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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,349 --> 00:00:05,729 INGRID BERGMAN: You're saying this only to make me go. 2 00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:07,800 HUMPHREY BOGART: I'm saying it because it's true. 3 00:00:07,938 --> 00:00:09,871 Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,839 INGRID: What about us? 5 00:00:11,977 --> 00:00:13,496 HUMPHREY: We'll always have Paris. 6 00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:16,809 We didn't have... We lost it until you came to Casablanca. 7 00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:18,570 We got it back last night. 8 00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,642 Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, 9 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:24,162 but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people 10 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,888 don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. 11 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,719 Someday you'll understand that. 12 00:00:29,857 --> 00:00:31,514 [MUSIC SWELLS] 13 00:00:31,652 --> 00:00:32,791 Now, now... 14 00:00:35,138 --> 00:00:36,588 Here's looking at you, kid. 15 00:00:40,005 --> 00:00:41,558 Can I get you something, Jamie? 16 00:00:41,696 --> 00:00:43,043 No, thanks, Bobby. I'm fine. 17 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:48,634 A little more popcorn? 18 00:00:48,772 --> 00:00:51,258 No, uh, two kilos, that's pretty much my limit. 19 00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:53,053 Okay. 20 00:00:53,191 --> 00:00:54,226 But if you do need something, 21 00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:56,125 you'll let me know, though, right? 22 00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:57,264 I promise I will. 23 00:00:57,402 --> 00:00:58,403 Great. 24 00:01:04,271 --> 00:01:06,721 Bobby. Oh, sorry. Sorry. 25 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:07,964 CLAUDE RAINS: It might be a good idea for you 26 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,414 to disappear from Casablanca for a while. 27 00:01:09,552 --> 00:01:11,209 Maybe some water. Water'd be great. 28 00:01:11,347 --> 00:01:12,382 Oh, great. Great. 29 00:01:14,936 --> 00:01:16,110 Sorry about my brother. 30 00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:18,423 I don't know. I mean you're out to here, 31 00:01:18,561 --> 00:01:20,528 not to mention the fact that you're married. 32 00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:22,427 And you've got an 18-year-old kid fawning over you. 33 00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,531 Does that bother you? 34 00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:24,705 I wish it did. 35 00:01:26,051 --> 00:01:27,880 Hey, hey, hey, shh! 36 00:01:28,018 --> 00:01:31,401 Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 37 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,337 Oh, here's your water. Hmm, ah, 38 00:01:36,475 --> 00:01:37,994 my goodness gracious. Look at that. 39 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,754 Yeah, I found it. I understand. 40 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:40,893 Yeah. 41 00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:43,965 Thank you. 42 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,347 You know what? I actually have to go. 43 00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:47,831 Boy, you'd think 44 00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:49,419 getting off a couch would be easy, wouldn't you? 45 00:01:49,557 --> 00:01:51,214 But it just isn't. 46 00:01:51,352 --> 00:01:52,905 Then there's the whole fiasco of bending. 47 00:01:53,043 --> 00:01:54,252 Oh, I got it. I got it. 48 00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:57,876 Thank you, Bobby. 49 00:01:58,014 --> 00:01:59,774 You're much more than welcome. 50 00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,707 Very nice to meet everyone. ALL: Good night. 51 00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:04,779 Thanks for inviting me and remembering it's my favorite movie. 52 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,333 You're welcome. 53 00:02:06,471 --> 00:02:08,128 Hey, I remember when you first watched it with Paul, 54 00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:09,301 your husband. 55 00:02:09,439 --> 00:02:10,820 I was really glad to meet you, Jamie. 56 00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:12,097 Take care, Bobby. 57 00:02:12,235 --> 00:02:13,892 I hope we can meet again sometime. Okay. 58 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:15,342 You know, maybe Lisa will have everybody over 59 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,275 to watch another movie or something. 60 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:18,931 Okay. 61 00:02:19,069 --> 00:02:21,037 Or maybe we'll just run into each other at a social function. 62 00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:24,144 Okay. Or maybe we'll just happen to meet on the street. 63 00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:25,248 Okay. 64 00:02:25,386 --> 00:02:26,905 So until then, Jamie... 65 00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:29,010 ALL: Okay! 66 00:02:33,532 --> 00:02:37,329 He was so sweet and little. It was just adorable. 67 00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:39,607 Mmm, yeah, he sounds very sweet and very little. 68 00:02:39,745 --> 00:02:41,230 Okay, I have a question for you. 69 00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:42,955 If you had to choose... I'm just saying 70 00:02:43,093 --> 00:02:44,612 I, apparently, am still a babe. 71 00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:47,374 I never said you were not a babe. 72 00:02:47,512 --> 00:02:48,789 All right, here's my question. 