Original subtitles

[HICCUPS]

-Boo! -[GASPS]

[HICCUPS]

[YELLS]

[HICCUPS]

-Just forget it. -[SIGHS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

PAUL: I thought we're gonna have breakfast together.

JAMIE: It's nice they give you expensive equipment

-to play with. -Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

Okay, here we go.

Eggs, toast, home fries and steak.

Steak for breakfast?

Have you read a paper in the last 20 years?

It's all right every once in a while.

At least we're having a meal together.

You are a wonderful person. So, where are you going?

I'm out of time. You eat it.

-You're not going to eat? -I don't eat that.

I thought we were going to talk?

-JAMIE: So, let's talk. -All right.

-So, anyway-- -JAMIE: What?

So, Ira and Iris, you know, they're hot and heavy again now.

-JAMIE: What? -I said--

-JAMIE: How does she look? -So you heard me.

She looks great, you know, the same, a little older.

JAMIE: They're so perfect for each other.

Wouldn't it be great if it worked out?

You bet.

JAMIE: Why? I thought you liked her?

-No, I said, you bet. -JAMIE: You bet?

You bet! No, you-- It's not worth it.

-What did you say? -I wasn't even talking to you.

-All right. How is this? -See, now,

that's a shirt I would take you very seriously in.

Would you do me a gigantic favor?

-I'm eating. -No, if you were Doug Berkus,

would you do me a gigantic favor?

-Whose that, Brockwell's boy? -JAMIE: Yes.

-How big of a favor? -Recommended me to Brockwell,

so Brockwell will recommended me to the Mayor,

to be the chairperson of the Fun City Committee.

-Of the Fun City Committee? -Yes.

Would you do me that favor?

Undo one button.

Yes, I would.

You don't think that's really gonna work,

-do you? -What?

That Fun City Committee.

You're gonna convince people who are afraid

to come to New York that it's really safe?

-Why not? -Because it's not.

No, I want it, I'm only gonna get it

is if Berkus goes out of his way

and does this big favor for me with Brockwell.

-It's a big favor? -JAMIE: Enormous.

Undo another button.

And a little egg for the madam.

I had forgotten what a good kisser you are.

The truth is I didn't kiss this good

-three years ago. -Sure you did.

All right, I did. So, how is the egg?

-It looks perfect. -Just like you like them,

runny on the inside crispy on the edge.

You're a good man, Ira Buchman.

I told you that three years ago.

Yeah, but then you didn't call for two.

-SOPHIE: Can anybody close this? -Sure I can,

because you know who I am, don't you?

BOTH: The strongest man in the world.

That's right. There you go.

-SOPHIE: Thank you. -You're welcome.

Man, I can't believe how beautiful she got.

-I did that. -I see.

-Did you do me that favor? -What favor?

-IRIS: The picture. -What picture?

Ira, you promised her you get

that autographed picture of the Mayor.

I know. I'm teasing you! It's all done.

I already talked to Paulie. He already talked to Jamie.

-I'm getting the picture. -She's counting on it.

I know, I said. Hey, listen,

do I ever make a promise that I cannot keep?

-[IRIS SCOFFS] -No, not the old Ira,

the new Ira.

If I can chair that committee,

I can have influence over policy,

and if I have influence over policy,

it's gonna affect legislation.

-And then what? -I don't know.

-Everything is so political. -It's City Hall.

-I know, but it's so political. -JAMIE: See you at lunch.

If you can, please don't forget the picture.

-What picture? -The favor for Ira.

-Picture of Giuliani. -Yes, Giuliani'’s picture.

Sure, I'll do it when I can. Wish me luck.

Good luck, you.

What happened to our breakfast together?

It was a nice thought.

You know, Iris and Ira are back together again.

IRA: Well?

I'm telling you, the zoom on this thing is unbelievable.

-Paulie? -I am looking at a guy,

on 19th Street in his apartment, stuffing an owl.

-Is it dead? -Oh, I hope to God.

Listen, did James get the picture

-of Giuliani or what? -Today, it should be today.

I've got to have it next time I see Sophie.

Okay, I will.

[SNIFFS]

-Did you have a steak? -What are you? Part wolf?

Yes, as a matter of fact I did, this morning.

For breakfast? Paulie, I'm impressed.

I'm working my way backwards through the day.

For dinner, I'm having Corn Flakes.

I wouldn't futz with that.

-I'm not futzing. -You're saying today,

-on the picture? -PAUL: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I asked you to do me a little favor.

-And I did. I told you. -Please, I'm begging.

All right. Boy, that guy loves that owl!

Oh, yeah, I know that, Larry.

Uh-huh. Yes, I know that. Uh-huh.

Yes. I understand that, Larry.

-Yeah. How much? -I hate this game.

