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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,334
[Paul]
Do we have any cantaloupe?
2
00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:07,734
[Jamie]
It's out of season.
3
00:00:07,734 --> 00:00:08,968
Cantaloupe doesn't go
out of season.
4
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,234
It's a year-round fruit.
5
00:00:10,234 --> 00:00:12,334
There's no such thing
as a year-round fruit.
6
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:13,667
Bananas are
a year-round fruit.
7
00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:14,968
Then have a banana.
8
00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:16,868
I don't want a banana.
I want a cantaloupe.
9
00:00:16,868 --> 00:00:19,868
It's out of season.
Cantaloupe doesn't go
out of season.
10
00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:21,133
[whimpers]
11
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,067
** [theme]
12
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:36,367
* Tell me why
I love you like I do *
13
00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:40,367
* Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you *
14
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,367
* Let's take
each other's hand *
15
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:43,701
* As we jump into *
16
00:00:43,701 --> 00:00:46,367
* The final frontier *
17
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:49,033
* Mad about you, baby *
18
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,968
* Yeah *
19
00:00:56,734 --> 00:01:00,067
Come on, honey.
The bus is coming.
20
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:01,534
Oh, never mind.
21
00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:05,667
If I made these,
would you eat them?
22
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,000
Would you make those?
If you'd eat them.
23
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,667
Yeah. Sure, whatever.
24
00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:10,968
Oh, God,
it's two pages.
25
00:01:10,968 --> 00:01:12,200
Forget it.
I'm not making them.
26
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,000
Ooh, I had my heart
set on them, too.
27
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:14,934
Here we go. Come on.
28
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:24,300
All right, very good.
29
00:01:29,701 --> 00:01:33,367
I wonder if ES and BL
are still together.
30
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,167
I think so.
I think they are,
31
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:36,367
because they were on
the right track.
32
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,701
These are good people.
They took the bus.
33
00:01:38,701 --> 00:01:41,033
They saved their money.
With the money they saved,
34
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:43,701
they bought a nice
little house upstate.
35
00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:46,701
Tree-lined street.
Good school district.
36
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:49,033
Unfortunately,
the neighbor's kids
are hooligans,
37
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,701
and every Sunday,
they pelt the house
with eggs.
38
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:54,033
The police have to come,
but there's nothing
you can do, sadly,
39
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,033
because there's no proof.
There's no proof.
40
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,734
Got a pen?
For what?
41
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:01,167
"Bliss or blunder?
Perfect mate
or big mistake?"
42
00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:04,334
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, it's a quiz.
43
00:02:04,334 --> 00:02:06,000
What kind of quiz?
Can you win a boat?
44
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,334
No.
Then what good
comes of this?
45
00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:10,167
All right, fine.
I'll take it for both of us.
46
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,834
No, you can't.
You can't do that.
Why not?
47
00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:13,167
Because then it's skewed.
48
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,334
In or out?
All right, go.
49
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:19,767
"Question one-- Do you believe
in love at first sight?"
50
00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,133
Do you still have
the Sunday Times?
51
00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:25,667
Last one right here.
52
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:26,767
Thanks.
53
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,067
Hey, what are you doing?
54
00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,801
My parents' obituary
is in here.
55
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,767
Oh, gee, go ahead.
Both of them?
56
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,234
It was an earthquake.
57
00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:36,834
Really?
58
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,334
Beams hit them.
59
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:41,634
Beams?
60
00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:42,868
It was very fast.
61
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:44,467
The ground just
swallowed up their house.
62
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,133
What?
63
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,267
What, nothing?
64
00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,200
Thanks.
65
00:02:57,434 --> 00:03:00,434
"J. Stemple."
66
00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:03,167
Stemple.
67
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,834
Can you believe that girl?
68
00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,200
Hi.
69
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,801
What are you doing
with my dry cleaning?
70
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:14,000
Well, you dropped the slip
last night as you hijacked
my newspaper.
71
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,100
How did you find her?
72
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,200
I went to the dry cleaners.
73
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,467
And they told you
where I worked?
74
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:22,267
Well, I told them I was
your house boy, Coco.
75
00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,334
He thinks I have
a sexy voice.
