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♪ [SINGS "COPACABANA"]
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♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
3
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-What are you looking at?
-Nothing.
4
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Good. Quick question.
Do we still like these pants?
5
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Yes.
6
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Okay. Then I shall wear them.
7
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Good.
♪ [HUMS "COPACABANA"]
8
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Because you know I've got
that meeting today and...
9
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I'm not sure which way to go.
10
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I want to look a little
like them and a little like me.
11
00:01:38,753 --> 00:01:41,618
-Who are you meeting with?
-The Explorer Channel.
12
00:01:41,618 --> 00:01:43,551
-Wear khaki.
-Why?
13
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I don't know. Explorer, safari,
you wear khakis or chinos.
14
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No, khakis are chinos.
15
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Myth, myth, myth.
One's a color. One's a style.
16
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[TELEPHONE RINGS]
17
00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:53,423
I don't think so,
my little friend.
18
00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:55,736
-Wasn't last night wonderful?
-Huh? Hello.
19
00:01:57,220 --> 00:02:00,499
Hey, Ira. Hey, you would know.
Khakis and chinos?
20
00:02:00,499 --> 00:02:03,157
Same thing, or different?
Ha! Same thing.
21
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-Both wrong.
-Yeah, right.
22
00:02:04,434 --> 00:02:05,918
So what's up?
23
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,714
-No, I don't want to do that.
-Do what?
24
00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:12,304
Go with Ira to Klarik's and
stare at the gift-wrapping girl.
25
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-You should go.
-Why should I go?
26
00:02:14,341 --> 00:02:15,514
You can buy chinos.
27
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-Come with me.
-I can't.
28
00:02:17,620 --> 00:02:20,416
Fran and I have our meeting
with the Cab Drivers' Union.
29
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:21,831
I hate buying pants myself.
30
00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:24,627
Come on. You're going
to walk into that meeting.
31
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The Explorer people are gonna
look at you in your new chinos,
32
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and they're gonna say, "I've got
to buy a movie from chino boy."
33
00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:36,501
I'll see you at
the store at 10:30.
34
00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:38,675
What is happening to you?
35
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Nothing. I just really enjoyed
last night.
36
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-Well, that's a good thing.
-Why? Didn't you?
37
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I, uh...
38
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-No complaints about last night.
-I should hope not.
39
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,103
You broke the clock, you know.
40
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,348
-What clock?
-On the night stand.
41
00:02:56,348 --> 00:02:58,074
-We did?
-No, you did.
42
00:02:58,074 --> 00:03:01,629
Three thirty-eight when you
flung me back over to your side.
43
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-Sorry.
-No "sorry". Thank you.
44
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:09,672
-Thank you.
-No, no, thank you.
45
00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:16,265
Why exactly was
last night so great?
46
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,991
-[CHUCKLES] Why?
-No, I know why.
47
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:21,856
Why do you think
it was so great?
48
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:26,378
Because it was so... great.
49
00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:29,485
You were so uninhibited,
so primal.
50
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You were so wild.
51
00:03:31,935 --> 00:03:33,937
Yeah.
Well, what are you going to do?
52
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,566
Maybe we go to
bed early tonight?
53
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:43,395
-You got it.
-Good luck.
54
00:03:43,395 --> 00:03:45,259
-Yeah, good luck you.
-[BARKS]
55
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,300
What did you see?
56
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:55,787
[CAR HORN HONKS]
57
00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:59,377
What do you mean
you don't remember?
58
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I'm telling you. I have no
recollection of the whole event.
59
00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:04,105
You're telling me
you're banging away--
60
00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:05,106
Hey.
61
00:04:06,176 --> 00:04:08,040
Pardon me. Your lovely wife
and yourself
62
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,628
are having conjugal activities.
63
00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,492
-Yeah.
-In the middle of the night.
64
00:04:11,492 --> 00:04:13,356
The best sex of
your married career.
65
00:04:13,356 --> 00:04:15,151
-That's right.
-And you were sound asleep.
66
00:04:15,151 --> 00:04:16,428
This is what I'm saying.
67
00:04:19,673 --> 00:04:21,088
This is funny to you?
