Original subtitles

Withdrawal is like dying

and rebirth happening at once.

But with no family

to lovingly send you off

or to greet you with big smiles and open arms,

a drinker like me...

...is always alone.

Matt, Matt get in.

- Look like you could use a cup of coffee, huh?

I could use a beer.

It was a joke, you literal prick, it was a joke.

It's a, it's a seatbelt.

Yeah, I know what it is.

Thanks, Papa Fred.

-Nice. -Onward, valet. Onward.

Tell me about your, your big plan.

Punching a bartender, huh?

-Worked, didn't it? It worked. -Oh.

Oh, 48 hours, Matt. That's it.

Ye-- you, you don't have no room to get cocky here.

Why are you mocking that?

How am I being cocky?

Come on, Matt.

One day at a time, one minute at a time,

one second at a time.

Shoot, this car don't move

until the metal's in the groove.

I need you to understand that this is, this is the time.

-There might not be another chance. -No chance.

-Why? -Because your plans don't work for me.

They would if you commit to them.

I've had 20 successful sponsees, man.

-Twenty. -I know that because you've mentioned it a lot.

Go home now and you'll be drunk in an hour.

Dude, stop.

Or dead in a month.

What the, happened to all that positive self-talk

you were so good at?

Okay, Matt. What's your plan?

Step one, get sober.

Check.

Step two, I will finish the hutch.

I'll start that tomorrow.

And then step three, um,

I will stay sober...

...for 30 days...

...so that I can see my mom, uh...

...before she dies.

Matt, I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that bad.

Listen, listen, I've, I've got that cabin.

-That little cabin next to our house. -Yeah.

-You know the one I'm talking about, right? -I do.

-Yeah. -Why don't you come out there and finish the hutch?

Rachael's not even there.

She's,

she's back East with family, all right? She's, uh...

I don't wanna live on a farm.

It's not a, it's not a farm.

What do you mean, "It's not a farm?" You have chickens.

Matt, sobriety is something that you can't do on your own.

Sobriety is something that I have to do on my own.

Matt, think big picture.

I am.

I am, I'm just thinking differently than you.

Oh.

Dear Matt,

well, the doctors finally hit their last option.

They moved me to hospice.

It's not so bad, there's a TV in my room.

I haven't seen you in 15 years,

and you'd think by now I'd give up on my stubbornness

because the idea of not seeing you

before I kick the bucket hurts more than all the surgeries combined.

But I'm holding on to what I can hold onto,

my final dream.

Get sober

and come say goodbye.

I love you.

Mom.

We're doing this.

Yeah, Matt.

-Thirty days. -Thirty days.

Thirty days.

- We're gonna talk about that ugly hat you're wearing.

Deal.

My whole life...

...unable to rest...

...in pursuit of some unavowed dream...

...masked in this insane compulsive desire to self-bleed.

Multiple vices brought my way,

but not the kind that takes one's breath away,

but the kind that tears one's self away.

Let's get after it.

Morning, morning.

Uh, uh, morning, oh, Oh.

Did I disturb you?

No, no, the knock did. Okay.

Some leftover benzos.

-Oh, thanks man. -I got plenty of coffee in the truck.

I don't really feel like hearing how big a piece of shit I am,

right now, to be honest with you.

Matt, I get it, you don't like meetings.

Yeah.

I need you to show up.

It's a reasonable request.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.

It's a reasonable request.

All right, I'll pick you up.

- Wait, you're not coming in? -I already went.

-That figures. -All right.

-I got a favor to ask you, man. -What's that?

I'd like to ask you not to wear that hat.

Uh, what do you mean?

-I'm Lakota. -I know.

So basically you're a walking billboard for a stereotype about native people.

Matt, we're not Braves or Redskins,

or-- we're not even Indians.

-We're real people just-- -I, I know.

Just wear this instead, please.

This hat is symbolic of

real players,

and real people,

and a real team that was part of my childhood.

I'm not, it's not a, a, a racist thing.

All right. Imagine you're a, you're a kid...

-Yeah. -...off the reservation, and you, and, and you come to a game

and you idolize these people and you want to be a professional baseball player,

and, and, and you get there and, and you see people,

adults, dressed up like,

like what they think... you're supposed to look like.

What they think, in their mind, an "Indian" looks like,

and, and, and they're going

act-- acting like idiots.

That affects us.

Like I, I'm not saying that that's great,

I don't get how it affects you though.

That affects my self-esteem.

That affects these kids' self-esteem.

I'm not a mascot.

