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1
00:00:06,144 --> 00:00:08,111
[WHISTLING]
2
00:00:12,736 --> 00:00:15,498
Sweetie, could you
please get that
away from me?
3
00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:19,433
'Cause of the nausea?
I'm sorry. Okay...
4
00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:21,055
How's it over here?
All right?
5
00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:24,265
No.
Okay.
6
00:00:25,646 --> 00:00:26,716
Good right here?
7
00:00:26,854 --> 00:00:27,855
No good.
8
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,100
Standing here?
9
00:00:31,238 --> 00:00:33,447
I just...
I really can't.
Okay.
10
00:00:33,585 --> 00:00:35,173
Over here?
11
00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:36,381
No.
12
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,556
I'll see you later.
13
00:00:54,019 --> 00:00:57,816
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
14
00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:02,338
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
15
00:01:02,476 --> 00:01:06,307
♪ Tell me all your secrets
and I'll tell you most of mine
16
00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:10,415
♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time
17
00:01:10,553 --> 00:01:14,350
♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan
18
00:01:14,488 --> 00:01:15,765
♪ All I have is you
19
00:01:15,903 --> 00:01:17,836
♪ So, darling,
help me understand
20
00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:19,665
♪ What we do
21
00:01:19,803 --> 00:01:21,564
♪ You can whisper in my ear
22
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:23,635
♪ Where we go
23
00:01:23,773 --> 00:01:25,982
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
24
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,122
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
25
00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:32,195
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
26
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:34,715
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
27
00:01:34,853 --> 00:01:36,579
♪ Yeah!
28
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:39,271
♪ I'm mad about you ♪
29
00:01:48,073 --> 00:01:49,799
Please don't do that.
Oh, relax.
30
00:01:49,937 --> 00:01:52,077
You're stealing.
That is stealing.
31
00:01:52,215 --> 00:01:54,079
You have to taste this.
Ah, look at this.
32
00:01:54,217 --> 00:01:55,977
It's like
shopping with Thelma
and Louise now.
33
00:01:57,289 --> 00:01:58,808
Oh! I got the Tang.
34
00:01:58,946 --> 00:02:02,156
Just please tell me,
how do your parents
subsist on this stuff?
35
00:02:02,294 --> 00:02:05,228
Instant coffee,
instant soup...
[GASPS] Swiss Miss!
36
00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:07,817
Remember when mom
used to make this for us?
37
00:02:07,955 --> 00:02:10,337
So the words
"just add water" they find
very appealing?
38
00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:13,133
They're gonna be
here for two days.
39
00:02:13,271 --> 00:02:14,341
Let's feed them
what they like.
40
00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:15,618
Whatever
they don't eat
41
00:02:15,756 --> 00:02:17,551
we can put
in the bomb shelter.
42
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:19,139
[EXCLAIMING] Oh, oh, oh...
43
00:02:19,277 --> 00:02:20,761
Fat free.
44
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,144
This is how we
ate it when Mom
wasn't around.
45
00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:26,594
Ugh.
Oh, don't be
a food snob.
46
00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:27,871
Ugh. I'm not a snob.
47
00:02:28,009 --> 00:02:30,391
I just don't like to eat
like an astronaut.
48
00:02:30,529 --> 00:02:34,499
If you need me, I'll be
by the bottled water.
49
00:02:34,637 --> 00:02:36,086
We could get
something for
you and poppy
50
00:02:36,225 --> 00:02:37,398
to take
to the Jet game.
51
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:40,021
Well, do they make
a powdered beer?
52
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,471
Candy corn.
He likes candy corn.
53
00:02:41,609 --> 00:02:43,059
Grown man,
he likes candy corn.
54
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,026
What tickets did
you end up getting
for your mom?
55
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,857
Bring in Da Noise,
Bring in Da Funk.
56
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:51,032
I'm sorry.
"Da noise? Da funk?"
57
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,758
That's right.
"Da noise, da funk."
58
00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:55,244
Yeah, right. I think
maybe in your case
it might be,
59
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:57,418
"The noise, the funk."
60
00:02:57,556 --> 00:02:59,731
Title of the show is
Da Noise, Da Funk.
