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1
00:00:07,766 --> 00:00:10,010
PAUL:
You got to see this. You are
not going to believe it.
2
00:00:12,357 --> 00:00:14,083
[REWINDING]
3
00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:17,017
Now, my brother Arnold,
4
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:18,570
he's the funny brother.
5
00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,123
He's not that funny.
6
00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:21,366
[LAUGHING] For some reason,
7
00:00:21,504 --> 00:00:24,541
he's always speaking in an Irish accent.
8
00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:25,646
[IRISH ACCENT] Truth is...
9
00:00:25,784 --> 00:00:28,269
I've always wanted to be Irish.
10
00:00:28,407 --> 00:00:30,789
It's incredibly
irritating.
11
00:00:30,927 --> 00:00:33,585
I've always had a special place in me heart
12
00:00:33,723 --> 00:00:35,069
for the Irish.
13
00:00:35,207 --> 00:00:37,140
Then you have
Burt's Uncle Marty.
14
00:00:37,278 --> 00:00:40,523
He had a series of troubled blouse companies.
15
00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:42,801
But that's not
my greatest regret.
16
00:00:42,939 --> 00:00:45,286
We used to say
if they ever wrote
Marty's life story,
17
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,426
they'd start
with chapter 11.
18
00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:50,291
My greatest regret
is... Oh! Ohh...
19
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:54,157
Hoo...moos...
20
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:58,989
PAUL: There it is.
There it is.
Did you see that?
21
00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:01,889
Hoo...moos...
22
00:01:03,787 --> 00:01:04,961
[CRASH]
23
00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:07,584
And that was it.
24
00:01:07,722 --> 00:01:09,655
Doctor said
before he hit the floor,
25
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,933
he, uh...he, uh...
26
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,003
Boy, it's just
hard to find
27
00:01:13,142 --> 00:01:14,384
a really good
way to say it.
28
00:01:14,522 --> 00:01:16,110
He... He, uh...
29
00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:18,630
Passed on.
Passed away, yeah.
30
00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,597
Pass... Passed over.
31
00:01:20,735 --> 00:01:21,943
He, uh, pass...
Passed...
32
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,014
He passed out
for a long time.
33
00:01:24,153 --> 00:01:26,120
"Beloved uncle
of Burt and Arnold
34
00:01:26,258 --> 00:01:29,227
who yesterday
tragically moved on."
35
00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,919
Moved forth.
Moved over.
36
00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:33,162
You see
what I'm saying?
37
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,991
"In lieu of flowers,
contributions may be made
38
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,063
to the international ladies'
garment workers union."
39
00:01:38,201 --> 00:01:39,513
All right. All right, so
we'll see you there?
40
00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:40,721
Ok, we'll look
for that tomorrow.
41
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:43,241
Okay. All right. So,
that's the Bermans.
42
00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:44,449
And that's The Times.
43
00:01:44,587 --> 00:01:45,967
[SIGHS] Good.
44
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,418
I have to say, I like
that we're doing this.
45
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:49,868
Oh, I've never had
more fun in my life.
46
00:01:51,249 --> 00:01:52,733
I mean, I like that
it's us doing it.
47
00:01:52,871 --> 00:01:54,390
A very close
relative has just...
48
00:01:54,528 --> 00:01:55,701
You know,
he's... Whatever...
49
00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:58,187
Done a very
unpleasant thing?
Yes. Thank you.
50
00:01:58,325 --> 00:02:00,189
The family has
just been reminded
51
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:01,914
of how fragile
life is.
52
00:02:02,052 --> 00:02:04,676
And who are they
turning to? Us. I feel
very proud of that.
53
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:06,436
It's just so weird,
you know?
54
00:02:06,574 --> 00:02:09,405
I... I just keep hearing
Marty's last words
in my head, over and over.
55
00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:11,027
Hoo moos?
Hoo moos.
56
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:14,755
What... what could
that possibly mean?
57
00:02:14,893 --> 00:02:15,894
I don't know.
58
00:02:16,032 --> 00:02:17,551
Hoo moos...
Hoo moos...
59
00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:19,622
Hoo moos...
60
00:02:20,243 --> 00:02:21,210
Hummus?
61
00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:23,729
Hummus, the food?
62
00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:25,455
Yeah.
63
00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:28,976
That's what you think
he's thinking about?
64
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:31,081
The moment of his reckoning,
he's thinking
about chickpeas?
65
00:02:32,738 --> 00:02:34,223
Maybe.
66
00:02:34,361 --> 00:02:35,638
You're a very
simple girl.
67
00:02:36,708 --> 00:02:38,054
You call
Uncle Harold?
68
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,400
Harold? No,
there was no answer.
69
00:02:39,538 --> 00:02:41,230
Did you leave
a message?
No machine.
70
00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:42,714
How can he not
have a machine?
