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1
00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:07,560
Did you look in the closet?
Well, Daddy,
look in the closet.
2
00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:09,230
Again?
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,300
Because that's where
Mom's kept the towels
for the past 40 years.
4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,960
He shoots. Yes.
5
00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:17,160
How do you know
I didn't make it?
6
00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,700
Okay. You got it?
7
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,660
Yes, I am that's why
you sent me to college.
8
00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,100
Okay, Daddy, good night.
9
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,730
God, he's so helpless.
10
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,200
Where did your mother
go anyway?
11
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,460
She's spending the weekend
with Uncle Phil.
12
00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:31,900
For what?
His wife's in Albany,
so he's all alone.
13
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,700
What's in Albany.
Her brother.
14
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,730
Where's his wife?
In diet camp till Monday.
15
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,160
So basically,
because of one fat woman
upstate New York,
16
00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:41,330
17 families go
out of wack?
17
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,000
That's about it.
18
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,430
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
19
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,330
Yeah, I wonder
who that is?
20
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,660
Hi, Daddy.
21
00:00:49,730 --> 00:00:52,830
No, no, you like French's
mustard not French mustard.
22
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,700
Ow!
No.
23
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,860
The Poupon is French,
and the French's is
actually American.
24
00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:00,630
I said "Ow".
What?
25
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,400
Okay. Tell me you don't
feel this spring.
26
00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:07,330
Sourdough.
This is a huge spring.
This whole bed is just shot.
27
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,930
Actually, why don't I hold on
while you toast it?
28
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,600
We're not getting
a new bed.
29
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:13,600
Seriously, we've had this bed
since we moved in together.
30
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,860
No.
Why?
31
00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:17,230
Because we've had it
since we moved in together.
32
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:20,430
You know, on 60 Minutes,
I saw a thing. A Malaysian
child was sleeping
33
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,430
on a mattress
just like this.
34
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,830
Mike Wallace cried.
Little tears,
little tears coming out.
35
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:29,730
Fine. I will think about it.
No. No. That's good. The toast
is supposed to be brown.
36
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,860
Go get a tomato.
37
00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:34,130
You know, why don't you just
invite your father down
for the weekend?
38
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,760
I already did. He doesn't
like to leave the house.
Maybe we should go there.
39
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:40,660
Then I'd have
to leave the house.
40
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:43,830
Oh, God, no, no, no.
Then forget the tomato.
Go get the mayonnaise.
41
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,730
Well, maybe you should go.
What?
And leave you home alone?
42
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,760
What am I,
Macaulay Culkin?
43
00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,730
All right.
Try counterclockwise.
44
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,100
Just...
45
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:59,060
Just go
before he hurts himself.
46
00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:02,000
Daddy, maybe I should just
come and stay with you
till Mom gets back.
47
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,230
You sure you'll be fine?
I'll be fine.
48
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,300
Are you sure?
I'll be thrilled.
49
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:09,560
You'll be thrilled?
All righty.
50
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,700
So, um...
So I'll be there tomorrow.
51
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,300
First train in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
52
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,030
Not--Not thrilled,
happy-thrilled,
thrilled when you get back
53
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:23,260
because I will have missed you
the whole weekend,
so great is my love for you.
54
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,460
Okay. The shower's dripping,
so you have to call Mr. Wicker
before it explodes again.
55
00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:34,700
I understand.
56
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,760
And don't forget,
you need to light the oven.
57
00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:39,830
If you need extra light bulbs,
they're in the thing. If the
refrigerator starts humming...
58
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,960
Then I'll harmonize
with it.
59
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:43,760
Are you gonna be okay?
I'll be fine.
60
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,730
What are you gonna do?
I'll do-- I'll do whatever.
I'll c-call the guys.
61
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,160
What guys?
The guys.
62
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:49,500
You don't have any guys.
63
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,900
I've got guys.
I've got plenty of guys.
64
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,800
Okay. If you decide
to do laundry...
65
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:56,130
I'm not gonna do laundry.
Yeah, but if you do...