61
00:02:59,869 --> 00:03:01,319
Yeah, well,
you know what?
62
00:03:01,457 --> 00:03:03,873
Let's just agree
there's noise and
there's funk,
63
00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:07,497
and at some point
during the evening
it's brought in.
64
00:03:07,635 --> 00:03:09,672
I don't know if
it's just late, or
I'm getting older,
65
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,398
but I'm actually
looking forward to
seeing my parents.
66
00:03:11,536 --> 00:03:12,606
I am, too.
67
00:03:12,744 --> 00:03:13,986
Not that late.
68
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,816
What, I can't
enjoy your parents?
69
00:03:15,954 --> 00:03:18,612
You know, your father and I
are up to three things
we can talk about.
70
00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:22,271
We got sports, politics,
and recently we added
the stock market.
71
00:03:22,409 --> 00:03:23,789
'Course, after that
there's a lull
72
00:03:23,927 --> 00:03:26,792
that makes you wanna put
your head through a wall.
73
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:29,036
They are so excited
about their trip.
74
00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:31,003
Why will
they not tell us
where they're going?
75
00:03:31,141 --> 00:03:33,247
I don't know. They want
to keep it a surprise
for some reason.
76
00:03:33,385 --> 00:03:35,732
Huh. You know what'd
be a real surprise?
77
00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,838
Like, Yemen.
78
00:03:37,976 --> 00:03:39,357
I bet they're gonna go
to the South of France.
79
00:03:39,495 --> 00:03:40,875
My mother's always
wanted to go.
80
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,912
France is good.
81
00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:45,397
I hope we get to take
a big, romantic trip
like that.
82
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:47,261
So where would we go?
Where would you wanna go?
83
00:03:47,399 --> 00:03:49,125
I don't know.
Kentucky?
84
00:03:50,368 --> 00:03:52,404
Kentucky? That to you
is the payoff of life?
85
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,372
Maybe. Puerto Rico?
86
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:56,374
Oh, man, how do
you get out of bed
in the morning?
87
00:03:57,616 --> 00:03:58,755
I didn't do anything.
88
00:03:58,893 --> 00:04:00,032
This was partially
open already.
89
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,586
I thought it was
a sample.
90
00:04:08,351 --> 00:04:09,663
They're gonna be here
any minute.
91
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:10,905
I know, I know.
I'm almost done.
92
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:14,046
Okay, here's my father,
Lake George, 1953.
93
00:04:14,184 --> 00:04:16,842
A perfect reason
why you don't wear
sandals with socks.
94
00:04:19,535 --> 00:04:20,812
Ow.
Ow?
95
00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:23,435
Mother jumper.
96
00:04:23,573 --> 00:04:25,782
Mother jumper?
I'm trying
to give up swearing.
97
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:27,681
For the baby?
Yes, for the baby.
98
00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:28,923
You think the baby
doesn't know
what you mean
99
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,547
when you say
"mother jumper"?
100
00:04:31,685 --> 00:04:33,238
I thought all this
was gonna be out
of here by today.
101
00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:35,516
It is. I just need
a little more time.
102
00:04:35,654 --> 00:04:38,726
How much?
Just a couple of,
like, six months.
103
00:04:38,864 --> 00:04:40,832
I was hoping this could
be the baby's space.
104
00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:43,490
Here? No. No.
This is perfect
for all my storage.
105
00:04:43,628 --> 00:04:45,285
Can't we put the
baby somewhere else?
106
00:04:45,423 --> 00:04:47,425
Where were you thinking?
Under the sink?
107
00:04:47,563 --> 00:04:49,634
Yeah. You know,
just till it's three.
108
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:52,878
Can you at least
put it into piles?
109
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,880
Yeah, look,
perfect. Nice piles.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
110
00:04:55,018 --> 00:04:56,503
Ow! Fu...
111
00:04:56,641 --> 00:04:58,194
For crying out loud!
112
00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:02,509
For the baby.
Yes, for the baby.
Coming!
113
00:05:02,647 --> 00:05:04,200
All right,
tell me again
with your mother,
114
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:05,719
because I blew it
last time.
115
00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:07,548
When she says
something is bad,
that means it's good.
116
00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,861
No, no, no.
