Original subtitles

- Marti.

I made two. I thought of you. - Oh.

- Get down. Get down. - What's that?

- It's a dog and it's with me. - Why?

- Well, you remember my neighbor, Sam?

- No.

- No, well it doesn't matter because he's dead.

Someone had to take care of buddy so here we are.

What were you doing in there?

- Er... nothing.

Come on, call it, call it. It's gone in there.

- It's just a dog, Martin. Come on, buddy.

He's good company.

He's like that stray that used to follow you around.

- I do not wish to have my home and practice polluted

by microcontaminants.

- What has he got there?

- Well, that's not the point, is it?

It's clearly not his. - All right, all right.

Come on, buddy.

I think we've outstayed our welcome.

- Yes, I think you have.

And thank you for the pie.

- Enjoy.

- It's pitch dark, you can't relax

'cause you know it's going to start again,

you just don't know when.

- I had a sheep that snored.

- It's the silence that kills you.

- Pauline, have you collected my anti-microbial soap

from Mrs Tishell?

- No, I haven't.

I overslept. I couldn't sleep, could I?

My brother's been kicked out of the army.

- Who's my next patient?

- That'd be me, doc. - For... get this...

Snoring too loud. So what does he do?

He sleeps on our sofa and keeps us awake all night with the...

- Where are his notes?

Come through.

- She didn't sleep very well, doc.

I think there's something suspicious going on

down here, doc.

This mole just appeared from nowhere.

- Has it changed shape? - Nope.

- It's not inflamed or raised.

Does it bleed or itch? - Of course not.

But it just feels suspicious.

- No. - Are you positive, doc?

- Yes. Well.

Oh, doc, there just was one other thing

that I wanted to discuss with you.

I've got this feeling. - Suspicious feeling?

- No, no. It's more like when you're travelling by train.

- I see.

- Well, you got your newspaper, and you got your tea

but you just can't settle

because you're not where you want to be yet.

- Do you have any chest pain, dizziness, or nausea?

Then pull up your trousers and go away.

No, doc, doc, doc, just bear me out, right?

There's something wrong. It's like a piece missing.

In matters of the heart, doc... You know what I'm talking about.

Except you know what piece is missing.

- I'm with a patient. - I know.

- You don't interrupt me when I'm with a patient.

- I know.

- Then you'll also know to turn around, walk away,

and close the door.

- Fine, we'll just let her bleed to death then.

Save you the trip. - What?

- There's an emergency at the school.

- Would you like to know why?

- Would you? - Would I what?

- This is why we don't run in corridors.

- I want my pencil back.

- There could be brain damage.

- It hasn't gone into the brain.

- You can't see anything from over here.

- It's my favourite pencil.

- Parents sue for this sort of thing.

What are you doing? Why don't you do something?

- I'm assessing.

Aw.

Don't move. - Don't break it.

- Oh, all right.

Oh. Ay.

- Will it need stitches? - I don't think so.

Hold that.

Thank you.

- Ow! - Miss. Miss.

- Erm... Thank you.

- Here's your soap, Dr ellingham.

I was reading a fascinating article about pica.

That's when people have a compulsion to eat

dirt, paper, and other things they shouldn't...

Ooh, sorry, you know that, of course, don't you? Sorry.

- Half-baked sensationalism. A box of gloves, please.

- Well, that's exactly what I thought,

half-baked sensationalism.

- I'll be heading out now.

Pay the papers, take the bottles for recycling.

Oh! I'll put the lottery on. Well, you never know.

- This is Clive...

My husband. - Oh.

I'd assumed he was dead. - No, he is here.

He works on the rigs. He's a safety officer.

- Safety officer, on the rigs. Not for too much longer, though.

- This is doctor ellingham.

- Sal talks about you all the time.

- Not all the time.

- Anything I should be worried about?

- Clive. Clive.

- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Heavy machinery pounds away 24/7.

Destroys your ears. Poor me, eh?

But very soon there'll be sending me back home

to the wife on disability.

- Clive, could you... - Sorry.

But I really...

I'm really looking forward to coming back home to the wife.