-You never pay me. -Oh, come on.

All right, five bucks.

Put it on my tab.

It's so unfair, because you never pay me.

Wow. I don't know if I can do that, Larry.

Why, Larry?

Because it's just not doable. All right, Larry?

-That would be? Larry. -Larry, yeah.

I am sick and tired

of people asking for favors 24 hours a day.

Take, take, take, give me, give me, give me.

That's what I like about you, Jamie,

you're not a favor person. That's what I like about you

and that's why you're never gonna succeed in politics.

If you ever want anything,

you're gonna have to learn to play the favor game.

Actually, I do have one favor.

Forget it, I'm not doing any favors for you.

-Do you know why? -Because you don't owe me.

Bingo. See? And we just played

the favor game, and you lost. Anyway, you won't believe

how many calls I've had this morning

on this Fun City Committee.

Everybody wants their guy to be chairman.

-It is so political. -Actually,

-I had a thought about that. -Yeah, you too?

What, do you have somebody you want to recommend?

RECEPTIONIST: Korean Embassy, line two.

Great. I've got to take this. Can we talk about this later?

-Yeah, do you wanna have lunch? -Oh, I can't.

I have a lunch meeting with Brockwell.

Maybe we could have a drink after work?

-I can't, Paul and I promised-- -Paul?

Oh, Paul, right. Yeah. Okay, well, another time?

-Okay. -Right.

I chickened out. How much do I hate me now!

-Hey... -I used to be so brave.

I'm like a shell of my former self.

You've got the whole afternoon.

You'll go back, and ask him again.

And I will. I'll ask him.

It's what I come up with when he says no and smiles.

-He won't say no. -No?

No, no one is gonna do

-a better job than you. -You're very sweet.

Who works like you do at City Hall?

-No one. -Exactly.

Know why you can't fight City Hall?

Because people like you. They fight right back.

It's just so awkward asking him for a favor.

It's like you're standing there naked,

all the artifice has been stripped away.

I think you're looking at this thing all wrong.

Imagine him naked. You know what I mean?

He's not doing you the favor.

-I'm doing a him a favor. -PAUL: Exactly.

Imagine him naked! Imagine him naked.

Imagine him naked.

-Not for so long. -I don't need to do this.

-So what else? -PAUL: What else what?

Honey, your lens is in the hummus.

-PAUL: I beg your pardon? -Camera.

Hey!

I don't even think you can hurt this camera.

This camera is unbelievable.

The zoom, it's so powerful.

This afternoon from across Broadway,

I saw inside a cab driver's ear.

I don't wanna look at it.

-I really don't want to-- -Look at the picture.

You can see right through his Eustachian tube.

-It's very gross. -Yeah.

If you think that's gross wait to you see--

-Where is this? -He wants to play that game.

I just have to play it better.

Exactly what you have to do.

While you're doing that maybe could ask him

-about Ira's little favor? -Yes, I will.

Ira's favor is gonna have to get in line

-behind my favor. -That's understood.

Listen, I don't want it to become a big deal.

-It won't. -I just don't think

we should make no deal about it.

We won't.

-Let's make a small deal. -We will.

Okay. Here's a guy six blocks away,

-and he's walking a Pomeranian-- -Honey, put it away.

-Or a huge rat. -Would you put the camera away?

We look like tourists.

This is unbelievable.

-Wow! Look at this. -What?

It's your little friends from the office.

Lance and what's his name? Doug and some other guy.

-Lance and Doug? Where? -They're in an alley in Vermont.

JAMIE: Wow! That's some zoom.

-Let me see. -PAUL: One second.

Arthur here has conducted an informal, anonymous poll.

The City Council will support you.

What about the borough presence?

-Pretty much. -Brooklyn?

-Yes. -Queens?

-No. -The Bronx?

-Undecided. -Staten Island?

-Staten island wants to secede. -Wow.

We probably shouldn't even be talking like this.

If Rudy even saw us together--

He would have our heads on a silver platter.

God, I love politics. It's so political.

You needed the best campaign manager out there, Lance.

And Arthur here is the best.

We should thank Rudy for firing him.

[CHUCKLING]

Next time Rudy fires someone, he better have a good reason.

Arthur, you were indicted, but...

[GROANS]

Oh, it's hot!

I burned the roof of my mouth.

-Here's a napkin. -Oh, thanks.

[SPITS]

This guy is gonna be Mayor?

Why would Lance be in an alley, eating a geero?

-Gyro. -Geero.

-It's gyro. -A Greek person told me geero.

-Ira always told me Gyro. -Then case closed.

I don't even think it's them?

Really?

Oh, my God, it's definitely them.

-By the way, gyro. -Who is this other guy?

I've seen him somewhere. I can't place it.

I don't know.

