Original subtitles

-I'm sure you'll be fine.

-Louisa.

-Hello, Martin.

-I know that you heard about my job in London.

-Yes, and that's...

That's great news for you.

Really, really well done.

-I did try to tell you.

-Morning, miss Glasson.

-Hello there.

-Just trying to find the appropriate moment.

-I'm not sure it's particularly

appropriate right now.

You know, you might have told me first.

I do have a right to know.

I am carrying your child.

-A child that you have said I'm to have nothing to do

with.

-No, that's not what I said.

-You have made it abundantly clear from the outset that you

wish to bring up this baby on your own.

-Because I knew you wouldn't want to get involved.

-That is an outrageous assumption.

-Yet, here we are discussing your move to London.

-Which you just congratulated me on so...

-you know, I really don't have time for this.

-Louisa, there are some practicalities

that need to be addressed.

-Louisa.

-We need to be clear about some things.

-Sorry, Dr. Martin, I'm not interrupting am I?

-Of course, you are.

-Louisa, I'm glad I've got you.

Now, listen.

You're having a baby.

-I'm aware of that.

-What I'm thinking is baby shower.

-Oh, that sounds lovely but really?

-It'd be a chance for the village to show

you how much we care.

-Oh.

-We do care, you know.

-Well, if it's really no bother.

-Would be my pleasure.

We'll do it in my restaurant tomorrow evening.

-Thanks, Bert.

Ok.

-Morning.

-Hello.

-All right if I put some of these out?

-What are they?

-Flyers for the front room.

I'm doing b and b. No use relying on a few chickens and

a vegetable patch to keep me afloat.

-And to get a thatched roof.

-Uh, yes.

Well, the man at the copying place did it on his computer.

-Hm.

-Morning, Jo.

-Ted, I haven't seen you in ages.

How are you?

-Oh, to be honest I've been better.

That's why I've come to see the doc.

-Nothing serious, I hope.

-Oh, probably just too many miles on the clock.

-Welcome to my world.

Oh, um, here.

Take one of these and if you know anyone who wants a

holiday in como.

-B and b?

-Needs must.

-Are you booked up this week?

-No, not yet.

I've only just had the flyers printed.

-You think you could fit me in?

-You?

-Yeah.

I...

I can't stay at the palm.

-Why ever not?

The man

Decided enough's enough.

They want me out so if I could hide away here for a few days

till, you know, till the dust settles,

I'd be ever so grateful.

-Course you can stay, Ted.

-You're very kind, Jo.

-Oh, there's just one thing.

Because it's summer, I'm afraid I'm going to have to

charge you peak season rate.

-Oh.

Oh, well, if I'd have know the receptionist was so good

looking I'd have come in earlier.

-I'm not the receptionist.

I'm the practice manager and you don't have an appointment.

-So much for flattery, but would it help if I

told you I was dying?

I'm not though, I mean, would it help if I told you I was?

Sit there.

-Is the doc going to be much longer?

Ted: What time do you call this?

-I call it a few minutes before the surgery opens.

Where's the receptionist?

-I'm just in the kitchen making you some coffee.

-I'm an early bird but I don't catch no worms.

-I thought we had an agreement,

you can't make coffee.

I make my own.

-Fine.

Just trying to help.

That postman should really take more care.

-Pauline, you opened this.

-No, I didn't.

Good person has an emergency.

You can go in now.

-You're lying.

-Well, maybe I am, but that doesn't give you the right to

accuse me of opening your post when you're about

to run off to London.

-I have every right to accuse you of opening my post if, in

fact, you have opened my post, which you have.

-Well, how else was I gonna find out?

I just turn up at work one day and find the place empty.

-That wouldn't happen.

There's a new doctor taking over.

-What's going to happen to me?

-I'll give you a reference.

-Or you'll tell the new doctor to keep me.

-No, I can't do that.

If he doesn't have a job for you, then...

-well...

-uh, you'll have to find alternative employment.

Pauline said you have an emergency.

-I'm constipated.

-Pauline, was wrong then.