66
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,100
I'm not gonna do laundry.
67
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,330
...don't do it between 4:00
and 6:00, or you'll run into
the Kopecks and their kids
68
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,430
and just trust me.
Yeah. Understand how much
I'm not gonna do laundry.
69
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,760
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
All right.
70
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:07,900
MR. WICKER: Cab's here.
She's coming.
71
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,160
Come on, sweetie,
you're upsetting the cabbie.
72
00:03:10,230 --> 00:03:11,660
You know, you're allergic
to coconut.
73
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,430
So, no luaus.
74
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,760
Are you gonna
miss me at all?
Yes, only if you leave.
75
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:20,000
Bye.
Bye. Have fun.
76
00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:26,500
Well, now, it's all mine!
77
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,060
It's all mine.
78
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,500
That's mine.
79
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,030
It's all mine.
80
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,060
That was always mine,
now it's even more mine.
81
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,330
Anything in here?
All mine.
82
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,260
Milk. Perfect example
of things that are mine.
83
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,400
Mmm.
84
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,660
Ah.
85
00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:51,860
See that?
Virtually empty,
yet I put it right back.
86
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,000
Whatever you want.
Mallomars.
87
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:58,760
By the way, I don't know if
I mentioned, Mallomars,
also mine.
88
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,830
You can have one, too.
89
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:04,960
You see that? I don't even
close it. That's how giddy
I am with power.
90
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:10,030
Come dog of mine.
Come with me.
Let's watch my Baywatch.
91
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:17,900
You can sit.
Sit, lick, whatever you want.
92
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,800
All right. Here we go.
There's a 3:20, 5:30,
there's 7:45...
93
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,300
Paulie, I can't go
to the movies.
94
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,960
Why not?
I've got a date.
95
00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:30,030
What?
Yeah, we do that out here.
96
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:33,500
But I'm free.
97
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:35,630
Imagine my dilemma.
98
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:36,900
(SCOFFS)
99
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,600
All right. Fine.
You know what?
I'll call the guys.
100
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:43,930
What guys?
I've got guys.
101
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,060
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I understand.
It's softwood walking.
102
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:49,630
I'm gonna go bowling.
103
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,260
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm.
104
00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:53,860
You want to borrow
some of my guys?
Why would I want your guys?
105
00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:56,130
Because you don't do
alone so good.
106
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,800
Hey, excuse me.
I lived alone for 30 years.
107
00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:02,760
Paulie, you lived with your
parents until you were 18.
In college you had roommates.
108
00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:05,300
We lived together
until I threw you out,
and then Jamie.
109
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,960
Basically, you've been alone
about five minutes
your whole life.
110
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:10,860
You didn't throw me out.
Hey, I don't want to have
that discussion again. What?
111
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:13,400
You want me to call Susannah
and cancel my date?
112
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,100
Nah.
Because I would.
113
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,530
You would?
Yeah, I would.
114
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,800
All right.
115
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,900
(LAUGHING) I'm not
gonna cancel my date.
116
00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,130
(MURRAY BARKING)
117
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,700
Hey, dog of mine.
Pepperoni.
118
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,230
Do not tell your mother.
119
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,930
Oh, is the shower
exploding again?
I forgot to call Wicker.
120
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,300
That's what I need
this weekend, a flood.
121
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:43,900
(FRAN SCREAMING)
122
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,900
(PAUL EXCLAIMING)
123
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,430
Hi.
Hey, Fran. Hi.
When did you get here?
124
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,530
(SIGHS) Sorry I screamed.
You startled me.
125
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,130
Oh, were those yours?
What?
126
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,260
(STAMMERING) No, 'cause
I didn't see a thing.
Okay.
127
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:08,300
I swear.
Fine.
128
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,930
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Okay.
Please do that.
129
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,730
(PHONE RINGING)
130
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,030
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
131
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,800
Hi, sweetie.
How was your trip?
132
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:26,200
It was okay.
The train was a little late.
All right, good. Listen.
133
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,500
Um. hypothetical situation.