Good is bad.
Good is bad.
117
00:05:09,999 --> 00:05:12,381
Good is bad,
like is loathe,
love is hate.
118
00:05:12,519 --> 00:05:13,485
When are you
gonna get this?
119
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:15,694
I got it. So what
is actually good?
120
00:05:15,832 --> 00:05:16,730
Nobody knows.
121
00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:18,663
Hi.
122
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:27,568
You made it.
You made it.
123
00:05:27,706 --> 00:05:29,639
We made it.
We made it.
124
00:05:29,777 --> 00:05:31,434
Hi.
How was
your drive in?
125
00:05:31,572 --> 00:05:34,230
Oh, good.
Good.
126
00:05:35,473 --> 00:05:36,681
Oh.
127
00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:37,958
Can I get you
anything?
128
00:05:38,096 --> 00:05:39,200
Are you
thirsty at all?
129
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,374
Oh, am I.
130
00:05:40,512 --> 00:05:42,376
"Am I."
Yeah?
So you are?
131
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:45,517
Yeah...
132
00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,105
What'd she just say?
No. Okay, all right,
133
00:05:47,243 --> 00:05:48,348
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
134
00:05:48,486 --> 00:05:49,659
Oh, hold it.
135
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:51,661
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
That's poppy.
136
00:05:52,559 --> 00:05:54,837
Hi.
How's my girl?
137
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,668
Ah, my little girl.
138
00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:06,814
Look at that
beautiful little face.
[GIGGLING]
139
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:09,645
Same little face
as when she was
11 years old.
140
00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:13,234
Am I right, Theresa?
Same little face.
141
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,823
How you doing, Gus?
Ah, yeah.
Fine, fine, Paul.
142
00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:17,929
Nice to see you.
Take your coat?
Yeah, who needs it?
143
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:21,070
You didn't by any chance, uh,
buy some instant coffee?
144
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,658
Yes, I did!
[THERESA GIGGLING]
145
00:06:22,796 --> 00:06:23,866
We'll be right back.
146
00:06:26,316 --> 00:06:27,421
So, Gus,
how you doing?
147
00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:29,285
Can't complain.
Can't complain. You?
148
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,976
Good. Good.
Work going well?
149
00:06:31,114 --> 00:06:33,703
Work very well.
Uh-huh.
150
00:06:33,841 --> 00:06:35,981
Who do you like
in the Super Bowl?
Super Bowl, uh,
151
00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:37,949
either Pittsburgh,
or, uh...
152
00:06:38,087 --> 00:06:39,122
Who's the ones
with the big, uh...
153
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,159
Green Bay.
Green Bay, yeah.
154
00:06:42,954 --> 00:06:44,127
Stock market's
doing well.
155
00:06:44,265 --> 00:06:45,577
Stock market, hey,
god bless.
156
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:47,165
Who'd you vote for?
I don't wanna
tell you.
157
00:06:47,303 --> 00:06:48,891
All right.
There it is.
158
00:06:56,105 --> 00:06:58,935
So, uh...
159
00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:01,593
So, uh, so, uh, so
tell us about this big trip
you're taking.
160
00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:04,078
Where you going?
I guessed the
South of France.
161
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:05,217
Uh, guess again.
162
00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:06,529
Huh, I got it.
Greek Isles.
163
00:07:07,185 --> 00:07:08,186
Guess again.
164
00:07:08,324 --> 00:07:09,601
Uh...
165
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:11,361
I don't know,
African safari?
166
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:13,018
Guess again.
167
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:17,540
PAUL: Wow.
An RV?
168
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:22,027
Come on in
and tell me
how you like it.
169
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:23,408
Ah, it's really nice.
170
00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:25,824
Yeah, it's
really, really nice.
171
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,412
This little puppy
is gonna take us
172
00:07:27,550 --> 00:07:29,276
all over
the United States.
173
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:31,002
We're gonna stop
at every campsite
174
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:32,969
between here
and Saskatchewan.
175
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:34,937
Saskatchewan.
Really?
176
00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:37,318
It gets dark at 11:00
in the morning.
177
00:07:39,113 --> 00:07:40,943
Now, how long is
that gonna take you?
178
00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:42,876
Oh, two glorious months.
