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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,489
PAUL: Do we have
any cantaloupe?
2
00:00:06,558 --> 00:00:08,111
JAMIE:
It's out of season.
3
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:10,217
Cantaloupe
doesn't go out of season,
it's a year-round fruit.
4
00:00:10,286 --> 00:00:12,219
There's no such thing
as a year-round fruit.
5
00:00:12,288 --> 00:00:13,703
Bananas are
a year-round fruit.
6
00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:14,980
Then have a banana.
7
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,844
I don't want a banana.
I want a cantaloupe.
8
00:00:16,913 --> 00:00:18,121
It's out of season.
9
00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:19,950
Cantaloupes don't
go out of season.
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,228
[WHINES]
11
00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:36,588
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
12
00:00:36,657 --> 00:00:40,695
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
13
00:00:40,764 --> 00:00:42,456
♪ Let's take each other's hand
14
00:00:42,525 --> 00:00:45,769
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
15
00:00:46,805 --> 00:00:49,394
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
16
00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:51,085
♪ Yeah!
17
00:00:57,678 --> 00:00:59,542
Come on, honey,
the bus is coming.
18
00:00:59,611 --> 00:01:01,233
Oh. Never mind.
19
00:01:03,511 --> 00:01:05,720
If I made these,
would you eat them?
20
00:01:05,789 --> 00:01:06,928
Would you make those?
21
00:01:06,997 --> 00:01:08,171
If you'd eat 'em.
22
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,931
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
23
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,278
Oh, God,
it's two pages.
24
00:01:11,347 --> 00:01:12,382
Forget it.
I'm not making them.
25
00:01:12,451 --> 00:01:14,074
Oh, I had my heart set
on them, too.
26
00:01:14,143 --> 00:01:15,523
Here we go. Come on.
27
00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:24,291
Yeah, all right.
Very good.
28
00:01:29,675 --> 00:01:33,645
I wonder if E.S. and B.L.
are still together.
29
00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:35,095
I think so.
I think they are,
30
00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:36,199
because they were
on the right track.
31
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:37,925
You know,
these were good people.
32
00:01:37,994 --> 00:01:40,238
They took the bus.
They--They saved their money.
33
00:01:40,307 --> 00:01:43,724
With the money they saved
they bought a nice
little house upstate.
34
00:01:43,793 --> 00:01:47,141
Tree-lined street,
good school district.
35
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:49,316
Unfortunately
the neighbors' kids
are hooligans,
36
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,283
and every Sunday
they pelt the house
with eggs,
37
00:01:51,352 --> 00:01:52,905
and, you know,
the police have to come,
38
00:01:52,974 --> 00:01:54,286
but there's nothing
they can do, sadly,
39
00:01:54,355 --> 00:01:56,323
because there's no proof.
There's no proof.
40
00:01:56,392 --> 00:01:58,601
Got a pen? For what?
41
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:01,776
"Bliss or blunder:
perfect mate
or big mistake?"
42
00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:04,434
No, no, no, no. Come on, come, come on.
It's a quiz, it's a quiz.
43
00:02:04,503 --> 00:02:06,471
What kind of quiz?
Can you win a boat? No.
44
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,611
Then what good
comes of this?
45
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,268
All right. Fine.
I'll take it
for both of us.
46
00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:11,855
No, you can't.
You can't do that.Why not?
47
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,236
Because then it's skewed.
48
00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:14,306
In or out?
49
00:02:14,375 --> 00:02:16,343
All right, go.
50
00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:20,105
Question one.
"Do you believe in
love at first sight?"
51
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:24,247
You still have
the Sunday Times?
52
00:02:24,316 --> 00:02:26,007
Last one right here.
53
00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:28,424
Thanks.Hey, hey,
what are you doing?
54
00:02:28,493 --> 00:02:30,357
My parents' obituary
is in here.
55
00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:33,601
Oh, then, gee, go ahead.
Both of them?
56
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,155
It was an earthquake.
57
00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:37,260
Really?