-It is quite uncomfortable.

-Stand up.

You in pin now?

-Well, not in pain as such, but I do feel a bit sick.

-You tried laxatives?

-No.

-Well, go to Mrs. Tishell and get some.

If that doesn't work, come back and see my replacement.

-Well, is that it then?

-No, you have really bad breath.

Get some mouthwash while you're there.

-Hm.

-She been in the wars?

-Oh, the older ones keep picking on her, poor thing.

-I'd dab her with pine tar.

-Oh, I use a mixture of cayenne pepper and garlic

powder myself.

The cayenne staunches the bleeding and the garlic has

antibiotic qualities.

Heals them up in no time.

-Plus she's already seasoned for the oven.

-So how did you get on with Martin?

-Well, I wouldn't give him full marks

for his bedside manner.

-There's not many as would.

Now, let me show you to your room.

My first paying guest.

I excuse me.

-Is that all your luggage?

-Yeah, I'm not planning on stay very long.

Got a financial advisor working out how I can pay off

my debts and open up the farm again.

-Well, perhaps I should just book you in

for a couple of nights.

-Well, 20 pounds a night is as much as I can afford.

-Well, actually it's 30 pounds a night.

Ted.

Ted.

-The reference.

-Competent?

-Hm?

-What's that suppose to mean?

-Means you've improved.

-I'm going to lunch.

If you think I'm competent enough to eat a sandwich.

I want you to imagine you're standing in

an operating theater, controlling the area you stand

in, your domain.

Imagine standing there in your scrubs, patient is prepped and

the field is sterile.

Try and remember how it felt to be there, try and recall

every scent.

You walk towards the patient, you pick up a scalpel, you

prepare to begin...

The operation.

-Doc?

Remember to keep breathing.

-Is it true?

-Is what true?

-Word on the street.

You're heading back to London?

-That's of no concern to you.

-Is there nothing I can say, nothing I can do to make you

change your mind?

-No.

-You know, I could always transfer to the MIT.

-You couldn't.

-Why not?

-As far as I'm aware, they don't employ people who have a

history of narcolepsy, agoraphobia, and in general

ineptitude.

-But you can get a medical job in London even though you're

scared of blood.

-I'm not scared of blood.

-How come?

-Good bye.

-I'll miss our little chats.

-Hm.

-If I don't do something properly you will tell me

won't you?

-Of course, yeah.

-You're a Guinea pig, as it were, good to test the water

with someone I know.

-The tea's too milky.

-Oh, sorry.

Thank you for pointing it out.

Would you like some hot pot?

-Is it free?

-Supper's not included in the price.

-Then I'll say no.

I'm not that hungry.

-You feeling any better?

-Not really, no.

-I'm sorry to hear that.

-Your telephone's definitely working?

That...

That financial bloke said he'd ring this afternoon.

-Do you really think that you'll get back to your farm?

-It's my home.

-Couldn't your daughter help?

Take you in for a while?

-Brown's as broke as me.

She's offered me a spare bedroom but it's

a long way to go.

They live in Devon now.

Why would I want to go and live in Devon?

-When you say, as broke as me, you have got the cash to pay

me?

-Oh, ow, ow, ow.

Image the operation continuing, cutting

in deeper, all the time breathing in and out.

-Evening, Ellingham.

-Edith.

-My speech.

-I thought you were happy with it.

-I was till I read last years keynote lecture again.

It made my effort, our effort, seem a little bit dull.

-So you've inserted a paragraph of claptrap.

-It's a joke.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-I'm leading with it to put the audience at their ease.

-Do you think that's a good idea?

-To put the audience at their ease?

-You telling a joke.

-Well, I've studied the timing and inflection, I think I can

pull it off.

You're not still fondling your comfort blanket?

-That's what it's for, isn't it?

-That's what it was for, Ellingham.

You should be way past simple desensitization by now.

We'll travel to the conference together, yes?

I should be done by 3:30, so come and pick me up.

I'm busy till 4:00.

Drive yourself, I'll meet you at the hotel.

-Very good.

