All language subtitles for en0405

♪ [TWIST MUSIC PLAYS]

-I have a question.
-Isn't that the greatest song?

I am going through
the check book...

It's impossible
to not twist to this song.

On the 18th, you wrote
a check to A&G Plumbing?

-How can you not be twisting?
-Listen to me.

-Come on. Twist with me.
-I don't want to.

Come on.
Twist with me, you big baby.

Do you happen to remember
the amount?

Twist with me and I'll tell you.

I'm not telling you
till you twist.

Now, what did you want to know?

-On the 18th...
-Yes.

-You wrote a check...
-To A&G Plumbing.

Do you remember
the amount?

-Forty-seven fifty.
-Thank you very much.

Was it that hard?

♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

If you get this job,
are you going to take it?

Why wouldn't I?

Just seems like working
for the mayor

would be so much pressure.

-It is.
-It's hard.

-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing.

So, today you meet
with the mayor?

I meet with the director
of public relations.

That's that guy Lance...

Lance Brockwell.

Why does that sound familiar?

I told you about this yesterday.

No, I know that name
from somewhere.

From where?

Well, I narrowed it down.
Either camp or high school...

or college or maybe work,

or I might have met him
at some party somewhere.

Sure you're not thinking
of Lenny Baron?

-Who's Lenny Baron?
-Lenny Baron.

Lenny.

Baron.

No! How could I confuse him
with Lance Brockwell?

Lenny is short.
He's built like a vault.

What about the Lance
you're talking about?

-He's like 6'4", 6'5".
-You do know him.

I know his height.

Wish me luck.

I wish you whatever is best.

What does that mean?

Well, if this job is meant
to be, then I wish it on you.

If it's not, then I don't.

Are you wishing me
luck or not?

I will say to you there's
nothing you can say or do

that would make
Lance Brockwell not hire you.

Thank you.

Ask if he knows
who I think he is.

Yes. I'll do that right away.

All right.
Show me where I'm signing.

-Here, here, and here.
-All right.

Then I absolutely got
to get back to work.

I appreciate you coming down.
You got all three?

I got 'em.
Boom, boom, boom.

Okay. Pretty exciting being
a silent partner, huh?

Shh. I can't tell you.

This doesn't mean you're
actually buying the thing?

No, this is so I can
bid on the place.

Paul,
wait till you see this store.

Twenty-four thousand square feet

smack-dab
in the middle of a mall.

Remember Moretti's?

-On Long Island?
-Yeah.

-No.
-Moretti's.

-I don't know it.
-In Seaford.

-On Long Island?
-Yeah.

Take the Grand Central Parkway
to Northern State to Wantagh,

to where it crosses Hempstead.
On Long Island.

-I understand Long Island.
-Moretti's.

I'm saying
I'm not familiar with Moretti's.

Okay. Trust me. It's a perfect
location for a new store.

Tons of pedestrian traffic.

I don't know why
you need another store.

It's time. Your father made his
mark here in the city.

I'm taking us out to the island.
Make my mark.

Well, good for you.

-No, no, no, good for us.
-Good for America.

Thanks again for coming down.

-You bet. Keep me posted.
-All right. Say hi to James.

-I will.
-Hey, you would know.

Lance Brockwell, who's that?

-Lance Brockwell?
-Yeah.

He played for San Diego
in the sixties.

Remember that whole thing
with the young girl?

Brockwell.
This is somebody we know.

Jamie's got an interview
with this guy.

Brockwell.
We know him from somewhere.

-Lance Brockwell?
-Lance Brockwell.

Oh! I know who he is.

We bought a stereo from him
when you were living with me.

-Aaron?
-Yeah.

-Bender?
-Yeah.

Aaron bender
is Lance Brockwell?

Oh. Then I don't know.

That's all you had to say.

Okay, what do you got?

Wife and two kids.
What have you got?

Harvard cum laude, eh?

Met fan...

and his wife does not go with
him when he picks out his shoes.

I have on the most uncomfortable
bra in the entire world.

Tell me about it. My stockings
are two inches too short.

I feel like a marionette.

-What are you doing?
-What do you think?

-What if he walks in?
-He's not gonna walk--

Hey, listen, tell Teddy I'll
meet him in ten minutes, okay?

Then call
Cardinal O'Connor, please,

and see if he can do
Hung Fat's at 7:30.

Call Hung Fat's, tell them
we don't want to sit outside

under a string of
dead chickens.

Man is a cardinal
for God's sake.

-Where's the bra?
-I don't know.

Ladies, hi.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

-I'm Lance Brockwell.
-Jamie Buchman.

-Fran Devenow.
-Hi. Happy to meet you.