76
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,901
He's a nice guy,
and he's cute.
He is, isn't he?
77
00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:30,701
And he gets that
little twinkle in his eye.
I know. He's so cute.
78
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:32,901
Tell me something
about her.
79
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:35,667
Jamie? Well, I could
tell you this.
80
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:37,534
I think she likes you.
81
00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:39,167
No. You think?
82
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:40,534
Yeah, I think.
83
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:43,033
Yeah, because--
Well, you can sense
these things,
84
00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:45,701
because when you know
somebody that long,
85
00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:47,400
you can sort of
read the signs.
86
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,434
What signs?
87
00:03:49,534 --> 00:03:50,534
Fran told me.
88
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,200
I thought about you too
last night.
89
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:58,701
And then, when you
found me here today,
90
00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,701
it's like it was
too good to be true.
91
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,501
And though you seem to be
this nice guy...
92
00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:09,601
I can see why you're troubled.
93
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:14,334
You realize
if this doesn't work out,
94
00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,334
I'm going to have to
blow my brains out.
95
00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:18,167
That's good. So long as
there's no pressure.
96
00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,100
Yeah.
97
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,534
I just don't want to be
disappointed again.
98
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,567
I'll do my best.
99
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,667
Okay, come on.
Next question.
100
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:38,934
"On a scale from 1 to 10,
rate your sex life."
101
00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,634
It only goes up to 10?
102
00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:45,367
It doesn't bother you
that we haven't had sex
in five days?
103
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:48,367
Hello.
104
00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:50,367
I just don't understand
why it doesn't bother you.
105
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:53,100
It's been almost a week.
It's not a week.
106
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,734
Sunday will be a week.
What's going on with us?
107
00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:57,701
What's going on is that
we're married five months,
108
00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:59,934
and the sexual part is over.
109
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,968
See, I thought
you understood that.
I'm sorry.
110
00:05:04,968 --> 00:05:06,234
That's what happens now.
111
00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:17,667
Well, I'm stumped.
It beats me.
112
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:20,667
We know how to do this.
113
00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,334
What is it--
Let's just go back
to basics.
114
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:25,667
Arousal.
Arousal.
115
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:26,601
Yes.
116
00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:29,767
Arouse me.
117
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:58,634
How you doing?
Nice to see you.
118
00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:00,701
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Good.
119
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,234
Hmm.
120
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,767
What-- What is this?
121
00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:10,300
I thought we could
have sex now.
122
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,000
Then we wouldn't
have to do it later.
123
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,334
Are you eating?
124
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,701
I'm nibbling your ear.
125
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,734
I like that.
126
00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:20,067
And I'm going
down your body.
127
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,968
I love that.
128
00:06:21,968 --> 00:06:27,000
And I am
kissing your knees.
129
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,834
What niece?
I don't have a niece.
130
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,000
Your knees.
131
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,367
Oh, my knees.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
132
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:36,467
Come on, get with
the program here, babe.
133
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,000
All right. Okay.
134
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,000
I'm, um...
What?
135
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,167
I'm kissing your chest.
136
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,334
I'm enjoying that.
137
00:06:46,334 --> 00:06:49,334
I'm enjoying watching that
from here.
138
00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:50,501
Keep watching.
139
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:52,868
Well, you bet.
140
00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:55,334
I'm kissing down your body.
141
00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:57,501
My tongue
is just around your--
[phone beeps]
142
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,200
Hold on a second.
I have another call.
143
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,434
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
144
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:02,000
You're right. Let's do it.
145
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,400
Just like that?
Bing, bang, boom?
146
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,601
At this point,
I'd settle for the boom.
147
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:09,901
You don't want
the bing and bang?
148
00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:11,467
I did when we started.
And now?
149
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,968
I'm over it.
150
00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:15,601
You're a very complex woman.
151
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,734
You don't want the boom?
152
00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:18,634
Of course I want the boom.
153
00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:20,634
Guys always want the boom.
154
00:07:20,634 --> 00:07:22,367
We only made up
the whole bing and the bang
155
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:23,734
just to get the boom.
156
00:07:26,634 --> 00:07:28,334
I thought you liked
the bing and the bang.