73 00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:50,342 If you had to decide today, 74 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,931 who would you select to be the guardian of said child 75 00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:55,934 in the event that we were both killed, maimed, or other. 76 00:02:56,072 --> 00:02:57,591 Wait, wait, wait. What happened there? 77 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:58,971 I spoke to this lawyer this morning, 78 00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:01,215 and he says we have to select a guardian. 79 00:03:01,353 --> 00:03:02,699 Now? 80 00:03:02,837 --> 00:03:04,218 Well, if we do it after we're dead, 81 00:03:04,356 --> 00:03:05,633 it'll just be so much harder. 82 00:03:07,739 --> 00:03:09,189 Wow. Guardians. 83 00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:10,293 Yeah. 84 00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:12,330 Weird, huh? 85 00:03:12,468 --> 00:03:13,848 Yeah. 86 00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:14,953 So who do you think? 87 00:03:15,091 --> 00:03:16,196 I don't wanna think. 88 00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:17,576 Ira? 89 00:03:18,922 --> 00:03:19,958 Ira? 90 00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:23,168 Why not? He needs a guardian. 91 00:03:24,963 --> 00:03:27,483 Okay. Lisa? 92 00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:29,726 And that would be what, just to mock the whole idea of a guardian? 93 00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:31,245 All right. 94 00:03:31,383 --> 00:03:33,074 I think it... It should be a couple. 95 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,145 I think it should, too. I think it should be Mark and Fran. 96 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,079 Are you sure that's wise? 97 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,909 Why not? They're wonderful parents. 98 00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:41,566 Their kid's a sociopath. 99 00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:43,257 We're not sure that's their fault. 100 00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:46,778 Must we stay up nights wondering? 101 00:03:47,641 --> 00:03:49,090 They're our best friends. 102 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,679 Yeah, but I... I feel us drifting. 103 00:03:51,817 --> 00:03:54,130 Plus we are Ryan's guardians. 104 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:57,237 I'm sure Fran is sitting there waiting for us to ask her. 105 00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,204 You and me are Ryan's guardians? 106 00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:01,551 You knew that. 107 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:04,623 We said yes years ago, but we didn't mean anything by it. 108 00:04:06,315 --> 00:04:07,661 [DOORBELL BUZZES] 109 00:04:07,799 --> 00:04:10,180 The point is, should anything happen to Mark and Fran, 110 00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:11,872 we are Ryan's parents. 111 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,219 Oh, boy. Honey, we gotta do everything we can 112 00:04:14,357 --> 00:04:16,152 to keep them alive. 113 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,740 Hey, Oscar, what's going on? 114 00:04:17,878 --> 00:04:18,879 This came. 115 00:04:20,121 --> 00:04:21,606 Oh, great, thanks. It's for you. 116 00:04:21,744 --> 00:04:22,745 Here, let me... 117 00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:23,953 A little something... 118 00:04:24,091 --> 00:04:25,955 Thank you so much. Here. 119 00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:27,128 Okay? 120 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:33,790 Okay. 121 00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:37,932 I just always feel like I'm disappointing him. 122 00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:39,417 [LAUGHS] 123 00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:40,521 What's that? 124 00:04:41,557 --> 00:04:42,799 "To Jamie, this could be 125 00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:44,491 "the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 126 00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:45,768 "Love, Bobby." Mmm-hmm. 127 00:04:45,906 --> 00:04:47,114 Look in the envelope. 128 00:04:47,252 --> 00:04:48,184 Popcorn. 129 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,323 You know why? 130 00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,807 'Cause you saw the movie last night. 131 00:04:50,945 --> 00:04:52,361 You know why else? 'Cause you're still a babe? 132 00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:53,465 Mmm-hmm. I see. 133 00:05:03,717 --> 00:05:04,683 There's Fran. 134 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,892 Hi! Hi! 135 00:05:08,273 --> 00:05:09,205 Hey. 136 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,587 How you been? Fine. How've you been? 137 00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:12,864 Fine. 138 00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,141 It's nice to see you. 139 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,005 Yeah. Who are you? 140 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:19,146 You don't remember us? 141 00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:21,700 Um... Oh. 142 00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,599 Oh... No. 143 00:05:24,979 --> 00:05:27,257 Ha! We sure remember you. 144 00:05:27,396 --> 00:05:30,088 Good! Okay. Hi, then. Hi! 145 00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:32,953 Yeah, boy, we haven't seen you around here in ages. 146 00:05:33,091 --> 00:05:34,955 Yeah, I got thrown out of my apartment. 147 00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:37,302 Oh. Where've you been staying? 148 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,407 With friends. 149 00:05:40,063 --> 00:05:41,306 You got thrown out of your apartment? 