I'm thrilled with your idea
to do a book

on public rest rooms
in New York. What a title, huh?

-Going public.
-[JAMIE CHUCKLES]

-It's brilliant.
-BOTH: Thanks.

I'm going to the opera next
week. Can't wait to pee there.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh. Well, you won't
be disappointed.

The New York Timesneeds a quote
on the Lincoln Tunnel tolls.

Tell them 4 bucks is a small
price to pay to leave Jersey.

Is it always this busy?

Let me put it this way...
I'm really 13 years old.

[CHUCKLING]

Sorry, Teddy has to
go at ten after.

I'll call him in his car.

-He's taking the subway.
-What, is he crazy?

Tell him to call me
if he makes it home.

-Are you cold?
-A little bit.

Here, sit down.

[BEEPING]

Yeah, go ahead.

MAN: The mayor's nephew
just got picked up

for driving without a license.

He's nine.

What do you want to do?

-Get him on Letterman.
-I love it.

You guys have gotten the mayor
some terrific publicity,

and we all know he needs it.

-I don't know if he needs it.
-He needs it.

This is why we're thinking of
asking you on full-time.

We've got a campaign coming up,

we need all the good
publicity we can get.

You're talking press releases,
speeches?

Appearances, special events.

Anything you can think of
to improve his image.

You might wanna consider--

The haircut? Forget it.
There's just no talking to him.

So, interested?

Yes. We're interested.
We'd like to think about it.

We would?
And now we have.

Well, Buchman and Devenow,
welcome to City Hall.

Thank you.

Uh, a pleasure to be here.

Help me out. Buchman,
how do I know this name?

Maybe you know my husband,
Paul Buchman.

Paul Buchman.

Paul Buchman, the astronaut?

[CHUCKLES] Really not.

LISA: Ugly. Ugly!

Oh, this is nice, but that
doesn't fit you anymore.

All right. Take it.

Thank you.
I'll make napkins out of that.

This guy swears to me
he was on the Titanic,

and I'm telling you,
it just sounds fishy.

-This?
-I still wear that. put it back.

Why is it fishy?

I dunno.
He seems so happy about it.

You're working in
the mayor's office.

-You're not going to wear this.
-I wear it plenty. Leave it.

How about my wife.
Pretty impressive, huh?

Yeah. "Hi, I work
in the mayor's office,

and I'm a trashy sweater."

-All right. Take it.
-Thank you!

I forgot to tell you,
he thinks he knows you too.

-Who's that?
-Lance Brockwell.

I told you!

-Does he know from where?
-No.

I think he might be that guy who
gave Murray that Parvo shot?

-Was he ever a veterinarian?
-I doubt it.

-I know him from somewhere.
-Where?

What'd he used to do?

He was a lawyer,
worked for the city.

Why can't I wear this
with that skirt?

Yeah, right.

-What'd he do for the city?
-Worked in licenses and permits.

-That's it!
-What?

-Do you know who he is?
-Who?

He's Lance Brockwell.

-No!
-Yes!

He's the weasel that
wouldn't give me the permit

to film the coyotes
at Morningside Park.

-That was him?
-Yes! Oh!

I like coyotes.

They're like really
wild dogs, only sweet.

Coyotes aren't sweet.
They eat garbage.

They don't know it's garbage.

What a weasel this man was.

He's not a bad guy.

Oh, he was so nasty!

You don't want to work
for him.

Yes, I do. I love it there.

It's insane. Absolutely insane.

-You love that?
-And I love that.

Please, trust me.
Lance Brockwell, he's a bad man.

Ooh! Is he single?

Once he learns we're married,
you'll be out tout de suite.

-Because of you...
-Yes.

-...and this coyote movie?
-Better believe it.

Good thing you're not
the least bit self-absorbed.

He won't remember you.
And if he does, it'll be fine.

I wrote this guy a nasty,
vicious letter.

He got in trouble,
he was reprimanded.

He wrote me back a letter.
It got ugly.

I got pretty rough with the guy.

I'm sure now he's
an emotional cripple.

Is he single?

-MAN: You see that window?
-PAUL: Yes.

-That was my room.
-How do you know?

I distinctly remember
leaving the light on.

I did.

All right. I'm sure you did.

I remember it
as if it was yesterday.

After dinner, I went
out onto the deck to play.

Remember,
I was only six years old.

Right.

I glanced over the
starboard rail, then I saw it.

-The iceberg.
-Yes!

An enormous hill of ice...
coming right at me.

I cried out,
but nobody listened.

Then all of a sudden,
zim, boom, crash!

