All language subtitles for enMad.About.You.S04.E19.1080p.WEBRIP-Amazon The Procedure

Oh, you got a call.

-Oh yeah, who?
-Andy Griffith.

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

-Who?
-Andy Griffith?

-Andy Griffith?
-Yeah, Andy Griffith.

Andy Griffith?
I don't know Andy Griffith.

-Are you sure?
-That's what he said.

Andy Griffith? Are you sure
it was Griffith, "ith"?

Yes, Andy Griffith... "ith".

I don't know Andy Griffith.
Why would he call me?

I don't know.
Here's the number.

Andy Griffith.

-I'll dial it.
-No, no, no, I'll do it.

-[PHONE BEEPS]
-It's very strange.

Hello.
Hi, is Andy Griffith there?

Randy Rifkin?

I had the TV on.

Hey, Randy.

♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

FRAN: Come on. Don't be shy.

-JAMIE: Okay. Are you ready?
-Ready.

-BOTH: No, no, no, no.
-Why not?

-Not sexy enough.
-Too sexy.

She is going to
the hospital for God sakes.

What? Victoria Secret
models don't get sick?

-I think he might like it.
-Work it, girl.

Here. Try something like this.
This looks good.

Yeah, if I were
Louisa May Alcott.

Excuse me.

Do you carry these
in full figure sizes?

-You want that in full figure?
-Yes.

-Is that for your wife?
-Yes.

-She's a full-figured gal, huh?
-Yes.

Yeah, right whatever.
It's back there.

Thank you.

Wife, yeah, right.

Try this.

You don't want me
to look good for Dr. Griffin.

What are you talking about?

Of course I want
you to look good.

Why wouldn't I want
you to look good?

But...You're his patient.
He's your doctor.

-He's gonna operate on you.
-It's not an operation.

It's a minor procedure.
Five minutes and it's over.

The rest of the time
I'm making an impression.

Hey, you know what?
I once got my tooth pulled

just to meet a dentist.

-You did?
-Yeah, it's the one right here.

Yeah, well,
it's not appropriate.

Okay.
How about this?

Honey, black for surgery?

I don't think that's
the statement you wanna make.

-It's surgery, not a date.
-It's a date.

She is lying there unconscious.

What? You've never been
on a date like that before?

Listen to me, you.
This is my thing.

I have to find out
why I'm not getting pregnant.

You go and make
your own appointment with him.

I might. I just might.

Oh, God,
you guys are so pathetic.

It's just sad. Can I come?

Well, I never saw the memo.

Come on, Paulie,
we've got to go.

It's not a memo that I saw.

Would you get
off the phone already?

Nobody's saying
you didn't send the memo.

Hollis, nobody
is calling you a liar.

Hey, listen,
you're the one who insisted

on taking James to the hospital.

I'm not gonna
not be with James for this.

So get off the phone.

You know what, Hollis...
Don't come down now.

Don't come down
because this is really not--

Okay. Fine.
Come on down now.

This guy is gonna
suck the life right out of me.

Hey, Paulie,
you got more of these pens?

-Why?
-I really like this one.

It's got terrific action.
Look at this.

[CLICKS PEN REPEATEDLY]

It's a pen.

-Can I have it?
-Take the pen.

Good. Thanks. Come on,
let's get you out of here.

I can't. He's gotta come over,
he's got to yell at me first.

-What now?
-Yeah.

I violated some company
policy or something.

Oh, really?
What'd you do?

Do you remember the commercial
I shot for Jamie's boss?

It was a thing of beauty,
Paulie.

Whatever.
If seems there's a memo

that the company
employees are not allowed

to align themselves publicly
with political candidates.

Come on, Paulie.
This guy is an idiot.

Yeah, but to such an extent
you can't imagine.

What? You're going
to stick around for him?

You're right.
Let's get out of here.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

-I really do like this pen.
-Keep the pen.

-Paul?
-Hi, Hollis.

-Leaving early?
-Ah...

-What are you writing now?
-Nothing.

Because I'm in the middle
of a little meeting.

-Uh-huh. Little meeting?
-Is that against the rules now?