58
00:02:38,434 --> 00:02:39,883
Beams hit them.
59
00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,196
Beams?
60
00:02:42,265 --> 00:02:45,061
It was very fast.
The ground just
swallowed up their house.
61
00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:48,754
What?
62
00:02:48,823 --> 00:02:49,893
What? Nothing.
63
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,067
Thanks.
64
00:02:58,039 --> 00:02:59,489
"J. Stemple."
65
00:03:00,697 --> 00:03:01,974
Stemple.
66
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,702
Do you believe
that girl?
67
00:03:06,427 --> 00:03:07,532
Hi!
68
00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:09,465
What are you doing
with my dry cleaning?
69
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,743
Well, you dropped
the slip last night
70
00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:14,055
as you hijacked
my newspaper.
71
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,298
How did you
find her?
72
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:16,955
I went to the dry cleaners.
73
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:18,405
And they told you
where I worked?
74
00:03:18,474 --> 00:03:21,339
Well, I--I... I told them
I was your houseboy, Coco.
75
00:03:22,788 --> 00:03:24,514
He thinks I have
a sexy voice.
76
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:26,827
He's a nice guy,
and he's cute.
77
00:03:26,896 --> 00:03:29,105
He is, isn't he? Yeah, and he gets
a little twinkle in his eye.
78
00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:30,796
I know, I know, I know.
He's so cute!
79
00:03:30,865 --> 00:03:33,178
Tell me-- Tell me
something about her.
80
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,455
Uh, Jamie? Yeah, yeah.
81
00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:35,663
Well, I could
tell you this.What?
82
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,459
I think she likes you. No.
83
00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:40,358
No, no, no! Yes, yes, yes!
84
00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:41,600
Why?
85
00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:43,878
Well, you know,
you could sense these things.
86
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,949
Because when you know
somebody that long,
87
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,572
you could sort of
read the signs.
88
00:03:47,641 --> 00:03:48,987
What signs?
89
00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,265
Fran told me.
90
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:56,477
I--I thought
about you, too,
last night.
91
00:03:56,546 --> 00:03:58,962
And then, when you
found me here today,
92
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,033
it's like it was too good
to be true.
93
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,796
Now you seem to be
this nice guy.
94
00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:09,766
Well, I--I can see
why you're troubled.
95
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,357
You realize, if this
doesn't work out,
96
00:04:14,426 --> 00:04:16,980
I'm gonna have to
blow my brains out.
97
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:19,189
That's good. So as long
as there's no pressure. Yeah.
98
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:26,024
I just don't want to be
disappointed again.
99
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,754
I'll do my best.
100
00:04:33,169 --> 00:04:35,758
Okay, come on.
Next question.
101
00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,553
"On a scale
from 1 to 10,
102
00:04:37,622 --> 00:04:39,451
"rate your sex life."
103
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,936
Only goes up to 10?
104
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:45,595
It doesn't bother you
that we haven't
had sex in five days?
105
00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:46,803
Hello!
106
00:04:48,564 --> 00:04:50,497
I just don't understand
why it doesn't bother you.
107
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:52,222
It's been
almost a week.
108
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,741
It's not a week.
109
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,778
Sunday will be a week.
What's going on with us?
110
00:04:55,847 --> 00:04:57,814
What's going on is that
we're married five months
111
00:04:57,883 --> 00:05:00,161
and the sexual part
is over.
112
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:04,373
See, I--I thought
you understood that.
113
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,236
I'm sorry.
That's what happens
when you're married.
114
00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:17,178
Well, I'm stumped. It beats me.
115
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:19,353
We know how to do this.
116
00:05:19,422 --> 00:05:20,906
[CHUCKLING]
117
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:23,461
All right, so let's just
go back to basics.
118
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:24,807
Arousal.
119
00:05:24,876 --> 00:05:26,567
Arousal. Yes.
120
00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:29,846
Arouse me.