150 00:05:41,444 --> 00:05:43,757 I bet therein lies a tale, huh? 151 00:05:43,895 --> 00:05:44,861 What do you mean? 152 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:46,829 No, I just said it like... 153 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:48,762 Like there's a long story there. 154 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:49,935 No. 155 00:05:52,282 --> 00:05:54,250 Okay, okay. 156 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,632 You know what? That's our friend, so we're just gonna go. 157 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,254 Okay. You're leaving? 158 00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,429 No. No, we're just gonna go right over here. With our friend. 159 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,292 Oh, okay. Nice meeting you. 160 00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:05,226 Is it us? 161 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,573 No. No. 162 00:06:06,711 --> 00:06:07,677 Hi. Hi. 163 00:06:07,815 --> 00:06:08,989 Who's on the phone? Mark. 164 00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:10,231 Hi, Mark. Hi, Mark. 165 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,543 MARK: [SHOUTS] Hiya, guys. Listen, 166 00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:12,820 tell them I'm sorry I couldn't be there. 167 00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:14,443 He's sorry he can't be here. 168 00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:16,168 Tell them I just couldn't get away. 169 00:06:16,306 --> 00:06:17,653 He says he just couldn't get away. 170 00:06:17,791 --> 00:06:19,482 Fran... We actually can hear him. 171 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:20,966 Oh. [CHUCKLES] 172 00:06:21,104 --> 00:06:23,762 God bless, Mark, never a soft-spoken fella. 173 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,006 So, James, tell me... How ya feeling? 174 00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:29,665 Is it bad that my hands are swollen seven times their usual size? 175 00:06:29,803 --> 00:06:31,598 Comes with the territory. 176 00:06:31,736 --> 00:06:33,496 So, guys, what's going on? What did you wanna talk to us about? 177 00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:35,464 Mark, honey, I'm gonna put you down. 178 00:06:35,602 --> 00:06:38,259 Okay. Order me the soup! They got a minimum. 179 00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,470 Always thinking. So... 180 00:06:41,608 --> 00:06:43,023 What's going on? 181 00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:45,543 Uh, why don't we order first, and then we'll tell ya. 182 00:06:45,681 --> 00:06:46,923 [SIGHS] Are you pregnant? 183 00:06:47,061 --> 00:06:48,235 Yes, I am. 184 00:06:48,373 --> 00:06:49,685 Okay, I'm gonna get you a booster seat. 185 00:06:52,964 --> 00:06:54,068 Uh, or I can tell you now. 186 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,656 MARK: What's up? Um... 187 00:06:55,794 --> 00:06:57,417 Okay, here's the thing. 188 00:06:57,555 --> 00:06:58,728 We, uh... 189 00:06:58,866 --> 00:07:00,696 It's... My heart's beating a mile a minute. 190 00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,352 Well, it's a very emotional thing. 191 00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:04,803 What is it?Tell us, tell us. 192 00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:06,287 Okay. Um... 193 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,289 You guys know how much we love you. 194 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,636 Yeah, yeah... 195 00:07:09,774 --> 00:07:11,465 You're our best friends. You really are. 196 00:07:11,603 --> 00:07:13,087 Yeah, yeah... 197 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,504 I'm so happy about this. I really am, too. 198 00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:17,195 Okay. Fran... 199 00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:18,576 Mark... 200 00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:20,060 Would you be 201 00:07:20,198 --> 00:07:22,200 the guardians of our child? 202 00:07:23,995 --> 00:07:24,996 No. 203 00:07:25,893 --> 00:07:28,689 I'm sorry. You heard her. No. 204 00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:32,210 [SIGHS] I mean, thank you, and we're flattered, 205 00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:33,314 but... No. 206 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,006 Absolutely not. 207 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:36,386 No? 208 00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:37,802 You're saying, no? 209 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,631 Okay, here is your fettuccine. 210 00:07:41,944 --> 00:07:42,979 Paul, we would like to do it. 211 00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:45,050 We really would, but we just can't. 212 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:47,467 Why not? We're already guardians to, what is it, Fran... 213 00:07:47,605 --> 00:07:48,916 Like six kids already. 214 00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:50,608 We are so potentially overbooked. 215 00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:51,712 It's incredible. 216 00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:52,782 "Overbooked?" 217 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,474 The thing is... The thing is, 218 00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:56,579 it's a very big responsibility! 219 00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:59,858 You... You have to get to know the child intimately. 220 00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,515 [STAMMERS] You have to... 221 00:08:01,653 --> 00:08:04,242 You have to foster a special relationship with the child... 222 00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:06,244 And your child and that child, 223 00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:07,866 they have to get along... 