I sent out a memo
about using company time

for meetings
of a personal nature.

No, this is not personal.
Actually, this is my agent.

-Your agent?
-Yeah.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-I don't believe we met.
-No, I don't believe we have.

-I'm Hollis, Hollis Pavel.
-Ira.

-Ira?
-Unibal.

-Uniball?
-Yes.

-Like the pen?
-No, one "L".

Unibal. It's Portuguese.

-What agency are you with?
-What agency? Unibal Talent.

I have no record of Paul
having representation.

That's 'cause
I just signed with him.

Yes, indeed, he did

and we could not be
more excited.

You see, we see Mr. Buchman
as a very valuable

and exceptionally talented--

-Please! You don't have to--
-No, no, no...

Lot of agents out there fighting
for Mr. Buchman's signature

-as you well know.
-Yeah, I didn't.

Well, there has been,
and we are very excited

and feel privileged
that he selected us.

So you went
with Unibal, did you?

I did. I did because, Hollis,
to me, it's really a question

of do you want to be
a little fish in a big pond,

or a big fish in a little pond?

-So you chose the...?
-Big fish tiny little pond.

Actually it's good
that you're here, Mr. Uniball.

-Unibal. Unibal.
-One L.

Because I came down
to notify you, Paul,

of a little meeting
we're gonna have

to discuss your breach
of corporate policy.

That's gonna be
at 2:30, upstairs.

-Is that today?
-Yes.

-Oh, perhaps I should be there.
-Yes, perhaps you should.

That's good. Terrific. Okay?
2:30, upstairs.

-IRA: Here we go.
-Where did you get that pen?

What this?
Actually, I don't remember. Why?

Oh nothing.

-Hey.
-Hey, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I told you
you didn't have to come.

Fran is going to take me.

Honey, I'm taking you.
I want to take you.

-I thought you had work to do.
-No.

-I thought you had a meeting.
-It's not important.

I mean,
you're going to the hospital.

You're having an operation.

It's not an operation.
It's a minor procedure.

-Okay. Okay. What is this?
-What?

This?

-That? Nothing.
-I can see that.

-What is it?
-You like it?

Yeah, but more, importantly,

I think the very handsome
doctor boy is gonna love this.

-You think so?
-Oh, yes.

Good. What slippers do you like?
My blue ones or these?

-Sweetie?
-What?

-It's an outpatient procedure.
-I know.

So which sweater? The pink one
or the gold one with buttons?

-Am I me or Dr. Griffin?
-I'll just take both.

-Are you nervous?
-No.

-Because you can be nervous.
-I know.

-You're allowed to be nervous.
-I know, but I'm not.

'Cause you're packing like
we're going overseas here.

I just want options.

Well, I'm sure Dr. Griffin
will be very impressed.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

-Who is that? Fran?
-Yeah, let her in, will you?

I'm going with you.

I wanna be there
when you wake up.

Hey.

Okay. Now, do I gotta go
put on a tuxedo?

-What are you doing?
-What? You don't like it?

-I can't believe you did this.
-FRAN: What?

You went home and changed
to impress Dr. Griffin.

He's that good looking?

-Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.

-How's my lipstick?
-It's very straight and even.

How's mine?

You're both
very beautiful and perfect.

So unfair.

You're not coming
in there with me.

TANNOY: Dr. Griffin,
Dr. Griffin,

please report to pediatrics.

Oh, my God. Come on.
Where's pediatrics?

That way.

Hey, Fran, are
we going to lunch?

I'll be right back.

So what?
So you decided to stay.

Yeah, she keeps telling me to go

but I don't think
she wants me to--

-Oh, it's just a ruse.
-It's a big ruse.

-Yeah, for your benefit.
-She's putting on a brave face.

Exactly.

-How could we miss him?
-I don't know.

-Pediatrics is so small.
-You know, Jamie, there's--

TANNOY: Dr. Griffin,
Dr. Griffin,

BOTH: Sh, sh, sh!

TANNOY: please
report to the cafeteria.

-Where's the cafeteria?
-This way.

See?
See what you're seeing there?

Very common syndrome,
very common.