71
00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:44,716
'Cause he doesn't
understand how they work.
72
00:02:44,854 --> 00:02:46,062
You see how he is
with our machine.
73
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,857
He talks to it
like, you know, it's a person.
74
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,307
"Tell Paul to
call me back,"
75
00:02:49,445 --> 00:02:51,205
like it's a butler.
76
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:54,898
Here.
Try Charlotte next.
77
00:02:55,036 --> 00:02:56,486
I just... He...
78
00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:59,317
Marty said it was
his great regret,
hoo moos.
79
00:02:59,455 --> 00:03:02,182
So I... I just think
that may be something
very important.
80
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,459
It may be.
81
00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:05,115
I'd love to
find out what.
82
00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,359
"A"... for my own
curiosity, but
"B"... for the film.
83
00:03:07,497 --> 00:03:08,429
You know, I mean...
84
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:09,775
"Hoo moos"
could be to Buchman
85
00:03:09,913 --> 00:03:12,226
like "rosebud"
To Citizen Kane.
86
00:03:12,364 --> 00:03:13,710
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Queens, please,
87
00:03:13,848 --> 00:03:16,610
for the Gates of
Damascus cemetery?
88
00:03:16,748 --> 00:03:19,440
Uh, Charlotte?
Hi. Cousin Paul.
89
00:03:19,578 --> 00:03:21,960
Hi. Good.
Um...listen,
90
00:03:22,098 --> 00:03:23,651
you remember Marty,
Uncle Marty?
91
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,205
Uh...uh-huh.
92
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:26,620
Okay, here's the thing...
93
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,625
He, uh, he... He's not
so much alive anymore.
94
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:37,596
JAMIE: Uncle
Marty sure had
a lot of suits.
95
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:40,530
I got nothing here.
Not even the slightest
hoo moos clue.
96
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:41,600
[IRISH ACCENT]
You know,
97
00:03:41,738 --> 00:03:44,154
They say that just
before you die,
98
00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:47,157
you revert
to a wee nigh nipper.
99
00:03:48,538 --> 00:03:49,470
What?
100
00:03:49,608 --> 00:03:51,231
A small,
cute fellow.
101
00:03:52,162 --> 00:03:53,681
Oh. So?
102
00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:55,165
Maybe Marty
was repeating
103
00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:57,167
the childhood lesson
about farm animals
104
00:03:57,306 --> 00:03:59,066
when he said "hoo moos."
105
00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:01,965
Who moos?
106
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,830
Why, the cow moos.
107
00:04:06,798 --> 00:04:08,282
Boy, I don't know,
Uncle Arnie.
108
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,353
That seems like a bit
of a reach for me.
109
00:04:10,491 --> 00:04:13,425
I think "hoo moos"
Is a philosophical
question.
110
00:04:13,563 --> 00:04:15,116
What do you mean, it was
a philosophical question?
111
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,119
Well, I think Marty
knew that he was
about to die,
112
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,846
and he wanted
some answers,
like...
113
00:04:20,984 --> 00:04:23,263
"Who moose?"
As in...
114
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:26,058
"Who is the moose?"
As in...
115
00:04:26,196 --> 00:04:28,854
"Who is
the big mammal?"
Or,
116
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,580
"the big being,"
as in,
117
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:33,480
"Who is God?"
118
00:04:33,618 --> 00:04:35,067
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
119
00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:42,937
"Hoo moos" is
"Who is God?"
120
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,906
It's better than
"the cow moos."
121
00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:47,252
Not much.
JAMIE: You know what...
122
00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:48,598
It's not God.
123
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:49,737
What?
124
00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,394
It's not God,
hoo moos,
125
00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:53,085
and it's
no damn cow.
126
00:04:53,223 --> 00:04:54,397
You want to know
what hoo moos is?
127
00:04:54,535 --> 00:04:56,123
I'll tell you
what it is.
128
00:04:56,261 --> 00:04:57,987
Wait a second.
You know what
hoo moos is?
129
00:04:58,125 --> 00:05:01,439
Yes. "Hoo moos" is
actually "Hey Miss."
130
00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:04,718
A blouse company that
Marty and I had
briefly in the 40s.
131
00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:06,892
Oh...
We were
in very bad shape,
132
00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:08,998
and Marty accused
me of skimming,
133
00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:10,482
which, of course,
I did not.
134
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:11,863
We had
a terrible fight,
135
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:13,209
and he never
forgave me.
136
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,935
When he said,
"hoo moos," I'm sure
137
00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:17,731
he's lashing out
at me one last time.
138
00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:19,767
Wow.
I don't
believe it.
139
00:05:19,905 --> 00:05:20,941
ARNOLD: Ohh...
140
00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:22,183
[MUTTERS IRISH
EXPRESSION]
141
00:05:23,392 --> 00:05:24,427
What did he say?