68
00:04:21,088 --> 00:04:22,883
Walking in your sleep
is one thing.
69
00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:25,265
-Yeah, but--
-Okay, why don't you try these?
70
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,991
See, these are like chinos
but there's a heavier weave.
71
00:04:27,991 --> 00:04:31,063
There's a triple pleat making
the pockets more streamline.
72
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:33,169
-Oh, please, listen to you.
-You see?
73
00:04:33,169 --> 00:04:35,413
Look at this, "new and improved"
sister-in-law
74
00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:37,346
now with extra pants knowledge.
75
00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:40,418
I know. Want to know
what my boss, Mr. Klarik, said?
76
00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:41,488
Please.
77
00:04:41,626 --> 00:04:44,456
He said I have the best sense
of design and presentation
78
00:04:44,456 --> 00:04:46,355
of anyone he's hired since 1984.
79
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:47,804
-Wow.
-Yeah, I know.
80
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:50,497
Starting next week,
I spend a month in Personnel.
81
00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:52,637
-Personnel.
-Yeah, they're grooming me.
82
00:04:52,637 --> 00:04:54,190
-You're being groomed?
-Yeah.
83
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:55,502
-For what?
-I don't know.
84
00:04:57,435 --> 00:04:59,229
All right.
What do we think of these?
85
00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:01,991
Uh... We like these.
86
00:05:01,991 --> 00:05:04,683
-These are khakis, right?
-Yeah, but they're not chinos.
87
00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:07,134
-Why not?
-These are chinos.
88
00:05:08,169 --> 00:05:10,240
-Those are chinos.
-Why are those chinos?
89
00:05:11,414 --> 00:05:13,105
Look, it is so simple.
90
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,004
You can have a khaki pant
that are chinos.
91
00:05:15,004 --> 00:05:16,246
You can have chinos
that are khakis,
92
00:05:16,246 --> 00:05:17,800
but not all chinos are khaki.
93
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,733
Just like, not all khakis
are chinos or even pants.
94
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:22,805
Hell, you could have a khaki
shirt or a hat. [CHUCKLES]
95
00:05:25,221 --> 00:05:27,465
See, that's a chunk of my life
I never get back.
96
00:05:28,949 --> 00:05:30,916
Hey, why don't you
try on the charcoal.
97
00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:32,090
-All right.
-Excuse me.
98
00:05:32,090 --> 00:05:33,160
[CLATTERING]
99
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,094
Brenda, that's not
how we do things.
100
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[CHUCKLES] I love doing that.
101
00:05:39,718 --> 00:05:42,514
Six months ago she was watching Hogan's Heroeswith milk.
102
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:46,622
Paulie,
what I don't understand is,
103
00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:48,520
how deep
could you have been sleeping?
104
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,936
If you were that good,
wouldn't you wake yourself up?
105
00:05:50,936 --> 00:05:52,144
Apparently not.
106
00:05:52,835 --> 00:05:54,112
Well, maybe she made it up.
107
00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,079
-That's what I thought. Look.
-What?
108
00:05:56,079 --> 00:05:57,771
It's where I knocked over
the alarm clock.
109
00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,705
PAUL: I'm so good,
I actually injured myself.
110
00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:02,845
Know what the scary part is?
111
00:06:02,845 --> 00:06:05,054
-What?
-What if I'm never good again?
112
00:06:05,468 --> 00:06:09,714
What if my young bride realizes
that the sleeping me
113
00:06:09,714 --> 00:06:11,267
is better than the awake me?
114
00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:14,408
-First, you don't tell her.
-No, I'm not gonna--
115
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,445
You just don't.
Your stock is way up.
116
00:06:16,445 --> 00:06:18,032
-You leave it alone.
-Well, look.
117
00:06:18,032 --> 00:06:20,518
I have the pressure of having
to do it again and frankly,
118
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:22,140
I don't know if I can compete
with me.
119
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,693
Is she telling me these
are not khaki?
120
00:06:23,693 --> 00:06:25,177
Oh, these pants are itchy.
121
00:06:28,698 --> 00:06:29,734
Now, you bought them.