179
00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:44,498
We're very
excited.
180
00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,053
Well, would you
like a tour?
181
00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:50,021
Sure.
Yeah.
182
00:07:50,159 --> 00:07:51,263
This is the kitchen.
183
00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:52,541
This is the
living room,
184
00:07:52,679 --> 00:07:54,301
the bedroom,
the dining room,
and the den.
185
00:07:56,752 --> 00:07:59,962
Well, should we all adjourn
to the dining room?
Yes.
186
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,308
Sure.
Let's do that.
187
00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:03,034
There's
the table there
behind you.
188
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,139
Take it easy
with the table.
189
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,901
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
190
00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:09,489
The table
goes in here.
191
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,976
The pole,
put the pole
in the hole in the floor.
192
00:08:15,909 --> 00:08:17,048
Pole's in.
193
00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:18,843
Don't strip
the threads,
now.
194
00:08:20,776 --> 00:08:22,294
Don't break it, Theresa.
195
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:25,263
I'm only trying
to help here.
196
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,335
Turn it.
That's it.
197
00:08:28,473 --> 00:08:30,371
You did it.
All right, sit.
I'm sitting.
198
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,787
All right,
I'm sitting, too.
199
00:08:33,961 --> 00:08:35,445
No, no, no.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
200
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:38,552
Don't worry about that.
That's the way to do it.
201
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:40,105
I'll get that
with the sponge later.
202
00:08:42,694 --> 00:08:44,385
[GUS LAUGHING]
203
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,017
[TIMER DINGING]
Dinner!
204
00:09:04,474 --> 00:09:07,029
THERESA: I'm sorry
it's such a tight
little squeeze.
205
00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:08,927
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
[TIMER DINGING]
206
00:09:09,065 --> 00:09:10,032
Oh!
207
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,585
Dinging, dinging.
It's dinging.
208
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,380
Yes. You know,
209
00:09:13,518 --> 00:09:16,901
it's just a
blessing about
this broiler.
210
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,904
Fact that it
only fits one
steak at a time.
211
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:23,424
That way, the meal
stays hot from
beginning to end.
212
00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:27,981
The mashed potatoes?
Oh, they're
under the table.
213
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,535
Oh, and...
I got them.
214
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:32,088
If anybody wants
some rolls,
215
00:09:32,226 --> 00:09:36,265
I have them
warming here under
the map light.
216
00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:39,199
Theresa, darling,
sit down and
enjoy your meal.
217
00:09:39,337 --> 00:09:40,303
Mom, sit down.
218
00:09:40,441 --> 00:09:41,615
All right,
all right.
219
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:44,480
Everybody's happy now.
220
00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:47,690
[TIMER DINGING]
The carrots.
221
00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:50,590
Mom, I don't think
there's gonna be room.
That's what you think.
222
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:52,868
Now watch this.
Show them, Theresa.
223
00:09:53,006 --> 00:09:54,214
Oh. All right.
224
00:09:54,352 --> 00:09:57,217
Paul, you take
the butter and
the sour cream,
225
00:09:57,355 --> 00:09:59,978
and you put it up
there on the shelf
above your head.
226
00:10:00,116 --> 00:10:02,740
Darling, you take
the wine bottle
227
00:10:02,878 --> 00:10:05,674
and squeeze it
down there by the
fire extinguisher.
228
00:10:05,812 --> 00:10:09,056
All right, now
everybody put their
coleslaw bowls
229
00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:10,540
in their laps...
230
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,233
And if
anybody wants the
salt and pepper,
231
00:10:13,371 --> 00:10:14,475
they're in the sink.
232
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,828
Ta-da.
233
00:10:24,278 --> 00:10:25,694
Ooh, I hate
to do this to you.
234
00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,419
Oh, what, darling?
Want some ketchup?
235
00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:29,870
No. I,
believe it or not,
236
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:32,424
I actually have
to get up and
use the, uh...
237
00:10:32,562 --> 00:10:33,702
Are you kidding me?
Sorry.
238
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:38,499
Um, all right,
I'm sure I can
climb out.
239
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,363
I did it last time.
Wait, wait,
darling,
240
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:43,401
I think I might have
a better idea. Um...
