All language subtitles for Book.Club.The.Next.Chapter.2023.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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♪ Well, she was
an American girl ♪

♪ Raised on promises

♪ She couldn't help
thinking that there ♪

♪ Was a little more to life

♪ Somewhere else

♪ After all,
it was a great big world ♪

♪ With lots of places
to run to ♪

♪ And if she had to die
trying, she ♪

♪ Had one little promise
she was gonna keep ♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ All right

♪ Take it easy, baby

- ♪ Make it last all night
- ♪ Make it last all night

♪ She was an American girl...

How does a woman in her 70s

end up getting married?

It all started
when the world shut down.

Okay. All I see here is me.

This is not what I want
to be looking at.

Diane, you're muted.

Seriously, how do I just not see
my own face this big, huh?

You're muted.

Diane, you're muted.

Alexa, join my meeting.

Okay.

VIVIAN [over speaker]:
Hello, ladies.

Hello.
Hi.

Viv, have you been at
Arthur's condo this whole time?

Nine days.

It's a world record.

- Ha!
- Shar.

Are you drinking at work?

Well, technically,
the courts are closed,

so it's just me
and Judge Walker.

My restaurant's closed, too.

They said it might be
two whole weeks.

Okay, I figured it out.

Why am I a potato?

Ay, ay, ay.

Shall we talk about
Normal People?

Something we have
very little experience with.

Hey.
How do I stop being a potato?

One thing's for sure:

It went on longer
than anyone imagined.

Ah. Untamed.

The harrowing true story
of Viv's nether region

if the waxing salon
doesn't reopen soon.

All that's been lasered away
years ago.

Yeah.

Excuse me, um, it's 7:00 p.m.

- Oh, my...

Thank you, health-care workers!

- Yay.
Thank you!

No one's enjoying their
quarantine more than you, Viv.

We stayed connected

and were there for each other
through personal hardships.

Look who's home
from the hospital.

Bruce, you look great.

A minor heart attack.
I'm doing fine.

We're just taking it easy.

- No more cheeseburgers.
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, yeah, but look.

Got these special cookies.

They're shaped like an aorta.

Ugh.

No.

And through
professional milestones.

♪ For she's a jolly
good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny.

Ta-da.

I've already been asked
to perform three weddings.

Once you take senior status,
that's all you're good for.

- That's so sweet.
It's degrading.

I didn't go to law school
so I could tell

the children of my colleagues
they could kiss.

And like so many people,

the time apart gave us the
opportunity to try new things.

That was a little dark, but...

I'm pickling my own cucumbers.

Oh! Oh!

I have adopted a rescue parrot.

His name is Sylvester.

- Are you a good boy?

Sylvester's been rehomed.

And forced us
to deal with things

- we'd been putting off.

This is all I'm keeping.

Well, good you're hanging on
to that coffee can, though.

Oh.

This is Harry.

Harry?

Well, yeah, the ashes.
The-the ashes of Harry. See?

Was his dying wish
to be a latte?

You-you can't just
leave him there.

Wait a minute.
Do you think he's better off

on the mantel
in Mitchell's bedroom?

Probably not
what your late husband imagined

as his eternal resting place.

Back in the box you go.

There you go.

No, go spread them somewhere.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

I mean, I'm just supposed to go
dump him in the fields?

- He's allergic to horses.

For a while, it felt like

it was never going to end.

I liked this,
but if I wanted to read a story

of a woman trapped at home,
slowly going crazy,

I would've read my own diaries.

But everything
comes to an end at some point.

We had a great run, didn't we?

It was the best restaurant
in Brentwood.

It was the best
restaurant in Los Angeles.

- Yeah, definitely.
- That's true.

You guys are nice.

Well, I was gonna retire
someday anyway.

Come join me on the other side.

It's boring, but it's boring.

- Yeah.

Well, it had been
quite an experience,

but our time apart
was finally coming to an end,

and a new journey together
was about to begin.

DIANE [singsongy]:
Knock, knock!

Oh, my God.

Oh!

This still feels illegal.

Oh, no.

Yeah. -I refuse to outlaw
the hug.

What's going on here, huh?

Have we officially hit the stage

where we cover
our furniture in plastic?

No, this is what happens
when you have

- too much time on your hands.
- Yeah.

I actually tried
to retile the bathroom, too.

- Oh.
- That did not go well.

- No?
- It's terrible.

- Yoo-hoo.
- Oh!

- Judge!
- Oh, please.

I'm retired,
so no need for formalities.

-"Your Honor" is fine.
- Oh.

I never thought I'd be
this happy to hug you. Oh.

Yeah. I get that a lot.

Hello!

- Oh! Hello.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

- Oh, my God. Oh, hi.
- Hi.

Hi, sweetheart.

- Hi.
- Aw.

- And my pal.
- Hey, Slim.

Oh, this is so great.

- How are you, Slim?
- I'm so excited.

Viv, uh, just one question.

What's going on with the gloves?

Are you planning
a jewelry heist? -

Or maybe becoming
an amateur mime?

Or even a professional mime,

- if you put your mind to it.
- Uh-huh.

Now, that would be
an exciting change.

Well, actually, there has been
an exciting change.

Oh, my.

What's going... What?

Oh, my God.

- You're engaged?
- Oh, it's gorgeous.

- Can you believe it?
- No, I can't.

- Vivian.
- Oh, I have so many questions.

- When did this happen?
- Well...

Wait, wait, wait.
Come sit down and tell us

- every single thing.
- We need details.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.

Oh, my God, Viv,
this is amazing.

- Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Well, uh, it was
actually... it was last night.

I can't believe
that it was last night.

We were walking back
to the apartment,

and he made some comment
about proposing,

and I made a comment,
"Well, if not now, when?"

Because in another 50 years,

I may not find him
as attractive as I do now.

And right then, we were
in front of a jewelry store.

And before I know it,
we're in the store,

saying, "Should we do this?

I mean, should we get married?"

- And we are!

- Oh, my God. Oh!
- We are.

- Please.
- Oh.

To Viv and Arthur.

Oh, thank you.

- Cheers.
- Oh, beautiful.

Thank you, my pals.

So, do you have a date yet?

Oh, I think I'll go with Arthur.

What?

As my date.

Do we have to laugh
at her bad jokes

- since she's the bride?
- No, well, I think we do.

- I think that's the rule.
- Yeah.

Sharon is correct.

Look at you.

- Is this new?
- Well, it is to me.

I assume the man who owns it
purchased it years ago.

Oh, well, I'm glad your vagina
hasn't claimed senior status.

- Who's the lucky sailor?
- Not a clue.

I found it in the back seat
of my car. Finders keepers.

- Oh, my God.

I really don't understand
how you make that work.

Well, now you know why she keeps
having to get her hip replaced.

People with mechanical knees
should not throw stones.

- Oh. Oh, my God, you guys.
- What? What?

I have to show you what I found
when I was cleaning up.

Cleaning up?
What did it look like before?

Look. I think it's an omen.

An omen?

This is from the trip
that never was.

Remember, we were all
gonna go to Italy.

Oh.

Oh, Italy.

Right?
Oh, my God.

Our dream vacation,
before, of course,

I got pregnant
and ruined everything.

- Pan Am?

Can you believe
that one of these

used to get us on a plane?

I can't even look at those.

"Surprise Gianni.

Taste his magical
meatballs again."

Oh.

-"Do not live in fear."
- Oh, God.

Okay, that's not...

-"Taste his magical meatballs"?
- Shh!

"Do not live in fear"?
How big are they?

- Oh, Gianni.

Who is Gianni?

Okay, he was the Italian hottie

from my cooking school
a million trillion years ago.

Probably fat and bald now.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Don't ruin my memories.

- Anyway, that's not the point.

- The point is I found this.
- Yeah.

The travel ban is lifted,

and I think
we should all go to Italy.

Italy? Whoa.

I mean, I barely made it here.

Yeah, I-I-I can't go
anywhere, right?

I'm a newly engaged woman, remember?

Oh, that-that's it.

We'll make it
Viv's bachelorette.

Oh, I literally
just got chill bumps.

It's perfect.

You want us to run around Italy
like a bunch of teenagers?

The book says ignoring the signs
is what ruins a life.

- We can't reject our destiny.
- Yeah.

I love the idea
of drinking Italian wine

and celebrating Vivian,

but can't we just do that
from here?

I'm with Shar.

You know, it-it doesn't feel
right leaving Arthur right now.

And my little Ginsburger
has not been feeling well.

I don't feel good about
leaving her, either. -Mm.

