Original subtitles

WOMAN: Previously onMad About You...

I was just thinking...

And no implication here but I was gonna leave

so do you want to split a cab?

Actually, I thought I'd take a walk.

Okay. Do you want to split a walk?

-What's the matter with you? -I know.

I don't know what's going on. I mean, I-- I--

I really wanted to go with her.

Jamie and I aren't doing so great right now.

We have to talk.

I kissed Doug Berkus.

I got to get out of here.

I can't really be here right now.

-Where are you going? -I don't know where.

-Are you coming back? -I don't know.

Shouldn't we talk about this?

No. I can't talk about this now. I can't talk.

Okay, wait, just wait.

What's gonna happen now? What happens now?

I don't know, I don't know.

I'm-- I'm...

I don't know.

-I got nothing to say to her. -He's got nothing to say to her.

-He has nothing to say to you. -He has nothing to say to me?

Listen, my parents don't know anything about this, so...

And they don't need to know, so...

Can we just pretend, for at least the afternoon,

that we're still us.

Okay.

If we could either move the anniversary party

-or the engagement party-- -[SNORTS]

"Engagement party." Thank you, sweetheart.

All right, why don't we cut to the chase, okay?

Who's gonna change the party date?

I give you $10,000.

BOTH: Sold.

♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

ZIGGY: May I have your attention, everybody?

May I have your attention?

Why aren't you standing next to your wife?

Because I'm not.

May I have your attention, everybody?

I know it's none of my business.

Go stand next to your wife.

Tabbouleh?

-[GROANS] -[CLATTER]

May I have your attention?

I'll give you each 60 bucks for your attention.

Suckers. I would've gone to 80.

First, let me say that I am sure

that you are as surprised as I am to be here

to toast my son's engagement.

I thought for the sure, the kid was gay.

[LAUGHTER]

My son, Sanford, met a wonderful girl.

Dumped her and then met Lisa.

But I kid. I kid.

And I look forward to the nuts and bolts

of the 218-page pre-nup being hammered out

and we can all gather together at the wedding

to say, "Go figure."

And so now, we raise our glasses

-to my son, Sanford... -GUESTS: Hear, hear.

...and to his fiancée, Lisa.

Enjoy yourselves.

And for God's sake, don't break anything.

[LAUGHTER]

Ahh.

You know, you got to come to my club next weekend

and then I'll tell you all about dookie ball.

-"Dookie ball"? -Yeah.

It's gonna sweep the nation.

-Honey, congratulations. -Oh, thank you.

I'm not feeling great. I'm gonna go.

-Did you talk to him? -This isn't the time or place.

Okay, okay but at least come say goodbye to Sanford.

Happiest day of my life.

-You got a great girl there. -Don't I, though?

Hey, Sanford, Jamie wants to say goodbye to you.

-I wish you every happiness. -Thanks.

Amen.

There you are.

Burt and Sylvia. I'm so glad you could make it.

We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I wanna tell you, kids, one thing.

In the end, money means nothing.

Oh, I wouldn't say nothing.

It means something

but it means very little compared to love.

Dad, that's true. But trust even more than love,

don't you think? Because really, what's love if there's no trust?

Hmm, maybe you're right. Trust above everything.

Yeah. You hear that, honey?

Apparently, trust above everything else.

I'll talk to you later.

Where you going? I didn't say-- He said it.

-Did I say something wrong? -No, no. She's just...

-Hey, hey. -You are such a jackass.

-I'm a jackass? -Yes.

Fine, so leave me for another guy. why don't you?

I'm not leaving you. God.

You're hitting me. Interesting.

What do you wanna do?

I don't know.

You wanna go home and talk?

No, no I can't go home. I don't like our home.

Do you wanna go somewhere else and talk?

-Not particularly. -Okay, fine.

-Where you going? -If you don't wanna talk--

-Who said I didn't wanna? -You.

-I did not. -I just said, Do you wanna talk?

I didn't like the way you said it.

I'm so tired of not talking to you.

Then talk to me.

-How you doing? -I'm fine.

I don't trust you anymore.

Well, if you're never gonna trust me again--

-Did I say that? -No, but the way--

Why don't you stop putting words in my mouth.

-I'm sorry. -Thank you. Geez.

All right. Go ahead. Go ahead.

You don't trust me anymore... Because...

Because?

Because I kissed another man?

Yeah. That's certainly not a plus, you know.

That's not something that exactly

endears you more to me.

Okay, listen to me.

I am so sorry.

I could not be more sorry.

If I have to apologize every day for the rest of my life,

then I will, okay? I am that sorry.

I thought you did a very nice job at the party.

Thanks.

How does this happen all of a sudden?

It's not all of a sudden.

Why do you think I kept saying we need time together?