241
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:48,717
All right,
everybody slide
your mashed potatoes
242
00:10:48,855 --> 00:10:51,409
over to the side
of your plates.
243
00:10:51,547 --> 00:10:53,445
Now, put
your glasses
244
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:57,173
in the place where
the mashed potatoes
were on your plate.
245
00:10:57,311 --> 00:10:59,866
Now hold your plates
above your heads.
246
00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,764
I'll steady
all of this.
247
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:03,904
Now, Gus, you
lift up the table,
248
00:11:04,042 --> 00:11:06,148
and Paul, you crawl
under the table.
249
00:11:06,286 --> 00:11:07,805
Who's gonna hold
the plate over my head
250
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:10,048
if I have to crawl...
Here. I will.
I will.
251
00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:11,498
PAUL: You know what,
everybody? It's okay.
It's okay.
252
00:11:11,636 --> 00:11:12,948
False alarm.
253
00:11:13,086 --> 00:11:14,915
False alarm.
254
00:11:15,744 --> 00:11:17,021
You sure?
255
00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:19,195
Yeah, it's okay.
Really. I don't
have to get up.
256
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,991
Ah.
Well,
I'm sorry, Paul.
257
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:23,303
I apologize.
258
00:11:23,441 --> 00:11:24,822
I think a person
ought to be able
to get up
259
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,858
and go
to the bathroom
like a person.
260
00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,239
It's okay, really.
It's not a problem.
261
00:11:28,377 --> 00:11:30,551
In the army, we were
taught to hold it.
262
00:11:32,208 --> 00:11:34,003
Yes, well, this
is peacetime.
263
00:11:35,971 --> 00:11:38,525
But it builds character
holding it in.
264
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:40,285
It doesn't
build character.
265
00:11:40,423 --> 00:11:43,047
It builds an obstruction
in your urinary tract.
266
00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:48,328
No, it does not.
The boy has to pee.
267
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,986
That's okay.
I really don't.
I really don't.
268
00:11:51,124 --> 00:11:52,539
Yes, you do.
No, he doesn't.
269
00:11:52,677 --> 00:11:55,438
He really doesn't.
THERESA: He really does.
270
00:11:55,576 --> 00:11:56,957
The boy stays here.
271
00:11:57,095 --> 00:11:59,304
Then the boy
pees in his pants.
272
00:12:02,273 --> 00:12:03,239
No, he doesn't.
273
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:04,482
You have to pee
in your pants
274
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,656
in this
godforsaken box.
275
00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:08,037
That's ridiculous.
276
00:12:08,175 --> 00:12:10,522
That's it.
We should all be
wearing diapers.
277
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,766
We don't need diapers
in this unit.
278
00:12:12,904 --> 00:12:14,009
It's state-of-the-art.
279
00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:15,286
It's a nightmare.
280
00:12:15,424 --> 00:12:17,460
This is a nightmare!
281
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,191
[TIMER DINGING]
282
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,850
Who wants
the first Jell-O?
283
00:12:32,441 --> 00:12:33,683
PAUL: Oh, that was weird.
284
00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:35,271
Oh, it was not weird.
That was just
horrible.
285
00:12:35,409 --> 00:12:36,617
It wasn't horrible.
286
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,102
To erase that
from my memory,
287
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,346
I would gladly
give up a finger
or something.
288
00:12:41,484 --> 00:12:43,107
I would
lose the pinkie
of my left hand
289
00:12:43,245 --> 00:12:44,453
to have never
witnessed that.
290
00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:46,075
Thank you.
I get it.
291
00:12:46,213 --> 00:12:49,216
You're saying that's
no big deal?
It was no big deal.
292
00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:50,735
Excuse me, that
explosion of anger,
293
00:12:50,873 --> 00:12:51,943
that was nothing?
294
00:12:52,081 --> 00:12:53,876
Who knows my parents
better, me or you?
295
00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,878
Okay, you.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
296
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,535
Okay, and
I'm telling you
297
00:12:57,673 --> 00:12:59,848
that twice a year
for two seconds
they have an argument.
298
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:01,125
It passes,
and that's it.
299
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:03,265
All right, so good.
You know your parents.
