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1
00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:08,801
Wait, did your father ever say
anything about that tie?
2
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:10,113
No.
3
00:00:10,113 --> 00:00:11,735
That tie I got him
for his birthday?
4
00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:13,358
Oh, yeah. He loved it.
5
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:15,463
-What did he say?
-He said, "I love it."
6
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:18,535
-That's all he said?
-What should he say?
7
00:00:18,535 --> 00:00:20,537
Well, I don't know.
It was a very expensive tie.
8
00:00:20,882 --> 00:00:21,883
He said that.
9
00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:23,678
-He said that to you?
-Yes.
10
00:00:24,127 --> 00:00:25,094
He did not.
11
00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,407
Why can't this gift thing
end with the giving?
12
00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:30,375
It just can't.
13
00:00:31,755 --> 00:00:35,794
♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
14
00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,378
-Cinnamon?
-PAUL: Yeah.
15
00:01:09,655 --> 00:01:12,865
-Raisins?
-Light or dark?
16
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,178
-Light, but they're the same--
-No!
17
00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:18,250
Man, this bathroom is freezing!
18
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:22,496
-Oh, honey?
-Hot oatmeal on its way!
19
00:01:22,979 --> 00:01:25,878
You remember that guy on the 4th floor
20
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,397
-with the accent?
-Yeah.
21
00:01:27,777 --> 00:01:29,951
You were right, he's Dutch.
22
00:01:29,951 --> 00:01:31,332
See?
23
00:01:31,332 --> 00:01:34,024
But I was also right, because I asked his wife.
24
00:01:34,024 --> 00:01:35,992
There is something wrong
with his tongue.
25
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,375
It's so cold in here!
26
00:01:39,375 --> 00:01:42,067
There are actually flies
ice skating in the sink.
27
00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:45,795
I can't believe how cold this bathroom is!
28
00:01:46,727 --> 00:01:48,108
No, don't get up.
29
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,007
Do I wanna eat on this side
of the apartment
30
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:52,181
with our coats on,
31
00:01:52,181 --> 00:01:54,562
or in the living room naked
where it's 500 degrees?
32
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,150
Living room, naked.
33
00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:05,159
-This is not hot.
-It was when I came in here.
34
00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:07,541
There's nothing worse
than cold, hot oatmeal.
35
00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:11,234
-New, old cheese.
-All right. You win.
36
00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:14,962
Seriously, don't get up.
Would you look at your dog?
37
00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:17,654
It's the only comfortable place
in the apartment.
38
00:02:17,654 --> 00:02:20,278
It's like Alaska in there.
It's Tahiti in here.
39
00:02:20,278 --> 00:02:21,865
He's lying right on the Ecuador.
40
00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:23,695
How come the super gets
to go to Florida,
41
00:02:23,695 --> 00:02:24,903
and we're here suffering.
42
00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:26,146
Yeah. Hey, that's why
43
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,631
we have to stop tipping
this guy for Christmas.
44
00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:30,805
He doesn't do anything
and he doesn't pay rent
45
00:02:30,805 --> 00:02:32,255
and for this,
we're over tipping him.
46
00:02:32,255 --> 00:02:33,877
Honey, we give him 40 bucks.
47
00:02:34,361 --> 00:02:36,846
Forty? 30, I gave
the 10 to the doorman.
48
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,469
You tipped the super 30 dollars?
49
00:02:39,469 --> 00:02:41,471
He doesn't do anything!
He goes to Florida!
50
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:42,955
For 30 bucks?
I don't blame him.
51
00:02:43,335 --> 00:02:45,199
Yeah, that money goes
straight to air fare.
52
00:02:45,579 --> 00:02:47,236
It's like a sauna in here.
53
00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:49,307
It's good though,
because this way when we eat,
54
00:02:49,307 --> 00:02:51,171
as we eat,
we're burning calories.
55
00:02:54,035 --> 00:02:55,554
Why am I eating hot cereal
in this weather?
56
00:02:55,554 --> 00:02:56,590
I don't know.
57
00:02:59,731 --> 00:03:02,699
So last night was nice, huh?
58
00:03:03,355 --> 00:03:04,425
Uh-huh.
59
00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:07,290
"“Uh-huh,"” what?
"“Uh-huh, it was nice,"”
60
00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:09,016
or, "“Uh-huh,
I'm just diluting myself"”?