224 00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:09,454 They have to get along like... They gotta get along like 225 00:08:09,592 --> 00:08:10,904 brother and sister! Am I right, Fran? 226 00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:12,561 Am I right? Hello! [PHONE BUZZING] 227 00:08:12,699 --> 00:08:14,942 You're right. I'm going into the tunnel! 228 00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:18,739 First of all, it's not such a big responsibility. 229 00:08:18,877 --> 00:08:21,190 We are guardians to, like, 30 kids. 230 00:08:21,328 --> 00:08:23,503 Believe me, it means nothing. Nothing? 231 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:25,401 You're our kid's guardians, for crying out loud. 232 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,748 Yes, okay, Mark, I know, but, come on, let's be honest, 233 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:30,510 what are the chances? I can't believe you're saying no. 234 00:08:30,648 --> 00:08:33,443 Is it our fault that you're having children relatively late in life? 235 00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:34,755 That was uncalled for. 236 00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,170 Our dance card is full! 237 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,551 Your "Dance card?" 238 00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:39,449 Well, maybe we have to rethink 239 00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:42,349 whether or not we want Ryan on our dance card. 240 00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:45,732 What's the difference, since you think it means nothing anyway? 241 00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:47,423 Fine. Get up, Frannie. 242 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,563 Pick me up. Walk away from the table. 243 00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:51,634 Hey! You don't walk away from me, buddy. Put me down! 244 00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:52,704 Let me go, Paul! 245 00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,050 Put me down! Paul, put me down! 246 00:08:54,188 --> 00:08:55,707 Fine! 247 00:08:55,845 --> 00:08:56,674 Consider yourself no longer Ryan's guardians. 248 00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:57,744 Fine! Good! 249 00:08:57,882 --> 00:08:59,021 We're better off. So are we. 250 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,712 Frannie, walk away. Just walk away. 251 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,921 I refuse to eat with these people. 252 00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:04,716 Fine. Walk away. 253 00:09:04,854 --> 00:09:06,511 And also, since we don't have to take care of the kid, 254 00:09:06,649 --> 00:09:07,754 you can drop dead now. 255 00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:10,826 I thought the guy on the phone wanted soup. 256 00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:25,150 I can't believe Mark and Fran would turn us down. 257 00:09:25,288 --> 00:09:26,462 You think you know people. 258 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,981 Can I just say my ring finger 259 00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,017 is now the thickness of a small banana? 260 00:09:31,432 --> 00:09:33,055 Which leads us to our next question, 261 00:09:33,193 --> 00:09:34,194 who's our second choice? 262 00:09:34,332 --> 00:09:35,333 Oh, boy... 263 00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:37,128 Your parents? 264 00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:40,234 I just can't do that to my child. 265 00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:42,823 All right. Okay. 266 00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:44,273 I think Joan and Debbie. 267 00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:46,620 Do you think that's wise? 268 00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,830 You gonna say that every time? 269 00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:51,625 No, I think it's a great idea. 270 00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:52,730 I just thought... 271 00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:54,594 I'm not so sure it's a good idea. 272 00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:56,319 Why? You mean because they're lesbians? 273 00:09:56,457 --> 00:09:59,288 No. No, I mean because you know, there'd... 274 00:09:59,426 --> 00:10:01,842 There'd be no man in the couple. 275 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,155 Which I understand that's the whole point of lesbians, 276 00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:05,846 yes, but still... 277 00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:09,056 I think Joan and Debbie would make fantastic parents. 278 00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:10,989 Hey, listen, I don't argue. I think they'd be great. 279 00:10:11,127 --> 00:10:13,060 Much better parents than Mark and Fran. 280 00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:14,683 Mark and Fran, 281 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,720 I wouldn't let them watch my goldfish for the weekend. 282 00:10:17,858 --> 00:10:19,342 [DOORBELL BUZZES] 283 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,481 Oh! Got it. 284 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,207 That's so funny. My ring... 285 00:10:22,345 --> 00:10:24,865 Comes off like that. [SNAPS FINGERS] How do you know? 286 00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:26,971 Huh? I take it off when I go out to meet girls. 287 00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:30,630 Hi, Oscar. What's... What's up? 288 00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:31,941 These came. 289 00:10:32,079 --> 00:10:34,219 Oh, okay, well, just... Great, here you go, there. 290 00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:35,945 All right? 291 00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:45,679 Just tell me what I can do, Oscar. 