I'm not a goofy cartoon or a, or a chant,

or, or, we don't do the Tomahawk chop.

That makes a difference in how we feel about ourself,

that affects kids' self-esteem.

Okay.

-Thank you. -Yep, yep.

You win, you win.

Uh, are you picking me up after?

I'll be here.

-Thanks, man. -I got you.

My father was a violent man.

He was a marine...

...sniper scout,

Pacific Theater during World War II.

He took Iwo Jima, Saipan, Tinian, Roi-Namur,

and the Marianas.

And...

...he had this hair trigger temper when he drank...

...and God forbid,

you were in his line of fire,

'cause that wasn't gonna be a good day.

When I was a boy,

I had this dog named Caesar...

...and he was my buddy, you know, my pal.

In a scary world,

he was like my champion.

And then, uh, one day my dad...

...just went into one of his ragers and...

I was sitting there with Caesar petting him.

And... he beelines it right at us, you know?

And I thought, "Oh, he's going, he's gonna lay into me, man."

And then, you know, with one hit...

...he snapped his spine in half.

I'll never forget the sound he made...

...'cause I, I knew that was it, and he was dying.

So, I put my head... against his chest and pet him.

You know, that... was the only thing I could do.

I've done a lot of forgiving since then,

I'm gonna tell you that was a hard one.

- All right. - That was tough, man.

You know, the pulls are a great community event.

-Meet a lot of good people. -What are they?

Uh, dog pulls, train your sled dogs?

So, like mushing and all that?

Yeah, something like that.

It's kind of tough being the new guy in the group, huh?

It was tough for me too in the beginning,

but you know, I kind of stick out around here.

Why? Because you don't drink?

Well, no, I, I'm a guest from Al-Anon.

So, you're fine.

Well, not fine, but you know,

alcoholism, it's, it's a family disease.

Not if they're not around.

Listen, I'm in Al-Anon and I give my number out,

so you know, if you're interested...

No, I'm good.

All right, well, I'll let you get back to it and, uh, it's great meeting you.

-I need this. -He's a stray.

So am I, and look how much you like me.

You remember Kevin, you remember Kevin?

He asked his sponsor for a little job,

and, and his sponsor sent him out to the garden

to pick some dandelions,

just a little bit of light weeding.

He marches through the river, over the woods,

catches the bus one hour one way just to drink.

-Sorry, what does that have to do with me? -Stress, Matt.

Stress. This dog is stress.

-You don't need stress right now. -I'm not asking permission.

-This is my house, man. -Then I will leave your house.

Do you see what you're doing?

Do you even hear what you're doing right now?

Matt, if I let him stay and things go wrong,

you have your excuse, and if...

-I'm listening. -...if I stand my ground...

...you have your excuse.

He was licking chickens.

- That's not cute. That's brain damage.

Hmm.

- See? - Bless you.

That's how he protests absurdity.

After my dad died...

...my Newfoundland that I had, his name was Basil...

...was how that I knew that my world had not ended.

And when he died, the care that had been in my home was completely gone.

So, I would scrape my knee and it wasn't,

"Hey, are you okay?"

It was, "Put a band aid on it and move on."

I need this.

How about we give it a week?

-One week, Matt. -Deal.

There's one problem.

What now?

We have to name him.

This, this is your new dog. You pick.

Okay. Yup'ik.

- Oh, Matt. - Yeah, yeah.

-Really? -Yeah, really.

It's a great name, you named him.

It's great. It's great.

Heartfelt.

That's right. You know, you know the smells.

Shut up!

- Shut up, shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

At least you're housebroken.

Come on, let's go.

Yup'ik, let's go.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey.

I blame my mom for the way she shut down after my dad died,

- The truth was somehow too straight forward.

He crashed into a tree on his way to work.

Broad daylight, no alcohol, no other cars involved.

Hmm.

- Hey, how is it coming along? -Great.

It's real great, real great, real great.

-You're not gonna take him with you? -Nope.

Well, he's your dog, you can't just leave him.

What do you want from me?

I want you to take him with you.

Fine, I'll take him with me and leave him for the cougars.

Great? Great, great.

Yup'ik! You're on your own asshole!

Hey, you all right? Good. All right, here, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Go ahead, go ahead, okay.

Good, yeah, yeah, good, good.

- Hey. - Hey.

I have a package for Fred.

Uh, yeah, I'll sign for it. Uh...

-You can sign here. -Great, oh.

Wow, you guys got dumped on out here.

- Yeah, yeah it's Montana. It'll probably be gone tomorrow with.

