358 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,800 Well, he was only drafted today... 359 00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:00,440 so chances are he's not dead yet. 360 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,760 Probably has several months... 361 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:05,880 before he even reports. 362 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,280 He was just a nice guy, that's all. 363 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,160 And it made me feel bad. 364 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,080 You've been feeling bad in general. 365 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,400 Right? You've been feeling depressed. 366 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,520 I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, Melvin. 367 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,960 I understand you tried to kill yourself last week. 368 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,960 Anything you want to tell me about that? 369 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,080 I had a headache. 370 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:37,000 So I assume you took the recommended aspirin dosage for a headache. 371 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,120 I didn't try to kill myself. 372 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,080 - What were you trying to do? - I was trying to make the shit stop. 373 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,640 The time jumps, the depression... 374 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,720 the headaches, the thing with your hand? 375 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,960 All of the above. 376 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,640 I see. 377 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,360 What is it? Are you puzzled about something? 378 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,920 Yeah. I guess I am, Melvin. 379 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,520 I guess I'm puzzled as to why it is I have to be in a mental institution. 380 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,560 - You put yourself here. - My parents put me here. 381 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:26,360 No, they didn't. 382 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,080 Everyone here's fucking crazy! 383 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,160 You want to go home. 384 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,480 Same problem. 385 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,680 M.G., look at me. 386 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,320 Play with me. 387 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,760 Don't be sad. 388 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,080 - Lisa. - Yeah. 389 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:55,800 Thank you. 390 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,000 - Oh. What are these? - Colace. It's just a laxative. 391 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,960 I don't need them. 392 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,880 Are we going to have a problem? 393 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,920 May I see? Thank you. 394 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,000 Surrender. 395 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,960 Are we going to have a problem? 396 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,520 No? No problem. 397 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,000 Phone call, booth one. 398 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,720 Hold on. 399 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,560 - Hi, Mom. - "Hi, honey. Your father's on too. " 400 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,480 He just got back from reserve hearings. His plane got stuck at Dulles. 401 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,240 - "How're you doing, honey? " - I'm fine, Dad. 402 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,960 - "You know, sweetheart"... - Oh, God! 403 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,080 Valerie, please. 404 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,760 If you can't give me any Ex-Lax, can I please have some Colace? 405 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,200 No. No more laxatives. 406 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:26,400 - Margie? - I can get her some prune juice. 407 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,040 Prune juice! 408 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,360 This is outrageous. 409 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,520 She was wondering whether you'd made new friends, and I said... 410 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,440 "No, Mom. This isn't Camp Winnetka. " 411 00:34:40,720 --> 00:34:42,560 - Daisy? - Fuck off. 412 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,960 I have something you want. 413 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,680 Come in. 414 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,000 - You're all packed up. - I'm leaving in a month. 415 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,920 My dad got me an apartment. 416 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,800 - Really? Where? - It's near the airport. 417 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:38,040 One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken. He fixed it up real nice for me. 418 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:42,520 - You mean "eat-in kitchen." - That's what I said, asshole. 419 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,640 So what do you have that I want? 420 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,280 - Put it on the bed and get out. - Put yours on the bed. 421 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,880 Oh, Jesus. Get out! Get out! 422 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,400 Don't take advantage just because she's new. 423 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,680 - Pony up some Valium. - Get the fuck out... 424 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,640 or I'm calling Valerie! 425 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,760 Why don't you call Valerie? 426 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,920 Let's ask her for some Colace just like Susie Q's got in her hand. 427 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,840 Why does it stink in here? 428 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,720 - I don't take Valium. - I know. That's the point. 429 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,560 They give them to you, and you don't take them. 430 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,680 Are you going to eat that or... 431 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,760 Checks. You've got visitors, Daisy. 432 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,760 I want some fucking Colace. 433 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:26,680 Talk to Melvin tomorrow. 434 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,640 You know what I think? I think you want to poop. 435 00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:43,560 I think it's been days. 436 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,160 - It's okay. I don't care. - I do care! 437 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,400 So Daddy buys you a private and no one gets in. 438 00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:00,720 You never leave except for when Valerie makes you go to the cafeteria... 439 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,360 where you never eat. 440 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,800 You're a laxative junkie, so... 441 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,560 I always thought you were likeJanet but here you are with this chicken. 442 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,080 So what's with that, huh? 443 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,000 My dad owns a deli, asshole, with a rotisserie. 444 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,040 I like my dad's chicken, and when I eat something else, I puke. 445 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,560 But why do you eat it here? Why don't you like to go to the cafeteria? 446 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,720 Which do you like better? 447 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,040 Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching? 448 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:32,040 Alone. 449 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,480 Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. 450 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,480 I like to be alone when it goes in. 451 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:42,840 To me, the cafeteria is like being with 20 girls all at once taking a dump. 452 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,840 That is fucked up, Daisy. 453 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,240 Come on. 454 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:55,120 All right, assholes! 455 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,440 Fine. Here. 456 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,880 Lisa, don't! No, please! 457 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,720 "Dios" fucking "mio. " 458 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,400 I guess that's how Daddy knows she's eating. 459 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,840 When I get five, Valerie makes me throw them away. 460 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,160 Scribble, scribble, scribble. 