61
00:03:09,016 --> 00:03:11,432
-[DOORBELL RINGING]
-Well, it can't always be great.
62
00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:13,538
It's true, because then
we have nothing to reach for.
63
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:16,230
Honey, sometimes,
it's better not to discuss this.
64
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,060
I know, but on the other hand,
not discussing...
65
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,855
-JAMIE: I know.
-PAUL: You know what I'm saying?
66
00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:22,443
-Hey!
-Hey! What is that?
67
00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,583
-From the doorman.
-It must be from that big fat
68
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:26,240
10 spot we slipped him.
69
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,655
-PAUL: All right.
-You ready?
70
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:30,727
-Yeah, come on. Let's do it.
-Man, it's like a sauna in here!
71
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,627
You could eat food and burn
calories at the same time!
72
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,388
I just said that.
73
00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:38,010
-Really?
-I swear.
74
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,634
-This is so sweet!
-What is that?
75
00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:42,774
"My favorite couple.
Love, Ira."
76
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:44,224
Oh, I don't like this.
77
00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:46,053
Are you kidding? It's beautiful!
78
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:48,228
Not the bowl, I don't like
the whole thing of this.
79
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,332
What "whole thing of this"?
80
00:03:49,332 --> 00:03:51,507
-He's taking me to lunch today?
-So?
81
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:54,130
So he's taking me to lunch
and he's buying you a bowl.
82
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,545
He's buying Fran earrings!
83
00:03:55,545 --> 00:03:56,581
-When?
-When?
84
00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:57,961
I don't know, about a month ago.
85
00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,688
I took her out to Lutes,
bought her pearl earrings,
86
00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:03,070
then he probably took her back
to the bedroom--
87
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:05,452
-All right, no!
-No way!
88
00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:07,764
I'm fine! Look, I love Ira.
89
00:04:08,558 --> 00:04:10,353
He nails my wife,
he buys her earrings.
90
00:04:10,353 --> 00:04:11,596
What's not to love?
91
00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:14,081
Please open a window in here
or something?
92
00:04:14,081 --> 00:04:16,980
-They're stuck from the heat.
-Oh, it's so humid!
93
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,361
I haven't felt humidity
like this
94
00:04:18,361 --> 00:04:20,260
since I delivered triplets
95
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,262
in an adobe hut
near Albuquerque.
96
00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:25,506
-Did you say that earlier?
-I did not.
97
00:04:25,506 --> 00:04:28,164
-I didn't think so.
-Okay, guys. Have fun.
98
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:29,407
When you see him next time,
99
00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:30,925
he'll be hooked
and get you hooked.
100
00:04:30,925 --> 00:04:32,548
-Don't hold your breath.
-You'll see.
101
00:04:32,548 --> 00:04:34,032
Oh, sweetie,
what's your thing today?
102
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,034
-I'm waiting here.
-For what?
103
00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:37,035
Lisa has a wrench.
104
00:04:38,968 --> 00:04:39,969
Okay.
105
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:44,560
-What's that mean?
-PAUL: I have no idea.
106
00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:52,947
MARK: And the thing about golf is that it's a beautiful game,
107
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:54,673
played in a beautiful setting.
108
00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:55,950
Paul, you're gonna love it!
109
00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:58,505
Will you relax, please?
Just relax!
110
00:04:58,505 --> 00:05:00,886
Relax your hands!
Look at you, how tense!
111
00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:03,406
You relax your shoulders,
your legs.
112
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:04,787
Come on, doesn't this feel good?
113
00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:07,168
Isn't this nice now, huh?
114
00:05:07,168 --> 00:05:09,170
So it's like a massage,
but I'm holding a stick.
115
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:10,896
Here, give me that.
116
00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:12,346
Okay, it's very simple.
117
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,900
You just keep your feet
in cement and just you swivel
118
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,557
and you just hit it very--
119
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,214
Oh, look at that. You see?
120
00:05:18,214 --> 00:05:20,147
-I sliced it into the trees.
-What trees?
121
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:21,424
There's a dry cleaner's
next door.
122
00:05:21,424 --> 00:05:24,393
And this game is perfect
for you and Jamie,
123
00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:25,980
because you play
on the weekends,
124
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:27,223
and you play on vacations
125
00:05:27,223 --> 00:05:29,190
and you get good enough,
you join a club.