-Oh, I love your husky. -Uh, he's a pound puppy.

He's an Alaskan Husky with some Siberian in him.

Seriously?

Yep, third generation dog musher right here.

People still do that?

Well, sure I mean, I don't anymore,

but there are a lot of them out there.

-Yeah. -Well, huskies can look kind of muddy

'cause they're not really a "breed" breed,

but they're kind of a special dog,

bred for power, speed, and endurance.

Not for looks. Right?

-Definitely not. -Yeah.

But this guy's an epic athlete.

-Wait. -Um, what's the name?

Uh, Yup'ik.

-Yeah. -Your name is Yup'ik?

- No, I'm Matt, he's Yup'ik. - Oh.

I, what kind of parent would name a kid Yup'ik, right?

Yeah, that's a good question, Uh, I'm Julie.

-Hi. -They're great sled dogs, but they're also,

they love to pull. There's nothing in the world

an Alaskan Husky loves more than pulling.

I, I don't know. Is that what those signs are around town with like the... big prize money...

-Yeah. Oh. -...thing?

Where are you from?

Uh, I grew up in Whitefish mostly...

-and then I was in, uh, Glendive for a bit... -Hmm.

- ...and Miles City. - Yeah, fancy boy.

Yeah that's, that's me, that's me.

Um... well, hey, I, I gotta go.

Hey, uh, what do I do,

uh, if I want to have him pull like you're saying?

Uh, harness him up.

I don't, actually-- Uh, what does that mean?

It means fancy boy, put a harness on him.

Uh, I work at Murdochs this weekend. Come by. I'll hook this guy up.

Okay.

All right. Come on,

we'll try this. All right.

Okay, okay. What's happening here?

So we, like this.

Come on, come on, come on, you're good.

I'm just gonna take this off of you.

Okay, ready, okay?

Good boy, it's okay, it's okay.

Yeah, here we go, here we go.

Good job. Here we go.

More weight!

-Come here. -Come on, Yup'ik.

- Come on. - Atta boy.

What was that?

He almost pulled it.

-Wow, good job. Good job, good job buddy. -What? Good boy!

- Ugh. - Good Yup'ik, yeah, yeah.

Are you getting cold? Hm? Are you getting cold?

-Matt, the parking brake was on. -Wait, what?

The parking break was on.

No. What, what, what?

Yeah! Woo-hoo.

Okay, yeah, we--

Sorry, we can't afford it buddy.

Let's see.

Yup'ik!

You made it.

I'm gonna give you a treat.

I just need to ask you about the, the dog pulling.

-Weight pulling. Uh... -Weight pulling.

...mushing's more my specialty,

but you should talk to this guy.

He's the best. He, his dogs are legend,

and he's lived here a long time. A native guy from Alaska.

-Okay. -Uh, he's got really good stories.

-You should ask him about Nugget. -Nugget, okay, Nugget.

Did you hook him up?

- Yeah. - I told you.

-Right. -Hey also, the weight pull's just outside.

Um, give it a go. If he pulls weight, you qualify for state.

-Cash or card? -Uh, let's do card please.

Also, uh, make sure that you mix it with water when you feed him, it prevents bloat.

Okay.

Yeah.

Your total is $71.37.

Okay.

I'm sorry. It didn't go through.

Just gimme my card back, it's, it's like an old card.

I think the stripe is actually bad on it.

-How much do you have? -I have money,

I'm just finishing up a project right now, so...

Mm, 42 bucks, perfect.

I told you I'd hook you up.

Don't worry about it, employee discount.

Um, gimme Greg's card.

I can show you our dogs.

I've just been out of the game a while.

Good boy.

I'm sorry, we're finished.

Uh, can I just get my dog out there?

-Come to our next pull. -Wh-- when is that?

Qualifier's in Butte next week.

Could we just practice?

Not today.

You're taking this kind of seriously, aren't you?

I am?

Yeah, I'm just asking to see what my dog can do.

I'll spare you the suspense.

- Excuse me? - It's a little dog.

I'm sorry.

-Greg said I should stop by. -Greg sent you?

-Yeah, Greg Peters. -Mm-hmm.

Hey,Greg-ums, guy here says you sent him over.

-Hey, Matt, right? -Yeah.

- Good to see you again. - Yeah, you too.

Yeah, I think he's worth checking out.

- He ever pulled? - Sure.

Yeah, he's young.

He's got feet like clown shoes.

-Let's get a rig on him, see what he can do. -Are you serious?

All right, make sure it's snug.

We had a big malamute in there

last run of the day.