Why I kept pushing for us to get away together?

I knew something was going on.

-With Berkus? -With us.

This guy is not the problem.

You kissed him.

You know?

You kissed him. Do you know

what that's like for me to have to imagine?

That another guy's lips were on your lips.

What kind of kiss was that? You never even told me.

Like where-- Where were his hands?

-Where were your hands? -Stop it. Stop it.

What were you doing? Seriously. Like you stroking his hair--

-Really, stop it. -Pulling him close to you.

-You really wanna know? -Yeah, I would like to know.

-You're doing what? -Fine.

-He leaned in, I-- -Shut up. Shut up now.

Well, then stop asking me about it.

How do I know that this never happened before?

-Because I'm telling you. -So what's that?

Honesty's your strongest personality trait right now?

Actually, yes.

How do I know what happened in Albany?

-Nothing happened in Albany. -Okay, says you.

I didn't even get to Albany.

I turned around and came back because I wanted to be with you.

Well, I don't know, you know. I just--

I just--

-I just hate this. -What?

I just hate this.

I'm gonna be 40 years old,

and I'm standing in a park, asking you questions like,

"Where were the guy's hands?"

I mean, it's just so...

It's just so pedestrian.

Who said we're not pedestrian?

I just always assumed that you and I

would be immune to this kind of crap.

Well, we're not.

When I started working so hard this year

and had to put in longer hours--

-I always supported you. -Yes, you did.

I said you go you do what you have to do.

-Yes, you did. -Why?

Because I believed in you, and I trusted you--

No, because you liked it.

I like what? I liked you working with this guy?

No. Me not being around. Because that meant it was okay

for you to not be around. So that way

everything was even and nothing would be your fault.

-What wouldn't be my fault? -Whatever is wrong with us.

However much we drift apart, however much we don't talk.

When don't we talk?

Come on.

In the last three months how many times

have we eaten dinner together?

How many times have we done something fun on a weekend?

When was the last we made love because we wanted to

not because it was good clinical timing?

Tell me. When?

I don't know.

Is that what you want out of marriage?

Don't you think we deserve better?

First, I don't know anybody who talks more than we do.

I wouldn't wanna know anybody who talks more than we do.

We're talking but nobody is saying

the nasty, old, ugly truth.

-Which is what? -This isn't working.

I reach out for you and you're not there.

I'm certainly not there for you.

You've been working--

Yes, I've been working and you've been working

and we're killing ourselves,

and saving and planning, and for what?

For this baby that's not coming.

We've been trying a year and it's not happening.

What? Is that my fault?

No, it's not.

God, what is wrong you? It's like you're a child.

-Thank you. -Is that what you think I just--

Well, the way you said it--

-I'm not saying that! -Okay. Fine. All right.

It's just, you know, it's not something

that makes me feel particularly swell,

you know. I'm not exactly doing my job in that department.

-You were tested. You're fine. -So were you.

-Yeah, but come on. -What?

Let's stop kidding ourselves.

If there's something wrong, it's me.

No. No.

Look, the truth is, you can always have kids,

-whereas I-- -What's that mean?

It means what it means.

You can have kids, so if I can't, then, fine.

All right, fine. You'll move on.

-Move on? -Yes, you'll leave--

-Leave? -You could.

That's what you think?

If I was in your place,

and it's my one chance to father a child--

Well, then shame on you.

Shame on you if that's what you think of me,

that I would leave you?

I'm not saying you will.

No, but if I do, in case I do, you go find another guy

and why don't you leave me first?

Maybe.

How can you doubt my love for you?

Because I do.

Well, then, you know what?

You will never get it.

-What? -You just--

If you can't have kids,

I can't have kids.

Whatever happens to you happens to me.

Whatever happens, happens to us. Do you not get that by now?

I thought I did.

You know, I don't know how to be a better husband.

I really don't

and I think I'm pretty damn good.

-You are. -Thank you.

-And so am I. -Yes, you are. Yes, of course.

I think we're both pretty damn good.

And yet, nobody here is happy.

I told you.

-What? -I told you when I met you.

Two people--

Together forever...

It's not realistic. I think it's--

I think it's too hard.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

So maybe this is it.

You know, we gave it our best shot.

This is as far as we got.

It's a lot farther than most people get, you know.

Maybe.

Really?

I don't know how to do better than this.

So...

Sew buttons.

Um, would you do me a favor, and...

Would you tell your sister that I'm sorry? I don't--

Okay.

Am I dreaming?

I'm sorry. I'm really just so sorry.

You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who has to be sorry.

I just want you.

I love you.

I just love you.

-I don't care how hard it is. -I don't, either.

I do really-- I love you,

is the thing.

[ALARM CLOCK TICKING]

[ALARM CLOCK DINGS]