What is Lance doing?

That, I believe, is the expression you make

when hot lamb shoots out of your mouth.

IRA: Here we go. Lunch is on.

I thought we were doing Chinese?

-Yeah, I know, but I thought... -But you said Chinese.

Iris, there was a line. These are terrific sandwiches.

-But you swore Chinese. -I know.

You're doing it again.

What? I'm doing what?

This morning we talked, and I asked--

And you said you wanted Chinese.

IRIS: And you said you wanted sandwiches.

I don't think you understand how terrific these sandwiches are.

No, we committed to Chinese.

What the hell are we talking about?

Was it a promise or not?

[CHUCKLES]

Let me ask you a question.

When I didn't call you two years ago,

how come you didn't just call me?

Shut up.

-Hey, Ira. -Hey, Sophie. Listen.

I didn't forget about that picture.

Yeah, yeah.

-Ira? -What?

[CHUCKLES]

-What? -Where is it?

-I'm getting it. -You don't have it.

I do have it, I'm just getting it.

Sweetie, you'll be getting it in about two years.

No, you'll be getting it right now.

-And you know why? -IRIS: Why?

Because the new Ira don't mess around.

I'll be back.

DOUG: Oh, great you're here.

Doug, I need to say something.

-Come on. Double or nothing? -No, wait.

Just let me say this.

I think I would make a terrific chairperson

for the Fun City Committee.

[LAUGHS]

You kill me.

I would do a great job.

-Of course you would. -I know it's a big favor.

No, it's not a big favor, it's a gigantic favor.

It's an enormous favor.

It's the favor that ate Cleveland.

I get it.

This is not about who would do the best job.

-It's not? -No, no, no, no.

-You know who would do that. -Me!

Yes, of course you, you're great,

but this is about raw power, who has it and who wants it.

And do you know who has it right now?

-Not me? -DOUG: Right.

Me. And do you know who else has it?

-Not me? -Right.

Lance, of course. He'll make the actual decision.

And do you know who else has it?

-Not, not me again? -Yes.

-Oh, me? No, not me? -No. Not you.

Basically everybody but you.

Lance will take you're recommendation.

Yeah, of course, he will. And do you know why?

Because he owes you a favor?

Exactly, and this is a system that runs on favors.

I mean, I hate it. But what am I gonna do?

-Buck the system? -Yeah, right.

-I'll tell you what. -Yeah?

-I'll shoot you for it. -What?

I'll shoot you for it. If I get it in, I get the job.

-DOUG: Come on. -What, are you chicken?

All right. Go ahead.

-Okay. Wait, wait, wait. -Nice try.

-One more. Two out of three. -No, Jamie, I can't.

Come on. You know I can't. Please, don't hate me.

I don't hate you.

And because I'm a bigger man than you,

I'm giving you my ideas for the Fun City Committee.

What's this?

It's a little present from Paul.

He thought you and Lance might enjoy it.

Arthur, we got a problem here. I think we're being blackmailed.

Well, put Arthur on.

-Who took this? -Buchman's husband.

-What's his name? -Paul.

-Paul what? -Buchman.

-His name is Buchman too? -Yes.

I dunno. Nowadays a lot of times,

the woman will keep their maiden names.

-You never heard of that? -Yes.

-I wonder what they want? -DOUG: I don't know.

-I can make one phone call. -No, no phone calls.

-No phone calls? -No, none.

-ARTHUR: Not even one? -None.

-Come on. One little phone call? -DOUG: No!

You realize what that picture can do to us, do you?

Yes, I realize. Okay? Let me handle it.

I think I can keep Brockwell out of it.

Let you handle it?

You've handled it so far and look where it's got us.

I'm asking you as a favor.

All right, but you owe me one.

You know what we did in the old days

when something like this came up?

-What? -We made a phone call.

-Picture? [CLICKS FINGERS] -I got the picture.

-You got the picture? -Yes.

-Great. Where is it? -I'm getting it tomorrow.

Paulie, I asked you

-to do me a little favor. -Tomorrow.

-He says, "No, problem." -It's not.

-Jamie is gonna take care of it. -She did. She has.

If I didn't think you could do it,

I never would have asked. Just a little itty-bitty favor.

Have I mentioned to you I'm giving it to you tomorrow?

Please.

Boy, I never heard of a nine-year-old

that loves the Mayor so much.

Forget the kid. I'm working for the mother now.

[PHONE RINGING]

This thing is so broken. It's unbelievable.

-You futzed with it. -I futzed with it.

See what you can do, something.

-Hello. -Paul, Doug Berkus.

Doug Berkus? How are you? [MOUTHS]

-Ask him about the photo. -[WHISPERS] I know.

I'm calling about the picture.

You're calling about the picture?