121
00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:37,440
[CLEARS THROAT]
122
00:05:37,509 --> 00:05:38,476
[CLEARS THROAT]
123
00:05:57,426 --> 00:05:58,599
How you doing?
Nice to see you.
124
00:05:58,668 --> 00:05:59,980
How are you?
Nice to see you.
125
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:06,504
Hmm.
126
00:06:06,573 --> 00:06:08,713
What--What--What
is this?
127
00:06:08,782 --> 00:06:10,370
I thought
we could have sex now.
128
00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:12,441
Then we wouldn't
have to do it later.
129
00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:13,511
Are you eating?
130
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,340
I'm nibbling your ear.
131
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,308
I like that.
132
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,552
And I'm going down
your body.
133
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:22,002
I love that.
134
00:06:22,451 --> 00:06:24,073
And...
135
00:06:24,142 --> 00:06:27,317
I am kissing
your knees.
136
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,181
What niece?
I don't have a niece.
137
00:06:31,356 --> 00:06:34,601
Your knees! Your knees! Oh, my knees! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
138
00:06:34,670 --> 00:06:37,051
Come on, get with
the program here, babe! Okay, all right. All right.
139
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,538
Okay, I'm, um...
140
00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:41,918
What?
141
00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:45,439
I'm kissing your chest.
142
00:06:45,508 --> 00:06:46,785
I'm enjoying that.
143
00:06:46,854 --> 00:06:49,305
I'm enjoying
watching that from here.
144
00:06:49,374 --> 00:06:50,444
Keep watching.
145
00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:52,584
Well, you bet.
146
00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:54,655
I'm kissing down your body.
147
00:06:55,829 --> 00:06:57,451
My tongue
is just around your...
148
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,246
[PHONE BEEPS] Hold on a second,
I have another call.
149
00:06:59,315 --> 00:07:00,972
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
150
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,561
You're right. Let's do it.
151
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:05,563
Just like that?
Bing, bang, boom?
152
00:07:05,632 --> 00:07:08,980
At this point
I'd settle for the boom.
153
00:07:09,049 --> 00:07:11,154
You don't want
the bing and the bang? I did when we started.
154
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,777
And now? I'm over it.
155
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,021
You're a very
complex woman.
156
00:07:16,090 --> 00:07:17,091
You don't want the boom?
157
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,955
Of course
I want the boom.
158
00:07:19,024 --> 00:07:20,819
Guys always
want the boom.
159
00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:23,891
We only made up
the whole bing and the bang
just to get the boom.
160
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:28,655
I thought you liked
the bing and the bang.
161
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:30,829
I love the bing
and the bang. I just...
I don't always need it.
162
00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:32,348
Neither do I. So then
what are we arguing?
163
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,729
We're not! All right!
164
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,939
"Would you say
you get along
165
00:07:37,008 --> 00:07:39,976
"all of the time,
some of the time,
none of the time?"
166
00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:42,082
All of the time. Yeah, right.
167
00:07:44,429 --> 00:07:46,327
Yeah. No...
I can't.
168
00:07:46,396 --> 00:07:49,227
Lisa, I got to go. All right,
I'll see you when you
get here. Hurry up. Goodbye.
169
00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:51,816
Okay, I get it,
you're mad. Okay!
170
00:07:51,885 --> 00:07:53,127
How long are you gonna go
without talking to me?
171
00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:56,130
What, a week?
A month?
172
00:07:56,199 --> 00:07:58,029
Eventually you got
to talk to me.
Gotta come home and say,
173
00:07:58,098 --> 00:08:01,688
"Hey, look
how much money we made
on your brilliant investment!"
174
00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:03,724
All right, well,
you wanna know the truth?
175
00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,692
The truth is we would
never had to gone out
in the first place
176
00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:09,281
if you didn't let
our mothers tag-team you
on a damn call waiting!
177
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:10,766
Oh, so this whole thing
is my fault?
178
00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:12,112
Yeah, you're the one
who wanted call waiting.
179
00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:13,285
I didn't want
call waiting.
