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1
00:00:04,970 --> 00:00:07,628
Sweetie, did you write a check
to the gas co...
2
00:00:21,297 --> 00:00:23,230
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
3
00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:59,404
-So?
-I'm getting it.
4
00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:00,784
-Are you sure?
-Yes, definitely.
5
00:01:00,784 --> 00:01:02,579
You know how you can feel
when it's coming?
6
00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:03,718
Of course.
7
00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,617
-PAUL: Do you feel it coming?
-I'm getting it.
8
00:01:05,617 --> 00:01:06,652
Well, just don't.
9
00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:09,172
What are you wearing?
10
00:01:11,726 --> 00:01:12,727
Pants.
11
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,041
-Pants?
-Yes, pants.
12
00:01:16,766 --> 00:01:18,906
Those aren't pants?
Are those pants?
13
00:01:18,906 --> 00:01:21,081
-They're cute.
-They're pajama bottoms.
14
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,015
What, so, pajama bottoms
are not pants now?
15
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,294
Aren't you filming the pandas
at the zoo today?
16
00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:28,605
I am, yes.
17
00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:31,298
-So, you're going out in public?
-Yes.
18
00:01:32,022 --> 00:01:33,852
-In your pajama bottoms?
-That's right.
19
00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:36,544
Do you really think the crew
is gonna respect a director
20
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:38,167
who is running around
in his pajamas?
21
00:01:39,237 --> 00:01:40,341
You ever seen my crew?
22
00:01:40,341 --> 00:01:41,998
They've got their pants
half way down their ass.
23
00:01:41,998 --> 00:01:43,413
What, are you kidding?
24
00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:45,588
They're gonna look up
to pajamas.
25
00:01:46,692 --> 00:01:47,728
Here it comes.
26
00:01:48,384 --> 00:01:50,420
-PAUL: You feel it?
-Yes, I can feel it coming.
27
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,353
Maybe this time it won't come.
28
00:01:52,353 --> 00:01:54,148
-And here it is.
-All right, so I'm wrong.
29
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,805
Take those off
and put some pants on.
30
00:01:56,495 --> 00:01:58,048
Every month it's like this.
31
00:01:58,048 --> 00:01:59,809
The truth is
they're not really periods.
32
00:01:59,809 --> 00:02:01,742
They're more
like exclamation points.
33
00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:05,918
-Poor kid. Are you all right?
-JAMIE: Yes.
34
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:08,058
She gets so depressed.
35
00:02:08,058 --> 00:02:09,922
I keep telling her,
it's only been four months.
36
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,614
We've have been trying.
Just relax.
37
00:02:11,614 --> 00:02:13,512
You can't tell someone
to just relax.
38
00:02:13,512 --> 00:02:15,583
It's the worst
possible advice ever!
39
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,448
That's what I was hoping to do.
40
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,486
My plan was give her the
worst advice I possibly could.
41
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:23,660
I'm making an appointment
with Dr. Stein.
42
00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:25,214
-Who?
-Dr. Stein.
43
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,285
-The fertility guy?
-JAMIE: Yes.
44
00:02:27,285 --> 00:02:29,114
-Why? Don't.
-I'm going to. I have to.
45
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:31,668
He said he won't talk to you
until at least six months.
46
00:02:31,668 --> 00:02:32,704
So? I'll lie.
47
00:02:33,601 --> 00:02:35,396
-You can't lie about that.
-Why?
48
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,778
Why can't I tell him I've been
infertile for two years?
49
00:02:37,778 --> 00:02:40,263
Tell me why? Yeah, exactly.
50
00:02:40,263 --> 00:02:41,885
How are they gonna check up
on that?
51
00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:43,301
It's all done
on the honor system.
52
00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:48,409
-All right, Fran. I'm ready.
-Oh, that.
53
00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,653
I didn't realize
what a bad day it was.
54
00:02:50,653 --> 00:02:52,310
-It can wait.
-Fran, come on.
55
00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:54,657
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm fine. Tell me.
56
00:02:54,657 --> 00:02:56,866
-[SIGHS] Are you sure?
-Yes, of course.
57
00:02:57,384 --> 00:03:00,041
All right.
Mindy Bresick is having twins.