126
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:31,400
You play at tournaments
and you become so competitive.
127
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,609
And the pressure
is unbelievable!
128
00:05:33,609 --> 00:05:35,921
So, in other words,
it starts off as a fun thing
129
00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,406
and ends up
as a source of aggravation.
130
00:05:37,406 --> 00:05:39,994
-Like you couldn't believe.
-Well, I believe it.
131
00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:41,789
It happened to my sex life,
why not golf?
132
00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:44,274
Loosen up, will you?
Loosen the grip,
133
00:05:44,274 --> 00:05:47,761
like you're holding a sparrow.
Loose hands! Very loose!
134
00:05:49,487 --> 00:05:51,178
-Oh, that's good.
-So, "“that's good,"” you say?
135
00:05:51,178 --> 00:05:53,318
Yeah, the club went straight
so it's very important.
136
00:05:53,318 --> 00:05:54,457
-What's going on?
-What?
137
00:05:54,457 --> 00:05:56,804
-You and Jamie?
-Well, nothing.
138
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:59,945
No, come on talk to me!
I'm a professional!
139
00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:02,741
Just the whole pregnant thing!
It's like a lot of pressure.
140
00:06:02,741 --> 00:06:04,571
I know, you don't get pregnant
overnight.
141
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:06,158
How long did it take you
and Fran?
142
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:07,781
-What, me?
-Yeah.
143
00:06:07,781 --> 00:06:10,266
Well, you know,
Fran gave me the sign,
144
00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:12,889
I stepped up to the plate,
boom out of the park.
145
00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:16,893
-Well, it's good to hear.
-Don't worry. It'll get better.
146
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,205
Yeah, and if it doesn't?
147
00:06:18,205 --> 00:06:19,931
Then you end up
like Fran and me.
148
00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:23,797
You know what? You don't laugh
at other people's jokes.
149
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,733
-Hey, Paulie, taste this.
-What?
150
00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:31,114
Tell me this is not
the best egg roll you ever had.
151
00:06:31,874 --> 00:06:33,979
-You got duck sauce?
-Will you forget the duck sauce?
152
00:06:36,775 --> 00:06:38,432
-Wow!
-Go ahead, say it.
153
00:06:38,846 --> 00:06:40,676
-That's good.
-No, Paulie, say it.
154
00:06:41,228 --> 00:06:43,333
-That's the best egg roll ever.
-Thank you.
155
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,059
How come I never heard
of this place?
156
00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:46,475
Because it is
an underground casino.
157
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,753
-Where?
-Upstairs.
158
00:06:49,098 --> 00:06:50,168
-Upstairs?
-Yeah.
159
00:06:50,582 --> 00:06:52,584
-An underground casino upstairs?
-That's right.
160
00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:54,862
You don't get sneakier
than that.
161
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:57,071
These are unbelievable.
162
00:06:57,071 --> 00:06:58,901
Yeah, they're tasty,
but expensive.
163
00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:01,041
-How much?
-It's free if you're willing
164
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:02,663
to wager 200 dollars
at the table.
165
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:03,837
You're gambling again, huh?
166
00:07:03,837 --> 00:07:05,735
Paulie, I'm not gambling,
I'm winning.
167
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,634
-I knew it.
-What?
168
00:07:07,634 --> 00:07:09,774
You're sending people plates,
you buying pearls.
169
00:07:09,774 --> 00:07:11,051
What is the matter with you?
170
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:12,570
Paulie, you remember
Flushing Park?
171
00:07:12,570 --> 00:07:14,572
-We used to play stick ball.
-Yeah.
172
00:07:15,296 --> 00:07:16,953
You couldn't beat me.
I was unbeatable
173
00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:18,368
-at Flushing Park, right?
-So?
174
00:07:18,368 --> 00:07:20,301
So I'm unbeatable at this place.
Same thing.
175
00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:21,337
Come on. I'll show you.
176
00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:24,029
Ira, you and gambling,
you don't mix.
177
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:25,652
-Why not?
-Because you always lose.
178
00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,757
Paulie, not here.
This place is different.
179
00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,071
Why? Only because they make
an exceptional egg roll.
180
00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:33,453
And I'll tell you what it is,
they're not chancy with shrimps.