142
00:05:24,565 --> 00:05:26,084
"Ohh...my goodness."
143
00:05:27,706 --> 00:05:29,605
Well, if Marty said
you were skimmin',
144
00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:31,538
I have no doubt
that you were.
145
00:05:31,676 --> 00:05:32,642
I was not skimming!
146
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,679
I would not skim!
Skimmer!
147
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:36,577
Me brother
is a skimmer!
148
00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:39,166
I would not skim!
Marty had it all wrong.
149
00:05:39,304 --> 00:05:41,306
If you don't
believe me,
ask Miriam Sass.
150
00:05:41,444 --> 00:05:42,514
Who's Miriam Sass?
151
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:44,344
Our bookkeeper
from the old days.
152
00:05:44,482 --> 00:05:49,107
In January of 1945,
the last month of the company,
153
00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:53,111
Hey Miss did 98 dozen units,
which is to say...
154
00:05:53,249 --> 00:05:54,215
[SPITS] Ptooey!
155
00:05:55,562 --> 00:05:57,702
So then, what you're saying
is Burt was not skimming.
156
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,428
Skimming from what?
157
00:05:59,566 --> 00:06:02,569
You gotta have something
to skim from something..
158
00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:05,641
So "Hoo moos"
Could not have been
"Hey Miss."
159
00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:06,849
[CHUCKLES] No.
160
00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:09,058
It was Hugh Moss.
161
00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:10,162
I'm sorry,
it was who?
162
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:11,888
Hugh Moss.
163
00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:14,443
He was a supplier
of Burt's and Marty's
164
00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:18,895
who had a very racy
extramarital affair
with someone Marty knew.
165
00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:23,037
Marty never said a word,
166
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,177
but it always weighed
heavily on him.
167
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:27,456
When he said "Hoo moos,"
168
00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:30,735
I'm sure he was trying
to unburden himself.
169
00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:33,185
This is great.
You gotta tell me,
who was the woman?
170
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,843
Doesn't matter.
171
00:06:35,981 --> 00:06:38,156
Doesn't matter?
What, are you
kidding me?
172
00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:40,400
It would be indiscreet
to say.
173
00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:42,263
Mrs. Sass, come on.
174
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,472
I'm begging you.
175
00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:46,820
All right.
176
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:49,547
It was your mother.
177
00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:51,618
I'm sorry?
178
00:06:55,173 --> 00:06:56,346
[MUSIC PLAYING]
179
00:07:02,352 --> 00:07:03,802
First of all,
180
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,632
let me say that
I am deeply sorry
181
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:07,875
to hear of your
uncle Milton's passing.
182
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,118
Marty.
183
00:07:09,256 --> 00:07:10,706
I'm sorry?
184
00:07:10,844 --> 00:07:11,776
It's Marty.
185
00:07:11,914 --> 00:07:13,640
It's Marty,
not Milton.
186
00:07:13,778 --> 00:07:15,987
I'm deeply sorry.
I had a Milton
this morning.
187
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,713
I must have
transposed the names.
188
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:19,715
It's all right. Sylvia.
SYLVIA:
It's not all right.
189
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,061
He doesn't know
the man's name,
190
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:22,580
he's delivering the eulogy.
191
00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:24,305
He will. He's just
trying to familiarize
himself...
192
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,894
This is why I wanted
to maintain an affiliation.
193
00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:29,207
It was too expensive.
And we never went.
194
00:07:29,345 --> 00:07:31,451
Too expensive
for a skimmer
like you?
195
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:33,901
Why don't you
shut up?
196
00:07:34,039 --> 00:07:35,178
Okay, guys.
197
00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:36,283
Very sorry.
198
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:37,387
It's quite all right.
199
00:07:37,526 --> 00:07:39,459
Paulie, did you
talk to Miriam?
200
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:41,944
Uh...pop, we're...
201
00:07:42,082 --> 00:07:43,463
Well, did you?
Yeah. Yes, I did.
202
00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:44,567
So?
203
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:46,327
Uh, we'll talk about it
later, okay?
204
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,089
Now, if you can just
give me a sense
of Marty's life,
205
00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:50,573
I assure you from
the bottom of my heart,
206
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:51,988
Mrs. Butterman,
that I, for one...
207
00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:53,231
Buchman.
208
00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:54,439
Sorry?
209
00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:55,820
It's Buchman.
210
00:07:55,958 --> 00:07:58,236
Mrs. Buchman.
Sylvia Buchman.
211
00:07:58,961 --> 00:08:00,549
I'm deeply sorry.
212
00:08:01,308 --> 00:08:02,447
This is ridiculous.
213
00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,069
Mom...
He doesn't know
anyone's name.
214
00:08:04,207 --> 00:08:05,277
You ought to know
somebody's name.
215
00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:07,832
We are bereaved,
for crying out loud.
216
00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,835
I want to know
what Miriam said.