122
00:06:35,498 --> 00:06:38,259
-He flung you?
-Like a sack of cotton.
123
00:06:39,571 --> 00:06:41,918
-Good for him.
-Good for me.
124
00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:43,437
There was no talking.
125
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,820
He just rolled over, threw
off the covers and took me.
126
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:47,959
He took you?
127
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,340
-And there was no talking.
-You guys talk?
128
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,929
-Yeah, we talk.
-What do you talk about?
129
00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:56,485
You know, "That feels good."
130
00:06:56,485 --> 00:06:59,764
"Don't stop." "I love you
so much." "Keep doing that."
131
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:02,456
"What are all these pillows?"
132
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,596
"Will you stop
with the pillows?"
133
00:07:04,596 --> 00:07:05,701
"I'm just asking."
134
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:07,979
"They're from your mother."
"Don't mention my mother".
135
00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:11,638
Mostly, "That feels good.
Keep doing that".
136
00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:14,951
-When is the meeting starting?
-Must be running late.
137
00:07:14,951 --> 00:07:16,297
I've got to hit the ladies room.
138
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,199
-I'm going to tell her.
-Who?
139
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:22,856
-Jamie.
-That you were in a coma?
140
00:07:22,856 --> 00:07:24,098
-Yeah.
-Good.
141
00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:27,101
Oh, man,
is she not achingly lovely?
142
00:07:27,516 --> 00:07:30,311
She's very pretty.
I have to. I have to tell her.
143
00:07:30,311 --> 00:07:31,381
Paulie, am I sweating?
144
00:07:31,381 --> 00:07:33,694
No. And I'll bet you
she'll think it's funny.
145
00:07:33,694 --> 00:07:36,283
-I think I'm sweating.
-I bet she'll laugh.
146
00:07:36,283 --> 00:07:37,560
-She won't laugh.
-Jamie?
147
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,424
-She can laugh.
-She won't laugh.
148
00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:40,908
I would laugh. You might laugh.
149
00:07:40,908 --> 00:07:42,738
Jamie will not
think this is funny.
150
00:07:42,738 --> 00:07:44,118
-Thank you.
-Next please.
151
00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:46,604
Although she might
think it's funny, huh?
152
00:07:46,604 --> 00:07:48,468
-Hey, hey.
-I'll be subtle. Trust me.
153
00:07:48,882 --> 00:07:50,642
-Hi.
-Well, hello again.
154
00:07:50,642 --> 00:07:52,955
Hello. Listen.
You may be able to help us.
155
00:07:52,955 --> 00:07:55,544
My friend here is in a bit
of an embarrassing situation.
156
00:07:55,544 --> 00:07:57,235
-What's the matter with you?
-Huh-ba-ba-ba.
157
00:07:57,822 --> 00:08:00,963
You see, last night
he gave his wife a gift,
158
00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:04,035
a very, very wonderful gift
and the problem is,
159
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:05,968
he doesn't remember
giving it to her.
160
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,004
-Something you bought here?
-Oh, no, no.
161
00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:10,075
This is something...
I made it myself.
162
00:08:10,075 --> 00:08:11,076
Yeah.
163
00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:14,701
This is something he made
and his wife just loved.
164
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,116
She really loved this gift.
165
00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:18,187
You know what, that's quite
enough sharing. Thank you.
166
00:08:18,187 --> 00:08:19,878
-She wants to know.
-It's all right.
167
00:08:19,878 --> 00:08:22,053
You don't need anything wrapped
at all, do you?
168
00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:23,123
No, that's not true at all.
169
00:08:23,123 --> 00:08:25,125
We need this
wrapped in a lovely box.
170
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:26,298
-These are my pants.
-So.
171
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,646
-My pants I wore from home.
-The woman is here to wrap.
172
00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:29,992
Let her do her job.
173
00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:33,374
-Am I right, Cassandra?
-Yes.
174
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:35,894
So where do you fellows live?
175
00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:38,932
-Where do you need me?
-Well...
176
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:42,487
if you lived out of state,
177
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:44,489
I could ship this to you,
save the sales tax.
178
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:46,664
My aunt lives in Jersey.
We can send it to her.