300
00:13:04,956 --> 00:13:06,786
I'm leaving
your father.
301
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,555
Listen, mom,
you're going right
back downstairs.
302
00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:18,728
Come on, this is ridiculous.
303
00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:20,730
I am not going
right back downstairs.
304
00:13:20,869 --> 00:13:22,905
I told you, your father
and I are done.
305
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,010
You're not done.
306
00:13:24,148 --> 00:13:26,012
You don't end a
37-year marriage
307
00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:27,565
because
of a vacation.
308
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:30,361
[SCOFFS] This trip was
just the final straw.
309
00:13:30,499 --> 00:13:34,158
This has been brewing
ever since the electric
can-opener incident.
310
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:38,438
The electric
can-opener incident
was in 1971.
311
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:40,267
Fine. Fine.
312
00:13:40,405 --> 00:13:43,098
Paul, do you know
of a good hotel
in this neighborhood?
313
00:13:44,271 --> 00:13:45,617
You know, uh...
314
00:13:45,755 --> 00:13:47,343
Uh, I don't recall.
315
00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:53,556
You slept
in my house
for 18 years.
316
00:13:53,694 --> 00:13:55,973
All right, all right,
oh, my god. All right.
317
00:13:56,111 --> 00:13:58,699
You can stay here
tonight, but first thing
tomorrow you've gotta go...
318
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,253
You know what I'm
going to do?
319
00:14:00,391 --> 00:14:04,257
I'm going to take a long,
hot bath
320
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:05,914
in a real bathroom.
321
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:10,021
Okay, see,
I still haven't peed.
322
00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:15,993
What am I gonna do?
323
00:14:16,131 --> 00:14:18,512
I don't know...
There's nothing much
you can do.
324
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,101
She's left your father.
She hasn't
left my father.
325
00:14:21,239 --> 00:14:23,655
Okay, maybe I'm just going
off of her sentence,
326
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,761
"I've left your father."
327
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,557
THERESA: Your mildew
is in such interesting
patterns.
328
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:34,494
Oh, it's bad,
so she saying
it's good.
329
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:36,496
I get it. No, I get it now.
All right.
330
00:14:36,634 --> 00:14:38,325
So you're going to the
game tomorrow. You...
331
00:14:38,463 --> 00:14:40,189
We're still gonna
go to the game?
You're going to the game.
332
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:41,846
You talk to him.
I'll talk to her.
333
00:14:41,984 --> 00:14:43,744
Afterwards we'll
bring them both
back here.
334
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,505
They'll sit down
and they'll discuss it.
335
00:14:45,643 --> 00:14:46,644
Ten minutes,
it'll be solved.
336
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:48,197
You think that's
gonna actually work?
337
00:14:48,335 --> 00:14:50,096
They're acting
like children. We'll treat
them like children.
338
00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:51,752
Good. So our parents
are our children.
339
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,616
Our children will
be our children.
340
00:14:53,754 --> 00:14:55,964
Which makes me
my own grandfather.
341
00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:07,423
Do you think the Jets
are gonna win one game?
342
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:08,942
Well, it ain't
gonna be this one.
343
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:13,636
Did you see what
that guy Perot said?
344
00:15:13,774 --> 00:15:14,914
Oh, yeah.
I read that.
345
00:15:15,052 --> 00:15:17,295
Nutcase.
Oh, Perot?
[WHISTLES]
346
00:15:20,816 --> 00:15:22,438
But IBM, huh?
347
00:15:22,576 --> 00:15:24,199
Oh, IBM, yeah.
Wow.
348
00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:26,926
[ALL CHEERING]
349
00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:33,346
You know, Gus, I'm
sure you don't want
to talk about this,
350
00:15:33,484 --> 00:15:38,109
but last night
the, the whole thing,
I mean...
351
00:15:38,247 --> 00:15:40,249
I just... No pressure,
but if you want
to talk about it,
352
00:15:40,387 --> 00:15:42,838
I'd be more
than happy to talk
to you about that.
353
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:44,840
You're a nice kid.
354
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,911
Throw the ball.
355
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,266
Tequila, straight up.
356
00:15:57,404 --> 00:15:58,785
Club soda, please.