Sampson, you may have seen him.

Your dog's a little smaller.

- It's funny, that's, that's real funny, yeah.

-So what'd you name him? -Uh, his name's Yup'ik.

- Really? - Hey, come here, here.

And how'd you come about that?

That's kind of a joke.

I gotta see this, don't wanna jinx the next pull.

Uh, he's superstitious.

Into the Zodiac and stuff like that.

Yeah, that seems pretty on brand for him.

Come on, Yup'ik. Come on, come on. Go, go, go.

Hey Greg, just so this kid doesn't kill his dog,

we should probably take the weight down a little bit.

How much is on there?

Uh, Sampson's original 2100.

Oh, let's knock it down to 500,

just to give him a feel for it.

Yeah, well he almost pulled a car earlier.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You never set your dog

up to fail, it shames him.

This guy's a total amateur.

We were all amateurs once.

That trust is a difficult thing to earn back.

Yeah, and I know something about that.

Oh, okay.

-Yeah. -Well, here's how it works,

Each of those bricks is 50 pounds.

After each successful pull, the weight goes up 100 pounds.

You are starting at 2100 pounds. All right?

- Okay. -So you're gonna go down to the end of the lane, that's 16 feet.

Your time starts when you call your dog or when your dog makes a move off the line.

-Thirty seconds for him to get-- -You've got 30 seconds to get the front of the sled

- across that line. - Okay, got it.

You're on, Sparky.

Okay. Yup'ik, come.

You're right. He's really strong.

Prick.

Yup'ik, come.

He's not interested.

The dog just won't listen, man.

Yup'ik, not "the dog".

"Not the dog," does that really matter?

Yes. When you call Yup'ik, mean it.

I do mean it.

Remember a time when you had fun with him.

- Remember a time when I had fun with him? - -Yes.

Breathe into that, it's very simple.

Stay in that place.

When you're ready, call him.

Yup'ik, come.

-Wait, wait, wait, wait. -When he puts his head down, you leave him.

Wh-- Sorry, why are you yelling at me?

Because you are a moron.

You work at a doggy weight pull, man.

How often do you think your wife brags about you?

Oh, yeah?

Oh shit. Quick, quick, come, come, yep, good, good.

Nine seconds.

-Not bad. -Yeah.

Yeah, you know?

Hey, so, I, I just wanted to say that I'm going through kind of a, a rough patch.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, look...

...bring this with you to the qualifier.

It'll get you in for free.

It's got my name on it.

Right, so you think he can qualify?

I wouldn't get too excited just 'cause you got him to cross the line once,

- doesn't mean you can do it again. - Good luck, champ.

Matthew...

...Yup'ik is a very special name.

It's a Yup'ik word, spelled Y-U-P-I-K,

and it's sacred.

He's a sensitive dog...

...and you will have to become sensitive, too.

Lean into that connection, okay?

You're doing a good job.

Okay, Yup'ik come.

I thought we had a deal, I lean in and you respond.

What's the problem?

I'm sorry about the car earlier, okay?

I didn't mean to shame you with it.

So, you wanna make sure and make eye contact with him.

And go very slowly.

Make sure that he's following the treat.

-Okay, you try. -Okay.

-So, I make eye contact. -With Yup'ik.

With Yup'ik, right, right, and go slowly.

Yes.

Okay, slow.

Okay, just toss it to him now.

Just toss it to him?

Yeah, just pop it up in the air.

Just pop it up in the air, all right.

-What if I hit him? -He'll catch it. It's a treat.

So, just like baseball, it's all about the fundamentals.

So, sit.

Dang, how much bacon can he eat?

I'm pretty sure he's bottomless.

So, you all race ready?

About as ready we're ever gonna be, I guess.

Wait, your mom was a musher?

She trained with Susan Butcher for years.

I don't know who that is.

It's just a four time Iditarod winner.

-She's pretty. -Well, that's where I get it.

-What's with the hat? -It's called an ushanka,

and it's Prada for mushers.

Do you have one?

Nah, it's for serious mushers.

And, and you're not a serious musher?

I love it. I don't know, it, it's kind of my mom's thing, hard to live up to.

Well, yeah, especially without a...

- ...u-- U-- - Ushanka.

Ushanka, ushanka, okay.

What about your dad?

Carpenter, technically.

Which is a noble profession.

In my dad's case, he was mostly an unemployed and resentful house husband.

My mom had this dream and she was living it and he didn't.

He did manage to keep the dogs alive though.

I'd come out here occasionally to help out.

So, that's my sob story, what about you?