- Lidocaine.

- One or two percent, doctor?

- Two.

- Thank you. - Won't be long.

- Clive's only here for a couple of weeks, doctor.

- Ah, how sweet. - Don't kill that one too.

- Bugger off. Go on. Go away.

Get! Go on. Get out!

Get off!

Go on then, get out. Get out!

Get out! - Buddy! Where was he?

- Making a flea-ridden nuisance of himself in my surgery.

- He ran all that way?

He must be really fond of you.

- It's a dog. It eats, it smells.

- Some of my best friends are dogs.

- You have my sympathy.

- This is an old friend of mine, Barbara collingsworth.

This is Martin ellingham, my nephew.

- Actually, quite good timing that you're here.

I was going to make an appointment to come and see you.

I've got this pain, see.

- Call my receptionist. Get that creature out of my car.

- Come on, buddy. Come on. Good boy!

Come on, buddy.

Now be a good boy.

- Let me take a run at him, Joanie.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Communication, understanding.

That's all it is, really.

- Barbara is a behavioural therapist.

- Fascinating. Goodbye.

Perhaps she could help with your little problem.

Martin has a phobia of blood.

- Why don't you find another complete stranger

and tell them all about my childhood bed-wetting?

- Well, 12 is hardly childhood, Martin.

- It might be worth a try.

I don't wanna bang my own trumpet,

but I do get quite speedy results.

Only yesterday I had this bitch who proved

to be very stubborn, but I soon sorted her out.

- You're a dog trainer? - Dog psychologist.

It's all the same, really,

simply a matter of rewiring the brain.

- Restrain that animal.

Or analyze its unhappy childhood.

- I am taking you down, large

- I don't think so.

- Put your money where your mouth is then.

I'm all in.

Almost a whole matchbox there. Welcome to the big time.

- Why don't I sweeten the pot?

- Bloody hell. You'd give me this restaurant? Result.

- Not the restaurant, Pauline.

It's just a way of saying if you fancied it,

you could move into the flat.

- Oh. Oh.

What have you got, then?

- Er, a pair of eights.

Oh, beats mine. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Never mind, eh?

- Oh. - Maybe some other time.

- What's in the bag, doc?

- Why don't you look where you're going?

- I'm going to the recycling. Why do you ask?

- Mr. Tishell!

Mr. Tishell!

- Ooh!

- Call an ambulance.

- What? - Call an amb...

Oh, don't worry.

She's in shock. Lucid but no apparent fractures.

Come on.

Now make sure that's nice and snug.

- We've done this before, Dr. Ellingham.

- Did she attempt to alert you to the danger?

No warning.

Just came down the hill and went flying.

Could have rung a bell at least. Hit the ground. Splat.

Put, "splat!" - do you mind?

- Agh! Agh! Agh!

- Ow! - Oh, that looks painful.

- Ooh, nasty.

- Is that your medical opinion, is it?

- You better come with us. - I'm fine.

- That's gonna need stitches. Are you gonna do 'em yourself?

- Yes.

No.

It's a simple, uninterrupted suture, yes?

- Yes.

- Not too tight.

Don't want to cut off the blood supply.

- Do you want to finish this yourself?

- Doc?

I just wanted to thank you. - I didn't do anything.

Have they tested your reflexes? - I think so.

Slight percussion, but everything's hunky dory.

- If you'd reacted faster,

that accident could have been avoided.

You look flushed. Are you hot?

- Yeah, a little. My stomach's hurting again.

- Again?

- Well, like I said before, I was gonna come and see you

'cause I'm... oh! - Nurse!

- Nurse!

Woman here is suffering acute abdominal pain.

- Who are you? - I'm her GP.

Get me a surgical specialist now.

Immediately now.

- What is it? - I'm not sure.

That's why I need to get you seen.

- Is that all right?

- Ellingham.

- Edith.

- Bad pasty? - Something like that.

What are you doing in truro?

- Well, I was going to examine my patient,

but let's have a catch-up instead.

Nurse said your GP reported

you were experiencing abdominal pain.

Where is he? - I'm here.

- Right.

Does it hurt when you cough?