58
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,079
-See?
-No! Are you kidding me?
59
00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:05,737
Mindy Bresick is having twins?
Do you hear this?
60
00:03:05,737 --> 00:03:07,566
We are failures as breeders.
61
00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:10,500
We are put on this earth
to breed and we have failed.
62
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,400
-How do you make that kind leap?
-It's true. We tried, we failed.
63
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,229
Sweetie, I think
that's a little bit harsh.
64
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,024
-Have we tried? Have we failed?
-Yes. Well--
65
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:18,198
Okay. We tried, we failed.
66
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,856
I never should have told you
this story.
67
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:24,480
-You asked. I did not volunteer.
-Fran, it's fine.
68
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,896
People get pregnant.
People have babies.
69
00:03:26,896 --> 00:03:28,138
That's just the way it is.
70
00:03:28,656 --> 00:03:31,003
Because we haven't gotten lucky
doesn't mean the world stops.
71
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:32,488
The fact
Mindy Bresick's husband
72
00:03:32,488 --> 00:03:33,834
-is practically a Eunuch--
-All right.
73
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:36,077
Sweetie, you know what?
I've told you a million times.
74
00:03:36,077 --> 00:03:37,769
-You have to learn to--
-What?
75
00:03:37,769 --> 00:03:40,220
-To relax?
-No, I wasn't going to say that.
76
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,843
Just to be upset.
As upset as you want to be.
77
00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:45,949
I can't wait another two months.
78
00:03:45,949 --> 00:03:48,193
We've got to do something.
It's making me crazy.
79
00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:50,954
You know what Mark and I did?
I dunno if it made a difference,
80
00:03:50,954 --> 00:03:52,232
but it sure was fun.
81
00:03:53,854 --> 00:03:55,338
Nobody is going to say what?
82
00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:56,581
-What?
-What?
83
00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:58,997
We rented a great room
at a fancy hotel.
84
00:03:58,997 --> 00:04:01,517
We ordered room service,
we had champagne.
85
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:03,864
Honey, that sounds like fun.
Room service, champagne.
86
00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:06,107
Room service, champagne.
Good, I've got to go to the zoo.
87
00:04:06,556 --> 00:04:08,696
-JAMIE: In your pajamas?
-Yes, in my pajamas?
88
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:11,872
You know what you should do?
Come on!
89
00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:12,976
-What?
-What?
90
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:16,014
Thank you.
You should talk to Mark.
91
00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:19,224
All right, we will talk to Mark.
Pandas get paid by the hour.
92
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,782
-Good morning, everybody.
-Good morning.
93
00:04:25,782 --> 00:04:26,887
How are you doing?
94
00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:28,820
[MONKEYS SCREECHING
IN THE DISTANCE]
95
00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:32,133
-What?
-Nothing.
96
00:04:33,652 --> 00:04:35,413
They're practically the same
as pants!
97
00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:36,414
All right.
98
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,865
Eh, is that the new light meter?
99
00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:43,317
-Yeah, ain't it a beaut?
-Yeah. Can I see it?
100
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,355
All right, look, be careful.
101
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,564
I just had this custom made
for me in Japan.
102
00:04:48,564 --> 00:04:50,566
I'm gonna be careful.
I just wanna see the thing.
103
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:51,946
-You get so-- Whoa!
-Whoa!
104
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,432
Not my fault!
105
00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:55,674
-Oh, man!
-Not my fault!
106
00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:56,779
Whose fault was it?
107
00:04:56,779 --> 00:04:58,367
We'll climb down there
and we'll get it.
108
00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,092
I'm not climbing down there.
You dropped it!
109
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:02,750
Somebody has to go down there
and get it.
110
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,132
-Yeah, you got any ideas?
-Hey, guys.
111
00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:06,375
-Hey!
-Hey!
112
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:08,480
What are you doing?
113
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,137
-Just working?
-Working, huh?
114
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,588
Just trying to get
a light reading.
115
00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:14,244
Right. So you haven't shot
anything yet, huh?
116
00:05:14,244 --> 00:05:16,316
We haven't shot, no.
What are you writing there?
117
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,386
It's nothing.
118
00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:20,699
By the way,
where the hell are the bears?