181
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,841
-Give my regards to Broadway.
-Remember me to Harold Square.
182
00:07:43,877 --> 00:07:44,912
You're in.
183
00:07:48,433 --> 00:07:52,920
Tell all the gang at 42nd street
that I will soon be there.
184
00:07:55,647 --> 00:07:57,684
-Who is this guy?
-Bobby, he's okay.
185
00:08:03,621 --> 00:08:04,967
If I were a rich man...
186
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,935
♪ [HUMS
"IF I WERE A RICH MAN"] ♪
187
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:10,869
You're in.
188
00:08:13,009 --> 00:08:15,978
Johnny! How is it going, man?
You look very sharp.
189
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:18,498
-How are you doing?
-Johnny.
190
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,500
-Hey, John.
-Johnny!
191
00:08:21,431 --> 00:08:23,606
-In other words, "Johnny."
-Johnny!
192
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,819
-Johnny is strong.
-Yeah.
193
00:08:29,819 --> 00:08:30,993
CROUPIER: Place your bets.
194
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:32,442
Weren't you going to meetings
for this?
195
00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:34,583
Will you relax?
I'm on a roll, here.
196
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:37,551
-I can't lose.
-CROUPIER: Dealers Black Jack.
197
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,104
I'm not even going to respond
to that.
198
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:44,938
-LISA: It's me!
-JAMIE: One second!
199
00:08:47,734 --> 00:08:49,390
-Ta-da!
-Excellent!
200
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:50,978
Where did you get that thing?
201
00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:53,049
Okay, remember Abril?
The Conned guy
202
00:08:53,049 --> 00:08:54,326
-with the shoulders?
-Yeah.
203
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,295
I'm walking down 43rd street,
there's a Conned truck,
204
00:08:57,295 --> 00:08:59,504
the guy is bent over,
so I goose him from behind.
205
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:01,541
He turns around,
of course, it's not him!
206
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,576
I'm so embarrassed!
207
00:09:03,266 --> 00:09:05,855
-Did he get you the wrench?
-No, this? I've had forever.
208
00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:12,206
God, it's really great in here.
It's so hot. It's like camp.
209
00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:13,242
Remember camp?
210
00:09:13,622 --> 00:09:15,071
Remember how home sick
you were?
211
00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:17,867
[LAUGHS]
212
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:20,456
Why can't I get this damn thing
to move?
213
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:23,493
-What's with you?
-What? I'm hot.
214
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:25,599
Why are you doing
the eyebrow thing?
215
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:26,669
What eyebrow thing?
216
00:09:27,463 --> 00:09:29,810
You're sexually frustrated.
217
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:32,088
-All right. Cut it out!
-It's okay.
218
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:35,333
-I'm not sexual frustrated.
-Well, I'm certainly not.
219
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,266
Because you're sexually
harass people at work.
220
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:41,995
-Well, I'm the boss.
-Yes, I'm very proud of you.
221
00:09:41,995 --> 00:09:44,480
-You know what? Let me try that.
-Okay.
222
00:09:44,998 --> 00:09:47,448
-So?
-It's nothing.
223
00:09:47,448 --> 00:09:48,933
Come on, you're gonna tell me.
224
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,693
It's been better, all right?
225
00:09:51,107 --> 00:09:52,868
-And now it stinks?
-It doesn't stink!
226
00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:54,904
Come on, you're gonna tell me!
227
00:09:55,422 --> 00:09:57,493
We're just trying too hard.
That's all.
228
00:09:57,493 --> 00:09:59,978
You told me trying
was making sex more romantic.
229
00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:02,256
In the beginning it was,
when we first started trying
230
00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:03,603
and now it's gotten...
231
00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:06,951
I don't know, it feels
like it's become...
232
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,436
-Not so good.
-Yeah, I knew you'd tell me.
233
00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:14,752
No wonder it's so hot in here!
That thing is full of steam!
234
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,035
-Hey.
-Hey.
235
00:10:23,139 --> 00:10:24,934
Why is it partly cloudy in here?
236
00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:30,008
Steam. Look at my pores,
completely unclogged.
237
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:32,355
You have gorgeous pores.
I've always said that.
238
00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:35,082
-Do we have any Alka Seltzer?
-It's in the bathroom.