We can skip the formal dinner, but I would like to show my

face at the drinks do.

Wouldn't do you any harm to mingle.

-I never mingle.

-There may be some people from imperial.

Wouldn't hurt to say hello.

-What do you want me to do with that?

-A laparotomy.

-I see.

-Make a midline incision.

-There wouldn't be that much blood.

-Then it's an emergency splenectomy.

-A right paramedial incision.

-Well done.

-Big difference between a bag of blood and a hemorrhaging

patient, though.

-Glad you noticed.

Have a close read of that speech, will ya?

If you have any suggested changes, let me know first

thing in the morning.

-Yes.

-See you tomorrow.

-I'm having my breakfast, al.

-Please don't treat, uh, Pauline like this.

I'm sorry you're leaving, doc, but I do think you owe her a

decent reference.

-I've given her a reference.

-Oh, come on, doc, she's worked for

you for three years.

-I know that.

-Yeah, well, what are you doing?

I mean, she's always tried her best and well, you're hardly

saying thank you for everything she's ever done.

-She hasn't done that much.

-Ah.

Now, think about that, doc.

Think about that because I know that you know deep down

inside she's done a lot.

She bled your patients when you couldn't face it yourself.

She's covered your back, doc.

She kept you going.

So will you change the reference?

-No.

-Oh, hello, Louisa.

I've just got a few cakes and doilies for your baby shower.

-Oh, lovely.

-Why do they call it that?

No one actually takes a shower, do they?

-No.

I've been meaning to say that once you've had the baby, if

you ever need any help with anything, anything at all, I

could always send al over to do whatever you want.

-Oh, I'll be fine, thanks.

-You say that, but you'll be on your own.

You might need a man around the house.

-I'll manage on my own and I won't need any help from you

or all or anyone, Ok?

-I hear what you're saying but with the doggone bat in

London...

-Bert, I'll see later.

-Morning, Dr. Ellingham.

-The phone's ringing.

-I know.

-Well, answer it then.

-I will answer it, Dr. Ellingham, just as soon as I

start work.

-What?

-My hours are 9:00 am until 6:00 pm.

I used to take blood from patients, but I'm assuming you

no longer require my phlebotomy skills, so you only

want to employ me for my admin and communication.

It's only 8:57, three minutes till my duties commence.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure they'll call back.

-No, I think I've got a room free, I just have to check

with my current guest.

-Actually, I would be delighted

to take your booking.

Yeah, right, 0207 right, right.

Well, I look forward to seeing you then.

Bye-bye.

-Tea?

-Give me a chance.

Did you sleep in that hat?

-Didn't sleep at all.

-I heard you on the landing a few times.

-Thought the laxative was starting to work, but it turns

out I was wrong.

-Will you be wanting breakfast?

-No, I'm not really hungry.

Where's that tea?

-It's coming.

I've, um, had a booking from a family in London.

They want to stay this weekend.

-London, eh?

You ought to charge them top prices.

And they won't know you're ripping them off.

-I'm not ripping anyone off.

-Lumpy bed, no kettle in the bedroom, one pillow, expect me

to pay 20 pounds a night?

-I would prefer 30 pounds and if you're not happy perhaps

you'd like to find somewhere else to stay?

-Spot more milk?

-Let out.

Cough.

-It hurts when I cough.

-And again.

-Doc...

-Pauline!

-Got an emergency out here.

-What?

Where's the emergency?

-Mr. Baker's in there.

I think he needs some help.

-Mr. Baker?

Are you ill?

Mr. Baker: Of course I am.

Why do you think I made an appointment?

-What's the problem?

Mr. Baker: You've run out of toilet paper.

-Running out of lavatory paper isn't an emergency.

Mr. Baker: It bloody well is.

-I know what you're doing.

This is childishly transparent.

-I don't fetch toilet paper.

It's not part of my job description.

I answer the phone, do filing, make appointments.

Everything else is down to you.

-I won't respond to blackmail.

-Suit yourself.

-Get out.

-Excuse me?

-You heard me.