179
00:08:47,181 --> 00:08:49,321
Why would we ship
my pants to your aunt?
180
00:08:49,908 --> 00:08:52,359
To save the sales tax.
How long will this take?
181
00:08:52,359 --> 00:08:53,981
-A few minutes.
-A few minutes.
182
00:08:53,981 --> 00:08:55,742
Go ahead, you take your time.
183
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:57,813
I love her.
184
00:09:00,401 --> 00:09:02,956
-He did that to you?
-For an hour.
185
00:09:02,956 --> 00:09:05,027
-And you let him?
-I begged him.
186
00:09:06,269 --> 00:09:09,376
-I thought there was no talking?
-I begged him without words.
187
00:09:10,411 --> 00:09:12,897
An hour, huh? It didn't tickle.
188
00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:15,002
Why would that tickle?
189
00:09:17,315 --> 00:09:18,419
Okay. I believe you.
190
00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:21,526
Okay, girls,
the meter is running.
191
00:09:21,526 --> 00:09:22,596
[CHUCKLING]
192
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,771
That just gets funnier
every time I hear it.
193
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:25,841
FRAN: Okay, ready?
194
00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:27,463
Yeah, but I got to hit
the ladies room.
195
00:09:27,463 --> 00:09:28,533
What is with you?
196
00:09:32,226 --> 00:09:34,021
IRA: I should be
getting back to work.
197
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:35,195
-Hey, hey.
-What?
198
00:09:35,195 --> 00:09:37,715
-We're in public.
-These pants are itching me.
199
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:40,510
WOMAN:
We don't stare, sweetheart.
200
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:43,168
Hey, listen, you want
to grab a bite to eat?
201
00:09:43,168 --> 00:09:46,240
I can't. I've got to get my
tapes and stuff for the meeting.
202
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,552
Hey, where's my keys?
203
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,105
I don't know. I don't have them.
204
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,280
-They're in my pants.
-Okay.
205
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,593
My other pants.
The ones on the way to Jersey.
206
00:09:54,110 --> 00:09:55,284
That was dumb?
207
00:09:56,492 --> 00:09:57,700
-Come here.
-What?
208
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,357
-Oh, like it was my fault.
-Come here!
209
00:10:05,846 --> 00:10:08,159
Fran, I'm glad I found you guys.
Where's Jamie?
210
00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:10,989
She's in the bathroom
for like the 40th time today.
211
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:12,922
How did it go with your cabbies?
212
00:10:12,922 --> 00:10:14,510
They expect us to spruce up
heir image,
213
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:17,030
-but all they do is curse.
-The bastards!
214
00:10:18,065 --> 00:10:19,135
What are you doing here?
215
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:21,517
I gotta get into the house
and I need Jamie's keys.
216
00:10:21,517 --> 00:10:22,552
Where are your keys?
217
00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:26,108
It's so dumb,
I can't even tell you.
218
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:27,696
You could tell me--
219
00:10:27,696 --> 00:10:29,663
Ooh! Hey, by the way,
I heard about last night.
220
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,664
Good for you.
221
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,942
I can't believe she tells you
these things.
222
00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:34,634
What did she tell you?
223
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,807
You should know.
You were there.
224
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:38,914
Yeah, well, you'd be surprised.
225
00:10:39,811 --> 00:10:40,847
What are you talking about?
226
00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:45,299
I want your opinion,
but if I tell you this,
227
00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:46,956
you've got to swear
not to tell Jamie.
228
00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:48,613
-Oh, I swear.
-No, but really swear.
229
00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:50,753
Not the kind where
you swear and tell anyway.
230
00:10:50,753 --> 00:10:52,237
-I am telling you, I swear.
-Okay.
231
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:55,620
If I tell you this, you and I
are gonna have a secret.
232
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:56,932
-So? So?
-From Jamie.
233
00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:59,382
Well, we've never done that.
You belong to her.
234
00:10:59,382 --> 00:11:00,729
You're predominantly her friend.
235
00:11:00,729 --> 00:11:01,937
I am your friend.
236
00:11:01,937 --> 00:11:03,490
-Friend-in-law.