You know that we might never
have a chance

to do something like this again.

Such is fate.

A bachelorette?

And you said you didn't
want to go because of me?

No. Well, I mean, yeah,
that's what I said,

but not because of you.

Because of us.

- Well...
- You know, our relationship.

Well, that's not right.

Not because of
"our relationship."

Because of our engagement.

I mean, my point was
we're engaged,

so if I'm gonna run off
to Italy,

- it should be with you.

Well, I'd love that,
but just 'cause we're engaged

doesn't mean you can't go on
a trip with your best friends.

Really?

Viv, Jesus Christ.

Actually, that is
Saint Christopher.

Oh, God.

He's the patron saint of travel.

So, if you're planning a trip,

well, this is
the right place to start.

- How about that for a sign?
- Wow.

- Oh, boy.

Hello. You've reached the home
of the retired and gifted.

So...

we need to go to Italy.

Why are you saying that?
I already told you I can't go.

I wanted to score a few points

by telling Arthur
that I wasn't gonna go

because I'm being sensitive
to his feelings

now that we're "en-fianced."

That's not a word.

"En-fianced," "a-fianced."

- I-I don't know.

Where are you?

I'm in a church.

You're in a church?

We're looking for a venue
for the wedding.

You're going to get married
in a church?

Hope they don't run
a background check.

I'm shocked you didn't
burst into flames

as you crossed the threshold.

The point is, Sharon,
now if we don't go,

he'll think I think
he was testing me

and that I don't think
he actually thinks we should go.

I-I think
you're overthinking this.

I don't think so.

- I think we need to go.
Ginsie.

- Honey, it's Sharon. Say hi.
- Ginsie.

Oh, hey. Hi, Sharon.

I'm excited about
your trip to Italy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Oh, Sh-Sharon,
y-you're on speaker in a church.

Ginsie.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Uh, I'll call you back.

It's another omen.

DIANE [over phone]:
I don't understand.

Dead like dead-dead?

Yes. What other kind
of dead is there?

Don't cats have nine lives?

Ho-Hold on. Sharon's coming.

They think it was just old age.

It's unnatural for your child
to go before you.

Aw, honey.

- Honey, I'm so sorry.
- Oh.

Well, I'm-I'm just on
with Diane.

I'll put her on speaker.

Oh, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait, no, no.

I would just say
the wrong thing.

Hi, Di.

No, even my name is wrong
at a time like this.

I think this might be an omen.

Yes, the universe is conspiring.

I mean, is... Oh, God.

Is it? Is it really?

And even if it's not,
I say we discuss it in Italy.

Are you serious?

I'm retired. My cat is dead.

We're talking about
going to the top

wine-producing country
in the world.

Yes, I'm serious.

Let's do this.

I'm looping in Viv.

We have to go to Italy.

You're in, too?

Didn't Sharon tell you
what happened?

- About her cat?
- No. Arthur.

Oh, God. Did he die, too?

Diane.

I was worried there was a theme.

He thinks it would be wrong
for us not to go.

I mean, is that sweet or what?

You should marry that guy.

And I will.

But first, Italy.

Can you believe it?

You're on your way to Tuscany.

Ugh. God.

-"Ugh"?
- Ugh, I know.

You're the first person
in the world to "ugh" Tuscany.

I wasn't "ugh-ing" Tuscany.

Ah, nice try.

There's just an absurdity
to the whole thing.

A bachelorette trip?
What are we doing?

Well, Vivian's getting married.

Which is, you know,
a little bit nuts.

I think it's very romantic.

But it's also nuts.

You got to admit that.

Well, you're the one
who's been married before.

You tell me.

No, no. I was pregnant.

It's different.

Oh, that's so romantic.

Not as romantic as
never getting married at all.

- Hello?

One little goodbye kiss, maybe?

- A little goodbye...
- Maybe one.

Oh, excited.

Oh. Mm.

Mmm.

- Get out of here.
- Uh-huh. Okay.

Love you.

♪ Now it's hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Go, go, Joe

♪ You mixed-up siciliano

♪ All you calabrese

♪ Do the mambo like-alà and ♪

♪ Hey, goombah

♪ I love-a how you dance rumba

♪ But take-a some advice,
paisano ♪

♪ Learn how to mambo

♪ If you're gonna be a square

♪ You're never gonna
go nowhere ♪

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Hey, mambo italiano

♪ Go, go, Joe,
shake-a like a Giovanno ♪

♪ Hello, che si dice?

♪ Get-a happy in the feets-a

♪ When you mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo...

Look at this place.

I can't believe
we're actually here.

I love this city.

- Rome. Roma.

And not just because I had
due proseccos at lunch.

- Yeah, sure.

Me, too. I love anything that's
falling apart more than I am.

- You know,

it's amazing, though, isn't it,

how many tourists there are
in the world?

Well, wait a minute.
We're tourists.

- Yes, but we're different.
- Oh.

- We're not so obvious.
- Yeah.

No, no, no. Judge's fanny pack
screams, "I'm a local."

- It's called a waist wallet.
- Oh.

Oh, well, that changes
everything. -

Yeah, and it's not just fashion.

- It's also functional.
- No. Ah...

Hey, is it time?

- What?
- Oh, yeah. No, no.

- It is time.
- Okay.

- What?
- Uh-huh.

- Oh, yes.
- Let's do it.

- Oh, my God, you...
- Yes, yes!

Oh, I can't believe you guys.

Well, believe it, because
this is your bachelorette.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

And we're not gonna
let you forget it, okay?

- Oh, and there's a veil.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my Lord.

- Congratulations to the bride!
- There you go.

Oh, thank you.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you.

Oh, God, you look so great.

- You look perfect.

I look like
a crossing guard in this.

No, crossing guards
wear vests now.

What did he say?

I'm-I'm trying...
I'm trying to translate here.

Oh, okay, "vecchie."
It means "old."

- What?
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- He called us old?

He basically called us
an old fruit.

- Oh, my...

I'm gonna cause
an international incident.

- Wait. "Dolce" means "sweet."
- Yeah. What?

Okay. "The older the vines,
the sweeter the fruit."

- Oh!

- Yes, we've still got it.
- Look at us.

Yeah, we got it.

The question is:
What are we gonna do with it?

Well, this is
a bachelorette party,

- so you know what that means.
- Okay.

It means that we go
see naked men.

" continues]

What's the protocol here?

Where do I stuff
the dollar bills?

I-I think some of these guys
are the same dancers

- from my bachelorette party.

Look at those nail beds.

I really need a pedicure.

"I lost my hand!"

Nic Cage, Moonstruck.

Oh, wow.

She's almost 2,000 years old.

She's definitely had work done.

I got the same perm
back in 1982.

In his defense,
it is a little chilly in here.

Give him some credit.

I mean,
he's a thousand years old

and still hard as a rock.

Oh, my God.

What is Bruce doing?

Wait a minute.
Are you spying on him?

No, no, I got an alert.

There was movement
in the kitchen.

Bacon?

Oh, God. He can't...

What, is he insane?

- Oh, uno momen...
- Bruce!

Carol, you scared
the hell out of me.

Bruce, you know you're not
allowed to eat bacon.

No, no, it's not
what it looks like.

It looks like you're hiding
bacon behind your back.

Wrong.

No bacon.

I see you, Bruce.

- Oh, oh.

- Oh... Oh, whoa.
- Wow.

I've never seen
anything like it.

I'm so glad we did this.

Me, too.
Aw.

- CAROL [chuckles]: Me, too.
- Mwah.

Oh, look. Here we go.

This is Via dei Coronari.

- Oh.
- What's Via dei Coronari?

- This road.
- So?

So it's-it's beautiful
and we're taking it.

Wha... I don't think
there's an ugly street

- in this entire city, is there?
- No.

- No. Right.
- I don't think so.

- Ah, and-and look.
- Oh.

Is it a sign?

Oh, I think it is.

I think it is definitely a sign.

That is a sign, literally.

"Chiuso." Closed.

- Oh, shucks.
- Hmm.

And you must be the bride.

- Well, how did you know?

What did you gals do?

Welcome to
my humble little factory.

- VIVIAN [chuckling]: Wow.
Grazie.

- Wow.
- Oh. Whoa.

Oh, my gosh.

So, describe to me the dress.

Tell me anything
that comes to your mind.

Sexy but traditional.

Sexy. Naturalmente, of course.

- No, and timeless.
That's a good call.

The last thing you want
when you look back

at your photos 50 years from now

is to wonder,
"What the hell was I thinking?"

- Right.