180
00:08:13,354 --> 00:08:15,391
I'm perfectly happy
with a busy signal.
181
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:16,737
That's because
you don't have
that many friends.
182
00:08:16,806 --> 00:08:18,290
I have plenty
of friends,
183
00:08:18,359 --> 00:08:20,672
but I'm not so worried
about getting back to them.
I'm not like you.
184
00:08:20,741 --> 00:08:21,984
"Oh, what if someone's
trying to get us?
185
00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:23,606
"What if they wanna get us?
They're trying to get us."
186
00:08:23,675 --> 00:08:25,401
Well, they got us, baby.
You happy now?
187
00:08:27,576 --> 00:08:29,060
Hey, there's
my beautiful bride.
188
00:08:29,129 --> 00:08:31,062
Yeah. Bite me.
189
00:08:31,131 --> 00:08:33,236
All I want you to do is
admit that you were wrong.
190
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:34,410
Listen. You know,
191
00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:36,136
I may have been
a few minutes
too impulsive.
192
00:08:36,205 --> 00:08:37,827
No, no, no,
that's not it.
193
00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:39,208
I was...
194
00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:41,382
Listen, it's not impossible
that my judgment
was impaired
195
00:08:41,451 --> 00:08:42,867
by the enthusiasm...
196
00:08:42,936 --> 00:08:45,179
Can't you just say
you were wrong?
197
00:08:45,248 --> 00:08:47,043
I'm saying this is
not the most right
I've ever been.
198
00:08:47,112 --> 00:08:48,976
You are pathetic!
199
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:50,840
I hate that
you're being this way.
200
00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:52,911
Well, good, 'cause I hate
that you made plans
with your sister
201
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:55,465
on the first Saturday
I'm not working
in five weeks.
202
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,952
I didn't know
you weren't working,
for the 416th time.
203
00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:01,644
I said to you Thursday... You said you thought
you might not have to.
204
00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:02,956
You never confirmed.
205
00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:04,889
I never confirmed?
206
00:09:04,958 --> 00:09:07,063
What are you, TWA?
207
00:09:07,132 --> 00:09:08,824
Why don't you
just say it? Say what?
208
00:09:08,893 --> 00:09:10,860
That I'm driving you nuts. Why would I say that?
209
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,068
'Cause it's true, isn't it? No, it's not.
210
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,863
What, you can't say it?No, you're not... What?
211
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,589
Can you say the words,
"I'm driving you nuts"? No, you're not!
212
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:17,004
Yeah, okay, you know what?
Yes, you are!
You're driving me nuts!
213
00:09:17,073 --> 00:09:18,592
Okay, then.
214
00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:21,215
No, it's not okay,
'cause, you know, you don't
realize what a nut...
215
00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:23,563
You've become nuts.
You're just nuts.
You're nutty.
216
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:24,909
You're... Everything...
It's... Nutty!
217
00:09:24,978 --> 00:09:27,256
You become quite the nut,
my little friend.
218
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:31,709
And I'll be honest. Yes!
You wanted to ask me? Yes!
You're driving me crazy.
219
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:34,574
Well, why didn't you
just say something?
220
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:35,609
[CASUALLY]
'Cause it's all right.
221
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:40,994
"Who would you say
really runs
your household?"
222
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,586
[MURRAY PANTING]
223
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,761
Honey?
224
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,434
This is new.
225
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:14,786
How did Murray do
with the mouse today?
226
00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,650
There is no mouse.
227
00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:19,032
Oh, there's no mouse?
All right, so then what's
he been chasing all week?
228
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:20,585
[MURRAY BARKING] He thinks
there's a mouse.
229
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,001
So he runs after nothing
90 miles an hour
230
00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:25,728
and slams into the wall
231
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:28,489
with this pathetic
furry thud.
232
00:10:28,558 --> 00:10:29,698
[THUD]
233
00:10:32,493 --> 00:10:34,875
Hey, this is really low.
How do you do this?