How many days sober?

I can be a bit much.

Yeah, I don't really like to talk about it.

You got it.

So, I was thinking

I'd like to take you and Yup'ik dog sledding.

I think you'd love it.

-Um... -If not, I understand.

I appreciate your help with him so far.

Like, really.

-I'm not-- -Hey, this doesn't have to be a thing.

Thought you could use a friend.

It's just a dog sled ride.

Hola, amigo.

Dang, the hutch's looking pretty good.

Yeah, she's coming along, coming along.

Got you something.

-What's this? -Just a small,

-small present. -Got me a bowling ball?

- It's a necklace. - Yes.

-Heavy. -It's a sweater.

You opened it?

I had to, man, I had to look at it.

A sweater, it's a sweater.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Two days away.

It makes no damn sense to me why they're your favorite team.

- I think I got the font as close as I could get it.

We didn't have a team in Montana...

...and my dad loved them.

And it was my thing with him.

-Whew. -That's why, huh? Your dad.

-Okay, now I understand. -Oh.

I just couldn't put the team name on there 'cause I--

-Well, you know. -I know. I do know.

- But I got a baseball on there. That's the symbol.

That relationship between you and your dad, Matt,

-that's what's important. -Yeah.

I just don't wanna miss the chance to get it to you before the big race.

I'd like to register my dog, please.

You have to have your pull dog with you.

Can I just have my bib please?

- You're quite rude. -It's okay, Tina, he's an acquired taste.

Yeah, some people just weren't raised right.

You have a problem with authority, kid.

Come on, let's go.

- Hey. Hey. - Hey, rat pull's next week, bud.

Rat pull's in your pants, buddy.

Crowd can get a little rowdy at these things,

don't take it personal.

Let's get one thing straight...

-Mm. -...I don't need your help.

Oh, whatever you say.

Here, here, here.

-Number? -Uh, 88.

-You're up next. -Okay.

Eighty-eight. It's a lucky number, astrologically.

The stars are in your favor, pal.

Stop, stop, stop. I can't do this zodiac astrological bullshit, okay?

I'm trying to concentrate and you're just yapping in my ear.

Accept the help or don't, but stop complaining.

You sound like a little bitch.

Our defending champion, weighing in at a robust

- One hundred and forty-two pounds. - Yeah.

Malamute, Alaskan freight dog.

He has size, heart, pure will.

That's your competition.

He's won state the last three years and beat last year's national record.

-You're up. -Okay, Yup'ik, come on. Come on.

Dog goes on the scale, not you.

Hey, get up here, come on.

Next up, we have Yup'ik weighing in at

a svelte, featherweight 44 pounds.

All right, guys, thank you all for coming.

We got a really quick event today.

Each dog has 30 seconds

to pull 1500 pounds across the line.

Cross the line, they qualify for state.

Come on, Sampson.

Sampson, let's go, let's go.

You got this, come on!

Sampson, hey, come on.

Let's go, let's go.

That's seven seconds, that's a new qualifying record.

Come on, good boy, good boy.

Yeah! Woo.

Yup'ik, Yup'ik, come, come here.

Yup'ik, come here.

Yup'ik, come.

Yup'ik.

Ah, Yup'ik, come.

Come. Ah!

Come! Come!

You do that shit at state, I'm gonna kick your ass.

So, we're not gonna be carpooling together, is that what you're saying?

Hey.

That was disgusting.

-Another lecture, okay. -The-- Hmm,

-the only reason you're not disqualified... -Mm-hmm.

-Hmm-mm. -...is 'cause your friend was going around telling everyone

how stupid you are, and I happen to agree with him.

Pull that at state and you're disqualified.

Great.

Hi, it's me, leave a message.

Hey, Mom, it's Matt. Um,

What do you say after 15 years?

Oh.

I made it.

I'd like to see you. Uh...

Oh, uh, call me back?

Good, good, good. Stay here, stay here.

Hey, hey.

- Hi, this is Matt. - Hi Matt, I'm Denise,

I'm one of your mom's hospice nurses.

-Hey, champ-- -Hey, did you get a letter from my mom?

Um...

-...oh, uh, yeah. Hey. -Where is it?

-Where is it? Where is it? -Sit down!

-Sit down. -Get your hands off me.

I've had enough of this.

-Get your ass down. -So have I.

Where, oh, fuck, where is it?

-Where is it? -It's on top of the hutch.

You're so close to 30 days, Matt.

I understand why you're upset.

And it's just that you were doing so, so good.