119
00:05:21,182 --> 00:05:22,977
-They're in there.
-You sure?
120
00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:25,014
Because I don't see them.
Do you guys see them?
121
00:05:25,014 --> 00:05:26,740
They're probably
a little nervous
122
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:28,051
with all the lights
and everybody.
123
00:05:28,051 --> 00:05:30,709
-They'll come out. Don't worry.
-Don't worry?
124
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:32,677
I think we have
a little problem here,
125
00:05:32,677 --> 00:05:35,783
and I think I'm gonna have
to call the office. Okay?
126
00:05:36,646 --> 00:05:39,028
-Say, is that your new phone?
-Sure is. I just got it.
127
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:45,931
Can I see it?
128
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:57,702
This doesn't work.
129
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,435
I've been reading
this same issue of Tennis
130
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:07,746
since I've been coming here.
131
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,990
What is so humiliating
about this?
132
00:06:17,238 --> 00:06:18,239
You don't see it?
133
00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:21,450
No, I'd like to watch TV
like this.
134
00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:26,040
-Hey, Mark!
-PAUL: Hey, Mark!
135
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,904
Hello, how are you?
You were just here, what?
136
00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:29,354
Your last exam
was three months ago.
137
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:32,288
We're just here to chat.
My little bride is concerned.
138
00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:35,118
It's been four months and
we're not exactly pregnant yet.
139
00:06:35,118 --> 00:06:37,086
I understand fully your anxiety,
however,
140
00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:39,951
clinically it's too early
to draw any conclusions.
141
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,953
So, there's nothing we can do?
142
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:44,783
People will tell you to relax,
143
00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:47,717
but anybody who tells you that
is an idiot,
144
00:06:47,717 --> 00:06:49,029
because how are you gonna relax?
145
00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:51,203
With all that tension
and anxiety?
146
00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:53,413
So there must be something
we can do.
147
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,070
-I feel like I have no control.
-Yeah, there's a lot of things.
148
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:57,658
They're a little unconventional,
149
00:06:58,072 --> 00:07:00,109
and how effective they are
is open to debate,
150
00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:02,042
but I've seen some of them work.
151
00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:03,733
-Like what?
-Like what?
152
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:06,978
Like, I don't know,
for instance, yams.
153
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,327
-Yams?
-Yams have been known
154
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:13,018
-to raise the estrogen level?
-Really?
155
00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:15,469
So yams as opposed
to sweet potatoes?
156
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:18,507
Sweet potatoes good for nothing,
worthless little tuber,
157
00:07:18,507 --> 00:07:21,233
-but yams on the other hand--
-So, yams. Okay.
158
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:24,305
-And then there's chi.
-BOTH: Chi?
159
00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:25,583
Chi is an energy.
160
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:28,171
In Asian culture,
they believe that infertility
161
00:07:28,171 --> 00:07:30,415
is caused by a blockage
of the spleen flow.
162
00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:32,624
Would somebody...
What does the spleen do?
163
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:34,384
-Nobody knows.
-I don't!
164
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:38,319
There's a health food store
over on 6th, a great store,
165
00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:41,081
and they have organic herbs
and tonics
166
00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:43,773
and they have a whole section
related to fertility.
167
00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:45,395
-The corner of 6th?
-MARK: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
168
00:07:45,395 --> 00:07:48,295
And then, of course,
the fur people believe--
169
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:49,779
-The fur people?
-MARK: The fur people.
170
00:07:49,779 --> 00:07:51,056
-What fur people?
-MARK: It's a tribe
171
00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:53,058
in the Djibouti section
of the Sahara,
172
00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:55,302
and they have
this tribal fertility dance.
173
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,305
-Fertility dance?
-Yeah, and believe it or not,
174
00:07:58,305 --> 00:08:02,240
they have the highest recorded
fertility rate in the world.
175
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,344
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
176
00:08:03,344 --> 00:08:06,209
I'd like to see a little bit
of the actual dance.
177
00:08:07,245 --> 00:08:09,040
-I'll bet you would.
-No, come on.
178
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,111
You say it's the highest
fertility rate in the world.
179
00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:12,940
-Show us a little bit.
-It's very complicated.
180
00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:14,666
-A small part.