Ciao. Can I interest anyone
in a prosecco?

- Yes, you bet.
- Yes.

Me, and you should be
interested, too.

Oh, yeah.

Well, uh, let's have
some fun, girls, huh?

To fun.

- Oh, gorgeous. Oh.

Is this it?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

You don't pick the first one.

You're not getting off
that easily.

- It's too bridal.
- Mmm.

Next.

You look like Hugh Hefner.

It's not bridal enough.

I think you should change.

Next.

Thank you so much.

God, I'd like to serve you
for Christmas dinner.

Oh, my God.

- Okay. Less bird. Next.
- Mm-hmm.

Someone else next.

Fine. When in Rome.

I'm not putting on
one other thing

until you're all in couture.

You're not getting out of this.

I'm not getting into this.

Grace.

- You know...
- Siì. I know just the one.

Ta-da.

Oh, my... Oh.

I feel like I just escaped
from the trunk of a Cadillac.

Judge, looking good.

Yeah, if I were at
a Renaissance fair.

- Oh, Diane, look.

I literally thought
that was you.

- I love that.
- It's...

So, what do you think?

- That I don't like you.

Aw.
Holy moly.

- Gorgeous.
- Oh, Diane.

You look more like you
than you ever have. -

We are sending

- a picture of this to Mitchell.

No, no, no, no.
Wait a minute. Are you nuts?

- Too late.
- Please don't send it.

Sharon, un-send it.

Just because I know
how to not make myself a potato

doesn't mean I'm Steve Jobs.

- I mean...

Another one for the bride-to-be.

Okay, I need more drink.

- Oh, my God.

Whoa.

Whoa.
Oh, no way.

Slim, yowza.

Oh, my God, I'd marry you.

Oh, my gosh, Viv, it's stunning.

Is it how you always
imagined yourself as a bride?

I never imagined myself
as a bride. -

Which is funny because

we always hosted weddings
at the Quinn-Henry,

but I never imagined my own.

Hmm.

How does it feel?

Mm, I love the fabric.

I know.

It's the finest, but...
how do you feel?

Is this the right one?

What do you think?

It's perfect.

- Yeah?
- Truly, truly stunning.

We'll take it.

EÈ bellissima.

Yes.

Hey! Yeah.
Here they are.

Oh, what'd you get?

Do you know
that Mitchell's real name

is Michelangelo?

Oh.
And...

Arturo. It's a much sexier name
than Arthur, right?

Oh.

Everything is sexier in Italy.

Well, I know I am.

- Right, Giuseppe?
- Of course.

Oh, God.

Mitchell.

Because you sent him
that picture.

- What? Let...
What?

"A true work of art.

And the dress
ain't bad, either."

- Oh, great line.

This guy. Oh, God.

Aw.

- Hey, cheers.
- Hey, cheers is right.

- Cheers. -Cheers.
- Here we go.

Rome is a great walking city,

but it's an even better
sit-down-and-drink-wine city.

So true.

I think you say that
about every city.

What? No, e-every city
is not good for walking.

Oh.

The best walking city
is Venezia.

Oh, I love Venice.

Sh... Should we go?

- To Venice?
- To...

- Of course.
- Yeah?

Going to Venezia is never
the wrong decision.

- Yeah.
Oh.

I-I have a friend
with a great hotel there.

Where do you not have
a friend with a hotel?

- Well, not many places.

Well, I-I think we should

just stay the course
and go to Tuscany.

Venice is the most special city
in the world.

The treasure of Italy.

-"The treasure of Italy."
Uh...

Wasn't the guy in The Alchemist
searching for treasure?

This is the universe
telling us we should go.

Or is it a street artist
telling us to go?

I mean, no offense, obviously.

I say it's a sign.

And it's my bachelorette, remember?

Mm-hmm.

Judge, do you maybe want
to overrule this?

Nonsense.
I'm the one wearing the sash,

so what I say goes.

New plan: Andiamo a Venezia.

- Uh-huh.
- Ah.

Is there room in this new plan
for sleeping?

Is 6:00 p.m. an appropriate
bachelorette bedtime?

- Definitely.
- Really?

- Very standard, actually.
- Okay.

Tomorrow, we leave
early in the morning.

Bellissima.

For the beautiful woman.

Oh, wow.

You really are sexier in Italy.

It-it's like looking
in a mirror.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you. Grazie. Thank you.

- Let's see. Where is Venice?
- Oh, I don't...

- We're going...
- Oh, wow.

- Oh, hi.

- Prima classe?
- Siì.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, first class.

Where you going?

- Venice.
- Ah, Venezia.

We'll help you with the luggage.

Allow us, please.

- We'll help you.
- Thank you.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Venezia. Uh, plenty of time.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Well, that's very kind.

Thank you.
This is for both of you.

Thank you so much.

- Where's Venezia?
- See it?

- You see Venice?
- I can't read any of that.

There's Venezia.

Benvenute a Venezia.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Grazie.
- Thank you.

- Prego.
- Grazie.

- Boy.

- Come on, everybody.
- Okay. Yeah.

- All right.
- Good.

Diane, can you hand me my purse?

Oh, wait a minute.

Um, no.

Oh, my God, I don't see...
It's-it's not up here.

Well, where is it?

Um... Oh.

Everything okay?

I can't find my purse.

I've got mine.

But now is not
the time to gloat.

Do you think it was stolen?

I didn't see anyone
come through.

Yeah, Carol, are you sure
you put it up here?

- Mm-hmm.
- I-I... I thought I did.

Oh, God.

Ah. Aha. Aha.

Wait. Wait.

Oh.
Oh.

Thank you. Thank you.

I was so nervous
that we'd been robbed.

Uh, sir, where can we find
our checked bags?

What do you mean,
"checked bags"?

Oh, the ones that we gave
to the porters in Rome.

I'm sorry,
but we don't have any porters.

- Uh...
- Uh...

Wh-When did you get rid
of the porters?

1976.

No wonder the porters

were so surprised
when I gave them a tip.

Well, it's probably
not every day

that someone gives them cash
to steal their luggage.

Yeah, I just can't believe this.

I can't lose that bag.

Well, I know
it's annoying, honey,

but it's not the end
of the world.

You don't understand.

It might be good to get you
some fresh clothes.

Everything is replaceable.

No, not everything is. No.

Okay, Diane, I think you're
blowing this out of proportion.

Harry's ashes are in the bag.

- What?! Oh, God.
Yeah.

You brought Harry's ashes
to a bachelorette party?

- Are you nuts?
You're the one

that said I shouldn't
leave him in the closet.

So you brought him to Italy?

In a checked bag?

- Like a serial killer.
- Is that even legal?

You're asking me?

- Oh, buongiorno.
- Oh, yes.

- Buongiorno.
Oh, buongiorno.

Yeah.
Hi.

So, we have made the report.

Okay, and, uh...

If, uh, anything turns up,
we will let you know.

That's it? Because we've been
sitting here for two hours,

and that's all we're gonna get?

No, that is not all.

Uh-huh.

I feel very bad for you. Please.

Oh, you feel bad for us?

We don't need a man
to take pity on us.

No, your lazy police work
is more than sufficient.

Um...

I'm just curious.

Hypothetically,
if you do find the bags,

will you be going through them?

I don't typically
make it a habit...

Oh.

...to go through
a lady's belongings.

Oh, that's great. Okay, good.

All right.
And thanks again. Thank you.

Wait, signora.

Your dress.

Oh. Oh, God. Shoot. Yes.

That's my dress.
Thank you so much.

Are you here for a wedding?

No, it-it's a bachelorette trip,

but my friends took me
dress shopping in Rome.

- Such nice friends you have.
- Yes.

Even the critical one.

Yeah, well...

Signora, per favore.

Before you go.

Take this.

So we don't have to see
each other again.

Well, thanks.

This is tremendously helpful
at this point.

Well, it's definitely not legal.

- That's for sure.
- What were you thinking?

I was just trying to do
a nice thing.

I mean, he always wanted
to visit Italy.

- Aw.
- It's a sweet idea.

- Thanks.
- Also crazy.

Yeah, I can see that now.

On the bright side,
it's much easier walking

without dragging your luggage.

Speak for yourself.

This is like a...

a full upper-body routine
carrying this thing.

So, remember
that part in The Alchemist

where the guy gets robbed
and loses everything?

Yeah.

I have no empathy for him
at this point.

Yeah, neither do I.

Well, he said he had
a choice to make.

He could either see himself
as a victim of a thief...

Or see himself as an adventurer

in search of a treasure.

Yeah, but we are victims
of a thief.

