Original subtitles

THE FABULOUS BARON MUNCHAUSEN

Based on the Works of GOTTFRIED BURGER and GUSTAVE DORE

Screenplay by KAREL ZEMAN

Dialogue and Narration

Starring

Set Design

Editor, Sound Design, and Continuity

Special Effects - Animation, Scenery, Cinematography

Cinematography

Music

Production Design and Direction

FROM THE EAR TH TO THE MOON

Allow us to introduce ourselves.

Mr. Barbicane, president of the Gun Club.

Captain Nicholl.

Michel Ardan.

And who am I?

I am Cyrano.

Cyrano de Bergerac, the poet.

What remains a puzzle to me, however, is your name.

And where are you from?

Venus?

Mars?

Jupiter perhaps?

Judging by his attire, his home is the Moon.

Gentlemen, an honest-to-goodness Moonman.

Come.

Join us.

With glasses brimming over, let us celebrate

this rarest of moments

in this enchanted landscape

cursed by cold and silent as dust...

where one can wait centuries to encounter another soul.

The baron!

Baron Munchausen himself!

One of my own breed, a fellow adventurer...

propelled to the stars by pure imagination.

An adventurer after my own heart!

Baron Munchausen, my dear friends, is flattered...

to be the first to raise a toast

to the health of the first Moonman.

Let our goblets ring!

- Let the stars sing! - To new friendships!

Our new friend is not enjoying himself.

His lips have not touched the wine.

Tell him to remove his helmet.

What if he cannot?

Worse still...

what if he doesn't know what wine is?

That very fear, my friends, gives me an idea.

Look.

The good old Earth.

Does it not deserve to share our great discovery?

I shall proceed there now...

this very moment...

and happily take our Moonman with me.

Let him see how we live.

Let him see how we dress.

Let him experience what love is, and how we love.

Let him know the taste and scent of adventure!

Let the Moonman discover what it is to live on Earth.

80, my friends...

on to new adventures.

My wondrous travels with the Moonman

begin now.

Once my new friend put on clothes,

the creature looked quite human.

Nearly a human being. Nearly.

He had a strange name:

"Tonik” or some such thing.

Quite a likeable fellow,

but with an unfortunate air of reason and logic about him.

Thus my entire manner,

and our unusual mode of travel,

ran contrary to his way of thinking.

In shod, a bizarre fellow.

He babbled on about 'Science ” and 'Technology. ”

I must stress once and for all

that I am not interested in such trifles, my moonfriend.

But I'm not from the Moon. I'm from Earth.

Impossible!

Why impossible?

I've never seen you there.

Behold.

The first heralds of the approaching Earth.

So that's your world? Witches?

Yes. Are they not wonderful?

I don't put much store in magic.

Neither does that one.

She relies on that “science” of yours just in case.

And down there, that's your style to a T.

Following the laws of science to the letter.

The Bosporus. The Golden Horn.

We'll land directly outside the sultan's palace.

Thus shall I address the great sultan.

Melodic, but a bit hard to follow.

The language of high diplomacy.

Why did I decide to land in Turkey of all places ?

Because it is the Land of the Crescent Moon.

I had little doubt that my Moonman

would appreciate this little nod to his origins.

Few would believe that this modest chamber

was the heart and brains of a great empire.

But so it was.

Here is where the Greet Sultan tirelessly discharged

his obligations as a ruler.

I was certain amazement would lighten his noble brow

when I presented a real live Moonmen.

I felt at home in all this splendor.

Let the Moonboy see in what fine manner we Earthlinges live.

I just introduced you.

He fears for his throne.

I apologized. You have no idea what a throne is.

A throne is...

simply a throne! Stay back!

It needs oiling.

Look. - You're playing with fire!

I gather today's audience is over.

“Our ship was lost in a storm and captured by pirates,

who sold me to the sultan.

I saw you yesterday.

You are a true knight...

unafraid even of the terrible sultan.

Thus it occurred to me that I might turn to you

with a plea to rescue me.

You are my only hope.

I remain yours truly, Princess Bianca di Castello Nero.”

She turns to you?

Congratulations.

He's holding her against her will. This is an injustice!

I shall challenge the sultan!

Challenge the sultan? You really are from the Moon.

Only a perfectly executed abduction will do!

That too is an act of violence.

Nonsense! It's a work of art.

The art of winning the lady of one's dreams.

A true knight never resorts to means more subtle

than sword, dagger, and rope.

This very night we shall turn the palace upside down!

The ducks die too.

Torrents of blood, oaths, flames -

such is the true setting for the drama of love!

But the path to our first adventure was not an easy one.

I had no trouble,

but the Moonman fared worse than a sleepwalker.

And that oaf wanted to save a princess!

You whistle like a little boy.