On a scale of one to ten, how does it feel when I press?

- How long has she...

- 18 years.

- How long is it now? 16?

17 years?

- We've been married 18 years.

18!

- Don't seem that long, do it?

Suppose it's still the honeymoon period, eh, Sal?

There you are.

All combs sorted according to color.

- Good.

- Sal, how about we put up the "back in five minutes" sign?

- Oh, Dr. Ellingham.

- You could have caused a serious accident

yesterday afternoon.

- Like I told PC Penhale, it wasn't my fault.

- You are irresponsible and a danger to the public.

- You can't talk to me like that!

- Have you had your ears examined?

- No, there's no point.

- Then you need to call my receptionist

and make an appointment before you cause any more accidents.

- No!

- Yes! - Please, Clive!

- There's no need! - I am trying to help you!

- I don't need help!

The very fact that we are all shouting

surely proves that you do!

- I'm never going to sleep again.

They shouldn't have kicked him out of the army for snoring.

They should have kept him in and used him

as a weapon of mass destruction.

- Dr. Ellingham, please. - He's with a patient.

- I'll see him next.

- Oh, so you're chipping Miller, the crab man.

- What? - You don't have an appointment.

- I'm Dr. Montgomery. I'm Pauline the receptionist.

- He'll see me. - No, he won't.

Unbelievable.

- There really is no way of knowing.

Perhaps weeks, if she's one of the lucky ones.

- You hear about this,

but you never think it's gonna happen to you.

- It's headlice, woman, not leukemia.

Stop that.

All right. That'll do. We're finished.

- Grace, come on.

- No, no, no. No!

Come on! Pauline, control this child.

Who let that dog in here? Where's my aunt?

- This woman thinks she's gonna see you.

- I see you're busy so... I won't take long.

It's nice.

Do they pay you in chickens?

- Mm.

Are you just passing?

- Collingsworth woman.

Abdominal pressure and pelvic pain.

The picture showed a mass in there.

She has a cyst.

It's been a while.

20 years.

- I see you still like your practical footwear.

What were you doing in truro?

- One day a week common obstetrics.

Gathering data.

I run a private fertility clinic next door.

- Married?

Not long enough for there to be any permanent damage.

You? - No.

Isn't it customary to write a letter outlining

your diagnosis rather than reporting in person?

- Then I wouldn't have been able to poke around

in your underwear drawer.

I heard whispers of a surgeon with hemophobia.

- Did you?

- How are you finding general practice?

- Busy.

- Right.

Have you lost your edge, ellingham?

- Are you trying to diagnose me? - I don't have to, do I?

- Catch of the day is sea bream. The soup is leek and potato.

The vegetarian option is...

Also leek and potato.

It's a big day for leeks and potatoes.

I'll take your drinks order in a matter of moments.

Here I am...

58 years of age, working for my son.

- You just made me add in 58.

- I'm a waiter in a restaurant I used to own.

- You still own it.

- Ten percent is not much to show for a lifetime.

You know what, boy? I need more.

- Dad, we've had this discussion, right.

We've got a contract.

Ten percent is what we agreed. - No.

I need some of that companionship.

That's what's missing. Some closeness.

- Oh.

Well, Erm, you've always got me.

- More like what you've got with Pauline,

if you know what I mean. - Oh.

It's been so long I've forgotten what a woman smells like.

- All right, dad. - You know, the tender touch.

Do you know any women, like, for me?

- What? Your age? - I know it's a long shot.

- Why don't you give Caitlin, the napkin lady, a ring?

- Caitlin? - Mm.

She's single. She's your age.

I mean, she even laughs at your jokes.

There's not many of them out there.

- Oh, I dunno.

I'm not sure she's my type.

- Martin. - Chris.

- What happened there? - Nothing.

So who's complained about me now?

- Look, can't I just drop in on an old mate?

- Was it Mr. Turnbull or Mrs. Felcher?

- Mr. Walton. - Oh.

- He says you called him a mentally deficient parasite.

- He is a mentally deficient parasite.

- Fair enough.

The man complains about every little thing.

Right. I've spoken to you.