134
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,830
Fran is naked in our house.
Why would that be?
135
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:40,934
She must have gone
to the gym.
136
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,767
So?
The shower there
is all nasty.
137
00:06:42,834 --> 00:06:45,100
The gym's right around
the corner, so she comes over
to us.
138
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,400
Like, all the time?
Yeah, you know.
139
00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:50,100
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point.
What happened?
140
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,400
Are you okay?
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point.
What happened?
141
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:51,460
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point.
What happened?
142
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:51,501
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point.
What happened?
143
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:51,567
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
144
00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:53,367
I didn't see a thing.
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
145
00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:53,760
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
146
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,230
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
All right. Bye-bye.
147
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,160
Why didn't you say something?
148
00:06:58,230 --> 00:06:59,160
(WHIMPERS)
149
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,360
Snappy Garments.
And a lovely jacket yourself.
150
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,030
I'm here to pick up
your dry cleaning.
151
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:12,900
No. What? Buchman?
Yeah.
152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,700
11 D?
Yeah.
153
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,700
One second.
154
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,900
Bye.
Bye.
155
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:21,730
Bye.
156
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,960
(PHONE RINGING)
157
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,560
Hello.
PAUL: Hi, it's me.
158
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:29,960
Um, there's a guy here,wants our clothing.
159
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,700
Do we do that,
or are we being robbed?
160
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,600
We do that.
161
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,560
Since when?
It's free.
162
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,430
What else goes on
around here?
163
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,930
It's the blue bag
in the closet.
164
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,560
I'm quite aware
of the blue bag.
165
00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,430
You sure you're
gonna be okay?
I'll be fine.
166
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:44,900
Everything is under control.
Bye-bye.
167
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,660
Bye.
168
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:49,930
Sorry about that. It's just...
My wife is away,
so you know how that is.
169
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,200
I've got to do
everything myself.
170
00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:56,430
Are these dry clean
or laundry?
What's that?
171
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,100
Dry clean or laundry?
172
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,730
Hey, you know what?
I've got no guys.
173
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,400
Not a guy to be found here.
174
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:07,800
Hi, it's me.
Dry clean.
Not a guy to be found here.
175
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,500
Hi, it's me.
Dry clean.
176
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,500
Thank you.
177
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,300
Zucker? Nah.
178
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:19,130
That's all right. That's all
right. You know what?
It's good to be alone.
179
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,560
It's good for the soul.
180
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,260
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
181
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:30,530
Thank God.
I'm coming. Don't go away.
Don't go away.
182
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,760
Right here. Please don't go.
183
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:34,960
Lisa. Hi. Hi.
184
00:08:38,530 --> 00:08:40,330
Hi, how are you?
185
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,660
Uh, I was just
in the neighborhood
186
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,500
and thought I'd bring you
some lunch.
187
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,600
Did Jamie say to do that?
No.
188
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:47,030
Did she tell you to say no?
Yes.
189
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,400
I'm borrowing a dress.
190
00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:53,260
Anything.
Whatever you want.
Whatever you want. Sure.
191
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:54,500
You got a big date tonight?
192
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,030
Oh, just Troy, you know.
193
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,360
Going out with Troy.
Mmm-hmm.
194
00:08:57,430 --> 00:09:00,060
Which one is Troy?
Harriette's acupuncturist.
195
00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:02,500
He's an acupuncturist.
So he works with needles?
196
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,000
I would think
that's fascinating work.
197
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:06,500
What is wrong with you?
198
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,660
Nothing is wrong with me.
I was just thinking. You and I
never get to really talk.
199
00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:11,860
Oh, we talk.
No, not really.
200
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:14,830
Well, Jamie and I talk,
you sit there
and roll your eyes.
201
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,860
I don't roll my eyes at you.
Yeah, right.
202
00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:19,000
Never.
Where--where did you
get that?
203
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,700
Oh, come on. You couldn't
talk to me two minutes
and not roll your eyes.
204
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,000
Oh, that's so not true.
Oh, yeah?
205
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,960
Yeah.