- What should I do? - Be more manly!

- Will that help? - No, but it's more fitting.

When in love, we don't whistle. We fight and -

When in love, we float through the air.

Check.

Mate.

Well, well. The Moonmen shows his true colors.

True, he didn't perform badly...

but why should I slash my way through 10.000 bashibazouks

so he can snatch the spoils of victory from under my very nose?

No matter, beard/ass boy.

When Baron Munchausen enters the arena of love,

he 'll trim your coxcomb/

The Turks raged like devils.

Their fury no doubt frightened the princess and the Moonboy.

But this little game of pursuit caused me no dismay.

My concerns for the princess were of a different order.

I'd seen how the charms of a Venetian rose

could fatally lure even the Moon.

And worse, how she was now falling for him.

No, that pale seducer shall not steal her from my world.

As long as I am Baron Munchausen,

he shall not make off with her.

For three days and three nights that infernal chase persisted,

our path strewn with the bones of exhausted steeds,

while dark scavengers rejoiced over the foul feast.

My friend the ocean.

What a splendid sight it is!

But is that not a Turkish ship?

It's a Dutch ship carrying Turkish tobacco.

A merchant ship. - Excellent.

It can take us to Venice. Ahoy!

It's no use. They can't hear us.

They're too far out.

Then we must catch them.

Oh, pardon me.

Horse and man in the drink!

Of course! Who else but Baron Munchausen?

Two horses and three men in the drink!

Two horses and two men. The third man is a woman.

A dinghy in the water...

a cabin for the lady...

hay for the horses...

and burgundy for the men.

To a pleasant journey to Venice!

And now, my friends...

let me offer you the most precious thing I have.

Karsiyaka?

Drama Basma?

Java? - Ladokeyech.

La-do-key-ech.

Heavens!

The Turkish navy! All hands on deck!

So! Here we go!

What does this mean, Baron?

Don't tell me you stole the sultan's treasure.

A single pearl...

but quite the finest.

One, two, three, four, five...

1.427 guns aimed at us!

And they'll fire too!

Now the sharks will smoke my tobacco!

But the captain had forgotten there was a man aboard

who always had a plan.

As a veil of tobacco smoke slowly engulfed our ship,

the Turkish fleet tightened its deadly grip.

Five hundred cannon to our left,

five hundred to our right.

One famous admiral to the left,

another to the right.

No sooner had Turkish tobacco rendered us invisible to Turkish eyes...

than the impetuous Admiral Hassan gave the order to fire.

The Great Eunuch couldn't be seen to hesitate.

To prove himself fully a man, he plunged into the fray.

la/one was in control

of this colossal battle.

In brief, the Turks blew each other to splinters

and my legendary ingenuity celebrated yet another victory.

True, a few stray shots sank our ship,

but that was to be expected

After all, what are lifeboats for?

When the pungent curtain of smoke finally lifted,

we beheld a theater of destruction

littered with the pitiful relics of the magnificent fleet.

The final act of this tragedy was a two-man show

in which both admials played their parts

with greet feeling.

Bravo, heroes!

I had no objection to the fact that we escaped in two boats.

In one sat the captain and Tonik,

in the second, my humble self and the princess.

Night overtook us, the moon rose,

and I had the princess all to myself on the salty deep.

Ton/kt boat disappeared.

Baron...

are there lovers on the moon?

The moon, my dear...

is a celestial body of a most mysterious nature.

It is entirely -

Covered in silver lilies-of-the-valley...

forever chiming sweetly.

She 'a' painted quite a picture for herself!

Damn that Moonman who was still in her thoughts!

If only she knew that the true face of the moon

was just as uninspiring as its inhabitants.

Such a pity she did/ft understand my fabulous world.

The monster swallowed us whole.

In its belly was a lagoon larger than Lake Geneva.

Our only light came

from the lanterns of a shipwreck the beast had swallowed long before.

It was quite a sight!

Still, ventilation being less than optimal,

I let the princess sleep on.

I am Baron Munchausen.

We welcome you under our roof.

Kindly enter, distinguished guests.

My presence on board was a compelling reason to celebrate.

The sorry caste ways willingly opened

the lest remnants of their liquid reserves.

I could see that beneath their hairy chests

lay heads of gold.

It was a difficult task explaining to this noble and gentle creature

that we were trapped in a whale's stomach.

But I must admit that traveling 20.000 leagues under the sea

alongside my beauty was a welcome adventure.

The monster sailed much of the world with us inside.

First it went to the North Sea.

During its wanderings in the realm of eternal ice,

it ventured night under the North Pole.

We could clearly tell,

as conditions in the fishy darkness chi/led appreciably.

Our leviathan traveled tirelessly,

scouring the seven seas with us inside.

The Red Sea.