357
00:15:58,923 --> 00:16:00,614
Club soda?
Have a drink, you freak.
358
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,307
I don't
want a drink.
359
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:04,653
Well, I do.
I'm nervous.
360
00:16:04,791 --> 00:16:06,068
I mean, look,
361
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:08,553
my whole identity
is based on Mom and Dad
362
00:16:08,691 --> 00:16:10,417
being trapped
in a loveless marriage.
363
00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:12,488
If they break up and
find happiness, well,
364
00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:14,594
what happens to me?
365
00:16:14,732 --> 00:16:17,804
They're not trapped
in a loveless marriage,
and they're not breaking up.
366
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,875
Are too.
Are too.
367
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,947
She's been in there
a long time.
368
00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,122
Yeah. Probably
weeping uncontrollably.
369
00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,710
[LAUGHING]
You're so right.
370
00:16:27,848 --> 00:16:29,643
Well, it was lovely
talking to you.
371
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,231
Look, here's
my daughter's number.
372
00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,922
That's where I'm
staying temporarily,
373
00:16:33,061 --> 00:16:36,754
and look, you
call me and we'll hit
that spinning class.
374
00:16:38,928 --> 00:16:41,000
Mom, you are really
weirding me out.
375
00:16:41,138 --> 00:16:42,449
Well, get over it.
376
00:16:52,632 --> 00:16:54,565
Hello.
BOTH: Mom!
377
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:57,706
You're embarrassing us.
378
00:16:57,844 --> 00:16:59,328
Look, this has gone
far enough.
379
00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:01,365
As soon as this play
is over, we are
marching back home.
380
00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:03,229
You are gonna
sit down and
talk to Poppy
381
00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:05,783
and work this thing out,
and I don't want to hear
another word about it.
382
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:08,855
No, I'm not,
and you can't make me.
383
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:21,523
I don't want
to overstep any bounds
as a son-in-law here.
384
00:17:21,661 --> 00:17:23,766
I just...
I just want us...
385
00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:26,493
Don't you think
that after all...
386
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:29,255
I mean, don't you think
that before you go on
this trip without your wife
387
00:17:29,393 --> 00:17:31,291
that it's worth
trying to sit down
388
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:32,706
and talk to her
one more time?
389
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,019
I don't think so.
Fumble! Fumble.
390
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:37,194
[CROWD EXCLAIMING]
391
00:17:37,332 --> 00:17:40,162
Come on, defense.
Let's go, defense.
392
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,095
Think about it,
think about all
the years in there.
393
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,546
Look, you're
a nice kid,
sweet kid.
394
00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,030
You're a lovely kid...
395
00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:47,618
But you don't have
all the answers.
396
00:17:47,756 --> 00:17:49,654
How many years
you married?
397
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:51,277
Five years.
Oh, five years.
398
00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:53,175
37 years.
399
00:17:53,313 --> 00:17:55,660
Imagine
for 37 years
400
00:17:55,798 --> 00:17:59,008
trying to translate
everything your
wife is saying.
401
00:17:59,147 --> 00:18:00,182
Why?
402
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,564
Because she
talks in a code.
403
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:06,292
Well, I can't
crack that code.
404
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:09,295
All I know is she's
always unhappy,
405
00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:11,607
and it's always
my fault.
406
00:18:11,745 --> 00:18:15,232
So now I want
to take this nice
little trip around the country
407
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:19,132
and if she wants
to go, she can go.
408
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,927
But if she
doesn't wanna go,
409
00:18:21,065 --> 00:18:22,342
I'm gonna go
by myself.
410
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,275
That's all there is.
That's it.
411
00:18:27,623 --> 00:18:29,315
Come on,
tackle somebody.
412
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,604
Is he with you?
No.
413
00:18:42,742 --> 00:18:44,985
They're in the RV.
They're saying
good-bye.
414
00:18:46,435 --> 00:18:48,575
Wow.
I know.
415
00:18:49,507 --> 00:18:50,508
What are they doing?
416
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:52,752
You don't split up
after 37 years.
417
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:53,925
What is that?
418
00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:55,548
Well, maybe you do
if you're...
419
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:57,239
If you're
really unhappy.
420
00:18:57,377 --> 00:18:58,551
They're happy.