Okay.
206
00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:29,260
I'm thinking of
buying a ferret.
207
00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:36,830
Good for you.
208
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:37,930
Mmm-hmm.
209
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,500
I know where I can get one
for $600.
210
00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:46,860
Sounds pricey
for a weasel, but...
211
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:50,500
Well, you know how good I am
at budgeting my money.
Nobody better.
212
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,330
I figured I name him Biff
213
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,730
after this old boyfriend
of mine who used to be
a doorman at FAO Schwarz,
214
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,500
only he got
fired for stealing Legos
215
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,300
and had to move back home
to Jersey,
216
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,600
which was kind of a drag
because we had bought
this '63 Valiant together,
217
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:03,530
and whenever I felt like
driving uptown, I had to go
to Newark first.
218
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,800
But, actually, it worked out
pretty well because the bus
I had to take had this driver
219
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:10,560
named Delana, and she let me
honk the horn once in a while,
220
00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:13,230
and eventually she
introduced me to her brother
who breeds ferrets,
221
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:17,000
and he said I could have pick
of the litter for $600
and a pair of my panties,
222
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,830
which you can't deny
is a pretty good deal.
223
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,930
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Sounds great.
Excuse me for a second.
224
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,560
Hi.
Buchman?
225
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,660
Yes.
Sign here.
226
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:42,530
What, a Meat
of the Month Club?
That's right.
227
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:48,760
I don't think so.
Ah, just--just one second.
228
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:53,860
My wife is out of town,
so it's all been... Just...
229
00:10:53,930 --> 00:10:56,360
(PHONE RINGING)
230
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:57,430
JAMIE: Hello.
Hi, it's me.
231
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,860
Well, blow me down.
232
00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:01,730
There's a guy here
with a box of meat.
233
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,800
So?
So?
234
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:04,030
So?
I'm saying to you.
235
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,030
What?
236
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,900
Since when do we eat
meat in a box?
237
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,600
Three years.
238
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:12,160
Really? And I enjoy it?
Yeah. You love it.
239
00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:14,030
Well, who knew?
240
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:15,430
Is that Jamie?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
241
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,160
I didn't borrow
her new dress.
242
00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:19,430
Hey, come on, get back here.
Honey, are you sureyou're okay?
243
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,560
Huh? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just, uh,
244
00:11:22,630 --> 00:11:25,430
a lot of surprises
for one day.
Do you want me to come home?
245
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,430
No, no, no. Hey,
everything is under control.
246
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,960
All righty.
I'll talk to you
in five minutes.
247
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,800
That's very funny.
Yeah, who's next?
248
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,800
Who is that?
Nobody. Nobody.
I have things under control.
249
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:40,200
I'll be on
the 4:00 train. Bye-bye.
All right. Love you, babe.
250
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:42,160
Little Sisters of Mercy.
You bet.
251
00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:44,160
We're from the thrift store.
252
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,330
I know.
You picking up
or you dropping off?
253
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,830
We're here
to pick up the bed.
254
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,560
The bed? I understand.
Of course. Why?
255
00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:52,400
Your wife donated it.
256
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:53,730
She did?
257
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,230
That's what it says.
258
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,330
Uh, all right.
Yeah, okay.
259
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,130
Uh, of course,
it's right through there.
260
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,330
Right there
in the bedroom.
261
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,700
'Cause we...
We've been having
a little problem with the bed,
262
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,730
so we've been talking
about getting a new one.
263
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:11,100
Uh, so, I guess
why my wife called you
and just said, uh...
264
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,730
The whole bed?
265
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,700
That's what it says.
266
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,130
Uh, uh, just--just one second,
would ya? 'Cause I don't...
267
00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:21,930
Take the bed out of here.
268
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:32,860
When is your wife coming back?
Why do you ask?
269
00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:35,730
Hey, Conways.
You need a taxi, right?
If you would.
270
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,100
Hey, hey, look at you two.
You're looking pretty sporty.
271
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,930
You've got a big day?
Brunch and the opera
with my publisher.