-Okay. Whatever.
237
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:04,491
All right.
238
00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:07,114
If I tell you this, we're
gonna step over that line
239
00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:08,391
and you can never go back.
240
00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:10,980
Okay, don't tell me.
241
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:12,464
What do you mean?
I want to tell you.
242
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,880
-Tell me.
-But you gotta swear.
243
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,882
-I can't swear.
-I'm giving another chance.
244
00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:17,538
-All right, I swear.
-Okay.
245
00:11:17,538 --> 00:11:18,850
-Hey, you.
-Tell me.
246
00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:19,817
I don't trust you.
247
00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:27,169
Ooh! I haven't had one
of these in ages.
248
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:29,619
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
249
00:11:29,619 --> 00:11:32,070
You know what?
You're just too happy today.
250
00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,623
I'm not happy.
251
00:11:33,623 --> 00:11:36,143
-Something's going on with you.
-I told you.
252
00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:38,732
Good sex only lasts so long,
no matter how good it is.
253
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,699
There's something else.
254
00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:42,115
What else?
255
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,531
If you want to catch a cab,
that's fine.
256
00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:46,188
-I'm just going to walk home.
-I'll wait.
257
00:11:46,188 --> 00:11:47,189
What else?
258
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,056
-Are you gonna tell me or not?
-Tell you what?
259
00:11:52,435 --> 00:11:53,471
What else?
260
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:55,680
Um...
261
00:11:57,647 --> 00:11:59,615
You should go.
I've gotta get a bunch of stuff.
262
00:11:59,615 --> 00:12:01,617
-I'm in no rush.
-What else?
263
00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:04,275
Um... This is...
264
00:12:06,415 --> 00:12:08,417
There's just no reason
for you to wait.
265
00:12:08,831 --> 00:12:11,040
-You trying to get rid of me?
-No, no, no.
266
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,077
-What are you not telling me?
-Nothing.
267
00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:15,182
-What else?
-You know what?
268
00:12:15,182 --> 00:12:18,082
Let me wait outside.
Get whatever you have to get.
269
00:12:18,082 --> 00:12:20,601
You'll probably have to stop
in the ladies' room again,
270
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:21,602
and, uh...
271
00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:24,640
we can walk home and talk.
272
00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:27,643
-Are you sure?
-What else?
273
00:12:29,369 --> 00:12:32,855
-The early pregnancy test.
-Yeah, throw one in there.
274
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:42,382
PAUL: I think it's a great film
for you but, you know.
275
00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:44,487
You think this might be
a good film for us
276
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:47,836
because we're conservative,
we're corporate, we're safe,
277
00:12:47,836 --> 00:12:49,320
we're middle-of-the-road,
278
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,978
we never push the envelope
or take the kind of chances
279
00:12:51,978 --> 00:12:54,463
that an independent filmmaker
like you likes to take.
280
00:12:54,463 --> 00:12:55,982
-No, no--
-I've done this before.
281
00:12:55,982 --> 00:12:58,570
I made over 70
documentary films.
282
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,055
I never made a dime,
283
00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:02,609
and I never knew where
my next job was coming from.
284
00:13:03,023 --> 00:13:06,061
Then one day, I drove
my cousin's Mercedes and I said,
285
00:13:06,544 --> 00:13:11,618
"You know what?
This is a very nice car."
286
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:16,588
-All right, sir.
-Let me make you a proposition.
287
00:13:21,697 --> 00:13:23,906
-Hey, are you home?
-JAMIE: I'm in here.
288
00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:27,151
You're not going to believe
this meeting I just had.
289
00:13:27,151 --> 00:13:29,015
I don't believe this
meeting I just had.
290
00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:31,155
-JAMIE: Just a second.
-Hey, dog, of mine.
291
00:13:31,155 --> 00:13:33,536
You too will not believe
this meeting I just had.
292
00:13:33,882 --> 00:13:36,505
-Good or bad?
-Good, but really weird.
293
00:13:36,505 --> 00:13:37,920
You've got to hear this.
294
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,716
Are you thirsty? I'm so thirsty.
Listen to this.
295
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,787
So, I go in there.