461 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,880 - Written anything about me yet? - Don't do that! 462 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,160 Is Daisy really getting out? 463 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,160 Yeah. 464 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:06,080 She coughed up a big one. 465 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:10,240 How can... I mean, she's insane. 466 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,360 That's what "ther-rape-me" is all about. 467 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,240 That's why fucking Freud's picture is on every shrink's wall. 468 00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:21,840 He created an industry. You lie down, you confess your secrets, you're saved. 469 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,840 The more you confess, the more they think about setting you free. 470 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,400 But what if you don't have a secret? 471 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,000 Then you're a lifer, like me. 472 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,040 I was changing her diaper... 473 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,920 and I turned to get the powder... 474 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,560 and while my back was turned, she rolled off the bed. 475 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,120 She rolled off the bed and broke her leg. 476 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,920 The doctor put her in a body cast, but he also strapped her down. 477 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,320 - This has nothing to do... - You never told me this. 478 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,560 Carl had been planning this trip to Santa Monica... 479 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:01,920 but he had a commitment with RAND, so we took her with us. 480 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,720 On the back seat, strapped to this board, 4,000 miles. 481 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:09,440 If you like, Mrs. Kaysen, we can discuss this further... 482 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,920 on the way out... 483 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,880 Just how long is my daughter going to be here? 484 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,800 With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen... 485 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:21,160 psychiatry and economics are different. 486 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:24,400 The length of Susanna's stay isn't fixed. 487 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,400 It depends on her response to treatment. 488 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,160 For what? Depression? It's almost Christmas. 489 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,080 What are we supposed to say to the people back home who care about her? 490 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,800 You see, Melvin, what's going on here"... " 491 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,960 is my parents are having a little holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis. 492 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,800 - Susanna. - What? 493 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,360 What is this borderline business you mentioned on the phone? 494 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,840 Look... 495 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,800 I don't think that's useful to Susanna. 496 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,160 - I mean, not... - What "borderline business"? 497 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,200 - You see, the mind... - Borderline what? 498 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,600 Borderline between what and what? 499 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,640 It's a condition... 500 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:06,880 and it's called Borderline Personality Disorder. 501 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,040 Oh, God. 502 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:13,280 It's not uncommon, especially among young women. 503 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,200 What causes it? 504 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,800 We're really not sure. 505 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,000 - Is it genetic? - Oh, Christ! 506 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,360 It is five times more common... 507 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,800 among those with a borderline... 508 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:28,920 parent. 509 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,080 I can't do this. 510 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,680 I'm sorry. I can't... I can't do this. 511 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,760 " Razors pain you, rivers are damp... 512 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,680 acid stains you, drugs cause cramp... 513 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,800 guns aren't lawful, nooses give... 514 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:59,160 gas smells awful, you might as well live." 515 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,760 Gin. 516 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,520 - Asshole. - Fatso. 517 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,440 John. Call me a cab. 518 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,320 Okay, you're a cab. 519 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,000 Lisa said you got into Daisy's room... 520 00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:35,320 and it was full of chickens. 521 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,800 Susanna, you have a phone call. 522 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,080 "So what's your "diag"-"nonsense"? " 523 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,920 - Who is this? - "What'd he say to Mom and Pop? " 524 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,880 I have a borderline personality. 525 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,560 - That's nothing. What else? - "He didn't want to say. " 526 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,800 He thought it would affect my recovery. 527 00:43:04,720 --> 00:43:06,560 Listen, tongue your meds tonight. 528 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,520 After 1:00 checks, Gretta always goes out for a smoke. 529 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,120 Check the mirrors, and if they're clear, you go down to Hector's closet. 530 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,600 It's near the art room, and it will be open. 531 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,600 Torch! 532 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:35,800 Come on. 533 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,440 This is how Lisa gets out when she escapes. 534 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,600 We're under administration so, no good here. 535 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,000 Good thing this place works on a sliding scale. 536 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,080 We get to mingle with the lock-picking trash. 537 00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,600 Susanna, you're up. 538 00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:43,800 I've only done this once in my life. 539 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:05,720 All right! 540 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,320 When they built this place, they put the tunnels in... 541 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,080 so the loons didn't have to go anywhere in the cold. 542 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,080 I must have missed that in the brochure. 543 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,880 Hey, open this door. 544 00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:04,200 What the fuck are you doing? 545 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,840 Wow. Dr. Wick's office. 546 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,400 All right. Georgina Tuskin. 547 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:47,840 Susanna Kaysen. 548 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,600 Polly Clark. 549 00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,400 Cynthia Crowley. 550 00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,320 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 551 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,400 Janet Webber. 552 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,880 Lisa Rowe. 553 00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:40,920 Fuck you, Melvin. 554 00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,160 Want to see mine? 555 00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,000 Let me see yours. 556 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,120 " Highs and lows increasingly severe. 557 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,320 Controlling relationships with patients. 558 00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,520 No appreciable response to meds. 559 00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,880 No remission observed." 560 00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,160 That was before you ran away. 561 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,200 We are very rare, and we are mostly men. 562 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,120 Lisa thinks she's hot shit because she's a sociopath. 563 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,400 - I'm a sociopath. - No, you're a dyke. 564 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,560 " Borderline Personality Disorder. 