I asked you to be my sponsor,

because you had a willpower that I didn't have

And I trusted you man.

And I shouldn't have,

because you are scared shitless

of being out of control.

And you lied to me.

And for as long as I've known you,

you have taken the easy way out.

Hey, that's what makes these last 30 days so exceptional.

There's no shortcuts to sobriety, Matt,

'cause believe me, you would've found them by now.

Your mom's death isn't your fault.

And where's your wife, Fred?

No, don't do this.

You talk about your life like it's Eden.

So where is she?

Did she leave you for some guy who'd let her choose

what day of the week she wanted to wash her underwear?

You keep talking to me like this, you can't stay here.

We'll be gone tomorrow.

Great.

Great.

Fuck. Get in there.

Come here, come.

Surprise! Fred invited me for pizza.

I thought, well, we thought we'd celebrate.

I get that you're lonely, but I don't want this.

What is it that you don't want, Matt?

My friendship, a human connection,

this card that I brought?

-Let's be specific. -I don't want any of it.

I'm going through shit right now.

I don't have anybody.

I just drove an hour here to celebrate with you.

Get out.

Get out.

Matt, Matt, I think something's wrong.

Get out.

- Seriously. - Seriously, get out!

Hey.

When I was ten, a storm destroyed our deck.

And my dad was excited.

He couldn't wait to tear it out and rebuild the damn thing.

He made me get up early for weeks to help him,

he was even whistling while we worked.

Man, I was so mad at him for being so cheerful

about building the stupid deck.

I hated every hammer swing and every nail

and every board we replaced.

We finished on a Sunday right before he got paged into work,

and I was mad about that too, him leaving.

And I hated that beeper noise.

And that was the last time I saw him.

It's ruined.

No, Matt, nothing's beyond repair.

Um, so, this is a peace offering.

Here.

- He's gonna be okay, right? - -We're gonna do everything we can for him.

Well, it's not the antifreeze.

Wait what? So, so what's wrong with him?

We're unsure at this time,

but as soon as we can figure it out,

we'll let you guys know.

You were right.

You needed him.

I'd give anything to have the fun you two do.

He's my buddy, man, he's my buddy.

Matt, I need to tell you something.

I don't know, know if I can do another talk right now.

I need this.

Okay.

Matt, I drank.

That's why Rachael went to her sister's.

Thank you for telling me.

Matt, I don't wanna be your sponsor anymore.

Oh.

I just wanna be your friend.

I, I could use both.

It's gonna be a while, we need you to go home.

I, I would like to stay here.

Go home and get some rest,

we'll call you as soon as he's up.

Let's go get some coffee.

I, I can't believe this, but I want to go somewhere else.

Uh, I'm Matt, and I'm an alcoholic.

- Hey, Matt. - Hey.

About a month ago after, uh, a short bender, um...

...I, uh, found out

from a doctor that

I was throwing up my stomach.

And that if I didn't stop drinking, I would die.

I went from the appointment to the bar...

...uh, ready to drink the place dry.

A couple of drinks in, I opened up a letter that...

...I had received that day, and I found out that my mom...

...was going into hospice.

She'd refused to see me until I was 30 days sober,

um, it'd been 15 years.

So, I, uh, really smartly, um, decided to punch a bartender...

...so I could get thrown into jail, um, 'cause I know that,

knew that that's the only chance I had...

... to get sober. That was my sobriety plan.

After my, uh, after my dad had died,

I had a teacher who encouraged me to write poetry

as a way to process my feelings.

So I'm gonna read something I wrote.

Um, I'm not really good at this kind of thing.

Um, it's called Broken Soul.

"My whole life, unable to rest,

in pursuit of some unavowed dream,

masked in this insane compulsive desire to self-bleed.

Multiple vices brought my way, but not the kind that takes one's breath away,

but the kind that tears one's self away."

"My dad died and left me with no life coming through my eyes

and my mom's gone now too.

In those moments when I realize this,

my mind goes one way, but then my body refuses to own it,

and my insides are rupturing on the brink about to explode."

"But it's not what you think. It's pain and it's old.

A broken heart in a broken soul,

trying to escape."

"But my mind's a square peg and my body's a round hole.

If I had a broken bone or something visible,

I think people would be less critical.

But you have a broken spirit and the support, it's minimal.

And now I see the illusion,

an unexpected sunrise unraveled the confusion.

Wholeness happens in a flash

and it's not extraordinary because it lasts.

The beauty,

lives in that moment of accepting the past is the past."

Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt.

Thanks, Matt.

Hey, how are you?