234
00:10:46,197 --> 00:10:47,439
[THUD]
235
00:10:57,311 --> 00:10:58,519
[THUD]
236
00:11:00,798 --> 00:11:02,903
Murray, go get the mouse.He doesn't want it.
237
00:11:02,972 --> 00:11:04,836
Murray, look,
go get the mouse. He ain't interested.
238
00:11:04,905 --> 00:11:06,838
Here it comes, here it comes.
Murray, here comes the mouse.
239
00:11:06,907 --> 00:11:08,702
Here comes the mouse!
Here comes the mouse!
240
00:11:08,771 --> 00:11:09,945
[THUD]
241
00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:14,363
Son of a bitch!
242
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:16,158
Oh!
243
00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:18,263
Look at you!
244
00:11:21,853 --> 00:11:23,130
Hey, isn't that our bus?
245
00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:25,615
Yeah, all right.
Very good.
246
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,694
Okay. Let's see.
247
00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:36,316
Wait. W-W-W-What
are you doing?
248
00:11:36,385 --> 00:11:37,558
I just want to see
if we're winning.
249
00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,319
You can't score it
till the end.
250
00:11:39,388 --> 00:11:41,114
Just give me round numbers.
Are we happy?
251
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:43,012
We're very happy.
252
00:11:43,081 --> 00:11:45,463
No, I know we're happy.
It's just it's nice to have it
confirmed numerically.
253
00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:47,292
Wouldn't that be
horrible? What?
254
00:11:47,361 --> 00:11:48,811
What if we take
this whole test
255
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,502
and find out
we're miserable?
256
00:11:50,571 --> 00:11:51,607
I'd leave you.
257
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:54,127
You'd leave me? In a heartbeat, baby.
258
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:55,231
That's very sweet.
259
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,199
Sure, 'cause if
the magazine says...
260
00:11:57,268 --> 00:11:58,579
Remember I took
that nutrition quiz?
261
00:11:58,648 --> 00:11:59,995
Found that I had
no potassium?
262
00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:01,928
Got that big jar
of Banana Power?
263
00:12:01,997 --> 00:12:04,413
Did you ever take
that Banana Power? Not once.
264
00:12:04,482 --> 00:12:07,278
Why did you buy it? Because the magazine said.
265
00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:09,107
There it is! Oop, no,
It's not our bus.
266
00:12:09,176 --> 00:12:11,006
All right,
give me another question.
267
00:12:11,075 --> 00:12:12,455
"Does your spouse
still find
268
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:15,010
"the little things
you do endearing?"
269
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:18,876
[SLURPING]
270
00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:24,744
[SLURPING]
271
00:12:28,678 --> 00:12:29,887
[SLURPS BRIEFLY]
272
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:36,686
[GARGLING]
273
00:12:54,704 --> 00:12:59,088
[PAUL SCATTING]
274
00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:07,303
[SNORING]
275
00:13:14,276 --> 00:13:15,346
[SNORTS]
276
00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:17,279
Hey! What are you, nuts?
277
00:13:17,348 --> 00:13:18,798
We talked about that! All right.
278
00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:20,351
Don't do that.
279
00:13:21,179 --> 00:13:22,560
You're nuts.
280
00:13:23,872 --> 00:13:25,770
You're a big nutty nut.
281
00:13:28,117 --> 00:13:29,360
Watch me.
282
00:13:34,641 --> 00:13:35,642
Voila!
283
00:13:41,027 --> 00:13:43,995
WOMAN ON TV: Oh, darling,
we'll never be apart. Never.
284
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:46,480
PAUL:
♪ Matty told Hatty
285
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:48,862
♪ About the things
you done
286
00:13:49,483 --> 00:13:51,140
[SCATTING]
287
00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:52,901
♪ Wooly bully
288
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:54,488
♪ Wooly bully
289
00:13:54,557 --> 00:13:56,283
♪ Wooly bully
290
00:13:56,352 --> 00:13:57,802
♪ Wooly bully
291
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,286
♪ Wooly bully
292
00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:26,520
How long are we
going to be doing this?