565 00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:29,160 An instability of self-image, relationships and mood. 566 00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,080 Uncertainty about goals... 567 00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,440 impulsive in activities that are self-damaging... 568 00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,080 such as casual sex." 569 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,000 - I like that. - "Social contrariness... 570 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:43,440 and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed." 571 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:48,800 - That's me. - That's everybody. 572 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,480 I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual? 573 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,200 They mean promiscuous. 574 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,360 I'm not promiscuous. 575 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,440 I'm not. 576 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:20,600 Jesus. 577 00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:22,680 Look atJanet. 578 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,600 No, it's all right. 579 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:30,640 You know, taking us for ice creams in a blizzard... 580 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:33,360 makes you wonder who the real whack jobs are. 581 00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:35,280 I think it's kind of nice. 582 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,760 I think it's nice to do something nice on Daisy's last day. 583 00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:08,280 Fuck. 584 00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,720 - I'm going to have peppermint stick. - Me too. Can I have peppermint stick? 585 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:15,640 - Sure. - No, it's just called a peppermint. 586 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,080 - Peppermint dick! - Honestly. 587 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:19,520 Peppermint clit! 588 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:27,480 - We're just gonna have four cones. - Four cones. 589 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,800 - Susanna, do you want anything? - I'm fine. 590 00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:38,800 - Ronny. - Yes? 591 00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,360 - You got any hot fudge? - Yes. 592 00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:45,720 Yeah? Can I have a vanilla sundae with hot fudge... 593 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,960 and sprinkles? 594 00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:49,240 Rainbow, not chocolate. 595 00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,280 And... 596 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:57,400 whipped cream... 597 00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,320 cherries... 598 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:01,240 and... 599 00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:02,880 Nuts? 600 00:51:10,720 --> 00:51:12,360 Let's have a seat, ladies. 601 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,480 Melvin thought that I should live in a halfway house. 602 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:24,600 But my father knew that I deserved my own apartment. 603 00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,720 So he got me the prettiest apartment. 604 00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:29,080 It has an eat-in chicken... 605 00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:32,320 and all this beautiful wicker furniture and... 606 00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:34,840 Which is fantastic. Wicker butterflies. 607 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,160 My very favorite part... 608 00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,840 is like in the phone book. 609 00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,680 There's a sign right outside that says: 610 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,960 "If you lived here you'd be home now." 611 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:52,120 Do you remember me? You must remember me. 612 00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,320 - Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest, hi. - Susanna, are you okay? 613 00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,400 I'm fine. 614 00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:02,800 - Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe? - Wellesley. I'm enjoying it. 615 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,480 It's strong in art. I'm going to the Sorbonne this summer. 616 00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:09,000 - That's great. - You know, I know all about you. 617 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,800 And I hope they put you away forever. 618 00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:15,680 - Is this the professor's wife? - What professor? 619 00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,400 You told everybody. 620 00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:22,040 - Lady, back off. - Was I talking to you? 621 00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:24,960 No, you were spitting on me, so mellow fucking out. 622 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,040 - Don't you tell me what to do. - She gave your husband a rim job. 623 00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:29,640 Big fucking deal! 624 00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:32,760 I'm sure he was begging for it, and I heard it was like a pencil anyway. 625 00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:34,240 How dare you? 626 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:38,160 Some advice, okay? Don't point your fucking finger at crazy people! 627 00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:42,520 Let go of me. 628 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:47,000 - Mother. - Get that out of my face, asshole! 629 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,720 Let go! Now. 630 00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:54,520 Stop it! 631 00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,400 You shared a man with that woman? 632 00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:10,480 - Did you enjoy the fresh air, Lisa? - Yeah, I did, Val. Thanks. 633 00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,360 Good. Because it's the last time you're leaving the ward. 634 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,960 Is that a dare or a double dare? 635 00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,200 Okay. Raise your arms. 636 00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,880 Very good. We're going to be trees. 637 00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:28,320 Feel the strength in your arms as the branches... 638 00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:31,000 and reach those branches up to the sky. 639 00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:34,080 Come on, Susanna. Reach. Very good. 640 00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,920 Up. Lisa, all right. 641 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,880 Reach your arms, girls. Reach. Really lift. 642 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:41,840 Feel the stretch through the hip. 643 00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,280 Very good. Let your arms be branches. 644 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,800 Feel the strength of those branches. 645 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,960 Reach. Reach all the way up into the sky. 646 00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:51,880 Very good. 647 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,760 Let the wind blow the leaves, and let your fingers be the leaves. 648 00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:57,120 Good, M.G. 649 00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,920 Very good. Feel the wind. Good. Good, Lisa. 650 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,120 Very good. 651 00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:06,360 Just lift up. Lift up. Very good, girls. 652 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:09,040 Now feel your feet Feel your feet be rooted. 653 00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:11,560 Go down into a plie. Very good. 654 00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:14,120 Good, girls. Polly, very good. 655 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:17,880 Okay. Now stretch it. The wind's blowing really hard this way. This way. 656 00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,760 - It's blowing you over. - That is not fair! 657 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,040 Seventy-four is the perfect weight! 658 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,080 Good luck, crazy bitch. 659 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:34,760 Now what kind of tree can you be, Janet, down there on the floor? 660 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,160 I'm a fucking shrub, all right? 661 00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:20,200 I cannot fight back. You're used to it. It's so clear. 662 00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,200 Martin Luther King, Jr. Was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee. 663 00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:03,800 He was shot in the face as he stood alone on the balcony of his hotel room. 664 00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,840 Last night, he said this... 665 00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,880 I don't know what will happen now. 666 00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:12,520 We've got some difficult days ahead. 