But we are also adventurers.

Ciao, Sofia.

Ciao. Ciao.

Welcome back.

Ladies, let me assure you,
you're in good hands now.

There is nothing my uncle
wouldn't do for this woman.

- Oh, that's very sweet.
- Well, it's true.

And you're in luck
because the wedding

we were supposed to throw
this weekend canceled,

so our best rooms are available.

The wedding was canceled?

Yeah. It was very dramatic.

Screaming and crying,
and the dress on fire.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

But this is our boutique.

I've let them know
to expect you.

I've got the same thing in blue.

- Oh.

Here are your keys.

I'm sure you're exhausted.

Thank you.

When you see your uncle,
please give him my very best.

Of course.

And please, if there is
anything else you need,

- don't hesitate to ask.
Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

Yeah.

Nothing her uncle
wouldn't do for you, huh?

Well, there was a time
15 years ago

when there was nothing
I wouldn't have done for him...

sexually.

Well, thank you for clarifying.

Well, if you must know,
he's why I got my knee replaced.

- Oh, boy.
- Such commitment.

Such sacrifice.

Mm, she's a modern-day
Mother Teresa.

That's the part
of Mother Teresa's story

they don't tell you about.

She wasn't just
on her knees praying.

Oh.

To help you forget
about your troubles.

Salute.

It won't hurt.

Forgive me,
I-I couldn't help but overhear.

What sort of troubles
have you got yourself into?

Oh.

A little snafu
at the train station.

My friends and I
had our luggage stolen.

Well, that sounds like
more than a little snafu.

All your luggage?

Wallets? Passport?

Oh, please.

What kind of fool
do you take me for?

Fantastic.

No one could get this off me.
No one.

Oh.

It would require
very nimble fingers,

I imagine.

Well, since we're playing
"you show me yours,

I'll show you mine."

Be still my heart.

No, I'm just saying you need
to keep stress to a minimum.

I'm at a driving range.

That's just a bit more strenuous
than taking a nap.

Sweetheart, listen, are you sure

that I shouldn't come over
and meet up with you?

We discussed this, Bruce.

It's-it's not safe.

Yeah, I know. I was just
thinking that, you know...

So, tomorrow,
we're going to La Toscana.

La Toscana?

- That's how you say Tuscany.
- Oh, oh.

I thought you were talking
about the restaurant

on San Vicente.

Why would I be talking about
a restaurant on San Vicente

when I'm in Italy?

- Eataly?
- What?

Eataly.

The restaurant in Century City.

I'm just making restaurant jokes

because, uh, I'm on
such a strict diet, honey.

Okay. Okay, I get it now.

Yeah, well, if I got to explain
the jokes, Carol,

it's just not as funny.

How about we just cool it with
the jokes about restaurants?

You don't hear me making jokes
about angioplasty.

Oh, gosh, I wish you would.

- A bachelorette trip?
- Yes.

I don't think
I know anyone who's done

anything like that for 20 years.

And why not, right?

Honestly, this is
how I want to live my life.

On a bachelorette trip?

- Of course.

And guided by
the daily practice of "why not?"

For a second,
I thought you said,

"Guided by
the daily practice of wine,"

and I thought, "Okay."

Well, it's not
a bad combination.

"Wine and 'Why Not?'"

That's gonna be
the title of my autobiography.

Well, I promise that
I shall buy a first edition.

You're on.

Oh, my God. Look at her.

We can't leave her alone
for a second.

Yeah, they're like
moths to a flame.

Oh. Ciao, guys.

Oh, hi.

- Buonasera.
- Hey. -Hi.

- Whoo!

This is Ousmane.

- Uh-huh.
- Ciao.

It's really very nice
to meet you.

Which one of you
is the bride-to-be?

- Oh, definitely not me.
- Oh, no.

She'll be down in just a minute.

It must be very exciting
for all of you.

And I'm delighted that
you'll be joining us tonight.

- Tonight?
- Uh, yes.

I-I made dinner plans
for us tonight.

- Oh.
- Great.

It's going to be...
Wh-What did you call it?

"An authentic
Italian experience"?

Wait a minute. Are we going
to the Olive Garden?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I promise you it'll be worth it.

It's great food, great people.

And there's no problem if
four random women show up? -Mm.

This is Italy.

There's always room
for random beautiful women.

- Oh. -
- He's good.

" playing on piano]

- Look at this!

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

You pulled together
this bachelorette dinner

in-in-in record time.

It was easier than you think.

And we even got you a band.

Look!

Hope you like Italian music.

Hey.

So we decided to go
into the jewelry store,

and before we knew it,
we were engaged.

Well, I think that's
incredibly romantic.

Well, thank you.

- Are you married?
- No.

- I-I've traveled that road.

Not a pleasant journey?

Well, it was a bit
of a carjacking, really.

- Hmm.
- Oh.

Well, um, it wasn't all bad.

Uh, are you all married?

Married.

Not married but not single.

- Ah. Dating.
- Yeah.

Serious boyfriend.

Yeah, I mean...

I don't know,
"boyfriend and girlfriend"

just sounds so silly, you know?

Like we're in high school
or something.

I'm too old to be
somebody's girlfriend.

Are you kidding?

Oh, being a girlfriend is
the greatest thing in the world.

- That's not true.
- Oh, it is.

Being a girlfriend is sexy.

It's exciting.

You know, it means
you love somebody

and you're committed to them,

but you still have
your own life.

You haven't given yourself up
to society's conventions.

It's all about choice.

You choose to be there,

but you can leave
any time you damn well please.

Perfect.

And you're the bride-to-be?

And what about you?

Oh, she's the single one.

Oh, well, every group needs one.

And I'm the one who has to run
to the ladies' room,

if you'll excuse me.

Ousmane,
what do you do in Italy?

Philosophy.

No, I-I was
a professor of philosophy.

Happily now retired.

Which is why I have
so much time to spend here.

- Ciao.
- Ciao, chef.

...Sharon, Diane e Vivian.

You're so kind to include us.

It is my sincerest joy.

So, let us proceed
with un po' di prosecco.

It, uh, prepares the palate.

Oh, thank you.

- Prego.
- Yeah.

What brings you to Venice?

Oh, uh, a series of, well,
unanticipated events, so...

- Ah. The spice of life.
- Oh. Thanks.

I got a little lost.

Wow.

That's quite a situation
in the bosom area.

- Oh! Scusi.
- Yeah.

- Oh. I overdid it, didn't I?
Oh, no, that's okay.

No, absolutely not.

Wait.

Carolina.

Gianni.

- Gianni, is that you?
- Siì.

- Siì, si.

This is crazy.

What are you doing here?

Me? Well, I live here.

This is my cooking school.

Oh. Wait, wait.
You mean Gi-Gianni?

Gi-Gianni, Gianni?

It's the Gianni.

Not fat or bald.

This is crazy. -I've heard
about your meatballs.

I-I can't believe.

I mean, look at you, huh?

Oh.

Yeah, I mean,
this is a new dress,

and it's a little... probably
a little much for tonight,

but I just wanted
to have a little fun.

You look beautiful.

- Thank you.
My goodness.

Thank you. This is incredible.

- Wow.
Wow.

Yes. Oh, grazie.

Uh, and here to start,
an amuse-bouche.

- Oh.
I think somebody's

bouche is already quite amused.

Enjoy, please. I need to, uh...

My head is spinning.

There's so many things
I want to put in your mouth.

- I can't wait.
- Oh.

And I mustn't overheat
your cacciucco. Uh, e-excuse me.

- May be a little late for that.

Even my cacciucco is overheated.

- So is mine.

- Oh, that was the best meal.
- So delicious.

No, no. Uh...

I can't even believe it.

What are the chances?

If I were writing a book,
I'd have you sleep with him

just to get the recipe
for this sauce.

- Ooh.

Libations.

- Oh.
- Oh, my God.

I think I've had enough.

Oh, come on.
This is your bachelorette,

and things are about to get
even more fun.

Ooh!

- Oh.

Goodness.
- Oh, fun.

Right?

- Very Christian Grey.

Hey.

♪ Gloria

Can you believe this?

I told you
we should come to Italy.

♪ Gloria

♪ Gloria

♪ Gloria

♪ Gloria

Oh, my God.

You go!

Whoo!

Oh, well, that was a first.

I was thinking of taking
a little stroll

down by the docks,
if you're interested.

It-it might be getting
very near my bedtime.

You seem a little too old
to have a bedtime.

Well, let's just agree
that that was a compliment.

That would be helpful.
Thank you.