292 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:47,094 Tell me what I can do. 293 00:10:47,232 --> 00:10:49,131 Let me see, let me see. 294 00:10:49,269 --> 00:10:50,304 It's something. 295 00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:53,549 [LAUGHS] 296 00:10:55,068 --> 00:10:56,863 [READING] 297 00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:58,727 "...You belong with Bobby Rubenfeld." 298 00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,694 That is hilarious. 299 00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:02,731 That's the guy? Uh-huh. 300 00:11:02,869 --> 00:11:03,870 Actual size? 301 00:11:06,735 --> 00:11:08,391 Jealous? A little jealous? 302 00:11:08,529 --> 00:11:09,738 A little tiny bit jealous? 303 00:11:11,498 --> 00:11:12,879 Not really. Why not? 304 00:11:13,017 --> 00:11:14,777 I'm looking at Bugsy Malone there. 305 00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:16,917 What does that card say? 306 00:11:17,055 --> 00:11:19,092 "Here's your crappy saucepan from the dinner party 307 00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:20,680 "that time. Don't ever call us again. 308 00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,164 "Mark and Fran." 309 00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:23,683 Mine's better. Yes. 310 00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:33,416 Yeah, and then last year I got my heart broken twice by three guys. 311 00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:35,764 For a total of six? 312 00:11:35,902 --> 00:11:36,834 Huh? 313 00:11:36,972 --> 00:11:38,698 Twice by three guys. 314 00:11:38,836 --> 00:11:41,010 No, a total of twice. 315 00:11:41,148 --> 00:11:43,392 All right, so once was by two guys? 316 00:11:43,530 --> 00:11:45,981 No, twice by three guys. 317 00:11:46,119 --> 00:11:47,707 Right, but of that twice by three guys, 318 00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:49,916 once by one guy and once by two guys? 319 00:11:50,054 --> 00:11:51,745 No, the second time was one guy. 320 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,026 Okay, so one... 321 00:11:57,164 --> 00:11:58,131 One time was by one guy, 322 00:11:58,269 --> 00:11:59,511 and the second time was by one guy? 323 00:11:59,649 --> 00:12:00,616 Uh-huh. 324 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,480 So that's a total of two guys. 325 00:12:02,618 --> 00:12:03,619 Uh-huh. 326 00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:06,104 So then who was the third guy? 327 00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,657 Yeah, my friend Walter. 328 00:12:10,143 --> 00:12:11,592 He didn't break your heart? 329 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,146 No, but he was around. 330 00:12:13,284 --> 00:12:14,975 I see. Okay. 331 00:12:15,113 --> 00:12:16,114 Hi, guys. 332 00:12:16,252 --> 00:12:18,392 Hi! Hiya, Joanie. 333 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,153 Hello. Hello! 334 00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:22,189 Would, um, would you like to start with a drink? 335 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:23,397 Uh, Chianti, please. 336 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,640 I'll have the same. Sparkling water. 337 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,746 Uh, a beer. Whatever you got. 338 00:12:26,884 --> 00:12:28,264 Okay, why don't I give you a little time. 339 00:12:31,647 --> 00:12:32,717 Thanks for coming. 340 00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:34,339 Oh, it's our pleasure. What's up? 341 00:12:34,477 --> 00:12:35,513 Well, here's the thing. 342 00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:38,309 Um, first, we want you to know how much 343 00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:39,448 we both love you. 344 00:12:39,586 --> 00:12:41,415 JAMIE: We really do love you so much. 345 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,176 And, you know, really, I mean, 346 00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:45,005 I... I would have to say at this point you are our best friends. 347 00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:46,386 It's true. BOTH: Oh... 348 00:12:47,387 --> 00:12:49,078 Um... Okay, well... 349 00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:50,700 You know we're gonna have a baby soon. 350 00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:53,255 Oh, this is why you've been coming to the office so much. 351 00:12:53,393 --> 00:12:54,325 Yes. Yes, exactly. 352 00:12:54,463 --> 00:12:55,567 Ah-ha! 353 00:12:55,705 --> 00:12:58,536 Well, would you be 354 00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:00,538 the guardians of that child? 355 00:13:01,435 --> 00:13:02,402 We have to go. 356 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:03,541 PAUL: What? 357 00:13:04,611 --> 00:13:05,957 Just don't ask, Paul, please. 358 00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:07,787 It's a little bit of a sore subject. 359 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,927 It's not gonna be any less sore later. 360 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:11,894 Could we not do this in a bar and grill? 361 00:13:12,032 --> 00:13:14,069 What... We didn't mean to say anything. I don't know what... 362 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:15,587 Okay... Here we go. 363 00:13:15,725 --> 00:13:17,003 Diet Pepsi... 364 00:13:17,141 --> 00:13:18,867 And chocolate shake, 365 00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:19,971 mochaccino. 366 00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:21,662 Two eggs over easy. Uh, Miss... 367 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,285 Simmer down. The bacon's right here. 368 00:13:25,494 --> 00:13:27,116 Your sister doesn't wanna have any more children. 369 00:13:27,254 --> 00:13:28,946 I don't wanna be a parent again. 