667 00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:15,320 But it really doesn't matter with me now... 668 00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,720 because I've been to the mountaintop. 669 00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:21,200 And I don't mind. 670 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,440 What are your other chores like? 671 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,920 Well, they call me mom "and mama and mommy and"... 672 00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:31,320 Susanna, you have a visitor. 673 00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:36,960 Well, how... What are you doing here? 674 00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:43,960 I ship out next week. 675 00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,080 Here. 676 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,560 Checks. 677 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,600 Sorry. 678 00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:11,440 No. It's okay. We have ten minutes till they come back. 679 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,240 What you doing? 680 00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:27,520 Nothing. 681 00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:32,320 Well, why don't you go to your room and do nothing, huh? 682 00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:43,120 Checks. 683 00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,160 - Hey, Margie. - Hey, Lisa. 684 00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,480 - What you doing? - Checks. 685 00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,600 - How's Joe? - He's fine. 686 00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:01,920 Yeah. 687 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,000 Lisa, I have to do my checks. 688 00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,320 Yeah, and taking five minutes from me would be a dereliction of duty? 689 00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,360 What would you do if I had punctured artery? 690 00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,760 You'd just go about your rounds, ignoring my wounds? 691 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,560 - Stop it. - Stop what? Look at this. 692 00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:18,360 - Go ahead. - That's enough. 693 00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:21,240 Take one fucking step, and I'll jam this in my aorta. Go ahead. 694 00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,520 - Stop it. - Lisa, your aorta is in your chest. 695 00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:27,880 Good to know. 696 00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,200 - I'll make a note of that. - Good. 697 00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:42,560 Susanna, you have grounds privileges. Why don't you take a walk? 698 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,760 Go get a cup of coffee. 699 00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:51,000 We should get out of here. 700 00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:09,720 - The cafeteria's this way. - Just keep walking. My wheels are here... 701 00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:11,760 Wait. What are we doing? 702 00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,280 We're going to Canada. 703 00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:22,960 Susanna, you're not crazy. 704 00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,360 Okay? You don't need to be here. 705 00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:29,920 I tried to kill myself, Toby. 706 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:34,760 - What, you took some aspirin... - I took a bottle of aspirin. 707 00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:40,240 And that buys you a year in this place? Susanna, that's bullshit, okay? 708 00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:41,480 They're breaking you. 709 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,800 Now come on, all right? Everything's changing, man. 710 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,200 What the fuck do they know about being normal? 711 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:51,640 I have friends in here. 712 00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:55,360 Who? Them? 713 00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:57,720 Those girls... Susanna. 714 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:02,440 They're eating grapes off of the wallpaper. 715 01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,120 Okay? They're insane. 716 01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:07,720 If they are, I am. 717 01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,480 Baby, listen. Come with me. 718 01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:21,760 Look, my dad gave me five grand. 719 01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:26,240 Okay? We can go up there. We can build a cabin in the woods. 720 01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:31,200 Susanna, look. I know that this sounds crazy... 721 01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:35,360 but I think I love you. 722 01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,720 So come with me, okay? 723 01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,080 Come with me. 724 01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:54,480 - You wanna leave, don't you? I mean... - Yes. 725 01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:56,440 I wanna leave... 726 01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,880 but not with you. 727 01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,400 Not with you. 728 01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:10,560 I'm sorry. 729 01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,240 Susanna, wait a second. 730 01:01:57,800 --> 01:01:59,640 Why did you do that? 731 01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:05,720 Fix the lightbulb at night. 732 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,200 I'm not here in the morning... 733 01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:15,000 and that's when you like to draw your pictures and stuff, so... 734 01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:26,760 John? 735 01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:35,720 Why do you like me? 736 01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:40,280 I just like you. 737 01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:43,200 That's all. 738 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,840 I wish you were getting better, though. 739 01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:52,600 I would take you out to go see a movie... 740 01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:54,040 or something. 741 01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:58,440 That'd be nice. 742 01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,880 No! My face! 743 01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:06,960 I'm okay! 744 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,760 Just step... Let her be. She's fine. 745 01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:13,560 Polly. Seclusion. Take her to seclusion. Come on. 746 01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,560 - I got you. - Come on. 747 01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:19,720 What happened to my face? My face. Why? 748 01:03:24,160 --> 01:03:28,520 Quieten down. You're all right. 749 01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:30,000 - My face! - You're all right. 750 01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:32,920 I'm ugly! My face! 751 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:51,800 And the important thing is... 752 01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:55,680 that Disney World is located just a few miles from the crossing point... 753 01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:57,600 "of Interstate 4 at"... 754 01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,120 What happened to Polly? 755 01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,360 What needs to happen? No one's ever gonna kiss her. 756 01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:11,600 Look. They're building a new Disneyland in Florida. 757 01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:14,520 If I could have any job in the world, I'd be a professional Cinderella. 758 01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:19,320 You could be Snow White, and Polly could be Minnie Mouse. 759 01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:22,280 And then everyone would hug her and kiss her and love her... 760 01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:25,400 and no one would know what's inside that big giant head, you know? 761 01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:28,840 Give me your keys. 762 01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:43,960 My face! 763 01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,960 - It's Susanna. - Just play something. 764 01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,520 If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now. 765 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:03,960 Come on. 766 01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:27,360 When you're alone and life is making you lonely 767 01:05:27,440 --> 01:05:32,600 You can always go downtown 768 01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:44,560 When you've got worries All the noise and the hurry 769 01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:48,120 Seems to help I know 770 01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:55,960 Downtown 771 01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:03,360 Just listen to the music in the traffic in the city 772 01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:07,760 Linger on the sidewalks where the neon lights are pretty 773 01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,280 How can you lose 774 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,160 The lights are much brighter there 775 01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:20,000 You can forget all your troubles Forget all your cares and go 776 01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,000 - "Downtown" - Back to your room, please. 