272
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,230
Oh, my wife and I used go
to brunch all the time.
273
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,900
Oh, have you two split up?
274
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,160
No, no. She just...
Is she dead?
275
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:56,130
No, she's not dead.
She's out of the town.
BOTH: Oh.
276
00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,930
MR. WICKER: Cab's ready.
277
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,960
Oh, Mr. Wicker, you didn't
happen to see any delivery men
yesterday, did you?
278
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:05,730
For you?
Yes. We donated
some furniture to charity,
279
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:06,900
but they never showed up.
280
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,760
Gee, I was only on
in the morning.
281
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,730
Never mind.
We'll call them tomorrow.
Come on, darling.
282
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,100
If you're done with
this book review
I'm gonna...
283
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,230
What did they say
about picking up furniture?
284
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:18,860
(IRA LAUGHING)
285
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,460
Laughter is not constructive.
No, no,
let me get this straight.
286
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:27,400
Two guys come down
your hall with a clipboard
287
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:30,830
and you think,
"Let me give you my bed."
288
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,500
Yes.
How do you do that?
289
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:38,030
Because I am the dumbest man
in the country.
290
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,460
And yet,
and yet, maybe I'm not.
291
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:42,260
Maybe Jamie was
in a charitable mood.
292
00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:44,560
So why don't you give her
a call and ask her?
293
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:47,030
I can't. I can't call her
because then she'll know...
294
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,800
How stupid you are?
Yes.
295
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,160
She's gonna
be home tonight.
296
00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:53,500
Maybe she won't notice.
297
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:57,860
I don't know, Paulie,
she's pretty sharp.
298
00:13:57,930 --> 00:14:00,930
All right.
It really does open up
the room, though, doesn't it?
299
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:01,930
Shut up.
300
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,300
(PHONE RINGING)
301
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:08,230
Hello.
Hey, top ofthe morning to you.
302
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,760
What's wrong?
303
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:13,230
Nothing is wrong.
I just wanted see
how you are doing.
304
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,830
Well, that's sweet.
I'm good. I miss you.
305
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,330
Okay. Listen. Um...
306
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,160
I was just wondering,
did you give
any more thought
307
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,800
to the buying a new bed thing
we discussed?
308
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,360
No. I haven't.
Okay. Bye.
309
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:31,760
So of all the men
in America...
310
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,760
I am the most stupid.
311
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,430
Okay. How do I fix this?
312
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,030
What's the name
of the charity?
313
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,530
The name of the charity.
Oh, they said...
314
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,960
The guy said it.
He said it.
He's standing there.
315
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:43,030
Big guy, big guy. He said,
"Hi, we're here from..."
316
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,930
"We're here from..."
Something, something.
I didn't listen.
317
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,760
What about the Brits?
318
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:49,500
They weren't even here?
Yeah, but they would
know the name.
319
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,030
The Brits would know
the name, yes,
320
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,460
because they're the ones
who called 'em.
321
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,630
This is what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah, all right. Good.
322
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:57,560
Hey, you know,
this could happen to anybody.
It really couldn't.
323
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:01,500
(OPERA SINGER SINGING)
324
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,830
Conway. There you are.
325
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:09,030
The charity donation thing,
it wasn't a bed by any chance,
was it?
326
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,300
MAN: What's going on?
We don't know them.
327
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,630
Because they picked up
our bed.
328
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,700
We've never seen
them before in our lives.
329
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,030
Hey, good seats.
330
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,160
(PEOPLE SHUSHING)
Would you please go away?
331
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:20,330
Sorry, sorry.
Um, was it-- was it Unicef?
332
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,930
Was it... Do you remember?
Was it Unicef? Just nod.
333
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:27,700
Nod if it was Unicef.
It wasn't Unicef.
Uh, Goodwill?
334
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,930
Salvation Army?
A.S.P.C.A?
The Kidney Foundation?
335
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,530
(SINGING STOPS)
It was the Little Sisters
of Mercy! All right?
336
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,830
The Little Sisters of Mercy!