421
00:18:59,759 --> 00:19:01,070
Okay.
422
00:19:01,209 --> 00:19:03,038
They were happy.
I'm sure they were.
423
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,764
No, no, honestly,
they were.
424
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:07,076
They were like us.
It's like they
were meant to be.
425
00:19:07,215 --> 00:19:08,664
I understand.
426
00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:09,976
So what,
so suddenly now,
427
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:11,288
not so much
meant to be
428
00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:13,876
as totally wrong
for one other?
429
00:19:14,014 --> 00:19:15,499
I don't know.
You know, people change.
430
00:19:15,637 --> 00:19:16,948
You know, things change.
431
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:21,090
Wow.
432
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,854
You base your life
on a few simple
principles.
433
00:19:25,992 --> 00:19:28,097
Gravity, the earth
revolves around the sun,
434
00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:30,169
your parents
should be together.
435
00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:33,344
You know what, baby?
436
00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:35,001
I think the
two of them have been
together so long...
437
00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:36,209
That's what
I'm gonna do.
438
00:19:36,347 --> 00:19:38,280
What?
I'm gonna tell them.
439
00:19:38,418 --> 00:19:41,249
Tell them what?
About the baby.
Come downstairs with me.
440
00:19:41,387 --> 00:19:42,940
No, I didn't say baby.
I was calling you baby.
441
00:19:43,078 --> 00:19:44,183
I didn't say baby.
442
00:19:45,253 --> 00:19:46,426
They're not
gonna split up
443
00:19:46,564 --> 00:19:47,841
if they know
I'm carrying
their grandchild.
444
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:49,395
That would be
in horrible taste.
445
00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:52,605
First of all, we're
not telling people yet.
446
00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,123
These aren't people.
These are my parents.
447
00:19:54,262 --> 00:19:56,229
Okay, whatever.
Two, do you want that
448
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,610
to be the reason
they stay together?
449
00:19:57,748 --> 00:19:59,750
If that's what it takes.
They're making a mistake.
450
00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:01,234
Maybe they are.
451
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:03,512
So, am I supposed
to let that happen?
452
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,549
No. You tell them
how you feel,
but you've done that.
453
00:20:05,687 --> 00:20:08,103
Anything more that,
I don't think it's
our place.
454
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,553
Just indulge me.
Please.
455
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,211
Okay.
Thank you.
456
00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,179
Your father
just left.
457
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,527
Oh, my god.
458
00:20:19,148 --> 00:20:20,460
Here.
459
00:20:20,598 --> 00:20:22,082
Oh, honey.
460
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,085
It's okay.
It's okay.
461
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,673
No, it's not.
462
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:29,711
We said good-bye,
463
00:20:29,849 --> 00:20:31,506
and it was nice,
464
00:20:31,644 --> 00:20:35,372
and we said we'll talk again
in a couple of months,
and we'll see.
465
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:41,136
You know what
I think you need?
466
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,621
A nice cup
of Swiss Miss.
467
00:20:44,829 --> 00:20:46,279
Okay.
468
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:47,970
As luck
would have it,
469
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:49,144
we have some
in the house.
470
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,043
Of course you do.
471
00:20:52,181 --> 00:20:54,425
You know, that's why
I think that someday
472
00:20:54,563 --> 00:20:57,773
the two of you
are gonna make
terrific parents,
473
00:20:57,911 --> 00:21:00,742
and I think
I'll make an even
greater grandmother
474
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,226
than I am a mother.
475
00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:04,987
I can't wait.
476
00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:09,958
Mom.
Mmm?
477
00:21:14,963 --> 00:21:16,102
Me, neither.
478
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,153
The Tums? Go to the
overhead compartment.
479
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,812
No, no, not that one.
The one next to the
sun porch.
480
00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:39,953
You know?
Step up on the spare battery.
481
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:42,956
No, those are the flares.
Yes, they are.
482
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:45,165
Yes, they are. Yeah.
483
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,616
Okay, now the Tums are
next to the devilled ham.
484
00:21:49,860 --> 00:21:52,034
Ice fishing? Really?
485
00:21:52,621 --> 00:21:54,071
Sounds good.
35378
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