And before I knew it,

I was somewhere
in Nova Scotia...

eating kippers and chocolates.

It's... it's a great story.

And every word of it is true.

I don't doubt it. I'm curious.

Maybe you can explain.
Why is it your family's name

is not listed
on the ship's manifest?

The manifest is wrong!

These people couldn't even
turn left at an iceberg.

How do you expect them
to keep a manifest?

Well, you make a strong
argument there.

[DOOR OPENS]

-Hey, Paulie.
-Hey.

-Sorry. You busy?
-Just earning a living.

What's up?

-Guess what.
-Tell me.

We did not get the store.

-Somebody outbid us.
-Who?

Ah... Towel City.
Like people are really that wet.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

It wasn't a total loss.
I got you guys some towels.

You can't believe
the selection they got.

That's nice of you. Thanks.

-Meanwhile, you guess what.
-Tell me.

-Lance Brockwell...
-Yeah.

...the guy we couldn't remember.

He's the guy from the city
that ruined my coyote movie.

-What, the weasel?
-Yeah.

-Jamie's working with him?
-Look! There it is!

-What?
-The iceberg!

Oh, you're the Titanic guy.

Look how you pieced
that together.

So you were actually
on the Titanic.

What was it like?

I remember it
as if it was yesterday.

We were dining on the Lido Deck.

We were eating kippers
and chocolate.

-So, this is on the boat now?
-Yes.

How old were you?

-I was six years old.
-Wait a minute--

I was 12 years old.

I made a cry,
but nobody was listening.

-You told me you were six.
-I was six years old.

And all of a sudden,
zim, boom, crash!

-And before you knew it--
-Nova Scotia.

Nova Scotia...

where they fed us...

on kippers... and chocolate.

Let me just say it, clear
the air, and I hope I'm wrong.

You're making this up,
aren't you?

No, I am not!

Who cares? It's riveting.

-It's a documentary.
-It's a movie.

Documents.
It helps if some of it's true.

Well, my friend,
I for one believe you.

I think
yours is a fascinating story.

Well, thank you.

Would you like a soda?

Yes, that would be lovely.

Here's my problem.

If you don't believe me,

Why don't you go down and check
at the bureau of archives.

-Where is that?
-City Hall.

-City Hall?
-Yes.

Ice?

Where?

WOMAN: There's a Paul Buchman
outside,

who'd like a moment.

Oh, send him in.

Let me guess.

-Lance Brockwell.
-Paul Buchman.

-That's right.
-Jamie's husband.

That's right.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Paul, where do I know you from?

I think you know
where you know me from.

Um... Hasty Pudding Club?

No.

-Four-H?
-No, sir.

Eagle Scouts?

-Not really.
-Then I'm at a loss.

Well, let me say
three words to you.

Movie... permit...

coyotes.

You're the coyote guy.

C'est moi.

The guy who made that film.

No. I wanted to make that film,
didn't get to make that film.

Because I didn't let you
make the film.

Then you wrote me that letter.

Yes, which is actually why
I want to talk to you.

I love that letter!

-What?
-I had it laminated.

Um... You called me...
What the heck was it?

It was so long ago.
Who remembers?

-"Weasel."
-Maybe I did.

"Incompetent weasel."

That takes the edge
off of weasel.

-"Pencil-pushing pinhead."
-Perhaps I did.

Then the way you signed it...
"Kiss my ass, Paul Buchman."

It was supposed to be
"Yours truly," but I slipped.

Where the heck is that?

I can't believe
you have that letter.

Oh, you don't throw out
mail like that.

That was my
first piece of hate mail.

You know what, I deserved it.

I was on the job two weeks.

I was doing everything
by the book.

I was a weasel.

I wouldn't say
you were a weasel.

In any event,
I apologize about the permit.

So you won't hold this
against my wife?

-Paul, you see this phone?
-Yeah.

It's been ringing since 1954.

I got calls Koch
hasn't answered,

so I got no time
to bear a grudge.

Well, that's really
generous of you.

I'm sorry if I came
here with the wrong idea.

Oh, no.
I'd do the same for my wife.

-Oh, married?
-Oh, yeah. See? Two kids.

Beautiful kids.
Jamie and I just started trying.

Really? So she could get
pregnant at any time?

Well, we're hoping, you know.

Like two months after
she got this job?

I don't think she would do that.

But you're trying.

Not hard.

What could've happened?

Fran, it wasn't the bra.

Listen, at eleven this morning,
we had this job.

Suddenly,
they have to think about it.

Why do they have
to think about it?

Yeah.

You look really nice.

People just don't change
their mind for no reason.

You smell really good, too.

Well, whatever happened,
we have to find out.