777 01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:25,880 - "Things'll be great when you're downtown" - Please. Back in your room. 778 01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:28,280 - "Everything's waiting for you" - McWilley will wake up. 779 01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:31,960 - "Just listen to the rhythm" - Give me the guitar. 780 01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:35,200 - You're gonna get me fired. Lisa. - "You'll be dancing with him too" 781 01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:36,960 Before the night is over 782 01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:40,200 - Susanna, give me the guitar. - "Happy again" 783 01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:44,600 - Oh, yeah. - It's okay. Come here. 784 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:47,040 You're gonna get me fired, you know that? 785 01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:00,320 Downtown 786 01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:05,080 Everything's great 787 01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:09,000 When you're downtown 788 01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:35,960 I'm writing you up. 789 01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,000 I am sick of this bullshit. 790 01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,320 Is she here? 791 01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:47,280 You can go in now. 792 01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:56,760 - What did she do? - They drugged Nurse McWilley. 793 01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:04,240 Good morning, Susanna. 794 01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:06,400 - Good morning. - How are you? 795 01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:10,560 I'm fine, I guess. 796 01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:13,480 Sit down. 797 01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:23,880 You look tired. 798 01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:30,760 Polly freaked out last night, and we stayed up singing to her... Lisa and I. 799 01:08:32,440 --> 01:08:35,000 Have you become friends with Lisa? 800 01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:39,720 - Why? Is that bad? - Does it feel bad? 801 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:45,280 Before you came here, did you have many girlfriends? 802 01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:46,720 Not really. 803 01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:50,760 Would you say that, before you came here... 804 01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:54,680 your friends consisted mainly of boys, of men? 805 01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,520 Does it say in there that I'm promiscuous? 806 01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:00,960 Why do you choose that word? 807 01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:02,880 How many guys would I have to sleep with... 808 01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:06,040 to be considered promiscuous... textbook promiscuous? 809 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:11,800 - What do you think? - Ten. Eight. Five. 810 01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:16,720 And how many girls would a guy my age have to sleep with to be promiscuous? 811 01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:18,840 Ten? Twenty? A hundred and nine? 812 01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:20,840 Someone who's impulsively promiscuous... 813 01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:24,320 might engage in a sex act with a guest in their room... 814 01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:26,520 and then engage in another sex act... 815 01:09:26,560 --> 01:09:29,040 during the same day with an orderly. 816 01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:38,200 Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly or giving my boyfriend a blow job? 817 01:09:40,160 --> 01:09:45,520 Melvin says you have some very interesting theories about your illness. 818 01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:50,520 You believe there is a mystical undertow in life. 819 01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:54,040 "Quicksands of shadows." 820 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:58,200 And another one of my theories is that you people don't know what you're doing. 821 01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:01,280 Still you acknowledge there is a problem coping with this quicksand. 822 01:10:01,360 --> 01:10:05,200 I have a problem coping with this hospital. I wanna leave. 823 01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:08,280 I can't do that. 824 01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:11,040 I signed myself in. I should be able to sign myself out. 825 01:10:11,120 --> 01:10:14,560 You signed yourself into our care. We decide when you leave. 826 01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:16,640 You're not ready for it, Susanna. 827 01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,800 Your progress has plateaued. 828 01:10:21,280 --> 01:10:25,560 - Does that disappoint you? - I'm ambivalent. 829 01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:28,440 In fact, that's my new favorite word. 830 01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:31,000 Do you know what that means, ambivalence? 831 01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:34,600 - I don't care. - If it's your favorite word, I would... 832 01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:37,400 It means "I don't care." That's what it means. 833 01:10:37,440 --> 01:10:40,160 On the contrary, Susanna... 834 01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:45,120 ambivalence suggests strong feelings in opposition. 835 01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:49,720 The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." 836 01:10:50,760 --> 01:10:54,040 The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." 837 01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:57,560 The word suggests that you are torn... 838 01:10:57,640 --> 01:11:00,440 between two opposing courses of action. 839 01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:06,280 Will I stay or will I go? 840 01:11:06,360 --> 01:11:09,680 Am I sane or am I crazy? 841 01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:11,640 Those aren't courses of action. 842 01:11:12,240 --> 01:11:15,840 They can be, dear, for some. 843 01:11:15,920 --> 01:11:18,040 Well, then, it's the wrong word. 844 01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,880 No. I think it's perfect. 845 01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:38,080 "What world is this? 846 01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:39,840 What kingdom? 847 01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:43,320 What shores of what worlds?" 848 01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:48,640 It's a very big question you're faced with, Susanna. 849 01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:53,240 The choice of your life. 850 01:11:53,320 --> 01:11:56,440 How much will you indulge in your flaws? 851 01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:01,360 What are your flaws? Are they flaws? 852 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:06,560 If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to hospital for life? 853 01:12:07,800 --> 01:12:10,720 Big questions. Big decisions. 854 01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:15,760 Not surprising you profess carelessness about them. 855 01:12:23,120 --> 01:12:25,160 Is that it? 856 01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:28,600 For now. 857 01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:38,480 This way, Susanna. 858 01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:54,400 John was moved to the men's ward... 859 01:12:56,440 --> 01:12:59,440 and Lisa never came back from Dr. Wick's office. 860 01:13:26,480 --> 01:13:29,080 We live in a time of doubt. 861 01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:33,320 The institutions we once trusted no longer seem reliable. 862 01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:37,240 - "End the war now! " - "We are rich but our system"... 863 01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:41,080 Daisy sent us a postcard all about her new apartment. 864 01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:43,480 She got a pussycat. 865 01:13:44,480 --> 01:13:46,520 Where's Lisa? 866 01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:49,800 You know where she is. 867 01:13:50,720 --> 01:13:53,080 They just put her in another ward. 868 01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,000 I think you need to get up. 869 01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:10,480 I'm just going to rest for a while. Just a little while. 870 01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:19,480 What do you want? What are you doing? 