337
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,500
Yes, thank you.
Come on.
338
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,260
I'm looking for a bed...
Well, we have
a wide selection.
339
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:49,330
Please, do go on.
I'm looking for a bed...
Well, we have
a wide selection.
340
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:49,400
Please, do go on.
341
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,300
...a very specific bed.
Please, do go on.
342
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:50,360
...a very specific bed.
343
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:50,760
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
...a very specific bed.
344
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:50,830
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
345
00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:52,700
Wood with the little
iron stuff.
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
346
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:52,760
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
347
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:53,300
As a matter of fact, one like
that arrived just yesterday.
That's my bed.
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
348
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,600
As a matter of fact, one like
that arrived just yesterday.
That's my bed.
349
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:58,530
I wish all my customers
were as easy as you.
350
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,530
No, no, no. I mean,
It is-- It is my bed.
I gave it to you.
351
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,700
And God bless.
It was a mistake.
352
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,760
Oh, giving is never
a mistake.
353
00:16:06,830 --> 00:16:09,500
Well, sometimes it is.
354
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,100
Uh. it actually is my bed.
I understand.
355
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,800
So could I
just get it back?
Of course.
356
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:16,760
Thank you.
I believe we priced it
at $400.
357
00:16:16,830 --> 00:16:19,760
Hey, Sister, how much for
the one with Nick and Doris?
It's for me.
358
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:22,830
No, but... Excuse me.
It's my bed.
Not anymore.
359
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,930
No, you have a whole
other bed. It's coming
from British people.
360
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,230
When?
When? Whenever.
361
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,960
Well, I can't live on faith.
362
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,330
So now they want to charge me
$400, and my wife is coming
back in a few hours.
363
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:38,100
So, if I just bring them
your bed, then everybody
is happy, right?
364
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,730
I'd say you've gotten yourself
a bit over a barrel,
haven't you?
365
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,900
(MIMICKING BRITISH ACCENT)
Hasn't he?
366
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,800
Yes, a little bit.
But now...
367
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,960
Darling, I've been thinking.
Perhaps, we've been
a little bit rash.
368
00:16:53,030 --> 00:16:54,060
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
About what?
369
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,830
Well, our bed has been
so good to us.
370
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,700
It seems almost rude
to part with it.
371
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,430
Paul.
Yeah, one sec.
372
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,360
Okay, but you just said
you already bought a new one.
373
00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:02,560
I don't know.
374
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,960
Paul.
One sec.
375
00:17:04,030 --> 00:17:06,260
So, just--just
give me your bed.
376
00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:07,600
All right.
377
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,460
Thank you.
378
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:10,660
For $300.
379
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,430
What?
380
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,930
Rather a bargain, I'd say.
381
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,500
Do you think we're
under selling ourselves?
382
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,530
No, no, no, okay. Fine.
383
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:18,930
Paul.
What?
384
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,630
Tell me if you notice
anything.
385
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,760
FRAN: If that bed
scratches my roof,
I'll kill you.
386
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:31,260
All right. So now
we're square, everything
is even. Hey, excuse me.
387
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:33,000
Hey, we were just
about to buy this.
388
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:34,600
Sorry.
For how much?
389
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:35,730
It says $400.
390
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,000
Uh, wait. That's...
It's my bed.
391
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:38,460
$410.
What are you doing?
392
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:39,630
Well, you want it
or not?
393
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,630
I just bought
a bed for you.
394
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,630
And God bless.
$420.
395
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:44,930
$430.
396
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,160
What? Wait a second.
Wait a second.
397
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:47,660
You don't--
You don't need this bed, okay?
398
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:48,930
There's plenty of other beds.
399
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,330
Look at this nice
Nick and Doris.
400
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,660
Hey, this would look cute
on you.
401
00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:54,530
Oh, it would.
Can I try it on?
402
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,630
Right in there.
Now where were we?
403
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:57,760
IRA: 450.
60.
404
00:17:57,830 --> 00:17:59,060
Hey, what are you doing?
$500.
405
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:00,160
Stop it, okay?