May I say you have
wonderful teeth?

I'll call you back.
What did you do?

Sit down...

'cause you're going to laugh,
you know.

Not immediately,
but within 16 years,

you're going to laugh at this.

-Guess who I ran into today.
-Who?

Lance Brockwell.

-You ran into him?
-Yeah.

-Where?
-In his office.

Oh, God.

I didn'’t go down
there to talk to--

I was working on
this Titanic thing.

This guy,
not only was he on the ship,

he beat John Jacob Astor
at shuffleboard.

He was six years old.
Can you imagine--

Okay. Okay.

I didn't want you to get hurt,

so I went to just
bury the hatchet.

And as a result,
they have to think about it.

What did you say? Why do
they have to think about it.

You know, it could've been...
Nah.

What?

I happened to mention that
we're trying to get pregnant.

What?

I didn't mean to.

Why not tell him
I'm a crack addict?

I would've had a better chance.

That would not be true.

Fran, I found out what happened.

They know I'm trying
to get pregnant.

Don't tell Fran, please.

Paul. He went down there.

No. I'm not going
to divorce him.

She's taking this well.

Yes. Yes, you may.
Here you go.

Oh, good.
Hi, Fran, how are you?

This is how we make
our living, understand?

What were you thinking?

Does the expression "none of
your business" mean anything?

Very common expression.

Can you imagine how angry
you'd be

if I told the Explorer Channel
that you hate birds?

You're both giving
the exact same example.

All right, Fran.
Give me five minutes.

I'll meet you there,

and in the most dignified
manner possible,

we'll grovel like dogs.

I'll see you there.

Baby, I am so sorry.

I should not have
gone down there.

Ha! No kidding.

I should not have said
anything to him.

I'm just... I'm sorry.

You just may have cost me
the best job I'll ever have.

Can I ask you out of curiosity?
What was your plan?

What plan?

If you got this job
and you're great at it,

which you're gonna be,
and then you got pregnant,

were you going to quit?

-I don't know.
-What do you mean?

Two weeks ago you knew.
Having a baby

was the most important
thing in the world.

-And now, not so much.
-What do you mean?

Either we are on this baby
bandwagon, or we're not.

Of course we're on it.

Okay. 'Cause I don't see
the enthusiasm.

Where's the baby enthusiasm?

What do you mean what
happened to the enthusiasm?

You're talking about
a full-time job,

and this is not just any job.

This is a highfalutin,

on-call, 24-hour a day,
holidays and weekends,

three in the morning, working
with the mayor, kind of job.

Doesn't sound exactly
conducive to baby-ness.

Oh, I see. So you get
a big, highfalutin job,

It's great news, happy day.
I get a highfalutin job,

it's, "Oh, no, it might
interfere with our baby plans"?

Uh... Yeah.

Yeah?

I'm, you know, um,
I'm checking, but yeah.

I can't believe
you're telling me

I have to make
the bigger sacrifice.

I... Well, wouldn't you?

Why, because I'm the mommy?

-Yes.
-Oh, I'm the mommy?

Yes.

-Oh, my God.
-What?

-I'm the mommy.
-I know. Sit down.

No, no...
Seriously, I'm the mommy.

I know. Listen, belie...
I know it's not fair.

It's so not fair.

I wish it were even.
I really do.

I know you do.

Listen, if I could
have the kid--

Don't start. You'd have
one cramp and kill yourself.

Could we not make this
a whole guy-girl thing?

You think if Michael Jordan
got pregnant,

they'd kick him off the Bulls?

No, but, you know,
you have to admit,

in his third trimester,
his defense might suffer.

You know what? I can do this.

I can be a mommy
and a bureaucrat.

I can have morning sickness
on the subway.

It's not like no one ever threw
up on the F train before.

Certainly true.

I can handle
that big crazy office.

If I need to take a nap
at lunch, I will.

I'll just unplug the phone,
the fax machine,

the email, the AP ticker
and take a nap.

I'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

-What am I going to do?
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Well, one,
you don't have to take the job.

Hello. Hi, Fran.

Really?

Or you could take the job.

Really?

Yay us!

Not you.

Okay, I'll call you later.

He knows he was bad.

Yay you.

They're going to be pissed
If I get pregnant and quit.

First of all,
you don't have to quit,

because you're going
to have the best husband

a pregnant woman ever had.

Shopping, laundry, everything.
Whatever you want.

I'll even get fat with you.

You're going to wake up
with me for 03:00 a.m. feedings?

To tell you the truth, I'm very
rarely hungry at that hour.

I'll eat something light.

No. Show me.

Wow! All right.
Wait a second. Ready?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]