-I almost had her that time.

-If you don't catch one soon, its baked beans for dinner.

-Oh.

-Are you all right?

-Ooh.

Terrible heartburn.

-Well, from what?

You haven't eaten anything since you got here.

-Ah, I'll be all right.

Let me give you a hand with that.

-No, no.

There's no need.

You're a paying guest, remember?

-No, I want to.

Oof, we can kill that chicken later.

-Surgery.

Is it an emergency?

No, it's not an emergency then.

-Is Pauline here?

-No.

-She said she's got a repeat prescription for me and that

she'd keep it safe till I pick it up.

-Take a seat.

Surgery.

-No need to ask if I've got the right number.

-Edith, I'm very busy.

-So am I Ellingham, but only one of us is giving a lecture

to a room full of eminent gynecologists in a matter of

hours.

-What do you want?

-Thought you might want to know, Nora Hoskins is coming

to the conference.

-Who?

-The emeritus professor of obstetrics at imperial.

She can't wait to meet you.

She can't wait to have you join them.

I said that you'd be delighted...

-can we about this when I get to the hotel?

I have a lot of patients.

-What hotel is that then?

Somewhere nice?

-Mind your own business.

Next patient.

-Oh, I'm next.

-I'm next.

-No, I've been waiting ages.

-You.

-Me so-called financial advisor just rang.

-And?

-His advice, in a nutshell, I'm buggered.

-I'm sorry.

-No chance I'll be able to run the farm again.

No chance I'll even be able to live there.

It was my dad's farm.

And his dad before him.

Now, I'll have to give it to the bank.

Find somewhere to go, something to do.

Oh, what's the matter?

-Oh, it's nothing.

-Well, well, you pulled a face.

-I'm sorry.

It's, um, it's your breath.

-Well, well, what about it?

-It's rather pungent.

Are you saying I stink?

-Did nobody else mentioned it?

-Well, like who?

-Well, like your family, your friends.

-I haven't got any friends.

My daughter and her kids are my only family and I haven't

seen them in a year.

Ah!

-Ted!

-Ah!

-I can't turn it anymore than that.

-Well, don't turn it then.

Stand up, face the window.

-Is it true you're leaving Portween?

-It's probably just a muscle spasm.

Apply a hot compress, followed by a cold compress until you...

-you want me to get the phone for you, doc?

-No.

Get out.

-Right you are.

-There's a rumor you're off back to London.

-Get out!

-Martin, I think Ted's having a heart attack.

-Oh, would you go?

-Have you finished with me?

-He's been complaining about chest pains.

Actually, he's been complaining about almost

everything.

-Here, lie on the couch.

Have you had a bowel movement since we last met?

Oh.

Have you eaten anything?

-No.

Haven't felt like it.

But I bet she still charges for breakfast.

-I'm not a charity.

-Ah, you're worse than the banks.

-Stop talking.

-Martin, you do realize it's bedlam out there.

-Yes.

-Where's Pauline?

-Thank you.

-Yeah, as soon as he realizes how vital I am to running that

surgery, he'll beg for me to work there again.

What?

-Doc's not really a begging kind, is he?

Firing, yeah.

Writing a bad reference, no problem, but begging?

Anyway, he's still off to London, so it's the new doctor

you've got too impress.

Without a better reference, you got no chance.

-I might have got a better reference if you said the

right things.

-He's made up his mind, he's never going to change it.

-Are you trying to depress me?

-I'm being realistic.

-What?

By telling me I'll never work for anyone else ever again?

-I didn't say that.

Don't be such a drama queen.

-But a jellyfish stung me.

-Jellyfish?

-Stung me.

-Ok.

Better take you to the doctor.

-No, I don't want to see him.

-All right, stick your leg up.

-What are you doing?

Well, in fact, urine stops the jellyfish sting from hurting

so much.

-Oh, that's disgusting.

Take me to the doc.

-Stand up, stand up.

-These all seem perfectly normal.

-You sure?

I feel like I'm going to burst.

-Oh, god.

Lie down.