293
00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,109
"Do you enjoy
spending time
294
00:14:29,178 --> 00:14:32,009
"with your spouse's
family?"
295
00:14:32,078 --> 00:14:33,700
I'm going to say
"yes" anyway.
296
00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:40,396
Look, you have a husband,
and I have a husband.
297
00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:43,710
We're women.
We're a family. And...
298
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:46,402
You can talk to me
about how you feel.
299
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:47,956
I want you to.
300
00:14:51,994 --> 00:14:55,377
Paul, you know
who I ran into?
Gloria Black.
301
00:14:55,446 --> 00:14:56,654
She's gonna want
to sit with Betty.
302
00:14:56,723 --> 00:14:57,931
No, Betty's
not coming.
303
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,864
It doesn't matter.
304
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,797
You just can't
seat people
willy-nilly.
305
00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:03,385
Well, it's not
willy-nilly here.
306
00:15:03,454 --> 00:15:06,215
You put Estelle Moss
with the depressives. Why?
307
00:15:06,284 --> 00:15:07,699
Why? Why?
Why do you think, Ma?
308
00:15:07,768 --> 00:15:08,908
She's better. She's not better.
309
00:15:13,809 --> 00:15:16,225
Listen, I wouldn't put
Charlie near the bar.
You're asking for trouble.
310
00:15:16,294 --> 00:15:17,364
Oh, God. Oh, oh, oh.
311
00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,263
Let's change Charlie
with Anna.
312
00:15:19,332 --> 00:15:21,265
Which one is Anna? The big one.
313
00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:22,680
The Fosters
are coming. Yes.
314
00:15:22,749 --> 00:15:23,992
Where? Where?Right here
by the...
315
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:25,717
[DOORBELL BUZZES] Look, right here!
316
00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,685
All right. No, no,
no exchanging anything.
317
00:15:27,754 --> 00:15:29,376
[ALL CLAMORING]
318
00:15:29,445 --> 00:15:33,277
Ow! The Bundelots
just bit me in the ass.
319
00:15:33,346 --> 00:15:34,485
I was getting
worried about you.
320
00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:35,727
You'll never guess
who I saw.Who?
321
00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:37,212
Regis Philbin.
322
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:39,076
Where? Downstairs.
323
00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:40,525
Come on, let's go down.
I'll introduce us.
324
00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:42,182
The second act's
about to start.
325
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:43,839
We have time.
326
00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:45,323
Come on... You know what?
It probably wasn't even him.
327
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:47,049
What, I don't know
Regis Philbin?
328
00:15:47,118 --> 00:15:48,809
[STUTTERING] Yes.
Of course... Hey, you...
Hey, listen,
329
00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:50,984
you are the foremost
Regis Philbin spotter
on the planet.
330
00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:52,192
What are you getting
so upset about?
331
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:54,229
He's not upset. I'm not upset.
332
00:15:54,298 --> 00:15:55,540
[WHISPERING IN AWE]
There he is.
333
00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:56,403
Where?Okay, come on,
don't point at a guy!
334
00:15:56,472 --> 00:15:57,991
Fourth row.
335
00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,613
All right, Pop.
Dad, come on.
336
00:15:59,682 --> 00:16:00,856
Hey, that's him. All right.
337
00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,133
Didn't I tell you? Right.
338
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:03,790
Honey,
it actually is him. I'm very excited.
339
00:16:03,859 --> 00:16:05,826
Hey, up here! Hey! Okay, Dad, come on.
Dad? Dad?
340
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:08,450
[GROANING] Hello, Regis!
341
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:11,073
Hey, James,
how you doing? Good. We were just running...
342
00:16:11,142 --> 00:16:12,143
[SILENCING]
343
00:16:12,212 --> 00:16:13,765
One thing, all right?
344
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,146
It's totally up to you,
345
00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:16,492
but I was talking
to this buddy of mine
346
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,184
who does these comic book
conventions, right?