370 00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:31,534 JOAN: Why not? Look, you don't understand, okay? 371 00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,502 You're through with the baby the day it's born. 372 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,607 Believe me, there's a lot more work after that. 373 00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:37,195 Everybody, let's calm down. 374 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:38,818 Listen. Listen. We're not asking you to be the parents. 375 00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:40,302 Yes, you are. Yes, we are. 376 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,890 Well, yes, okay, but... 377 00:13:42,028 --> 00:13:43,270 Realistically, what are the chances? 378 00:13:43,408 --> 00:13:44,754 Will you excuse me please? 379 00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:47,171 I'm sorry, Jamie, and I'm sorry, Paul, 380 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:49,035 but this is just the way it's gonna have to be. 381 00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:50,312 You know what? It's the lunch rush. 382 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:51,865 I'm doing the best I can. 383 00:13:59,493 --> 00:14:01,564 Uncle Phil? No. 384 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,052 Aunt Blossom? No. 385 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:08,848 Nat? 386 00:14:10,228 --> 00:14:12,748 You know, the sad thing is I'm only half kidding. 387 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,130 At least with Nat, you'd know the child would be walked. 388 00:14:16,131 --> 00:14:17,995 It certainly would. 389 00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,513 Do you know what I'm realizing? 390 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:20,860 We don't have so many friends. 391 00:14:20,998 --> 00:14:22,137 I know. 392 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:24,242 Why is that? We used to have friends, didn't we? 393 00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:27,245 We did. So where'd they go? 394 00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:29,454 Like Selby. What the hell happened to him? 395 00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:32,526 Please don't call him. 396 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,115 All right. All right. 397 00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:36,979 I think we both know who it has to be. 398 00:14:38,947 --> 00:14:40,914 PAUL: Hey, Mom, Pop... 399 00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:42,502 Um... 400 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,850 You know the esteem in which we hold you. 401 00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:48,749 And... And at the end of the day, 402 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:53,720 you two are as fine a couple of people as we still talk to. 403 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:55,446 What is this? 404 00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,344 What do you want? 405 00:14:57,482 --> 00:14:59,484 Where is that dippy girl with my soup? 406 00:14:59,622 --> 00:15:01,245 Okay, okay. Um... 407 00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:02,832 What we want is 408 00:15:02,971 --> 00:15:07,182 for you to be the guardians of our child. 409 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,253 In case something should ever happen to us, at least... 410 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,324 [SPITTING] Don't even mention such a thing. 411 00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:13,533 No, I know it's not the most pleasant of prospects... 412 00:15:13,671 --> 00:15:14,706 What's the matter with you, 413 00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,294 tempting the fates with talk like that? 414 00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:19,056 Tempting the fates? We ju... Stop it! Stop the talking! 415 00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:20,540 No, we're just trying to protect ourselv... 416 00:15:20,678 --> 00:15:22,680 [BOTH SHOUTING GIBBERISH] 417 00:15:22,818 --> 00:15:24,233 What are you... You're gonna hurt yourselves, there. 418 00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:26,442 We just don't want our child to be all alone in the world. 419 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,375 My God, cut it out! What's wrong with you? 420 00:15:28,513 --> 00:15:30,446 No... I will not have this conversation! 421 00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:32,310 If we die, we need... [SPITTING] 422 00:15:32,448 --> 00:15:34,588 In case, God forbid, someth... Don't you dare. [SPITTING] 423 00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:35,693 Say another word about it. 424 00:15:35,831 --> 00:15:36,832 [SPITTING] 425 00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:40,042 [CONTINUES SPITTING] 426 00:15:40,767 --> 00:15:42,355 She's so funny. 427 00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:48,740 Well, this is the lesson. 428 00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:51,398 A surprising number of people, when the chips are down, 429 00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:53,366 cannot be relied upon. 430 00:15:53,504 --> 00:15:56,369 When the chips are up, fine. But otherwise... 431 00:15:56,507 --> 00:15:59,959 Which is why you and I, we have to cling to each other like monkeys. 432 00:16:00,097 --> 00:16:01,305 What do we do now? 433 00:16:01,443 --> 00:16:03,376 I don't know. We... We approach total strangers. 434 00:16:03,514 --> 00:16:05,378 All right, how about this guy? Paul. 435 00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:07,104 Excuse me, sir. Sir... 436 00:16:07,242 --> 00:16:08,588 How would you like to be the guardian of our forthcoming child? 437 00:16:08,726 --> 00:16:10,831 I don't know Philadelphia. I don't know. 438 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:12,557 Proud of yourself now? 439 00:16:12,695 --> 00:16:14,042 I took a shot. 440 00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:15,250 [CAR HORNS BLARING] 441 00:16:15,388 --> 00:16:16,354 What is this? 442 00:16:16,492 --> 00:16:17,873 [HONKING] 443 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,737 Right in front of our building. 