ARNOLD: Me, too!
217
00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,595
She-she said-she said
you were not skimming
218
00:08:12,733 --> 00:08:14,321
and Marty knew that
you were not skimming.
219
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:16,219
There, you see?
You see, Arnold?
You see?
220
00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:17,669
You troll, you.
221
00:08:17,807 --> 00:08:19,084
PAUL:
All right.
222
00:08:19,222 --> 00:08:20,776
She said "hoo moos"
was something else
entirely.
223
00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:22,191
Well, what did
she say it was?
224
00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:23,399
Uh, that's not important.
225
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:24,711
Ok, we'll talk
about it later...
226
00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:25,919
I'd like to hear it, too,
227
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:28,024
otherwise how can we
be sure Burt's innocent?
228
00:08:28,162 --> 00:08:29,198
Oh.
229
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:31,062
Okay. Hugh Moss.
230
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,304
That's what she said.
231
00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:33,478
Hugh Moss.
232
00:08:33,616 --> 00:08:35,135
Hugh Moss,
the supplier?
233
00:08:35,273 --> 00:08:36,550
Yes.
234
00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:38,552
Why was Marty
thinking
of Hugh Moss
235
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:40,140
at the moment
of his death?
236
00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:42,522
Well, you know,
who... who knows,
really?
237
00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,178
It wasn't my fault.
238
00:08:45,697 --> 00:08:46,629
I beg your pardon?
239
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:47,803
It was during the war.
240
00:08:47,941 --> 00:08:50,184
You were overseas
bombing our enemies.
241
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:53,222
I was lonely.
I used to hang
around the office
242
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,017
because it reminded
me of you.
243
00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:59,159
And one day this man,
this Hugh Moss, came in.
244
00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:02,921
He was very solicitous,
and I was very weak.
245
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:04,129
I couldn't resist.
246
00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:06,235
Couldn't resist what?
247
00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:09,618
I...
248
00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:11,136
I flirted with him.
[GASPS]
249
00:09:11,274 --> 00:09:12,897
What?
250
00:09:13,035 --> 00:09:14,968
I flirted with him
shamelessly.
251
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:17,729
I giggled with him.
I made eyes at him.
252
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:21,664
And I think
I even said
a double entendre.
253
00:09:21,802 --> 00:09:23,217
What?
254
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,564
Marty came in
and he caught us.
255
00:09:24,702 --> 00:09:26,566
I begged him
not to say anything,
256
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:29,361
and to his credit,
he never said anything
257
00:09:29,499 --> 00:09:31,398
until the end
of his life.
258
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:33,434
Why he couldn't
keep his mouth shut
259
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,643
for another
eight seconds,
260
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:36,955
I'll never understand.
261
00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:40,683
Come on, Sylvia.
Who do you think
you're talking to?
262
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:42,098
What is that
supposed to mean?
263
00:09:42,236 --> 00:09:43,859
Everyone knows
you and Hugh Moss
264
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:45,446
did more
than just flirt.
265
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,241
I beg your pardon?
266
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:48,518
You heard me.
267
00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:51,004
Well, this is ridiculous,
of course.
268
00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:53,006
Look, Sylvia, I don't
like to speak ill
of anyone,
269
00:09:53,144 --> 00:09:54,455
especially
to their face,
270
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,872
but chastity was
never your long suit.
271
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:58,114
Oh!
272
00:09:58,252 --> 00:10:00,013
So what exactly
would you call
speaking ill?
273
00:10:00,151 --> 00:10:01,221
Aunt Blossom,
please.
274
00:10:01,359 --> 00:10:03,016
I'm sorry.
I'm an honest woman.
275
00:10:03,154 --> 00:10:04,880
You're a nasty woman.
That's what you are.
276
00:10:05,018 --> 00:10:07,123
And you have
a low center of gravity.
277
00:10:09,091 --> 00:10:10,195
Is it true, Sylvia?
278
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,681
Of course it's true.
I didn't ask you!
279
00:10:12,819 --> 00:10:14,924
Why would a man
bother himself
on his deathbed
280
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:16,408
with a mere flirtation?
281
00:10:16,546 --> 00:10:18,272
We never had an affair.
282
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,586
And if you don't
believe me,
ask Hugh Moss.
283
00:10:22,242 --> 00:10:24,106
All right, then.
284
00:10:24,244 --> 00:10:26,142
Really sorry
for this outburst.
285
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,765
JAMIE: Now, um...
286
00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:30,699
What can we tell you
that will give you
a sense of Marty's life?
287
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,046
I think I've got enough.
288
00:10:34,806 --> 00:10:35,842
First of all,
289
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,016
I never sleep with a customer's wife.
290
00:10:38,914 --> 00:10:41,710
And second, no offense,
291
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:44,195
but she was a tremendous
pain in the ass.