296
00:13:42,787 --> 00:13:44,893
I figure if it goes well,
they'll buy my film.
297
00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:46,895
I'll know my life for the next
six weeks of my life, right?
298
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:49,138
-Yeah.
-I go in and tell her about it.
299
00:13:49,138 --> 00:13:52,417
This woman is like the general
manager of the whole network.
300
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:54,730
Nice enough lady, 55, 60...
301
00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:58,320
She said she loves the film.
302
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,943
What would I think about
coming to work there full-time?
303
00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:02,082
What do you mean, "full-time"?
304
00:14:02,151 --> 00:14:04,395
Exactly. So I said, "What does
that mean 'full-time'?"
305
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:06,811
She said, "What we need is
somebody to work
306
00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:08,606
in-house, full-time."
307
00:14:08,606 --> 00:14:12,610
So I would be directing and
producing all of their films.
308
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:13,887
-Wow!
-Um-hm.
309
00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,786
Egypt makes beer?
310
00:14:18,996 --> 00:14:20,411
I don't know.
311
00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:22,792
Anyway, they want to do
ten to twelve films a month
312
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:24,311
which means they need me
to commit for like...
313
00:14:24,311 --> 00:14:25,899
at least three years.
314
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,280
-Three years?
-Three years.
315
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,006
I said, "I'm very flattered,
316
00:14:29,006 --> 00:14:30,731
but I've never done
that kind of thing.
317
00:14:30,731 --> 00:14:31,836
I work for myself.
318
00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:34,425
I do the projects I want to do.
So, I don't know."
319
00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:36,047
I forgot, I've got to pee.
320
00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:38,498
-Hey, how did your meeting go?
-It was fine.
321
00:14:38,498 --> 00:14:39,948
-Yeah?
-Wanna talk about it?
322
00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:41,018
-Not really.
-Sure?
323
00:14:41,018 --> 00:14:42,226
-Uh-huh.
-Okay.
324
00:14:42,226 --> 00:14:44,469
So, anyway, I tell her
it's not the kind of thing
325
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:45,815
I was hoping to do right now.
326
00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:48,404
She mentions state-of-the-art
editing facilities
327
00:14:48,404 --> 00:14:49,509
and bah, bah, bah...
328
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:50,924
Then she starts talking money,
329
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,202
which is no kidding around,
real money.
330
00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:56,343
Plus, they've got medical plans
and there's like a pension plan.
331
00:14:56,343 --> 00:14:58,932
A plan with a K where
they put money away for you.
332
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,692
You've gotta
explain this one to me.
333
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,903
So, I'm thinking, I don't wanna
work for anybody,
334
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,906
but then I was thinking
it's not really selling out
335
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,253
because it's what I do and--
I don't know.
336
00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:11,117
-Go do what you have to do.
-Yeah.
337
00:15:11,117 --> 00:15:13,153
Then I'm thinking...
and people were nice,
338
00:15:13,153 --> 00:15:15,811
but do I want to have all these
meetings with guys named Chuck
339
00:15:15,811 --> 00:15:17,019
and everything?
340
00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:21,437
Hey, what... what is this?
341
00:15:22,335 --> 00:15:23,923
It's an early pregnancy test.
342
00:15:24,475 --> 00:15:25,510
I see that.
343
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:27,064
Why do we have one
here all opened up?
344
00:15:27,857 --> 00:15:29,066
To see if I'm pregnant.
345
00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,447
I may be pregnant.
[CHUCKLES]
346
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,935
How come?
347
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:41,733
How come?
348
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,736
Uh... Because I may be.
Because I'm late.
349
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,911
I'm never late.
I'm like a clock.
350
00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:48,533
No, but you've been late.
351
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:50,328
-When?
-I don't know. Before--
352
00:15:50,328 --> 00:15:52,779
Last summer, remember you
made us pick out baby names?
353
00:15:52,779 --> 00:15:54,850
-I was like eight hours late.
-I know.
354
00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:57,439
So I'm saying let's not
jump to conclusions here.
355
00:15:57,439 --> 00:15:58,958
I'm now four days late.
356
00:16:00,097 --> 00:16:02,616
-So you come in early tomorrow.