157
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:31,334
I love the bing and the bang.
I don't always need it.
Neither do I.
158
00:07:31,334 --> 00:07:32,334
So then what are we arguing--
159
00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:33,767
We're not.
All right.
160
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,334
"Would you say you get along
all of the time,
161
00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:39,434
some of the time,
none of the time?"
162
00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,968
All of the time.
Yeah, right.
163
00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:45,834
Yeah, I can't.
164
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,334
Lisa, I got to go.
All right.
165
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,334
I will see you
when you get here.
Hurry up. Good-bye.
166
00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:51,834
Okay, I get it.
You're mad. Okay.
167
00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:55,501
How long are you going to go
without talking to me?
A week? A month?
168
00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:57,667
Eventually,
you got to talk to me.
169
00:07:57,667 --> 00:08:00,667
You got to come home and say,
"Honey, look how much money
we made on your investment."
170
00:08:01,734 --> 00:08:03,267
You want to know the truth?
171
00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:05,634
We would never have had
to gone out in the first place
172
00:08:05,634 --> 00:08:09,200
if you didn't let our mothers
tag team you on our damn
call waiting.
173
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,634
So this whole thing
is my fault?
174
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,133
Yeah, you're the one
who wanted call waiting.
175
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,300
I didn't want call waiting.
176
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,400
I'm perfectly happy
with a busy signal.
177
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,868
That's because you don't have
that many friends.
178
00:08:16,868 --> 00:08:18,300
I have plenty of friends,
179
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,968
but I'm not so worried
about getting back to them.
180
00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:22,133
I'm not like you.
Oh, what if someone's
trying to get us?
181
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,634
What if they want
to get us?
182
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,467
Well, they got us, baby.
You happy now?
183
00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:29,133
Hey, there's
my beautiful bride.
184
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,834
Yeah, bite me.
185
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:32,968
All I want you to do
is admit you were wrong.
186
00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:36,200
Listen, I may have been
a few minutes too impulsive.
187
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,400
No, that's not it.
188
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,000
I was-- I--
189
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,734
Listen, it's not impossible
that my judgment was impaired
190
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:43,000
by the enthusiasm--
191
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,133
Can you just say
you were wrong?
192
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,234
I'm saying this is not
the most right I've ever been.
193
00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:48,634
You are pathetic.
194
00:08:48,634 --> 00:08:50,501
I hate that you're
being this way.
195
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,000
Well, good, because I hate
that you made plans
with your sister
196
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,334
on the first Saturday
I'm not working
in five weeks.
197
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,801
I didn't know
you weren't working,
for the 416th time.
198
00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,067
I said to you Thursday--
199
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,767
You said you thought
you might not have to.
200
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:02,801
You never confirmed.
201
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:04,934
I never confirmed?
202
00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:06,968
What, are you TWA?
203
00:09:06,968 --> 00:09:08,334
Why don't you just say it?
Say what?
204
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:09,734
That I'm driving you nuts.
205
00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,901
Why would I say that?
Because it's true, isn't it?
206
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,467
No, it's not.
You can't say it?
207
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,634
I'm driving you nuts.
You know what? Yes, you are.
208
00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:17,067
You're driving me nuts.
209
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,467
Okay then.
210
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:19,868
No, it's not okay,
211
00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:21,267
because you don't realize
what a nut--
212
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:22,400
You've become nuts.
213
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,968
You're just nuts.
You're nutty.
214
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,300
Everything is nutty.
You've become quite the nut,
my little friend.
215
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:31,434
And I'll be honest--
Yes, you asked me.
Yes, you're driving me crazy.
216
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,968
Well, why didn't you just
say something?
217
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,701
Because it's all right.
218
00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:40,400
Who would you say
really runs your household?
219
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:49,934
Honey?
220
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,267
This is new.
221
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,667
How did Murray do
with the mouse today?
222
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,667
There is no mouse.
223
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,701
Oh, there's no mouse?
What's he been chasing
all week?
224
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,701
He thinks there's a mouse,
so he runs after nothing
90 miles an hour,
225
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:28,367
and slams into the wall
with this pathetic,
furry thud.