Shall we?

And there goes Sharon.

- Oh...

Scusi, signora.
Chef Gianni says,

if you would like,
you should see his cucina.

I'm sorry, see his cucina?

Yeah. It means kitchen.

Oh.

I bet it's big, isn't it?

- I mean, it's a cooking school.
- Uh-huh.

Bene. Uh, please, he says
you come whenever you'd like.

Oh, that's so sweet.

You tell Chef Gianni
she'd be excited to come.

Bene.

Preferably more than once.

Oh, good God.

You know what,
are you...

I do want to see his cucina.

Well, just go.

Yes. -But don't do anything
I would do.

I think that's actually
really good advice.

It's just a kitchen.

Oh.

- Whoa.
- Yeah, sure.

And then there were two.

- Yeah.
- Ooh.

Agatha Christie.

Oh. Indeed.

Oh, whoa.
Oh, boy.

What a day we've had, huh?

- I mean, this...
- I know.

The lost luggage.

Who loses a person's ashes?

I don't know,
I guess some skeletons

are best left
in the closet, right?

- God, I don't know.

- Yeah.
- And you?

Huh?

Married. "Marriaged."

Yeah.

My...

My solo act is finally
coming to a close.

It's crazy.

- Especially for me.
- Yeah.

I mean, I know it is.

- No, come on. Who am I to judge?

Uh, but, yeah,
I thought so at first.

But, you know,
I think what you're doing

is freaking incredible.

And I'm genuinely excited
for you.

You're drunk.

No. No, I'm being serious.

Well, I'm... Okay,
so maybe a little. I mean...

But I'm still serious.

I don't know how you do it.

You tore up
the instruction manual,

and you just
never even looked back.

I mean, you're
the bravest person I know.

And I'm so happy
that you're my friend.

Oh, God.
You're definitely drunk.

You can't even take
a compliment, can you?

No.

But it's true.

I'd never have the guts
to do what you're doing.

Well, I appreciate it.

- I do. I appreciate it.
- You do.

Thank you.

Hey, we're having
a fun trip, aren't we?

Oh. If you hadn't
gotten engaged,

I'm not sure I would have
ever experienced Italy.

What do you think?

Oh. Oh, I can't believe...

I can't believe
what I almost missed.

But the only question is:
How will we mess this all up?

I don't know,
but if we mess it up

the way we've messed up
the trip so far,

I can't wait to find out.

Yeah, but first...

bedtime.

Yeah. Yeah.

- I do need my beauty sleep.
- Yeah.

You know, this doesn't
just happen on its own.

I imagine it's the work
of many skilled artisans.

Yeah,
they're practically unionized.

Okay.

"Of all the gin joints
in all the towns

in all the world,
she walks into mine."

Casablanca.

Remember?

I remember.

You know, my first time
was with you.

What? It was?

The... No, I...
I mean the movie.

- Seeing the movie.
- Oh.

Oh.

I'm not sure we ever
actually made it to the end.

My favorite part. I mean...

Not-not the end.
The not making it to...

I-I knew what you meant
that time.

Okay, you're going to have
to explain something to me.

- Mm-hmm.
- You live in a place

where there are no roads,

but you have a van
in your kitchen?

Uh, siì.

Makes no sense.

That's what makes it so special.

I thought it would make me
want to go somewhere.

But no,
only made me happy to stay.

- I get it.
- Mm.

This place is
absolutely beautiful.

Grazie.

You must, too,
still be a chef, siì?

- Siì.
- Ah.

I can tell.

- Oh, yeah? You can?
- Mm-hmm.

Assolutamente, siì. Your aura.

In the cucina,
everything is now.

Present time.

I see you understand this.

Not worrying about, uh, yesterday,

tomorrow.

Grappa.

It's about living well
for today.

- Salute.
- Salute.

- Mmm.
- A tavola non si invecchia.

It means, "At the table, one..."

"One does not grow old."

You know this saying?

I actually had that
on the wall of my restaurant.

Oh. Really?

It's a sign.

No one smiles like you.

I always remembered this.

Uh, per favore, will you, uh...

- Oh, s... siì, si.
- ...take a picture?

- Mm-hmm.
- Prego.

Quanto sei bella.

You don't look so bad
yourself, Gianni.

So, how long you are
in Venezia, Carolina?

Sadly, we are leaving tomorrow.

Ah.

So, uh, we better take
advantage of tonight, really.

Let me know when you get tired.

Oh, I can do this all night.

Mamma mia.

Don't move.

What are you doing?

That would be me.

Ah, Signora Bridesmaid.

Oh, shit.

You're in the middle
of the canal.

Wow.

Look at us.

For the record,
that thing I said earlier

about your being lazy,

I'd like to take it back.

Hmm.

You called him lazy?
Wh-Why would you do that?

Believe it or not,
I didn't anticipate

running into him again.

Um, perhaps we could
trouble you for a tow.

Perhaps the signora
can swim you back to shore.

See how lazy he is?

I heard you.

Good night?

Don't ask.

You?

Same.

We made pasta.

In a van.

I made pasta in a boat.

Hey.

Last night was really fun,
wasn't it?

I need a minute.

Well, there you go.

Look who's awake.

Good morning.

What happened?

Oh, boy.

Sharon's probably
even worse off.

- Buongiorno.
- Oh.

Ooh. Biscotti.

Oh, well, look who's
very chipper this morning.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, my Halo says
my sleep score was 96.

Ah.

Everyone needs
to stop screaming.

Aw.
Oh.

Hey, what about
if we shift our plans

and-and stayed
another night here?

- No.
No.

Whoa. All right. Wow.

Time to get to Tuscany, huh?

So we... Do we just get back
on the train?

Oh, forget the train.

We got robbed on the train.

Technically, we got robbed
in the train station.

Technically,
we gave our things away

- in the train station.

- Caffè, signore?
Oh, yes. -Me.

Thank you.

" playing]

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ You make my dreams come true

- ♪ You, you, you, you, you
- ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ You

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ You make my dreams come true

- ♪ You, you, you, you, you
- ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ You

♪ I'm waiting for,
waiting for you, girl ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
- ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ You make my dreams come true

- ♪ You, you, you...

Gianni texted me.

- Oh, God.
- That bastard.

Thought we hit something.

No, no, no, no,
you don't understand.

He sent a bunch of photos of us
from last night.

So?

Are we talking, like,
the nudie type pictures or...

- Are you nuts? No.
- Well...

But Bruce is gonna see these.

It goes to my iPad.

Oh, God!

- No.
- What?

He... His crazy broken English.

Gianni wrote...

how nice it was
for me to rub his dough.

Oh, my God.

And-and that it was a very
happy ending to his night.

- Oh, God.

- Yowza.
- Oh, that's terrible.

- Oh, man. Shit, shit, shit.
- Oh, my God, I love it. More.

Got to call Bruce.

Why isn't it ringing?

- Still not going through.
Oh.

It was all innocent, right?

Well, yes.

I mean, we flirted,
but I didn't...

Rub his dough?

Uh...

- No.

Well, how about his meatballs?

- I'm serious.
- Oh, no, no, no.

But did you want to?

No.

I just was trying to have
a little fun.

You know, I-I can't have fun
like that with Bruce around.

Obviously not.

No. Not like that.

- Okay, sorry.
- Oh, what... like what, then?

Like where I don't
have to be afraid

that my husband's gonna
drop dead any second.

Mmm.

I-I just... What would it be?

What would my life be then?

It's one thing
to lose that restaurant,

but I just can't lose Bruce.

Okay. Best friends, tough love.

You know you're
the problem, right?

What are you talking about?

You're just so afraid
of Bruce dying

that you're stopping
the two of you from living.

Seriously, he's probably
thrilled you came on this trip.

The prison guard
finally left her post.

He's probably
getting his first taste

- of freedom, huh?
- Yeah.

Let the man get
a taste of bacon.

- That's not what's going on.
- Isn't it, though?

That is exactly
what is going on,

and you can't see it.

You want the truth?

"You can't handle the truth!"

Sorry, you set me up.

The truth is, at some point,

Bruce actually
might not be here.

And I don't think
that anyone in this car

wants to see you look back

and realize all the time
you squandered

because you were afraid.

So knock it off.

Whoa, Viv.

- Mic drop.
- It's for your own good.

You've got a wonderful husband
who loves you.

And you're both...
you're alive and you're happy.

Stop trying to control
the uncontrollables.

Life is unpredictable,
and it's the surprises

that make it worth living.

- Oh, my God!

We're okay.

Everything's fine.