-[CHUCKLES]
357
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,894
I'm not kidding,
my fertile friend,
358
00:16:04,894 --> 00:16:06,827
you may be looking
at a pregnant woman.
359
00:16:07,518 --> 00:16:08,726
When do we know here?
360
00:16:08,726 --> 00:16:10,728
Couple of minutes.
I just put up the egg timer.
361
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,286
I still say this is going
to turn out to be nothing.
362
00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:20,013
Okay, here's the thing. I don't
think I want it to be nothing.
363
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,154
Did I miss a meeting?
364
00:16:23,154 --> 00:16:26,571
We haven't been exactly
careful about this lately.
365
00:16:26,916 --> 00:16:28,504
Who? Who hasn't been careful?
366
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:31,852
Last night, I specifically said
to you I'm not using anything.
367
00:16:31,852 --> 00:16:33,233
-Last night?
-Yeah.
368
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,304
-You said that?
-Yeah.
369
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:38,031
What did I say?
370
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,964
-You didn't say anything.
-Right. So?
371
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:42,104
So I assumed you
were with me on this.
372
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:44,900
Well, whatever, but...
373
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,454
If you're four days late,
this didn't happen last night.
374
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,732
Okay. So you weren't
so careful last night.
375
00:16:49,732 --> 00:16:51,148
I wasn't careful
a couple of weeks ago.
376
00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:52,666
-Whatever.
-When?
377
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:54,944
-You know, whenever.
-What do you mean?
378
00:16:54,944 --> 00:16:56,187
I didn't always
put my diaphragm in.
379
00:16:56,187 --> 00:16:57,568
What?
380
00:16:57,568 --> 00:16:58,672
I don't hear you're saying.
381
00:16:58,672 --> 00:17:00,433
I didn't always
put my diaphragm in!
382
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,921
-On purpose?
-Accidentally on purpose.
383
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:07,750
No, no, there's no
such thing as that.
384
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,683
-It was unconscious.
-It was unconscious?
385
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:11,651
Okay. So how do you know?
386
00:17:11,651 --> 00:17:13,066
What is with your side burns?
387
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,413
Hold it a second.
You knew this?
388
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:17,450
You knew,
and you didn't tell me?
389
00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:18,796
I'm telling you now.
390
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,939
That's so...
That's, that's such a--
391
00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:25,251
-Violation.
-Violation.
392
00:17:25,251 --> 00:17:27,149
-No, it's not.
-It's not?
393
00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:29,634
That's...
That's just-- that's...
394
00:17:29,634 --> 00:17:32,396
That's just so...
I need somebody else here.
395
00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:36,365
This is so... It's just
wrong all over the place.
396
00:17:36,365 --> 00:17:38,540
You're absolutely right.
I'm the devil.
397
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:40,369
Meanwhile, I want to
make a baby with you.
398
00:17:42,302 --> 00:17:44,580
[STAMMERING]
399
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:46,927
When did you get to this?
400
00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:49,068
I'm not 20 years old anymore,
you know?
401
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,793
I can't keep telling my body no
402
00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:53,210
and then expecting it
to hop to the minute we say so.
403
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:55,281
Plus, everyone we know
is having a baby.
404
00:17:55,281 --> 00:17:58,007
-There's a really good reason.
-It's not the reason.
405
00:17:58,007 --> 00:18:00,734
-So what is the reason?
-The reason is I want to.
406
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,222
Do you know how
beautiful our baby would be?
407
00:18:05,774 --> 00:18:07,603
It would be a beautiful baby.
408
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,536
Do you know how loved
our baby would be?
409
00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:12,505
-It would be very loved.
-So?
410
00:18:12,505 --> 00:18:15,301
I'm not against having a baby,
I'm just not caught up to you.
411
00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:16,267
Relax.
412
00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:22,031
Do you not know why
what you did was so wrong?
413
00:18:22,031 --> 00:18:24,379
-I know. I know.
-When one partner doesn't know,
414
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:26,691
it's like having sex with
them when they're asleep.
415
00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:27,796
That is sick.
416
00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:31,006
-That's sick.