Complaint dealt with at chief executive level.

Job done.

So how have you been?

- Consultations are up five percent.

- How have you been?

- Erm, I suppose things are all right.

Could be better. - Yes?

- Well, since you ask...

I'm beginning to think

that perhaps my time here is at an end.

- You mean you want to move practices?

- No.

- I'm thinking of going back into surgery.

- And you're ready? I mean, your problem...

- I'm working on it.

- Do you want me to see what's out there?

- Yes. Yes, I do.

- Oh, doc. I'm glad I caught you.

And your shadow.

- You should be in hospital.

I have surgery tomorrow morning.

Feeling a bit under the weather but otherwise okay.

They let me pop home for a few bits and pieces.

Erm, Dr. Montgomery.

Er, she's obviously very good at her job.

- Yes, she is.

- But she's not very generous with information.

- I see.

I just don't get what's going on.

- There's nothing to get. It's a logical progression.

- You had the MRI.

It showed a mass in your abdomen.

You had the ct scan that confirmed a cyst,

and now she's going to operate.

It's straightforward.

- Er, no. I don't think so.

- I don't think they did all those things.

- Of course they did. It's a standard procedure.

It's how other conditions are ruled out.

- PC scan, they didn't do that.

- Yes, they did.

- Big machine with the rotating thing?

I mean, I'd remember something like that.

- There was no ct scan?

- Don't mean to be annoying.

I'm sure it's not important, but I...

- You can't help being annoying, and, yes, it is important.

- Right, it is, yeah. Right.

- Do you have her number with you?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Montgomery.

You didn't order a ct scan on Barbara collingsworth?

- Correct. - You should have.

- I think not.

- So how did you rule out diverticulitis?

Women's intuition?

- Experience.

- It doesn't necessarily have to be a cyst.

- Mind your own business. This isn't your case.

- It could be a diverticular mass

which would be easily treatable with antibiotics.

- I'm afraid you've lost me with all those long words.

- Your diagnosis is premature.

- Stick to the sore throats and the diarrhea.

Leave the surgery to the grown-ups.

- Erm, it appears we assess the situation differently.

Goodbye.

- If my brother doesn't leave soon, I'm going to murder him.

I'll probably fall asleep halfway through, though.

- Dad looks like he's having a good time.

He had to phone her three times

before he plucked up the courage to ask her.

- Ah, sweet. - Mm.

We've got napkins for the next five years now,

but at least he's got a date, eh?

Pauline. - Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Write it down, and I'll read it when I wake up.

I'm going home.

Bed. The final frontier.

- It must be very exciting owning a restaurant.

- Well, I only sort of own it.

I'm letting the boy have a crack.

- Still, it's very flash.

- You've got lovely eyes, if you don't mind my saying.

- And they like what they see.

So do you want to move on?

- Sunsets are lovely this time of year.

I mean, we could go and have a walk along the cliff.

- I'm too tired for a walk.

Maybe more of a lie down.

- Well, of course,

if you're tired we could always call it a night.

- I mean, a lie down together.

- Why don't we freshen up our drinks first?

- What could be better?

You me and the sea.

We'll have an eternity of time together, just you and me.

- I think you really should see Dr. Ellingham.

- Sal, this is my lot in life. I can deal with it.

- Yes, but... - Sal, be happy.

Your husband's coming home.

Same again? - Oh, just an orange juice.

- Sorry? - Orange juice.

- Come again?

- Brandy! I'll have a double Brandy!

- Aye.

- What the hell?

I could have killed you with my bare hands.

I'm a deadly weapon.

- I can't take it any more! - Buy some ear plugs!

- Move out!

- Mum said I can stay as long as I wanted.

You move out.

- Next time I'll finish the job for good.

- I'll be waiting. - You'll be snoring.

- Shut the door when you leave.

- Sorry, doc. - You're late.

- I know.

I overslept because I couldn't sleep.

There's gotta be something you can do

about his god awful snoring.

- Don't touch me. - Like, vacuum his nostrils.

- Cancel my morning appointments.

- Where are you going? - Out.

- Morning.