You know, it's the surprises,
isn't it? -DIANE: Oh, God.

Tell me, what kind of car
doesn't come with a spare?

- That one.

You know, I've never actually
hitchhiked before.

Yeah, well,
in my limited experience,

it helps if someone
actually drives by.

- Well, on the bright side...
- Mm-hmm?

...at least it's not raining.

Why do you tempt fate?

Well, th-there's no such thing
as fate, remember?

Is it too soon to talk about
who we're gonna eat first?

I think we all know.

Hey.

This is really not good.

Yeah, we know.

No, it's really not good.

Thank you for that
brand-new information.

We need to get to Tuscany.

Well, yeah, but we don't need
to get panicky.

You know, w-we're not
under time pressure.

We can just relax. Chill.

I-I am relaxed, but we really
got to start walking now.

- Walk?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

To Tuscany?

Well, if we leave now,
we can be there by the morning,

so let's just get it up and go.

- All right, let's not get all...
No.

Let's get!

Because I'm done
with the not getting, okay?

And this happened,
but there's still time.

- We got time.
- Calm down.

No. We have to be in Tuscany.

We're not not getting
to Tuscany, okay?

Diane, seriously, calm down.

I am.

I'm calm, and I'm gonna
be calmer in Tuscany.

What?

What-what... What was this look?

What the hell is going on?

I-I think
we should just tell her.

Tell me what?

I don't think we should.

Yes.

- Well, we have to now.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do.

You have to. What is going on?

- Well...
- What?

We need to get to Tuscany
because Arthur is there

so that you guys
can get married tomorrow.

- Excuse me?
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

He didn't want the wedding
to be a burden on you,

so when he heard about
the trip, he hatched a plan.

Which was actually
very thoughtful and sweet.

And we're screwing
the whole thing up

by dying by the side
of the road.

W-Wait just a minute.

Arthur is in Tuscany?

At the hotel,
and everyone flew in,

and everything is set up.

It's ready to go.

Y-You don't have to do anything.

Except show up,
which was our job.

And we're still gonna make it,

because the wedding is all set
for tomorrow morning.

So, surprise!

Huh?

She's not saying anything.

Do you think she's mad?

Uh, maybe a little in shock.

- Viv?
- Yeah, just...

Wh-What are you thinking, Slim?

Huh?

Fuck!

At least she's talking.

- Fuck!
- Oh, yikes.

A surprise wedding,
and this happens.

You do not see that as a sign?

I mean, a big sign that
this whole thing is doomed?

No. No, it's not.

- We're still gonna get there.
- And that is right,

because at any minute,

a car's gonna come
right down that road,

and we'll be on our way.

Well...

And if it doesn't?

Because it's...

feels like the world
is conspiring against me.

I mean, look, maybe this really
is not meant to be, guys,

and-and I just have to stop

blowing past
all the warning signs.

Wait, wait. Shut up for a sec.

No, she's making a decent point.

Thank you.

Shh.

Do you hear that?

- What?
- I can't... I don't...

- Oh, my God. Look.
- Oh! Look!

- Look. Look, look, look, look.

A car!
Oh, my God.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

Look alive, ladies.

We've got a wedding to get to!

- Don't let him drive past us.
- Oh, please, God, please.

How's that for a sign?

Our luck has turned.

Thank God.

Officer?

DIANE and VIVIAN:
Oh.

Whoa.

DIANE, CAROL and VIVIAN:
Hi.

- Buonasera, signore.
Buonasera.

- What?
- Um...

Oh, we-we just...

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- We... Wait. Oh.

Well, I...
- Parlate italiano?

- DIANE and SHARON: Uh, no.
No.

I can't believe you guys.

A buff cop
just happens to drive by.

- Uh...
- Oh, okay.

Let's go. Take your shirt off.

- What? No.
- No. N-No. No, Viv.

-What, you
want to start with the pants?

Uh, no, no.
Oh, oh, oh.

- No, y-you don't understand.
- Oh, I see.

You want me to help you?

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
- No! What are you doing?

No, wait. No, wait, wait.

Show us your concealed weapon.

- No, Viv. Viv, stop.
- I-Ignore her.

- He's, um...
- This is not a stripper.

Oh, yeah. Nice try.

- Uh, uh, um...
- Oh!

We're sorry,
but th-that's our car,

and we don't have
a spare tire in it, so we...

we're hitchhiking.

Hitch... Ah, hitchhike.

- Okay.
- Yes.

It was...
it was an innocent mistake.

You know, and in my defense,

you guys have been
full of surprises.

And come on. You saw the guy.

It's been a while,
but he did have

some exotic-dancer-like
qualities.

I do think
he missed his calling.

Well, we-we had a good run,
didn't we?

Hmm.
- I mean, we just pushed past

the point of common sense.

Who do we think we are,
The Rolling Stones?

And we just thought we'd keep
rocking forever? Ugh.

This needed to happen.

It did. It did.
This is the universe

hitting the eject button
on me and Arthur

- once and for all.
Ugh.

Best friends, tough love.

Stop giving the universe
and fate credit for everything.

You're making a choice.

What?

We're on this trip
not because of fate

but because we're best friends
for 50 years.

We show up for each other.

Fate didn't bring us
on this trip.

Our love for each other did.

Love and the wonderful people
at Lufthansa.

It was a nice flight.

You're not marrying Arthur
because of fate.

You're marrying Arthur because
you put in the hard work.

Because you committed to him.

Because you love him.

That's a big deal,
and you should be proud of that.

She makes a really good point.

You should definitely
listen to her.

- Oh. And not you?
- Yeah.

I think things are just
a little bit different for me.

Oh, God.
- What?

Here we go.

Let me get out my tiny violin.

- What?
- Hey.

- Whoa.
- Best friends, tough love.

You always play the victim.

What are you talking about?

"I'm pregnant,
so I can't do this."

Or, "I'm married,
so I can't do that."

"I couldn't even try that

because I'm gonna fall flat
on my face."

You do think of excuses
not to do things.

Enough. Enough.

Okay, fine.

Yeah, okay.

What?

Fine. I mean, I get it.

And you're right.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Okay. Good.

- Do me. Do my...
What?

Do my tough love.

Honestly, I think
you are doing just fine.

Yeah. I mean, I've got nothing.

You've... You made love
in a water taxi in Venice.

- You've had an amazing life.

Just don't get another cat.

- No.
- Oy.

- And there you have it.
Ah.

We'll always have Venice.

Is that the line?

Paris.
"We'll always have Paris."

It's from Casablanca.

But Venice works, too.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

A good night of sleep
will make us all

feel better, I'm sure.

Luckily, that's not an option.

Well, well, well.

Look who it is.
Signora Troublemaker.

God. You again?

I should say the same thing.

I have some bad news.

The juicer's broken,

so our juice won't be
fresh-squeezed this morning?

Comedy. You don't do comedy?

I think you're growing on him.

- Rico.
- Oh.

Look what he got
from Trenitalia.

It was turned in
with your luggage tag.

- No.
- Oh, God.

You've got to be kidding me.

The ashes?

So, you're aware it's illegal?
Hmm?

- Oh, we had a feeling.
Oh, God.

This wedding is doomed.

Wedding?

This is a bachelorette trip, no?

A surprise wedding.

Her first one.

Oh. I'm sorry.

You don't have to be
a jerk about it.

I'm not. I mean it.

Although, in hindsight, I wish
I missed my first wedding.

Maybe it's a blessing.

No. This one was meant to be.

Well, obviously not.

We're destined to fail.

- I'm not cut out to be married.

I think we can all
agree on that.

Chief, are you happy
you got to be part of the end

of this fairy tale
for this woman?

Does that make you feel good?

No, actually.

But this is life.

It's not fair.

It doesn't always feel good.

But what can I do?

No one ever thinks
they can do anything.

I... I'm so sick of it.

Everyone always just throws up
their hand and says,

"Well, it's not meant to be."

It's pathetic.

Y-You're a police chief.

Don't tell me
you got into this work

without wanting to make
a difference, did you?

Didn't you think,

"I'm the good guy,
I'm the hero"?

Isn't that what you thought?

And-and-and now what?

Nothing? Now "that's life"?

No.

Life is what you make of it.

So do something.

Do something brave.

Do something unexpected.

But do something,

because you have four women
in a jail cell

who are desperately hoping
for a reason to believe

there's still
a reason to believe.

So do something, goddamn it,

because this isn't the end
of the freaking story.

I have an idea.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, you're letting us go?

Oh, God.
Tell me that clock is fast.

Nothing in this country is fast.