226
00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:29,634
[thud]
227
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,701
Hey, this is really low.
228
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,968
How do you do this?
229
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,634
[thud]
230
00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:58,334
[thud]
231
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:02,000
Murray, go get the mouse.
232
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,501
He doesn't want to.
233
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:05,000
Murray, look.
Go get the mouse.
He ain't interested.
234
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,167
Here it comes, here it comes.
235
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,667
Murray, here comes the mouse.
236
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,834
Here comes the mouse.
237
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,267
[thud]
238
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,334
Son of a bitch.
239
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,601
Aw.
240
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,601
Look at you.
241
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,000
Hey, isn't that our bus?
242
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,801
All right, very good.
243
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,667
Okay.
Let me see.
244
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:36,367
Wait.
What are you doing?
245
00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,734
I just want to see
if we're winning.
You can't score till the end.
246
00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:41,033
Just give me round numbers.
Are we happy?
247
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,701
We're very happy.
248
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,367
I know we're happy.
It's nice to have it
confirmed numerically.
249
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,033
Wouldn't that be horrible?
What?
250
00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,701
What if we take
this whole test
251
00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,033
and find out
we're miserable?
252
00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,367
I'd leave you.
253
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:54,033
You'd leave me?
In a heartbeat, baby.
254
00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:55,367
That's very sweet.
255
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:57,033
Sure, but if
the magazine says--
256
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,400
Remember I took
that nutrition quiz,
257
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,734
found that I have
no potassium.
258
00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:01,667
Got that big jar
of Banana Power.
259
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,334
Did you ever take
that Banana Power?
260
00:12:03,334 --> 00:12:04,667
Not once.
261
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,100
Why did you buy it?
Because the magazine said.
262
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,000
There it is.
Oh, no, that's not our bus.
263
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,801
All right, give me
another question.
264
00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:14,234
"Does your spouse still find
the little things you do
endearing?"
265
00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:18,901
[slurps]
266
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,534
[slurps]
267
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:29,501
[slurps]
268
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:36,434
[gargles]
269
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:57,300
** [Paul hums]
270
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,100
[snores]
271
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,667
Hey, what are you, nuts?
272
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,601
We talked about that.
Don't do that.
273
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:21,934
You're nuts.
274
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,100
You're a big, nutty nut.
275
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,601
Watch me.
276
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:35,400
Voilà.
277
00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:43,701
[Woman on TV]
Oh, darling, we'll never
be apart, ever.
278
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,434
* Matty told Hatty *
279
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,801
* About the thing she'd done *
280
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,701
** [vocalizes]
281
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:54,367
* Wooly bully, wooly bully *
282
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,334
* Wooly bully *
283
00:13:56,334 --> 00:14:00,868
* Wooly bully, wooly bully *
284
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,167
How long are we
going to be doing this?
285
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,367
"Do you enjoy spending time
with your spouse's family?"
286
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,534
I'm going to say yes anyway.
287
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,667
Look, you have a husband
and I have a husband.
288
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:42,434
We're women. We're a family.
289
00:14:42,434 --> 00:14:46,367
And you can talk to me
about how you feel.
290
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,801
I want you to.
291
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:54,267
Paul, you know
who I ran into?
Gloria Black.
292
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,868
I just don't want
to sit with Betty.
293
00:14:56,868 --> 00:14:59,701
Betty's not coming.
It doesn't matter.
294
00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,667
You just can't
seat people willy-nilly.
295
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,300
This is not willy-nilly here.
296
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,968
You put Estelle Morris
with the depressives. Why?
297
00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:07,968
Why do you think, Mom?
298
00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:08,968
She's better.
She's not better.
299
00:15:13,234 --> 00:15:16,300
Listen, I wouldn't
put Charlie near the bar.
You're asking for trouble.
300
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,000
Oh, let's change
Charlie with Anna.
301
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,334
Which one is Anna?
302
00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:21,334
The big one.
303
00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:22,501
The Fosters are coming.
304
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:23,501
Yes.
Where?
305
00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:25,334
Right here.
[doorbell buzzes]
306
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:28,000
All right,
nobody's changing anything.