Unbuckle your belt, undo the top button of your trousers.

Does that hurt?

-No.

-Well, it's not peritonitis.

Ew.

If you must breath, would you turn your head

the other way, please?

Does it hurt there?

-No, it's fine.

-You sure?

-Yeah, why?

-There's a significant mass in your abdomen.

Could be a growth.

Could be a tumor.

-What?

Like cancer?

-Possibly.

I'll book you in for an ultra sound scan and a

CT as soon as possible.

In the meantime...

-yeah, try not to worry.

-Pull your trousers up.

-Doc, got a jellyfish sting.

-I was gonna wee on her leg but she wouldn't let me.

-That's a myth.

Don't do it again.

Um, auntie Joan, would you tale Mr. Nugent home, please?

-Do I have to?

-Yes.

Out of here.

Come on, all of you.

You too, al.

No, not you.

You're my patient, you stay there.

-I've never been your patient before.

All these years, I've always been the one sending them in,

not the one being examined.

-Hop up here.

-What are you going to do?

-Going to remove the Nemesis.

-You mean the stingy thingies.

-Shush.

-I don't want things to end like this between us.

And I can tell you feel the same.

Hm.

It's gonna be weird without you.

I'm nit looking forward to it.

Especially if we can't get things back to how they were

before I quit.

-You didn't quit, I dismissed you.

-Only cause I made you do it.

Anyway, maybe we can just forget about what happened and

I'll work normally and you can change my reference.

-I'm not changing your reference.

-Oh, don't leave us, doc.

-I hope the new doc's better looking.

Oh, can I come to London with you, doc?

-Louisa, we really should discuss some practicalities

about the baby.

-Do you want to do that now, through the window, with the

engine running?

-Uh, no, I'm late for a conference.

-And I'm late for a baby shower.

-What's that?

-Bert's idea.

It's at the restaurant, presents, food, drink.

You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

-Can we at least agreed to meet up at some point?

Ellingham.

-Marty, Marty, can you get to the farm right away?

It's Ted Nugent again.

-Now what?

He's not at all well.

-Yes, I know that, that's why i...

-i think he's dying.

-I'm on my way.

I have to go.

-Well, me too.

-I'll call you.

Edith: I've made him a cup of tea.

-Oh, that's nice.

You said he was dying.

-Well, I thought he was.

-I'm late for a conference, you know.

Ah.

-Please stop him from doing that.

-Feels like something wants to come up, doc.

-I've ordered you a CT scan for Monday.

That lump could be causing you some abdominal discomfort.

-Tumor, it burns something terrible.

-Do you have any antacid solution?

-What?

-For heartburn or indigestion, anything like that?

-Yes, yes.

-Good, that should ease your discomfort.

Ellingham.

-You on your way?

-I'm with a patient.

-Is that just an excuse you trot out whenever you're late?

-Of course not.

-Call an ambulance.

We won't have time to talk through my speech if you

insist on helping the great unwashed.

-I'll see you at the hotel.

Mr. Nugent?

-Will this help?

-Would you please take off your hat?

-What?

Take off my lucky hat?

-Oh my god.

That heads been on my linen.

Oh.

-What's happened to your hair?

Have you been eating it?

-What are you talking about?

-Be quiet.

Have you been eating your hair, Mr. Nugent?

-Maybe, I suppose.

Does it really matter?

-Given the state of you I'd say it was a question worth

asking, yes.

-Makes me feel better.

Pulling it, chewing it.

It's not all that odd.

-It's a condition called trichophagia they eat the hair

but it can't be digested.

So it stays in the stomach and forms a solid mass.

-What you mean?

He's got a sort of hairball inside him?

-Like a cat.

-Wha... Wha...

What do I do?

-Well, for a start, you stop eating your hair.

And then you go to a hospital where they surgically remove

the trichobezoar, the hairball.

-Oh.

-Oh my god.

Is that...

Is that it?

-No, that's not the whole thing.

That's just a few hairs that didn't attach themselves to

the main, uh, ball.

Oh, he'll need to go to a hospital.