You're okay.

It's okay.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

Yeah, it's okay.

Uh, ooh, it's okay, it's okay. Oh.

Oh, buddy.

All right, let's get the patient over here.

See what we're working with.

Come here.

Yeah, that's it, come here.

Come here. You know me. Come here. Come on.

Hi.

-See what we got here. -Yeah.

Whoa, buddy, what kind of voodoo doctor put this together?

I mean, it was the best I could do.

-You did this? -Yeah.

-Wow. -Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll show you what we got here.

-What is that? -It's the real deal, buddy.

-Yup'ik version of Neosporin and-- -Looks like pomade.

-Okay. -Yeah, it's the good stuff, man.

What exactly did the vet say?

Uh, he told me that, uh, he had gas get into his stomach and it flipped.

Yeah. That usually happens to big horses,

and... dogs about his size

and... pull dogs.

But, listen here, let's get you over here

'cause you need to learn how to do this.

Call him.

And you're sure this is okay?

Yes, he will let you know what he needs

and what he doesn't need.

Unlike you, he's not conditioned to hide the way he truly feels.

Okay.

-Yup'ik come. -Argh.

I need you to be here.

Here. Look around you.

I need you to be here with the mountains,

be here with the snow.

The relationship between human being and dog is ancient.

The pathway is there, he's just waiting for you to use it.

Yup'ik come.

-Here, take this. -All right.

Ah, see what you just did?

-Oh. -That is reflex.

I need you to be here.

Be here in this moment with this.

Now, I'm gonna do it again at the same tension, but just go with it.

- Stop staring at the lead, look at me.

Just go with it, be here.

Very good.

It needs to be from here.

Everything you do needs to be from here.

This is what your life is missing.

Try it again.

Yup'ik, come.

Good boy, hi, hi. Good boy.

Okay. That's so good.

Hey...

...come here. Come here. Slow,

gentle, gentle, gentle.

You knucklehead.

All right. Yeah, okay. Sit.

Good, good. Okay.

Okay, good. Yeah. Just watch yourself.

Okay, and what about this?

I'll need your signature.

Hey.

Hey, Yup'ik, I brought you something.

- Can I give him a treat? - Yeah.

I heard about your mom, I'm sorry.

Yeah, that was rough, um, thank you, thank you.

Uh, I'm, uh, sorry.

Um...

I was hurting a lot and I was so focused on me

and I, I don't know, I, I didn't listen to you... about the food.

I didn't listen to you about him.

That night, he got sick.

I just didn't listen and... I didn't care.

And I went after you.

You know, we're all just trying.

Yeah.

Look...

...I'm sorry that I pushed.

I've never been great at boundaries.

I, I don't want boundaries. I, I, I know boundaries are good for us, but...

...the truth is I don't know what's good for me.

But I think you are.

And I actually got this for... you.

For me? Mm.

So, you didn't reply to my text messages, which is fine, uh,

like I understand. Um,

I needed a way to apologize in person

and so this was my, my plan.

I thought it might inspire you in some way.

Can I give you a hug?

Definitely.

Mm.

I'm going home for a bit.

Because you have a ushanka now?

No, I miss the dogs.

But they'll love my new look.

Uh, Julie?

Yeah?

If, if...

...if I come out sometime can we go dog sledding?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Me too, me too.

Yeah, yeah.

-What's this? -It's everything I borrowed.

My one year of community college included a finance class,

so interest is included.

-Are you gonna have enough to live off of? -We'll make it work.

You use this for the pull.

Matt, I don't need it right now.

-I'm not gonna have him pull. -Why?

He's healed, I saw him out there.

He is, but I'm not.

And I was reckless with him before. I was an idiot.

And I'm overwhelmed.

Uh, you know what they say?

One day at a time.

Music to my ears.

The Pull's the day after the memorial, um anyway, so.

You need support at the service?

We're okay.

My, uh, mom and I had a complicated relationship,

This was the last letter that she wrote me...

...the day that she passed away.

"Dear Matt...

...I want you to know

it is so hard

to say what I have to say to you now...

...knowing this may be my last chance to do so.

I know it is hard for you to believe...

...but I love you...

...and have always loved you.

I remember when you were born..."

"...they brought you to me.

"I looked into your sparkling, weird little eyes

while I held you for the first time."

"They were overbrimming with light and life.

I love that line by Leonard Cohen, where he says...

...'Ring the bell that still can ring.

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack,

a crack in everything.

That's how the light gets in.'

You and your sister came to your father and me

miraculously to give us life.