292
00:10:45,506 --> 00:10:46,646
But you're saying, then,
293
00:10:46,784 --> 00:10:49,510
that "hoo moos"
could not have been
Hugh Moss.
294
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,926
That's right.
295
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:55,206
In fact, I happen to know
what "hoo moos" is.
296
00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:57,173
You do?
297
00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,313
What?
298
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:03,007
Marty, may he
rest in peace,
299
00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:05,630
had a nephew, Arnold.
You know him?
300
00:11:05,768 --> 00:11:06,907
Sure, Arnold.
Uncle Arnold, yeah.
301
00:11:07,045 --> 00:11:09,082
He speaks with
the Irish accent.
302
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,808
That's the guy.
303
00:11:10,946 --> 00:11:12,188
Why does he do that?
304
00:11:13,155 --> 00:11:14,397
Nobody knows.
305
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:17,642
Anyway,
Arnold's son, David
told Marty...
306
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,162
May he rest in peace,
307
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,819
that he was gay
308
00:11:21,957 --> 00:11:24,269
and very much in love
with another young man,
309
00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:25,408
Jared.
310
00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:27,859
Jared. Marty,
311
00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:29,792
may he rest in peace,
312
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,450
outwardly accepted the news.
313
00:11:32,588 --> 00:11:34,486
But he was a man
of the old school,
314
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:36,730
and he had certain
prejudices.
315
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:38,974
When he died,
I'm sure he was trying
316
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:41,770
to express his disapproval
of the boys.
317
00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:46,567
"Homos," Marty was saying.
318
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,293
Marty was saying "homos."
319
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,779
May he rest in peace.
320
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:59,511
I say we put him
right here,
next to Aunt Lilly.
321
00:11:59,649 --> 00:12:02,618
No, no. He goes
right here
next to Uncle Jules.
322
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,207
You can't put Marty
next to Jules!
323
00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:06,898
It's not a dinner.
324
00:12:07,036 --> 00:12:09,452
Guys, hello.
Tomorrow is the funeral.
We gotta put him somewhere.
325
00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:12,593
If I may, why don't
we put Marty here
and Lilly here?
326
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,079
Or maybe just go
with Uncle Jules
to block.
327
00:12:15,217 --> 00:12:16,287
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
328
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,599
You're not helping.
329
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,291
I'm not hindering.
330
00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:23,915
So... so, Paulie,
did you get a chance
to talk to Hugh Moss?
331
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,952
Oh, I spoke
to Hugh Moss.
You're absolved.
332
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,022
Sure.
333
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,851
Did he say
what Hoo Moos was?
334
00:12:28,989 --> 00:12:30,611
Uh...yeah,
but why don't...
335
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,579
Why don't you both stop,
ok, for heaven's sakes?
336
00:12:32,717 --> 00:12:35,133
I'll tell you,
but you gotta keep this
between you and me...
337
00:12:35,271 --> 00:12:37,170
Why can't we have
just one blessed moment's
peace and quiet?
338
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:38,896
Hoo moos was
about David.
339
00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:40,587
[SUDDEN SILENCE]
340
00:12:43,866 --> 00:12:45,178
Oh, that's just so unlucky.
341
00:12:46,489 --> 00:12:48,526
All right, Paul, uh,
342
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:51,046
what did he say
"hoo moos" was?
343
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:58,847
He said, possibly,
344
00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:01,608
he thought that
"hoo moos", maybe,
was, uh,
345
00:13:01,746 --> 00:13:02,816
a reference, uh,
346
00:13:02,954 --> 00:13:05,577
to... to maybe you
and a guy named Jared.
347
00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:08,442
"Homos"?
348
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,273
Yes, but I think
he meant it
in a good sense.
349
00:13:11,411 --> 00:13:13,447
What do you mean,
homos?
Who's Jared?
350
00:13:15,242 --> 00:13:16,416
Okay.
351
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:22,111
Mom, Dad.
352
00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:25,149
This isn't exactly
the way I planned
on telling you,
353
00:13:25,287 --> 00:13:26,564
but what the hell.
354
00:13:27,151 --> 00:13:28,669
I'm gay.
355
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,982
I'm gay
and I'm thrilled
to be gay.
356
00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:33,191
Oh, my God.
357
00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,262
[IRISH ACCENT]
My son's
a clover boy!
358
00:13:41,337 --> 00:13:42,338
I think that's
a really bad...
359
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:43,719
I know what he meant.
360
00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:48,344
Marty was always
very nice to us.
361
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,002
Very approving.
362
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:54,247
Once...
In an unguarded moment,
363
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:57,146
he even told me
I had pretty eyes.
364
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:58,838
Really?
365
00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:01,564
Okay.
366
00:14:01,702 --> 00:14:04,050
So... All right,
so then,
367
00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:06,328
in your opinion,
368
00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:10,263
"hoo moos" couldn't
really have been
"homos," could it?