-All right.
417
00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:33,802
That's a bad example maybe--
Did it just bing?
418
00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:34,906
No.
419
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,288
-Do you want to be like Auggie?
-Who's Auggie?
420
00:18:37,288 --> 00:18:39,497
What's-her-name's husband.
He's like 65 years--
421
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:40,912
-He's not 65.
-Whatever he is.
422
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,604
-Do you want to wait that long?
-No, no.
423
00:18:42,604 --> 00:18:46,263
So... So, even though you
don't think you're ready,
424
00:18:46,263 --> 00:18:48,265
maybe this is somebody
else's way of saying,
425
00:18:48,265 --> 00:18:49,818
"You know what you guys?
You're ready.
426
00:18:51,647 --> 00:18:52,890
[SIGHING]
427
00:18:54,823 --> 00:18:57,584
This job... this job is
exactly the kind of job
428
00:18:57,584 --> 00:18:59,931
that a grown-up guy
with kids would have.
429
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:00,932
Well?
430
00:19:03,832 --> 00:19:05,420
So what do we do?
We get a cradle?
431
00:19:07,215 --> 00:19:08,181
Yeah.
432
00:19:09,527 --> 00:19:11,184
-Do you know what kind to get?
-Yeah.
433
00:19:13,842 --> 00:19:16,983
But it... it would change
everything between you and me.
434
00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:18,605
Everybody always says that.
435
00:19:18,605 --> 00:19:21,574
That you lose the thing between
the two of you. Who cares?
436
00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:23,265
-Who cares?
-I'm ready.
437
00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:25,164
Well, you know, I'm not.
438
00:19:25,992 --> 00:19:27,269
[TIMER DINGS]
439
00:19:46,254 --> 00:19:47,393
Are you sure this is accurate?
440
00:19:48,739 --> 00:19:49,843
It's accurate.
441
00:19:50,568 --> 00:19:52,881
-You happy?
-No.
442
00:19:55,366 --> 00:19:56,609
No?
443
00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:58,714
I was-- I thought I was
going to be relieved.
444
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:00,854
I feel like sad now.
445
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:04,064
-You're sad?
-I feel a little sad.
446
00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:06,826
-You're a little sad?
-I'm plenty sad.
447
00:20:06,826 --> 00:20:08,103
I'm so happy you're sad.
448
00:20:10,036 --> 00:20:12,211
-Thank you very much.
-You know, what I mean.
449
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,040
Should we start trying?
450
00:20:14,765 --> 00:20:17,008
-Now.
-From now on?
451
00:20:18,907 --> 00:20:20,391
-Maybe.
-Really?
452
00:20:20,391 --> 00:20:21,461
-Yeah.
-Really?
453
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,531
-Yeah.
-You sure?
454
00:20:22,531 --> 00:20:24,292
-No, I'm not sure.
-But we'll start trying?
455
00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:25,707
-Yeah.
-Really trying for it?
456
00:20:25,707 --> 00:20:27,398
What I did just say to you?
457
00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:29,297
-All right, then.
-All right.
458
00:20:29,297 --> 00:20:30,953
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
459
00:20:30,953 --> 00:20:32,058
-Excuse me.
-What?
460
00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,339
-I'm throwing this out.
-Okay.
461
00:20:37,753 --> 00:20:38,858
-I will.
-Do it.
462
00:20:38,858 --> 00:20:40,135
-Don't think I won't.
-I don't.
463
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,035
[JAMIE CHUCKLES]
464
00:20:50,318 --> 00:20:52,285
You want to know how
beautiful this baby would be?
465
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,252
Come here.
466
00:21:13,858 --> 00:21:14,859
What?
467
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:18,242
I just think I handled this
whole thing really great.
468
00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:30,944
Before the B-A-B-Y comes,
469
00:21:31,462 --> 00:21:34,603
you and I will have to have
a nice long T-A-L-K
470
00:21:34,603 --> 00:21:35,949
with the D-O-G.
471
00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:37,503
[DOG WHIMPERS]
472
00:21:40,437 --> 00:21:41,576
He knows.
473
00:21:41,576 --> 00:21:44,613
♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
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