Chief.

I've got one passenger

that needs to be dropped off
a little early.

You think you could
make that happen?

That would require a permit.

- Oh.
Wait.

Or a special...
special police permission.

I know a place.

Go for it.
- Huh?

Go for it.

You can do it, Diane.

Careful, Diane!

Careful!

I can't open it.

The top, it's stuck.

I can't... I... What the...

- I can't open it.

Oh, my God!

- Diane!

Oh, my... Careful!
Oh, careful!

Oh, God.

I did it.

He really was such a good man.

- He really was.
- Yeah.

I really did love him.

- He loved you, too.

- He would've liked this, right?
- Yeah.

I mean, well,
minus the skydiving part.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

I knew I liked you
the moment I met you.

For me,
it took a little longer.

How can I repay you?

Save me a dance,
and we call it even.

Bring the handcuffs,
and you've got a deal.

Buongiorno!

The bride is here.

Grazie al Signore.

My name is Pasquale,
and I'm ready to marry you.

Get in line, Pasquale.

She's taken.

I sleep, breathe...
I dream your wedding.

I live to make
this wedding happen.

It is my oxygen.

That's so nice. Thank you.

Yes, but do you think that
maybe we should get going?

Siì, si, siì, si. Andiamo.

Music to my ears.

Oh, my God.

Only a little behind schedule.

No worries.

I will check on the groom
and be back to you

- molto, molto presto.
- Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Oh. I-I'm gonna go call Bruce.

- Oh.
- I'll catch up.

- Okay. Okay.
- O-Okay, great.

Let-let's meet in Viv's room.

- We made it.
- Yes.

Few moment more.

- Per favore. Per favore.

Ciao, Pasquale.

Signor Arthur!

Signor Arthur.

What's the good word, Pasquale?

I am very happy to say your
bride-to-be is officially here.

Shall I take you to her?

Oh, I believe that
it's bad luck for the groom

to see the bride
before the ceremony, isn't it?

I don't believe in luck.

I believe in love.

Well, that's why we're all here.

But when you've waited
as long as I have,

what's a few more minutes?

It's true.

Oh, my God.

This is the best sight
I've seen in all of Italy.

Oh.

I missed you so much.

Mmm.

You think this is really
gonna happen?

Mm-hmm.

- I do. I think so.
- Mm. Good.

- Yeah.
- I love a wedding.

Such a romantic.

- I better change, though.
- Better not.

Oh. -I love you
just the way you are.

Oh, come on. Don't burn up
all your romanticism.

I mean, we still got
a long day ahead of us.

You know I don't...

Oh, my God.

Oh, Mitchell.

- What did you do?
- I had no choice.

When I saw that picture, I...
I had to make a call.

I can't wear this, can I?

Donato assured me that this
dress was perfetto for today.

So, who am I to argue?

You're real trouble,
you know that?

That's why I'm here.

Yeah. Trouble.

Oh, Viv.

Look at you.

You look truly beautiful.

You think? Yeah?

- Thank you.
- Stunning.

Thank you. So do you.

Are we ready for this?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, hi.

That's the dress.

- Uh-huh.
- How did you get it?

- Oh, Mitchell.
- Oh, my God.

This guy pulls things
out of his sleeve.

I know.

Bruce still isn't
answering his phone.

- Oh.
- Sorry.

Oh.

- Oh, my God.
Oh!

You all look so beautiful.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.
Why do I feel so nervous?

No, it's-it's just
wedding day jitters.

It's just totally normal.

This is it.

- Yeah.
- This is it.

It's gonna be great.

Can I just say
how much I love you all?

And this was
the best bachelorette trip

I could imagine.

- That is so good,

because it's the best one
we could've thrown.

- Yeah. Big-time.

We way over-delivered.

- Yeah, what else is new?
- Yeah.

- Okay, I need a hug.
- Ooh!

All right.

Aw.

You're the loves of my life.

- You know that.
- No.

Oh, we love you, too.

And I love you all,
but it's time.

Let's get you in that dress.

- Okay.

Oh, here.

- Mmm.
- Oh.

- Um, yeah.

- I hope that was mine.

- Whoa.
- Oh. -Oh.

Hmm.
- Okay.

Well, one of these
was definitely not mine.

Showtime, people.

For real this time.

Well, here we go.

Oh, God.

- What?
- What?

What?

- I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Oh, no.

Well, you know
what that means, don't you?

No. What?

You're pregnant.

I mean, at least that's
what it meant at my wedding.

- Seriously, I...
- Huh? Huh?

This is crazy.

I don't know why
I agreed to do this.

I mean, it makes no sense.

Of course not.
But don't you understand?

That's what makes it so amazing.

Loving someone
and having them love you

is reason enough.

Look at you. Look where we are.

Look at what we've been through.

We made it. And you, Viv.

You have never been one
to follow the flock,

because you are
your own drummer boy, okay?

So just trust your heart, Viv.

Trust it. Trust it.

'Cause it always
guides you right.

Always.

She's right, Slim.

You deserve
your fairy-tale ending.

Let's go get it.

Yeah, you've earned it.

Think of all we've overcome
to get here.

That's true, and now
all the problems are behind us.

We have a problem.

I knew as soon as I said it.

It's fine. We are going
to make a little pause.

A pause?

Wha... Wh-Why?

The priest is missing.

The priest is missing?

This feels like a bad omen.

Mm-mm-mm.

Oh, fine.

I'll do it.

What?

I'll perform the ceremony.

- Really?
- Yeah. I'll marry you.

What?
- Yes!

What good is a judicial title

if you can't degrade yourself
in front of your friends?

- Come on. Let's do it.

Yeah. Yes.

- The wedding is back on.

- From the top.

Hey.

Nice save, Your Honor.

You have no idea.

Okay, and now it's time.

Ah. It's time.

Mm.

- Okay.
- It's time.

- Ooh.

- Oh, oh, that's-that's me.
- What? Oh.

Sorry. Oh, it's Bruce.

- Go. Take it.
- Uh, no.

- I can call him back.
- Take it!

Okay.

- Bruce? Hi.
Un min... momento.

- Continue, please.

Continue.
Just one more tiny moment.

- Grazie. Grazie, grazie.

I got your message, Carol.

I also got your pictures.

The ones with you and Dough Boy.

It isn't what you think.

What are you trying to do,
give me another heart attack?

- Is that your plan?
- No. No, Bruce.

Don't even joke about that.

Believe me, when I get home,

things are gonna be
so different.

Our adventure isn't over yet.

I never should've told you
not to come. It...

Are you sure?

If I could snap my fingers
and fix it all, I would. I...

Y-You should be here.
It's so beautiful.

You don't think the flowers
are a little bit overdone?

What?

The flowers.

I think there's one too many.

Well, that's better.

- Oh, my God.
- Hi.

- Bruce, you're here.
- Hey.

Oh, God. I can't believe it.

Well, I wasn't gonna miss
the chance to walk

my favorite girl down the aisle.
Come on.

Unless, of course,
you prefer Dough Boy.

I've got his number.
Do you want me to call him?

Shut up and kiss me.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, this is Bruce. Sorry.

Oh, thank goodness.
Bruce is here.

To make it official.

Nice dress.

- You like it?
- Mm-hmm.

- I just found it in the closet.
- Mm.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

- Well...

...here we all are,
which is shocking.

And not just because we spent
last night in a jail cell.

It's shocking because
I've known this woman

since we were 19 years old

and I never thought
there would be a man

she was willing
to walk down the aisle for.

But there is such a man,

and he's well deserved
of that unique achievement.

And of my dear friend's hand
in marriage.

- To begin...
- Um, uh, h-hold...

Can I... Can I just say
something quickly?

O-Of course.
This is your big day.

Arthur, is it okay if I talk
to you for just a second

as though I didn't have
this dress on and...

and you didn't have
two rings in your pocket?

Sure.

The truth is
I never wanted to be a wife.

You know, I always saw
a wedding ring as a chain.

You know, a...
a one-link chain of...

of limitation.

But there is no limit to
the love that I have for you.

You know,
that's what I've realized.

That's why I'm here today.

I love you, Arthur.

I love you. I want to move
to New York with you.

I want to walk
in the streets with you.

I want to make love
in the park with you.

Well, not the dirty part
of the park.

You know, the-the clean part,

with the trees and the grass
and no syringes.

We've spent a lifetime apart.

Now we have to figure out a way
how to squeeze a lifetime

into the time we have left.

And we can do it.

We can.

I choose you, Arthur Riley.

I choose you today
and every day.