You learn all about it
first year of med school.

What? What is that?

The doctor as God, as deity.

You see, the patient
comes in here

with fragile psyche.

And they have to build
the doctor up

to uh, almost God-like status

describing to him
super human qualities

so that in their mind,

they can trust the doctor
with the operation.

It's just a minor procedure.

-You know what I'm saying.
-Yeah.

So this whole hoopla
about Griffin,

that's just a charade?

Oh, no. I mean,
he's a good-looking fella,

-don't get me wrong.
-No, no.

I'm not saying
he's a piece of dog meat.

I mean, he's unquestionably
a very handsome man.

-"Unquestionably"?
-Although, between you and me,

I think he wears
a little make-up.

-Make-up?
-A little. A little base, yeah.

-Huh!
-And maybe some eyeliner.

But the women
they go nuts for this guy.

Boy, that is something.

And I'll tell you something.

He is no more attractive
than you and me.

-Is that right?
-Yeah, yeah.

in fact, you're looking terrific
these days.

-So are you.
-Me? Really? You think so?

Yeah, we're both
good looking guys.

We are, yeah.
What do you do to your hair?

It's like you blow dry it,
it's fluffy. It's not flat.

-I got a certain cream I use.
-Really?

-But you lost weight--
-No, you know what I do?

I do these ab crunches.
They're not sit-ups.

They're like just crunches,
you know, side to side.

-You know what the secret is?
-What?

Little, very tiny.
Less is more.

-Really? How many can you do?
-Oh, I don't know, five, 6000.

The thing is, the guy,
he's a surgeon.

You're a good-looking guy
but if you're a surgeon,

then you're devastating.

So even like an ugly surgeon
comes off as handsome?

Yeah, it's what kind
of doctor you are.

Like an ugly surgeon
is more handsome

than a handsome podiatrist.

-How can that be?
-It's the way it is.

The doors closed so fast.

-Mr. and Mrs. Buchman?
-BOTH: Yes.

-Would you follow me, please?
-Now?

-Where's Dr. Griffin?
-He'll see you inside.

Oh! I can't believe
I missed him.

Hey, I'm not
exactly a podiatrist.

Honey, you don't have to stay.

It's a minor procedure,
right, Mark?

-Absolutely.
-I'm going with you.

-Okay. Bye-bye.
-Bye.

We'll see you afterwards.

Don't worry
you're in good hands.

It'll be all over
before you know it.

We'll see you when you get back.

We'll be waiting for you,
all right?

-So don't you worry.
-Good luck. I love you.

All right. Okay. Okay.
That's enough. Let's go.

-Are we ready?
-Yes.

Okay. Take everything off,

and I do mean everything
and put this on.

-Ties go in the back.
-Actually, I brought my own.

You did? Well, isn't that sweet?
Put this on.

-It's not that bad, honey.
-Why can't I wear my own?

Because this is a hospital,
not the Playboy channel.

This would actually look
very nice on you.

I'd like to talk
to Dr. Griffin, please.

You can talk to him
before you go into the OR.

-Now let's get a move on.
-Why can't I talk to him now?

You see?
It's all open in the back.

You got a nice breeze
going there.

Also you have to take off
all your jewelry

-and your make-up.
-Why?

You look great
without your make-up.

And we have a nice little pair
of shoes for you too.

Pretty shoes.
You like shoes.

Here's a pretty hat.

You're getting a whole outfit
for crying out loud.

Okay. I'm not wearing this.

Honey, if you want the surgery,
you don't have any choice.

It's not surgery.
It's a minor procedure.

Whatever.

Now, are you going
to cooperate or not?

Honey, why don't you
just play along with them?

-Or do whatever you want.
-I don't have time for this.

[KNOCKING]

What's the problem?

Mark, I wanna wear my own gown.

-Paul, let her wear the gown.
-No, no, no, this one.

Oh, isn't this pretty?

-Lisa helped me pick it out.
-Really?

-Nurse, let her wear the gown.
-But, Doctor, that--

But what?

The woman is my patient
and I'm telling you,

let her wear the gown.
Is that understood?

-Yes, Dr. Devenaux.
-Good.