The Yellow Sea.

The Black Sea.

What insightful deductions!

Such a profound grasp of geography!

What would we have done without our admiral?

Just once, when we sailed into murky waters, did his perspicacity fail him.

Bu! mine never waned.

This voyage will never end.

A storm!

Luckily we're protected by tons of blubber.

Storm on, ocean!

Do thy worst.

Well, I'll be!

That's no storm. Those are 16-pounders.

You know what that means? You hear those cannons?

We are approaching the civilized shores of our dear Europe.

The shy creature foolishly turned its back

on ail our civilization had to offer.

80 much the better.

At least it gave me time

to ban/sh the Moonman from the princess's head.

How do I look, Captain?

A harpoon!

I think it's high time to change into traveling attire.

- You dance like the breeze. - The floor is dancing with me.

- What about me? - You too.

My arms will hold you steady forever.

We're saved! We've landed!

The whale dropped anchor!

You there on the rocks!

Hey, you there!

What are you doing there?

I'm on dry land at last, and here I'll stay!

There's nothing but madness on the island below.

You hear that?

He's lit an infernal cauldron inside the ship.

That sorcerer! That Moonman!

Tonik?

Go down to the bay and see.

He's attempting to power a ship with steam.

How fickle the head of a woman!

She has only to hear that ridiculous name "Tonik”

and she instantly forgets the wonderful hours spent at my side.

I saw that all my efforts of the past weeks were in vain.

Where am I?

You're with me.

My steamship.

But for a single screw...

the steamship could have been born a hundred years earlier.

A single screw.

Can you believe it?

I understood the boy.

He wanted to be another Baron Munchausen.

To travel in a boat driven by steam - mon dieu!

Such nonsense required a hefty dose of imagination.

Bu! though two people may do the same thing,

ifs never quite the same.

No one enjoys a wild ride more than me,

but I generally prefer to remain on terra firma

and not go flapping about in the clouds.

I was quite enjoying my aerial journey

when a terrible thought flashed through my mind:

I'd left the princess at the mercy of that lunatic fantasist!

I had to gel back, as directly as possible!

Good heavens!

I knew it immediately. I wish you could have tasted it.

It was wine.

A whole sea of Melnik white, chilled to perfection.

What a pity Bianca wasn't there.

She 'a' surely be a bit jealous.

The mermaids swam right past,

practically caressing me with their scales.

But their aquatic charms tempted me not.

For, as with all womankind when a men takes no notice of them,

they show their fangs.

This didn't disturb me,

for I'd often seen an innocent fish turn predator.

But no monster has yet grown teeth big enough

to eat Baron Munchausen.

Suddenly my heart began pounding like e bell.

That had to mean my beloved was near.

Heeding my heart's call, I ascended ever closer

to the ship and to Princess Bianca.

I mustn't arrive too late.

Long into the night / was pressed to tel/ of my undersea adventure.

Everyone listened, electrified

All but those two.

They were not interested

I failed to see how a princess could be so interested

in talk of machinery and the like.

Can you read the stars?

A little.

I was curious what he would read in them.

It's written in the stars

that your eyes are deeper than the heavens.

Really, my dear inventor! That's not even original!

Every young man says that to a girl under a starry sky!

Thus ifs been for a thousand years.

The stars will cease to be a mystery to us.

There will be no mysteries anymore

except the mystery of love.

...and the horse I was riding swam rather than galloped,

while possibly a million varieties of fish

sped along the seabed ahead of me...

at unbelievable velocities.

“Possibly a million varieties...”

Was it a million or not?

This is a ship's log, Baron!

Very well.

To be exact...

1,000,256 fish.

Fifty-seven.

And I didn't just pull that number out of my sleeve.

As we sailed on, I could see with my own eyes

that the princess preferred to listen

to that tel/er of tales from another World.

Why did the romance of my adventures not affect her,

the romance of war, duels, and chivalry?

Then fortune smiled upon me.

The commander of this fort was my old friend, General Elemele,

a sold/er to the core.

Volleys of champagne were loosed at once to celebrate our meeting.

Unfortunately, the enemy loosed their volleys as well,

and our host was forced to return to more quot/diam pursuits.

Splendid! Your strategy is admirable.

If only I knew where the enemy is.

Would you permit me to find out?

If it's not an inconvenience.

It's but a trifle!

Look!

Bravo! Bravissimo!

How clever! How brave!

How uncomfortable.

When I 'a' plotted the enemy's position to the last detail,

I told myself I had no further business there.

Ana' since enemy shot was whistling past me thick and fast,

it was chi/dis play to catch a ride back to our citadel.

When I was a boy...

I loved fairy tales.

And I know you love them still.

I drew one for you. Have a look.

This is as old a castle as anywhere on Earth.