And that will always remain somewhere where everything that matters happen."

"Love, Mom."

I never wanna do that again.

Well, a tree could fall

or we could have an earthquake.

-And there's no final success, so you can forget that. -Dad.

Argh, I gotta go to work.

Here's the thing...

...we don't leave things broken.

Matty.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

it's our first pull of the day and it's a great one.

Fifteen hundred pounds from our pit bull terrier, Sebastian,

let's add on another hundred pounds.

Next up, we have Yup'ik, our very own chihuahua.

Ladies and gentlemen, here we go.

Let's see what this little guy can do.

Okay, all right.

Come.

Yup'ik, come.

Good, good, yeah, yeah, come, come.

Mighty Mouse has done it, okay.

And it looks like our trio is down to two.

Up next, we have the Alaskan Assassin,

the Mighty, Mighty Mouse coming up.

If he pulls this off, he will be the first dog

under 50 pounds in our history to pull off 2,500 pounds.

Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik.

Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik,

Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik.

- Come on. - Yup'ik, Yup'ik, Yup'ik.

Okay, we have Sampson up, attempting a monstrous 2,600 pounds.

If he succeeds,

this will be the most weight pulled by a dog

in a competition in the last two years.

He is attempting to pull a walrus across the ice, folks.

Come on Sampson, good boy, good boy.

Come on, good boy. Come on, good boy.

Good boy. Come on, Sampson.

I don't believe it folks.

If Toothpick can pull 2,600 pounds,

he will be our new champion and record holder for the year.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, baby!

Ahh!

-Oh. -Thank you.

-I'm proud of you guys. -Thanks, man.

Woo-hoo, and you, Yup'ik, you did so good.

-You did so good. -He's a little diva now.

So, you gotta be, you gotta show respect. You know, when you see him.

- I didn't have a chicken to lick for him, but-- - Yeah, funny.

I'll see you guys back at the ranch?

Yeah, yeah, we--

It's a farm.

-It's not a farm bro. -You have chickens, man. What the fuck?

So, how does it feel?

Uh, pretty hard to describe.

You know, Yup'ik...

...means "Real person, one who comes into themselves."

Well, he, uh... he did that today.

So did you.

Julie, uh, told me to ask you about Nugget a while ago.

Oh, she did, huh?

Well... Emmett Peters,

his lead dog in the second Iditarod,

was a Siberian named Nugget.

She was 12 years old, pregnant, had cancer.

They broke the Iditarod record by six days.

She was the greatest sled dog ever.

And Emmett, that was my grandfather.

Well, Sampson, that dog you just beat,

he's Nugget's great, great, great grandson.

That's pretty epic, my friend.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

Matt,

I wanted to catch you

to say congratulations, in person.

-Yeah. -I'm sorry for what?

I, I need to tell you that,

that you were right about me.

-Stop. -No, you were.

We've all been through hard times.

We've all needed a break, man.

Yeah, and I also thought you should know

since you gave me so much shit

for my love of the metaphysical.

- It's weird, man. - Hey, hey.

I, I just wanted your ungrateful ass to know

that according to the Chinese Zodiac,

this is the year of the dog.

Wait, what? Wait are you serious?

If there is a cure for addiction,

it is someone you care for saying, "You're not alone...

...I love you."

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.

The opposite of addiction,

and maybe any suffering,

is connection...

...to yourself...

...to a passion...

...to a partner...

...or to a scrawny dog

with a sacred name.

Good, this is all in the realm of fun and games.

Sorry, guys, this is my first time hazing.

You did great.

One drunk away from, uh,

-losing that-- -One, one drink,

-one drink away from a drunk. -What?

- One-- - One drink

One drink away from a drunk.

Oh, excuse me, sorry.

Uh, why don't you have a drink with us?

-I'll just... -No, no, come have a drink.

-That's really a good-looking dog, like is, is-- yeah. -Yeah, he's so cute.

-Mm. -Mm.

-What, wha-- what's his name? Oh, my God. -Oh, my God.

That's a cute dog. My God.

- It's Yup'ik. - Yup'ik?

- Yeah. - Like toothpick?

You pick that yourself?

- That's okay, sit. - Then, he walks off.

-Okay, look now. -You're so good.

I'll take the plates and, and if you would like,

-I'll, I'll wrap them up here and, and, we'll-- -I'll help you clear.

Um, at this time I'd like to...

...offer the podium to anyone who'd like to come share?

- Yeah, lay down in the grass. -That's so good.

That's so good, you're so good. You're so good.

Yeah, yeah. I know.