-How about that, huh?
-[PAUL WHISTLES]

Paulie, I'm telling you
I can handle this.

-You're gonna go to my meeting?
-IRA: Yes.

-And represent me?
-IRA: Yes!

[HOSPITAL LOUDSPEAKER]

Okay. You know, don't you,
this is not camp?

-This is like an actual job.
-I understand.

Sort of like a livelihood
kind of thing for me.

Paulie, come on, it's me
and Hollis alone in a room.

How hard can it be?
The man is an idiot.

You know, he actually believes
that you're my agent.

I rest my case.

All right. Listen.
Don't tell them

-what I'm doing today.
-IRA: I won't.

Because we're keeping
this kind of private.

-Paulie!
-All right.

-So if he asks where I am--
-Hey, hey, hey,

has Ira Unibal
ever let you down, ever?

Not since I signed with him, no.

Okay.

So relax, go kiss your wife.
I'll talk to you later.

-All right.
-IRA: Vaya con Dios.

Yeah, I'm good and screwed.

Everyone, this is Mr. Unibal.

Mr. Unibal, allow me
to introduce you

to the board of directors.

The majority owners
of the Explorer Channel.

[PHONE RINGS]

Nurses station.
Mr. Buchman?

-Thank you. Hello?
-Paulie, it's me.

Splinky, what sayest thou?

Listen man,
we're up that bad, bad creek

without that crucial paddle.

Hollis talking tough?

Mon frere,
it is more than just Hollis.

It's the entire board
of the Explorer Channel.

-The board is there?
-Yes, Paulie

and I have seen parole boards
that look friendlier.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Haul thine arse down here

as swiftly as humanly
possible, tout suite.

I can't!

Paulie, I'm telling you
as your agent.

Alright, you know what?
Just stall them.

Stall them
and I'll call you back.

-IRA: All right.
-Okay.

-[MACHINES BEEP]
-NURSE: There you go.

Are you starting
to feel relaxed?

Yesh. I mean yesh.

Yesh. I want to say yesh
but I'm saying yesh.

It's just the sedative
kicking in.

-DR. GRIFFIN: Hello, Jamie.
-Hi, Dr. Griffin!

So how is my patient?
Are they treating you okay?

Hi, Dr. Griffin!

We'll be starting
in just a minute.

-When?
-Now don't be nervous.

Everything will be fine.

ANESTHETIST: Mrs. Buchman,
this won't hurt a bit.

Okay. Now listen to me.

The problem is
I have a very high tolerance.

I need more than the average
dosage to put me out, really.

Okay. Now, Mrs. Buchman,
count backwards from ten.

Ten.

Um, how would I page a doctor?

-Who do you want to page?
-Dr. Devenaux.

-Dr. Devenaux?
-Yeah.

Thank you.

-Paul--
-Listen, I've got an emergency.

-What?
-FRAN: James?

No, no, no. She's fine.
She's still in surgery.

I just got a thing
at the office.

I might be in big trouble.

Jamie, will be asleep for hours.

-You swear?
-Absolutely.

I wanna be there
when she wakes up.

The minute she starts
to come to, we'll beep you.

-You swear?
-We both swear.

-Okay. All right. Thank you.
-No, no problem.

DR. GRIFFIN: Did you
see ERlast night?

ANESTHETIST: Mm, yeah.

See Chicago Hope?

DR. GRIFFIN: That show
hasn't worked for me

since Mandy Patinkin left.

You know,
I bought 3000 shares of that--

-Excuse me?
-Yeah?

Could you pay a little more
attention to me, please?

DR. GRIFFIN: Don't worry. I am.

Well, you're talking
about your golf game

and your stock markets,

what you watched on TV
last night.

-You have a problem with that?
-Yeah, you're operating on me.

It's not really an operation.
It's just a minor procedure.

Well, would you just watch
what you're doing, please.

Don't worry.
I'm very good at this.

So how am I doing, doc?

I don't wanna
get sued or anything.

You won't. I just want to know.
I need to know.

You won't quote me
when you're awake?

I won't quote you.
I won't quote you.

Everything seems to be
in working order.