I was thinking...

Do you think this could just clear up on its own?

- No. - But Dr. Ellingham said...

- you've been talked through the procedure.

You've signed the consent, yes? - Yeah, but...

- It's just last-minute nerves.

You'll be fine.

- Would you help me, please? - No.

- Edith. - Hello.

- The collingsworth woman, lower abdominal pain,

elevated temperature, complained of nausea.

You've made a diagnostic leap and assumed that it's a cyst

without taking a proper look and ruling out diverticulitis.

- Sorry, what were you saying?

- Which is treated with antibiotics

rather than charging in

with an invasive and potentially harmful procedure.

- You miss playing with all the machines, don't you?

- How many years have you been a specialist?

- 17, and I've seen this presentation of symptoms

more times than I can count.

- Do you think all those years might have narrowed your vision

and you're only capable of seeing a gynecological solution?

- I have to scrub up.

- Edith.

I wasn't going to interfere out of respect for you,

but you leave me no alternative.

I must insist that you authorise a ct scan.

- She's my patient, ellingham. You can't insist.

- All right, get in. - What?

- The wheelchair, get in. Come on.

- What? What's happening?

- I believe you may have been misdiagnosed.

- I'm taking you for a ct scan.

That's it. Feet up.

- Are you allowed to do that? - Sh!

Out the way.

Out of the way!

Patient needs a ct scan, lower abdomen.

- So do they. - Get on the bed.

- Don't get on the bed. - It's an emergency.

- Who are you? What do you think you're doing?

- Er, listen, mate, there's a bloody queue,

and you belong at the back of it.

- Fine. I'm sure that Dr. Montgomery

will enjoy operating blind,

and when she nicks this woman's bowel,

you can explain it to her family's lawyers!

Get on the bed.

- It wasn't hard to find you, ellingham.

I just followed the trail of outraged people.

- Hello, Edith.

- You hijack my patient and perform

an unauthorised procedure

in a hospital where you have no privileges.

If you weren't already an obscure GP

in the back end of nowhere,

you certainly would be by the time I'd finished with you.

- It's a diverticular mass.

- Right. Good news, Mrs. Collingsworth.

No need for surgery. - No apology?

- Well spotted.

- Bye now.

- Excuse me, shopkeeper. Do you recommend these condoms?

- Clive, come here!

- Yes, miss.

- Sit down.

Oh. All right, then.

- Agh! - It is probably just wax.

- Well, you're not gonna find anything.

- Oh, hold still.

- Ow! - Look.

Oh, shush, Clive. - Agh!

- Stop struggling.

Just... Clive.

Shush, I am... look, will you...

Oh!

Oh.

Clive, you cannot tell the doctor I did this.

Do you understand?

- What?

- Hm. At some point, you perforated your septum.

Subsequent scar tissue's formed a partial blockage

which is causing you to snore.

- Very loud.

- Shouldn't you be dozing at your desk?

- Mm. - Surgery is inappropriate.

You'll just have to live with it.

- It's the rest of us that suffer.

- Well, how do you get a perforated septum?

- Any sharp object will do.

- Pauline stuck a lollipop stick up my nose.

- You were five.

- You perforated his septum. - Whatever.

He buried my little pony.

- It's your fault I got kicked out of the army.

All my life I've wanted to serve my nation, protect my country.

- Don't tell mum. - I so am.

- Oh... Thanks a bunch, doc.

- Er, yes, obviously I'm the one at fault.

- Dr. Ellingham, we've got a bleeder.

- Oh... Oh.

I'm almost done.

- I told him not to go probing around in there.

He had no idea what he was doing.

Leave it to the doc, I said.

- Mr. Tishell, stand on one leg, please.

One leg. Stand on one leg, please!

- How long do I have to do this for?

- The balance test will rule out...

- Let me give it another try. - No. Just sit down.

- What? - Sit down!

Your lack of balance coupled with your hearing loss

could indicate any number of serious inner ear conditions.

- It's the machines, I told you.

- But not noise-induced deafness.

If it was the machines,

you'd be able to stand on one leg.

- Yes, yes. But I've always had weak ankles.