I'll call an ambulance.

He'll also need some psychiatric treatment.

-I'm not mad.

-He's just very stressed.

-Stressed?

-Yeah, I been racking up debts left, right, and Center.

I've lost my farm.

The farm that belonged to my dad...

-ambulance, this is Dr. Ellingham.

-Now Ted, you're not to worry.

I'm not expecting you to pay for...

-i...

-no, no, no.

That's the least I can do.

Now, I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to pack your

things and I'm going to put them in the

ambulance with you.

And then I'm going to ring you daughter and make sure she

collects you from hospital as soon as possible.

You're going to love living in Devon.

-Having fun?

-I didn't expect such a good turned out.

-Everyone in the village loves you.

-Oh, I don't know of that's...

-well, maybe not everyone but let's not talk about him.

-Who do you mean?

-I just wanted to say you, that if you need anything done

around your house my Dave is available 24/7.

-Thank you, very kind.

That's the third woman who's offered me

a husband on demand.

Like I'm suddenly incapable of changing a fuse.

Oh, really, you shouldn't have.

-Enjoying the party?

Scoot over, would you?

-Oh, yes, thank you.

-It's tinged with sadness, isn't it?

-Is it?

I hadn't noticed.

-Leaving you to raise a child by yourself is one thing, but

actually leaving the village.

-There's not much defense really, is there?

-You can tell me if you don't like it.

-Oh, what's not to like?

-I do hope your baby loves monkeys as much as

my little Davy did.

He's still my little Davy, even though he's 13

and fat as a pig.

-Oh, the doc should hang his head in shame.

-Always thought he was a tosser.

-You ever look at his eyes?

Far too close together.

-Maybe you're lucky.

Imagine the kind of father he'd been.

-It isn't worth thinking about.

-And why not?

-What?

-I mean, he has his problems with commitment and then some.

And sure, yeah, he has his problems but,

you know, who hasn't?

-Let's not talk about him.

-His eyes aren't too close together anyway, are they?

-Speech time.

-Oh, I haven't prepared anything.

-No, not you, dad.

-Oh, sorry.

-Quiet down, my ladies, for the house,

there's a toast to propose.

Now, quite a few of you have said that you think it's

peculiar that this baby has been organized by a man.

But it's a very unconventional party for a very

unconventional mother to be.

Most women get married before they have their babies.

And I can tell Louisa that it's not easy to bring up a

child all by yourself.

But I've been there, done that, and

grown out of the t-shirt.

And al has turned out Ok, and I'm sure that Louisa's baby

will be just fine as long as it's nothing like its father.

But to be honest, he's a pretty good doc, right?

Well, we have to admit that, right?

-Yes.

-So, if you'd like to raise your glasses we'll wish Louisa

all the luck in the world because, by god, she's going

to need it.

Louisa Glasson.

-Louisa.

-Thank you.

Thank you.

-Ellingham.

I have a reservation.

-Ah, yeah.

Mr. Ellingham.

-Doctor.

-If you could just sign here, please?

-Hm-huh.

-Help you find your room, sir?

-No, I can count.

-Good evening.

Come in.

Traffic terrible?

-Uh, no, complication with my patient.

We're sharing?

-Well, I find that a night together works out better if

both parties are in the same room.

Don't you think?

-Yes.

-Any last minute thoughts on my speech?

-Yes, I thought the conclusion could take a little

-No, it couldn't.

What else?

You make reference to

Work but you don't credit him.

-Can't stand the man.

-Well, that's it then.

-Oh, good.

Thank you, feedback appreciated.

I will, of course, acknowledge your contribution.

-There's no need.

-But you enjoyed the process?

-Yes.

-Air conditioning safely off.

-The ducts are a breeding ground...

-breeding ground for bacteria and microbes.

Yes, I know.

-Much better to have an open window.

-It's not to warm.

-It feels warm.

-Well, take your jacket off.

-No.

Shouldn't you be mingling?

-I know who I have to talk to and what I have to say to

them, but I don't mean it.