-Just a little bit.
181
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:16,668
It's one of those to the sun,
182
00:08:16,668 --> 00:08:19,499
and to the Earth
and then to the fire,
183
00:08:20,223 --> 00:08:22,260
and the rain and the wind
and the sun
184
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:25,228
and the Earth and the fire,
and the wind and the fire...
185
00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:28,577
You'll watch if on tape.
You'll see!
186
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:37,517
Look at all this stuff?
Where do you begin?
187
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,796
Look at the labels, maybe
they specify for fertility.
188
00:08:40,796 --> 00:08:41,797
Senility.
189
00:08:43,453 --> 00:08:46,008
Sterility. Irritability.
190
00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,251
Fertility, here we go.
191
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,564
Wild yam root.
192
00:08:52,359 --> 00:08:55,155
That's the root
of the actual wild yam.
193
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:57,502
It says takes with meals.
194
00:08:57,951 --> 00:08:59,228
All right. Take that with meals.
195
00:08:59,228 --> 00:09:01,368
-Blessed thistle.
-Thistle?
196
00:09:01,368 --> 00:09:03,439
Thistle.
It's the blessed thistle.
197
00:09:04,371 --> 00:09:06,200
It's not the regular thistle.
That's the blessed thistle.
198
00:09:07,270 --> 00:09:09,100
I wish they had regular thistle
because they blessed,
199
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,653
I get a little bloated
from the blessed.
200
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,794
It says,
"Take on an empty stomach."
201
00:09:13,794 --> 00:09:15,589
So, this is empty,
that's full stomach.
202
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,384
You remember full.
I'll remember empty.
203
00:09:17,384 --> 00:09:18,661
I got full. You got empty.
204
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,767
Full stomach,
full stomach, full stomach.
205
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,493
Have you ever eaten
cramped bark?
206
00:09:24,702 --> 00:09:25,806
I've always wanted to.
207
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,879
-Look, honey, "Don Quai."
-What is it?
208
00:09:30,431 --> 00:09:31,985
-Don Quai.
-"Don ki?"
209
00:09:33,124 --> 00:09:34,401
-Don Quai.
-Ki.
210
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:36,714
-Quai!
-Ki!
211
00:09:36,714 --> 00:09:38,370
-Quai!
-Ki, Don ki!
212
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,958
-How do you know?
-Let it be ki!
213
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,171
-I just can't.
-Grow up, would you?
214
00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:49,036
Look at this, you can steam it.
215
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:51,383
You can roast it,
you can steep it like a tea.
216
00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:54,973
Take this three times a day,
you take it four times a day,
217
00:09:54,973 --> 00:09:57,424
you can take it six times a day
or once a day.
218
00:09:57,907 --> 00:10:00,289
You cannot take this at all
and it still would help you.
219
00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:03,948
That's the kind of
miracle herb it is.
220
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,984
Look, sweetie,
fertility recipes.
221
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,883
-Do we have a pressure cooker?
-Sure we do.
222
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:10,161
We put all this stuff
into the pressure cooker,
223
00:10:10,161 --> 00:10:11,714
and you make a stew.
224
00:10:11,714 --> 00:10:13,164
We've been going
at it all wrong.
225
00:10:13,164 --> 00:10:14,614
Apparently,
babies come from stew.
226
00:10:18,928 --> 00:10:20,171
Wow, smell this!
227
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,971
Do we eat that or just lobby it
into a room full of anarchists?
228
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,630
Don't make fun.
I have to eat it.
229
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,563
Come on, we're gonna go rub you,
unblock your spleen.
230
00:10:33,563 --> 00:10:35,565
We're gonna get so much chi
flowing out of you,
231
00:10:35,565 --> 00:10:37,567
you're gonna have to come in
and clean it up.
232
00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,330
I read that the sperm counts
233
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:45,334
have mysteriously declined
50 percent in the last 75 years.
234
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:47,060
You know why? Fluoride.
235
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,509
You're gonna have
to get checked.
236
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:51,202
I will. I'm gonna get checked,
but first, let's rub you.
237
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:53,066
Come on.
Come over here.
238
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:55,862
Fifty percent
in the last 75 years!