347
00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:20,496
And again,
totally up to you,
348
00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:23,016
but If we wanted to make
a little extra money,
you know, I mean,
349
00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,398
just, you know, taking
your picture with the people,
stuff like that...
350
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:26,847
No. Totally up to you.
351
00:16:26,916 --> 00:16:28,021
I know. I know. Easy money.
Really easy money.
352
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:29,126
[WHISPERING] I think
you should move.
353
00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:31,542
So... Okay, so you
think about it.
354
00:16:31,611 --> 00:16:33,578
Your mother was
in labor for 26 hours?
355
00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:37,548
I had a very big head.
356
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:39,653
Tell her I appreciated
the accommodations back then.
357
00:16:39,722 --> 00:16:41,862
I am out now.
358
00:16:41,931 --> 00:16:43,347
And get over the scampi!
359
00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:46,695
Mrs. Buchman,
hold on one second,
I got another call.
360
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:48,214
Hello. Buchman residence. It's Jamie's mom.
361
00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:50,526
Oh, hi, Mrs. Stemple.
Jamie, it's your mom.
362
00:16:50,595 --> 00:16:52,528
No, forget it. No. She sounds happy.
363
00:16:52,597 --> 00:16:55,083
Of course she sounds happy.
Tell her to call back
when she's not.
364
00:16:55,152 --> 00:16:57,740
Mrs. Stemple, can you
hold on a minute?
365
00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,639
Mrs. Buchman,
can I tell you something?
366
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:01,675
Go ahead, darling.
367
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,781
Last Labor Day,
when Jamie's parents
had that big barbecue,
368
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:04,885
[EXCLAIMING SOFTLY]No, no, no, no!
369
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:06,577
Jamie's mother
spent 20 minutes
370
00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:08,613
telling me
how wonderful you were.
371
00:17:08,682 --> 00:17:10,339
They had a barbecue
and they didn't invite us! What?
372
00:17:10,408 --> 00:17:12,203
Well, I'm sure
she meant to invite you.
373
00:17:13,929 --> 00:17:15,413
[SYLVIA CLAMORING] Uh-huh.
374
00:17:15,482 --> 00:17:16,794
Uh-huh.
375
00:17:16,863 --> 00:17:19,038
Oh, h-h-hold on a second.
376
00:17:19,107 --> 00:17:20,142
Mrs. Stemple?
377
00:17:20,211 --> 00:17:21,454
[THERESA CLAMORING] Uh-huh.
378
00:17:21,523 --> 00:17:23,594
Uh-huh.
379
00:17:23,663 --> 00:17:26,045
I'm going uptown.
Do you think
that she would like a lift?
380
00:17:26,114 --> 00:17:27,425
That's all right,
you don't have to
give me a lift.
381
00:17:27,494 --> 00:17:29,876
Oh. So you don't want me
to give you a lift?
382
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:31,533
No, no, no.
I would love a lift.
383
00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:34,053
Thank you, Mom.
384
00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:36,676
Did you hear that?
She called me "Mom."
385
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:38,298
You don't have
to do that.
386
00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:41,543
All right.
387
00:17:41,612 --> 00:17:44,787
"Do you share
your fantasies
with your spouse?"
388
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,515
Put down yes,
but I don't advise it.
389
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,070
"Brinkley, David.
390
00:17:51,139 --> 00:17:52,899
"Brinkley, Christie.
391
00:17:53,555 --> 00:17:54,935
"Buddhism.
392
00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:57,869
"Christie Brinkley."
393
00:17:57,938 --> 00:18:01,252
You know, if you don't mind,
I'd love for you to rub
some of this oil on my back.
394
00:18:02,909 --> 00:18:05,222
I just like this
so much.
395
00:18:06,395 --> 00:18:07,396
Wow.
396
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,401
You know, it's okay
to do it hard.
397
00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:13,713
Sorry. Am I being
too gentle?
398
00:18:13,782 --> 00:18:15,715
No, it's just perfect.
399
00:18:15,784 --> 00:18:20,168
I just want you to know
that you can't do it too hard
or too soft.