369
00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:12,817
Oh, absolutely not.
No.
370
00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:14,681
Jeez...
371
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:15,751
Do you...
372
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,270
What do you think
it was?
373
00:14:17,408 --> 00:14:18,788
[INHALES]
374
00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:21,205
[EXHALES]
375
00:14:21,343 --> 00:14:23,586
I really have no idea.
376
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:25,312
No idea. Okay. Okay.
377
00:14:26,037 --> 00:14:27,176
Just thought I'd ask.
378
00:14:35,944 --> 00:14:37,393
I'm just totally...
totally stymied.
379
00:14:37,531 --> 00:14:39,499
I'm at a complete
"hoo moos" dead end.
380
00:14:39,637 --> 00:14:40,810
Your entire
family's ruined.
381
00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:42,778
You can take some
solace in that.
382
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,711
Hey, look what I found...
a muffin.
383
00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:45,988
Where did you get that?
384
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:47,403
The funeral next door.
385
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:49,612
It's unbelievable.
They got a guy
making omelets.
386
00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:54,238
[HUMS]
387
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:55,515
Uh, hi.
388
00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:56,723
Hi.
Hi.
389
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,690
So is everything clear
for the eulogy?
390
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:00,485
Yes, Joanie,
clear as a bell.
391
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:02,453
Okay.
392
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,283
Oh, God, did you
ever call
Uncle Harold?
393
00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:06,733
Oh, God.
Uncle Harold.
394
00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:08,769
Uncle Harold,
I am so sorry.
395
00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,255
And who are you?
396
00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:12,739
What do you mean,
who am I?
Uncle Harold...
397
00:15:12,877 --> 00:15:14,085
Who is this person?
398
00:15:14,223 --> 00:15:15,535
What do you mean,
who is this person?
399
00:15:15,673 --> 00:15:17,226
It's your nephew... Paul.
400
00:15:17,364 --> 00:15:19,711
Tell this person
I have no nephew Paul.
401
00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:22,576
Um...
Tell him!
402
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,027
Uncle Harold says
he has no nephew Paul.
403
00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:27,340
Uncle Harold, if you'd
just let me explain.
What happened was...
404
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:29,342
Would you tell
this person who's
trying to talk to me
405
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,447
that if I did have
a nephew Paul,
406
00:15:31,585 --> 00:15:32,932
he would have
called me
407
00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:35,693
and told me
about the death
of a dear one,
408
00:15:35,831 --> 00:15:37,660
instead of leaving me
like a dog
409
00:15:37,798 --> 00:15:39,283
to read it
in the newspaper.
410
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,149
Uncle Harold says
if he did have a nephew...
411
00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:45,461
I heard
the whole thing.
412
00:15:46,807 --> 00:15:48,326
Look, Uncle Harold,
what happened was...
413
00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:49,983
Who are you?
Okay. All right.
414
00:15:50,121 --> 00:15:51,881
EULOGIZER: Will you take
your seats, please?
415
00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:56,748
The world is
poorer today
416
00:15:56,886 --> 00:15:59,130
for having lost
Marty Blechman.
417
00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:02,133
Buchman.
418
00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:03,376
[SOFTLY] It's Buchman.
419
00:16:03,514 --> 00:16:04,480
Buchman.
420
00:16:04,618 --> 00:16:06,827
I am poorer,
421
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,898
you, his friends,
are poorer,
422
00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:11,901
his loving family
is poorer.
423
00:16:12,695 --> 00:16:13,800
Let me introduce them.
424
00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:15,043
Oh, my God.
425
00:16:16,147 --> 00:16:17,217
His nephew, Bill.
426
00:16:17,355 --> 00:16:18,908
JAMIE: Burt.
Burt.
427
00:16:19,047 --> 00:16:20,427
His nephew Eaemon.
Arnold.
428
00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:21,739
Arnold.
429
00:16:22,878 --> 00:16:24,224
And their wives,
430
00:16:24,362 --> 00:16:25,985
Celia and Rose.
JAMIE: Sylvia
431
00:16:26,123 --> 00:16:27,848
and Blossom
Blossom and Sylvia.
432
00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:29,989
And their children...
433
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:31,887
Pete, Janice, Arthur,
434
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,821
Sheila, Darcy, and Douglas.
435
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:40,689
What a man he was.
436
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:42,760
What a life.
437
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:47,178
It's hard to know
where to begin
with such a life.
438
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:53,667
Perhaps with the two words
that summed up his life.
439
00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:58,362
Hoo moos.
440
00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:02,987
Now, I don't know
what they mean.
441
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:07,164
But I'm sure
they were important.
442
00:17:07,302 --> 00:17:10,753
They were the last words
the man ever spoke.