307
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,334
[doorbell buzzes]
[overlapping chatter]
308
00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:33,000
The Gunderlatts
just bit me in the ass.
309
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,334
Pop, I was getting
worried about you.
310
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,634
You'll never guess
who I saw.
Who?
311
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,968
Regis Philbin.
Where?
312
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:39,734
Downstairs.
Come on, let's go down.
313
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:40,901
I'll introduce us.
314
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,167
Dad, the second act's
about to start.
315
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,334
We have time.
316
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,133
You know what? It probably
wasn't even him.
317
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:46,901
What? I don't know
Regis Philbin?
318
00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,334
Yes, of course.
319
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:51,167
You are the foremost
Regis Philbin spotter
on the planet.
320
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,234
What are you
so upset about?
321
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,534
He's not upset.
I'm not upset.
322
00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:55,033
There he is.
323
00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:56,367
Don't point at him.
Where?
324
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:57,701
Fourth row.
325
00:15:57,701 --> 00:15:59,534
All, right, Pop.
Dad, come on.
326
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:00,868
Hey, that's him.
All right.
327
00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:02,634
Didn't I tell you?
Honey, that actually is him.
328
00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:04,634
I'm very excited.
Okay, Dad, come on.
329
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,133
Dad--
Here, hey--
330
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,968
Hello, Regis!
331
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,434
Hey, James, how you doing?
332
00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:11,434
Good. We're just running down--
333
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:13,300
One thing, all right?
334
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,667
It's totally up to you,
335
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,601
but I was talking
to this buddy of mine
336
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,300
who does these
comic book conventions.
337
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,000
And again,
totally up to you.
338
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,634
But if we wanted to make
a little extra money,
339
00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:24,601
just taking your picture
with the people,
340
00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:25,634
stuff like that--
No.
341
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:26,667
Totally up to you.
I know.
342
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:27,667
Easy money.
I know.
343
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:28,734
I think you should move.
344
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:31,601
So okay,
you'll think about it.
345
00:16:31,601 --> 00:16:33,634
Your mother was in labor
for 26 hours?
346
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,334
I had a very big head.
347
00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:39,334
Tell her I appreciated
the accommodations back then.
348
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:40,868
I am out now.
349
00:16:40,868 --> 00:16:43,367
And get over the scampi.
350
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:46,334
Mrs. Buchman,
hold on one second.
I got another call.
351
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:47,667
Hello, Buchman residence?
352
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,133
Oh, hi, Mrs. Stemple.
353
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,100
Jamie, it's your mom.
No, forget it.
354
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,434
No, she sounds happy.
355
00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:53,667
Of course she sounds happy.
356
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,033
Tell her to call back
when she's not.
357
00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:57,334
Mrs. Stemple,
can you hold on a minute?
358
00:16:57,334 --> 00:17:01,133
Mrs. Buchman,
can I tell you something?
Go ahead, darling.
359
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,801
Last Labor Day,
when Jamie's parents had
that big barbeque--
360
00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:04,968
No, no, no.
361
00:17:04,968 --> 00:17:06,300
...Jamie's mother
spent 20 minutes
362
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,834
telling me
how wonderful you were.
363
00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:10,801
They had a barbeque
and didn't invite us?
What?
364
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,000
I'm sure she meant
to invite you.
365
00:17:13,701 --> 00:17:16,634
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
366
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,634
Hold on a second.
367
00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,334
Mrs. Stemple?
368
00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:21,767
Uh-huh.
369
00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,467
I'm going uptown.
370
00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,133
Do you think that
she would like a lift?
371
00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:27,634
That's all right.
You don't have to.
372
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:29,334
So you don't want me
to give you a lift?
373
00:17:29,334 --> 00:17:33,634
No, I would love a lift.
Thank you, Mom.
374
00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,667
Did you hear that?
She called me "Mom."
375
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,467
You don't have to do that.
Okay.
376
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:44,234
"Do you share your fantasies
with your spouse?"
377
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:47,601
Put down "Yes,
but I don't advise it."
378
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:53,400
Brinkley, David.
Brinkley, Christie.
379
00:17:57,667 --> 00:17:59,234
You know, if you don't mind,
380
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,601
I'd love for you to rub
some of this oil on my back.