239
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:37,395
If we could get these clouds
240
00:10:37,395 --> 00:10:39,362
to move into the bedroom,
we could actually get snow.
241
00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,884
All right, here we go.
I'm going in.
242
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:46,611
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm not.
243
00:10:46,611 --> 00:10:48,682
-Ask me what I just ate.
-What did you just eat?
244
00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:50,926
Seven, no exaggeration,
245
00:10:50,926 --> 00:10:53,722
seven egg rolls
the size of my head,
246
00:10:53,722 --> 00:10:58,105
while I watched my dopey cousin
lose 4,000 dollars playing 21.
247
00:10:58,105 --> 00:10:59,900
Although, actually,
after the way he played,
248
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,350
they're gonna rename it 26.
249
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:04,836
-Ira is gambling?
-Well, not anymore.
250
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:07,011
He just run out of the money.
Where is the--
251
00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:08,115
-Here.
-Thank you.
252
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,462
You can't get angry at him.
He has a problem.
253
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,706
Well, now it's our problem.
254
00:11:13,155 --> 00:11:14,984
He needs to borrow
4,000 dollars.
255
00:11:15,502 --> 00:11:17,090
Why can't he go to his parents?
256
00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,126
Because they'll think
he's gambling.
257
00:11:19,126 --> 00:11:20,196
He is gambling!
258
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,165
What do you want me to tell you?
There are big guys
259
00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:24,856
who are expecting money
from Ira.
260
00:11:24,856 --> 00:11:26,237
-Are we not helping him?
-Okay.
261
00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:29,136
-Can we just talk about it?
-All right, let's talk about it.
262
00:11:29,136 --> 00:11:30,793
You really think
just giving him the money
263
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,346
is the best thing to do?
264
00:11:32,346 --> 00:11:33,693
What do you suggest?
265
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,798
That we call of up these guys
and tell them,
266
00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:38,490
"Guys, in lieu of cash,
my wife would like to arrange
267
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,838
to have 4,000 dollars-worth
of free publicity."
268
00:11:40,838 --> 00:11:42,563
All right. You know what?
Don't get pissy.
269
00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:45,670
No, I'm pissy.
I'm sweating like a pig.
270
00:11:46,395 --> 00:11:47,845
Where is your checkbook?
271
00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,123
You give a man a fish,
he eats for a day.
272
00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,953
If you teach a man to fish,
he eats for a lifetime.
273
00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:56,992
You know, that's a side of you
nobody likes, don't you?
274
00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:02,687
When we have kids,
if they get in trouble,
275
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:03,895
you're just going
to bail them out?
276
00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:05,483
Why not?
We do that for your sister.
277
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:08,486
That is completely different.
Lisa lacks the ability to learn.
278
00:12:10,419 --> 00:12:12,835
So how come she's working
in that store for six months,
279
00:12:12,835 --> 00:12:14,319
she's been promoted 11 times.
280
00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:16,632
I keep telling you
she's a retailing savant.
281
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:20,360
-Why are these checks wet?
-Wait a minute.
282
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,327
What do you suggest we do?
283
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:25,675
I don't think it's fair we delve
into our hard-earned nest egg
284
00:12:25,675 --> 00:12:27,643
because Ira is on a cold streak.
285
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:30,094
-It's not fair.
-Then why should we do it?
286
00:12:30,094 --> 00:12:31,474
We're doing it,
287
00:12:31,474 --> 00:12:33,511
because if we don't
and they break his legs,
288
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:35,271
then I don't have anybody
to play racquetball with.
289
00:12:36,376 --> 00:12:38,412
No wise guy is gonna put
the hurt on him
290
00:12:38,412 --> 00:12:40,311
for a measly four thou.
291
00:12:42,209 --> 00:12:43,417
Who are you? Salatso?
292
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,215
My father is a butcher.
You think I don't know about it?
293
00:12:49,044 --> 00:12:50,459
What, show me
the connection there.
294
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:53,289
The best thing you could do
for Ira is force him
295
00:12:53,289 --> 00:12:54,428
to take responsibility.
296
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:55,636
All right. You know what?
297
00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:57,121
When they find him
in a meat locker,
298
00:12:57,121 --> 00:12:58,432
it will be your responsibility.
299
00:12:58,432 --> 00:13:00,227
-Oh, my God.
-What happened?