444 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,981 I hope nothing gruesome happened. 445 00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:24,052 I think Mrs. Kendle went out naked again. 446 00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:26,088 JAMIE: Excuse us. 447 00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:27,710 PAUL: Excuse me. 448 00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:30,437 JAMIE: Oh, my God. 449 00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:32,094 Jamie! Over here! 450 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:36,098 ♪ You must remember this 451 00:16:37,341 --> 00:16:40,861 ♪ A kiss is just a kiss 452 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,520 ♪ A sigh is just a sigh 453 00:16:44,658 --> 00:16:45,728 Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi. 454 00:16:45,866 --> 00:16:47,247 He's got a lot of clothes, this kid. 455 00:16:47,385 --> 00:16:51,596 ♪ The fundamental things apply 456 00:16:51,734 --> 00:16:55,152 ♪ As time goes by 457 00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,877 Bobby. I understand. Heh. 458 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:00,088 ♪ And when two lovers woo 459 00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:03,677 ♪ They still say, I love you 460 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,095 ♪ On that you can rely 461 00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:09,166 Is this her? Yes. 462 00:17:09,304 --> 00:17:11,616 She's maybe a little bit old for him. 463 00:17:11,754 --> 00:17:14,067 Yeah, and a sit-up wouldn't kill her. 464 00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:16,828 Oh, but she's so beautiful. 465 00:17:16,966 --> 00:17:18,727 This is a nice story. 466 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:23,145 ♪ No matter what the future brings 467 00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:27,598 ♪ As time goes by ♪ 468 00:17:27,736 --> 00:17:28,944 Will you excuse me for one minute? 469 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,049 Oh, sure. 470 00:17:31,222 --> 00:17:33,017 I'm very happy for you. 471 00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,433 Thank you. Here's my advice, 472 00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,608 always get up from the dinner table 473 00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:40,059 still wanting a little something. 474 00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:42,164 Thank you... So much. 475 00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:48,584 All right, Bobby. Knock it off. 476 00:17:48,722 --> 00:17:52,381 ♪ It's still the same old story 477 00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:55,281 ♪ A fight for love and glory ♪ 478 00:17:55,419 --> 00:17:56,385 I said knock it off. 479 00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:58,456 [BAND STOPS] 480 00:17:58,594 --> 00:17:59,561 Bobby... 481 00:17:59,699 --> 00:18:00,596 Listen to me... Hi, Jamie. 482 00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:01,770 Hi. 483 00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:02,909 Hey, where's your ring? 484 00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:05,601 No, no, no. You see, 485 00:18:05,739 --> 00:18:07,016 I had to take it off because my fingers... 486 00:18:07,155 --> 00:18:08,432 Two, three, four. Were swelling. 487 00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:10,951 ♪ A case of do or die ♪ 488 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,091 Bobby. 489 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,093 [BAND STOPS] 490 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:16,336 Jamie. 491 00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:17,820 Bobby, you have to stop. 492 00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,098 I do? 493 00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:20,892 Yes. You do. 494 00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:23,032 You're a very, very sweet... 495 00:18:23,171 --> 00:18:25,725 You're a very sweet person, but... 496 00:18:25,863 --> 00:18:27,899 For one thing, I'm much too old for you. 497 00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:30,005 Oh, Jamie, I don't care about that. 498 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,351 Do you understand? Lyndon Johnson 499 00:18:31,489 --> 00:18:32,870 was president when I was born. 500 00:18:33,008 --> 00:18:34,251 [LAUGHS] So? 501 00:18:34,389 --> 00:18:36,529 There were 43 states in the union. 502 00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,047 So? 503 00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:41,465 The word for fire was "Ga." 504 00:18:41,603 --> 00:18:44,053 Jamie, I get it, but I don't care. 505 00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:46,435 That's very sweet, Bobby, and very flattering, 506 00:18:46,573 --> 00:18:48,161 but, as you know, I'm married. 507 00:18:48,299 --> 00:18:49,266 ALL: Oh! 508 00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:54,305 Hiya. Uh, let me say hello. 509 00:18:54,443 --> 00:18:55,996 I'm Paul, the husband. 510 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,239 ALL: Oh! 511 00:18:58,206 --> 00:18:59,241 Hi, Paul. 512 00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:00,415 I'm Bobby. Bobby. 513 00:19:00,553 --> 00:19:01,864 And I'm in love with your wife. 514 00:19:02,002 --> 00:19:03,418 ALL: Oh! 515 00:19:04,488 --> 00:19:06,593 Okay, Bobby, as you also know, 516 00:19:06,731 --> 00:19:09,286 I'm pregnant, and I'm gonna have a baby in about 10 minutes. 517 00:19:09,424 --> 00:19:11,080 ALL: Oh! 518 00:19:11,219 --> 00:19:13,290 Well, this sure turned ugly. 519 00:19:14,222 --> 00:19:15,568 And, by the way, the baby, 520 00:19:15,706 --> 00:19:17,225 also in large part due to me... 521 00:19:17,363 --> 00:19:19,261 Paul, the husband. Bobby... 