381
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:05,067
I just like this so much.
382
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,968
You know,
it's okay to do it hard.
383
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:13,467
I'm sorry,
am I being too gentle?
384
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,300
No, it's just perfect.
385
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,601
I just want you to know
386
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:19,634
that you can't do it
too hard, or too soft.
387
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:22,300
Everything you do
is just right.
388
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:25,200
That's what I think.
Thank you.
389
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,634
You're being like a child.
390
00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:29,534
You play some video game
one time, and you have
to have it?
391
00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:32,634
It's not a video game.
I keep telling you,
it's not a video game.
392
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:34,300
All right,
what is the difference?
393
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,801
It's so--
You can't even compare.
394
00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:38,667
It's like on this,
you can do anything you want.
395
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,834
You can ski on the Alps.
396
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,334
You're riding a raft
through the Colorado River.
397
00:18:43,334 --> 00:18:45,000
You're in the space shuttle.
398
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,334
You're flying over the Earth.
399
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,000
You can sing on Broadway.
400
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,267
You're on-stage,
you're singing.
401
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,334
And everything you do,
it's like--
402
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:54,100
It's like you're doing it.
You're right there.
You're doing it.
403
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,801
Could we do
these things together?
404
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,334
Of course. Yeah.
405
00:18:58,334 --> 00:19:00,033
What did you do?
406
00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:02,701
I gave Christie Brinkley
a massage.
407
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:09,300
She had an itch.
408
00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:13,634
Listen, it's phenomenal.
409
00:19:13,634 --> 00:19:15,634
You really--
You can't believe
what this is.
410
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:18,300
You-- It's like--
411
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,968
I'm like--
It's Christie Brinkley, right,
412
00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,634
so I'm looking
at Christie Brinkley.
413
00:19:21,634 --> 00:19:23,634
I'm talking
to Christie Brinkley.
414
00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:25,634
Christie Brinkley
is talking to me.
We're talking.
415
00:19:25,634 --> 00:19:28,634
Christie Brinkley and I were--
You could see her.
416
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,968
I could feel
Christie Brinkley.
417
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,634
It's so funny.
418
00:19:32,634 --> 00:19:34,968
They had lotion
and this oil,
419
00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:36,968
so she asked me to put her--
So I'm putting this lotion,
420
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:39,634
and I'm rubbing oil
right on her.
421
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:43,033
And I'm telling you,
you have never felt
skin like this.
422
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:48,767
You're a little, little man.
423
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,334
All right, so how did we do?
424
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:58,000
What, very happy?
Blissful? Ecstatic?
425
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,934
What are we looking at?
426
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,667
Carry the one.
427
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:03,934
Well?
428
00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:06,767
Wait a second.
429
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,334
Wow.
430
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:15,601
Really?
431
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:20,534
** [theme music]
432
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,567
* Tell me why *
433
00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:31,200
* I love you like I do *
434
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,968
* Tell me who *
435
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:35,434
* Can stop my heart
as much as you *
436
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:37,367
* Tell me all your secrets *
437
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,300
* And I'll tell you
most of mine *
438
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,067
* They say nobody's perfect *
439
00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:43,701
* Well, that's really true
this time *
440
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,534
* I don't have the answers *
441
00:20:45,534 --> 00:20:47,367
* I don't have a plan *
442
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:48,934
* All I have is you *
443
00:20:48,934 --> 00:20:51,033
* So darling,
help me understand *
444
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:52,868
* What we do *
445
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:55,067
* You can whisper in my ear *
446
00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:56,968
* Where we go *
447
00:20:56,968 --> 00:20:59,167
* Who knows what happens
after here? *
448
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,634
* Let's take
each other's hand *
449
00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:05,567
* As we jump into
the final frontier *
450
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:07,067
* I'm mad about you, baby *
451
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,367
* Final frontier *
* Yeah *
452
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:12,634
* Yeah *
* I'm mad about you *
453
00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:17,434
* Final frontier *
454
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,968
What do they know?
455
00:21:31,567 --> 00:21:34,501
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
456
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,033
** [theme]
30337
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