300
00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:02,643
I can't believe
you're gonna be one
301
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,473
-of those kinds of parents.
-You know what, babe?
302
00:13:04,473 --> 00:13:06,130
The way things are going
in that department,
303
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:07,925
I don't think we should worry
about that soon.
304
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,582
-What does it supposed to mean?
-I dunno what it means.
305
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,516
Are you saying it's my fault
we're not getting pregnant?
306
00:13:13,516 --> 00:13:14,897
No, I so not saying that.
307
00:13:14,897 --> 00:13:17,417
-That is such a cheap shot.
-It's not a shot.
308
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:19,108
-You're saying it wasn't a dig?
-No dig!
309
00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:22,940
-Then what are you saying?
-I don't know what I'm saying.
310
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:25,080
-Yeah, right.
-Come here.
311
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,876
Maybe we're just having
a little cold streak of our own.
312
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:29,498
So, it was a dig?
313
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:33,709
Yeah.
314
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:41,544
PAUL: If you hear from Ira,
please have him call me.
315
00:13:41,993 --> 00:13:43,236
All right.
316
00:13:43,236 --> 00:13:46,101
Miss they don't hurt a guy
for a measly four thou.
317
00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:49,242
It's been three days now.
Nobody has seen a trace of Ira.
318
00:13:49,242 --> 00:13:51,623
-He's probably at the track.
-Okay.
319
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:53,522
How come he's not returning
my calls, huh?
320
00:13:53,522 --> 00:13:55,593
I'm leaving messages for him
all over town.
321
00:13:55,593 --> 00:13:58,044
I'm sure he's mad at you
for not giving him the money.
322
00:13:58,044 --> 00:14:00,253
Not at me, if anybody,
he'd be mad at you then.
323
00:14:00,253 --> 00:14:01,633
I'd give him the money.
324
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,497
I love how you make me
the bad guy.
325
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:04,982
You are the bad guy.
326
00:14:04,982 --> 00:14:07,294
I hope you didn't present it
that way to Ira,
327
00:14:07,294 --> 00:14:10,435
because we agreed
to present a united front.
328
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,230
I just wish we agreed
to give him the money.
329
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:14,474
Giving it to him would be
the worst thing you could do.
330
00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:16,269
He's supposed to stop gambling.
331
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:19,168
How many times have you tried
to quit smoking?
332
00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:21,274
-I'm not smoking now.
-Yeah, that's just only
333
00:14:21,274 --> 00:14:22,689
because you're trying
to get pregnant.
334
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:24,518
God knows
how long that will take.
335
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:28,005
-Was that a dig?
-A little bit.
336
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:30,593
Wait, where are you going?
337
00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:31,905
I wanna go to Ira's apartment.
338
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,700
-I wanna make sure he's okay.
-He's fine.
339
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,598
-These guys don't fool around.
-All right.
340
00:14:35,598 --> 00:14:37,014
-I'm going with you.
-All right, fine.
341
00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:38,187
Good. So you go with me.
342
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:40,017
What are you looking for?
343
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:42,398
Sweetie?
344
00:14:42,398 --> 00:14:44,159
This is all we have
to hit somebody with?
345
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,342
The rest of you guys
wait out there!
346
00:15:01,072 --> 00:15:03,730
-Hey, Ira?
-What happened?
347
00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:04,869
All right.
348
00:15:05,594 --> 00:15:07,976
-Go look in there.
-You look in there!
349
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,670
Honey, where did we park?
Near the SWAT team?
350
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:22,991
-Go check his answering machine?
-I am.
351
00:15:24,164 --> 00:15:26,442
Look in there.
I looked in there!
352
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:29,998
[BEEP]
353
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:32,069
MAN: Blinky, it's me. Are you there?
354
00:15:32,069 --> 00:15:34,174
Pick up the phone.
No, he's not there.
355
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,797
-JAMIE: He's not there.
-Look at this.
356
00:15:37,453 --> 00:15:38,834
You thought
he wasn't gonna like it.
357
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,284
He puts it on the coffee table.
358
00:15:40,284 --> 00:15:41,354
[BEEP]
359
00:15:41,354 --> 00:15:44,391
Ira, it's Johnny.
Where is my four grand?
360
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,946
In other words,
you owe me four grand!
361
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,638
-Don't make me look for you.-You hear that?