239
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,864
Does it mean my father
would have a better chance
240
00:10:57,864 --> 00:10:59,072
of getting you pregnant than me?
241
00:11:02,316 --> 00:11:05,526
Yes. Statistically, he would.
242
00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:07,287
A little frightening.
All right, here we go.
243
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:10,600
Don't look, you look there.
You're relaxing, okay?
244
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,776
So, it's point B One.
245
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:22,336
GV to Six.
246
00:11:23,337 --> 00:11:24,338
Here.
247
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:34,521
You know something?
I think I feel something.
248
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,110
Foolish?
249
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:42,218
I may very well be feeling
my spleen unblocking.
250
00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:43,772
Really? It's wild.
251
00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:46,464
Okay, so this connects
to the spleen
252
00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:50,675
and this connects
to your fax modem or something.
253
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:54,783
Maybe you're right.
254
00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:56,577
Maybe I'm getting all worked up
over nothing.
255
00:11:56,577 --> 00:11:58,752
-Maybe I just have to relax.
-That's right.
256
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:03,584
-It's ironic, though, isn't it?
-What?
257
00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,829
-I'm the only boy in my family.
-Yeah.
258
00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:08,728
-I only have sisters.
-Yeah.
259
00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:12,455
So, technically,
I can be the last Buchman.
260
00:12:13,215 --> 00:12:14,561
Honey,
I wouldn't worry about that.
261
00:12:14,561 --> 00:12:17,840
No, I'm not worried about it.
It's just...
262
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,188
You know, it's a thought.
263
00:12:21,188 --> 00:12:22,949
If you think about it,
there's a whole lot of Buchmans
264
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,745
and it stops with me
and then suddenly,
265
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,643
like,
I could be the very last one.
266
00:12:28,402 --> 00:12:29,749
-Honey?
-PAUL: That's wild.
267
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,440
Like, who would follow
in my footsteps?
268
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,166
There's nobody to follow--
I'm the last Buchman.
269
00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:34,650
I'm sure somebody would.
270
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:36,238
That's just wild.
That's a wild thought.
271
00:12:36,238 --> 00:12:38,792
It's like, "Hi, how are you?
Paul Buchman. I'm the last one."
272
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:41,519
"Say hello to me,
there's no more behind me."
273
00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:43,107
"Hi. Can I have the number
for Buchmans?"
274
00:12:43,107 --> 00:12:46,524
"There are none." Interesting.
Wow, I'd be the end of the line.
275
00:12:46,524 --> 00:12:48,284
I think you have to get
ahold of yourself.
276
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:49,941
I felt my spleen block up there.
277
00:12:49,941 --> 00:12:51,771
Sweetie, it's gonna be okay,
just relax.
278
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,427
[THUD]
279
00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:56,085
-My God.
-What was that?
280
00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:57,535
That was my spleen, I think.
281
00:13:01,194 --> 00:13:03,092
-Oh, God.
-Ooh, wow!
282
00:13:04,404 --> 00:13:05,577
[GROANS]
283
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:06,820
Did you follow the instructions?
284
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,823
Yes, cook until food explodes.
285
00:13:11,514 --> 00:13:12,653
I just thought I'd ask.
286
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:20,420
PAUL:
Come on, it stinks in here.
287
00:13:21,731 --> 00:13:23,733
JAMIE: God, it's overwhelming.
288
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,288
-Did you call the hotel?
-PAUL: Yes, let's get going.
289
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:28,152
-JAMIE: Murray!
-PAUL: Murray, come on!
290
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,436
Welcome to the Flagton!
The flight ship property
291
00:13:36,436 --> 00:13:38,990
of the Transpacific Five Winds
Mermon family chain of hotels.
292
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,405
Would you like to see
a brochure?
293
00:13:41,199 --> 00:13:42,235
Sure.
294
00:13:44,651 --> 00:13:45,721
Here you go.
295
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:49,173
This highlights the 400
Transpacific Five Winds
296
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,002
Mermon family
chain hotels worldwide.
297
00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:53,384
Wow. I'm sorry to trouble you,
298
00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:55,558
but my aunt is gonna be
traveling somewhere soon.
299
00:13:55,558 --> 00:13:56,732
Do you have another one?