871 01:14:22,680 --> 01:14:25,560 Fuck! You st... 872 01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:27,960 Sorry. Too cold? 873 01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:32,120 What the fuck are you doing? Get me the fuck out of this tub! 874 01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:33,400 Get yourself out. 875 01:14:33,480 --> 01:14:38,320 Where's Lisa? Where the fuck is Lisa? 876 01:14:38,400 --> 01:14:40,760 What's the matter? Can't hack it without her? 877 01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:45,760 You banish her for singing to Polly? We were trying to help her. 878 01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:50,360 We were trying to help her! This place is a Fascist torture chamber! 879 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:55,560 See, I worked in state hospitals. This place is a five-star hotel. 880 01:14:57,440 --> 01:14:59,320 Oh, Lordy, pick a bale of cotton 881 01:14:59,360 --> 01:15:02,720 - "Oh, Lordy, pick a bale"... - I can take a lot of crazy shit... 882 01:15:02,800 --> 01:15:06,040 from a lot of crazy people, but you... 883 01:15:06,120 --> 01:15:08,080 you are not crazy. 884 01:15:08,160 --> 01:15:12,960 Then what's wrong with me, huh? What the fuck's going on inside my head? 885 01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:15,680 Tell me, Dr. Val. What's your diag-nonsense? 886 01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:19,960 You are a lazy, self-indulgent little girl... 887 01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,760 who is driving herself crazy. 888 01:15:25,520 --> 01:15:29,440 Oh, is that your own medical opinion, huh? 889 01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:32,960 Is that what you've learned in your advanced studies at night school... 890 01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:35,320 for Negro welfare mothers? 891 01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:39,120 I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue, Wick is a psycho... 892 01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:41,560 and you, you pretend you're a doctor. 893 01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:43,840 You sign the charts, and you dole out meds. 894 01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:46,000 But youse ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie. 895 01:15:46,040 --> 01:15:48,400 Youse ain't nothing but a black nursemaid. 896 01:15:51,920 --> 01:15:53,840 And you're just throwing it away. 897 01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:22,200 You still wanna go to Florida? 898 01:16:23,920 --> 01:16:26,880 Lisa, we need money, don't we? 899 01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:29,720 - You've been tonguing your meds, right? - Yeah, but I only have... 900 01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:32,240 They gave me shocks again. 901 01:16:32,280 --> 01:16:34,240 All right, Jamie? I have to get out of here. 902 01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:38,520 I'm Susanna. 903 01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:01,640 What are we doing? 904 01:17:04,440 --> 01:17:06,320 What is it? 905 01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:10,920 " Dear sir, please give Daisy Randone assistance... 906 01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,440 installing a telephone at 23 Vicar Street." 907 01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:16,520 I thought we were going to Florida. 908 01:17:16,600 --> 01:17:19,440 We are. We just need a place to crash till we get plane tickets. 909 01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:22,960 Come on. 910 01:17:33,560 --> 01:17:34,920 Nice coat. 911 01:18:37,080 --> 01:18:38,480 What? 912 01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:42,160 You don't want me, Tony. 913 01:18:42,200 --> 01:18:44,360 Yes, I do, baby. 914 01:18:44,440 --> 01:18:47,040 No, you don't. I'm a crazy girl. 915 01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:49,440 You're crazy, so we can't have one night of bliss? 916 01:18:49,520 --> 01:18:52,680 I am a crazy girl. Seriously. 917 01:18:53,960 --> 01:18:56,400 - You've been in a hospital? - Yes. 918 01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,160 Do you see purple people? 919 01:19:05,720 --> 01:19:08,040 My friend. He saw purple people. 920 01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:11,160 And so the state came and took him away. 921 01:19:12,480 --> 01:19:14,440 He didn't like that. 922 01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:19,760 Some time went by, and he told them he didn't see purple people no more. 923 01:19:19,840 --> 01:19:21,320 He got better. 924 01:19:22,120 --> 01:19:24,840 No. He still sees them. 925 01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:30,200 - Come on. We gotta split. - Hey, somebody stop her! 926 01:19:30,280 --> 01:19:33,480 She took my fucking wallet! 927 01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:45,560 Identify yourself. 928 01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:49,120 It's Susanna and... It's Susanna. 929 01:19:49,200 --> 01:19:51,000 Daisy? 930 01:19:56,920 --> 01:20:00,240 - You got Valium? - Yeah. 931 01:20:12,880 --> 01:20:14,920 Oh, wow. Cool pad. 932 01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:18,760 Peace, man. Peace. 933 01:20:18,840 --> 01:20:22,240 Come on. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I was a drag. That's for you. 934 01:20:31,440 --> 01:20:32,800 That's Ruby. 935 01:20:33,840 --> 01:20:36,440 My dad bought her for me. 936 01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:40,760 This is the Castro Convertible. 937 01:20:40,800 --> 01:20:43,200 - It pulls out. - Yeah. 938 01:20:43,280 --> 01:20:44,760 - Where's the bathroom? - Right there. 939 01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:52,160 - You don't have a tub. - No, I don't. 940 01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:54,840 - What about upstairs? - No. 941 01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:56,760 Yeah. Okay. 942 01:20:56,840 --> 01:21:00,240 So, what, did you two escape or what? 943 01:21:00,280 --> 01:21:02,800 Actually, we're going to Florida. 944 01:21:02,840 --> 01:21:05,960 All you have is mustard and your chickens. 945 01:21:06,040 --> 01:21:09,800 So, what are you girls going to do in Florida? 946 01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:13,680 I'm going to be the new Cinderella at Walt Disney's new theme park. 947 01:21:14,680 --> 01:21:17,040 Susanna's gonna be Snow White. 948 01:21:17,080 --> 01:21:19,600 You can come if you want. 949 01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:22,160 You can be the cocker spaniel that eats spaghetti. 950 01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:25,880 I wanna make pancakes. 951 01:21:25,920 --> 01:21:27,920 I'm tired. I wanna go to bed. 952 01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:30,360 In the morning. I want to make pancakes in the morning. 953 01:21:30,440 --> 01:21:32,120 There's a market on the corner. 954 01:21:32,160 --> 01:21:34,600 Pans are under the sink. 955 01:21:34,680 --> 01:21:36,520 Silver's in that drawer. 956 01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:41,440 Do you have any money? 957 01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:45,080 Do you have some sort of a safety net down there? 958 01:21:47,120 --> 01:21:49,880 People you know down there in Florida? 959 01:21:49,960 --> 01:21:52,760 Relatives? 960 01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:55,480 Friends? Anything? 961 01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:58,720 Yeah. 962 01:22:05,800 --> 01:22:11,000 This is for your pancakes. Don't make a lot of noise in the morning. 963 01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:15,640 I like to sleep late. 964 01:22:15,680 --> 01:22:17,920 I'll come down when I'm ready. 965 01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:47,560 Give me the Valium. 966 01:22:48,600 --> 01:22:50,600 We don't need your daddy's money. 967 01:22:50,680 --> 01:22:53,040 Then leave it there. 968 01:22:53,120 --> 01:22:55,320 Just give me the fucking Valium. 969 01:23:01,760 --> 01:23:04,120 - What's this, huh? What's this? - Let go. 970 01:23:04,160 --> 01:23:07,680 - Trying out your new silver? - Get the fuck off me. 971 01:23:07,760 --> 01:23:10,160 - Less appealing for Daddy? - Lisa. 972 01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:14,520 - Look at your own arm, asshole. - I'm sick, Daisy. We know that. 973 01:23:14,560 --> 01:23:16,920 But you're in so-called "recovery" playing Betty Crocker... 974 01:23:16,960 --> 01:23:18,880 cut up like a goddamn Virginia ham. 975 01:23:18,960 --> 01:23:21,560 Just stop it, okay? 976 01:23:21,640 --> 01:23:24,960 Help me understand, Dais... 977 01:23:25,040 --> 01:23:26,880 'cause I thought you didn't do Valium. 978 01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:29,200 Tell me how this safety net is working for you. 979 01:23:29,240 --> 01:23:32,840 Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin... 980 01:23:32,920 --> 01:23:36,600 and pray for the courage to press down. 981 01:23:37,880 --> 01:23:42,160 Tell me how your daddy helps you cope with that. 982 01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:44,160 Illuminate me. 983 01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:48,760 My father loves me. 984 01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:55,480 I bet, with every inch of his manhood. 985 01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:57,880 Oh, God. 986 01:24:01,520 --> 01:24:03,360 I'm going to sleep now. 987 01:24:12,280 --> 01:24:14,120 Please be gone in the morning. 988 01:24:16,680 --> 01:24:19,200 You're just jealous, Lisa... 989 01:24:20,440 --> 01:24:22,480 because I got better... 990 01:24:23,240 --> 01:24:26,000 because I was released... 991 01:24:26,040 --> 01:24:28,000 because I have a chance... 992 01:24:29,920 --> 01:24:31,640 at a life. 993 01:24:33,280 --> 01:24:36,040 They didn't release you because you're better, Daisy. 994 01:24:36,120 --> 01:24:37,960 They just gave up. 995 01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:40,920 You call this a life, hmm? 996 01:24:40,960 --> 01:24:45,480 Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knickknacks... 