522 00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:21,021 Jamie, I don't care about any of that. 523 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,230 You're awesome. 524 00:19:22,368 --> 00:19:23,645 And that's all that matters. 525 00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:25,060 I'm disgusted. 526 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,337 Slut! 527 00:19:26,475 --> 00:19:28,063 Sicko! 528 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,409 What are you hitting me for? 529 00:19:29,547 --> 00:19:31,929 How can you let a situation like this fester? 530 00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,034 I'm not really comfortable here anymore. 531 00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:38,970 [INDISTINCT CHATTERING] 532 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,356 Bobby... 533 00:19:45,494 --> 00:19:46,564 The thing is... 534 00:19:47,496 --> 00:19:48,739 I'm taken. 535 00:19:50,499 --> 00:19:51,569 Okay. 536 00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:53,985 I'm sorry. 537 00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:55,918 You know... [SIGHS] 538 00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:57,541 You know, the thing is if... 539 00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:00,716 If we weren't just so happily married... Believe me. 540 00:20:00,854 --> 00:20:02,270 It's okay. I understand. 541 00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:04,927 Pack it up, fellas. 542 00:20:05,065 --> 00:20:06,343 ALL: Aw! 543 00:20:10,036 --> 00:20:12,314 God, this was so expensive. 544 00:20:12,452 --> 00:20:13,695 What did you do? 'Cause I'm fascinated. 545 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,317 Did you hire the whole band here? 546 00:20:15,455 --> 00:20:17,526 Bobby, are you gonna be okay? 547 00:20:17,664 --> 00:20:19,528 Yeah, you know, I'll borrow from my Dad. 548 00:20:19,666 --> 00:20:23,394 No, no, no. I mean, are you gonna be okay... Here? 549 00:20:24,637 --> 00:20:26,742 What's the difference? 550 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,365 I mean, the problems of three little people 551 00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:30,919 don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. 552 00:20:33,301 --> 00:20:34,716 Here's looking... Bobby. 553 00:20:35,613 --> 00:20:36,683 I'm going, I'm going. 554 00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:38,789 [AS TIME GOES BYPLAYS] 555 00:20:43,897 --> 00:20:45,416 Why don't you ever say stuff like that? 556 00:20:45,554 --> 00:20:48,177 I do. I don't hire a band, but I say it. 557 00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:50,249 DEBBIE AND JOAN: Hi! 558 00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:52,181 Oh, we were coming to see you. 559 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,528 What's up? 560 00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,702 Well, we did some talking. A little talking. 561 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,947 And we decided we're really sorry about what happened before. 562 00:20:59,085 --> 00:21:00,397 Very sorry. 563 00:21:00,535 --> 00:21:02,019 We were going through some stuff... Little stuff. 564 00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:04,815 And we changed our minds. Big change. 565 00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:07,369 So we would like to be your baby's guardians... 566 00:21:07,507 --> 00:21:08,853 Very much. If that's okay with you. 567 00:21:08,991 --> 00:21:10,096 Oh, what, are you kidding? 568 00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:12,029 It's extremely okay with us. 569 00:21:12,167 --> 00:21:13,893 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 570 00:21:14,031 --> 00:21:15,860 Oh, I'm so relieved. Joan, thank you, 571 00:21:15,998 --> 00:21:17,552 thank you, thank you. 572 00:21:17,690 --> 00:21:19,070 FRAN: Hi, you guys! 573 00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:20,140 Hi. Hi. 574 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,660 Listen, Mark and I want to apologize. 575 00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,042 MARK: We do! We really, really, really do! 576 00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:26,077 You know Joan, don't you? 577 00:21:26,215 --> 00:21:27,251 Yeah, one minute, one minute. 578 00:21:27,389 --> 00:21:28,977 Just, just, just let me get this out. 579 00:21:29,115 --> 00:21:30,427 Mark and I feel terrible. 580 00:21:30,565 --> 00:21:31,876 And of course you know Paul's sister Debbie. Yeah. 581 00:21:32,014 --> 00:21:33,533 We didn't know what we were saying. 582 00:21:33,671 --> 00:21:35,984 We were myopic is what we were. 583 00:21:36,122 --> 00:21:38,297 MARK: Totally myopic and crazy. 584 00:21:38,435 --> 00:21:40,333 We are really, really sorry. 585 00:21:40,471 --> 00:21:42,922 We would love to be your child's guardian. 586 00:21:45,752 --> 00:21:47,892 Boy, uh, what would be the right thing to say now? 587 00:21:48,030 --> 00:21:50,688 I just couldn't possibly be more uncomfortable. 588 00:21:50,826 --> 00:21:52,241 Hi! Hi! 589 00:22:00,905 --> 00:22:02,010 If that plane leaves the ground 590 00:22:02,148 --> 00:22:04,115 and you're not with him, you'll regret it. 591 00:22:04,253 --> 00:22:05,600 Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, 592 00:22:05,738 --> 00:22:08,361 but soon, and for the rest of your life. 593 00:22:09,224 --> 00:22:10,225 Okay, what plane? 594 00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:12,779 Ursula, I've got a job to do, 595 00:22:12,917 --> 00:22:14,919 and where I'm going, you can't follow. 596 00:22:15,057 --> 00:22:18,613 What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. 597 00:22:18,751 --> 00:22:20,960 Well, that's okay. I have to work late anyway. 598 00:22:21,098 --> 00:22:23,963 Well, here's looking at you, kid. 599 00:22:24,722 --> 00:22:25,689 Who's Yukid? 41697

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