362
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:51,260
It's tough talk. That's all.
363
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,330
[BEEP]
364
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:55,057
PAUL: Ira? I'm sorry I couldn't give you the money.
365
00:15:55,057 --> 00:15:57,370
I wanted to, but Jamie wouldn't go for it.
366
00:15:58,854 --> 00:16:01,443
Let's plan for the future thing.
Call me.
367
00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:04,308
It's funny it sounds like me.
368
00:16:05,619 --> 00:16:07,897
-Look at this picture.
-What is this?
369
00:16:07,897 --> 00:16:10,348
Look at me with hair so short.
I can't even believe it.
370
00:16:10,348 --> 00:16:13,144
-Yeah, this was four years ago?
-Look at how thin you were.
371
00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:15,526
I'm almost like too thin.
372
00:16:20,358 --> 00:16:22,602
-We gave him these.
-Gave him that chair too.
373
00:16:22,602 --> 00:16:25,122
-And this frame.
-Look at this.
374
00:16:25,122 --> 00:16:27,607
He's got more pictures of us
than we do.
375
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:28,988
He likes us more than we do.
376
00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:32,577
God, what if something
happens to him?
377
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,855
-What is gonna happen to him?
-I don't know.
378
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:37,341
What if somebody broke his legs?
379
00:16:37,893 --> 00:16:40,654
You said they don't put the hurt
for a measly four thou.
380
00:16:40,654 --> 00:16:42,311
I believed it when I said it.
381
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:54,254
Cream colored ponies
and crisp apple strudel?
382
00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:01,227
♪ [SINGS "MY FAVORITE THINGS"]
383
00:17:02,987 --> 00:17:04,092
You're in.
384
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:07,267
♪ [SINGS "MY FAVORITE THINGS"]
385
00:17:08,234 --> 00:17:10,270
-Who is this guy?
-He's okay. Come on.
386
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:14,033
Wow! This place is great.
387
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,655
-Give me 20 dollars.
-Behave yourself.
388
00:17:15,655 --> 00:17:17,277
How are you doing?
You remember me?
389
00:17:17,277 --> 00:17:18,727
-No.
-You remember Ira?
390
00:17:19,590 --> 00:17:20,729
-You mean Ira?
-Ira!
391
00:17:21,557 --> 00:17:23,663
-In other words, Ira?
-In other words, Ira.
392
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,321
Here's 4,000 dollars,
made out to cash.
393
00:17:26,321 --> 00:17:28,633
-Okay?
-The blonde is a good tipper.
394
00:17:28,978 --> 00:17:30,980
That's for Ira's tab.
He owes you 4,000,
395
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:32,844
so you can stop
bothering him now.
396
00:17:33,224 --> 00:17:35,019
-Oh, Ira is even.
-Since when?
397
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:37,125
Since this morning.
He's been hitting pretty good.
398
00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:39,437
-So, where is he?
-He must have just stepped out.
399
00:17:40,369 --> 00:17:41,991
So, you didn't, like,
rough him up?
400
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:46,134
We don't rough anybody up
for a measly four thou.
401
00:17:46,134 --> 00:17:49,999
-Honey, egg rolls.
-Hey, you got to play to eat!
402
00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:52,692
In other words,
if you eat, you play.
403
00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:54,487
All right, I'm gonna play.
404
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:56,144
-You know what, honey?
-I want to play.
405
00:17:56,144 --> 00:17:57,352
-Okay, but not here.
-Why?
406
00:17:57,938 --> 00:18:00,665
This guy is unlucky.
This guy, here we go.
407
00:18:00,665 --> 00:18:02,667
He's got the word "bust"
all over him.
408
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:03,703
All right.
409
00:18:04,669 --> 00:18:07,465
And remember? Never hit on 17.
410
00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:09,881
Even if the dealer has an eight?
411
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,849
-What did I just say?
-Never hit on 17.
412
00:18:11,849 --> 00:18:14,714
Exactly. In other words,
never hit on 17.
413
00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:16,060
[WHISPERING]
He's right behind you.
414
00:18:17,786 --> 00:18:18,890
-Did he hear me?
-No.
415
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,996
-Hit me.
-No, hit me!
416
00:18:20,996 --> 00:18:22,377
-I want another card!
-What do you have?