-Really?
-So far.

So you're saying I'm all right?
I can have children?

I'm saying there don't seem
to be any medical problems.

What does that mean?

It means when the time is right,
one way or another,

you'll have children.

Can you do me
one more little favor?

What?

-Can you take off the mask?
-No.

-Oh, come on.
-Can't.

Yes, you can.
Please take off the mask.

I'm all scrubbed up
and everything.

Do me one big favor
and take off the mask.

-[HE SIGHS]
-All right. Go ahead.

♪ [ANGELIC MUSIC PLAYING]

JAMIE: Wow, you're gorgeous!

DR. GRIFFIN: My broker said
Medatron was the way to go.

When I checked the stock market
this morning,

it dropped four points.

If I could just find a broker
as good as my golf instructor.

Hi, hi, sorry.
I got here as soon as I could.

Well, well, here we are.
Okay, Paul, tell them.

Yeah, okay, um...

Tell them why you
violated company policy

to shoot
that political endorsement.

Okay.

-Um, you see I...
-Tell them why, Paul. Why?

Because, gentlemen,
my client was led astray.

-Yes. By whom you ask.
-By who?

By me. I led him astray.
I, Ira Unibal.

-You know what, Ira--
-No, no, no, Paul.

Better to let them
know the truth

than to let them live
in a shroud of deception.

Yeah, I suppose that is true.

I told him I had
been given clearance

by everybody in the company,
by everyone who is of import

who needed to give me
that clearance,

and, folks, it humbles me
to have to admit this, but...

I lied.

Yes, I lied to my client.

I lied to my friend.

But most of all,
I lied to you.

It's Unibal,
one "L", one "L".

-You lied?
-Yes.

-You never spoke to them.
-Never.

-I never had clearance?
-Never.

So I'm out there shooting, I had
no clearance from them at all?

None.

I'm horrified.
Believe me. I'm mortified.

I am horrified.

I am just mortified
and horrified both.

Horrified. I'm mortified.
I'm ossified. Is that a word?

Well, I'm mortified
and horrified for sure.

That I let myself be duped,

that I was represented
by this man

whose ways and tactics
were not fully known to me

and then I let him represent me
and damage my reputation

and damage your reputation

and the bond that we've all
worked so hard here

at the Explorer Channel
to achieve.

-I admit Mis--
-Unibal.

Let me just say that you
are hereby summarily dismissed.

-But--
-No buts, no buts.

As of this moment,
I am no longer represented

-by Unibal Talent.
-But--

What did I say? No buts.

Just get out of here,
it's as if we never met!

I can only...

What can I do?
I apologize, you know?

-I apologize to you.
-We had no idea.

-Believe me, you know, myself...
-We should apologize to you.

Well, I don't know if that's...

-If I may just say a few--
-Hollis?

-Sorry.
-It's all right. No apology.

You know, I'm certainly
glad we settled this issue

and I have
some previous commitments,

so I really must bid you all

a very good afternoon.
Thank you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

-You were very good.
-Ossified?

Hey, James. Hey.

Oh, it's you.
It's you, it's you.

How you doing? You okay?

I think so.
Did you talk to Dr. Griffin?

I talked to him in the hall,

and he said everything
seems to be perfect.

Really? He didn't find anything?

Nothing.

-Yay.
-Yay!

So there's nothing
wrong with me?

-No.
-Yay...

-So how come we're not pregnant?
-Oh, don't go there.

-Well no if there's nothing--
-Sweetie, we have good news.

-Let it be for five minutes.
-Sorry.

Come on.
Just think about something nice.

What do you think
of Dr. Griffin?

Could you look up
a number for me, please?

It's the Unibal Talent Agency.

It's Unibal, Unibal, one "L".
It's Portuguese.

Right?
Interesting, no listing?

Right. How about in Queens?

So there's no
Unibal Talent Agency

listing in New York.
Interesting.

How about New Jersey?
Okay. All right.

Well, would you look?
Nothing?

So what you're saying here is
there is no Unibal Talent Agency

listing in the country?
Okay. Thank you.

You know what?
Could you just check Portugal?

Really?