In the middle of the castle grounds is a dry well...

and next to the well is a tall gilded tower.

A beautiful princess is held prisoner within.

A young wanderer falls in love with the princess

and wishes to free her from the castle.

80 he dispenses with the guards,

enters the armory,

and throws all the gunpowder down the well.

He waits until the moon is directly above the castle,

then strikes a spark...

and the well turns into a fiery miss/Ye...

that flies up to the moon.

You tell a beautiful story.

Pity it's just a fairy tale.

Why should love and beauty exist only in fairy tales?

Traveling to the moon and throwing gunpowder down a well

need not remain only a dream.

- To future battles. - To future adventures.

- May you never see defeat. - May you never be surpassed.

Me? Baron Munchausen will never be surpassed.

The very name Baron Munchausen is unsurpassable.

It is immortal. There's nothing I can do about it.

Such is my fate.

What sort of fate is that...

that fails in love?

The Princess Bianca and you -

That naive girl cannot interest

a chevalier like myself,

who has known the rare lace

of the most renowned beauties in the world.

Lace with royal monograms.

Queen Margareta of Estremadura,

her sister Maria-Luisa of Austral/a,

and the other one.

Each offered me her hand - and her bed - from her high throne.

And, of course, a considerable number of court ladies

whom a signal from my little finger sent falling info my arms.

Bu! they did not always find their way into my heart so easily.

The Marquise Da Rimini, for example,

employed much more subtle means

to win my affections.

I was insatiable,

busy day and night.

One beauty after another fell passionately

under the spell of my manly eloquence.

Then there was the most beautiful woman in the world...

made famous by a little-known artist.

I drew her portrait too, in secret,

and though / don? wish to boast, mine was better by far.

But which of these women was the most passionate ?

Forgive me...

but the discretion of a chevalier of refined manners

prevents me from recounting further.

I indulged in recalling these hundreds of women

so as to think no more of the Princess Bianca...

the one beauty in this fortress,

surrounded by so many dashing chevaliers.

Bu! at that very moment...

the enemy resumed its infernal concert

General, there's not a speck of gunpowder left in the whole fortress.

The lethal machinery of war

had been turned overnight into harmless toys.

I had as yet no idea

that this cunning act/on was the work of our very own Moonman,

who looked on with feigned innocence.

Good old Turkish tobacco.

My intervention proved decisive once again.

The generals disappeared,

and without their generals, the soldiers went quietly home.

A strange victory, but a victory nonetheless,

and therefore worthy of a suitable celebration.

Alas, the festivities were disturbed by harsher tones.

The general informed the princess that Tonik had been arrested,

for it was due to him that the gunpowder had van/shed.

A court martial awaited him, followed by a firing squad.

Pardon me, Baron...

but you brought him here!

Pardon me, General, but we won the battle.

Pardon me, Baron, what do you mean by “battle”?

There was no bloodshed, no slaughter and destruction.

With that battle we cheated history.

All due to that man.

He must be tried and convicted!

He's a dangerous fantasist!

“Dangerous fantasist,” you say? I've heard that somewhere before.

- A dangerous fantasist! - The words ring a bell...

Tonik!

The young man is from the moon, from another world.

He fell from the heavens? Then we'll send him back!

Tell me, General: Where is your evidence?

There's a full moon, like in the fairy tale.

When the moon is directly above the fortress,

we can begin.

Interesting instructions on how to blow a fortress into the air.

The well is full of gunpowder.

A single spark and...

The baron is an excellent marksman. I'm sure he'll help us.

The princess thinks I can't see her.

Fair Princess...

the Officer of the Fortress Guard...

at your service...

to conduct you safely to the general.

Fortress regulations are clear. Duty before feelings.

Enough now, young man.

Stop this.

Do you not understand an order?

Don't play games with me!

Tonik.

Be grateful that I've rid you of this rogue.

He's out to surpass you in everything.

He boasts that he's sailed beneath not just one sea but all of them.

Perhaps in his world that's nothing unusual.

He also says he's flown more swiftly than a cannonball.

Perhaps he was in a hurry.

You say the boy is a fantasist.

If he's endowed with such imagination,

let's see some grand display of it.

Greetings, friends!

Old Cyrano welcomes you.

Down here!

This way!

You're just in time

for the changing of the guard.

Until now, Luna has belonged to us poets and dreamers...

daring fantasists...

adventurers in powdered wigs...

fantasists in frock coats...

and those in bizarre helmets out of the pages of the latest novels.

And of course to lovers.

Yes, lovers' claims on the moon have always been the strongest.

But now...

I fling my hat aloft...

that it may sail up to the stars

and welcome on our behalf all you brave souls

hurtling at this very moment into the outstretched arms

of the cosmos!

THE END