406
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:01,800
It's okay.
407
00:18:01,860 --> 00:18:03,530
It's too rich for me.
408
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,400
See?
Sold for $500.
409
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:08,760
Fine, fine, fine.
All right.
410
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,860
Now, can I show you something
in an end table?
411
00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:12,100
No.
412
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,930
Uh, j-just get the car.
Get the keys.
413
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,360
(FRAN SCREAMING)
Fran, where's...
414
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,430
I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything.
415
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,330
How did you get this thing
together in the first place?
416
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,360
That was when I had guys.
417
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,700
Great. I've got 14 things
and 3 holes. What do I do?
418
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,100
Join the circus.
419
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,700
Is this it?
No.
420
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,300
JAMIE: Hello.
421
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,930
Oh, this is no good.
422
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,200
Now what?
423
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,760
Uh, all right.
424
00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:48,960
How fast can you do this?
We can't.
425
00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:50,900
All right, but hurry.
JAMIE: Hello.
426
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,530
Hey. Look who's home.
Hey.
427
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,200
Hi, what happened?
Aunt Rochelle got back early,
428
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:03,430
so Mom got back early,
so I took the 3:00 train.
429
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:06,700
It's like a whole little
Darwinian thing there.
430
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:07,930
IRA: Ow!
431
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,660
What was that?
How was your father? Good?
432
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,130
Please.
The man fought two wars,
433
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,800
he can't cut a melon.
I'm so exhausted.
434
00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:18,200
Oh, you know what?
You're exhausted.
435
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:19,660
(STUTTERING) Let's go out.
What?
436
00:19:19,730 --> 00:19:21,360
We'll take a walk, you know.
It'll pep you right up.
437
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:23,160
Now, honey,
I just want to go to bed.
438
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,400
Well, okay, all right.
But first, I wanna
show you something.
439
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:26,560
What?
Just come here. Come here.
440
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:27,700
Come here, come here.
Honey.
441
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,460
I wanted you to see this.
This is good.
442
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,160
What?
Guess.
443
00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:40,600
I'm-- I'm really too tired
to guess.
444
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:43,800
Oh, come on, come on.
Guess, guess, guess, guess.
445
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:45,860
Uh, you cleaned something?
No.
446
00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:47,330
You cooked something?
Uh, no.
447
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,660
You ate something?
No.
448
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,030
All right. I give up.
Oh, come on, come on.
449
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:52,000
Look. Look--Look around.
450
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,230
Cold.
451
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:01,630
(CHUCKLES)
Warm.
452
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,860
Warmer.
453
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:04,900
Cold.
454
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,130
Warm.
455
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,400
Warmer.
456
00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:13,730
Hot.
457
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:14,830
Cold.
458
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:19,160
How can I be hot and cold
at the same time?
459
00:20:19,230 --> 00:20:21,200
Malaria.
460
00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:22,760
No, wait. All right,
all right, all right.
461
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,230
You wanna dance?
No.
462
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,430
You wanna play cards?
No.
463
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,860
Wanna learn VCR Plus?
No.
464
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:28,500
If you had told me
about the dry cleaning,
465
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,900
or the meat,
or at least one of 'em,
466
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,430
I would know
what goes on around here.
467
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,760
So, basically,
this is all your...
468
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:38,030
That was quick.
What?
469
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,900
Little shooting pain
I just had.
It's all right.
470
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,330
Are you okay?
471
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:45,230
Um... Yeah.
472
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,730
You know what, though?
I just missed you.
473
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,230
I really... I missed you.
I love when you...
474
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:51,900
Nothing seems to work
when you're not here.
475
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,530
Oh.
Really.
476
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,660
Well, now you're home
and everything is good.
477
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,030
Welcome home.
478
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,600
Honey, maybe
we should get a new bed.
479
00:21:08,660 --> 00:21:10,800
This is all I'm saying.
480
00:21:33,830 --> 00:21:35,330
(DOOR CREAKING)
481
00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:43,460
(TRUNK CREAKING)
34826
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