Our schedule is speech, applause, dinner, bed.

You know, a little networking would ease your return from

the wilderness.

Although, I suggest you restrict yourself to a simple

knowing nod until you get the hang of it.

-Hm.

-You're not shy, are you?

-Uh, no, I'm just, um...

-i know it's been a while, Ellingham, but you've seen me

naked before.

-Yes, I'll just give you some space.

-Nothing's changed.

Just less springy.

Compliment me.

-What?

-Oh, I've missed you, Ellingham.

-Don't sit down.

-Here, take that.

-Thank you.

We should be heading downstairs.

I don't want you to near the front, six or seven rows back,

somewhere in the middle should be fine.

Any signs of life?

-No.

-No bedbugs.

Can I go and make my speech now?

-Come in.

You might want to rethink your route from the kitchen.

I ordered an hour ago.

-Apologies, the convention is slowing everything down.

-Well, yes.

I understand that.

I took the precaution of ordering in good time so this

wouldn't happen.

-A bit short staffed actually.

-Not my concern.

If my blood sugar level drops I lack concentration.

-Do you feel unwell?

-Ellingham, will you let the man get on with his job?

Thank you so much for coming all this way.

-See that?

His temporal arteries were distended.

-What?

-The waiter.

His gait was stiff.

-My sandwich is soggy, neither of which

is a medical emergency.

Where are you going?

-The man has a condition he might not know about,

polymyalgia rheumatica.

-Well, you should have told him that when

he was in the room.

-You interrupted me.

He could lose his sight.

Don't worry, I'll be back.

-This is my night, Ellingham.

-Hello.

Out of the way.

-Wait.

-Wait.

-You're not allowed in here.

-Not now, I'm looking for someone.

-Excuse me, please.

-Yes.

Waiter.

-Ahhh.

-Get an ambulance.

-Oh god, oh god, oh god.

-All right, give me your hand.

-No, I'll be fine.

-I have to...

-no, I'll be...

-i need to have a look at it.

-Let go.

What are you doing?

-I'm a kitchen first aider.

Excuse me.

-I'm a doctor, give me a towel.

-Ok.

-Oh, is it bad?

-Towel.

A clean one.

Will it need stitches?

-Of course it will need stitches, especially if they

need to reattach the tip.

-I think I'm going to throw up.

-No, you're not.

Here, sit down.

You, come here.

Hold that.

-I've got blood on the pineapple.

-Breathe through your mouth.

Hold it up.

You know your temporal arteries are swollen?

-Oh my god, why?

-Not you.

You.

You have pain in your shoulders in the morning?

-Yes, but I carry trays all day.

-You should make an appointment with your GP as

soon as possible.

-But I'm bleeding to death.

-No, you're not.

Tell him you could be suffering from a condition

called polymyalgia rheumatica.

-Poly what?

-Polymy...

Here, give me that.

Polymyalgia rheumatica.

If left untreated you could lose your sight.

Make an emergency appointment.

Now, let's look for this man's finger.

Come on.

-No, not just a cut.

He was using a meat slicing machine so his finger's...

Not the whole finger but there's an awful lot of blood.

Ok, thanks.

-Everything all right?

-If it gets any worse, I'll give you a shout.

It'll be here in five minutes.

-All right, come on, look for this finger.

-Ellingham.

What are you doing?

-Look for a finger.

-You're bloody.

-Yes.

-And not nauseous.

Congratulations.

-Found it.

All right, don't touch it.

Um, give me some ice and some clean film.

-Your work here is done.

-Not yet.

-Is an ambulance on its way?

-Just called it myself.

-Then you can leave.

Go and get changed, try not to be late.

-Should I turn the bed down, sir?

-Um, yes.

-It takes the doctor precisely two seconds to tell her your

daughter is pregnant.

But she's never even kissed a boy.

It's impossible she's pregnant.

The doctor walks over to the window and takes a look at the

sky, and says, the last time something like this happened,

three wise men on camels saw a star in the east.

-Um, an old joke, yes, but one which takes me to the very

heart of my lecture.