400
00:18:20,237 --> 00:18:22,825
Everything you do
is just right.
401
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,173
That's what I think.
Thank you.
402
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:27,520
You're being like a child.
403
00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:29,763
You play some
video game one time
and you have to have it?
404
00:18:29,832 --> 00:18:32,904
It's not a video game.
I keep telling you.
It's not a video game.
405
00:18:32,973 --> 00:18:34,216
All right.
What's the difference?
406
00:18:34,285 --> 00:18:36,322
Oh, it's so different,
you can't even compare.
407
00:18:36,391 --> 00:18:38,807
It's like, on this,
you can do anything you want.
408
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:40,981
You can-- You can ski
on the Alps.
409
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,467
You can...
You're riding a raft through
the Colorado River.
410
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,020
You're in
the space shuttle.
411
00:18:45,089 --> 00:18:46,987
You're flying
all over the Earth.
412
00:18:47,056 --> 00:18:49,507
You can-- You can sing
on Broadway. You're on stage,
you're singing.
413
00:18:49,576 --> 00:18:52,993
And everything you do,
it's like you're doing it.
414
00:18:53,062 --> 00:18:54,340
You're right there,
you're doing it.
415
00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:55,755
Could we do these things
together?
416
00:18:55,824 --> 00:18:57,481
Of course! Yeah!
417
00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:00,104
What did you do?
418
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:02,555
I gave Christie Brinkley
a massage.
419
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:11,564
She had an itch.
420
00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,911
Listen, it's...
I gotta...
It's phenomenal.
421
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:16,120
You really...
You can't believe
what this is.
422
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,329
It's like...
423
00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:20,124
I'm like...
It's Christie Brinkley.
424
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,781
So I'm looking at
Christie Brinkley.
425
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:23,955
I'm talking to
Christie Brinkley.
426
00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:25,440
Christie Brinkley
is talking to me.
427
00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,235
We're talking.
Christie Brinkley and I
were talking...
428
00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:28,615
I could...
You could see her.
429
00:19:28,684 --> 00:19:30,893
I could feel
Christie Brinkley.
430
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,206
You know? It's like...
It's so funny. It's like,
431
00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:34,897
they had, like,
lotion, this oil.
432
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,899
So she asked me to put it on,
so I'm putting this lotion...
433
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:40,524
And I'm rubbing oil
right--right on her.
Right on...
434
00:19:40,593 --> 00:19:43,389
And I'm telling you,
you've never felt
skin like this.
435
00:19:45,598 --> 00:19:48,187
You're a little, little man.
436
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,677
All right. So?
How did we do?
437
00:19:55,746 --> 00:19:57,126
What, very happy?
Blissful?
438
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,335
Ecstatic?
439
00:19:58,404 --> 00:19:59,784
What are we looking at?
440
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:02,822
Carry the one.
441
00:20:02,891 --> 00:20:03,995
Well?
442
00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:07,413
Wait a second.
443
00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:13,729
Wow!
444
00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:16,042
Really!
445
00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:31,402
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
446
00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:35,717
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
447
00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:39,548
♪ Tell me all your secrets
and I'll tell you most of mine
448
00:20:39,617 --> 00:20:43,656
♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time
449
00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:47,591
♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan
450
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:49,040
♪ All I have is you
451
00:20:49,109 --> 00:20:51,250
♪ So, darling,
help me understand
452
00:20:51,319 --> 00:20:53,079
♪ What we do
453
00:20:53,148 --> 00:20:55,081
♪ You can whisper in my ear
454
00:20:55,150 --> 00:20:56,876
♪ Where we go
455
00:20:56,945 --> 00:20:59,361
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
456
00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:01,156
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
457
00:21:01,225 --> 00:21:04,435
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
458
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:08,128
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
459
00:21:08,197 --> 00:21:10,269
♪ Yeah!
460
00:21:10,338 --> 00:21:12,132
♪ I'm mad about you
461
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:25,698
What do they know?
33627
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