417
00:18:22,377 --> 00:18:23,481
-Seventeen.
-What did I say?
418
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,965
-Never hit on 17.
-Exactly right.
419
00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:25,966
Hit me.
420
00:18:27,175 --> 00:18:29,660
-Twenty-one.
-I think you owe her some money.
421
00:18:30,764 --> 00:18:32,180
-Hey!
-What?
422
00:18:32,973 --> 00:18:34,734
Didn't I tell you
never to hit on 17?
423
00:18:40,222 --> 00:18:42,397
This is the most trouble
I've ever been in my whole life.
424
00:18:43,191 --> 00:18:44,640
We're in jail.
Do you realize that?
425
00:18:45,089 --> 00:18:47,436
Right now if anybody asks
"Have you seen Paul and Jamie?
426
00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:48,644
Yeah, they're in jail.
427
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:52,614
They're in the big house.
They're doing time."
428
00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:55,272
Look, our thumb prints
are almost identical.
429
00:18:55,962 --> 00:18:58,033
But we have records now!
Do you understand that?
430
00:18:58,033 --> 00:19:00,863
-You and I we're convicts.
-Honey, will you relax?
431
00:19:00,863 --> 00:19:03,625
We'll be out in a few of hours.
You made the call, right?
432
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:04,902
Huh? What call?
433
00:19:06,214 --> 00:19:08,423
They gave you one call.
I'm assuming you made it.
434
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:10,149
Oh, yeah, no one called.
435
00:19:14,014 --> 00:19:15,464
What do you mean,
"no one called"?
436
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:17,915
Our machine, nobody called.
437
00:19:26,786 --> 00:19:30,824
You used your one phone call
to check the machine?
438
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,792
-What am I? An idiot?
-What an idiot!
439
00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:35,588
-Why wouldn't I call Ira?
-You called home?
440
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:39,833
-What about your call?
-I called Nat to walk Murray.
441
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:41,870
Did you tell him to come
with some bail money?
442
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:43,803
I don't want people knowing
we're in jail!
443
00:19:43,803 --> 00:19:45,322
That's the whole purpose
of that call!
444
00:19:46,564 --> 00:19:49,118
You know what?
We're too dumb to have kids.
445
00:19:52,018 --> 00:19:53,192
So what do we do now?
446
00:20:03,892 --> 00:20:04,962
What?
447
00:20:10,312 --> 00:20:12,211
-We're in jail.
-What are they gonna do?
448
00:20:13,971 --> 00:20:15,179
What, are they gonna arrest us?
449
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,087
-Okay, there was something.
-I know.
450
00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:30,574
Listen,
we are gonna get pregnant.
451
00:20:30,574 --> 00:20:32,127
You know that, don't you?
452
00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:33,577
-You promise?
-I promise.
453
00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:37,097
I don't think here is
the best place.
454
00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,892
-I like it here!
-All right.
455
00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:40,273
Maybe we can get
like a summer home
456
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,309
in Rikers Island or something.
457
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:43,932
[LAUGHS]
458
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,314
Shut up.
459
00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:48,247
Don't worry about it.
The guard is coming.
460
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,627
I hope you don't hate me.
461
00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:50,835
-Come here.
-What?
462
00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:52,458
I didn't give you the money
463
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,080
because I thought
you were gonna gamble it.
464
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,219
Odds are you're right.
465
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:57,532
Listen, you know what they say.
466
00:20:57,532 --> 00:21:00,155
If you give a guy a fish,
then he eats for one day,
467
00:21:00,155 --> 00:21:06,472
but if you're fishing together
like a whole week...
468
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,406
If you're fishing
over your lifetime, every day...
469
00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:12,063
But he eats some of the fish...
470
00:21:13,617 --> 00:21:16,723
You always have some fish
that you couldn't finish.
471
00:21:16,723 --> 00:21:18,311
-What is he talking about?
-I don't know.
472
00:21:28,390 --> 00:21:30,737
As of this moment,
you and I are ex-cons.
473
00:21:30,737 --> 00:21:33,878
Yep. Something our kids'll
have to learn to live with.
474
00:21:34,362 --> 00:21:35,604
Here it is!
475
00:21:35,604 --> 00:21:37,434
Obviously, they'll buy it out
in a playground.
476
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:39,159
-Because we did time.
-We did a stretch.
36361
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