300
00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:58,113
-Of course.
-Thanks.
301
00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:01,702
RECEPTIONIST: Here you go.
302
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,846
Can I interest you
in our Transpacific Five Winds
303
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,882
Mermon family chain of hotels
membership club?
304
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,919
Is there some sort of form
to fill out?
305
00:14:10,919 --> 00:14:13,197
Yes, I got one
right down here somewhere.
306
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:16,752
RECEPTIONIST: Here you go.
307
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,309
Each time you check
into a Transpacific Five Winds
308
00:14:22,309 --> 00:14:24,001
Mermon family chain of hotels,
309
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,623
you build up
valuable bonus points
310
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:27,004
which could lead
to free weekend
311
00:14:27,004 --> 00:14:29,040
or week long stays
at specially selected
312
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,008
participating
Transpacific Five Winds
313
00:14:31,008 --> 00:14:32,181
Mermon family chain of hotels
314
00:14:32,181 --> 00:14:35,391
in the continental U.S.
and Belize.
315
00:14:35,391 --> 00:14:37,083
Wow, Goodness!
Do you have a pen?
316
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,741
-Right here.
-[CHUCKLES] Thanks. Oops.
317
00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:43,089
-Allow me.
-JAMIE: Thanks.
318
00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:44,262
Get in here!
319
00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:47,472
[SCREAMING]
320
00:14:49,958 --> 00:14:52,822
Hi, my wife had to,
uh, something.
321
00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:55,411
We just want to check in,
please.
322
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:56,999
Yes, all right.
Do you have a reservation?
323
00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:59,484
-Sure do. Buchman.
-Bukman with a K?
324
00:14:59,484 --> 00:15:01,970
-CH.
-Ah, Book-man.
325
00:15:05,111 --> 00:15:07,216
-Buchman, actually.
-Book-man.
326
00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:09,632
It's Buchman.
327
00:15:09,632 --> 00:15:11,841
Book-man, Book-man, Book-man.
328
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:15,086
Buchman! Buchman, Buchman.
329
00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:18,020
Book-man!
330
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,713
-Are you German?
-No, Buchman. It really is.
331
00:15:22,438 --> 00:15:25,165
-Book-man sounds German.
-It's not.
332
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:29,066
Oh, did you know English
is Germany's second language?
333
00:15:29,066 --> 00:15:30,239
- I did not.
-Yeah.
334
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,174
Can I be honest with you?
335
00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:36,866
-Of course. Just sign here.
-Okay.
336
00:15:36,866 --> 00:15:38,523
-And here are your keys.
-Thank you very much.
337
00:15:38,523 --> 00:15:40,767
-See, my wife and I we were--
-Oh, I almost forgot.
338
00:15:41,561 --> 00:15:43,459
Can I interest you
in discount passes
339
00:15:43,459 --> 00:15:45,530
to our world renowned
Transpacific Five Winds
340
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,016
Mermon family chain of hotels
breakfast buffet?
341
00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:55,782
-Here is the thing--
-Oh, they're in the back.
342
00:15:55,782 --> 00:15:57,059
-I'll be right back.
-Okay.
343
00:15:57,508 --> 00:15:58,681
[MAKES FUNNY NOISE]
344
00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:06,655
You know what?
345
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,553
I was doing a lot of thinking
in there.
346
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,970
I was thinking
about this last Buchman thing.
347
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,040
I'm very upset.
348
00:16:12,523 --> 00:16:14,456
-[SNORES]
-I knew you would care.
349
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:15,940
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
350
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,700
-Who is it?
-MAN: Room service.
351
00:16:18,425 --> 00:16:22,257
-Oh, thank you very much.
-Hey.
352
00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:25,225
I just couldn't see spending
$49 on a piece of fruit.
353
00:16:25,225 --> 00:16:26,778
-Yeah.
-Wow.
354
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,849
Paulie, pretty swanky digs.
355
00:16:29,505 --> 00:16:32,025
-Who are you? The Bowery Boys?
-You know something?
356
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,647
All this time
I lived in the city.
357
00:16:33,647 --> 00:16:35,891
I never once been
in one of these fancy hotels.
358
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,444
-Nice, huh?
-Very nice.