Yeah, Jamie was just in my office.

We had a very interesting chat.

-Oh, she's great, isn't she? -Oh, the best.

If this is gonna be too much of a problem--

No, not necessarily.

Can you meet me later this afternoon?

These kind of conversations over the phone make me nervous.

I dunno why it'd make you nervous.

Sure. You want me to swing by your office?

No, I'll tell you where to meet me.

There's this place.

You know where King crosses Verick?

I can find that.

-Tell him it has to autographed. -Shh!

-Are you with someone? -Just a friend.

-Careful. That's expensive. -"Expensive"?

That camera is gonna wind up costing someone a lot of money.

Hey, not over the phone. Look, look, look.

-Meet me in half an hour, okay? -Okay. Bye.

Why do you got to be interrupting me for?

-Will I get my picture? -Yes.

Apparently Jamie came through, so you owe me.

Oh, here, I fixed it.

All right. So we're even.

-[TV PLAYS] -Doug.

-How are you? -Okay.

-So-- -Wow, you must be blind!

DOUG: Let's keep this short, huh?

Uh, short it is, then.

MAN: You are blind and you should die!

So, what do you want?

Oh, it's not for me. It's...

She's a bright girl and she loves politics

and she just-- She really wants this.

Yeah, and you're just being the good husband, huh?

-I'm-- Yeah, okay. -MAN: Traveling!

Geez, he took 14 steps! Open your eyes!

They don't actually hear you when you scream.

-Jump! -Let's talk business, huh?

-So do you have it, the picture? -On me?

-You didn't bring it with you? -No, it's back in my office.

-Are there anymore? -I only need one.

Well put.

So, uh, you want to give it to Jamie?

You don't seem to leave me much choice.

We'll just consider the matter closed then, huh?

MAN: Jam it, baby! Jam it in his face!

Who is playing?

Oh, it's the Harlem Globetrotters.

No, I don't know how to fix it, that's why I'm calling you.

I'll be happy to hold. Listen, I was in the middle--

-I'm home. -Boy, are you home.

-You're not gonna believe it. -Look what I did to this camera.

-You futzed with it? -I futzed with it.

-Honey, I got it. -You got it?

I got it! First I thought I wasn't gonna get it

-and then I got it. -Good for you.

You got the chairwoman, personship.

See how political correctness ruined this nice moment?

JAMIE: Do we have anything to celebrate with?

PAUL: I'm sure we do. That is just all good news.

Now that my stock is high all of a sudden,

I can ask him for your picture.

Is cold duck champagne?

What you talking about?

You already asked him for the picture.

-Who? -Berkus. He called.

He called. Berkus.

-You talked to Berkus? -Yeah, he called me,

he wanted me to go meet him,

so I go to this dive. And then--

It's weird. He acts like it is a big momentous thing

and he doesn't even bring the picture with him.

I never mentioned the picture.

Well, you must have.

No, and the only picture I mentioned

was the one you took.

The Polaroid of him and--

-Yeah, of him and Lance and-- -This guy?

You know who this is?

He's the only one of the three who knows how to eat a Gyro.

No, this is-- What's his name?

This is Giuliani'’s campaign manager.

Giuliani fired him.

Giuliani fired this guy?

I gave Berkus this picture.

-He must think-- Oh, my God. -What?

-Oh, my God. -PAUL: What?

Oh, my God!

Now you have to tell me what,

because I dunno what you're talking about.

I think we just blackmailed my boss.

I wouldn't have guessed that.

JAMIE: So, of course, I had no idea.

I had no idea.

We had no idea you thought we tried to use that picture

to get a favor out of you.

It was a mistake, plain and simple,

and people make mistakes, Doug. Is it Doug or Douglas?

-No one is gonna believe it. -Doug.

And Lance really isn't gonna believe it.

He'll laugh. He'll have a big hardy,

throaty laugh, a chortle, really.

No, this discussion can't leave this office.

I don't want this assignment if I didn't get it on merit.

-Honey? -DOUG: What's the difference?

No, I couldn't. I'll resign.

-Jamie? -Sweetie.

-What? -Do me a favor.

-Do the man a favor. -Yes, anything.

-Keep the job. -Keep the job.

-Keep the job? -Yes, keep the job

and whatever you do don't say anything to anybody.

You can survive blackmail in politics,

but you cannot survive your own stupidity.

So you're asking me to cover up your stupidity?

Yes, would you?

-As a favor? -Yes.

I get it. This is fun.

See? He's signing it for you himself.

-MAYOR: Here you go. -Usually, it's a machine.

-Great. -I owe you one.

-I owe you one. -I owe you one.

-I owe you one. -Mayor, I owe you a big favor.

MAYOR: Now you know why I hate politics, sweetheart.

I don't even know who you are.