997 01:24:45,560 --> 01:24:48,880 and eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize heifer? 998 01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:52,520 You changed the scenery but not the fucking situation... 999 01:24:52,600 --> 01:24:55,000 and the warden makes house calls. 1000 01:24:55,080 --> 01:24:57,520 And everybody knows... 1001 01:24:57,600 --> 01:25:00,120 everybody knows that he fucks you. 1002 01:25:01,840 --> 01:25:06,040 What they don't know is that you like it. 1003 01:25:07,480 --> 01:25:10,440 - Hmm? You like it. - Shut the fuck up! 1004 01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:13,000 Hey, man. It's cool. It's okay. 1005 01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,800 It's fine. It's fucking fine. A man is a dick... 1006 01:25:15,840 --> 01:25:18,160 is a man is a dick is a chicken... 1007 01:25:18,200 --> 01:25:22,080 is a dad, a Valium, a speculum, whatever. 1008 01:25:22,160 --> 01:25:24,560 Hmm? Whatever. 1009 01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:28,040 You like being Mrs. Randone. 1010 01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:31,760 Probably all you've ever known, huh? 1011 01:25:35,080 --> 01:25:37,240 Have fun in Florida. 1012 01:27:24,160 --> 01:27:26,160 Has she come down yet? 1013 01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:32,320 But she's been playing that shit all morning! 1014 01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:10,520 Oh, my God! 1015 01:29:21,520 --> 01:29:23,520 What an idiot. 1016 01:29:31,800 --> 01:29:35,520 - Yes. I need an ambulance. - Make it a hearse. 1017 01:29:36,800 --> 01:29:40,600 Daisy Randone. I think she killed herself. 1018 01:29:42,720 --> 01:29:46,960 23 Vicar Street. Yes. Please hurry. 1019 01:29:58,200 --> 01:30:01,440 You pressed her buttons. Now you're taking her money. 1020 01:30:02,800 --> 01:30:05,520 Please. I didn't press shit. She was waiting for an excuse. 1021 01:30:05,560 --> 01:30:08,440 Come on. Pack up. We have to go, all right? 1022 01:30:08,520 --> 01:30:11,240 We have to go. Now we have money. 1023 01:30:15,040 --> 01:30:16,920 Susanna, don't be stupid. 1024 01:30:20,320 --> 01:30:22,640 All right. Fine. Be stupid. 1025 01:32:30,360 --> 01:32:33,680 We should send someone for a litter box. 1026 01:33:01,480 --> 01:33:03,880 Can I pet the kitty? 1027 01:33:06,040 --> 01:33:08,000 Yeah. Be careful. 1028 01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:13,560 Hello, puddycat. 1029 01:33:13,640 --> 01:33:15,000 Kitty! 1030 01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:18,280 You're so cute. 1031 01:33:29,560 --> 01:33:30,960 Checks. 1032 01:33:33,000 --> 01:33:34,360 Where's Georgina? 1033 01:33:35,600 --> 01:33:37,440 She's staying with Polly tonight. 1034 01:33:38,480 --> 01:33:41,040 They're playing with your cat. 1035 01:33:44,400 --> 01:33:46,240 Did they find Lisa? 1036 01:34:06,680 --> 01:34:08,720 I couldn't stand up to her. 1037 01:34:13,400 --> 01:34:16,080 A decent person would have done something. 1038 01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:20,880 Shut her up. 1039 01:34:24,600 --> 01:34:25,960 Gone upstairs. 1040 01:34:27,160 --> 01:34:29,040 Talked to Daisy. 1041 01:34:31,800 --> 01:34:34,040 Melvin said you went upstairs. 1042 01:34:36,200 --> 01:34:37,560 Too late. 1043 01:34:40,160 --> 01:34:42,040 What would you have said to her? 1044 01:34:44,160 --> 01:34:46,040 I don't know. 1045 01:34:47,640 --> 01:34:49,480 That I was sorry. 1046 01:34:54,800 --> 01:34:57,200 That I'll never know what it was like to be her. 1047 01:35:01,800 --> 01:35:04,960 But I know what it's like to want to die. 1048 01:35:09,520 --> 01:35:11,560 How it hurts to smile. 1049 01:35:13,880 --> 01:35:16,760 How you try to fit in, but you can't. 1050 01:35:18,680 --> 01:35:22,040 How you hurt yourself on the outside... 1051 01:35:22,120 --> 01:35:24,320 to try to kill the thing on the inside. 1052 01:35:27,200 --> 01:35:31,960 Susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this... 1053 01:35:32,920 --> 01:35:36,320 but you've got to tell some of this to your doctors. 1054 01:35:42,480 --> 01:35:47,240 How the hell am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease? 1055 01:35:48,200 --> 01:35:50,720 But you do understand it. 1056 01:35:50,800 --> 01:35:54,160 You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. 1057 01:35:54,920 --> 01:35:58,040 But I think what you've got to do is put it down. 1058 01:35:58,080 --> 01:36:00,480 Put it away. Put it in your notebook. 1059 01:36:00,560 --> 01:36:02,640 But get it out of yourself. 1060 01:36:03,360 --> 01:36:06,600 Away, so you can't curl up with it anymore. 1061 01:36:13,680 --> 01:36:16,600 Lisa thinks it's a gift... 1062 01:36:18,760 --> 01:36:21,760 that it lets you see the truth. 1063 01:36:24,600 --> 01:36:27,080 Lisa's been here for eight years. 1064 01:36:35,040 --> 01:36:37,320 I'm so sorry. 1065 01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:41,600 - I was a pig. - It's all right. Listen. 1066 01:36:43,240 --> 01:36:47,720 Do not drop anchor here, understand? 1067 01:36:49,800 --> 01:36:51,160 Good. 1068 01:37:00,600 --> 01:37:02,480 When you don't want to feel... 1069 01:37:03,720 --> 01:37:05,560 death can seem like a dream. 1070 01:37:07,440 --> 01:37:10,200 "But seeing death"... 1071 01:37:10,240 --> 01:37:12,920 "really seeing it"... 1072 01:37:12,960 --> 01:37:16,360 makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. 1073 01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:21,560 Maybe there's a moment, growing up... 1074 01:37:21,640 --> 01:37:25,720 "when something peels back"... "maybe"... 1075 01:37:25,760 --> 01:37:28,320 We look for secrets because we can't believe our minds. 1076 01:37:28,400 --> 01:37:31,720 And though I missed Lisa, life was easier without her. 1077 01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:36,560 - "A thought is a hard thing to control. " - "Out in the real world"... 1078 01:37:36,640 --> 01:37:39,080 All I know is that I began to feel things again. 1079 01:37:39,160 --> 01:37:41,920 - "Crazy, sane, whatever I was... " - "Stupid, smart"... 1080 01:37:42,000 --> 01:37:44,880 I knew there was only one way back to the world... 1081 01:37:44,920 --> 01:37:48,480 and that was to use the place to talk. 1082 01:37:48,560 --> 01:37:52,200 - My tongue becomes this intrusion. - "So I saw the great Dr. Wick... " 1083 01:37:52,280 --> 01:37:53,840 three times a week... 1084 01:37:53,920 --> 01:37:56,640 and I let her hear every thought in my head. 1085 01:38:00,320 --> 01:38:04,040 Do you think maybe I have ESP or something, that I'm gifted? 1086 01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:06,440 Perhaps. 1087 01:38:18,200 --> 01:38:20,960 You think I can be home by Thanksgiving? 1088 01:38:24,720 --> 01:38:27,480 Nothing's happened in weeks, you know. 1089 01:38:27,520 --> 01:38:30,600 The point is control. 1090 01:38:30,680 --> 01:38:34,880 Yeah, and here I am, in control, off meds... 1091 01:38:34,960 --> 01:38:37,640 no headaches, sleeping sound. 1092 01:38:46,040 --> 01:38:48,480 Oh, will you help me? Can you help me? 1093 01:38:48,560 --> 01:38:50,480 You don't need to be helped any longer. 1094 01:38:50,560 --> 01:38:52,840 You've always had the power to go back to Kansas. 1095 01:38:53,600 --> 01:38:56,280 - "I have? " - "Then why didn't you tell her before? " 1096 01:38:56,360 --> 01:38:58,720 Because she wouldn't have believed me. 1097 01:38:58,800 --> 01:39:00,640 She had to learn it for herself. 1098 01:39:00,720 --> 01:39:02,560 What have you learned, Dorothy? 1099 01:39:03,320 --> 01:39:04,400 Well... 1100 01:39:07,080 --> 01:39:09,000 "I think that it"... 1101 01:39:09,080 --> 01:39:12,880 that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em... 1102 01:39:12,960 --> 01:39:17,560 and that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again... 1103 01:39:17,600 --> 01:39:20,960 I won't look any further than my own backyard... 1104 01:39:21,040 --> 01:39:23,920 because if it isn't there... 1105 01:39:24,000 --> 01:39:26,400 I never really lost it to begin with. 1106 01:39:26,480 --> 01:39:27,360 Right? 1107 01:39:49,720 --> 01:39:51,080 Thanks, Joe. 1108 01:40:51,160 --> 01:40:53,120 Go away. 1109 01:40:53,200 --> 01:40:54,560 Go away! 1110 01:41:00,920 --> 01:41:02,320 It's me. 1111 01:41:17,000 --> 01:41:19,560 It's been a while... 1112 01:41:20,600 --> 01:41:23,080 and I just wanted to say hey. 1113 01:41:27,120 --> 01:41:31,400 - You okay? - Fabulous. 1114 01:41:34,600 --> 01:41:36,960 You're gonna be late. Gretta's waiting for you. 1115 01:41:41,640 --> 01:41:44,000 I gotta go. Dr. Wick. 1116 01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:48,880 They still fucking with you? 1117 01:41:52,440 --> 01:41:54,720 They're, um... 1118 01:41:55,760 --> 01:41:58,080 Actually, they're letting me out. 1119 01:42:01,880 --> 01:42:03,760 Oh, that's great. 1120 01:42:06,800 --> 01:42:08,640 You better go. 1121 01:42:24,360 --> 01:42:28,720 Uh, well, my dad got me a job, a part-time job... 1122 01:42:28,760 --> 01:42:31,000 at a bookstore in Harvard Square. 1123 01:42:32,040 --> 01:42:35,080 And I got an apartment with a phone so I can... 1124 01:42:35,160 --> 01:42:37,280 Stay in touch. Uh-huh. 1125 01:42:37,360 --> 01:42:41,520 Yep. And I'll be seeing Sonia twice a week. 1126 01:42:41,560 --> 01:42:45,360 Is that your long-term plan... to work in retail? 1127 01:42:48,920 --> 01:42:51,280 My plan? No. 1128 01:42:51,360 --> 01:42:53,240 Then what do you plan to do? 1129 01:42:56,600 --> 01:42:58,080 I plan to write. 1130 01:43:05,440 --> 01:43:07,360 Polly Clark. 1131 01:43:08,120 --> 01:43:09,520 Cynthia Crowley. 1132 01:43:13,400 --> 01:43:15,480 Susanna Kaysen. 1133 01:43:17,800 --> 01:43:20,400 - You know, I don't think I need them. - Sleeping pills, darling. 1134 01:43:20,480 --> 01:43:23,960 You want to be rested for tomorrow, don't you? Last night's a long one. 1135 01:43:24,040 --> 01:43:26,160 Good girl. Katie Cooper. 1136 01:43:28,920 --> 01:43:30,360 RosemaryJones. 1137 01:43:32,760 --> 01:43:34,440 Teresa McCullian. 1138 01:43:42,920 --> 01:43:47,520 - Stuck. Garbage. - Relax. 