359
00:16:38,445 --> 00:16:40,689
-Wow, Jamie is sleeping.
-Don't worry about her.
360
00:16:40,689 --> 00:16:42,932
When she sleeps,
she's like dead to the world.
361
00:16:42,932 --> 00:16:44,037
Watch.
362
00:16:46,419 --> 00:16:47,523
[LAUGHS]
363
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:49,353
-Let me try.
-It's not even sleep.
364
00:16:49,353 --> 00:16:50,975
It's like a medical condition
with her.
365
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,086
Hey, hey, hey,
we talked about this.
366
00:16:58,086 --> 00:17:00,053
-What--
-It's all right. Knock it off.
367
00:17:02,849 --> 00:17:03,953
I should go, huh?
368
00:17:08,372 --> 00:17:11,202
-Stick around, we're good.
-Wow.
369
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:16,552
-You got the porno channel?
-You know what? I don't know.
370
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,589
Here we go! Forest Hump.
371
00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:21,316
That's disgusting.
372
00:17:21,316 --> 00:17:23,145
Well, I didn't write it.
I just watch it.
373
00:17:23,801 --> 00:17:25,354
-Let me ask you something.
-IRA: What?
374
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:29,772
Does it bother you to know
that if we don't procreate soon,
375
00:17:29,772 --> 00:17:31,843
it means that it's the end
of the Buchman dynasty?
376
00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:34,260
-Dynasty?
-Yeah.
377
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:37,539
Paulie, the Mings had a dynasty.
The Buchman has got a puppy
378
00:17:37,539 --> 00:17:39,058
and a piece of fish
in the freezer.
379
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:40,921
But you and I are it.
380
00:17:40,921 --> 00:17:43,821
If we don't produce an heir,
it's all over.
381
00:17:43,821 --> 00:17:45,236
Yeah, if you and me are it,
382
00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:47,169
I would say
it deserves to be all over.
383
00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:53,037
-It doesn't bother you?
-No, it doesn't bother me.
384
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:56,661
-We're the last Buchmans.
-So what? So what?
385
00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:58,629
Do you see any little
Shakespeare's running around?
386
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:01,149
Have you ever heard
of a Michelangelo Jr.?
387
00:18:01,149 --> 00:18:02,495
Paulie,
the father of our country,
388
00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:05,498
George Washington, had no kids.
Moses had no kids.
389
00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:07,500
You think the world
is gonna be a poorer place
390
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,053
because you have not produced
an heir.
391
00:18:09,053 --> 00:18:11,193
In my opinion,
that is no reason to have kids.
392
00:18:11,193 --> 00:18:13,609
It's just pure ego.
A child, Paulie,
393
00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:16,164
should be the product
of the natural, organic love
394
00:18:16,164 --> 00:18:17,786
between two committed people.
395
00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:20,306
Now, please,
can we watch the porno channel?
396
00:18:22,722 --> 00:18:25,863
[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
397
00:18:27,244 --> 00:18:28,935
-Moses had no kids?
-I don't know.
398
00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,562
Hi, sorry I'm late.
399
00:18:35,562 --> 00:18:38,082
-You're 14 minutes late.
-Yeah, all right.
400
00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:41,465
I did some reading last night.
These bears are not coming out.
401
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:43,708
-Well, they have to.
-You don't understand.
402
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:46,711
-This is their mating season.
-Pandas mating. Super!
403
00:18:46,711 --> 00:18:48,920
-Let's get some of that.
-They're not gonna do it.
404
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,646
They're not gonna do it
under these conditions.
405
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:52,648
-Why the hell not?
-Because it's just too much.
406
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:53,753
Look, we're all around.
407
00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:55,858
Everybody is looking
and it's too much pressure.
408
00:18:55,858 --> 00:18:57,136
-Pressure?
-Yeah.
409
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,206
Pressure? You know,
410
00:18:58,206 --> 00:19:00,208
if we don't get some footage
of pandas pronto,
411
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,623
we're packing up
and pulling the plug.
412
00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:02,762
Do you get my point?
413
00:19:02,762 --> 00:19:05,247
Do you have any idea
how much you spit on me there?
414
00:19:06,006 --> 00:19:07,456
Look, you're the director.