- I need confirmation, but I suspect cholesteatoma.

- Yes, that's exactly what I suspected.

- What is that? - It's a con...

Put that in your good ear. - What?

- Put that in your good ear.

They'd have to perform a mastoidectomy.

- What is that?

- It's a... - It's a procedure, cl-

- it's an operation to remove the infection

behind your eardrum,

which, left untreated, may destroy the delicate bones

of your middle ear.

- You mean it can be cured?

- Yes, and your hearing can be restored.

- I'll be able to go back to work?

- Yes.

- Oh, what a shame!

I mean not having you around all the time.

Oh, but it's all for the best. - I suppose so, love.

Better be sure we make enough time to catch up.

- So Clive will be gone soon, back to his job far away.

And I'll be on my own again.

- Good.

- You okay, dad?

- It's a scary world out there, son.

Very scary.

- What's happened? - Caitlin.

She liked me.

- Oh, yeah?

- She wanted to get to know me.

I mean really know me, follow my drift.

- Yeah.

That's Erm... That's good, innit?

- Take a look at that. - Yeah?

Well, that's filth, innit? - That's Caitlin, that is.

- We buy our paper products from that woman.

She sent it to me half an hour after we said good night

and then the calls started.

- The calls? - Oh. Sailors would blush.

Dockers would cover their ears in shame.

I know, I know. But it's not what I want.

Don't get me wrong, I mean the physical side is nice.

But it's only one slice of the pie.

A big heart and a good friend, that's what I'm looking for.

The whole pie. Know what I mean?

- Yeah. Yeah.

So, did you, Erm, send a reply?

- Get out of it! Go on! Get.

- Yeah, just a minute. Chris is on the phone!

- Chris who? - Parsons!

- Right. - Yeah.

I'll just put you through.

- Are you done for the day? - Yeah, yeah.

I'd say so. Yeah.

- Right, I see. Well, that sounds promising.

When would they want me to start?

Yes. Well, tell them I'm interested.

Definitely interested.

- So I figured I'd give you another chance.

- Another chance? - To let me move in.

Seeing as you're rubbish at poker,

I thought scissors, paper, stone, best of three.

You win, I move in. - Well, no, Pauline.

I don't want to pressure you or nothing.

- Three, two. Okay, I'll, Erm...

I'll give you a big clue.

I'm going to go for stone this time.

- Stone? - Yeah, stone.

Just a little heads up.

Three, two... What did you do that for?

- I thought you were bluffing. - No, I'm not bluffing.

I'm trying to help you, you idiot.

- There's no need to insult me, Pauline, I'm just...

- look, I've been demoted to the sofa

'cause I got Adam kicked out the army.

His snoring is getting worse,

but I'm not gonna come begging to you for help.

I've got my pride.

- So the only way you'll move in

is if I win you in a game like a goldfish or...

- Exactly.

- You could just ask nicely.

- I am stone, got it? Stone.

Three, two.

Again. Three, two...

No, I... - Three, two...

Three, two.

Oh, god. Just give me the bloody keys.

- You're dead predictable, you are.

Dead predictable.

- I accept your apology.

- Thank you.

- What you did was deeply patronizing

and violated protocol.

I'd expect nothing less.

- You haven't changed, ellingham.

- Neither have you.

Have a seat.

- Thank you.

How's the hand? - I haven't looked.

- What happened? - Some utter moron.

- Another one.

Let me.

I always thought you'd end up somewhere else.

- You assume this is some sort of purgatory.

In march, the local farmers have a competition

to see who most resembles their pig

and for the last two years,

they have petitioned me to be the judge.

- Mm. - It's considered an honour.

- Well, that explains why you stay here then.

- Mm.

- A bit of inflammation, but no infection.

- As a matter of fact, Chris Parsons has contacted me

about a post at imperial.

Head of vascular.

- Oh, right.

What about your problem? - I'm dealing with it.

- But even this is making you queasy.

- No, it isn't.

- Right.

Antiseptic.

- Louisa.

- Hello, Martin.

- How are you?

You're pregnant.

- Yes, I am.