443
00:17:10,891 --> 00:17:12,859
They must mean
something, right? [CHUCKLES]
444
00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:15,655
But I guess,
445
00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:17,657
like so many things in life,
446
00:17:17,795 --> 00:17:19,935
they will forever
remain a mystery.
447
00:17:21,350 --> 00:17:22,317
You know...
448
00:17:24,353 --> 00:17:27,805
I'm reminded today
of the lustful Jezebel.
449
00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:29,255
Pardon me.
450
00:17:29,393 --> 00:17:32,258
Marty's last words
were "hoo moos"?
451
00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:34,087
Yes, Uncle Harold,
they were.
452
00:17:34,225 --> 00:17:35,640
You know
what "hoo moos" is?
453
00:17:35,778 --> 00:17:36,917
Who are you?
454
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:39,886
If I may?
455
00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:41,577
Yes. It's
all yours, Henry.
456
00:17:45,305 --> 00:17:46,893
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
457
00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,621
August 1933.
458
00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:53,072
The place, Camp Tiki-Huni.
459
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:56,972
Two young boys,
460
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,491
Marty and Harold,
461
00:17:58,629 --> 00:18:01,045
are playing bow and arrow
in the woods.
462
00:18:02,253 --> 00:18:03,668
They get separated.
463
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:04,738
It's getting dark.
464
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,085
They get scared.
465
00:18:07,258 --> 00:18:10,503
So, Harold calls out
to Marty
466
00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:12,643
by his nickname.
467
00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:13,885
"Moose."
468
00:18:15,749 --> 00:18:17,475
And Marty says, "Who?"
469
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,582
Then Harold said, "Moose."
470
00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:23,102
And Marty said, "Who?"
471
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,758
Now it's getting darker,
472
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,346
and we're both
getting scareder.
473
00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:28,107
Something moves
in the bushes.
474
00:18:29,211 --> 00:18:32,697
Marty draws his bow
and lets the arrow fly.
475
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:36,529
And the arrow flies
straight into my...
476
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,289
You should excuse
the expression,
477
00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:40,947
my... Right here.
478
00:18:42,983 --> 00:18:44,123
[WHISTLES]
479
00:18:45,779 --> 00:18:47,298
Marty never forgave himself.
480
00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:50,059
If you notice,
throughout his life,
481
00:18:50,198 --> 00:18:52,269
he never ate
a speared hors d'oeuvre.
482
00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:56,652
He never ate a shish kebab.
483
00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:58,447
In fact, he never ate
with a fork.
484
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:02,589
Because to hurt
a family member
485
00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:04,902
was to Marty, anathema.
486
00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:07,422
Yes, anathema.
487
00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:10,252
That means no good.
488
00:19:12,254 --> 00:19:14,325
Now, I've heard rumors
that are going around
489
00:19:14,463 --> 00:19:17,363
about certain things
happening in this family...
490
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:19,296
the bickering, the fighting,
the backbiting,
491
00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:20,918
the squabbling.
492
00:19:21,056 --> 00:19:23,162
What Marty said.
Marty said this,
Marty said that,
493
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,129
Marty bippy, Marty bippy,
kicky, kacky, kooky,
494
00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:27,096
pishky, poppy,
kicky, kacky, kooky.
495
00:19:27,235 --> 00:19:28,201
Blegh-heh!
496
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:30,755
Enough!
497
00:19:30,893 --> 00:19:31,998
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.
498
00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:33,793
He loved you.
499
00:19:33,931 --> 00:19:36,175
He really, really loved you.
500
00:19:36,313 --> 00:19:38,246
And when I remember Marty,
501
00:19:38,384 --> 00:19:40,006
which is every time
I sit down...
502
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,456
[WHISTLES]
503
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,011
I remember
those last words.
504
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,840
"Who? Moose!"
505
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:49,222
So long, Moose.
506
00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:55,711
[SIGHS] Wow.
507
00:19:58,058 --> 00:19:59,543
I can only add
508
00:19:59,681 --> 00:20:03,581
that insertion will be
at the Gates of Damascus
cemetery
509
00:20:03,719 --> 00:20:05,894
in Forest Hills,
New York.
510
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:07,758
And then all
are invited back
511
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:09,173
to Phil and Judy's.
512
00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:12,383
Drive safely.
513
00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:15,421
Uncle Harold,
I remember Aunt Lilly
calling him Moose.
514
00:20:15,559 --> 00:20:18,631
And I remember
that he never ate anything
with a toothpick.
515
00:20:18,769 --> 00:20:20,943
Ate with his
fingers.
Ah.
516
00:20:21,081 --> 00:20:23,291
I always wondered
about the limp.
Well, now you know.
517
00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:24,740
Harold, thank you.
518
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:27,053
Oh, pleasure.
Come on, you two
get together.
519
00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:29,331
Burt, I... I'm sorry
I thought ill of you.
520
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,747
I'm sorry
I wanted
to kill you.