415
00:19:07,456 --> 00:19:09,251
What will we do
if they don't come out?
416
00:19:09,251 --> 00:19:11,288
I'll buy you a balloon
and a bag of nuts, all right?
417
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:12,427
Calm down.
418
00:19:12,979 --> 00:19:15,223
I don't know.
Let me just think about this.
419
00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:16,603
Let's just take five minutes
420
00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:18,743
-and let me figure it out.
-Okay, everybody, take five.
421
00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:21,298
That's great. Uptight pandas.
422
00:19:21,298 --> 00:19:22,782
You don't have this
with trained animals.
423
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:24,128
They mate on cue.
424
00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:25,957
They're only in heat,
like, three days a year.
425
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,890
-Give them a break.
-Three days?
426
00:19:28,891 --> 00:19:30,065
-That's it?
-Yeah.
427
00:19:30,859 --> 00:19:33,102
-[BEARS ROARING]
-Hey, hey, hey.
428
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,347
-Hey, there they are.
-You bet.
429
00:19:36,347 --> 00:19:37,590
They're moving.
430
00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:40,593
They're not just moving,
they're mating.
431
00:19:40,593 --> 00:19:42,871
How are we gonna get this?
The crew is on five.
432
00:19:42,871 --> 00:19:44,804
I'm just going to get it.
You and me.
433
00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:48,256
You know what?
434
00:19:48,256 --> 00:19:49,843
-Hold my camera one second.
-Yeah.
435
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:52,881
Oh, this is unbelievable.
This is unbelievable.
436
00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:54,123
-Great.
-Grab my belt.
437
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:55,194
-Yeah.
-All right.
438
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,885
-Okay, give me the camera.
-Yeah.
439
00:19:56,885 --> 00:19:57,886
[SCREAMS]
440
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:02,201
Paulie, you wanna get my phone?
It's right over there.
441
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,827
-Listen to this.
-Shh!
442
00:20:08,345 --> 00:20:09,449
-Hi.
-Hi.
443
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,659
-What happened to you?
-I fell in the panda pit.
444
00:20:12,659 --> 00:20:15,075
-Oh, my God! Are you all right?
-I'm fine.
445
00:20:15,075 --> 00:20:17,181
Let me tell you what happened?
The bears mated.
446
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,287
-They mated?
-They mated.
447
00:20:19,287 --> 00:20:22,290
It was the most amazing thing.
The crew was on a five, right?
448
00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:24,015
So the first time
there's nobody around
449
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,672
and you can see these bears,
450
00:20:25,672 --> 00:20:27,018
you know,
they're from another country.
451
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,503
They don't know
what they're doing.
452
00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:30,159
They're, like,
on the verge of the extinction,
453
00:20:30,159 --> 00:20:32,196
for all they know
they can be the last pandas.
454
00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:34,198
And still with all this pressure
all that on them,
455
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,649
you could see they just kind
of went, "The hell with it."
456
00:20:37,132 --> 00:20:41,412
-Aw, was it romantic?
-Yeah, interestingly.
457
00:20:41,412 --> 00:20:46,831
The male panda, he puts his paw
on the woman's shoulder...
458
00:20:47,384 --> 00:20:52,043
-and he pulled her to his lap.
-Mm.
459
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:55,426
And then it was funny.
He takes off her sweater.
460
00:20:56,945 --> 00:20:58,257
Wearing a little sweater,
was she?
461
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,948
PAUL: She was wearing
a little panda sweater.
462
00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:01,708
-Mm-hmm.
-And...
463
00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:09,164
And then he-- The male panda
said, "We just have to relax."
464
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:10,234
[CHUCKLES]
465
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:16,033
By the way, I'm awake.
466
00:21:23,454 --> 00:21:24,628
So, you're a German Shepherd?
467
00:21:26,664 --> 00:21:28,079
German Shorthaired Pointer?
468
00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:31,600
Schnauzer?
469
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,432
Dachshund?
470
00:21:38,469 --> 00:21:40,195
Pinscher?
471
00:21:41,714 --> 00:21:42,784
Jagdterrier?
472
00:21:44,717 --> 00:21:45,683
Bavarian Mountain Hound?
35818
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