1139 01:43:51,560 --> 01:43:54,160 - Come on - Come on. Open the door. 1140 01:43:54,240 --> 01:43:56,360 - Come on! - Leave me alone! 1141 01:43:59,640 --> 01:44:00,760 Get off! 1142 01:44:05,560 --> 01:44:07,600 - Come on! This way! - Stop it! 1143 01:44:14,400 --> 01:44:15,800 Get off me! 1144 01:44:56,280 --> 01:44:57,680 Ruby. 1145 01:45:37,000 --> 01:45:40,400 "If I spread my fingers, my hand looked more human... 1146 01:45:40,480 --> 01:45:42,080 so I did that. 1147 01:45:42,160 --> 01:45:44,800 But it was tiring holding my fingers apart, so I let them relax... 1148 01:45:44,880 --> 01:45:48,280 and then, I turned my hand over. 1149 01:45:48,360 --> 01:45:49,400 Oh, my God. 1150 01:45:49,480 --> 01:45:52,160 And the back of it wasn't much better. My veins bulged." 1151 01:45:56,720 --> 01:45:58,880 Shut up. I'm reading. Shut up! 1152 01:46:01,240 --> 01:46:05,920 "I can honestly say that my memory has been transformed. 1153 01:46:06,000 --> 01:46:09,080 So by Freud's definition, I have achieved mental health. 1154 01:46:09,160 --> 01:46:11,720 And my discharge sheet reads, 'recovered. ' 1155 01:46:12,480 --> 01:46:14,080 'Recovered."' 1156 01:46:16,520 --> 01:46:19,080 Don't do this! 1157 01:46:19,160 --> 01:46:21,080 "Whatever it was, I just didn't want it. 1158 01:46:21,160 --> 01:46:22,760 Find something new. 1159 01:46:22,840 --> 01:46:26,280 Had my personality... 1160 01:46:26,360 --> 01:46:29,280 Had I stopped arguing with my personality? 1161 01:46:30,600 --> 01:46:34,200 'Recovered."' We were just reading your book. 1162 01:46:34,280 --> 01:46:37,320 We figured since it's your last night, we'd have a little read-aloud. 1163 01:46:37,400 --> 01:46:39,560 Celebrate all the wisdom you're carrying into the world. 1164 01:46:39,640 --> 01:46:43,000 You know, try to learn something, grow as people. 1165 01:46:43,880 --> 01:46:47,240 We read how when you were a baby, they strapped you to a board. 1166 01:46:47,320 --> 01:46:49,520 And how you think Georgina doesn't want to leave and Polly never will... 1167 01:46:49,560 --> 01:46:51,120 and that I'm criminally insane. 1168 01:46:51,200 --> 01:46:53,800 What are you guys doing here? 1169 01:46:53,880 --> 01:46:57,560 " Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic, now just look empty." 1170 01:46:59,280 --> 01:47:01,840 That is mine. 1171 01:47:04,600 --> 01:47:08,600 "Georgina lies only to people who keep her here. 1172 01:47:08,680 --> 01:47:11,280 Sometimes I think she wants to live in Oz forever." 1173 01:47:11,360 --> 01:47:15,080 - How perceptive. - You better erase that thing... 1174 01:47:15,160 --> 01:47:17,200 'cause my father is the head of the CIA... 1175 01:47:17,240 --> 01:47:19,560 and he could have you dead in minutes! 1176 01:47:19,640 --> 01:47:21,600 - "In this world, looks are everything. - Oh, God. 1177 01:47:21,680 --> 01:47:25,360 Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness and purity aren't genuine at all... 1178 01:47:25,400 --> 01:47:28,480 but a desperate attempt to make it easier for us to look at her." 1179 01:47:28,560 --> 01:47:31,960 So nice of you to pass judgement on us now that you're cured. 1180 01:47:32,040 --> 01:47:34,480 What the fuck are you doing, Lisa? 1181 01:47:34,560 --> 01:47:37,280 I'm playing the villain, baby, just like you want. 1182 01:47:37,360 --> 01:47:39,880 - I try to give you everything you want. - No, you don't. 1183 01:47:41,440 --> 01:47:44,120 You wanted your file, I found your file! You wanted out, I got you out! 1184 01:47:44,200 --> 01:47:46,440 You needed money, I found you some! 1185 01:47:46,520 --> 01:47:49,840 I'm consistent! I told you the truth! I didn't write it in a book! 1186 01:47:49,920 --> 01:47:51,840 I told you to your face... 1187 01:47:51,920 --> 01:47:54,680 and I told Daisy to her face what everybody knew and wouldn't say... 1188 01:47:54,760 --> 01:47:56,240 and she killed herself. 1189 01:47:56,280 --> 01:47:59,200 And I played the fucking villain, just like you wanted. 1190 01:47:59,280 --> 01:48:00,800 Why would I want that? 1191 01:48:02,200 --> 01:48:05,440 Because it makes you the good guy, sweet pea. 1192 01:48:05,520 --> 01:48:08,760 And you come back here, all sweetness and light and sad and contrite... 1193 01:48:08,800 --> 01:48:13,320 and everybody sits, wringing their hands congratulating you and your bravery. 1194 01:48:13,400 --> 01:48:17,720 Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at a bus station for the money in her robe! 1195 01:48:18,760 --> 01:48:21,800 - Stop it, Lisa! - Shut up, Polly! 1196 01:48:23,880 --> 01:48:26,200 Where are you going? 1197 01:48:26,280 --> 01:48:30,560 - I'm talking. Where are you going? - Lisa, stop it, please! 1198 01:48:31,800 --> 01:48:34,600 Where are you going? I'm talking to you. 1199 01:48:38,960 --> 01:48:40,520 You don't like me anymore? 1200 01:48:40,600 --> 01:48:42,600 No, I don't! 1201 01:48:43,840 --> 01:48:45,920 - 'Cause you're free? - Shut up! 1202 01:48:46,000 --> 01:48:49,520 You think you're free? I'm free! 1203 01:48:49,600 --> 01:48:52,560 - You don't know what freedom is! - Please, Lisa! 1204 01:48:52,640 --> 01:48:54,680 I'm free! 1205 01:48:54,760 --> 01:48:56,880 I can breathe! 1206 01:48:56,960 --> 01:49:00,800 And you... you're gonna go choke on your average fucking mediocre life. 1207 01:49:12,880 --> 01:49:14,840 You know, there are too many buttons in the world. 1208 01:49:14,920 --> 01:49:17,240 There's too many buttons, and they're just... 1209 01:49:18,680 --> 01:49:21,240 There's way too many just begging to be pressed. 1210 01:49:21,320 --> 01:49:23,280 They're just begging to be pressed. 1211 01:49:23,360 --> 01:49:26,520 You know? They're just begging to be pressed. 1212 01:49:26,560 --> 01:49:28,760 And it makes me wonder. 1213 01:49:28,800 --> 01:49:30,680 You know, it really makes me fucking wonder... 1214 01:49:30,720 --> 01:49:32,600 why doesn't anybody ever press mine? 1215 01:49:32,640 --> 01:49:35,240 Why am I so neglected? Why doesn't anybody... 1216 01:49:35,320 --> 01:49:38,520 reach in, rip out the truth and tell me... 1217 01:49:38,560 --> 01:49:42,240 that I'm a fucking whore and that my parents wish I were dead? 1218 01:49:42,320 --> 01:49:45,360 Because you're dead already, Lisa! 1219 01:49:51,200 --> 01:49:54,400 No one cares if you die, Lisa... 1220 01:49:55,440 --> 01:49:58,680 because you're dead already. 1221 01:49:58,720 --> 01:50:01,560 Your heart is cold! 1222 01:50:04,600 --> 01:50:06,880 That's why you keep coming back here. 1223 01:50:08,440 --> 01:50:10,320 You're not free. 1224 01:50:11,320 --> 01:50:16,080 You need this place. You need it to feel alive. It's pathetic. 1225 01:50:21,280 --> 01:50:23,360 God. 1226 01:50:56,000 --> 01:50:58,640 I've wasted a year of my life. 1227 01:51:04,240 --> 01:51:06,800 And maybe everyone out there is a liar. 1228 01:51:10,400 --> 01:51:13,560 And maybe the whole world... 1229 01:51:13,600 --> 01:51:16,680 is stupid and ignorant. 1230 01:51:19,720 --> 01:51:21,640 But I'd rather be in it. 1231 01:51:23,920 --> 01:51:27,720 I'd rather be fucking in it... 1232 01:51:27,800 --> 01:51:29,680 than down here with you. 1233 01:51:48,160 --> 01:51:49,560 Don't. 1234 01:51:51,400 --> 01:51:53,240 Please don't. 1235 01:52:03,680 --> 01:52:05,160 Oh, God. 1236 01:52:48,120 --> 01:52:49,320 Did you get it? 1237 01:52:52,400 --> 01:52:55,640 I had to trade with a transvestite in the men's ward. 1238 01:52:58,520 --> 01:52:59,960 Thanks. 1239 01:53:56,440 --> 01:53:58,360 I'm not really dead. 1240 01:54:04,480 --> 01:54:06,080 I know. 1241 01:54:10,320 --> 01:54:12,800 I'm gonna miss you, Suzie Q. 1242 01:54:15,160 --> 01:54:16,520 No, you're not. 1243 01:54:16,600 --> 01:54:21,240 You're gonna get out of here, and you're gonna come and see me. 1244 01:54:28,120 --> 01:54:30,360 Yeah. 1245 01:54:45,040 --> 01:54:48,080 You know all that stuff I write in my journal... 1246 01:54:48,120 --> 01:54:50,160 I don't know what I'm saying. 1247 01:54:50,920 --> 01:54:53,960 They're just thoughts. 1248 01:54:54,040 --> 01:54:57,120 Maybe I'm a liar. 1249 01:54:58,040 --> 01:55:00,120 Maybe not. 1250 01:55:08,040 --> 01:55:09,880 See you. 1251 01:55:19,960 --> 01:55:24,360 You think if I left Ruby here, you'd take care of her for me? 1252 01:55:24,440 --> 01:55:27,640 Let me play with her when I come for my therapy? 1253 01:55:30,320 --> 01:55:31,680 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1254 01:55:33,520 --> 01:55:34,880 Thank you. 1255 01:55:38,800 --> 01:55:40,000 Bye, Ruby. 1256 01:55:41,960 --> 01:55:43,480 Bye. 1257 01:55:44,880 --> 01:55:46,600 - Yeah. - Bye, Susanna. 1258 01:56:00,600 --> 01:56:02,920 Remember me when you shave your legs. 1259 01:56:32,080 --> 01:56:34,280 Declared healthy... 1260 01:56:34,360 --> 01:56:36,400 and sent back into the world. 1261 01:56:37,400 --> 01:56:40,160 "My fi"n"al diagnosis... " 1262 01:56:40,240 --> 01:56:42,080 a recovered borderline. 1263 01:56:43,600 --> 01:56:46,320 What that means I still don't know. 1264 01:56:47,560 --> 01:56:49,520 Was I ever crazy? 1265 01:56:50,360 --> 01:56:52,240 Maybe. 1266 01:56:52,920 --> 01:56:54,800 Or maybe life is. 1267 01:56:56,480 --> 01:56:58,640 I remember you. 1268 01:57:00,840 --> 01:57:03,160 Where are you going? 1269 01:57:03,240 --> 01:57:05,560 17 Burlingame. 1270 01:57:05,600 --> 01:57:07,000 All right. 1271 01:57:08,040 --> 01:57:11,000 Crazy isn't being broken... 1272 01:57:11,080 --> 01:57:13,600 or swallowing a dark secret. 1273 01:57:14,640 --> 01:57:16,680 It's you or me... 1274 01:57:16,760 --> 01:57:18,120 amplified. 1275 01:57:19,480 --> 01:57:23,960 If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. 1276 01:57:25,200 --> 01:57:29,480 If you ever wished you could be a child forever. 1277 01:57:30,880 --> 01:57:33,360 They were not perfect... 1278 01:57:33,440 --> 01:57:35,440 but they were my friends. 1279 01:57:36,480 --> 01:57:39,320 And by the '70s... 1280 01:57:39,400 --> 01:57:41,320 most of them were out... 1281 01:57:41,400 --> 01:57:42,760 living lives. 1282 01:57:44,080 --> 01:57:45,440 Some I've seen... 1283 01:57:46,720 --> 01:57:49,600 some never again. 1284 01:57:50,960 --> 01:57:54,000 But there isn't a day "my heart doesn't fi"n"d them. " 94693