- You may kiss the bride.

Wait.

Aren't I supposed
to say something?

Oh. Oh, right, sorry.
I-I got swept away.

And-and now,
Arthur with his closing remarks.

Vows, whatever. Go.

You don't want to be
a wife, do you?

You don't want to be married.

That's what you just said,
isn't it?

Yes, I-I guess I did, yeah.

There was a part of me
that believed

that you really wanted
to be married, but...

...who was I kidding?

I knew you'd do this.

I knew it.

Vivian...

I don't need
the title of husband,

and I don't need
the institution of marriage

to know that I'm gonna
choose you every day.

I proposed to you
when we were in our 20s

'cause I was so damn in love
with you that I-I knew then

that I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with you.

And as luck would have it,
or some divine masterstroke,

we reconnected.

And I'll be damned
if I don't still feel the same.

But a little differently.

Oh, I don't love you any less.

And I think I may
understand you a little better.

You're...

like this ring that I'm holding.

A complete and perfect circle
unto your own.

And if you're not always free

to roll on your own
the way you want,

then you're not you.

And it's you that I love.

You're my perfect circle.

So, if you'll allow me
a do-over,

I'd like to ask
my question again.

Aw.

Vivian, I love you
with all my heart.

That has never changed,
and it never will.

But I just got to know...

will you not marry me?

There's nothing I'd love more.

You're supposed to wait
for my cue.

Nobody ever waits for my cue.

May you always love each other
as you do today.

I now pronounce you
not husband and wife.

- Yes!

Yay!

Oh, my God!

- Thanks, man.
- Oh, my God.

Congratulations,
you handsome devil.

He gets it!

Thank you.

We did it.

We made it to the end!

- Wait a second. Come on.
- What? What do you mean?

- Get back up here.
- Wait, what?

- Get back up here.
- Oh.

Can we wait one second, please?

Hmm?

Give me one second.

You said some things back there
about marriage

I've never heard you say before.

Uh-huh.

Uh, can we pause the music
a second, please?

Did you mean what you said--
that love was reason enough--

or were those just words?

Mitchell, is this really
the best time?

I think it is.

Well, fine. Why not?

I guess
it's as good a time as any.

It is.

Maybe a few days ago,
it would've been just words,

but not today.

- Mm.
- It's... it's so easy

to believe in things
when we're young, isn't it?

And we can do whatever we want,
and everything is possible.

And then we get older,

and life starts to silence us.

- But guess what.
- What?

- The whisper is still there.
- Mm.

And if you pay
close enough attention,

- you're gonna hear it.
- Mm.

In my case,
it was a trip with my friends.

And I heard it
in the art we saw.

Remember the art?

And the moments
that we shared together.

And the whisper just got
a little bit louder,

and everything started to feel
a little more possible.

And now, here I am standing
in front of the man I love,

surrounded by my best friends
in the world,

and all I can see
is what's in front of me.

- Mm.
- So, you want to know

- what I think, really?
- Yes.

I think love is reason enough

and the rest of our lives
start today,

so what are we waiting for?

- I'm not waiting.
- Oh, you're not?

- Okay. Okay.
I'm here.

Oh, boy. I'm not sure
how you follow that.

You don't follow that.
You just ride alongside of it.

And you thank your lucky stars
every day that you do.

Diane, I've never...
I've never been married before

because I never found someone
that made me see

the reason why I should.

Don't you dare move.

Oh. What?

Don't...

Arthur, the ring.
I need the ring.

I don't...

Congratulations.

Uh-huh.
- Thank you.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

- I can't believe it.
- Diane...

- Okay, yes. Oh, my God.

Yes. Yes.

You're my reason.

Will you marry me?

And I promise I'm not asking
because I'm pregnant.

Yes.

Hell yes, I'll marry you.

I'll marry you right now.

- Oh, my God.
Bruce.

Congratulations.

- Di!
- Well, this is fun.

- Yes.
- Diane, you crazy person.

Do you take Mitchell to be
your lawfully wedded husband,

to love and cherish you
from this day forward?

Yes.

You're supposed to say, "I do."

Oh, okay.

I... I say...

- yes, I do.

I'll take it.

DIANE [laughing]:
I'm sorry.

And, Mitchell, do you take Diane
and all her delightful insanity

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

- I do, and I can't wait.

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

- Nobody waits for my cue.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Hey, Chief.

How does a woman in her 70s

- end up getting married?

In Italy, no less.

She takes control
of her own destiny.

- Gosh.

I love you. Love you.

What's she doing?

- Okay, run.

No, actually, let's walk fast.

- What-what are you...

What are you doing?

So... So, I'm gonna do
this honeymoon thing,

but I just wanted to ask,

well, what are we doing next?

I don't know, but I know
one thing for sure--

we're not gonna
leave it up to fate.

- Right!
- Aw.

I love you guys!

♪ Hey, hey

♪ Now it's hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Go, go, Joe

♪ You mixed-up siciliano

♪ All you calabrese

♪ Do the mambo like crazy

♪ And hey, mambo

♪ Don't wanna tarantella

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ No more the mozzarella,
hey, mambo ♪

♪ Hey, mambo italiano,
try an enchilada ♪

♪ With the fish-a baccalà and ♪

♪ Hey, goombah

♪ I love-a how you dance rumba

♪ But take-a some advice,
paisano ♪

♪ Learn how to mambo

♪ If you're gonna be a square

♪ You're never gonna
go nowhere ♪

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Hey, mambo italiano

♪ Go, go, Joe

♪ Shake-a like a Giovanno

♪ Hello, che si dice?

♪ Get-a happy in the feets-a

♪ When you mambo italiano

♪ Shake-a, baby, shake-a

♪ 'Cause I love-a
when you take-a me and ♪

♪ Hey, jadrool

♪ You don't-a
have to go to school ♪

♪ Just make a little
beef flambino ♪

♪ It's-a like-a vino

♪ Kid, you good-lookin'

♪ But you don't know
what's a-cookin' till you ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey
- ♪ Hey, hey

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

♪ Shake-a, baby, shake-a

♪ 'Cause I love-a
when you take-a me ♪

♪ By the pizzeria,
that's-a where I'm gonna be-a ♪

♪ Don't you tell your mama,
mama's gonna tell-a papa ♪

♪ There's-a nothin' to it,
come on, baby, let's-a do it ♪

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Mambo italiano

♪ Go, go, Joe

♪ You mixed-up siciliano

♪ It's so delish-a,
everybody come ♪

♪ Capisce how to

♪ Mambo italiano...

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Hey, mambo

♪ Do the mambo.

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Sign me up

♪ For sunsets on a Roman patio

♪ Hop a train

♪ And say hello
to Michelangelo ♪

♪ Spin the globe,
put your finger down ♪

♪ I'll pick you up, let's go

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I would go anywhere with you

♪ From Tokyo
all the way to Timbuktu ♪

♪ Just let me pack,
I got your back ♪

♪ Through all
the thick and thin ♪

♪ Our dandelion dreams

♪ Are out there
blowing in the wind ♪

♪ My friends,
I would go anywhere ♪

♪ Oh, anywhere with you

♪ Pitch a tent

♪ At Burning Man,
get crazy for a while ♪

♪ Jump a float

♪ At Mardi Gras
just to see you smile ♪

♪ Tell me where you want to go

♪ Train or plane, sun or snow

♪ Life's too short
for saying no ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I would go anywhere with you

♪ From Tokyo
all the way to Timbuktu ♪

♪ Just let me pack,
I got your back ♪

♪ Through all
the thick and thin ♪

♪ Our dandelion dreams

♪ Are out there
blowing in the wind ♪

♪ My friends,
I would go anywhere ♪

♪ Oh, anywhere with you

♪ My friends,
I would go anywhere ♪

♪ Oh, anywhere with you

♪ Aisle or window,
I don't care ♪

♪ How many hours
till we're there ♪

♪ I want a dry martini
in the air ♪

♪ And a seat right next to you

♪ Punch my ticket, count me in

♪ Dance till dawn
with all my friends ♪

♪ Read the book
right to the end ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I would go anywhere with you

♪ From Tokyo
all the way to Timbuktu ♪

♪ Just let me pack,
I got your back ♪

♪ Through all
the thick and thin ♪

♪ Our dandelion dreams

♪ Are out there
blowing in the wind ♪

♪ My friends,
I would go anywhere ♪

♪ Oh, anywhere with you

♪ My friends, go anywhere

♪ Oh, anywhere with you

♪ My friends, go anywhere

♪ Oh, anywhere

♪ With you.