521
00:20:31,885 --> 00:20:34,440
That's good. Okay.
Now you two.
Come on.
522
00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:36,442
I'm sorry I implied
you were a whore.
523
00:20:38,547 --> 00:20:39,514
Good enough.
524
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,448
Listen... listen,
525
00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:44,519
I'm sorry if I
put you guys in
an awkward position.
526
00:20:44,657 --> 00:20:46,797
No, that's... that's okay.
527
00:20:46,935 --> 00:20:48,902
It was for the best.
528
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,422
Uncle Harold,
may I just say,
that was beautiful.
529
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,597
Oh, thank you, Jamie.
It was really beautiful,
530
00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:55,530
and I want to say again,
the only reason I couldn't...
531
00:20:55,668 --> 00:20:57,186
Give me a kiss.
532
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,465
It's a was.
533
00:20:59,603 --> 00:21:00,742
It's over.
534
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,088
This is what I'm saying.
535
00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:04,849
Any food?
536
00:21:04,987 --> 00:21:06,126
Right this way,
Uncle Harold.
537
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,818
I'm hungry.
Let's go and eat.
538
00:21:08,715 --> 00:21:09,854
Wow.
539
00:21:09,992 --> 00:21:11,442
You know, honey,
I don't know.
540
00:21:11,891 --> 00:21:12,892
What?
541
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:14,031
I don't know
if "hoo moos"
542
00:21:14,169 --> 00:21:16,205
is what Uncle Harold
said it was.
543
00:21:16,344 --> 00:21:17,931
What are you
talking about?
544
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,624
Come on.
A minor injury
from 400 years ago?
545
00:21:20,762 --> 00:21:22,453
This is what
a man thinks of
as he dies?
546
00:21:23,143 --> 00:21:24,144
Why not?
547
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,526
Okay.
548
00:21:26,664 --> 00:21:28,632
What are you...
It's perfect
for the movie.
549
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:30,910
That's true.
And the family is
finally at peace again.
550
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:32,532
All right.
So what are you
questioning it for?
551
00:21:32,670 --> 00:21:33,775
Nothing. All right.
552
00:21:33,913 --> 00:21:35,017
Come on.
I'll buy you
an omelet.
553
00:21:35,155 --> 00:21:36,950
Okay. I'll meet you there.
All right.
554
00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,275
"Hoo moos."
555
00:21:59,594 --> 00:22:00,664
What are you looking at?
556
00:22:03,252 --> 00:22:04,288
Nothing.
557
00:22:12,779 --> 00:22:15,368
Jezebel had a wonderful
rapport with God,
558
00:22:16,852 --> 00:22:19,441
whom I'm sure
you'll all remember
from last week's sermon.
559
00:22:22,064 --> 00:22:25,413
Jezebel, the Bible tells us,
560
00:22:25,551 --> 00:22:29,313
lusted after everything
that passed by her doorstep.
561
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,489
So God said, "No, Jezebel,
562
00:22:32,627 --> 00:22:35,975
for lusting so,
you shall be punished."
563
00:22:36,113 --> 00:22:37,735
And God devised
a great punishment.
564
00:22:37,873 --> 00:22:38,943
He took a fly,
565
00:22:39,081 --> 00:22:41,152
a, a bzz-bzz fly,
566
00:22:42,844 --> 00:22:44,777
and he put the fly
into her ear.
567
00:22:44,915 --> 00:22:46,641
From her ear
it went into her head,
568
00:22:46,779 --> 00:22:50,023
and anytime that Jezebel
lusted after anything,
569
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:52,163
that fly buzzed around.
570
00:22:53,648 --> 00:22:55,097
But Jezebel liked it.
571
00:23:39,038 --> 00:23:42,490
Jezebel had a wonderful
rapport with God,
572
00:23:42,628 --> 00:23:45,251
whom I'm sure
you'll all remember
from last week's sermon.
573
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,257
Jezebel, the Bible tells us,
574
00:23:51,395 --> 00:23:55,054
lusted after everything
that pass-ed by her doorstep.
575
00:23:57,056 --> 00:23:58,298
So God said, "No, Jezebel,
576
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,750
for lusting so,
you shall be punished."
577
00:24:01,888 --> 00:24:03,718
And God devised
a great punishment.
578
00:24:03,856 --> 00:24:04,857
He took a fly,
579
00:24:04,995 --> 00:24:07,100
a... a bzz-bzz fly,
580
00:24:08,757 --> 00:24:10,621
and he put the fly
into her ear.
581
00:24:10,759 --> 00:24:12,451
From her ear
it went into her head,
582
00:24:12,589 --> 00:24:15,937
and anytime that Jezebel
lusted after anything,
583
00:24:16,075 --> 00:24:18,042
that fly buzzed around.
584
00:24:19,423 --> 00:24:21,080
But Jezebel liked it.
40318
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